Garfield's Thanksgiving (1989 TV Short)
Jon Arbuckle: [as Garfield chatters over his upcoming vet visit] Now just relax.
Garfield: Want me to relax? Take me to Hawaii.
Jon Arbuckle: I'm only bringing you to the vet for a checkup.
Garfield: Check-OUT, Jon, we're only here so you can check out the vet. Why don't you marry her, then she could make house calls?
Dr. Liz Wilson: The good news is your cat is as healthy as a horse.
Garfield: Hear that, Jon? The woman is a great physician, uh, specialist.
Dr. Liz Wilson: The bad news is he's also big as a horse. He'll have to go on a diet.
Garfield: Quack, she's a quack! Get me outta here!
Garfield: Pancakes, pancakes the size of Australia, and coffee, yes, Jon, coffee. We wouldn't be the great nation we are without coffee. So do your patriotic duty, Jon Arbuckle, and fix - me - breakfast!
[drum beats, then Odie crashes cymbals]
Jon Arbuckle: [slightly dazed] I wonder if people with goldfish have this problem.
Grandma: [after arriving to cook Thanksgiving dinner after Jon's failed attempts] Have cooking utensils, will travel.
Garfield: [after Liz permits him to skip his diet and start him on mild exercise] I'm free, I'm free, I can eat! Oh, joy; oh, rapture; oh, no!
Grandma: How's my favorite kitty cat today?
Garfield: Better now that you're here, Grandma.
Grandma: Aw, you're looking a little thin. Isn't that grandson of mine feeding you?
Garfield: Grandma, I love you. Don't ever leave us.
Garfield: Well, I might as well see how the ole diet's going.
[steps on his scale]
RX2: Hello, I'm RX2, your talking scale. I can tell you your weight, your fortune, or just about anything else you would like to know.
Garfield: Okay, smarty pants, what's my name?
RX2: Judging by your weight, you are Orson Welles.
Garfield: Great, her voice chip with a cruel streak.
RX2: May I have your autograph, please?
Garfield: Oh, shut up. Why is everybody picking on me, and what's wrong with being large-boned, anyway?
RX2: I've seen all your movies.
Garfield: Hey, how would you like to have your battery removed?
RX2: I wouldn't like that, Mr. Welles.
Garfield: It's not like I'm all that overweight; I can still see my feet.
RX2: I've seen "Citizen Kane" eight times.
Garfield: All right, that's it, you're history!
[stamps the scale repeatedly till it breaks, then dashes away as his scale beeps]
RX2: [drones] Rosebuuuuuuud...
Garfield: [sees his vet appointment written on the Wednesday page of the calendar and tears it off, then feeds the page to Odie] Here Odie! Wednesdays are good and good for ya!
[shoves the page in Odie's mouth]
Garfield: Gee, I've been on this diet only ten minutes and I can tell I've already lost something... my sense of humor.
Garfield: [seeing Thanksgiving on the calendar page, then describing Thanksgiving to Odie] Hello, what's this? Tomorrow's Thanksgiving! You see that, Odie? Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. That's the day people celebrate with food by eating as much of it as possible.
[Odie grunts in question]
Garfield: Yes! That's the day people try to eat every turkey, pumpkin, and cranberry on the face of the earth.
[Odie spits out the calendar page that Garfield stuffed in his mouth earlier]
Garfield: It's a tradition. And you know how I LOVE tradition!
Grandma: And now, for the piece de resistance - pumpkin pie!
Garfield: Skip the piece of resistance, just gimme a piece of pie!
Garfield: [chanting] Deep fat fry! Deep fat fry! Music to my ears!
Garfield: [plodding into the house after his vet appointment] Oh, woe is me. I've been put on a diet, and I'm gonna die.
Dr. Liz Wilson: So Garfield, how's the diet? I see you're still the size of an aircraft carrier
Dr. Liz Wilson: Well, as long as I'm here I may as well check you for vitamin deficiencies; I don't want you to become anemic.
Garfield: Don't forget beri-beri, rickets, and scurvy, too, Doc.
Jon Arbuckle: Thanks for telling me I wasn't wearing any pants, Garfield.
Garfield: Oh sure, blame it on the vet.
Garfield: Now *this* is what Thanksgiving is all about.
[shoving the groceries in Jon's face while he's driving]
Garfield: Thanksgiving is cookies! Thanksgiving is pie filling! Thanksgiving is coleslaw! Drive carefully, Jon; don't wanna bruise my kumquats. W-wait a minute. Wh-where're we goin', Jon? Th-This isn't the way home.
Jon Arbuckle: We're going to the vet, Garfield.
[as Garfield shoves more groceries into Jon's face, we see Jon driving recklessly in the next shot and bumping into the sidewalk repeatedly as Garfield yells]
Garfield's Singing Voice: [singing; sung during the opening and closing credits] Do the mashed potato, do the candied yam, do the funky turkey 'cause it's time to jam. If you don't wanna dance, baby, that's all right, do some non-stop shopping, to work up an appetite. Make your Thanksgiving one whole meal, 'cause the more you eat, the more grateful you are gonna fee-eeeeeeeeeeeeel.
Garfield: Thanksgiving... humbug. What good is it if you're on a diet?
[Goes to the stove counter and coats the vegetables with garlic powder sneakily]
Garfield: Huh, if I can't enjoy Thanksgiving, nobody will.
Jon Arbuckle: [it's Thanksgiving morning and the second day of Garfield's diet]
Jon Arbuckle: Good morning, Garfield. Sleep well?
Jon Arbuckle: [Garfield hisses with claws drawn, but Jon lowers his arm] Well, aren't we nasty today? Save your energy, Garfield; nothing you do can spoil my good mood. It's Thanksgiving, and I have a dinner date with my dream girl. Which reminds me, she'll be here in about - three hours, so I'd better get the old turkey outta the freezer!
Garfield: Hey Jon, another frozen dinner.
Jon Arbuckle: Everything's ruined, Garfield. What can I do? I'm doomed. Liz will never speak to me again.
Jon Arbuckle: [Garfield drags out a phone] Very funny, Garfield. I can't feed Liz this.
Garfield: Jon, you nitwit!
Jon Arbuckle: [Garfield brings out a purple sweater] I'm not cold, Garfield; why did you drag out the sweater Grandma made for me last Christmas?
Garfield: Last chance!
Jon Arbuckle: Interestingly enough, it was Abraham Lincoln who officially proclaimed the last Thursday of November as Thanksgiving in 1863, you see. Now get this: in Canada, they celebrate Thanksgiving, *too*, but it's *not* on the fourth Thursday of November. They celebrate it on the second Monday of October. Isn't that wild?
Dr. Liz Wilson: [yawning] I have no idea.
Dr. Liz Wilson: That was a *wonderful* meal. Thanks for inviting me, Jon.
Jon Arbuckle: Same time next year?
Dr. Liz Wilson: Mm-hmm, that'd be nice. I'll be here before the meal, but after the history lesson.
Jon Arbuckle: [seeing Garfield and Odie sitting on the couch lazily] Well, it was a great day! And judging by the looks of you two and your bellies, I'd say you had a great day, too. You know one thing I'm thankful for today?
Jon Arbuckle: Let's take a little walk and try to work off some of this food, boys.
Grandma: Ever had Grandma's famous turkey croquettes, Garfield? Nothin' finer.
Garfield: Go, Grandma, go!
Grandma: How about some sweet potatoes?
[Garfield blows a raspberry]
Grandma: Oh now, come on, Garfield! You've never had Grandma's sweet potatoes.
Garfield: This is true.
Grandma: A cup of butter, a cup of brown sugar, and some marshmallows!
Garfield: Starting to like 'em already!
Garfield: All right, Odie, Gimme ten!
[Odie barks and stands at attention, but smiles]
Garfield: And wipe that stupid smile off your face!
[Odies does so]
Garfield: Come on, soldier, I said down and ten!
[Odie gets down and does push-ups]
Garfield: And one-and-two, and one-and-two! Are we having fun yet? One-and-two, and one-and-two!