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Quotes for
Beauregard (Character)
from "The Muppet Show" (1976)

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The Great Muppet Caper (1981)
Kermit: Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're gonna have to catch those thieves red-handed.
[Beauregard raises his hand]
Kermit: Yes, Beau?
Beauregard: What color are their hands now?

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: I suggest we jump.
Fozzie: Are you crazy? That's at least a hundred feet!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: I didn't say it was a *good* suggestion.
Beauregard: Maybe we could jump part-way.

Beauregard: Takes awhile to get to know the town.
Fozzie: How long have you lived in London?
Beauregard: All my life.
Kermit: How come you don't have an English accent?
Beauregard: Hey, I'm lucky to have a driver's license!

Beauregard: What's your room number?
Kermit: What?
Fozzie: I don't know, but we're on the second floor.
Beauregard: Oh, I'm sorry. I can only take you as far as the lobby.

"The Muppet Show: Gene Kelly (#5.1)" (1981)
Scooter: Hey, Beau, want to know what you're gonna be doing in the future?
Beauregard: I don't even know what I'm doing now!

Beauregard: The world is going to end and when it does, something will happen that has never happened before.
Janice: You mean like if Dr. Bob actually cured a patient?
Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Or if Nurse Janice ever kept her mouth shut?
Miss Piggy: Or if we ever got one honest laugh?
Rowlf the Dog: Well, if the world's waiting for that, it will be around for a long time. Cue the announcer!

"The Muppet Show: James Coco (#3.12)" (1978)
James Coco: Let me see if my crystal ball will speak to me.
[Unveils crystal ball; Beauregard is inside]
Beauregard: Howdy.
James Coco: Aah! Bad news!
Fozzie: What?
James Coco: It spoke to me.
Fozzie: You see a tall, cute stranger?
James Coco: Could be taller, could be cuter, but it couldn't be stranger.