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: OK, are we going out there tonight? Garfield
: Maybe! Jon Arbuckle
: Are we gonna get the performance of our lives? Garfield
: Doubt it! Jon Arbuckle
: Are we gonna win? Garfield
: Not a chance! Jon Arbuckle
: All right, let's DO it!
[he and Odie dash away to the stage wing
: Let's not, and say we did!
: I think we have it wrapped up, guys. I haven't seen any competition so far, and there's only one act *after* us! Odie
: They're lucky it'll probably be a dog who plays five instruments at the same time.
Pet Search host
: Our final act this evening is Bob the Wonder Dog. He will play five, count them, FIVE instruments simultaneously! Jon Arbuckle
: Uh-oh. Garfield
: Bingo. Odie
: [referring to Jon
] Can you believe Pete's trying to scare us like that? Odie
: [actually speaking
] I don't know, I'm kinda scared.
: Around here, we don't make mistakes. Odie
: [running up
] Ta-da! Garfield
: Except occasionally in casting.
: [lying on the diving board at first, then springing up
] Hey, wait a minute! We control our own destinies, don't we? Odie
: Hm? Garfield
: That's debatable. Jon Arbuckle
: This is an island, right? There has to be some beach out there somewhere, right? We'll go rent a car, and drive until we find some fun in the sun! Right, guys! Garfield
: Rrright! Odie
: Right! Jon Arbuckle
: [leaping a little on the diving board
] Then let's do it!
[the diving board snaps off, and Jon falls into the empty pool with a crash
: Right! We'll do it right after his bones knit!
: [looking into a chest, searching for costumes
] Eureka! The mother lode! Look at all this great stuff, Odie! With these costumes, we can be - anything we want! Odie
: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
: [Garfield is lecturing on Odie chasing cars
] What does Odie do with a car when he catches one? Garfield
: He buries it in the backyard.
[Audience stars laughing
: What're you laughing at? You don't believe me? Woman
: Nah, we don't believe you! Garfield
: I can't believe my ears! Audience
: We can't believe your face! Garfield
: Hey, I did *not* come here to be insulted! Man
: Oh, where do you usually go? This whole thing is stupid! Woman
: Yeah, it's ridiculous! Garfield
: You think this is ridiculous? You should see this audience!
[Garfield leaves amid the booing audience and returns home to Odie
: Hi, boy. Had fun chasing cars? Odie
: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Garfield
: Those people didn't appreciate me. I told them you buried cars in the backyard and they made fun of me.
[they walk past various cars buried in the yard
: Boy, try and educate some people.
: [the front door opens
] Look! Footprints, and they look like they're from some sort of unearthly creature. Odie
: [looks at his own foot
] Huh? Garfield
: [slams the door shut, to Odie
] Quick, help me barricade the door!
: [reading Odie a story
] Once upon a time,
: boy how do they come up with these catchy openings?, once upon a time there was a little girl named Odielocks, Odielocks was very beautiful,
[cut to reveal that she looks like Odie in a wig and dress
: okay so I lied she was as homely as an empty refrigerator. Odie