Oscar the Grouch
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Quotes for
Oscar the Grouch (Character)
from "Sesame Street" (1969)

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Follow That Bird (1985)
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Let this be the Grouch's cause: Point out everybody's flaws! / Something is wrong with everything, except the way I sing!

Miss Finch: Come on, Big Bird, you don't want to miss your plane.
Maria: Just a minute. Give me a big hug, Big Bird.
[they embrace]
Maria: Don't forget to write.
Big Bird: I won't, Maria.
Count: Don't forget to count, Big Bird!
Big Bird: Okay, Count.
Bob: And don't forget to dress warmly, okay, Big Bird?
Big Bird: I've got my muffler, Bob.
Grover: Don't forget to breathe! In and out!
Big Bird: I always do, Grover.
[Linda signs something to Big Bird]
Big Bird: I'll read every day.
Cookie Monster: Don't forget to eat, Big Bird!
Big Bird: I won't, Cookie Monster.
[Oscar comes slowly out of his trash can]
Big Bird: Well, goodbye, Oscar.
Oscar the Grouch: [surprised] What? Why, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Oscar the Grouch: [driving into a junkyard] This is where I wanna be - grouch paradise! Just look it at. It's like a work of art.
Telly Monster: It is different, Maria.
Maria: Oscar, I want you to turn this car around right now and head for Toadstool!
Oscar the Grouch: Ah, an angry face in a beautiful place - heaven.

[first lines]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, would you please rise for the Grouch Anthem.
Oscar the Grouch: No, no, no! With the Grouch Anthem, you stay sitting down! Down in front there!

Oscar the Grouch: [after the Grouch Anthem] Well, anyway, you've seen the best part of this movie, so sit back, relax, and have a rotten time!

Oscar the Grouch: Nice work, turkey!

Sesame Street, Special (1988) (TV)
Kermit the Frog: Uh, public affairs and news? McNeill-Lehrer? Bill Moyers?
Oscar the Grouch: Not my cup of mud.

Oscar the Grouch: [on Pledge Drives] Now that was television! Why can't they do shows like that more often? Well it doesn't matter 'cause I taped it and now I can watch it any time I want. I'm a lucky grouch.

Kermit the Frog: Hi ho there. This is Kermit the Frog and I'm here to find out why Oscar the Grouch likes public television.
Oscar the Grouch: I don't like public television!

Kermit the Frog: How about live concerts?
Oscar the Grouch: I prefer recorded concerts on badly scratched records.
Kermit the Frog: How about movie classics in the original black and white without interruptions?
Oscar the Grouch: I prefer colorized versions with lots and lots of commercial interruptions!

Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (1978) (TV)
Maria: Oscar, I hope you're satisfied. You had to start all that stuff about Santa and tiny chimneys, and you've upset Big Bird so much, he's gone.
Oscar: Well, I didn't know he'd do anything dumb like that! I was only teasin' him!
Maria: Teasing him? Telling him that Santa's not gonna bring anybody any presents because he can't get down a tiny chimney? Now, you call that teasing?
Oscar: Well, he'll come back! He's part homing pigeon! Besides, what's the big deal? He lives outdoors all the time anyway!
Maria: Now, look here, Oscar. Now, the nest is something different. That's his home. He's got an electric blanket there and he's got heating pads and he's around all the people that he loves, but here, it's Christmas Eve and he's out there somewhere in this big city, and it keeps snowing and it's getting colder and he could be in serious trouble unless we find him! So what are you gonna do about it?
Oscar: I'm gonna find him and bring him back!

Big Bird: [Oscar crashed through a wall and fell down the stairs] Oscar, are you okay?
Oscar: [pops up in his can] Okay? Let's go back and do it again!

Big Bird: Hey Oscar, wait! Hey Oscar! I know how Santa gets down the chimney! All he does is take that big belt of his and tie it real tight around his waist, and it makes him so skinny he fits right down the chimney.
Oscar: [pops out of the can] You are, without a doubt, the stupidest...
[most of what he says next is drowned out by the noise of a passing subway train]
Oscar: ... bird I've ever met.
[goes back in the can]

"Sesame Street: Mine-Itis Hits Sesame Street (#39.40)" (2008)
Sofia: Oh, Oscar. How could you eat at a time like this?
Oscar the Grouch: With a spoon?
Sofia: [Angrily] You know what, Oscar? You are a grouchy monster. THAT'S WHO YOU ARE! YOU NEED TO TELL US THE CURE FOR MINE-ITIS!
Oscar the Grouch: OH, YEAH? And why would you want me to do a silly thing like this?
Oscar the Grouch: Well, The neighborhood never looked perfect.

Sofia: Maybe Brian Williams was wrong all along.
Elmo: AHEM! Elmo Monster is happy and proud to announce that people are still sharing on Sesame Street! YAYYYYYYY!
Oscar the Grouch: Heh-Heh-Heh! Well, I got some news to tell you. There won't be much sharing going on for long! In case you may not notice. There is a whole lot of Mine-Itis going on.
Everybody: [Elmo and Sofia] Mine-Itis?
Oscar the Grouch: Yes, It's a grouch sickness that makes everything world their's and they don't want to share it.
Sofia: If it's a grouch sickeness. Why is everybody getting it?
Oscar the Grouch: Just luck I guess.
[Looks through his binocular]
Oscar the Grouch: Ah, What did I tell you. Maria is coming down with Mine-Itis right now. Look at her. She is starting to get wildly itchy.
Maria Figueroa Rodriguez: [as she scratches her skin] Guys, I am starting to get wildly itchy.
Oscar the Grouch: Now he hopping like a kangaroo.
Luis Rodriguez: Why are you hopping like a kangaroo?
Maria Figueroa Rodriguez: I don't know?
Oscar the Grouch: Now she twirling.
Maria Figueroa Rodriguez: [as she twirls] Anybody feel like twirling?
Sofia: I don't believe this!
Elmo: Maria?
Maria Figueroa Rodriguez: MINE!
[Takes all the food away from Luis and Gabi]
Everybody: [Elmo and Sofia] MINE-ITIS!
Oscar the Grouch: A classic case.
Announcer #2: And now, Here is Brian Williams with a Sesame Street Nightly News Update!
Brian Williams: This just in, Maria from Sesame Street has the case of Mine-Itis and she is not sharing. I repeat, Another case has been confirmed.
Grouch Theif: MINE
[Steals Brian's tie]
Brian Williams: HEY! THAT'S MY CLIP ON TIE!
Everybody: Mine-Itis!
Oscar the Grouch: No that's just a grouch who like to steal things.
Grouch Theif: MINE!
[Takes his microphone]

Announcer #2: That was Brian Williams with the Sesame Street nightly news update.
Sofia: Hope no one else gets it
Oscar the Grouch: I wouldn't bet on it.
Luis Rodriguez: Gabi, I am feeling kinda itchy.
Gabi: Me too.
Sofia: That's the first symptom!
Sofia: That's the second symptom!
Everybody: [Luis and Gabi] MINE!
Everybody: [Elmo and Sofia] MINE-ITIS!
[Screams in a panic attack]
Everybody: [We see the citizens of Sesame Street chanting MINE! MINE! MINE!]

The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland (1999)
Oscar: Huxley! First this guy ruined my beautiful Grouclland, and now, he's messin' with my frie...
[everyone is surprised to hear what Oscar just said]
Big Bird: Oscar, were you gonna say "friend"?
Oscar: No. I was gonna say... "French-fried fish-heads"!
[everyone else scoffs in disagreement]
Oscar: All right. So the little stink ball IS my friend. Oh, I gotta go do somethin' about this!

Oscar: Who says you can't go home again?
Susan: Oscar, maybe you can get your friends to tell us where Elmo is.
Cookie Monster, Telly, Zoe: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Oscar: In a minute. First I have to look at the old neighborhood here. Hey, I wonder where that old septic tank is.
Susan: Hey, wait a minute!
Gordon: No, Oscar, we've got to find Elmo first!
Cookie Monster, Telly: Elmo! Elmo!
Susan: Let's go this way.

Grouch Cop: It's against the law to ask for help in Grouchland! You have the right to scream your head off. Should you give up the right to scream your head off, someone who will scream their head off... will be provided for you.
Oscar: Come on!
Cookie Monster: Me innocent. Hello? Me need cookies!

A Special Sesame Street Christmas (1978) (TV)
Leslie Uggams: Yoo Hoo! Anybody home?
Oscar the Grouch: Oh, it's you, huh? Back for seconds. Look, Leslie, I'm glad that someone else agrees with me about all this Christmas nonsense here.
Leslie Uggams: I don't agree with you, Oscar.
Oscar the Grouch: You don't? You mean, you're with them?
Leslie Uggams: Yes, and you should be with them. You would find that Christmas is something very very special.
Oscar the Grouch: Oh, you mean stop fighting it, huh?
Leslie Uggams: Exactly.
Oscar the Grouch: Hmmm, sort of go with the flow. You get my drift?
Leslie Uggams: And the snow, and the mistletoe.
Oscar the Grouch: Bleck!
Leslie Uggams: Oh, Oscar, take it from me, you don't know what you're missing.
Leslie Uggams: Country roads with tractor plows.
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Icy bales with shivering cows.
Leslie Uggams: [singing] City sidewalks. Big Christmas rush.
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Ladies stocking slithered with slush.
Leslie Uggams: [singing] Time for Santa on every street.
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Time when landlords turn down the heat.
Leslie Uggams: [singing] Morning windows sparkled with frost.
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Flying snow tires and the high cost.
Leslie Uggams: [singing] Happy houses festive and bright.
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Christmas trees that lean to the right.
Leslie Uggams: [singing] Crackling yule logs orange and blue.
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Three kids all left home with the flu.
Leslie Uggams: [singing] Christmas cards from old and dear friends.
Oscar the Grouch: [singing] Christmas bills that give you the bends. Heh heh heh.
Leslie Uggams: Bleck!

Michael Jackson: [reading out loud] One of the main reasons for seeing ghosts is because you are not keeping yourself busy enough. Your imagination is allowed to run wild.
Oscar The Grouch: Uh, hey fella! What's that book you're reading there? Huh?
Michael Jackson: "Everything You Wanted To Know About Ghosts But Were Afraid To Ask". It's really trash.
Oscar The Grouch: Oh, well, I happen to like trash. I'll tell you what. I'll give you this brand new broken portable TV for it, huh? What do you say?
Michael Jackson: Nevermind. You can have it for gratis.
Oscar The Grouch: Yeah, but can I have it for free, too?
Michael Jackson: That too. Merry Christmas!
Oscar The Grouch: Well, I won't go that far, but thanks, pal!
Michael Jackson: See you later! Bye!

Leslie Uggams: [off camera] Merry Christmas, everybody! This is Leslie Uggams. You're looking at Sesame Street, and yes, it's the Christmas season.
Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] Hello, this is Oscar the Grouch speaking. I can't stand Christmas! I'm a 100% Grouch and proud of it.
Leslie Uggams: [off camera] Oh, Oscar!
Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] Anyway, I still have orders to say, "Welcome to 'A Special Sesame Street Christmas'". Wanna know what drives me bananas about the holiday season? It's all the unexpected company. For example, our star, Leslie Uggams.
Leslie Uggams: [on camera] Oh, thank you, Oscar!
Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] Guest stars Ethyl Merman...
Ethel Merman: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
Oscar the Grouch: [off camera] ... Anne Murray...
Anne Murray: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
Oscar the Grouch: [of camera] ... I mean, why do that have to bring all that Christmas cheerfulness to Sesame Street?
Leslie Uggams: [on camera] Because it's fun, Oscar. We'll also celebrate the holidays with
[off camera]
Leslie Uggams: Imogene Coca...
Imogene Coca: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
Leslie Uggams: [off camera] ... Dick Smothers...
Dick Smothers: [on camera] Merry Christmas!
Leslie Uggams: [off camera] ... Michael Jackson. Straighten that garland, Michael! The one and only Mr. Henry Fonda. And in addition to all that company dropping by, there will be those Sesame Street Muppets and those regular old buddies of yours and mine! Big Bird, Bob, David, Mr. Hooper, and Maria!
Oscar the Grouch: [on camera] Bah humbug!

Five Sesame Street Stories (1985) (V)
Big Bird: I'm going to go get some flowers at Macintosh's store right now. I'll buy some flowers to put in my nest.
Oscar the Grouch: Yeah! You could get some cactus flowers or a Venus Flytrap.

Oscar the Grouch: I love this crummy weather. Gotta chill this hot chocolate down so it tastes good and yucky.
Big Bird: Hi, Oscar.
Oscar the Grouch: Hey, what's the matter, Big Bird? It's a great storm. You ought to be happy.
Big Bird: I'm tired of this plain, white snow.
Oscar the Grouch: Yeah. Me too. I wish somebody would put some dirt or soot on it, or something. We haven't had any good slush all winter.
Big Bird: That's not what I meant, Oscar! I need the spring. I'm sad and slumpy. I need the spring. I'm all goosebumpy. The cold and slush and all that sneezing? I hate the snow!
Oscar the Grouch: Who needs the sun? I like it freezing. Let that wind blow! Oh, that's heaven, gloomy and deary. I love a day that is chilly, wet, and bleary.
Big Bird: I need the days with the warm and gentle sun. This long dark winter is just no fun.
Oscar the Grouch: It warms my heart to feel the frost.
Big Bird: I want the warmer days I've lost, of spring, spring, spring!
Oscar the Grouch: Well, forget it, feather face!

Don't Eat the Pictures: Sesame Street at the Metropolitan Museum of Art (1983) (TV)
David: I've got a real bad feeling that this museum is locked, and we are locked in the museum for the night.
Telly Monster: [greatly worried] David, what are we going to do now?
Oscar the Grouch: Well, I've got a suggestion. Let's panic!

[Everyone is looking for Big Bird]
Oscar the Grouch: Big Bird! Oh, I've searched everywhere, and there's no sign of that oversized finch! And if I see another masterpiece, I'll go mad! Pretty, gold frames, and there's no mud on them. Yuck!
[glances at another room]
Oscar the Grouch: I wonder what's in there.
[notices a sign]
Oscar the Grouch: Oh. Says uh..."These statues are from ancient Greece and Rome. Some are as much as 2,600 years old." Well, that's something.
[continues reading]
Oscar the Grouch: "Because some of them fell of buildings, or were buried during earthquakes..." Heh, heh! "... or worn out by the sea, they are broken." Broken?
[enters the room]
Oscar the Grouch: Oh man! They ''are'' broken! Oh, really wrecked! Heh heh heh heh! Heaven! Why it's trash. The most beautiful trash I've ever seen!

A Muppet Family Christmas (1987) (TV)
Emily 'Ma' Bear: Aren't they adorable?
Oscar the Grouch: Hey, don't encourage them!

Oscar the Grouch: Hey everybody, quiet down! There's a bulletin on TV!
The Newsman: And now, for this news flash: the worst blizzard in 50 years is approaching us at a great rate. The Weather Service reports that barometers are falling sharply.
[a lot of wooden barometers crash on him]
The Newsman: Oh no! Whoa...

"Sesame Street: Episode #19.47" (1988)
Maria: Oscar, I have tried stories, I have tried lullabies, I tried different things. But Irvine keeps doing the same. She keeps on crying and crying and throwing a temper tantrum. I can't stand it anymore. I quit! I give up!
Oscar the Grouch: Oh, Relax sweetie. There is only one way to get a grouch baby back to sleep.
[to Grungetta]
Oscar the Grouch: Oh, Grungetta!
Grungetta: Yes? Oscar?
Oscar the Grouch: I just had a rotten time with you, today!
Oscar the Grouch: NO YOU DID NOT!
Grungetta: DID TOO!
Oscar the Grouch: YOU DID NOT!
Grungetta: I DID TOO!
[They keep arguing until Irvine finally calms down]
Oscar the Grouch: Hey, Look Irvine finally calms down. Grouch babies love to calm down to a sound of a good loud argument.
[They continue to argue at each other]

"Scrubs: My ABC's (#8.5)" (2009)
Dr. Elliot Reid: I wonder if they found a new head of medicine yet?
The Janitor: Actually, they found one this morning.
Oscar the Grouch: All right, you knuckleheads! Shape up! I'm watching you, John Dorian, and guess what? My eyes never close!
The Janitor: Mine neither.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [back to reality] I grew up on the street. Not the hood. Sesame Street.

"Sesame Street: An African Lullaby by Lillian (#23.130)" (1992)
Lillian: Why, Oscar? Why?
Oscar: Because, It's time to say goodbye! A perfect time to do a welcome dance!
Lillian: Come on, Children! Let's go home! I'll sing you a nice little African lullaby!
Oscar: Sesame Street was sponsored by the letters L, and Z, and by the number 10! Welcome to Sesame Street!
[Ending credits is shown]
Oscar: Sesame Street is a production of, The Children's Television Workshop.

"Sesame Street: Episode #1.4" (1969)
[last lines]
Oscar the Grouch: You call this a production? It looks like it was produced by Big Bird! Talk about eggs!

"The Simpsons: Missionary: Impossible (#11.15)" (2000)
Oscar the Grouch: Give us the money!
Elmo: Elmo knows where you live!

The Great Muppet Caper (1981)
Truck Driver: What are you doing here?
Oscar the Grouch: A very brief cameo.
Truck Driver: Me too.

"Sesame Street: Episode #17.1" (1985)
Oscar the Grouch: [offscreen] Aw, how's that for disgusting? If I watch anymore of this hugging, I'm gonna get sick to my stomach! Let's get out of here! But first, I've got to say that this revolting spectacle was brought to you by the letters J and S and by the number 6. And Sesame Street is a production of the Children's Television Workshop. Hey, come on. I'll meet you down at the swamp. Heh heh.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009)
Oscar the Grouch: Oh, come on! I'm bad! Everyone, look at how bad I am. Raaar, Raaar, fear me! Raaaaaaraaarr...
[stops looking depressed]
Kah Mun Rah: I'm sorry, I'm just not buying it. You don't seem bad. You just seem... vaguely grouchy.