Dick Dastardly
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Quotes for
Dick Dastardly (Character)
from "Wacky Races" (1968)

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"Wacky Races: Rhode Island Road Race/The Great Cold Rush Race (#1.9)" (1968)
Dick Dastardly: [referring to Penelope Pitstop, of whom is catching up to him] If there is anything I can't stand, it's a pushy female!

Dick Dastardly: [referring to Professor Pat Pending, of whom has rescued Penelope Pitstop from Dastardly] That's another thing I can't stand: A goody good do-gooder!

[Dick Dastardly uses his "road-hogger" to prevent the Ant Hill Mob and Peter Perfect from passing him. Both the Ant Hill Mob and Peter Perfect are then forced off a cliff]
Dick Dastardly: I figured with a little persuasion, they'd be willing to drop out of the race!

[Penelope Pitstop sees an abominable snowman, unaware that it is Dick Dastardly disguised as one]
Penelope Pitstop: Well, I do declare, a cute, old, adorable snowman!
Dick Dastardly: You pronounce it "abominable"!
[Dastardly roars]
Dick Dastardly: Go back!

"Wacky Races: Speeding for Smogland/Race Rally to Raleigh (#1.14)" (1968)
Dick Dastardly: [after losing yet another race] Oh, who wanted to win this old race, anyway? I did! I wanted to win this race! I never get to win a race!

Dick Dastardly: [watches Red Max fly over a trap that he has set up] That was a dirty trick! To escape my dirty trick!

Dick Dastardly: All's fair in love and races!

Dick Dastardly: [after discovering a King Arthur movie set] I've always wanted to be a director. So... I'll start by directing the other Wacky Racers into trouble!

"Wacky Races: Scout Scatter/Free Wheeling to Wheeling (#1.5)" (1968)
Dick Dastardly: [to Muttley, of whom laughs after putting Dastardly in yet another predicament] One more snicker out of you, and I'll lease you out as winter headquarters for a flea circus!

[Dastardly has found some construction vehicles, and a devious plan forms in his mind. He starts by using a bulldozer to push Clyde away]
Clyde: Hey! Nobody pushes Clyde around!
Dick Dastardly: Oh, yeah?
Dick Dastardly: Take a ride, Clyde!

"Wacky Races: Wacky Race to Ripsaw/Oils Well That Ends Well (#1.10)" (1968)
Dick Dastardly: We have this race in the bag, Muttley! Or you could say, in the pipe?
[Dastardly and Muttley laugh it off]

"Wacky Races: Why Oh Why Wyoming/Beat the Clock to Yellow Rock (#1.2)" (1968)
Penelope Pitstop: Hi there, y'all!
Dick Dastardly: Hi there y'all yourself!

"Wacky Races: See-Saw to Arkansas/Creepy Trip to Lemon Twist (#1.1)" (1968)
[while the Ant Hill Mob are disguised as the Seven Dwarfs, Dick Dastardly passes by]
Clyde: [to Dastardly] We're the Seven Little Dwarfs.
Dick Dastardly: Well, I'm Snow White, so tell me where the highway is.
Clyde: Sure, you just make a sharp turn left.
Dick Dastardly: Thanks, shorty.
Dick Dastardly: You get it? Shorty?
[drives off]
Clyde: Yeah. You're gonna get it!
[as informed, Dastardly makes a sharp turn left... into a mud pit]
Dick Dastardly: What will I do? I'm stuck in the mud!
Clyde: Keep going! Maybe you'll strike oil!
[Clyde and the rest of the Ant Hill Mob laugh and drive off, leaving Dastardly to sink in the mud. Muttley laughs it off, too]

The Funtastic World of Hanna-Barbera (1990)
Dick Dastardly: I'm as deliciously wicked and unscrupulous as ever. In fact, you should make me and Muttley the stars of Hanna-Barbera's next project.
Joseph Barbera: Sorry, Dastardly, but Elroy's next followed by the Flintstones.
Elroy Jetson: Yeah!
William Hanna: Then Scooby-Doo!
Dick Dastardly: Enough! If I'm not the star of your next project, then no one will be.