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Quotes for
Mrs. Dilber (Character)
from A Christmas Carol (2009)

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A Christmas Carol (1951)
Mrs. Dilber: [of Jacob Marley] Is he dead?
Ebenezer: Yes.
Mrs. Dilber: [to the undertaker] It's just like you said!
The Undertaker: I always know.

Ebenezer: Who is that? The doctor?
Mrs. Dilber: The undertaker.
Ebenezer: You don't believe in letting the grass grow under your feet, do you?
The Undertaker: Ours is a very competitive profession, sir.

Mrs. Dilber: Are you all right, Mr. Scrooge?
Ebenezer: [ecstatic] I... I don't know. I don't know anything. I never did know anything.
Ebenezer: [starts laughing]
Ebenezer: But now I KNOW that I don't know anything!
[begins to sing and clap his hands]
Ebenezer: I don't know anything!/ I never did know anything!/ But now I know that I don't know/ All on a Christmas morning!
[speaking again]
Ebenezer: Shall I stand on my head? I must stand on my head.
[He does so, and Mrs. Dilber runs out screaming]

Mrs. Dilber: A guinea? For me? What for?
Ebenezer: I'll give you a guess!
Mrs. Dilber: [pause] To keep me mouth shut?

Mrs. Dilber: [to Bob Cratchit] I've come to say that Mister Marley ain't expected to make it through the night, and that if Mister Scrooge wishes to take his leave of him, he'd best nip along sharply, or there won't be no Mister Marley to take leave of, as we know the use of the word. He's breathing very queer - when he does breathe at all.

Mrs. Dilber: [Scrooge raises her pay from 2 shillings a week to 16] Do you want to see a doctor?
Ebenezer: A doctor? Certainly not, nor the undertaker!

Mrs. Dilber: Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge! In keeping with the situation!

Mrs. Dilber: Bob's yer uncle Mr. Scrooge!


A Christmas Carol (1984) (TV)
Mrs. Dilber: [having cleaned out Scrooge's townhouse, she's now selling his things on the rough side of town] ... Watch, bed-curtains, blankets... So what's your offer for all these?
Old Joe: One pound-sterling, five crowns and three schillings. Not a hay-penny more if I was to be boiled for it.
Mrs. Dilber: You're hardened, Joe, and no mistake!
Old Joe: I'm ALWAYS kind to the ladies! That's the way I ruined myself!
[both laugh]
Ebenezer Scrooge: [to Christmas Future] Spirit, what perversity is this? I've asked to see some emotion connected with that man's death... and you've shown me only greed, and malice, and apathy! Let me see some TENDERNESS, some... DEPTH OF FEELING!
[finds himself back at the Cratchit House]
Ebenezer Scrooge: There must be some mistake; your fellow Spirit already brought me here, earlier.
[Christmas Future motions for him to go on in]
Ebenezer Scrooge: Very well... You're devilishly hard to have conversation with.


The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
Mrs. Dilber: I've got his blankets.
Old Joe: Ah, his blankets... Why, Mrs. Dilber, they're still warm! I don't pay extra for the warmth, you know.
Mrs. Dilber: You should. It's the only warmth he ever had.