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: You wished for a glass of water? Elmo
: Uh huh. Lightning
: Why? Elmo
: 'Cause Elmo was thirsty. Lightning
: But you could've had anything! Elmo
: A diet soda?
: [Cookie Monster pretends to be Santa Claus to get Elmo's cookies
] Ha ha ha! You're not Santa Claus, you're Cookie Monster!
] Cookie Monster
: Oh well, what the hey? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
: Elmo won't fall asleep, no no no, not like last year.
: How come Maria and Luis aren't fixing the toasters? Luis
: Oh, we're too busy celebratin' Christmas. Maria
: Yeah! Wrapping presents, unwrapping presents. Luis
: Cooking turkeys! Maria
: Eating turkeys! It's a full-time job! Who has time to work?'!
: Oh, Oscar. How could you eat at a time like this? Oscar the Grouch
: With a spoon? Sofia
] You know what, Oscar? You are a grouchy monster. THAT'S WHO YOU ARE! YOU NEED TO TELL US THE CURE FOR MINE-ITIS! Oscar the Grouch
: OH, YEAH? And why would you want me to do a silly thing like this? Elmo
] BECAUSE, NOBODY ON SESAME STREET IS SHARING! Oscar the Grouch
: Well, The neighborhood never looked perfect.
: Maybe Brian Williams was wrong all along. Elmo
: AHEM! Elmo Monster is happy and proud to announce that people are still sharing on Sesame Street! YAYYYYYYY! Oscar the Grouch
: Heh-Heh-Heh! Well, I got some news to tell you. There won't be much sharing going on for long! In case you may not notice. There is a whole lot of Mine-Itis going on. Everybody
: [Elmo and Sofia
] Mine-Itis? Oscar the Grouch
: Yes, It's a grouch sickness that makes everything world their's and they don't want to share it. Sofia
: If it's a grouch sickeness. Why is everybody getting it? Oscar the Grouch
: Just luck I guess.
[Looks through his binocular
] Oscar the Grouch
: Ah, What did I tell you. Maria is coming down with Mine-Itis right now. Look at her. She is starting to get wildly itchy. Maria Figueroa Rodriguez
: [as she scratches her skin
] Guys, I am starting to get wildly itchy. Oscar the Grouch
: Now he hopping like a kangaroo. Luis Rodriguez
: Why are you hopping like a kangaroo? Maria Figueroa Rodriguez
: I don't know? Oscar the Grouch
: Now she twirling. Maria Figueroa Rodriguez
: [as she twirls
] Anybody feel like twirling? Sofia
: I don't believe this! Elmo
: Maria? Maria Figueroa Rodriguez
[Takes all the food away from Luis and Gabi
: [Elmo and Sofia
] MINE-ITIS! Oscar the Grouch
: A classic case. Announcer #2
: And now, Here is Brian Williams with a Sesame Street Nightly News Update! Brian Williams
: This just in, Maria from Sesame Street has the case of Mine-Itis and she is not sharing. I repeat, Another case has been confirmed. Grouch Theif
[Steals Brian's tie
] Brian Williams
: HEY! THAT'S MY CLIP ON TIE! Everybody
: Mine-Itis! Oscar the Grouch
: No that's just a grouch who like to steal things. Grouch Theif
[Takes his microphone
: HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY MICROPHONE! Announcer #2
: That was Brian Williams with the Sesame Street nightly news update. Sofia
: Hope no one else gets it Oscar the Grouch
: I wouldn't bet on it. Luis Rodriguez
: Gabi, I am feeling kinda itchy. Gabi
: Me too. Elmo
: OH NO! LUIS AND GABI ARE ITCHING! Sofia
: That's the first symptom! Elmo
: NOW THEY ARE HOPPING LIKE A KANGAROO! Sofia
: That's the second symptom! Elmo
: NOW THEY ARE TWIRLING! Sofia
: THAT'S THE THIRD SYMPTOM! Everybody
: [Luis and Gabi
] MINE! Everybody
: [Elmo and Sofia
[Screams in a panic attack
: [We see the citizens of Sesame Street chanting MINE! MINE! MINE!
'Miami Mice' announcer
: Miami Mice! J.P. Mouse
: YO! Alistair Cookie
: Me, Your host, Alistair Cookie. Welcome to "Monsterpiece Theater", Home of Classy Drama! Audience
: SQUEAL! OF! FORTUNE!
[Applause as the theme plays and the title opens up
: [We see Pat Playjacks through the curtains
] Pat Playjacks
: Give the pig a spin on the turn table!
[as Count Von Count spins the turn table
: ONE! Pig
: TWO! Pig
[Ping as the turntable stops and audience applause
: [And transitions back to Bill Cosby
] Bill Cosby
: There is secret behind all this kidding around, You see? Elmo
: Secret? Oh, Elmo just loved secret. Bill Cosby
: Alright. Elmo. You want to a Secret.
] Bill Cosby
: There is curriculum. Elmo
: A curriculum? Bill Cosby
: Yes. Elmo
: Elmo won't tell. Bill Cosby
: Thank you.
[to the viewers
] Bill Cosby
: It's been on research so it's always changing. First, We used to see kids count to 10. Now they are up to 40. So you see. Elmo
: Mr. Cosby. Bill Cosby
: Yes, Elmo. Elmo
: What is a curriculum?
: Chief, what's the red furry thing at the top of the ladder? Chief Kirby
: What red furry thing? Gordon
: [They find Elmo at the top of the ladder
] Hey! Hey, Elmo, how did you get up there? Elmo
: Look, Mr. Chief! Look, everybody! Elmo is a firefighter! Gordon
: Elmo, get down from there now! Elmo
: Oh, jeez.
: Just look at *this*. Isn't it fantastic? Maria
: No it isn't, it's terrific. Luis
: Fantastic. Maria
: Terrific. Luis
: Fantastic! Maria
: Terrific! Gordon
] Can't you see that you both agree / What's the reason for this spat? Susan
] You like to say things this way / And you like to say things that. Telly Monster
] What a shame / It all means the same / There's no need to make a scene. Elmo
] There are lot's of ways to say the very same thing / If you know what I mean / SO...
[the Simpsons are in jail with Michael Moore, the Dixie Chicks, and Elmo
: Elmo go to wrong fundraiser.
: [after Jon Stewart and others are stuck in the dressing room
] Oh, no! If they can't get out, that means there's no show. And if there's no show, then all those people who wanted to hear the music will be sad. And if all those people are sad, they might not go to work tomorrow! And if they don't go to work tomorrow, the economy will collapse! And if the economy collapses, the country... will be... DOOMED! DOOMED, I tell you! This is terrible! Elmo
: Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy. Easy, Telly. It's just a T.V. show. David
] Watch your mouth, little guy! Now, I'd expect that attitude over on cable. But this is *network*!