Willie Tanner
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Quotes for
Willie Tanner (Character)
from "ALF" (1986)

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"ALF: Suspicious Minds (#3.15)" (1989)
Willie Tanner: That was not Elvis Presley.
ALF: Are you kidding?, he was on that sandwich like red beans on rice.
Lynn Tanner: He didn't seem like Elvis to me either.
ALF: Elvis was a brilliant actor. He could play anything from a singing race car driver to a singing deep sea diver.

Willie Tanner: You've convinced me ALF, that we're living two doors down the street from Elvis Presley and Raquel is Janis Joplin and Trevor is Buddy Holly.
ALF: That'll be the day!

"ALF: Border Song (#1.18)" (1987)
Willie: What are you playing?
ALF: [at a video game] Space Invaders.
Willie: What do they do? Live in your garage, eat all your food, dig up your back yard?
ALF: You're in a mood...
Willie: Yes, I am! Because I found my good hoe, in THIS condition!
[holds up a pole with a bit of mangled scrap iron on one end]
ALF: Oh, yeah. Sorry. I was plowing up your yard and I hit a water main... Don't worry, it wasn't yours.

Willie: I was going down Fifth Street Road, and instead of taking a left I took a right...
ALF: I thought you couldn't turn right down that road, it's a one-way street.
Willie: ALF, what difference does it make to you?
ALF: What difference does it make? HAH! I'm not driving with you anymore!

"ALF: Original Unaired Pilot (#1.0)" (2004)
Willie Tanner: This is about the use of the car. You know, you're not allowed to use the car on a school night; you said that yourself. Now, if we don't respect the rules we make, we're never going to respect each other. I mean, have we learned nothing from watching The Cosby Show?
[speaking to Lynn]

Willie Tanner: That is not considerate. That's is thee OPPOSITE of considerate; that is INconsiderate!

"ALF: Mother and Child Reunion (#1.13)" (1987)
[ALF is discovered under Willie and Kate's bed]
Kate: ALF, what are you doing down there?
ALF: Trying to keep warm! The garage is FREEZING! I've been down here the last couple of nights!
Willie: [uneasy] Were you here, Sunday night?
ALF: [winks] Don't worry, I was sound asleep. Didn't hear a THING.

"ALF: Baby, You Can Drive My Car (#1.10)" (1986)
Brian Tanner: [as everyone is about to leave to find Alf, the phone rings, and he answers it]
[Into phone]
Brian Tanner: Hello? Just a second.
[Turning to him]
Brian Tanner: Dad? It's for you.
Willie Tanner: We don't have time. Tell him I'll call him back.
Brian Tanner: [Shrugs, then into phone] He say's he'll have to call you later, Alf.
[At that Willy and Kate run straight to the phone]

"ALF: Strangers in the Night (#1.2)" (1986)
Willie Tanner: ALF why are you answering the phone?
'ALF': I live here.
Willie Tanner: I called to speak to Mrs Ochmonek
'ALF': Hold on, I'll get her.
Willie Tanner: I'll call back.
'ALF': Your dime.
[The phone rings again, as Mrs Ochmonek approaches the phone, it steps]
Willie Tanner: Why do you keep answering the phone?
'ALF': You keep calling
Willie Tanner: Where's Mrs Ochmonek?
'ALF': I don't know, the last time I saw her, she was stealing my pizza oh and don't worry about the cat.
Willie Tanner: Why? What happened to lucky?
Willie Tanner: I might've stepped on him when I opened the fridge door.
Willie Tanner: You were in the kitchen?
'ALF': I had to break in through the back door after I fell out the window.
Willie Tanner: Where are you, what are you doing?
'ALF': I'm in the bedroom wearing a blue dress.
Willie Tanner: Don't go anywhere
'ALF': Where would I go? I'm not wearing the right shoes
Willie Tanner: [Hangs up] I should've locked him in the garage!
[To a fellow social worker]
Willie Tanner: Kids

"ALF: Turkey in the Straw: Part 2 (#3.8)" (1988)
Willie Tanner: ALF!
Flakey Pete: [walks into the kitchen] Oh. Hi Willie.
Willie Tanner: Where is he?
Flakey Pete: Who? You're little alien guy?
Willie Tanner: If anything... anything has happened to him, you're gonna be...
ALF: Hey Willie.
Willie Tanner: ALF!
ALF: Willie!
Willie Tanner: ALF!
ALF: Willie!
Brian Tanner: ALF!
ALF: Willie!
Lynn Tanner: ALF!
ALF: Willie!
Kate Tanner: ALF!
ALF: Willie?

"ALF: Somewhere Over the Rerun (#2.2)" (1987)
Willie Tanner: Alf if you let us get some sleep I promise you will get back to this gilligans island business first thing in the morning. and maybe just maybe we will build you a little lagon all of youre own.

"ALF: Shake, Rattle and Roll (#3.25)" (1989)
Willie Tanner: Have you ever heard of catastrophic expectations?
ALF: Yes, it's a Melmakian dating service.

"ALF: A.L.F. (#1.1)" (1986)
[first lines]
Willie Tanner: [voice-over] This is the way it began, that extraordinary night. The night... *he* came.

"ALF: Prime Time (#2.5)" (1987)
Willie Tanner: Let me just try to understand, ALF.
Willie Tanner: The operative word in People Log is "people"... one of which you are... not... one.
ALF: That's cruel. Not to mention poorly constructed from a grammatical standpoint.