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: [about "Hakuna Matata"
] It's our motto. Young Simba
: What's a motto? Timon
: Nothing. What's a motto with you?
[Timon and Zazu are cornered by hyenas
: Please don't eat me. Pumbaa
: Drop 'em! Banzai
: Hey! Who's the pig? Pumbaa
: Are you talkin' to me? Timon
: Uh-oh, they called him a pig. Pumbaa
: Are you talking to *me*? Timon
: Ya shouldn't have done that. Pumbaa
: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? Timon
: Now they're in for it. Pumbaa
: THEY CALL ME MR. PIG!
[Charging towards the Hyenas
: And if he falls / In love tonight / It can be assumed... Pumbaa
: His carefree days / With us are history. Timon
: In short, our pal / Is doomed!
[Timon and Pumbaa both start crying
: Hey, Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there? Timon
: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know. Pumbaa
: Oh. What are they? Timon
: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing. Pumbaa
: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away. Timon
: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.
: Gee. He looks blue. Pumbaa
: I'd say brownish-gold. Timon
: No, no, no. I mean he's depressed. Pumbaa
: Your Majesty. I gravel at your feet.
[starts kissing Simba's feet
] Adult Simba
: Stop that. Timon
: It's not gravel, it's grovel.
: Geez! It's a lion! Run, Pumbaa! Move it! Pumbaa
: Hey, Timon, it's just a *little* lion. Look at him. He's so cute and all alone! Can we keep him? Timon
: Pumbaa, are you nuts? We're talking about a lion; Lions eat guys like us! Pumbaa
: But he's so little. Timon
: He's gonna get bigger. Pumbaa
: Maybe he'll be on our side. Timon
: A - huh! That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Maybe he'll b-... Hey, I got it! What if he's on our side? You know, having a lion around might not be such a bad idea.
: Who's the brains in this outfit? Pumbaa
: Uh... Timon
: My point exactly.
: Well... Timon
: Yeah? Adult Simba
: Somebody once told me that the great kings of the past are up there, watching over us. Pumbaa
: Really? Timon
: You mean a bunch of royal dead guys are watching us?
[slurping up a worm
: Slimy yet satisfying.
: Man, I'm stuffed. Pumbaa
: Me, too. I ate like a pig. Adult Simba
: Pumbaa, you *are* a pig.
: It's times like this my buddy Timon here says: you got to put your behind in your past. Timon
: No, no, no. Amateur. Lie down before you hurt yourself. It's "You got to put your past behind you."
] And I got down-hearted. Timon
: How did you feel? Pumbaa
: Every time that I... Timon
: [clapping Pumbaa's mouth shut
] Hey, Pumbaa, not in front of the kids. Pumbaa
: [Faces the camera
] Oh. Sorry.
: What'd ya do, kid? Young Simba
: Something terrible. But I don't wanna talk about it. Timon
: Good. We don't wanna hear about it.
] Luau! / If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat / Eat my buddy Pumbaa here, / 'Cause he is a treat / Come on down and dine / On this tasty swine/ All you hafta do is get in line. / Arrrre you achin'... Pumbaa
: Yup, yup, yup. Timon
: Forrrr some bacon? Pumbaa
: Yup, yup, yup. Timon
: He's a big pig. Pumbaa
: Yup, yup. Timon
: You can be a big pig, too. Oy!
[Watching Simba and Nala
: I tell ya, Pumbaa, this stinks! Pumbaa
: Oh, sorry. Timon
: Not you, THEM! Him... Her... alone.
: Kid, what's eatin' ya? Timon
: Nothing, he's at the top of the food chain!
: The food chain!
] I can see what's happening. Pumbaa
: What? Timon
] And they don't have a clue. Pumbaa
: Who? Timon
] They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line: / Our trio's down to two. Pumbaa
: Oh. Timon
[sarcastic, with French accent
: The sweet caress of twilight.
[normal voice, but still sarcastic
: There's magic everywhere. / And with all this romantic atmosphere, / Disaster's in the aiiiiiiir!
: Repeat after me.
: Hakuna Matata. Young Simba
: What? Pumbaa
] Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries".
: [through a mouthful of grub and worms; to Simba
] You'll learn to love 'em!
: Have you guys seen Simba? Timon
: I thought he was with you. Nala
: He was but now I can't find him. Where is he?
[We hear Rafiki's laugh. He's sitting in a tree above them
] You won't find him here. The king... has returned. Nala
: I can't believe it. He's gone back! Timon
: Gone back? What do you mean?
[He looks to the tree. Rafiki has disappeared
: Hey! What's going on here? Who's the monkey? Nala
: Simba's gone back to challenge Scar. Timon
: Who? Nala
: Scar. Pumbaa
: Who's got a scar? Nala
: No, no, no. It's his uncle. Timon
: The monkey's his uncle? Nala
: No! Simba's gone back to challenge his uncle to take his place as king. Timon
: What exactly did he say? Timon
: [mimicking Rafikki
] Look beyond what you see.
: Good night. Timon
: Sleep tight. Pumbaa
: Dream of bedbugs tonight.
: [singing along to opening of "The Lion King"
] What's on the menu? It could be ceviche. It's stinky. Ooh it's Pumbaa. Pumbaa
: I gotta tell you, Timon, that song always gets me, right here. Timon
: Yes, Pumbaa. Well, enough of that.
[fast forwards film with his remote
: Uhh, Timon, what are you doing? Timon
: I'm fast forwarding to the part where we come in. Pumbaa
: But you can't go out of order. Timon
: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote. Pumbaa
: But everyone's gonna get confused.
[picks up his own remote and rewinds film
: We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. Timon
: [fast forwarding
] We're not *in* the beginning of the story. Pumbaa
] Yes we were, the whole time. Timon
: [fast forwarding
] Yeah, but they don't know that. Pumbaa
] Then, why don't we tell them our story?
[Film stops during the hyena attack; Timon and Pumbaa are spooked
: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story? Pumbaa
: Oh, I like the sound of that.
[Pumbaa, Timon, and Simba are all in a bubbling water hole
: Three pals and no worries, what more could you want?
[all sigh relaxingly
] Ah, I'm bushed.
[while getting out of water hole
: I think I'll turn in for the night.
: I'm out! Simba
: Right behind ya!
: How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey, right on cue. Pumbaa
: Well, you know what they say: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." Timon
: That's it. No more fortune-cookies for you!
[Timon and Pumbaa have found their dream home; Timon is talking to himself, Pumbaa is making a celebration supper
: The monkey was right! We found it! The perfect life! Pumbaa
: I'll just whip up a little something. Timon
: He had the perfect name for it, too. Pumbaa
: Come and get it! Timon
: [sits at a rock
] Such a wonderful phrase. It had this rhythm. Laduda Ladada. Pumbaa
: Try this - hot tuna frittata. Timon
: Hmm. No, that's not it. Pumbaa
: The spinach armada. Timon
: Quiet, Pumbaa. I'm trying to think. Pumbaa
: A spoon of ricotta. Timon
: Two words. Pumbaa
: A wormy piccata. Timon
: Six syllables. Pumbaa
: Kahuna colada. Timon
: Twelve letters. Pumbaa
: A blue enchilada. Timon
: Rhymes with... . Pumbaa
: Legumes on a platter. Timon
: Think, think, think. Pumbaa
: [poking a dish
] This oughta be hotta. Timon
: I forget. Pumbaa
: I gotta lambada!
[dances right into Timon
: HEY! How can you dance at a time like this? I'm DYIN' here!... . Ooh, sorry about that, pal. Pumbaa
: Hakuna Matata. Timon
: ....Come again? Pumbaa
: Hakuna Matata - It means "no worries". Ah-ohhhh... .
: It's as if you have some special power. Pumbaa
: Uh, special power? well, it's pretty powerful.
: So, that's your special power? Pumbaa
: You mean, you don't mind? Timon
: Are you kidding? It was a gas!
: Well, I don't like to toot my own horn. Timon
: Yeah, that's probably for the best.
: After a long day of doing nothing, it's good to kick back.
: Waaait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Pumbaa
: Uh, Timon? What are you doin'? Timon
: Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena... . would you do me the honor of becoming... . my bride? Shenzi
: I don't think so! Timon
: Shenzi Marie, please. I know what you're thinking: "We're too different." "It'll never work." "What will the children look like?" Shenzi
: Ooh, that violates so many laws of nature. Timon
: Listen to me! The problems of a couple of wacky kids like us don't amount to hill of termites in this nutty circle-of-life thing. And so I ask you: If not now, when? If not me, who? I'm lonely. Pumbaa
: Can I be your best man? Banzai
: I say we skip the wedding, and go straight to the buffet!
[during the hyena chase, the channel suddenly changes to a shopping channel
: What's going on here? Pumbaa, are you sitting on the remote? Pumbaa
: Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.
: Hey Pumbaa, what do you call a hyena with half a brain? Pumbaa
] Beats me, Timon. What? Timon
: Shall we run for our lives? Timon
: Oh yes, let's. Pumbaa
: [talking through a crowd of animals at Pride Rock
] I don't do so well in crowds.
: They say first impressions are very important. Timon
: Oh, I thought you were a "scream".
[from the movie
: Luau! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meet / Eat my buddy, Pumbaa, here 'cause he's a... .
[Timon pauses the movie
: Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Pumbaa
: Oh, okay.
[Timon pushes next on the remote and it goes to the part where the hyenas chase Timon and Pumbaa
: I'm Timon. Pumbaa
: Pumbaa. Timon
: No, really.
: Well, that worked like a dream. Pumbaa
: It did? Timon
: Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?
[At Simba's presentation ceremony
: Timon, look! Timon
: Hey-ey-ey, it's the monkey! Pumbaa
: What's that he's holding up? Timon
: Aw, who cares? It's not important.
: Who knows why fate led us to little Simba?
[images of Simba scaring Timon run throughout the scene
: Maybe it was my love of adventure, my innate courage, or my... . Okay! Who's in charge of the freeze-frames? Pumbaa
: Sorry. Timon
: Anywho... . Rescuing Simba was a cinch. Then came the real scary part:
: [about Simba
] He's gone? Whaddaya MEAN he's gone? Nala
: It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned.
[Timon and Pumbaa stare at her blankly
] You guys want me to go over it again? Timon
: Yes please, but be a dear and skip to the part about Simba. Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating! Nala
: OK. Look, Simba's the rightful king, but after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the king and formed an alliance with the hyenas... Pumbaa
] Poor Simba. The treachery, the villainy, the SURE INDESCRIBABLE HORROR! Timon
] Blah blah blah! WHY IS SHE TOYING WITH US? AAH! THIS CRAZY CHICK IS GONNA EAT US! Nala
: [continues to explain
] ... So Simba has to go back to challenge his uncle and reclaim his place as king!
[Silence; Nala doesn't get a reaction from Timon or Pumbaa
] Ohh... don't you get it? Simba NEEDS us! NOW!
[runs off into the jungle
: Pumbaa, we're trapped in a crate! Pumbaa
: Well, that's one way to say it, Timon. Another way would be to say, "We're contaminated in a receptical or wooden slacks."
: Gee, if there's one thing that makes an animal impossible to eat, it's the ability to speak. Timon
: Poppycock! Speedy the Snail
: Hold your horses now, kid. I can sing too.
] Speedy the Snail
: Shooby-dooby-doo! Timon
: Oh, crud! Now we definitely can't eat him!
: Uh, Timon? I just thought of something. What if someone else tries to eat him? Timon
: Like who? We're in a box! It's not like we're in France where snails are considered a delicacy. Culinary Quint
: [opens up the box
] Exclamacion! C'est le snail with the gumdrop eyes and a curly-cue shell! Tres delicious! Timon
: Oh, no-no-no-no-no! He is with us! Culinary Quint
: How dare you oppose moi, Culinary Quint, le most circular and roboscular, full-bodied shape in all of Toute-la-France! Pumbaa
: Where are we? Timon
: We're in France, where snails are considered a delicacy.
: Hey, look! It's Jerry Lewis! Culinary Quint
: Pshaw! Just because Culinary Quint is French doesn't mean he loves Jerry Lewis!
: Sharp objects!
: Hey, look! You're the Timonalisa!
: I want a snail! Raw! And by that, I mean uncooked, meaning still alive! Culinary Quint
: You want a snail raw? Uncooked? Still alive? Timon
: Yes. With cute little gumdrop eyes and a swirly, curly-cue shell. Pumbaa
: And his name is Speedy!
[Timon pounds Pumbaa in the coat
: Oww! Uh, I mean his name isn't Speedy!
[Timon kicks Pumbaa a few times
: I mean, I didn't say anything.
[Quint gives Timon an evil glare
] I am a human.
: Hey! You're the Pumbaa de Milo! Pumbaa
: This is no time for comedy, Pumbaa! Our bestest new pal, Speedy, is still in life-threatening danger!
[Being chased by lions
: What do we do now? Timon
: Remember our motto: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going!" Pumbaa
: Wait a minute, I thought our motto was "Hakuna Matata". Timon
: Pumbaa, stop living in the past. We need a new motto!
[Timon and Pumbaa are fighting
: What are you doing? Pumbaa
: Ahh! Timon
: Good question. Uh, let me ask you one. Pumbaa
: Hippothetically. Timon
: Very hypothetically. There's this guy... Pumbaa
: But he's not a lion... Timon
: No. No, he's not a lion. Yeesh, definitely not a lion... and uh... uh, his daughter, um, say... vanished?
: I thought you were gonna watch her Timon
: No, *you* were going to watch her. Pumbaa
: Watch this!
: Take that, you creepy warthog! Say it, fat! Fatty fat fat.
: I'm not *just* a princess, you know. That's only *half* of who I am! Pumbaa
: Oh, who's the other half? Young Kiara
: Umm... uhh...
: I want you to keep a close watch on Kiara. You know she's bound to run off. Timon
: No worries, Simba. We're on her like stink on a warthog. Pumbaa
: Hey! Timon
: It's the hard truth, Pumbaa. Live with it.
['How to Beat the High Costa Rica' Timon and Pumbaa are trapped by Criminal Quint
: He's gonna hurt us! Timon, ou gotta do something! Timon
] What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
[Timon curtly does the hula
] I don't think that would work on this kind of situation.
['How to Beat the High Costa Rica'] [last lines
: [suspiciously, about Timon paying for the stuff on the beach
] Are you sure you did the right thing and returned the money, Timon? Timon
: Of course I did, Pumbaa. That's why they gave me such a big reward. Pumbaa
] But this looks like exactly $1,290,000 worth of stuff. Timon
: Isn't it ironic? That was the exact amount of the reward!
[a police siren is heard
: Timon? Timon
: Yes? Pumbaa
: Can I sing the next song? Timon
: Sure! As long as you stand by me. Pumbaa
: [Pumbaa is struck by lightning
] Fair enough.
] I won't cry. Pumbaa
] You won't cry? Timon
: [spoken at first, then sung
] No! I won't shed a tear. Pumbaa
: Shed a tear? Timon
: Just as long - as you stand, stand by me.
['Guatemala Malarkey'] [last lines
: [as Pumbaa gets angry at Timon for not finding gold
] Pumbaa, there's just one thing that frightens me more than mummy beetles and curses. Pumbaa
] And what is that? Timon
: [loses it
] An angry warthog!
[Timon screams as the screen goes black
['Pain in Spain' at the bull stadium
: [confused at two Pumbaas
] Pumbaa, if you're Pumbaa, then what Pumbaa is that Pumbaa? Pumbaa
: El Toro!
[Timon and Pumbaa both scream as El Toro runs after them
: [Gets angry
] Pig? Timon
: Uh oh. Pumbaa
: Are you talking about me? Timon
: He called him a pig. Pumbaa
] Are you talking about me? Timon
: Shouldn't have done that. Pumbaa
] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? Timon
: Now you are in for it. Pumbaa
: THEY CALL ME... MISTER PIG!
[Pumbaa goes berserk and knocks the cheetahs into a tree