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Quotes for
Raphael (Character)
from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" (1987)

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2007) (VG)
Donatello: We're out!
Raphael: No thanks to Mikey.
Michaelangelo: Dude, that was so not my fault.
Leonardo: Um, yeah, it totally was.

Leonardo: Knock it off.
Raphael: I'm warning you.
Michaelangelo: You think we should go back?
Donatello: Do you want to get between them right now?
Michaelangelo: Good point.

Michaelangelo: Hey, it's Leo!
Donatello: Mikey!
Michaelangelo: Well, we were going to have to fight them eventually.
Raphael: Yeah, why wait?

Raphael: Gotta go. You know, crime to fight, butts to kick.

Shredder: It is time you turtles learned your place.
Raphael: Get'im, Leo.
Michaelangelo: Go for it, Raph.
Leonardo: He's all yours, Don.
Donatello: Take it away, Mikey.

Raphael: Have you seen the size of that thing?
Leonardo: Yeah, THAT is a billboard.
Raphael: No, I mean that elephant's huge.

Raphael: Sure it would be nice if everybody got along, and everything was pretty and all that crap. But the world ain't like that. Nightwatcher was beatin' the bad guys at their own game.

Leonardo: Maybe we should jump on the train.
Donatello: The smooth metal roof in conjunction with the likely wind factor suggests that...
Raphael: Remind me to teach you what a rhetorical question is, nerd brain.

Leonardo: The Nightwatcher had skills, that's for sure. But seriously, he was working alone and there were so many enemies against him. How long can a lone wolf last?
Raphael: I don't know how long a lone wolf like the Nightwatcher can last, Leo. But I know this, nobody ever beat that guy. Nobody.

Raphael: I say we get back up and knock on Winters' door.
Leonardo: And then what? Introduce ourselves?
Donatello: Guys, shh. Listen. I really think we have to pick up the pace, guys. This place is completely unstable.
Raphael: I kinda agree with gizmo boy.

Donatello: Not quite like jumping off rooftops.
Leonardo: Great exercise, this is.
Raphael: This is slowing us down!
Michaelangelo: This place would so make a great tourist attraction.

Leonardo: Hey, you did that on purpose!
Raphael: You're darn right I did.

Michaelangelo: Hey, Don, you think we're winning?
Raphael: Ah! Hey, you did that on purpose!
Leonardo: I did not.
Donatello: Hmm, I'd say that's a yes.

Michaelangelo: And that is why you never mess with a hungry turtle.
Raphael: Don't you mean angry?
Michaelangelo: No, dude, I'm really hungry.
Donatello: Wow, you are REALLY hungry.

Leonardo: I'm getting weird vibes about this place.
Raphael: What, like the roaches are gonna attack us? Ha ha ha ha.

Raphael: See what you made me do!

Leonardo: We worked together to find his cloak.
Raphael: Yeah, so?
Leonardo: And how did we defeat Shredder?
Raphael: By... by working together. The four of us.
Leonardo: Yes, precisely. We have to trust one another, Raph. It's the only way to go.

Michaelangelo: This looks like a job for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Raphael: Sheesh, Mikey, this ain't a cartoon.

General Mono: What you have heard here, Nightwatcher, will never leave this tower.
Michaelangelo: General Mono. Too cool.
Raphael: Yeah, cool. So cool he almost mashed the shell out of me.

Leonardo: Give it up, Nightwatcher. Your crime spree is finished.
Raphael: Crime spree. You take on gangs, you save peoples' lives, and your own brother calls you a criminal scumbag. That was it.

Donatello: [about the Nightwatcher] Subtle wasn't his thing.
Michaelangelo: Dude, no way.
Raphael: He was in the hot spots. That was no place for subtle.

Michaelangelo: Dude, this place rocks.
Raphael: Am I the only one who thinks this sucks?
Donatello, Michaelangelo, Leonardo: Yes!

Raphael: Your zoo theory is seriously starting to itch my shell.

Splinter: I hope you kicked their butts!
Raphael: Er, Sensai?
Splinter: Well, they *were* robbing a toy store.

Raphael: You know, two shells are better than one


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)
Raphael: Okay, we get you in, we find the Foot headquarters, we get you out to tell the others, right?
Keno: Gee, maybe I should write this down.
Raphael: What?
[skyward]
Raphael: I'm being punished aren't I?

Leonardo: Get it?
Donatello: Got it.
Raphael: Good.
Michaelangelo: I don't get it.

Raphael: This is stupid. We got the Foot up there with the ooze and we're down here playing Century 21.

Raphael: Amazing, guys, and I thought all the really good dungeons were in Europe.

Leonardo: Take the ugly one!
Raphael: No, you take the ugly one!
Donatello: I'll take the ugly one.
Michaelangelo: Which one's the ugly one?

[smoke bomb was set off]
Donatello: Oh great.
Leonardo: Terrific.
Raphael: Wonderful.
Michaelangelo: Bummer.

Michaelangelo: Hey, guys, check this!
[he uses brushes to imitate 'The Karate Kid']
Michaelangelo: Wax on, wax off. Wax on...
Raphael: Mouth OFF!
Donatello: Hey, everyone's a critic.

[Michaelangelo is crunching noisily on a candy bar]
Raphael: [sarcastically] Hey Mikey, do you think you could crunch a little louder? I can still hear out of this one!

Raphael: Boy, whatever happened to "service with a smile"?

Raphael: [to Tatsu] You know, if I had a face like yours, I'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality!

Leonardo: I'm Leonardo.
Michaelangelo: I'm Michaelangelo.
Donatello: Donatello.
Raphael: I'm Raphael!
Michaelangelo: All the good ones end in "O"!

[after Leo starts conversation about the Foot]
Raphael: We kicked their butts. They're all in jail. Besides, we took out the Shredder. So what's everyone so worried about, anyway?
Donatello: He's right.
Leonardo: No, Splinter took out the Shredder!
Donatello: They're both right.
Raphael: Yeah, yeah. I was there, Leo, remember? Ol' Shred did a swan dive, with a half gainer, right into the back of a garbage truck! AAAAAHHHH!

Professor Jordan Perry: Four walking, talking turtles.
Raphael: [sarcastically] Yeah, the guy's Ph.D material all right.

Michaelangelo: Um, not to criticize science or anything, but wouldn't it be easier just to call it 'the pink one'?
Professor Jordan Perry: [pours a liquid in a pan, and eats a piece of pizza] Pepperoni heaven!
Professor Jordan Perry: [pours two liquids in a pot] Donatello, continue aeration!
Donatello: Continuing aeration.
[begins to stir the mixture the pot]
Raphael: [sniffs the mixture] Man! This stuff is rank!
Keno: Yeah, try carrying it on the subway sometime. I never got a seat so fast in my life.
Leonardo: [sniffs the mixture] Blech! Thanks for doing all the shopping for us, Keno.
Keno: No problem. I hope you didn't mind me picking up a few pies.
Michaelangelo: You're forgiven.
[sniffs the mixture]
Michaelangelo: Whoa!
[drops a slice of pizza in the mixture]
Michaelangelo: [Donatello continues to mix the stuff with the pizza slice]

Raphael: First chance we get, we're out of here...
[gapes in horror has he sees Shredder from a distance]
Keno: What?
Raphael: Uh, I thought I just saw a ghost.

April O'Neil: He's just forcing you guys into fighting Tokka and Rahzar again.
Leonardo: We know.
April O'Neil: But...
Raphael: April, there's no other way.
April O'Neil: But you guys don't stand a chance.
Professor Jordan Perry: Wait! Wait just a moment. There might be a way!

[the turtles are watching April interview Professor Perry]
Raphael: Man, who is this spaz-matic?
Donatello: Would you give the guy a break? He's a scientist!
Raphael: Yeah, fascinating. Hey!
[picking up TV guide]
Raphael: Isn't Oprah on?
Leonardo: Raph, just leave it!
[throws away TV guide]
Leonardo: We're watching April.

[the turtles face Tokka and Rahzar for the first time]
Raphael: Well, you know what they say? The bigger they are...
[runs and jump-kicks Rahzar but rebounds and crashes to the floor]
Michaelangelo: ...The more bones they break.

Raphael: SHREDDER!
Donatello: Ah! Thanks, Raph, I may never have the hiccups again!

Donatello: Hey, is this gonna work?
[regarding the donut idea]
Michaelangelo: Is, like, Schwarzenegger hard to spell?
[Donatello prepares to spell but realizes its true]
Michaelangelo: Yeah.
[the turtles walk out into the middle of the construction site]
Donatello: Pretty quiet.
Raphael: [shouts and breaks the eerie silence] Shredder!
Donatello: [grabs Raphael] Thanks, Raph. I may never have the hiccups again!

[about to leave April's apartment, having seen Raph's foot pretruding from behind the changing curtain and becoming suspicious about their weapons "she" has lying around]
Keno: One last thing, though. I think you might want to know about THIS!
[slams his foot on Raph's]
Raphael: ARGH!
[Raph comes out from behind the curtain]
Keno: It's you guys!
[cluthching his foot and being held back by Donny, Leo, and Mikey]
Raphael: Ah, ah! Let me hurt him. Please! Tell me I can hurt him! Please, please! Grr!
[Splinter puts his hand on Keno's shoulder]
Splinter: I think you'd better sit down.
[Keno sees Splinter and faints]

Michaelangelo: I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michaelangelo: Man, I love being a turtle!
Raphael: Too bad the Shredder can't say the same thing.

Leonardo: Turtle-rific
Raphael: Max-a-mundo!
Donatello: Accapella!
Raphael: Huh?
Donatello: Uhhh... Perestroika?
Michaelangelo: Uhh...
Donatello: Ok, I got it... Frère Jacques. Starts singing: Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques...
Michaelangelo: Don... Give it up!

Leonardo: [the Turtles say their farewells to April before entering the sewers] See ya, April.
April O'Neil: Bye.
[Leo hops into the sewers]
Raphael: Wish us luck.
[Hops in]
Donatello: We'll be back for Splinter.
[Hops in]
Michaelangelo: [Imitating Humphrey Bogart] Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill o' beans in this crazy world, Elsa. That's why you're getting on that plane.
[April laughs]
Michaelangelo: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...
Leonardo: [Yanks Mikey into the sewer] Will you come on?
Michaelangelo: YEOW!


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
[sliding down a mountainslope]
Raphael: Hey Donnie, do that fancy slingshot thing! We're gonna take Little Miss Sunshine out!
Donatello: Batter up!
[with his staff, he swings Raphael into Karai's SUV]

Donatello: Surveillance are showing heavy, HEAVY Foot Clan activity.
Raphael: They've taken hostages, dude...
Leonardo: You know we're not supposed to go above ground!
Raphael: We've done this before. We started something, and we gotta finish it.
Michelangelo: [looking at a monitor] This is insane... that cat is playing Chopsticks with chopsticks!
Leonardo: Don't be an idiot!
[changes the monitor's channel, to Mikey's chagrin]
Leonardo: Okay... let's rock and roll, boys!

[after beating the Foot, the Turtles celebrate on a rooftop]
Raphael: That's what I'm talking about! This is OUR city! These are OUR streets!
Michelangelo: You mess with us, you steppin' to the Wu-TANG!
Raphael: Did you see that guy's jaw connect with the concrete?
Donatello: He'll be drinking out of a sippy cup for months!
Raphael: That's what I'm talking about! Like shadows in the night, completely unseen...
[April takes a picture]
Michelangelo: What was that?
Donatello: It's a camera flash...

Raphael: [to April in a menacing voice] Give me the camera.
Michelangelo: Oh look, he's doing his Batman voice...
[later on]
Raphael: I only saw Batman once!

[Raph picks up his brothers' weapons]
Raphael: Let's go save my brothers!

[from trailer]
Raphael: Drive!
Vernon Fenwick: You're a talking turtle...
Raphael: Yeah, and you're a human nerd. Now that we've got that out of the way, HIT IT!

[from trailer]
Raphael: [faces Shredder] Come on!
[gets thrown into a wall]

[April meets the Turtles for the first time]
April O'Neil: What are you?
Leonardo: Well, miss, we're ninjas.
Raphael: We're mutants!
Donatello: Technically, we're turtles.
Michelangelo: And we're teenagers. But we can have adult conversations.
April O'Neil: So, you're... Ninja Mutant Turtle Teenagers?
Donatello: When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!

[from trailer]
Raphael: [to Leo] Why are you always telling me what to do?
[punches out a Foot Ninja behind Leonardo]

[the Turtles surive a barrage of gunfire]
Raphael: We're bulletproof...
Leonardo: Sweet!

Raphael: Hey, Mikey, remember that thing you used to say when we were kids?
Michelangelo: You made me promise never to say it again...
Raphael: Forget about that! Still got one in the tank?
Michelangelo: I've been holding it in for years...
[the Turtles charge at the Shredder]
Michelangelo: COWABUNGA!

Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo: Shut up Mikey!

[the Turtles sneak back home]
Leonardo: [whispers] Fall in, QUIETLY.
[Michaelangelo slips]
Leonardo: Shhh! If Master Splinter catches us, he'll send us back to the Hashi.
Raphael: I ain't going back to the Hashi!
Leonardo: [shoves Raph] Every time we're in the Hashi, it's because of YOU!
Raphael: [shoves Leo] Well, bro, you don't have to worry about me dragging you down anymore!
Michelangelo: What's that supposed to mean?
Raphael: I'm going out on my own, first chance I get.
Michelangelo: How're we gonna finish our hip hop Christmas album, bro? You're the hype man!
[everyone starts shushing each other]
Raphael: [to Mikey] You spit in my eye!
Leonardo: Nobody's going out, we all stick together!
Michelangelo: [to Raph] Sorry I spat in your eye, bro.

Raphael: [knocks down the Shredder] Cowabunga.

Leonardo: I think this is it, guys!
[the Turtles and April start to plummet to the ground]
Leonardo: Does anyone have anything they wanna say? Donnie?
Donatello: I'm the one who eats the icing off the pop tarts in the morning and puts them back in the box!
Michelangelo: I so did not understand the ending of Lost!
Leonardo: Raph?
Raphael: I just... uh, uh... If this our last moment together, I just want you guys to know I'm sorry! I'm sorry I was so hard on you! Ugh. Everytime I pushed you I... I threatened you, I yelled at you, I pushed you beyond your limits, it's because I believe in you! I believe in each one of you! I believe in you spirit and your intelligence and your potential! And every time I talked about walking away it was because I was scared! I just didn't think I was good enough to stand next to you and call you brothers, and say to you, I love you! I love you guys so much!
Donatello: Raph... we made it. You crying?
Raphael: No, ding dong. It's just a little dusty out here.

[Michelangelo stares at April]
Michelangelo: [whispers] Oh, she's hot, I can feel my shell tightening...
Raphael: We can hear you!

[Splinter catches the Turtles sneaking in]
Splinter: Where have you been?
[knocks down Leonardo]
Raphael: We were working out!
[gets knocked down]
Donatello: I forgot to soak my retainer!
[gets knocked down]
Michelangelo: I'm totally sleepwalking! Mikey's sleeping, and walking, he's totally innocent!
[gets knocked down]

[the young Turtles play buck-buck, Raphael walks off]
Leonardo: Where're you going, Raph? I need all of you!
Raphael: It's stupid - like you, Mikey!

Michelangelo: Leo's in trouble!
Raphael: My shell's cracked... just duct tape it up...
Donatello: Allow me to be the badass for once!
[goes to save Leonardo]

Raphael: Ram the gate!
Vernon Fenwick: Ram the gate? This is Channel 6 property!
Raphael: I SAID RAM THE GATE!

Raphael: Looking for this?
[holds up April's phone]
April O'Neil: No no no, don't break that! Please!
Leonardo: [takes the phone out of Raph's hand] How many times do I have to tell you? We don't break things, we fix them. Donnie already wiped the pic, genius! Problem solved! Moving on!
Raphael: Who made you boss?
Leonardo: You know who did.
[both get in each others' faces]
Michelangelo: Oooh, tension. It's been like thirty whole minutes since you had this conversation.

[April stares at the Turtles]
Raphael: See, she's looking at us like we're freaks! I bet that's why you took our picture, wasn't it, to show to your friends?
Michelangelo: Bro, that's a good thing. Maybe she has hot friends!

Raphael: Let's do it for Sensei!


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
Splinter: [Leonardo meditates heavily] ... Leonardo.
Leonardo: Huh? Splinter!
Raphael: [inside playing a board game] "What Russian novel, embraces more than 500 characters, is set in the Napoleotic wars?"
Donatello: 'War and Peace'.
Leonardo: [bursting in] He's alive.
Raphael: [Leo walks right on the board game] Hey!
Donatello: Game smash.
Leonardo: Splinter's alive.
Donatello: We know, Leo, of course he is. We all think he's alive.
Leonardo: I don't *think*. I *know*.
Donatello: Huh?

[repeated line]
Raphael: Damn.

Raphael: [chasing Casey Jones] Come back here! I'm not finished with you! DAMN!

Raphael: A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me... you didn't pay money for this.

Thug: [of Raph] What the hell was that?
Thug: I - I don't know.
Casey Jones: [jumps down next to them] Now *that*, was a crime, you purse-grabbing pukes. And *this* is the penalty.
[knocks them over with his hockey stick]
Casey Jones: Two minutes for slashing...
[does it again]
Casey Jones: Two minutes for hooking...
[again]
Casey Jones: And let's not forget my personal favorite: two minutes for high sticking.
Raphael: [jumps in and knocks him down] How about a five-minute game misconduct for roughing, pal?
Casey Jones: Hey, Bogey... who died and made you referee? You did your job, now get out of here and let me do mine, all right? These JV low lifes need to be taught a lesson.
Raphael: Not like that they don't. Not from you.
Casey Jones: [turns to see the thugs running away, turns back] Well, it looks like you're the one who needs to be taught a lesson, pal.
[pulls out two ball bats]
Casey Jones: The class is Pain 101. Your instructor is Casey Jones.
Raphael: Look, I don't wanna fight you.
Casey Jones: Yeah, well, tough rocks, pal.

[last lines]
Leonardo: We were awesome!
Michaelangelo: Bodacious!
Raphael: Bitchin'!
Donatello: Uh...
Michaelangelo: Gnarly!
Leonardo: Radical!
Raphael: Totally tubular, dude!
Michaelangelo: Wicked!
Leonardo: Hellacious!
Donatello: Uh, mega...
[Splinter clears his throat, the Turtles clam up]
Splinter: I have always liked... Cowabunga.
Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Donatello: COWABUNGA!
Splinter: [laughs] I made a funny!

[after Raphael gets a mention from April on the news]
Donatello: I think he's blushing.
Raphael: I am NOT.
Donatello: I think he's actually turning red.
[Raphael chucks a Sai into the floor between Donatello's legs]
Donatello: Hmm, maybe not.

Casey Jones: [Raph's hat has come off, revealing his face] Hey, what are you, some sort of punker?
Raphael: Huh?
Casey Jones: [baiting] God, I hate punkers... Especially bald ones with green make-up who wear... masks over ugly faces.
Raphael: That's it.
Casey Jones: [as Raph lunges] Ooh.
Raphael: New batter!
[Raph swings at Casey with the bat & missed]
Casey Jones: Strike one!
[Raph swings again and misses]
Casey Jones: What a wiffer!
[Raph jumps over Casey & hits him with the bat]
Raphael: Home run! Raphael wins 1-nothing!
Casey Jones: New game, round head.
[reaches behind and grabs a Cricket bat]
Casey Jones: Cricket!
Raphael: Cricket? Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!
Casey Jones: I'll show ya!
[hits Raphael with the bat]

[the Turtles' weapons are aimed at Danny as he exits the closet]
Danny: Don't shoot!
Raphael: [his weapon is a Sai] I don't think it's loaded, kid.

Raphael: So what do we do now?
Leonardo: What do you mean, what do we do now?
Raphael: Splinter's out there somewhere.
Leonardo: I know Splinter's out there.
Michaelangelo: [guessing what's about to happen] Fight?
Donatello: Fight.
Michaelangelo: Kitchen?
Donatello: Kitchen.
Michaelangelo: Yeah.
[both Michaelangelo and Donatello leave]
Raphael: So what are we gonna do about it?
Leonardo: What CAN we do about it? April's our only link to these guys. We have to wait until she comes up with something.
Raphael: Oh, so that's the plan from the "great leader", huh? Just sit here on our butts!
Leonardo: I never said I was a great leader.
Raphael: Well you sure act like it sometimes.
Leonardo: Yeah? Well, you act like a JERK sometimes, you know that? And this attitude of yours isn't helping anything.
Raphael: Yeah? Well, maybe I'll just take my attitude and LEAVE!
Leonardo: Why don't you?
Raphael: I will.
Leonardo: Good!
Raphael: Great!
Leonardo: Go ahead! We don't need ya!
Michaelangelo: [listening from the kitchen] Pork rind?
Donatello: Pork rind.

Splinter: Yes, Oroku Saki, I know who you are. We met many years ago in the home of my master, Hamato Yoshi!
[Shredder removes his mask to reveal his bite wounds]
Raphael: It's him...
The Shredder: You... Now I will finish what I started with your EAR!
[charges at Splinter]

[Raphael has just seen the movie Critters]
Raphael: Ugh. Where do they come up with this stuff?

Michaelangelo: [imitating Rocky Balboa] Uh, yo well, uh, maybe I'll fight Apollo, uh, maybe I won't, you know. What do you think? Adrian.
[everyone laughs]
Michaelangelo: Okay, I got another one. Oh, this is totally cool.
Raphael: Oh no, not Cagney.
Michaelangelo: [imitating James Cagney] You dirty rat. You killed my brudda. You dirty rat. Oooh. Woo-hoo.
[everyone laughs]
April O'Neil: That must be Splinter's favorite.
[the turtles glare at her]
April O'Neil: It was a joke.
[they pause, then burst out laughing]

Raphael: You guys must be studying the uh, abridged book of Ninja fighting.
[fights off the Foot Soldiers with ease]
Raphael: I mean, come on, how do you guys expect to beat me?
[more and more Foot Soldiers arrive]
Raphael: Good answer. Good answer!

Raphael: I do hope there's more o' them.

Splinter: Raphael, come sit by me.
Raphael: Couldn't this wait 'til morning?
Splinter: You will listen, now. My Master Yoshi's first rule was "Possess the right thinking. Only then can one receive the gifts of strength, knowledge, and peace." I have tried to channel your anger, Raphael, but more remains. Anger clouds the mind. Turned inward, it is an unconquerable enemy. You are unique among your brothers, for you choose to face this enemy alone. But as you face it, do not forget them, and do not forget me. I am here, my son.

Leonardo: [sees that Raphael is awake and rushes to him] Raph! You're awake! How do you feel?
Raphael: What's a guy gotta do... to get some food around here?
Leonardo: [stands up, ecstatic, and runs to bathroom door] Hey! Hey, he's awake! He wants some food! Bring some food!
[runs back to Raphael]
Leonardo: You're gonna be ok Raph... you're gonna be ok!
Raphael: Yeah, yeah, alright Leo! Get a grip, will ya?
Leonardo: Listen, Raph...
[helps Raphael to his feet]
Leonardo: -about what I said before... y'know... about not needing you and all?
Raphael: Leo... don't.
[they hug]
Leonardo: Boy, we missed you.
Donatello: [he and April watch from the doorway] It's a Kodak moment.

Raphael: Where's Splinter?
The Shredder: Ah, the rat. So it has a name...
[remembering his order to kill Splinter]
The Shredder: It HAD a name.
Leonardo: [furiously pushes past the other turtles] You LIE!
The Shredder: Do I?
The Shredder: [Leo lunges at Shredder, who trips him up with his spear and pins him to the ground] He dies! Weapons!
[the turtles grasp their weapons]
The Shredder: NOW!
[Mike, Don and Raph chuck their weapons over the side of the building]
The Shredder: Fools. Ha, ha. The three of you may have overpowered me with the loss of but one! Now your fate... will be HIS!
Michaelangelo, Donatello, Raphael: NOOOO!

[April discovers a sai]
Raphael: [watching] Aw, man... damn!
[sneaks away]

Leonardo: We have had our first battle, Master Splinter! They were many, but we kicked... but we fought well.
Splinter: Were you seen?
Leonardo: Uh-uh.
Splinter: In this, you must never lapse. Even those who would be our allies, would not understand. Our domain is the shadow; stray from it reluctantly, for when you do, you must strike hard and fade away, without a trace.
Raphael: I lost a sai!
Splinter: Then, it is gone.
Raphael: But I can get it back! I can get it back...
Splinter: Raphael!... Let it go.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)
Rebecca Vincent: What are you?
Michelangelo: We're not really into labels.
Leonardo: Some call us freaks... monsters.
Raphael: Let's just say we're four brothers, who hate bullies and love this city.

Raphael: [leaps out of a garbage truck] Time to take out the trash!
[attacks the Foot]
Raphael: [leaps on a Foot bike] That's how I roll!
[knocks him off the cycle]
Raphael: That's how you roll!

Raphael: Pop quiz: What are the most important traits of a ninja?
Leonardo: Speed! Stealth!
Raphael: And honour. Where's the honour in keeping secrets from your brothers?
Leonardo: I don't know what you're talking about...
Raphael: Oh, so now you can add lying to that list!

Michelangelo: Halloween parade, bro! it's the one night of the year we can fit in...
[comes out and walks in the parade]
Michelangelo: Cool!
Raphael: Get back here!
[pulls him back into their sewer]
Raphael: What part of "move in the shadows" don't you understand?

[an unmutated turtle looks down at Raph as he kisses the ground]
Raphael: Well, uh, this is awkward.

Raphael: What would Vin Diesel do? No regrets, no fear.

Raphael: Every minute we stay down here, Shredder gets stronger and Mikey gets more annoying!
Donatello: We're training... sort of. As soon as the sun goes down, it's Turtle time!

Raphael: What are you, chicken?
Casey Jones: Who're you calling chicken, turtle?

Casey Jones: [spots Splinter in the lair] Guys, don't move! There is a giant rat back there!
Raphael: Yeah, we've seen him around here before. There's only one way to get rid of him: you have to take him down, hard! When you go at him you gotta go fast and you gotta go hard!
Michelangelo: We believe in you, Casey Jones! It's on you, bro!
[Casey charges at Splinter... who knocks him down]
Splinter: Giant rat: one, new guy: zero.
Raphael: [laughs] I can't believe it was that easy!

Krang: You know, I'm looking forward to enslaving you! A cage full of tortoises might be nice!
Raphael: We're turtles, not tortoises! There's a big difference!
Leonardo: Yeah, turtles bite!

Krang: [grabs Mikey] Come here, little turtle! Let me give you a hug, GOODBYE!
[puts Mikey in a bear hug]
Raphael: Nobody!
Leonardo: Messes!
Donatello: With Mikey!
[all three take down the Krang suit]

[last lines]
Rebecca Vincent: I think you should give people more credit. They'll accept you now.
Raphael: You're probably right... but I think we'll stick with the arrangement we had.
Leonardo: You ever need us, April knows where to find us.
Rebecca Vincent: Really? You could live a normal life, like the rest of us.
Raphael: Normal... what fun is that?

[the Turtles encounter a group of Foot Soldiers on board a plane]
Raphael: The good news is, you're wearing chutes...
Michelangelo: Chutes!
Raphael: The bad news is...!
[the Foot Soldiers are thrown out of the cargo door, each of their parachutes deploying as they fall]

Raphael: If there's even a chance that stuff can make us human...
Leonardo: We're turtles, whether you like it or not.
Raphael: It's not about what I like, it's about what people up there will accept!
Leonardo: True acceptance comes from within.
Raphael: Don't give me that fortune-cookie muck! You should have consulted with your brothers before you decide to do something like that!
Leonardo: I consulted with Donnie, and we both decided it was best...
Raphael: [shoves Leo] How about Mikey and me, don't we get a vote?
Leonardo: There's only one vote that counts in this team: MINE!

[the Turtles hide in the cargo hold of a plane]
Michelangelo: Isn't there supposed to be three stewardesses handing out warm towels and stuff?
Raphael: Not here, Mikey. Not for us.

[fighting on a plane after losing to Bebop and Rocksteady]
Michelangelo: You can't just push past me like that!
Raphael: You were being a nitwit! You were going to let it get by you!
Donatello: I had it right in my hand, you acted like I wasn't even there!
Leonardo: It is not my job to make your presence know, okay! Get your head out of your head and communicate!
Raphael: Well, what do you expect? He's all logic, no skill!
Michelangelo: [to Raph] Well, coming from the guy who's all instinct, no restraint...
Leonardo: [to Mikey] What do YOU know about anything! You're all heart, and no brains!
Donatello: [to Leo] How could you? You may know a lot about strategy ,but you know nothing about feelings!
Leonardo: [to everyone] Fair enough. Wanna know the one thing I *am* feeling? We may be brothers... but we are not a team.

[first lines]
[the Turtles train at the Chrysler building]
Leonardo: Okay guys, let's do this! Turtle formation!
[the Turtles dogpile each other]
Leonardo: What happened to Turtle formation?
Michelangelo: Turtle formation? I thought you said Squirrel formation!
Raphael: Why would he say Squirrel formation, you idiot?

Michelangelo: [on the purple ooze] It was the coolest thing I'd ever seen... It gave me hope, you know, that we don't have to be stuck down here for ever...
Raphael: So Leo told Donnie to keep it a secret, from US?


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)
Raphael: Here they are. The three stooges.
Donatello: Yeah, Larry, Curly, and Moe.

April O'Neill: I'm going to find an apartment. I have an idea we're going to be here for a long time.
Leonardo: An apartment?
Michaelangelo: Do they have apartments in Japan?
Raphael: Do I look like a real estate agent?
Leonardo: What about condos?

Casey Jones: Hey, guys! So, when do we get together and bust some skulls?
Leonardo: Hang on, Casey, you're not gonna be doing any head breaking this time, pal, sorry.
Casey Jones: What was that? You wanna run that by me again?
Raphael: We need someone to remain here to make sure the time bandit here doesn't get out of hand.
Casey Jones: Gotcha.

Raphael: Hey, Kid, you gotta control that temper. Did I say that?

[upon realizing they are being watched by a couple of Japanese Honor guards]
Donatello: Uh, ohayou, wasabi.
Raphael: Hello, mustard?
Donatello: OK, so my Japanese is a little rusty. Uh, Suzuki, Kawasaki...
Raphael: [knocks them out cold] How 'bout, uh, sayonara?

Raphael: Maybe this means the village people won't be afraid of us anymore.
[the villagers bow]
Donatello: Well, it's a start.

Raphael: I don't kiss on the first date, lady.
Leonardo: Raph! Give your mouth a rest!

Donatello: If we don't come back in two-and-a-half days, we're turtle soup.
Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael: Whoa!
Michaelangelo: Bummer.

Raphael: Did you hear what he called me, Leo?
Leonardo: Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
[casually walks away]
Raphael: That was an insult, Leo.
Donatello: Not necessarily, Raph. Did you know that in some countries dung is used as a fuel source?

Raphael: Ahh, nature. I *love* it. Makes me want to, I don't know, migrate or something.

Donatello: Turtles don't migrate, Raph. Birds do!
Raphael: Hey, I got a beak, don't I?

April O'Neill: You don't mean - you're not seriously suggesting that Donatello is going to make an incredibly arcane time travel machine, are you?
Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Donatello: No, of course not!
Michaelangelo: That'd be totally bogus.
Raphael: Really stupid!
Donatello: Well, that's a relief.
Donatello: [points over his shoulder] No, that guy's gonna make it.

Raphael: Fightin's for grown-ups, and that's only if you got no other choice.

Raphael: Son of a snapper!

[Walker enters melodramatically]
Raphael: Well, if it ain't the Phantom of the Opera.

Raphael: Hey, it?s wet-willy time.
Whit: Wet-wadum?

Raphael: We've been here for five minutes and we already lost one brother, the magic scepter.

Raphael: And no April.


TMNT (2007)
[last lines]
Raphael: Man, I love being a turtle!

Raphael: [Leonardo has knocked off the Nightwatcher's helmet, and reveals that the Nightwatcher is actually Raphael. Ralpael mule-kicks him away from him] You are SO smug, y'know that? You think the world revolves around you, don't ya; that we couldn't possibly survive without the mighty and powerful Leonardo to guide us through our problems, huh? Well, I've got a newsflash for ya: we got along just fine without you!
Leonardo: Oh, and THIS qualifies as "just fine?" Dressing up like it's Halloween every night? Risking the safety of our family? I mean, come on! What were you thinking?
Raphael: Don't push it, Leo. You can't leave home and come back expectin' us to fall in line again, like your little soldiers.
Leonardo: HEY, I was TRAINING. Training to be a better leader! For you! Why do you hate me for that?
Raphael: And whoever said I wanted to be led? I'm better off callin' my own shots now, get used to it!
Leonardo: YOU AREN'T READY. You're impatient, and hot-tempered, and more importantly...
[sternly]
Leonardo: I'm better than you.
Raphael: [laughs coldly] Oh, ya know something, big brother?
[pulls out his sais]
Raphael: I'd have to disagree with you on that one.
[he gets into a stance]
Leonardo: Don't do this, Raph.
Raphael: I'm done takin' orders.
[Leo draws his swords and the fight renews]

Raphael: OK, Leo, I'll bite. What're we doing up here?
Leonardo: I told Splinter I'd get this team in shape again.
Michelangelo: Hey, I've been training. Since you've left, my videogame scores have, like, doubled.
Leonardo: Right...

Michelangelo: [re: Nightwatcher] I hear his bike turns into a plane, or like a jet pack. Hey Don, you're so smart, why don't we have jet packs?
Donatello: Yeah, that's good, Mikey. I don't even trust you with a driver's license.
[to the others]
Donatello: Have you seen the way this guy drives?
Michelangelo: [they hear a monster roar] Woah... Ho Ho someone's craky!
Raphael: [to Leo] ok Jungle Boy, grab a vine

Leonardo: This Nightwatcher character has been going around like some vigilante showboat, but his days are over.
Raphael: Hey, the Nightwatcher was the only one around to pick up the slack while you were gone. Crime didn't take a break... YOU did.

Raphael: And I thought girl scouts were pushy.

Master Splinter: Raphael. Kneel!
Raphael: I did something... I did something really stupid, Master Splinter.
Master Splinter: Go on.
Raphael: I know why you chose him now. I know that there's a reason why he's the better son, and I'm not.
Master Splinter: Raphael, you always bear the world's problems on your shoulders. It is an admirable quality when you are a protector of others. But you must realize that while at times you might not be my favorite student, it does not mean that you are my least favorite son. You are strong, passionate, and loyal to your fault. These are the merits of a great leader as well, but only when tempered with compassion and humility.
Raphael: But Master Splinter, I messed up big tonight. I mean... big.
[Reveals Leo's broken swords]
Raphael: They took him.
Master Splinter: Leonardo...

Raphael: You're still here? Go back to your jungle.
Leonardo: At least his personality is still intact.

Leonardo: Hothead.
Raphael: Splinter Junior.

Raphael: We live together, we train together, we fight together, we stand for good together... we are ninjas. We strike hard, defend and protected and fade into the night and there ain't no bad guy or monster that gonna ever change that. That's what is important and that's why we will always be... brothers.

Raphael: Meet me on the roof.
Casey Jones: What is it?
Raphael: [pointing up] The roof! You know where the roof is, don't you?
Casey Jones: Pushy sidekick.

Master Splinter: Ah, good morning boys!
Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo: Good morning Sensei.
Raphael: Sup'.

Raphael: This night just keeps getting better.

Raphael: Why does everyone have such a hard time believing I am a good guy?

Raphael: [trying to catch a small monster] Look at you, ain't you cute! You want a butt-kicking, little fella? Yes, you do, you do! C'mon... I'm gonna drop-kick you to hurtey town, c'mon...
[is promptly bitten]

Raphael: [as April and Casey kiss] Typical. We do all the work, he gets all the thanks.

Raphael: [the Turtles are fighting Foot Soldiers and Raphael is running towards Donatello] Little help Don!
Donatello: I'm on it!
[Donatello grabs Raphael and throws him into several Foot Soldiers, who he quickly defeats]


Turtles Forever (2009) (TV)
Mirage Michelangelo: So, you're supposed to be us from other worlds... I don't see it.
Mirage Donatello: What's with the multi-coloured headbands?
Mirage Raphael: Heh, sellouts.
Raphael: Uh, well...
[points at the 87' Turtles]
Raphael: Check out the initialized belt buckles on these yahoos.
Michelangelo 1987, Donatello 1987, Raphael 1987: Hey!
Raphael: How lame can a turtle get, am I right?
[Mirage Raphael pins Raphael's arm behind his back and kicks him]
Raphael: OW! Geez, what a hardcase.
[the 88' Turtles grin at Raphael]
Raphael: What?
Michelangelo 1987, Donatello 1987, Raphael 1987, Leonardo 1987: Nothing.

[Bebop, Rocksteady and the robot Foot Soldiers charge the turtles]
Leonardo: Uh... so, how do you guys normally handle these situations?
Leonardo 1987, Michelangelo 1987, Donatello 1987, Raphael 1987: Turtle Power!
[Rush off to battle]
Michelangelo: Don't ya just love these guys? Cowabunga!
Leonardo 1987, Michelangelo 1987, Donatello 1987, Raphael 1987: Cowabunga!
Raphael: Geez, it's like having five Mikey's now!

Leonardo: Hun mentioned the one "true" Shredder.
Raphael: And you know what that means.
Michelangelo: Our little alien Utrom is back.
Raphael 1987: Utrom Shredder? Sounds swedish!
[the 87' Turtles all laugh]
Michelangelo: Stop it, stop it, stop it! Can't you guys be serious about anything?
Leonardo 1987: They're right, this is serious. I say we head to our lair, pick up our anti-Technodrome gear and go put it to good use. But first, we've got to save April!

Donatello 1987: Okay guys, here's everything we'll need to take down the Technodrome. Exploding throwing stars, Anti-Technodrome roller skates, SPF 1000 sunblock.
Raphael 1987: And I've got the pizzas! We're good to go!
Leonardo: ...You're joking, right?
Raphael: We came all the way to "Wacky World" for this junk?

Leonardo: You don't understand. The Utrom Shredder isn't like your Shredder. He's vicious.
Donatello: Lethal.
Michelangelo: Competent!
Raphael: We go in, no saying if we come out.
[the 87' Turtles nervously look at each other]
Leonardo 1987: Let's do this.
Leonardo: Today, we're more then allies. We're brothers.
Leonardo 1987, Michelangelo 1987, Donatello 1987, Raphael 1987: Go green machine!
Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael: It's ninja time!
Leonardo 1987, Michelangelo 1987, Donatello 1987, Raphael 1987: Turtle Power!
Raphael: Grr, annoying power.
Leonardo 1987, Michelangelo 1987, Donatello 1987, Raphael 1987: Hey!
Raphael: Move it, half-shell!
Michelangelo 1987: Quit shoving!

Michelangelo: Time to hit the sewers, my brothers!
Donatello 1987: [87' Michelangelo tries to lift up a manhole cover, struggling] These things are a lot heavier in your dimension!
Raphael: Out of the way, tubby. Alright, everybody into the pool.
Donatello 1987: Whew, your sewers really stink!
Donatello: Umm, you don't have any nostrils.
Donatello 1987: Touché.
Michelangelo 1987: Hey, what about the Technodrome?
Raphael: That crate moves about as fast as you guys. We'll catch up to it.

Donatello: You were right... uh... Donatello. Tracking the recent weird seismic activity has lead us straight to the...
[Notices the Technodrome]
Donatello: ... Technodrome!
Raphael: A giant golfball on wheels? That's your Shredder's ultimate weapon?

Michelangelo: Come on, Raph. Lighten up. Our cowabunga cousins aren't so bad. Right, guys?
1988 Leonardo, 1988 Michelangelo, 1988 Donatello, 1988 Raphael: [Tackling Michelangelo] Wet Willie!
Michelangelo: You got me!
[laughs]
Raphael: Not bad? They're clowns, not ninjas!
1988 Leonardo, 1988 Michelangelo, 1988 Donatello, 1988 Raphael: Oh yeah?
Raphael: Yeah!
Splinter: Enough! Stop this bickering! You only do your enemy's work for him. You are ninja, all of you. And, all are welcome here. Do not embarrass your sensei.
1988 Donatello: He may not look exactly like our Splinter, but he sure sounds like him.
Raphael: Yeah, uh, sorry about the 'clown' crack.

Casey Jones: So... I still don't get it. Which Shredder is back? Doing what? To who?
1988 Michelangelo: All I know is we wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for your stupid Shredder.
Raphael: OUR Shredder? YOUR Shredder started this whole "stupid mess" with his stupid Technodrome in the stupid first place!
1988 Raphael: Yeah, but your Shredder's like totally psycho-evil.
1988 Donatello: Ours is just decaf.
1988 Leonardo: Yeah. He won't keep you up at night.
Casey Jones: ...Your doubles ain't exactly playing with a full deck, are they?
Michelangelo: And they're really annoying.
Casey Jones: Gotcha. Up to speed now.

Raphael: You plan on doing us in, there's gotta be an easier way!
The Shredder: Oh, you shall perish, but not yet. You see, like you, I recently learned that ours is but a single dimension in a multiverse of dimensions. Intrigued, I used this very portal to survey them all. Which is when I made a startling, horrible discovery. There are not simple eight of you, but SCORES OF YOU! Behold, a multiverse of accursed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
[the Portal displays large images of multiple Turtle dimensions]
1988 Leonardo, 1988 Michelangelo, 1988 Donatello, 1988 Raphael: AWESOME!
The Shredder: Destroying the eight of you would accomplish nothing! So long as ninja turtles exist somewhere in the multiverse, they will interfere in the plans of The Shredder. Our epic battle is never going to end unless I put an end to turtles... FOREVER!
Splinter: Even a creature as power-mad as you, cannot believe he has the ability to subvert the entire multiverse!
The Shredder: Let us put that to a test, vermin! It seems like branches hanging off a single tree, each of these dimensions sprang from a common source. Destroy the source, and you would set off a chain reaction that would destroy ninja turtles everywhere, forever more! And so, you are being scanned. Broken down, for the sole purpose of discovering your "source" DNA. Two turtle teams from two turtle worlds. Different in so many ways, but deep down there are similarities. And those similarities will point the path to the source dimension: Turtle Prime!

[Watching the 1988 turtles save April in their dimension]
Raphael: Was that a mutant... banana?
Michelangelo: This dimension is seriously messes up!

Raphael: So what's with the new look gruesome?
Hun: That mutagen turned me into the last thing I touched! MUTANT TURTLE FLITH!
1988 Raphael: [Breaks fourth wall] That's not true, we shower regulary
[Hun gets confused and yells]

Hun: You're going to pay for what you've done to me!
1988 Raphael: [breaks the fourth wall] Some people just can't handle change.
[shrugs to the camera]
1988 Raphael: [Hun glares and squints in the direction that 1988 Raph is talking to]
Hun: [picks up 1988 Raph and begins to violently shake him] Why do you keep doing that? Who are you talking to? There's no one there!

Mirage Donatello: I'm gonna miss those wannabes.
Mirage Michelangelo: Yeah, I kinda dug the initials on the belt buckles.
Mirage Raphael: [scoff] You would. I could go for a slice though.
Mirage Leonardo: There's that place on Bleeker.

Karai: Your unreasoning hatred of the turtles had blinded you to the truth, father. Your actions could destroy us all!
Donatello: Karai's right! Whatever you're doing, you've already wiped out our entire world!
The Shredder: Fool! I care nothing for the universe I left behind! I will not stop until...
[Mirage Raphael dropkicks The Shredder off the building]
Mirage Raphael: Less talk, more action.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Trans-Dimensional Turtles (#4.10)" (2016)
Raphael: The world is so flat, I can't even see my own butt! Donnie, explanation?

Raphael: Talk! Who sent ya? The Triceratons?
80s Raphael: Get offa me, ya crack-shelled impostor!

[the two Raphaels fight the Kraang]
80s Leonardo: Get the portal back!
Leonardo: We only have 5 minutes to disarm two more bombs!
80s Raphael: Leave this to the real Raphael!
Raphael: You gonna shoot another fire hydrant at them, or what?
[80s Raphael shoves a pizza in the face of a Kraang. Nick Raphael jumps in and dismantles the Kraang's exosuit]
Raphael: [to 80s Raphael] Where the heck did you get pizza?
80s Raphael: Give me a break.

80s Donatello: I'm trying to tell you, this isn't a weapon! It's a portal projector!
Donatello: Oh yeah? Well how do we know you're not a Kraang?
80s Leonardo: That's why we brought you here. Krang! He's causing trouble in our dimension, and yours too!
80s Michelangelo: Krang's like trying to destroy both our realities, dudes! We just don't know how. You've gotta believe us!
80s Raphael: That's why we called on you posers, I mean "turtles", for help. Did I say posers? Oops.
Raphael: Posers? You guys don't even fight with your weapons! And what's up with the intials on your belts? Lame!

[Stopping the 80s Turtles from running into open populated streets]
Michelangelo: You can't do that, dudes!
80s Leonardo: Why not?
Raphael: Because we live in secret here. We have to live in the shadows, like, you know, real ninjas!

[the 1980s Turtle see the 2012 Turtle Lair]
Raphael: [in hand signals] Will you fine gentlemen kindly wait here? And please remain silent, or I will strike you repeatedly in the face and bodily regions.

[1980s Raphael slices Kraang's head in half]
Raphael: [impressed] Nice move, Raphael!

80s Michelangelo: [in 3D New York] Dudes, look at us! We're like, more solid or something!
80s Leonardo: What's going on, Donatello?
80s Donatello: Well, we came from a 2-dimensional reality into a 3rd dimension. It's like science fiction!
80s Raphael: Hey, guys, now that we're in a new dimension...
80s Michelangelo: PIZZA TIME! Far out!

80s Raphael: I think I'm gonna like putting some more cracks in this imposter's shell and you, gappy... why do you sound so weird?
Donatello: Me sound weird? Heard yourself lately?

Donatello: We checked out the weapon. This is bad, guys! This is really bad!
80s Donatello: The weapon is linked to two other identical bombs. And they're rigged to go off in 9 minutes!
80s Raphael: So where are the others?
Donatello: We believe at least one of the other bombs is in your dimension!
80s Michelangelo: They're gonna nuke our world, bros. Totally bogus!

80s Raphael: Well, that wasn't such a chore now, was it?

[the Turtles end up in the Technodrome]
80s Raphael: Oh, no! And I was having such a good day!
[everyone glares at him]
80s Raphael: ...Okay, not really.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Rise of the Turtles: Part 1 (#1.1)" (2012)
Donatello: I think he's delusional.
Michelangelo: Just... just come on. I'm telling you, the big guy was a robot. And he had a freaky-weird alien brain thing in his chest you gotta believe me!
Raphael: I'm not sure we do.
Michelangelo: Oh, yeah? Well you'll change your tune when you see that he's...
[looks down empty alleyway]
Michelangelo: ... gone?

Splinter: And so your inability to work together allowed them all to get away.
Raphael: Well, maybe if I didn't have to waste time arguing with hero boy, I could've saved them.
Leonardo: Hey, if you hadn't gotten in my way, I could have done it, and you went flying off on your own. How smart was that?
Donatello: Well, it would've worked out great if somebody hadn't hit me in the head with their nunchucks.
Michelangelo: Well none of this would've happened if somebody hadn't trusted us to go up there in the first place.
[Splinter stops]
Michelangelo: [sheepish] Oh geez. Sensei, I didn't mean to...
Splinter: No, Michelangelo, you are right.
Michelangelo: I am?
Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello: He is?
Splinter: You were not fully prepared for what was up there. I trained you to fight as individuals, not as a team, and as your teacher - your father - the responsibility for that is mine. Perhaps in another year, we can try again.
Donatello: Another year? We don't have another year!

Splinter: Yes, you must save her.
Leonardo: I agree, Sensei but in that fight, we weren't exactly a well-oiled machine.
Michelangelo: Like that robot with the brain thingy.
Raphael: Give it a rest.
Splinter: Hmm. If you are to fight more effectively as a unit, you are going to need a leader.
Leonardo: Can I be the leader?
Raphael: Why should you be the leader? I kicked your butt. I should be the leader.
Donatello: Hey, I'm smarter than all you guys put together it should be me.
Michelangelo: I think it should be me.
[all stop to look at Mikey]
Michelangelo: I don't really have a reason I just think it would be neat.

Michelangelo: Explain to me one more time what we're doing here.
Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello: [All groan]
Leonardo: Mikey, we've been over this. That building has the same logo as the van that was used to kidnap the family so if we wait long enough, one the kidnappers will eventually show his face and when he does, we'll make him tell us where they took them.
Michelangelo: And then we got ourselves a van!
Leonardo: Just hit the guy I tell you to.
Michelangelo: will do!
Raphael: Are you sure this is gonna to work?
Leonardo: Trust me. They'll be here any second.
Michelangelo: Oh
Michelangelo: [chuckling]
Michelangelo: [snoring]
Michelangelo: [yells]
Michelangelo: Okay, I'm thinking of something green. Ga-reen. Ga-reen.
Donatello: Is it Raphael again.
Michelangelo: Man, you're good at this!

Raphael: Give it up already. The guy's not gonna show.
Leonardo: We have to be patient.
Raphael: No, you have to come up with a better plan, 'cause the four of us standing there with our thumbs up our noises...
Michelangelo: I don't think they'd fit...
Raphael: ...is pointless.
Leonardo: [Van parks on the corner] You sure about that, Raph?
Raphael: He showed up, didn't he? I should've complained two hours ago.
Leonardo: Gentlemen, I have a bold and daring plan. There's no time for hesitation. My orders must be carried out without question.
[Turtles run off leaving Leo alone]
Leonardo: Guys? Guys, wait up!

Donatello: Yeah, look at it logically. There four of us and one of you. What are you going to do?
Donatello: Yow
Raphael: whoa.
Raphael: You have to ask!
Raphael: He's getting away again!
Leonardo: No, he's not
Raphael: whoa!
[grunts]
Raphael: [screams] Ugh.
Leonardo: Now we're getting somewhere.

Raphael: All right, Donnie. Put down the staff and no one gets hurt.
Donatello: Uh, you said that last time, Raph, then you hurt me.
Raphael: Yeah, But less than I would have.
Donatello: Yeah, right.
Donatello: [Raphael attacks Donatello]
Donatello: Wah! Ah! Should've dropped the staff?
Raphael: Should've dropped the staff.

Donatello: [about April] She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
Raphael: Isn't she the only girl you've ever seen?
Donatello: My point still stands.

Raphael: [to Snake] Okay we can do this the easy way or, my vote, the hard way.
Donatello: Yeah, look at it logically. There are four of us and one of you. What are you gonna do?
[Snake starts shooting with a gun]
Raphael: [to Donatello] You had to ask!

Splinter: You all did very well.
Raphael: But I did better.
Splinter: This is about self improvement, Raphael. Not about winning or losing.
Raphael: I know Sensei, but I won and they lost.
[Splinter pinches Raph on his pressure point]
Raphael: [in pain] Wh-what's really important is that we all did our best! Great job, everyone!

Michelangelo: Are you talking to your pet turtle?
Raphael: No! Shut up!
Michelangelo: That's adorable!
[Raph chases Mikey]
Michelangelo: Ah!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtle Tracks (#1.1)" (1987)
Michaelangelo: Pizza time!
Raphael: Who had the pepperoni and ice cream?
Donatello: I, I want some of the jelly beans and mushrooms.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, give me a slice of anchovies and peanut butter.
April O'Neil: How can you eat that junk?

Raphael: [wearing a trench coat and a fedora pulled low] Hey, who's lookin' at you, kid?

April O'Neil: [sees the turtles for the first time] You're... you're not humans!
Raphael: Bingo. You got that right.

April O'Neil: Do you guys ever think of anything besides pizza?
Raphael: Not unless we have to.

Donatello: [a piece of paper with a sword through it is hurled at the turtles' table] What is it, Raphael? Some kind of threatening note?
Raphael: Worse than that, it's the check!

Raphael: Okay, April, where you hiding?
Leonardo: Hey, it's April's wallet.
Raphael: And over there.
Donatello: April's press pass.
Raphael: Yeah, I'd know that wad of used chewing gum anywhere.
Michaelangelo: Uh, you get the feeling April's in trouble?
Donatello: Well, either that, or she's got a big hole in her purse.
[they discover it on a landing]
Donatello: April's purse. Come on.

Raphael: We're dealing with a real mind here.

Raphael: [fights with a foot ninja and stabs it in the chest with a metallic clang] Clang? Did you say clang?
Leonardo: [fights with a foot ninja and slices it's chest open revealing gears and wires inside it's body] Check those dudes out!
Donatello: Dudes not, they're robots!
Michaelangelo: Robots?
[throws off his disguise]
Michaelangelo: Let's rock!
[leaps in the air and attacks them with his nunchucks]

Donatello: [the basement is flooded with water causing April and the turtles to get caught in it] Got to get to safety, we'll drown!... Hey, what are we worrying about? We're turtles!
Raphael: [points at April] Yeah, but she's not!
[dives under water to save her]
April O'Neil: [coughs up water] Ah, I owe you one!
April O'Neil: [as they run up the stairs to out run the water] I don't know if I can take much more of this!
Raphael: Hey look on the bright side, at least it's not raining!

Raphael: April, why would people make themselves look weirder than they already?
April O'Neil: I have no idea, Michelangelo.
Raphael: I'm Raphael!
April O'Neil: Oh, sorry.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) (VG)
Splinter: Raphael: rowdy bruiser with a flash-bang temper. The muscles of the family.
Raphael: You got a problem with that?

Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo: TURTLE POWER!

Raphael: [sparring with Leonardo] Time for some super-sized knuckle sandwich, bro!
Leonardo: [kicks him] Sorry, Raph, there's only SOLE on the menu tonight!
Splinter: Again! I want you both to begin again - concentrating less on your atrocious puns this time!

Raphael: Is it just me, or has the freak factor in this city been cranked up to eleven all of a sudden?

Bebop: Dis ain't over yet, punks. You green dweebs are gonna regret the day you laid eyes on ol' Bebop, I guarantee it!
Raphael: Ugly as you are, Pork-Rind, I'm already regretting it. Now get outta here!

[the Turtles try to board a subway]
Purple Dragon: Yo, where d'you think you're going, huh? Got a news flash for you, froggies: this here train's members only, and you vigilante creeps ain't members!
Donatello: Frogs? Really?
Raphael: Yeah, guess brains ain't one of the membership requirements...
[fight starts]

Leonardo: There's the next pizza shop.
Raphael: I don't see none of the freak-show troublemakers anywhere...
Leonardo: Yeah, I think we're early for once.
Rocksteady: Think again!

[after fighting Rocksteady]
Michelangelo: Crud, that dude was mean!
Raphael: Not mean enough!

[after fighting Leatherhead]
Michelangelo: Who the heck was that guy and who put the bug up his butt?
Donatello: Us, apparently. You heard him, he thinks we're traitors because we fight other mutants.
Raphael: Only the knucklehead ones. That lizard's got problems, if you ask me.
Leonardo: Unfortunately, it looks like those problems are now ours, too...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: I Think His Name Is Baxter Stockman (#1.5)" (2012)
Raphael: Ugh, I can't believe we're stuck down here for a whole week!
Donatello: Guys, guys! You wanna see what I made?
Raphael: This is how bored I am: Yes Donnie. I do.

Leonardo: Halt, villain!
Raphael: "Halt, villain?" When did we start talking like that?
Leonardo: We're heroes. That's how heroes talk.

Donatello: [sees Baxter Stockman] Who the heck is that guy?"
Raphael: I don't know, but he needs a beatdown!
Leonardo: Hold on, Raph. We don't know that he's gonna do anything wrong. He's probably on his way to... church?
Raphael: Wearing powered battle armor? What kind of church is that?
Michelangelo: A really awesome one!
Leonardo: Ugh... look, it's my call! I decide who gets a beatdown!
[Baxter tries to break into a building]
Leonardo: That guy needs a beatdown.

Raphael: You're really gonna plug a advanced piece of military technology directly into Mikey's head? What if it melts his brain?
Donatello: It won't. And even if it did, who'd know the difference?

Raphael: I think his name is Baxter Stockman.

Michelangelo: Excuse me, Sensei, but ninjas never had to go up against guys in armor.
[sees a painting]
Michelangelo: Oh, I mean ninjas always had to go up against guys in armor.
Raphael: Nice save.
Leonardo: Sensei, what was their secret?
Splinter: They understood that you do not fight the armor. You fight the man inside.

Baxter Stockman: So... We'll call it a tie?
Leonardo: Wanna call it a tie, Raph?
Raphael: Not yet.
[throws Stockman into a dumpster]
Raphael: NOW it's a tie!

Leonardo: We just want the T-Pod!
Baxter Stockman: Give up my source of power? Why would I do that? So you can laugh at me again, throw me in a Dumpster?
Raphael: Sounds good to me.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A Thing About Rats (#1.3)" (1987)
Donatello: [Reading the label on the foot of a broken mouser] What kind of idiot puts his name on a death machine?
Raphael: An idiot with an ego problem?

Michaelangelo: You know what I saw? It was this humungous brain. It had a mouth and eyes and it talked to me!
Raphael: A talking brain, huh?
Michaelangelo: Yeah. Weird, huh?
Raphael: Michaelangelo, I do believe you've finally had one pizza too many.

Michaelangelo: April sure was mad.
Donatello: Ah well, you know women.
Raphael: No, we don't. She's the first one we ever met.

Raphael: Gee Michaelangelo, I didn't know you could drive.
Michaelangelo: Well, I can't. Cowabunga!

Donatello: [throws a garbage can over a foot ninja] Time to take out the garbage!
Michaelangelo: [ties some of the foot ninjas up with a chain] You're no match for Michaelangelo master of the manriki gusari!
[laughs]
Raphael: And you're no match for Raphael master of the manhole cover!
[hits the ninja with the cover causing it to fall into the sewer]
Raphael: [laughs] What a sucker!

Michaelangelo: [interrogating Baxter Stockman] Do you want to clue us in on what this is?
[shows him a remote]
Baxter Stockman: It's the remote control for my Mousers.
Leonardo: Do you have anymore of these "Mousers"?
Baxter Stockman: No but the Shredder has, hundreds of them!
Leonardo: Where is the Shredder now?
Baxter Stockman: I'll never talk!
Raphael: You'd better or else I'm gonna get... sarcastic!
[smiles and holds his Sai to his face]
Baxter Stockman: He's in an old mansion on Green Street near Kent, he's got a master control for all the Mousers there!
[breathes a sigh of relief]
Raphael: See, nothing beats cunning wit!

Leonardo: [Raphael steps on a pipe which breaks under his weight causing him to fall] Raphael!
Raphael: [hanging on to some pipes] Somebody toss me a rope!
[a pipe sprays water in his face]
Raphael: They aren't paying me enough to take this kind of abuse

Raphael: [knocks on April's door and she answers in a bathrobe] Could we interest you in a subscription to "Turtles Home Companion"?
April O'Neil: Oh no! What are you guys doing here? How did you get here? Did anyone see you come in?
Raphael: Is there a special order you want those questions answered in?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtle Temper (#1.3)" (2012)
Splinter: Not only did Raphael alert the Kraang, but you got caught on VIDEO!
Raphael: Sensei, he was the angriest, nastiest guy you ever met!
Michelangelo: Except for you!
[Raph wallops Mikey]
Raphael: You should have heard the insults this guy was throwing at us! They were so... insulting!
Splinter: Oh, I did not realize he said mean things. Of course, you had no choice but to jeopardize your mission!
Michelangelo: Burn...

[Splinter sets up Raph to be surrounded by his brothers, who point arrows at him]
Splinter: Evade the arrows!
Raphael: No problem!
[does so with no problem]
Splinter: Again! Only this time... Leonardo, Donatello and Michelangelo, insult Raphael.
Donatello: Wait. Insult... HIM?
Splinter: Yes.
Donatello: And he can't fight back?
Splinter: No.
Donatello: [grins at Leo] I'm feeling good about this plan.
[this time, Raph is peppered with arrows]

Raphael: Who does Leo think he is? So what if I got a temper? I'm still the best fighter we got - in fact if anything, my anger makes me a better fighter! You understand me, don't you, Spike? Chew on your leaf if you understand me.
[Spike chews on leaf]
Raphael: Yeah, I thought so.
Splinter: [enters] I understand you, too.
Raphael: Seriously, you gotta knock or something!
Splinter: Raphael, let me tell you a story.
Raphael: Sensei, I'm not really in the mood for a story.
Splinter: Spike, chew on your leaf if you are in the mood for a story.
[Spike chews on leaf]
Splinter: Very well. When I was a young man, I fell in love with a woman...
Raphael: [gets up from his chair] Oh, is it that late already?
Splinter: SIT!... Her name was Tang Shen. And I was not the only man who loved her. There was another competing for her attention: Oroku Saki.
Raphael: Shredder...
Splinter: One day, he insulted me in front of her. He called me many things. I felt I could not let those insults go unanswered. I lost my temper. And over time, our rivalry festered into hatred. Until Shredder sought to finish me off... and I lost my beloved Tang Shen.
Raphael: But... but it wasn't your fault. Shredder insulted you... you had no choice!
Splinter: No choice? I could have chosen to ignore him. I could have chosen to let his words wash over me like a river over stone. But I let him anger me. It was I who made his words into weapons... That's the choice I made. What choice will YOU make?

[sees Vic's mutated form for the first time]
Raphael: Wow, I didn't think this guy couldn't get any uglier!

Vic: Which one of you slimy green ham shanks busted my satellite dish?
Raphael: HAM SHANKS?
Donatello: I don't know what that means.
Raphael: Me neither... but I don't like it!
[goes for Vic]

Vic: That's some kung fu, frog!
Raphael: We're not kung fu frogs... we're ninja turtles!

Raphael: Like a river over stone...
[blocks out Vic's taunts]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Enter: The Shredder (#1.2)" (1987)
Raphael: [referring to one of Rocksteady and Bebop] Didn't I see you in "The Jungle Book"?

Shredder: Your hairy little friend knows me as Oroku Saki, but you may call me... The Shredder.
Raphael: A kitchen utensil?
Shredder: You would be wise to lose your flippant ways if you wish to join the honorable Foot Clan.
Leonardo: Why should we want to do that?
Shredder: Because it was I who made you what you are today. If not for me, Hamato Yoshi would never have left Japan. I followed him to this country, where I gained my advanced technology, including my rare experimental mutagen. It was I who caused you to mutate into your humanoid form. You owe everything to me! Don't deny your destiny. Join me.
Raphael: Does the phrase "go suck a lemon" hold any meaning to you?

Leonardo: You know, that was almost too easy.
Raphael: I really wish you'd stop saying things like that.
Rocksteady: Rrrr! Say your prayers, turtles!
[Starts blasting away at the turtles]

April O'Neil: Okay guys, where's the action?
Raphael: Afraid you missed all the good stuff.
April O'Neil: Ugh, well, that's just great.
Michaelangelo: Of course you could get a shot of those 2 bozos
[Points at the imprisoned Bebop and Rocksteady]
Rocksteady: [Growls] Get back here and fight, you little web-footed creeps!
April O'Neil: Oh, wow!
Rocksteady: Ooh, you little bimbo! I'll make you eat that camera!

Raphael: We're going to need sonar to find this geek.
Michaelangelo: Relax Raphael, we've got Splinter leading us now.
Donatello: Yeah, Splinter'll find him, just like sniffing out a rat... er, weasel!

Michaelangelo: [as they climb tunnel walls] Donatello, you sure this is getting us anywhere?
Donatello: Of course - every tunnel leads somewhere.
Raphael: You picked a heck of a time to become a philosopher.

Leonardo: It's gotta be a trap.
Raphael: I hate it when he says that.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan (2016) (VG)
Raphael: I am NOT in the mood for games!

Michelangelo: So guys, if Bebop is trying to break into the safe, does that make this a... piggy bank?
Raphael: [annoyed] Leo, can you talk to this guy?
Leonardo: Guess he's trying to bring home the bacon, huh?
Donatello: Please, not you too Leo...

Raphael: And that little piggy ran, wah wah wah, all the way home!

Raphael: [on Wingnut] For a moment, I was worried we were gonna have to deal with extraterrestrial intelligence!
Leonardo: Just be careful, Raph, the crazy ones are usually the most dangerous ones.
Raphael: I'll say.
Michelangelo: ...what are you looking at me for?

[the Turtles encounter Rocksteady in the underground metro]
Michelangelo: That's it, I'm never taking the subway ever again!
Donatello: I think the odds of running into a rhino during your daily commute are negligible, Mikey.
Raphael: What daily commute? He just sits on the couch and plays video games all day!
Leonardo: [to Raph] You know, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

[Bebop appears to help Rocksteady fight the Turtles]
Raphael: I knew it! Whenever old horn-head shows up, pig-brain is never far behind!
Michelangelo: He probably got on the wrong train, like 12 times or something.
Leonardo: Do I need to bring up glass houses again, Mikey?
Michelangelo: Hey, that only happened once!... This year... So far.

Leonardo: Looks like the Foot and Krang are planning a full-scale war.
Raphael: Yo, that's fine by me! They want a war, we'll give 'em a war!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fallen Angel (#1.8)" (2003)
Leonardo: When are these dragon dudes gonna learn?
Michelangelo: Green beats purple every time!
Raphael: They'll all be black and blue by the time I'm done with them!

Raphael: You really wanna look like a Purple Dragon? Try getting your butt kicked by a Ninja Turtle!
Michelangelo: I'm down with that!

Purple Dragon Member: Hey! It's one a' them Kung-Fu lizards!
Hun: Oh, no...
Raphael: TURTLES! Tur-tles! Don't any a' you lamebrains know a turtle when ya see one?
Leonardo: Uh, Raf, I think the biology lesson's the least of our problems right now...

Leonardo: Geeze, I can barely move in this stuff! What is the deal with humans and clothes?
Raphael: Ya ever see a human in their skivies? Trust me, it ain't a pretty sight!

[last lines]
Michelangelo: Yo Case, hows about introducing grandma to your friends?
Raphael: Forget it Mikey, we're ninjas. We stick to the shadows.
Leonardo: The unsung heroes of the urban jungle.
Donatello: The silent protectors of the way of Bushido.
Michelangelo: What kinda pie do you think it was?
[gets slapped on the head]
Michelangelo: OW! What?

Leonardo: [about a Purple Dragon] Now class, who can tell me what he did wrong?
Raphael: You mean besides being a badly-dressed, law-breaking, good-for-nothin', low-life street punk?

Raphael: [hearing Hun] Lousy punks... I got your most hated enemy right here!
[pulls out his sais]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Big Cufflink Caper! (#4.47)" (1990)
Raphael: After all we just went through, how can you even look at a pizza?
Michaelangelo: I don't want to look at it, I just want to eat it.

Donatello: But why steal cufflinks? It's mind-boggling. It's baffling. It's...
Raphael: Incredibly stupid!

Leonardo: We're going to have to improvise.
Raphael: Improvise? Against those goons? Is there a script doctor in the house?

Shredder: You wretched reptiles! How dare you trick me by giving me the explosive cufflink!
Leonardo: *Trick* him by giving him the explosive cufflink?
Raphael: You know, I think ol' Shred has finally flipped his chrome-plated lid.

Michaelangelo: I know! They want...Cufflinks.
Raphael: Can we pretend we've never met?

Donatello: Hey, we've never worn these.
Raphael: And let's keep it that way.

Raphael: After all we just went through, how can you even look at a pizza?
Michaelangelo: I don't want to look at it. I just want to eat it.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tale of the Yokai (#3.20)" (2015)
Raphael: Is Renet ever gonna find us and bring us home? Seriously, I hate time travel!

Raphael: Now's our chance, we can change the future! We can take Shredder down!
Donatello: No, we can't mess with time, worse stuff could happen!

Donatello: Casey's picture is fading away, like we never knew him! Time is already being altered!
Michelangelo: It's just like that movie! We're doomed, dudes! DOOMED!
Raphael: Calm down, man! We just got to make sure Tang Shen doesn't like Oroku Saki!
Leonardo: We have to convince her he's the evil jerk we all know and hate, so history stays on course!

Master Yuuta: Some legends say when the yokai arrive, tragedy is sure to follow.
Michelangelo: Dude, these yokai sound like trouble.
Raphael: He's talking about us, genius!

Leonardo: You can't leave Hamato Yoshi, he's a good man! Oroku Saki is evil!
Tang Shen: No. Saki is a good man.
Donatello: If you choose Oroku Saki, the world itself could be at risk! Take it from us, the Kappa Brothers!
Tang Shen: Yoshi is too dedicated to ninjustsu to raise a family...
Michelangelo: That's not true, Splinter loves little Miwa! She's so cute!
Tang Shen: I don't know who I'll choose. I must do what's right for my daughter.
Raphael: Follow your heart, Shen! You know who the better man is!

Leonardo: We yokai will steal all of your souls, through your butt!
[the frightened ninjas flee]
Raphael: Steal all of your souls through your butt?
Leonardo: That's an actual ancient legend!


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Battle Nexus (2004) (VG)
Raphael: I'm the only chance you got.

Raphael: I'm an ace with throwing stars too.

Raphael: I've been dying of boredom.

Raphael: Let's bust this all up.

Raphael: Take a ride off this baby.

Raphael: What? Success already? That was too easy.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Wrath of Tiger Claw (#2.19)" (2014)
Raphael: Casey? Casey? Casey, answer me! Something's wrong, Mikey, what're we gonna do?
Michelangelo: I know exactly what to do! We use our phones to triangulate the position of Casey's T-Phone by bouncing the locator signal off the satellite.
Raphael: That's... actually a good idea. It's like we're in some kind of alternate universe, or something.
Michelangelo: You can also track pizza delivery guys that way. Booyah-kasha.

Raphael: What world do you live in, that it's OK to bring the Princess of the Foot Clan to our secret lair?
Leonardo: What happened to Casey?
Raphael: Tiger Claw threw him off a building. And you just brought his partner in crime home for dinner!

Splinter: [to Karai] You are who you choose to be. Not what others make you.
Raphael: Some of us choose to be right all the time.
Leonardo: Will you just GO!

Raphael: Well, Princess? You got us into this. Where to?
Karai: I... I don't know.
Michelangelo: EVERYONE STOP! I know exactly where to go!
Donatello: I feel scared...

Karai: The Shredder lied to me, I didn't know!
Raphael: [pulls out his weapons] Did you know that I'm about to stick these sais up your...

Donatello: He's still brooding.
Raphael: He's thinking about her. About Karai.
Leonardo: Master Splinter is her father. How could she still want to be with the Shredder?
Michelangelo: You have to have faith, Leo. Her entire relationship would be a lie. It would change everything she knows. The truth will set her free. Just give her the time she needs to accept who she is!
Donatello: Right... Look, Leo, she'll come around.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A Foot Too Big (#3.2)" (2014)
Raphael: Oh, you guys are rustier than the Titanic's butt!
Donatello: No, we're no...
[runs into a tree]

Donatello: Ugh! This is so uncomfortable! Bigfoot follows me around everywhere like a love-struck puppy.
Raphael: Now you know how April feels.

Raphael: [training his brothers] We're not in the city anymore! You need to get used to this new environment: no buildings, no subways...
[sends Mikey into a tree]
Raphael: LOTS of trees!
Michelangelo: [groans] Tell me about it.

Raphael: You guys are gonna head into the forest! I'll give you a five-minute headstart, then I hunt you down! If you can't stay hidden for at least an hour, you'll have to... clean out the chicken coop!
Donatello: No way!
Michelangelo: Not the chicken coop, man!
Donatello: It smells like cheese fossils!
Michelangelo: It's got spiders so big they're playing a banjo!
[imagines a giant spider strumming a banjo]
Donatello: We can't clean that thing!
Raphael: Then get moving!

[Donnie and Mikey run into Raph]
Raphael: Come on, you're not even trying to hide!
Donatello, Michelangelo: BIGFOOT!
Raphael: Yeah, right! If you think you're going to get out of cleaning that coop by...
[sees Bigfoot]
Raphael: [shocked, then grins] Looks like we're gonna get some REAL training!

Raphael: It's never gonna happen, Donnie. We're mutants! She's a girl, you're a giant talking turtle! The sooner you can get used to it, the better!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Gauntlet (#1.9)" (2012)
April O'Neil: I am being hunted... by a giant pigeon!
[Raphael bursts into laughter... but stops when no one else does]
Raphael: I can't be the only one who's finds that funny.
Donatello: It's not funny Raph, there's a creature out there trying to hurt my April!... OUR April... April.

Leonardo: Donnie, hack into the system and see what you can find about the Kraang's plot. Raph, you're with me. Mikey, you stay with Donnie.
Donatello: Why do I always get stuck with Mikey?
Michelangelo: Hey!
Leonardo: I don't want him. And I'm in charge!
Michelangelo: Hey!
Donatello: Well, then, make Raph take Mikey!
Raphael: Over my dead body.
Michelangelo: You know, I'm starting to think nobody wants to be with me. Fine! I'll just go off on my own.

April O'Neil: [about the pigeon] He would have torn me into pieces... if he hadn't slammed into the glass.
[Raphael laughs]
Raphael: Really, just me?

Leonardo: All right, Mighty Mutants, let's do this!
Raphael: Mighty Mutants? What, Dancing Dorks was already taken?

April O'Neil: Here I am, walking around in the big city, all alone! Oh, I sure hope some pigeon man doesn't come out and attack me! That would be the last thing I would want!
Donatello: What are you doing?
April O'Neil: You wanted me to be bait, I'm bait!
Donatello: That's not how bait talks!
April O'Neil: How do you know how bait talks?
Donatello: I know bait doesn't talk BACK!
Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo: Awwww...
Michelangelo: Oh no you didn't!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Same as It Never Was (#3.21)" (2005)
Raphael: What the shell are you doing here?
Leonardo: Raph? April's guys didn't say about you being here.
Raphael: Oh, what's the matter, Leo? I remind you how you made us abandon Master Splinter, when he needed us most?
Leonardo: It's what he wanted Raph, to save us! If we all had gone back there we would've all been destroyed!
Raphael: We could've saved him!
Leonardo: You know we couldn't! He was gone!
[Raph shoves Leo, and the two start to fight]

Raphael: Donnie? No way!
Leonardo: Donatello! You're back! I don't believe it!
Michelangelo: Believe it!

Michelangelo: Brainiac here wants to go up against the Shredder.
Leonardo: We've already tried it, Donny. How do you think we lost Casey?
Raphael: The Shredder's palace is surrounded by an army of Foot police.
Leonardo: And Utrominators.
Raphael: And Karai Legions.
Leonardo: We can't even get inside to fight him.
Baxter Stockman: And if you could you couldn't beat him. The Shredder's new exo-suit is stronger than ever. I should know, I designed it.
Leonardo: It's impossible.
Raphael: Can't be done, Donny. It's hopeless.
Donatello: I don't know what happened to you guys, but the Turtles I knew believed that nothing was ever hopeless. Please. We can do this.
Leonardo: All right, Donny, we'll do it one more time. But please, tell me we have a fighting chance.

Karai: I beg you Leonardo, leave this place. Or you will force me of which my duty commands.
Leonardo: Not this time Karai. This time you have to make a choice. Once and for all!
[defeats Karai and prepares to kill her]
Leonardo: I'm sorry, Karai. But I never wanted it to be this way.
[Karai strikes Leo and kills him]
Karai: Forgive me, Leonardo.
Raphael: LEO! NOOO!

[last words]
Raphael: [crawls towards Leonardo's body] Leo... Leo.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: New Friend, Old Enemy (#1.4)" (2012)
Michelangelo: [cat on his shell] Anyone wanna help me with this?
Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello: NO.

Michelangelo: Whoa, that rad! Oh, I wish me and Chris Bradford were friends!
[laughing]
April O'Neil: Mikey, you already have a human friend. Me!
Michelangelo: April, you don't count. We saved your life, you have to like us.
Raphael: [sarcastic] Too bad there's no place for freaks to meet people where no can see how hideous they are.
April O'Neil: Wait, there is... the internet! Donnie, can I see your laptop?
April O'Neil: Uh, y - uh, sure! Just a sec.

Cat Owner: Mittens!
Donatello: I think that's the owner.
Donatello: What're you doing?
Raphael: Whoa, Hey.
Leonardo: Mikey, wait!
Michelangelo: What? I'm returning Mittens to her owner.
Raphael: Are you an idiot? Wait, let me rephrase that: You are an idiot!
Donatello: You can't show show yourself to a human!
Michelangelo: Why not?
Donatello: Because they'll freak the heck out, that why not!
Michelangelo: No they won't, I'm not so scary!
Raphael: You're an ugly green mutant, armed with ninja weapons!

Raphael: Face it, humans will never understand you. Heck, we don't even understand you!
Michelangelo: [sighs] yeah.
[gasp]
Michelangelo: But I bet that guy would!
Leonardo: Chris Bradford. The martial arts superstar with a chain of dojos across the country. He's your soulmate?
Michelangelo: We've got so much in common.
[poses like Bradford]
Donatello: what if you stop standing like that?
Michelangelo: We'll have a little less in common, but still a lot! And look, he's in town for martial arts expo. Maybe he'll show me his secret kata, the Death Dragon and I'll show him my secret kata, the Secret Kata!
Donatello: Catchy
Michelangelo: check it out.
[shouting]
Michelangelo: [Whoopz] But don't tell anyone you saw it
Leonardo: No problem
Raphael: Face it, Mikey, Chris Bradford is the last person on earth that you would be his friends with you. Well, tried for last, with everyone else on earth.

[last lines]
Raphael: How ya doing, Mikey?
Michelangelo: [sighs] This was all my fault, I should have never thought I could be friends with a human.
Raphael: Don't be so hard on yourself.
Michelangelo: So it's not my fault?
Raphael: Of course it's your fault!
[pause]
Raphael: If you tell the others, I'll beat the green off you, but... you're an awesome guy.
Michelangelo: Bradford didn't think so.
Raphael: Well, he's a psychotic killing machine. You deserve way better friends than that.
Michelangelo: You know what? You're right. Thanks, Raph!
Raphael: Anytime.
[leaves]
Michelangelo: [at the computer] "Unfriend." Hahaha! Revenge!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Way of Invisibility (#1.7)" (2003)
[first lines]
Raphael: Ever see one of those old movies where the private eye wakes up after being knocked out cold? He always says the same thing: "Uh... where am I?" Okay, so it's not exactly original, but it's true, I have no idea where I am. Is this an operating room? Torture chamber? TV game show? Last thing I remember, I was bapping a bunch of street thugs with Casey...

Raphael: You didn't come all the way down here for the nickel tour. What's the 4-1-1 streetside?
Casey Jones: Graffiti. It's everywhere, all over town.
Michelangelo: And I think I speak for everyone in the room when I say, DUH!
Donatello: We're New Yorkers, Casey. We've seen graffiti before.
Casey Jones: Uh-uh, not this kind.
[Casey holds up a picture of a spear skewering four turtles]
Casey Jones: I think someone's trying to send you a message.

Raphael: [to Hun] Nice tat! Purple dragon... or just some big ugly chicken?

Hun: We've been over this again and again, freak. I'm only gonna ask you this one more time: Who do you work for? How long have you been on this planet? What is the level of your technology?
Raphael: Planet? Technology? Boy, you are barking up the wrong shell.
Hun: ANSWER ME!
Raphael: Come to think of it, who do YOU work for? I mean, you look way too dumb to be in charge of all this.
Hun: [holds a buzzsaw to Raph's face] Your choice: you can talk, or you can let your DNA do the talking for you. Now is there something you want to tell me?
Raphael: Just this...
[knocks out Hun]
Raphael: Sweet dreams, lard butt!

Hun: [examines Raph's sais] This is some nice steel. How about you tell me who gave them to you?
Raphael: Yo momma!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Good, the Bad and Casey Jones (#2.8)" (2014)
Raphael: I thought I had my anger under control. Turns out, I didn't. But now, I do. Seriously!
Michelangelo: He means 'for now'. I'll give him ten more seconds... Nine... Eight... Sevan...
Leonardo: What are you saying, Raph? It's not that you ARE angry, but we MAKE you angry?
Raphael: I never said that!
Michelangelo: Three... Two... One...
Raphael: SHUT UP!
Michelangelo: Bing bing bing! We have a winner!

Raphael: You're the one who did this!
Casey Jones: They were following you too, dude!
Raphael: Don't 'dude' me, dude!

Raphael: You're a pretty good fighter, Jones. Sure, you're raw, unfocused, CRAZY... But not bad.
Casey Jones: You're not too bad yourself... For an amphibian.

Casey Jones: Another mutant?
Raphael: You got a problem with that?
Casey Jones: Wait, what are you, like, some kinda turtle ninja?

[Raph viciously injures Leo in a sparring session]
Raphael: I... I didn't mean to hurt him! It was an accident! Seriously!
Leonardo: [dazed] Did you guys get the number of that bus?
Splinter: We have spoken about this time and again, Raphael. Anger is a dangerous ally. It clouds your judgment. You need to control it, lest it controls you.
Raphael: But Sensei, I wasn't angry! I was just... determined to win!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredded & Splintered (#1.5)" (1987)
Raphael: How do you work this oversized ghettoblaster?

Raphael: Now we can relax, catch some boob-tube, and forget about all of that weirdness we went through.
Splinter: For now, but I fear we have not seen the last of the Shredder or Krang.
Donatello: You're worrying too much master.
Michelangelo: Yeah, I bet we never even hear as much as a peep out of them again.
TV Announcer: Stay tuned for tonight's Sci-Fi Chiller thriller killer Movie. It's a real classic, "The Evil Brain From Dimension X."

[Shredder points a mutation reversal ray at the Turtles]
Michaelangelo: Whuh-oh! It's that retro-muto-thingamabob!
Donatello: He's gonna use it to turn us back into ordinary turtles!
Raphael: Well, gang, looks like it's back to the ol' pet shop for us!
Shredder: Far from it. Tonight, I dine on turtle soup!

Leonardo: I think they're starting to tire.
Raphael: Great. In a few more hours, they'll barely be able to throw a car at us.
Michaelangelo: So, like, why don't we throw some trucks at them?

Donatello: [takes a break from working on a machine to call his brothers on the turtle com] Hey guys uh, how's it going?
Raphael: [answers in a strained voice as he's being chocked by a foot ninja] We're a little busy right now Donatello!
Donatello: Okay I'll call back later
Raphael: [angrily] Do that!
[punches the foot ninja]
Raphael: Out of my face jerk!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Sky Turtles (#3.5)" (1989)
Raphael: Great! More falling on our heads!

[Michaelangelo learns he's overweight]
Michaelangelo: Me a lardo? No way, dude.
Leonardo: Read it and weep, Michaelangelo.
Raphael: How can he? His stomach's in the way.

Splinter: Well Donatello how is the repair work on the satellite dish progressing?
Donatello: All finished master and it's as good as new
April O'Neil: Donatello you're wonderful, the dish is repaired and the city is saved!
[kisses him]
Raphael: [annoyed] Hey, hey, hey we had something to do with it too you know!
[April leans over to kiss him and Leonardo]
Michaelangelo: [interrupting her] Gang way dudes hot pizzas coming through!
April O'Neil: Are those for the victory celebration?
Michaelangelo: Heck no they're for me!
[starts to eat them]
Splinter: [scolding him] Michaelangelo what about your diet?
Michaelangelo: Master I spent the entire day being lighter than air, it was a total bummer!
[continues eating]

Donatello: [after Raphael and Michaelangelo burn their feet in lava trying to catch Shredder] You should be happy fellas, Shredder escaped but at least we saved the city
Raphael: [sarcastically] Oh yeah we're dancing in the streets!
[clutches his foot in pain]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Meet Casey Jones (#1.4)" (2003)
Raphael: [Opening lines] I guess you could call it fate, but I have finally met somebody as angry as I am and he was really making me mad. My name is Raphael, and the bozo in the hockey mask is about to find out just how angry I can be.

Splinter: Ah, my son. So angry. Rage is a monster that will destroy you from within. Raphael, a true warrior finds balance in all things.
Raphael: Master Splinter. I... I... I... gotta... gotta get some air.

[the Turtles attempt sneaking out of the lair to stop Casey, but are caught by Master Splinter]
Splinter: Ahem.
Michelangelo: Busted!
Splinter: How many times have I told you not to sneak up to the surface?
Michelangelo: This month?
Donatello: 512, actually.
Splinter: It is dangerous for you to go about openly in the world above. You cannot simply walk amongst the humans. They will not accept who and what you are. It is as the great sage and warrior Kenji Hashimura once said, "Why walk when you can ride?"
Raphael: Come again?

[Leo, Mikey, and Don arrive in the Battle Shell to back up Casey and Raph]
Casey Jones: Friends of yours?
Raphael: Brothers, actually.
Casey Jones: I can see the family resemblance.
Michelangelo: I'm the pretty one!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Dinosaur Seen in Sewers! (#3.24)" (2015)
Leonardo: [Referring to Zog] And the part where he calls you "Commander Zoraph" and does everything you say?
Raphael: Hey, I saw a chance to have an attack dino, and I took it!

Raphael: If some dino alien is living in my sewers and beating up my friends, then I'm gonna return the favor!

Raphael: He's on our side!
Leonardo: And you trust him?
Raphael: We bonded over a mutual love of destruction!

Raphael: What exactly are you doing with that bomb-looking thing?
Zog: It's not a bomb, it's a signal beacon...
Raphael: Phew!
Zog: ...to signal the Triceratan Empire's armada to come and wipe out this Kraang-infested planet!
Raphael: WHAT?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: It Came from the Depths (#1.12)" (2012)
Guy On Tv: It was like part man, part reptile, and all monster! It came outta nowhere and attacked me!
[Leo and Donnie stare at Raph]
Raphael: It wasn't me!

Donatello: You let that maniac lose? Maybe you forgot that he grabbed me by the face, Mikey! So I'll remind you. He grabbed me, BY THE FACE!
Raphael: Relax, you've been hurt worse ever since.

Leonardo: If an alligator wanted to hide something, where would he put it?
Donatello: I'm thinking udnerwater. Alligators love to drag their prey to the bottom of swa...
[Raphael pushes Donatello into a sewer pool]
Leonardo: Thanks.
Raphael: Don't mention it.
Donatello: Hey, this pool is deeper than it looks! It keeps going!
Leonardo: Well, sounds like we should...
[Raphael pushes Leonardo in too]
Raphael: Way ahead of you!

[after swimming in a booby-trapped lair]
Raphael: Sometimes, it's good to be a turtle.
[nearly gets his head cut off]
Raphael: And sometimes, it's good to be a SHORT turtle.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Nano (#1.5)" (2003)
Raphael: Leo, tell me you have a Plan C. I'm reeeally hoping you've got a Plan C... Uh fellas, Plan C? NOW?

April O'Neil: [to Casey] You aren't going anywhere, mister. You wait right here till I get some more bandages.
Raphael: You wouldn't be milking this boo-boo thing, wouldja Case?
Casey Jones: Hey, show a little concern, shell-for-brains.
Raphael: [winks and nudges Casey] You owe us one, pal.
Casey Jones: Definitely.
[winces in pain]
Casey Jones: Ow!

[the Nanobot is crushed into a square cube]
Raphael: Yowch, looks like that did it.
Michelangelo: Yeah, he's flat broke.
[the Nanobot begins rebuilding itself]
Michelangelo: You know, I'm gonna stop with the puns. Seriously, they always come back to bite you!

Michelangelo: You know... I feel kinda bad for the little bot.
Raphael: Little?
Michelangelo: You know, he was kinda like a little kid.
Donatello: Too bad he had such a rotten parent.


Half-Shell Heroes: Blast to the Past (2015) (TV)
Raphael: DINO DOO-DOO? MIKEY!

Raphael: Does anyone have a Plan B? Or, C, D, or any plan with letter?
Donatello: We can't stop a T-Rex with sticks and blades!
Raphael: Well, we can run!
Leonardo: I just said that! RUUNNN!

[an injured pterodactyl screams in pain and fear at Raph]
Raphael: Whoa, girl! Easy! I can't stand to see you suffer, even if you were going to eat me or feed me to your babies or whatever... Easy now! Don't bite me! It's okay.

[last lines]
[the Turtles and Bebop and Rocksteady appear in the future]
Leonardo: [sees a giant statue of Shredder] You gotta be kidding me!
Raphael: A giant statue of Shredder in the future can't be a good thing!
Donatello: So, how about we check the place out, just for ten minutes or so?
[Raph grins and spins his sais]
Bebop: [thumbs up] Woohoo!
Rocksteady: Da! Da!
Leonardo: [resigned] Not again...
[everyone charges]
Michelangelo: BOOYAKASHA!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Shredder Strikes Back: Part 1 (#1.17)" (2003)
Raphael: [watching football on TV] Panthers, Rams, Bears. They even got Dolphins. Think they'd have room for something a little more... reptilian.
Donatello: The Turtles? My friend, unfortunately the lowly turtle has been saddled by society with a stereotype of being velocity challenged.
[pause]
Raphael: Say what?
Michelangelo: [steps in front of the TV] May I have your attention please!
[lets out a long belch]
Raphael, Donatello: Cool.
[applaud for Mikey]
April O'Neil: Ewww!
Splinter: [to April] This is what I live with ALL THE TIME.

April O'Neil: Hey, what's burning?
Raphael: Mikey's cooking.

Michelangelo: Scrambled's okay with everybody, right?
Raphael, Donatello, Splinter, April O'Neil: AGAIN?

Michelangelo: Oh man, I slept on my hand, and it got numb and hit my face and I thought somebody slapped me. Don't ya hate that?
[pause]
Raphael: Words fail me.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Slash and Destroy (#2.7)" (2013)
Slash: They never understood ya... Not like me.
Raphael: It can't be... Spike?

Raphael: You look AWESOME, Spike!
Slash: Heh... Never liked the name 'Spike'. Call me... Slash.

Raphael: Sorry, Slash. My brothers come first, no matter what.

Donatello: Ugh... What hit me? It was like Raph, only... bigger and meaner... angrier, but... not quite as ugly.
Raphael: It was Spike! He got into the mutagen...
Donatello: Spike? Way to keep that mutagen safe, Raph.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Great Boldini (#3.38)" (1989)
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: [confronting April and the turtles] Hold it right there you wretched blarney devils!
Raphael: [confused] Wretched what?
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: I knew you'd return to the scene of the crime, I'm arresting the lot of ya, Miss O'Neil I only hope you're here against your will, you're too pretty a lass to mixed up with the likes of these
April O'Neil: Sergeant you've got to believe me the turtles did not steal the tortellini emerald, if you let them go they'll capture the ones who did
Leonardo: Sergeant give us an hour, if we can't catch those crooks we'll turn ourselves in
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: If Lt. Brodsky knew I let you get away again he'd... you've got one hour!
April O'Neil: Thanks Sargent
[kisses him, O'Tharity then blushes]

Donatello: [as the turtles and April are apprehended by the police to search them] Is this going to be a strip search?
Raphael: I hope not this is a family show!

Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: Come quietly, my green lads.
[stares at the turtles shocked]
Michaelangelo: What's the matter, dude? Haven't you seen four foot tall turtles before?
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: Faith and Begorah! The wee ones! The little people!
Raphael: Hey, hey, Sean, I know we're short. But not *that* short.
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: You've got the wrong people here, Lieutenant. They don't have the emerald. They've got pots of gold.
Lt. Bronski: What are you talking about, O'Tharity?
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: They're leprechauns!
Lt. Bronski: You're nuts!

Michaelangelo: [attempting to perform a magic trick] As you can see the hat is empty
Raphael: [sarcastically] Like your head!
[the others laugh]
Donatello: Oh not true, that head's got some brains, only they're not Michaelangelo's
[laughs]


"How It Should Have Ended: How Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Should Have Ended (#10.6)" (2015)
[the 2014 Turtles observe their alternate selves from other TV shows and comics]
Michelangelo: Hey, bros, is it just me, or do all those Turtles look better than us?
[pause]
Donatello: I'd say so.
Leonardo: Yeah, they look pretty awesome.
Michelangelo: Totally see it.
Raphael: I think it's debatable...

Michelangelo: COWAB... Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. The Amazing Spider-Man?
Spider-Man: Hey, fellas.
Michelangelo: Dude, what're you doing here, brah?
Spider-Man: Well, the toxin's about to be released at the top of this tower, I have to stop it before it poisons New York City!
Raphael: Uh, no. That's pretty much what WE're doing.
Donatello: I think you want that tower over there.
[points at another tower]
The Lizard: Hello, poor Peter Parker!

Raphael: Not good, bros! Shredder's started the countdown to release the toxin in the city!
Donatello: This is a horror of magnifying proportions! Not only is Shredder performing one of the most commonly used third-act cliches in cinematic history, but an estimated 98.2% of the New York population will be at a near-death state by the precisely timed release of that chemical concoction!... I'm the smart one.

Spider-Man: Okay, this is just crazy: you have a villain releasing toxins on a tower, and a wealthy business owner stealing your blood. Well, check this: my father was a scientist, he mysteriously died, but it was later revealed that he was killed after uncovering an evil plot by the company he worked for! Do you Turtles have anyone with that backstory?
April O'Neil: Hello!
Spider-Man: WHAT? Seriously?
Donatello: This is a plagiaristic monstrosity, we're totally copying the adventures of Spider-Man!
Raphael: Yeah, and not even the good ones...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Attack of the Mousers (#1.3)" (2003)
Raphael: Hey. Hey, Earth to Mikey.
Michaelangelo: Ow! What?
Raphael: She woke up. Leo made her some tea and she's ready to consider we might be real.
Michaelangelo: Awesomely radical, dude!
Raphael: You keep talking like that, she's gonna pass out again.
Michaelangelo: Hey!

Splinter: Young woman, we have something most important to discuss.
April O'Neil: What?
Splinter: We have never revealed ourselves to the other world. You have placed us all in great danger.
Leonardo: But, Master Splinter... she was in trouble and we helped her.
Raphael: Yeah, aren't you always teaching us to do the right thing?
Splinter: As you grow older, you will learn there are many ways to do the right thing. But there is no going back. I'm afraid we find ourselves at your mercy.
April O'Neil: Oh, I would never tell anybody. I mean, who would believe me?
Donatello: She's got a point.
Michaelangelo: Yeah! We're unbelievable!
Raphael: Geez, where's your off switch?

Raphael: First rule: Ignore Mikey. Your life will be much easier.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Manhattan Project: Part 2 (#2.14)" (2014)
Raphael: This is YOUR fault, Leo! If you hadn't called Splinter, we wouldn't be in this mess!
Leonardo: I didn't have a choice, Raph. It was him or Mikey. I thought... I thought Sensei would take care of him...
Raphael: Well, you thought wrong!
Michelangelo: We know where they took him... Shredder's lair. We do this for SPLINTER. There comes a time, brothers, when history is forged like... melted cheese. It sticks together as... one! But is still soft and squishy in the middle. ARE YOU WITH ME?
Raphael: Lamest speech ever... But I'm with you.
Leonardo: Let's do this!

Leonardo: You did it, Sensei.
Splinter: With the help of my brave sons, yes, we all did it.
Raphael: What about Karai?
April O'Neil: I still can't believe that evil witch is your daughter. Um... Sorry to be so honest.
Splinter: Perhaps one day she will believe the truth. But that is her decision.

[Kraathatrogon Worm warps into the 1987 TMNT dimension]
80's Leonardo: Hey, do you guys see that?
80's Michelangelo: Woah dudes, a giant freaky worm! Totally mondo-bizarro!
80's Donatello: I bet that pesky Shredder and Krang are behind this!
80's Raphael: You know what that means, right Leonardo?
80's Leonardo: We take down the creepy crawler, and then we order pizza!
80's Donatello: Yes! Turtle power!
80's Michelangelo: Cowabunga!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Kraang Conspiracy (#2.9)" (2014)
Raphael: You guys take care of the derp. I'll rescue April.
Donatello: Aw, man! I wanted to do that!

April O'Neil: [gasps] ... I never understood... how... how turtles... could be so... so fast!
Michelangelo: C'mon, April! This is just the warmup!
April O'Neil: The WARMUP? For TWO HOURS?
Leonardo: That's what ninjas do! Training sometimes lasts four, five hours at a time! Awesome, right? Ha ha ha! Yeah!
April O'Neil: Ugh, are you kidding me? I'm gonna puke! How 'bout a REAL mission?
Raphael: It took fifteen years of training before Master Splinter allowed us to go on a real mission. You got a long way to go, sister.
Donatello: Not that long! A decade or two'll fly by like that!
April O'Neil: For a turtle!

Donatello: You're not... entirely human, April. That's why you have psychic powers. In fact, you are a half human, half alien... mutant.
Raphael, Michelangelo, Leonardo, April O'Neil: A MUTANT?
Michelangelo: Aw, YEAH! Welcome to the family!


The Fight for the Fox Box (2003) (TV)
Michaelangelo: [In the Turtles' lair on a Saturday morning, two of them fight. Mikey stands in front of their TV wall with a remote control, smiling] Oh yes! Saturday morning toon time! This is what life's all about!
[he turns on the TVs; there is nothing but snow]
Michaelangelo: Hey! What gives? This isn't Ultimate Muscle! I want my Ultimate Muscle! Donny! The cable's on the blink again!
Donatello: [Donatello sits down at his computer workstation, he brings up scientific-looking readouts on the screens] According to this, our cable's functioning perfectly!
Michaelangelo: You don't think the Fox Box has been... pre-empted, do ya?
Raphael: [smashes a sai into one of the television sets] If I miss this week's "Kirby", heads are gonna roll!
Leonardo: Donny, see what else you can find out. Maybe there's something we can do to help.
Raphael: Yeah? Well hurry it up! 'Cuz I also wanted to catch the Fox Box premiere of "Shaman King"!
Leonardo: Shaman King?
Raphael: You gotta see this, Leo, it's awesome! Mikey! Run the Shaman King promo we taped!
[Mikey puts a DVD in the system and the Shaman King promo starts]

Leonardo: [inside their truck as it speeds through the city; talking into a cell phone] All right, guys. Anyone find anything?
Michaelangelo: I find that searching for stuff makes me hungry!
Raphael: [riding his motorcycle] I got nothing!
Donatello: [on the computer system at their base] I intercepted and encrypted Foot communication signals. Near as I can tell, the Fox Box broadcast codes have been broken up into five parts. Shredder's got one part, but we'll need the other parts to get the Fox Box back online and on the air.
Leonardo: [on the phone] So, what do we do?
Donatello: April had a great idea.
April O'Neil: If we can find The Shredder's part of the code, maybe someone else will find the other pieces. Don and I have set up a website: SaveTheFoxBox.com. Anyone who finds a piece of the Fox Box broadcast codes can log on and enter it. The codes will be reassembled, and the Fox Box will be back on the air in no time.
Michaelangelo: [driving the truck] I just hope all this can happen fast, so I don't miss the Fox Box premiere of Sonic X!
Raphael: If that ain't an intro for another sneak peek, I don't know what is!

Michaelangelo: [in April O'Neil's shop; Donatello, Mikey, Raphael, April, and Splinter wait] Geez! None of us found Shredder's part of the code. I hope Leo has better luck.
Leonardo: [being thrown through a window into the shop] Aaah!
Donatello: Leo!
Raphael: Leo, what happened?
Leonardo: [hurt, dirty, and lying on the floor, Leo weakly lifts his head; the others gather around him] I... I got Shredder's part of the code. It's Five, E, three, K, Z.
[Foot Clan ninjas break in through the other windows. A fight ensues]
Shredder: [breaks down the door after the fight has gone on for a minute; everyone stops fighting] Fools! You may have stolen the Fox Box broadcast codes from me, but that is the last thing you will ever do! Say farewell to each other while you still can.
Michaelangelo: Oh yeah, Mister Spikey-Pants? Well, you're the one who should be saying farewell... to... uh, to yourself!
Raphael: Oh yeah, Mikey. That got him.
Shredder: Finish them off!
[more fighting ensues]
Splinter: My sons! Retreat!
[he and April pull Leonardo into a large walk-in closet; the other turtles follow them in and Mikey closes the door]
Shredder: Say goodbye to your precious Fox Box! And your worthless lives!
[he bars the closet door with a metal bar, sets of a bomb, and claws open a pipe near the door that spews out gas; as Mikey and Raphael try to open the door, a view from the street shows the shop exploding]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Invasion of the Squirrelanoids (#2.2)" (2013)
Michelangelo: Hey, that comic is in mint... near mint condition! Don't mess it up!
Raphael: Great, another horror story. Guess who's gonna be up all night again?
Michelangelo: What? No. I was up all night because I was... polishing my grappling hook.

Leonardo: Quick! Help me seal off the lair! We can't let them escape!
Raphael: Well, I don't exactly want them in here with us!

Raphael: Splitting up to find multiplying mutants in the dark. Could we pick a more cliché way to get eaten?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Hot-Rodding Teenagers from Dimension X (#1.4)" (1987)
Raphael: Shredder must really be getting desperate if he's throwing geeks like you at us!

Raphael: [to the Neutrinos] The Shredder must really be getting desperate if he's throwing geeks like you at us.

Dask: They're Krang's Stone Warriors from Dimension X. They're bad.
Raphael: Uh yeah, I guessed that. You got any weapons on those hot rods?
Dask: Of course, they're required by law.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Into Dimension X! (#2.24)" (2014)
Raphael: Mikey, you're like a genius here!
Michelangelo: Hey, in crazy-backwards land, crazy-backwards dude is King!

Donatello: That overload should have taken out their whole facility! Their invasion will be set back for months!
Raphael: Yeah, but how long is that with the time-differential thing?
Donatello: I don't know... hours? Maybe a day?

Donatello: [Hanging from the bottom on a giant floating island] This is ridiculous. Gravity can't work like this.
Raphael: Well, obviously, here it can.
Donatello: That means...
[Throws a rock and it flies past them several times before catching it]
Donatello: Different laws of physics.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Pulverizer Returns! (#1.22)" (2013)
Leonardo: Alright guys, let's pack it in. Nothing's happening.
Raphael: I was afraid this day would come. We've run out of butts to kick.

Michelangelo: Look, I'm Leo! Guys, shh! We have to be quiet. Ninjas are quiet. Quiet down.
Leonardo: I sound nothing like that!
Raphael: Yes, that's why we're laughing because you sound nothing like that.

Raphael: Awwwwww...
Leonardo: Raph If you keep breaking your toys we won't buy you new ones.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Invasion: Part 2 (#2.26)" (2014)
[Shredder throws Splinter into a sewer pool]
Raphael: NOOO! YOU MONSTER!
[goes into an unstoppable rage]
Michelangelo: That's enough, Raph! ENOUGH!
[hugs him]
Michelangelo: It's OK, bro. Sensei's a master ninja, he's gonna be just fine...

[the Turtles bid their final farewell in the Turtle Lair]
Raphael: [looks at a photo of Slash] Wherever you are, I hope you're safe, Spike.
Donatello: [to Mutagen Man] We'll be back, Timothy. And if we don't make it, you should defrost in about ummm... 70 years or so. Hopefully the world is a better place by then.
Michelangelo: [pulls Kitty out of the freezer] I know this is your home. You know we have to leave, Ice Cream Kitty!

[last lines]
Michelangelo: What's gonna happen now, Raph?
Raphael: For the first time in my life I have no idea, little brother.
Michelangelo: I miss Master Splinter.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Metalhead (#1.6)" (2012)
Donatello: Booyakasha!
Michelangelo: Sounds weird when he says it.
Raphael: It sounds weird when YOU say it.

Raphael: Look, Spike. Donnie got a new stick to break.

Leonardo: [on Metalhead] What is this thing?
Donatello: Gentlemen - and Raphael - this is the future of ninjitsu!
Raphael: I always thought the future of ninjitsu would be taller.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Michelangelo, the Sacred Turtle (#5.18)" (1991)
Michelangelo: [notices April being held hostage while wearing a handmaiden outfit that shows off her legs] April!
Raphael: [whistles a catcall at her] Nice outfit!

Michelangelo: [after being told to stop their attackers while wearing his sacred Egyptian outfit] But I feel so silly in this outfit I could die of embarrassment!
Raphael: Would you rather die of sword poisoning?
Michelangelo: Since you put it that way, tada!
[shows the attackers his Egyptian outfit he was hiding under the jacket causing them to bow to him]

Raphael: [after learning the name of the pharaoh the Egyptian's think Michelangelo is the reincarnation of] The Sacred Turt-el?
[laughs]
Raphael: I don't believe it!
Michelangelo: Uh, I'm afraid you have to dude, it's too late to rewrite the script.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mazes & Mutants (#2.15)" (2014)
Raphael: I just want to hit Sir Malachi so hard he turns back into an egg!

Sir Malachi: Sir Raphael, you would dare to face me? You would defy the great drakes of the North?
Raphael: You must be on some really crazy birdseed!
[Sir Malachi blasts Raphael]
Raphael: [his head transfigured] Yeah, give it all you got! I'm ready for you, I can take it!
Donatello: Um, Raph... you have the head of a turkey.
Michelangelo: [laughs] Yeah! Gobble Gobble son! Make like a turkey do!
Raphael: What?
[sees it's true, and goes hysterical]
Sir Malachi: That's right, you play by MY rules now! Anyone who forfeits the game next gets turned into a squirrel!
[Michelangelo is frightened of squirrels, and so freaks out]

Raphael: I've been giving this some thought, about me being a TURKEY...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Never Say Xever (#1.8)" (2012)
April O'Neil: You guys wanna speed it up a little?
Donatello: Are you saying turtles are slow?
Michelangelo: That's a hurtful stereotype!
Leonardo: Trust us, April, we are better off keeping a low profile. We find people treat us better when they don't know we exist.
April O'Neil: Sorry, I'm just so excited to get you out of the sewer for a change.
Raphael: What are you talking about? We go out all the time!
April O'Neil: Yeah, but tonight your gonna do something besides hitting people.
Raphael: [dismayed] Awww...
April O'Neil: Don't worry. You're gonna love this noodle place I found.
Donatello: And you're sure we'll be welcome?
April O'Neil: Oh yeah. Mr. Murakami doesn't care what people look like. In fact, he won't even know what you look like. He's blind!
Michelangelo: Awesome! For us, I mean.

Raphael: Those guys only understand one language!
Michelangelo: Chinese?
Raphael: No, fists!
Michelangelo: How about feet?
Raphael: Uh, they understand feet...
Donatello: That would make them bilingual.

Leonardo: No more Mr. Nice Turtle!
Raphael: Yes! I never liked Mr. Nice Turtle!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tempus Fugit (#7.1)" (2008)
Cyber Shredder: Your doom is at hand, worms!
Demon Shredder: [blasts the Cyber Shredder] The turtles will be MY PRIZE!
Raphael: Great, three Shredders in an all out rumble... and WE'RE caught in the middle!

Splinter: Sometimes the enemies of an enemy can be a friend.
Raphael: Yeah? Well they ain't looking too friendly now!

Cody Jones: Well, I suppose this is goodbye.
Splinter: Cody-san, thank you for your hospitality. Though this may be goodbye, we have forged a bound that will stand the tests of time. Past, present, and future. Remember your teachings, little ninja.
Raphael: Well, guess this is it.
Cody Jones: Take care, guys. I won't ever forget you.
Donatello: And we won't forget you, Cody.
Michelangelo: Thanks for everything.
Leonardo: Remember the ninja code.
Raphael: Gonna miss ya, kid.
Cody Jones: So long.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Cousin Sid (#4.1)" (2005)
Leonardo: Enough talk! Let's take them down!
Michelangelo: Leo, you're stealing Raph's line.
Raphael: Hey, I don't mind. I love it when Leo talks tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often.

Michelangelo: Raph needs a hiding place, don't you Raphie boy? And I got just the spot.
Raphael: Hiding spot? Don't even...! N-no way am I missin' this action!
[Donnie and Mikey put him in a closet]
Michelangelo: Don't worry, Raph. We'll come back for you... maybe.
Raphael: Mikey! You better hope I never heal! Ow! Owww!

[last lines]
Raphael: We'll heal. And then we'll beat the shell outta Casey for having such a whackbag family. But you're first, Mikey!
Michelangelo: OW!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Return to New York (#3.9)" (2015)
Donatello: The new and improved... Party Wagon!
Raphael: It's so awesome!
Leonardo: All right, team. Let's do this!

Raphael: The Kraang have some kind of freaking security system to make sure we don't come back!
Michelangelo: Why not just go take it down and move back in? I miss our home. I miss my comic books, my VHS tapes, my Action Kick Unicorn Man, my collection of human underwear...

Donatello: We made it!
Raphael: Yeah, by the skin of our shells.
Michelangelo: So where to now? We have no home to go back to.
Splinter: Homes are transitory. What matters is that we are together.
Leonardo: But we still need a place to hang our masks, Sensei. Where are we gonna live?
Donatello: Well, there's the old power plant, or maybe an abandoned subway tunnel...
Michelangelo: Wait, I have the greatest idea ever!
Raphael: Do we really want to hear this?
Michelangelo: It's secret, fortified, and no one would ever think to look for us there!
[cut to a pizza shop]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Karai's Vendetta (#1.21)" (2013)
Leonardo: So Donnie, how are we gonna get out there?
Donatello: Don't worry guys, I've been working on something that's pretty awesome...
[cut to the Turtle Sub, where Raph, Leo and Mikey are riding training cycles]
Raphael: [panting] This... is not... awesome.
Leonardo: [panting] Seriously Donnie? A submarine powered by bicycles?
Raphael: You know what would have been more efficient? SWIMMING!
Donatello: Hey pipe down, guys! Kinetic energy is the only way to charge the engines which should be done... right about now.

Michelangelo: [knocks down two Kraang-droids] That's a twofer! Thank you, and thank you...
[Raphael stabs two Kraang-droids who approach Mikey from behind]
Michelangelo: And thank you.
Raphael: How many times have told you: no celebrating until the fight is over?
Michelangelo: How many times have I told you I assumed it was over?

Michelangelo: All right, Victory Dance!
[starts to dance]
Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello: MIKEY!
Michelangelo: Or maybe later...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Worlds Collide: Part 2 (#3.5)" (2004)
Raphael: You're making a big mistake, Bishop. You can't trust that Blanque guy. He's no better than the Triceratons.
Agent Bishop: Federation, Triceratons, it makes little difference to me. I helped one destroy the other, and they promise to give me what I need and leave the Earth alone. But enough talk. Time for your dissection.

Donatello: Who are you?
Agent Bishop: Well, Donatello, I'm the man the government realise upon for certain projects. The kind of projects that rather not dirty their own hands with.
Raphael: Hey, how do you know Donny's name and the Professor?
Agent Bishop: I know all your names, Raphael. And much, much, more.
Leonardo: And yet we know nothing about you, not even your name.
Michelangelo: How rude is that!
Agent Bishop: Very well, Michelangelo, when you scream my name, pleading to make the pain stop, begging for mercy, you may call me Bishop.

Casey Jones: Wake up, Raphy, Christmas came early this year!
[tosses Raph a bag containing weapons]
Raphael: Thank you, Santa!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: April's Fool (#3.11)" (1989)
Raphael: [noticing April arriving at the lair wearing a yellow ball gown, high heels, dimond earrings, a jeweled necklace, makeup, and her hair styled differently] Wow!, talk about embraceable! Who is that?
April O'Neil: Hi guys, it's me.
Donatello: Gosh April you look just like a... a girl!
Leonardo: You look lovely!
Michelangelo: Truly tubuloso!
Raphael: Yeah, you clean up real good!
Splinter: [also enamored] April, you make this ancient rodent feel young again
April O'Neil: Thanks guys! You're just a bunch of big green sweeties, and you're the nicest rodent I know! And now I'm off to the Malcurian Embassy to cover a fancy party!

Leonardo: [as April leaves for the party] I think we should keep an eye on her!
Donatello: Better yet, two!
Michelangelo: Mondo notion dude!
Raphael: Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!
[they all run for the exit and fight over who gets out first]

Raphael: [as he's hanging on to Shredder helicopter] Remember kids we're professionals, don't try this at home.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Monkey Brains (#1.7)" (2012)
Leonardo: Donnie, are you gonna be okay?
Donatello: Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.
Leonardo: In that case...
[Leo, Raph and Mikey start laughing at him]
Raphael: You got beat up by a monkey? In front of your girlfriend?
Donatello: She's not my girlfriend! And that monkey was a vicious mutant!
Leonardo: Yeah, I'm sure he went bananas! Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He went ape!
Raphael: [sees April enter] No more monkey puns.
April O'Neil: Are you laughing at him because he's hurt?
Michelangelo: No we're laughing at him, because he was hurt by a... monkey!

Donatello: Ha, see that? I got her number!
Raphael: Her number's on the fridge, you dork.

Leonardo: Alright Falco, we've had enough of your...
Raphael: Do NOT say "Monkeying around!"
Leonardo: I wasn't going to!
Dr. Victor Falco: Yes, you were.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Outlaw Armaggon (#4.4)" (2015)
Raphael: [sees Armaggon for the first time] We're gonna need a bigger ship.

[Mikey pokes at Honeycutt's exposed brain]
Raphael: Mikey! If you had a brain, would you poke it?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A Better Mousetrap (#1.2)" (2003)
Leonardo: Midnight stroll?
Raphael: Out of my way, Leo.
Leonardo: Master Splinter said we stay put.
Raphael: Look, I'll go through you if I have to.
Leonardo: I'd like to see you try, hothead!
Raphael: Careful what you wish for, Splinter Jr!

Donatello: These mousers are incredible! The servo mechanics, the circuitry, the articulation...!
Raphael: Geez, Donny, why don't you just marry one already.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Beyond the Known Universe (#4.1)" (2015)
Raphael: [sees alien swords and guns] It's like I've died and gone to a giant beautiful armory in the sky...

Lord Dregg: I am Lord Vringath Dregg, ruler of Planet Sectoid, lord of all insect life in the universe, and bringer of your deaths!
Raphael: Ah, could you hang on a second? I just got a phone call here from someone named "I Don't Give a Flying..."
Donatello: That's great! Thanks, Raph! Nice diplomacy there!


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled (2009) (VG)
Raphael: Cool off, suckers!

Raphael: Cowabunga!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Across the Universe (#3.20)" (2005)
[first lines]
Raphael: Get this, I am racing pro-bike. The thing is, this ain't no shell-cycle, it's a Planet Racer and these babies are so high octane they require two riders. The other thing is, these ain't your average racetracks, it's a hostile alien world with some unusual obstacles. When you race as a Planet Racer, winning is one thing... surviving is another.

Raphael: Race with honor.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Adventures in Turtle Sitting (#4.23)" (2006)
Leonardo: And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them.
Raphael: We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey.

Raphael: Man, I am gonna take Bishop and ram my foot SO far up his...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Hunted (#3.8)" (2004)
Raphael: [tending to his brother] Mikey... C'mon, bro. No... Ah, please, Mikey, say somethin'!
Michelangelo: ...I guess I'm lucky you didn't give me mouth to mouth!
Raphael: He's fine.

Michelangelo: Leatherhead! You okay?
Leatherhead: Michelangelo? Is it... YOU? You're all right!
Michelangelo: Sure I'm all right.
Raphael: We're a pretty thick-skinned group.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Return of the Fly (#3.22)" (1989)
Shredder: The Turtles! What does it take to stop you?
Raphael: Whatever it is, you ain't got it.
Shredder: We'll discuss it some other time.

[Shredder shows up when the Turtles rescue April]
April O'Neil: Shredder!
Raphael: Oh, swell. We've traded one rat for another.
April O'Neil: But, you're not the one who captured me!
Baxter Stockman: No, my dear. It was I, Baxter the fly.
Leonardo: Baxter!
Donatello: The Fly!
Raphael: These old subway tunnels always have such a great echo.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Case of the Hot Kimono (#3.33)" (1989)
Aunt Aggie: Don't worry. We'll throw a monkey wrench into their plans.
Raphael: If she pulls one of those out of her purse, I'm outta here!

Leonardo: [looking for April and Vernon] Where are they?
Michelangelo: Well, like, maybe we beat them down?
Raphael: Right. What do you think this is, a cartoon?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Hun on the Run (#3.18)" (2005)
Raphael: Oh, I can't believe I lost my bike!
Michelangelo: Look on the bright side, Raph. You may have lost the Shell Cycle, but Donny here gain a shiny new train car.
Donatello: Can I keep it, Leo?
Leonardo: If you can figure out a way to get it home...

Raphael: You know Bishop, you got to be about the only guy I hate more than Hun!
Michelangelo: And that's saying a lot!
Raphael: [flips Hun over] And you owe me a new bike fatso!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Casey Jones: Outlaw Hero (#3.23)" (1989)
Donatello: The guy pops in and out of the sewers. He fights crime. He knows kung-fu!
Raphael: In other words: People are going to think he *us*...

Casey Jones: This city's a cess pool of crime. Somebody's gotta clean it up and that someone is me. Not even criminal mutants can stop... Casey Jones!
Raphael: That guy's seen too many "Filthy Harry" movies!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Get Shredder! (#8.1)" (1994)
Raphael: Leonardo, explain to me again why we're creeping around in the dead of night instead of home in our nice, damp lair?
Michelangelo: Yeah dude. We just blasted the Technodrome into Dimension X.
Leonardo: The Technodrome may be gone, but Shredder and Krang are still loose.
Donatello: And this is the best chance we'll ever get to put those goons away for good.
Raphael: And I still say we have some vacation time coming.

Shredder: 31 minutes. For once you didn't make it on time, turtles.
Donatello: Channel 6 is still there.
Raphael: I knew he was bluffing.
Shredder: I "never" bluff.
[Channel 6 begins to explode, crumbling to the street]
Donatello: ...It's not possible.
Michelangelo: April... Irma... Do you suppose they got out in time?
Leonardo: [to Shredder] You miserable maggot!
Shredder: [to Bebop and Rocksteady] Destroy them!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Things Change (#1.1)" (2003)
Donatello: [after beating the Purple Dragons] Well, that was easier then expected.
Raphael: I hope there are more of those guys. I'm just getting warmed up.
Michelangelo: [Notices the Foot arriving] Uh, well, looks like you got your wish, Raphy-boy.
Leonardo: Are those guys... ninjas?
Michelangelo: Well, they're certainly ninja-esq.

Michelangelo: Cowabung...
[Raph pushes Mikey down a hole]
Michelangelo: Not funny, Raph!
Raphael: Oh, yes it is.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Pizza by the Shred (#3.26)" (1989)
Michaelangelo: Ultimo bummer, dudes, I had my belly set on that heart board.
Donatello: Did that make sense to you?
Raphael: Not supposed to, Michelangelo said it.

Leonardo: Well whatever Michaelangelo is up to, it hasn't made the papers... yet.
Raphael: Have you checked the funnies?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Cockroach Terminator (#1.18)" (2013)
Raphael: Cockroach? Why did it have to be a cockroach?

Leonardo: Hey Spy-Roach, Raph's out here! Come and get him!
Raphael: Really? You're using me as bait?
Leonardo: Yep.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Return of the Shredder (#2.1)" (1988)
Michaelangelo: [On TV, April winked at one of the turtles] Right on, babe.
Donatello: She was winking at me you know.
Michaelangelo: You're totally warped, dude. She was winking at me.
Raphael: Get real, you guys it was meant for yours truly.
Leonardo: I hate to argue, fellas, but I think she meant it for me.
April O'Neil: [They all argue] Cool it, fellas! If you must know, I was winking at Splinter.
Michaelangelo: I don't believe that!
Splinter: Age has its advantages.

Michaelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo: We dare!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Dragons Rising (#4.10)" (2005)
Raphael: NOW WHAT?
Leonardo: We didn't finish the job! We blew it! Again! We blew it!
Donatello: We did the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy.
Leonardo: Half! We stopped half! And only because we got lucky! Is that good enough for you? IS IT? We're always one step behind! We act like a bunch of amateurs! How many times are we gonna get beaten before you guys wise up and realise this isn't a game?

[card game]
Splinter: It is as the great Sage Sakamoto said, "Read them and weep!"
Casey Jones: No way! A royal flush?
Raphael: Aw, come on, Master Splinter, cut us a break!
Splinter: If one cannot afford to pay, one should not play. Suckers!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Baxter's Gambit (#1.19)" (2013)
Raphael: Where were we? Oh, yeah, I was turning you into fishsticks!
Fishface: Actually, I believe I was turning you into turtle soup!

Raphael: The world's longest tunnel, of doom...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Mutation Situation (#2.1)" (2013)
Donatello: So, we gonna stop by April's? We are one-point-three blocks and six, no no, SEVEN meters away from her apartment.
Raphael: Yeah, that's not weird or anything, Donnie...

Donatello: Handsome gram for April O'Neil.
Raphael: Did you REALLY just say that?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Scion of the Shredder (#4.15)" (2006)
Karai: Where is Leonardo?
Raphael: He ain't here.
Michelangelo: You know, you juuust missed him! But if you leave right now, we'll let him know that you stopped by!

Raphael: Oh shell...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Rise of the Turtles: Part 2 (#1.2)" (2012)
[Raph uses a Kraang arm to seal a door]
Raphael: That'll hold them!
[His brothers stare at him]
Raphael: What?
Leonardo: You... are seriously twisted.
Raphael: Thanks!

Raphael: [threatens Snake] Now you could turn out handsome like me, or you could turn out disgusting and deformed like Mikey here!
Michelangelo: HEY!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Enter the Rat King (#3.9)" (1989)
Raphael: Ah, the Rat King! The big cheese himself.

Leonardo: [the turtles hear foot steps approaching] Someone's coming get ready
[they run toward the figure with their weapons raised]
Leonardo: [April screams as the turtles approach her] April?
April O'Neil: [the turtles lower their weapons] That's the second time today you guys have done that!
Raphael: And we'll keep on doing it until we get it right!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Usagi Yojimbo (#3.32)" (1989)
Raphael: [about Usagi] He's not only from an alternate dimension, but also ancient Japan. So naturally, he speaks English.

Raphael: He's not only from medieval Japan, but also from an alternate universe, so naturally he speaks English.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Noxious Avenger (#3.15)" (2015)
[the Turtles are caught on TV during a battle with Muckman]
Splinter: How could you all be so careless? Secrecy is the most important rule of a ninja! And you have broken it! You four are forbidden from leaving the lair!
Raphael: What? You can't hold that sloppy escape against us, we got slimed with toxic puke!
Splinter: Silence!
Donatello: But Sensei, if that pile of muck took us down, you know he's dangerous...
Leonardo: Which means we need to be out there looking for him!
Splinter: No! Until I decide I can watch you to trust yourselves, you will remain here, GROUNDED!
Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo, Michelangelo: Awww!
Michelangelo: [crawls towards the TV] Oh, yeah... Crognard marathon...
Splinter: And no TV!
[smashes the TV]

[last lines]
Raphael: See, Sensei? We're all cool!
Donatello: Everything's back to normal, nothing to worry about!
Michelangelo: So that means we can watch Crognard again, right?
Splinter: No! You are still grounded!
[knocks out the Turtles]


"Power Rangers in Space: Shell Shocked (#1.4)" (1998)
Astronema: You're going to destroy the Power Rangers.
Raphael: Uh... Hello? Cut me some slack. Oh, knock,-knock. The Power Rangers are just pretend. You know comic book.
Leonardo: Even if they did exist, why would we want to destroy them?
Astronema: Because as of now, you work for me.

Pink Space Ranger: So the Mutant Ninja Turtles are for real.
Leonardo: Yeah.
Raphael: Hey, we even couldn't believe there were really Power Rangers either. Pretty trippy.
Michelangelo: As for me...
[kisses Ashley's hand]
Michelangelo: I never doubted your existence for a minute Miss Yellow Ranger.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Rogue in the House: Part 2 (#2.20)" (2004)
Raphael: [on the Shredder] I see he still gets his suits at the hardware store.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: New Girl in Town (#1.14)" (2013)
Raphael: I'm... sorry.
Leonardo: What was that? I didn't hear you.
Raphael: I said I'm SORRY!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Turtles and the Hare (#4.27)" (1991)
Raphael: [Splinter takes away comic book] Come on, man, I'm at the most epic part.
Splinter: Man? Is that how you refer to me? What's next? Rat-faced dude guy?


"Robot Chicken: Super Guitario Center (#7.11)" (2014)
Raphael: Oh, hell to the no!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Invasion of the Punk Frogs (#2.8)" (1988)
Donatello: [viewing news footage of Rocksteady and Bebop engaging in reckless vandalism] I wonder why those two are having such a temper tantrum.
Raphael: [with his usual sarcasm] Maybe they passed by a mirror and saw what they look like.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Attack of the 50-Foot Irma (#3.3)" (1989)
[Donatello has made a cure for Irma in the form of a capsule]
Irma Langinstein: Ah, forget it! I can't swallow pills! When I was little, my mother gave me my medicine in a spoonful of ice cream!
Leonardo: Come on, Irma, you're a big girl now!
Raphael: Yeah, really big.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mousers Attack! (#1.11)" (2012)
Raphael: Dexter Speckman!
Baxter Stockman: It's Baxter Stockman!
Raphael: That was close...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Bye, Bye, Fly (#3.44)" (1989)
Leonardo: [while being videotaped for Donatello's "Turtle-Robics" video] I feel like an idiot.
Raphael: That's okay. You also look like one.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Garbageman (#1.9)" (2003)
Michelangelo: That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
Raphael: Just this once, I totally agree with you
Garbageman: Greetings Filth!


"Robot Chicken: Fridge Smell (#8.11)" (2016)
Donatello: My brothers, I present to you the April O'Neil Sexbot 3000!
Raphael: How's that solve anything? April's a human!
Donatello: This April has a vibrating cloaca!
[all the Turtles crowd around the robot April, the real one sees what is happening and freaks out]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Attack of Big MACC (#3.12)" (1989)
Donatello: I'd say it's time we checked out of this library.
Raphael: In fact, we're overdue.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Modern Love - The Return of Nano (#2.11)" (2004)
Leonardo: April we found the stolen jewels the police were looking for
Raphael: We thought you should turn them in there's a big reward
Leonardo: [hands her the chest] You can build your place again
April O'Neil: But guys we should share the reward
Michelangelo: Sharing is good!
[Raphael hits him]
Raphael: Will you knock it off!
Michelangelo: What?
April O'Neil: Thanks guys
Donatello: Guess if you get your place back we won't be seeing you so much anymore
April O'Neil: [kisses him] Of course you will guys
[Donatello smiles]
April O'Neil: we're family


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Space: Part 2 - The Trouble with Triceratons (#2.2)" (2003)
Professor Honeycutt: I do believe these fine gentlemen can help us.
[points at Han Solo and Chewbacca]
Leonardo, Raphael: We can do better!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Back to the Egg (#4.26)" (1990)
Donatello: Leonard was right. This place is too swanky for us.
Michaelangelo: No sweat, dudes! Our money's as green as anyone's
Raphael: Yeah, but so are our faces.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Pizza Face (#2.18)" (2014)
Michelangelo: Now, what would be in the best pizza ever? Duh! Hot sauce!
[sings while preparing a pizza]
Michelangelo: I love a little hot sauce on my pizza! I love a little hot sauce, yes I do! But hot sauce isn't hot, without sardines, son! It just tastes like a pile of sticky GOO! Some protein from a pile of worms, some garlic, chives and marshmallows too! But wait a second, BOO! If you please, I'm missing the most important part: CHEESE! A cheesicle, I need my cheesicle, Ice Cream Kitty, give me a cheesicle! Come on!
[Ice Cream Kitty gives him a cheesicle]
Michelangelo: Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Kitty, kitty, kitty! Ice Cream Kitty give me a cheesicle! Come on!
Raphael: Are they ever gonna stop singing? It sickens me!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Catwoman from Channel Six (#2.12)" (1988)
Donatello: Well, April, how does it feel being a human again?
April O'Neil: Awful! My nails are absolutely ruined from walking around on all fours!
Raphael: Yep, she's back to being a woman again!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Real World: Part 2 (#3.23)" (2005)
Raphael: What the shell?
Donatello: Mikey! Raph! You're young! And alive! And Mikey, you have both arms!
Michelangelo: Good to see you too Donnie, I think...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Membership Drive (#5.6)" (2007)
Raphael: What's the matter, Mikey? Didn't make the cut?
Michelangelo: In your dreams, you wanna-be! The Turtle Titan is now an official member of the Justice Force! Of course, I'm only on duty on the 3rd of every Wednesday on every 4th month, and February 29th when there is one...


Turtles Take Time (and Space) (2016)
Donatello: We lost the scepter in the vortex, now we'll never get to explore inter-dimensional travel!
Raphael: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Superhero for a Day (#4.25)" (1990)
Michelangelo: [Coming out of a theater] Woah was "Attack of the Mutant Stenographers" awesome or what?
Raphael: No question about it, it was awesomely... terrible!
Donatello: Yeah the worst!
Michelangelo: Well don't have a cow man!
Raphael: Uh, wrong show!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Zach and the Alien Invaders (#5.15)" (1991)
Leonardo: [after Zach is taken by Screwloose cutting him off the phone] Hello Zack? Something's happened to him!
Michelangelo: It sounded like somebody cut him off
Donatello: Maybe it's for this time
Raphael: [sarcastically] Yeah and I'm the tooth fairy


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Bishop to Knight (#6.6)" (2006)
[aboard a transport vehicle]
Leonardo: Um, ladies and gentlemen, there is an emergency situation. Everyone needs to get to the escape pods now!
[no response]
Raphael: How do you say "bomb" in Futurese?
[panic]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Of Rats and Men (#2.12)" (2014)
Leonardo: I don't know, Master Splinter... This doesn't seem fair...
Splinter: [blindfolded] I assure you, it is not.
[Splinter and Leo duel... and Splinter trounces him]
Splinter: Blind fighting is more than just honing your other senses. It is about perception, and giving the illusion of control. You may think you have the upper hand in the situation... you do not!
[Mikey and Raph laugh at Leo]
Michelangelo: Looks like someone needs a shower...
Raphael: How's that floor taste, Lame-O-Nardo?
Splinter: [whacks Raph and Mikey] It is not hard to sense loud mouths.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Showdown: Part 2 (#1.26)" (2013)
Michelangelo: Everybody, Who saved the world?
Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo, Kirby O'Neil: MIKEY!
Michelangelo, Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo: WE SAVED THE WORLD!
Michelangelo: YEAH!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Enemy of My Enemy (#1.20)" (2013)
Raphael: Hey, the Stealth Bike's my thing!
Michelangelo: Now your thing is sucking it up.
Donatello: Hey, that's my thing!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Big Blow Out (#3.47)" (1989)
Army General: Who in blazes are you?
Raphael: Don't you watch TV?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Manhattan Project: Part 1 (#2.13)" (2014)
[sees their 1987 counterparts]
Michelangelo: It's us! Why do we look like dorks?
Raphael: Is that supposed to be April?
Donatello: Nice jumpsuit...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time (#3.19)" (2015)
Renet: England in the year 980 AD. That is so cold, right?... Isn't that what you say in your time, cold?
Raphael: It's actually cool. And no, THIS IS NOT COOL AT ALL!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Annihilation: Earth! Part 1 (#3.25)" (2015)
[first lines]
Casey Jones: Whoa, that Triceraton sounds so cool. I wish I could have fought a real life dino-dude.
Raphael: Yeah right, that dino-dude would have stomped you into a Casey puddle in five seconds flat!
Casey Jones: Whatever Raph, Casey Jones eats dinosaur meat for breakfast!
April O'Neil: Eww!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Serpent Hunt (#3.10)" (2015)
Raphael: Nice outfit! 1987 called, it wants its jumpsuit back!
Anton Zeck: Wha-wha-what? You're making fun of my suit? I'm gonna smash your dang head!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Something Wicked (#7.3)" (2008)
Michelangelo: Whoa, my fellow cybernauts. We are bravely going where no turtles have gone before: the digital world! Cyberspace!
Raphael: No turtles have EVER done any of the things we do.
Michelangelo: Touche.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: It Came from Beneath the Sewers (#2.3)" (1988)
Leonardo: The turtle communicator!
Donatello: [answers] April, is that you?
Shredder: Not even close.
Donatello: It's Shredder. What do you want, you metal-faced misfit?
Shredder: Now, now, speak with respect. I'm holding your friend April hostage.
[holds the communicator to April's gagged mouth]
April O'Neil: [muffled] Help! Get me out of here!
Raphael: That's April, alright. I recognize her mumbles.
Leonardo: All right, Shredder, where have you got her?
Shredder: 423 Dock Street. I'll be waiting, mutants.
Leonardo: Okay turtles, let's haul shell!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: I, Monster (#1.13)" (2013)
Leonardo: OK, here's the plan: Donnie, you're gonna strike first.
Donatello: No, wait, you want ME to come at Splinter? I'll get pummeled!
Raphael: Well, getting pummeled is your specialty.
Leonardo: Trust me, it's all in my plan to catch Splinter off guard.
Michelangelo: Don't take this the wrong way, Leo, but against Splinter, your plans always get our butts whipped.
Leonardo: OK, new thought: Mikey, you attack!
Michelangelo: He took it the wrong way...


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Enter: The Fly (#2.7)" (1988)
[Splinter has driven the Turtle Van into the junk yard and is fighting off the bad guys with it]
Raphael: Master! I thought you didn't know how to drive!
Splinter: It's remarkable what one can do when one is forced to!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Metalhead Rewired (#2.11)" (2014)
Raphael: Less science-y, more english-y.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Gang's All Here (#3.40)" (1989)
Donatello: [administering the spray to turn the human Michelangelo back into a turtle] Hold still while I spray you with the antidote
Michelangelo: [sees his human hands turn back into his turtle hands] Fantabuloso I'm changing back!
Donatello: Only this time it's permanent
Michelangelo: [completes his transformation] Alright I'm yours truly again!
Raphael: [shaking his hand] Hey Michelangelo how you doing buddy?
April O'Neil: Turtle or human I still think you're the greatest!
[kisses him leaving a lipstick mark on his cheek and causing him to blush]
Leonardo: [jokingly] Careful April you might turn him human again
Michelangelo: No way dude I'm packing shell, being human is totally bogus!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mikey Gets Shellacne (#2.5)" (2013)
Michelangelo: I'm covered in turtles zits!
Raphael: Talk about shellacne!
Leonardo: Don't worry, Mikey. It's just part of being a teenager.
Michelangelo: Have you ever had 'em?
Leonardo: HECK no!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Meet Mondo Gecko (#3.17)" (2015)
Raphael: Casey and Mikey are big boys, they can take care of themselves!... Right, I'm calling.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Farewell Lotus Blossom (#4.39)" (1990)
Raphael: Donatello, what are these?
Donatello: These are phonograph records. They're what people used to listen to before they had CDs.
Michaelangelo: Whoa! Someone really burned these pizzas!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: What's Michelangelo Good For? (#4.44)" (1990)
Donatello: Why do we have to go with you?
Michaelangelo: Because I know how you dudes love to visit the zoo.
Raphael: Hey! If I wanna see a bunch of trapped animals I'll go watch the subways at rush hour.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fungus Humungous (#2.10)" (2014)
Casey Jones: That was HIDEOUS!
Raphael: Dude, you put your nose in a New York City sewer. What'd you expect?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Christmas Aliens (#3.11)" (2004)
Raphael: Yo Casey! Watch the tree will you? We don't want it damaged or nothin'!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Burne's Blues (#3.7)" (1989)
Shredder: [after he has sent a rocket after the turtles] Well Miss O'Neil I hope you're not counting on the turtles saving you this time
[laughs]
Shredder: by now they're nothing but chunks of turtle meat splattered on the sewer walls!
[April gives him a disgusted look]
Rocksteady: [to April] Yeah pretty gross huh?
[laughs]
April O'Neil: Shredder you're fiendishly inhuman!
Shredder: Thank you!
Raphael: [imitating a flight attendant] Please take your seats, we will be experiencing some turbulence
Shredder: What?
Raphael: Thank you for riding super side airlines


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtle Trek (#8.8)" (1994)
Bebop: So, *snort* you rotten shell-backs think you're gonna get passes us, huh?
Raphael: As a matter of fact, yeah.


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Big Rip Off (#3.45)" (1989)
Leonardo: Turtles fight with honor!
Raphael: How about if I just fight with this stuff?
[douses Rocksteady and Bebop with glue]


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Maltese Hamster (#3.4)" (1989)
April O'Neil: How much is that hamster in the window?
Raphael: How come I get the feeling that song won't make the top 40?


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Exodus: Part 2 (#3.26)" (2005)
Leonardo: Is it really over?
Raphael: No more Shredder?
Splinter: Yes, my sons. My master Yoshi's spirit can finally rest in peace. The Shredder... is finished!
The Shredder: [marooned on an asteroid] NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Reality Check (#3.19)" (2005)
Gravi-Turtle: Super Turtles, count it off! GRAVI-TURTLE!
Shellectro: SHELLECTRO!
Griddex: GRIDDEX!
Blobboid: BLOBBOID!


"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Raphael Meets His Match (#4.32)" (1990)
Mona Lisa: Hey, what am I? Fish food?
Michelangelo: Where'd she come from?
Raphael: Oh, you guys missed the flashback, I'll tell you about it later...