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Quotes for
Janine Melnitz (Character)
from Ghostbusters (1984)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Ghostbusters (1984)
[business is terrible at Ghostbusters]
Janine Melnitz: [answers the phone] Hello, Ghostbusters... Yes, of course they're serious... You do?... You have?... No kidding! Just gimme the address... Oh sure, they will be totally discreet. Thank you!
[hangs up]
Janine Melnitz: WE GOT ONE!

Janine Melnitz: You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Print is dead.
Janine Melnitz: Oh, that's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual but I think it's a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play raquetball. Do you have any hobbies?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

Janine Melnitz: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddemore: Ah, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.

Janine Melnitz: Do you want some coffee, Mr. Tulley?
Louis: [to Egon] Do I?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Yes, have some.
Louis: [to Janine] Yes, have some.

Janine Melnitz: I've quit better jobs than this.
[answers phone]
Janine Melnitz: Ghostbusters, what do you want?

[Janine opens the front door and sees a policeman]
Janine Melnitz: Dropping off or picking up?

Janine Melnitz: You are so kind to take care of that man. You know, you're a real humanitarian.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I don't think he's human.

[the Ghostbusters HQ blows up]
Louis: This is it! This is the sign!
Janine Melnitz: Yeah, it's a sign, all right - "Going out of business".

Janine Melnitz: [on the phone] Is it just a mist, or does it have arms and legs?

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, any calls?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Any messages?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Any customers?
Janine Melnitz: No, Dr. Venkman.
Dr. Peter Venkman: It's a good job, huh?
[she smiles]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Type something, will you? We're paying for this stuff! And don't stare at me, you got the bug-eyes.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, sorry about the bug-eyes thing. I'll be in my office.

Janine Melnitz: [Coming in as Egon was running tests on Louis who is possessed by Vince Clorthow] Egon, I tried to stop them they say they have a warrant.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Excuse me, this is private property.
Walter Peck: [after observing the storage facility] Shut this off, shut these all off.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm warning you. Turning off these machines would be extremely hazardous.
Walter Peck: No, I'll tell "you" what's hazardous, you're facing Federal prosecution for about a half dozen environmental violations. Now either you shut off these machines, or we'll shut them off for you.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to understand, this a high voltage laser containment system. Simply turning it off would be like dropping a bomb on the city.
Walter Peck: Don't patronize me, I'm not grotesquely stupid, like the people you've bilked!
Dr. Peter Venkman: [arriving, to the officer] At ease officer, I'm Peter Venkman, I'm a partner in this facility and I'm going to cooperate in any way that I can.
Walter Peck: Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance to cooperate, but you though it would be more fun to insult me. Well, now it's my turn, wiseass.
Dr. Egon Spengler: He wants to shut down the protection grid, Peter.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Walter Peck] You shut that thing down, and "we" are not gonna be held responsible for whatever happens.
Walter Peck: Oh yes you will, I'll make sure you will.
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, we won't be.
Walter Peck: [to the electrician] Shut it off.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the electrician] Don't shut it off. I'm warning ya.
Con Edison Man: I, I never seen anything like this before. I'm not sure...
Walter Peck: [Interrupting] I'm not interested in your opinion, just shut it off.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Gets in electrician's way] My friend, don't be a jerk.
Police Sergeant: [Gets in Peter's way] Step aside.
Walter Peck: If he does that again, you can shoot him.
Police Sergeant: You do 'your" job, pencilneck. Don't tell me how to do mine.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Thank you, officer.
Walter Peck: [aggravatingly shouting] Shut it off!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, any messages?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Any calls?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Desperate] Any customers?
Janine Melnitz: No, Dr. Venkman.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Good job, isn't it? Type something will ya, we're paying for this stuff,
[Walks off]
Dr. Peter Venkman: and don't stare at me you got the *bug eyes*. Janine, sorry about the bug eyes thing I'll be in my office.

Janine Melnitz: I've seen TV, I know you can't come in here without a warrant or writ or something!
Walter Peck: [holding up papers] Cease and desist all commerce order, seizure of premises and chattels, ban on use of public utilities for unauthorized waste handlers, and a federal entry and inspection order.
[pushes past her]

Ghostbusters (2009) (VG)
Janine Melnitz: Our boss called and he...
Dr. Egon Spengler: [Interrupting] Not our boss, just Peck, please.
Janine Melnitz: Peck called and he said if you fire off another unauthorized stream, he's gonna shut you down.

Janine Melnitz: [Answering the phone] Ghostbusters.
Janine Melnitz: No, we do not reccomend that you attempt to perform a level 5 peruvian exorcism on yourself.
[another pause]
Janine Melnitz: But after you'd tied yourself up, it would be extremely difficult to do that to the cat, even if you could catch it.

Janine Melnitz: [Booking a Ghostbusters appointment with a customer on the phone] ... Okay, I've booked you in for Thursday.
Janine Melnitz: Oh it won't be nessisary to call you before they arrive; you'll know. Believe me, you'll know!

Janine Melnitz: [Phone Rings] Hello, Ghostbusters.
Janine Melnitz: No, we do not summon the ghosts of dead relatives and then capture them so you can ask them the combination to the safe.
[another pause]
Janine Melnitz: Yeah, well same to you pal!

Janine Melnitz: [Answering the phone] Hello, Ghostbusters.
Janine Melnitz: Yes.
Janine Melnitz: I don't think so.
Janine Melnitz: No. It didn't just stop working and it doesn't just need toner! It literally exploded... after it screamed obscenities at me.
[long pause]
Janine Melnitz: No, I don't think the nature of our business has anything at all to do with whether or not you honor your product's warranty.

Ghostbusters II (1989)
Janine Melnitz: It is really a very nice place. Needs a woman's touch.
Louis Tully: [closing the door to Oscar's room] Shh. Bedtime.
Janine Melnitz: You are so great with kids.
Louis Tully: Oh, thanks, I practiced with my hamster.
Janine Melnitz: [holding what it looks like a crystal ball in her hands] So, you live alone?
Louis Tully: I used to have a roommate, but my mom moved to Florida.
Janine Melnitz: Why don't you come here and sit with me?
Louis Tully: Okay.
[he moves to the couch Janine is sitting]
Louis Tully: So, you want to play Boggle or Super Mario Bros.?
Janine Melnitz: No. I think motherhood is a very natural instinct.

[at Dana's apartment, Louis and Janine watch the movie "The Lady from Shanghai" on TV]
Janine Melnitz: Is, like, she the killer or what?
Louis Tully: No. That's Rita Hayworth. She was married to Citizen Kane while they were doing this thing. Then right after they finished, she dumped him for some polo player. I don't why beautiful girls love horses so much. Do you love horses?

"Extreme Ghostbusters: Darkness at Noon: Part 1 (#1.1)" (1997)
Roland Jackson: [Roland picks up a device] What's this do?
Dr. Egon Spengler: That's a spectral proto capacitator. It would be known in laymans terms as...
Kylie: [Kylie grabs the device from Roland] ... a ghost beacon.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Correct. By emitting an ultra parasonic frequency, it allows the user to summon a ghost.
Eduardo: Now there's a party waiting to happen.
Dr. Egon Spengler: [Kylie activates the ghost beacon and Egon stops her disactivating it] Um, we don't want any accidents, now.
Janine Melnitz: [coughing] All this equipment and you still don't own a vacuum.
Garrett Miller: [Slimer eats Garrett's candy bar] Speaking of vacumms...

Eduardo: What's up with that weird chick Kylie? She's such a big fan of this ghost stuff so where is she?
Garrett Miller: I think somebody has a deva-vampira.
Eduardo: Oh, yeah right. Scrawny girls who talk to ghoulies really float my boat.
Janine Melnitz: [Janine walks in] Oh, dear. Egon hasn't shown up, has he?
Garrett Miller: No.
Roland Jackson: Haven't seen him.
Eduardo: Maybe he's dead.
Janine Melnitz: He went off by himself last night... to do some ghostbusting.
Garrett Miller: That old geezer? He can bust a gut!
Janine Melnitz: That 'old geezer' has saved this city I don't know how many times.
Garrett Miller: Bite my head off, why don't ya.
Janine Melnitz: It's just that he's let himself go out of shape.
Roland Jackson: Maybe we outta check out the firehouse.

"The Real Ghostbusters: Venkman's Ghost Repellers (#2.27)" (1987)
Janine Melnitz: I think it's sweet, it'll make it more of a family business.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sweet enough to get us all arrested, that's fraud, Peter.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I know! His whole life he's made a living off selling things that don't exist!

"Extreme Ghostbusters: Back in the Saddle: Part 2 (#1.38)" (1997)
Dr. Egon Spengler: I theorize that this entity will keep on ingesting matter until it's size and density achieves critical mass. And then...
Peter Venkman: Yeah, don't tell me. It will let out one colossal burp.
Dr. Egon Spengler: It will most likely become quasi-gravitational.
Ray Stantz: Like a black hole in space. Instead of moving towards matter, all matter will be drawn to 'it'.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Exactly, Ray. It will, in essence, devour everything there is; starting with New York City, then the eastern seaboard, and eventually...
Janine Melnitz: [intercom] Speaking of eating, quick question. Does anybody want yams instead of mashed potatoes?

"The Real Ghostbusters: Moaning Stones (#2.39)" (1987)
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's no good. We need something even more disharmonic - something with no coherence - not the slightest...
Janine Melnitz: Where are we going to find something like -?
Winston Zeddemore: Peter, old buddy. You still have that tape with you, don't you?
Dr. Peter Venkman: You can't be serious! You can't be talking about my -? Oh no!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Oh yes!

"The Real Ghostbusters: Knock, Knock (#2.40)" (1987)
Janine Melnitz: [Slimer's eaten everything in the house] I tried to stop him, I really did. You don't need a receptionist, you need a babysitter, a whole platoon of them!

"Extreme Ghostbusters: The Crawler (#1.11)" (1997)
Kylie Griffin: There's a part of Janine still in there. Let Janine know your true feelings. Go on. You know what I mean.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Um, right.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Janine! It's me! Egon!
Janine Melnitz: Egon...
Dr. Egon Spengler: You must come back! We'll never find another office manager like you!
Kylie Griffin: No, no! Tell her you love her!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Is that appropriate?
Kylie Griffin: Do it!
Janine Melnitz: Janine, I... love you.
Kylie Griffin: You wanna press your lips to hers.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Um... I want... to press my lips... to yours.

"The Real Ghostbusters: Xmas Marks the Spot (#1.13)" (1986)
Janine Melnitz: I want you to know I'm only doing this because of you, and not for C... C... C...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Christmas.
Janine Melnitz: Bah humbug!
Slimer: Yah! Humbug!

"The Real Ghostbusters: The Spirit of Aunt Lois (#2.41)" (1987)
Janine Melnitz: [Peter's aiming his particle thrower at Slimer, who has taken cover behind Janine] Dr. Venkman, don't you dare! There's nothing in my job description about target practice!
Dr. Egon Spengler: [coming in] Peter, stop! This is irrational!
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, Egon, finding the refrigerator empty is irrational. Slime in my shoes is irrational. This will be fun.

"The Real Ghostbusters: Cold Cash and Hot Water (#2.19)" (1987)
[watching the crowd fleeing Madison Square Gardens]
Cabbie: So what do you think we should do?
Janine Melnitz: Can you call in an air strike?

"Extreme Ghostbusters: Eyes of a Dragon (#1.28)" (1997)
Eduardo Rivera: It's a particle.
Kylie Griffin: It's a wave.
Eduardo Rivera: Particle.
Kylie Griffin: Wave.
Eduardo Rivera: The cute little light particles bounce like tiny tennis balls on reflective surfaces. And when the surface ain't flat, they get seriously messed up.
Kylie Griffin: Look, brainiac. Light passes through the glass and gets bent on different bandwidths creating different colors. Can tennis balls do that? Not particles. Waves.
Garrett Miller: Ahh, I recognize that fragrance. Physics 101.
Roland Jackson: Actually, you're both right. Planck's quantum theory stipulates that waves of light sometimes act like particles. While Heisenbergs's uncertainly principle postulates that particles of light or photons display wave-like patterns.
Garrett Miller: Shooting spitballs at boulders, Roland my friend. Never gonna penetrate.
Eduardo Rivera: Yeah, like you get it.
Garrett Miller: Of course, I do. Planck's quantum theory, um... st... stipulates... um... what he said.
Roland Jackson: Look, guys. It's simple. Light is 'both' a particle 'and' a wave.
Janine Melnitz: It's like that stuff that's both a gum and a candy.
[phone rings]
Janine Melnitz: Ghostbusters, now offering physics tutoring at reasonable rates. Suit up, guys.

"Extreme Ghostbusters: Moby Ghost (#1.26)" (1997)
Garrett Miller: What's the matter, Rolster? You look like your gold petfish died.
Roland Jackson: My electronic planner. I can't find it.
Eduardo Rivera: I think I saw it on the kitchen table.
Roland Jackson: That's my digital writing pad.
[Roland reaches under couch where Eduardo's sitting]
Kylie Griffin: Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're a little over-reliant on gadgets and technology?
Roland Jackson: I'm not over-relying on anything. They're just tools to help me organize my life.
Eduardo Rivera: Yeah, well if they were, you would know where your electronic planner is.
Roland Jackson: Very funny.
Garrett Miller: Rolster, you're such a technofreak. You wouldn't last two days on Gilligan's Island.
Roland Jackson: Sure I would. I uplink the modem on my laptop to remote radio bandwidth then I signal an S.O.S. to the passing ship.
Eduardo Rivera: ...okay?
Janine Melnitz: Roland, were you looking for this?
[Janine reveals Roland's electronic planner]
Roland Jackson: Yes! Thank you. Where was it?
Janine Melnitz: Slimer had it. He was trying to make a meal of your screensaver.
Slimer: Sorry.

"The Real Ghostbusters: Slimer, Come Home (#1.4)" (1986)
Dr. Peter Venkman: Slimer would never run away, he's got it too good here.
Janine Melnitz: Oh no?
[reads the note Slimer left]
Janine Melnitz: No one likes me. I'm always doing bad things. I try but I just can't help myself. So it's better if I leave. Goodbye forever, Slimer.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Can I see that?
[takes the note]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You can read this?
Janine Melnitz: I'm a secretary, I can read anything.

"The Real Ghostbusters: When Halloween Was Forever (#1.8)" (1986)
Janine Melnitz: What wonderful goblin costumes! And so authentic! I hope bon-bons are okay.
Janine Melnitz: [after being hurled across the room by the actual goblins dressed up like trick-or-treaters] Let me guess: you're not big on bon-bons.

"The Real Ghostbusters: Citizen Ghost (#1.11)" (1986)
Cynthia Crawford: You must be Janine Melnitz.
Janine Melnitz: Well, if I must, I must, though I'd much rather be Meryl Streep, of course wouldn't we all?