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[Rafiki appears before Timon from a tree
: You! No, no, don't say a word. I know what you're going to say.
: Did you find Hakuna Matata?
: Well, yes, I did! Thank you very much.
: And I am happy. Happy, happy, deliriously happy.
: Ho ha ha! I see. Happy, is it? So, if you're so happy, why do you look so miserable?
: Miserable, you say? Why should I be miserable? Oh, I don't know. Maybe my two best pals in the world deserted me. Heh. They - they've headed off on some heroic mission... . My friends... . are gone.
: And... . my Hakuna Matata went with them! Rafiki
: [smiles and nods
: [points to his head
] Would you mind?
[bows his head down
: [lightly hits him on the head with his stick
: Ay. Thanks. I'm glad we had this talk.
[clicks his tongue at Rafiki and runs off screen
: [to the audience
] My work here is done.
: What exactly did he say? Timon
: [mimicking Rafikki
] Look beyond what you see.
: This is the start of a beautiful acquaintanceship.
: We can't let them feel the love tonight.
: Good night. Timon
: Sleep tight. Pumbaa
: Dream of bedbugs tonight.
: [singing along to opening of "The Lion King"
] What's on the menu? It could be ceviche. It's stinky. Ooh it's Pumbaa. Pumbaa
: I gotta tell you, Timon, that song always gets me, right here. Timon
: Yes, Pumbaa. Well, enough of that.
[fast forwards film with his remote
: Uhh, Timon, what are you doing? Timon
: I'm fast forwarding to the part where we come in. Pumbaa
: But you can't go out of order. Timon
: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote. Pumbaa
: But everyone's gonna get confused.
[picks up his own remote and rewinds film
: We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. Timon
: [fast forwarding
] We're not *in* the beginning of the story. Pumbaa
] Yes we were, the whole time. Timon
: [fast forwarding
] Yeah, but they don't know that. Pumbaa
] Then, why don't we tell them our story?
[Film stops during the hyena attack; Timon and Pumbaa are spooked
: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story? Pumbaa
: Oh, I like the sound of that.
: I see carnivores.
: [about his species
] We're so low on the food chain we're underground!
[Pumbaa, Timon, and Simba are all in a bubbling water hole
: Three pals and no worries, what more could you want?
[all sigh relaxingly
] Ah, I'm bushed.
[while getting out of water hole
: I think I'll turn in for the night.
: I'm out! Simba
: Right behind ya!
: Everything the light touches... . belongs to someone else! Timon
: Funny, I thought you were going in a whole different direction.
: [about a familiar log under the moon
] I'm going to get old walking across this thing.
: Timon the sentry? Why don't you save the hyenas the trouble and kill me now? JUST KILL ME NOW! Timon
: [to Mom
] He has a point. Mom
: All you have to do is watch for hyenas and yell if you see one. Look at Iron Joe. Iron Joe
: [camera pans over to Iron Joe
] DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T LOOK AWAY! SOMEBODY'S GONNA GUARD US! SOMEBODY'S GONNA PROTECT US!
: [camera pans over to Timon
] Well, now I'm convinced... .
: I uh, I guess I owe everyone an apology. All right so I made a teensy mistake, like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before uh-haha come on, let me have a show of hands! Ooook.
: And so with my spirits high I boldy ventured off where no meerkat had dared to go before. I put my past behind me Ha! and never looked back.
: Mommy, Mommy! What am I doing? Which way should I go?
: How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey, right on cue. Pumbaa
: Well, you know what they say: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." Timon
: That's it. No more fortune-cookies for you!
: Let's go Pumbaa. I think the storm's coming to a head.
[in the background the clouds are shaping to form Mufasa's head
: Get a load of the monkey getting all Existential on me.
: Just eat me now and please make it fast, I have a low threshold for pain.
: It was a wonderful phrase. It has some rhythm. Laduda Ladada. No, that wasn't it.
[Timon and Pumbaa have found their dream home; Timon is talking to himself, Pumbaa is making a celebration supper
: The monkey was right! We found it! The perfect life! Pumbaa
: I'll just whip up a little something. Timon
: He had the perfect name for it, too. Pumbaa
: Come and get it! Timon
: [sits at a rock
] Such a wonderful phrase. It had this rhythm. Laduda Ladada. Pumbaa
: Try this - hot tuna frittata. Timon
: Hmm. No, that's not it. Pumbaa
: The spinach armada. Timon
: Quiet, Pumbaa. I'm trying to think. Pumbaa
: A spoon of ricotta. Timon
: Two words. Pumbaa
: A wormy piccata. Timon
: Six syllables. Pumbaa
: Kahuna colada. Timon
: Twelve letters. Pumbaa
: A blue enchilada. Timon
: Rhymes with... . Pumbaa
: Legumes on a platter. Timon
: Think, think, think. Pumbaa
: [poking a dish
] This oughta be hotta. Timon
: I forget. Pumbaa
: I gotta lambada!
[dances right into Timon
: HEY! How can you dance at a time like this? I'm DYIN' here!... . Ooh, sorry about that, pal. Pumbaa
: Hakuna Matata. Timon
: ....Come again? Pumbaa
: Hakuna Matata - It means "no worries". Ah-ohhhh... .
: We're food for other animals! A moveable feast, feared by no-one and eaten by all! Timon
: But when they die, they become the grass, and we eat the grass, right? Uncle Max
: Not exactly. We can't digest grass. We're grass intolerant.
: It's as if you have some special power. Pumbaa
: Uh, special power? well, it's pretty powerful.
: So, that's your special power? Pumbaa
: You mean, you don't mind? Timon
: Are you kidding? It was a gas!
: Well, I don't like to toot my own horn. Timon
: Yeah, that's probably for the best.
: Now what do we do if we see a hyena? Timon
: Scream, "MOMMY!"
: Waaait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Pumbaa
: Uh, Timon? What are you doin'? Timon
: Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena... . would you do me the honor of becoming... . my bride? Shenzi
: I don't think so! Timon
: Shenzi Marie, please. I know what you're thinking: "We're too different." "It'll never work." "What will the children look like?" Shenzi
: Ooh, that violates so many laws of nature. Timon
: Listen to me! The problems of a couple of wacky kids like us don't amount to hill of termites in this nutty circle-of-life thing. And so I ask you: If not now, when? If not me, who? I'm lonely. Pumbaa
: Can I be your best man? Banzai
: I say we skip the wedding, and go straight to the buffet!
[during the hyena chase, the channel suddenly changes to a shopping channel
: What's going on here? Pumbaa, are you sitting on the remote? Pumbaa
: Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.
: It's coming to me. It's either that slug I ate, or I'm having an epiphany.
[Timon is awaken by Simba singing "I Just Can't Wait to Be King"
: Oh, perfect! We moved into the theater district. Get a load of these guys. Knock it off!
: I am perfectly happy right here. It's remote, private, no unexpected visitors... .
[the shadows of hyenas march across the wall, as the intro to "Be Prepared" plays
: Something tells me that ain't the traveling company of Riverdance.
: Hey Pumbaa, what do you call a hyena with half a brain? Pumbaa
] Beats me, Timon. What? Timon
: Shall we run for our lives? Timon
: Oh yes, let's. Pumbaa
: Friends stick together to the end.
: They say first impressions are very important. Timon
: Oh, I thought you were a "scream".
: That's right, Mister! Because the world out there is fraught, FRAUGHT I tell you!
: Oh, boy. It's the fraught fest. Uncle Max
: They're gonna rip us limb from limb! Timon
] Bravo, Uncle Max! Way'ta sell it to the cheap seats!
[from the movie
: Luau! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meet / Eat my buddy, Pumbaa, here 'cause he's a... .
[Timon pauses the movie
: Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Pumbaa
: Oh, okay.
[Timon pushes next on the remote and it goes to the part where the hyenas chase Timon and Pumbaa
: I'm Timon. Pumbaa
: Pumbaa. Timon
: No, really.
: Well, that worked like a dream. Pumbaa
: It did? Timon
: Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?
: Ahh... . I love the smell of Pumbaa in the morning.
: What this place lacks in water and shade, it makes up for with searing heat and blinding sunshine. Home, sweet home, Pumbaa!
[Timon has brought his family to the oasis
: I gotta hand it to you, Timon. This place has EVERYTHING. Timon
: Well, now that we're all here, it does.
: [is being hugged by his mother
] Ma... . choking... . not breathing... .
[At Simba's presentation ceremony
: Timon, look! Timon
: Hey-ey-ey, it's the monkey! Pumbaa
: What's that he's holding up? Timon
: Aw, who cares? It's not important.
: You seek Hakuna Matata. Timon
: Harpoon a tomato? Rafiki
: Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries". Timon
: Perfect! Mind taking that stick of yours and drawing me a map, bub?
[Rafiki smacks him over the head with his stick
: Who knows why fate led us to little Simba?
[images of Simba scaring Timon run throughout the scene
: Maybe it was my love of adventure, my innate courage, or my... . Okay! Who's in charge of the freeze-frames? Pumbaa
: Sorry. Timon
: Anywho... . Rescuing Simba was a cinch. Then came the real scary part:
: [commenting on his home
] Here we are... from Pride Rock, to the Pit of Shame.
: [about Simba
] He's gone? Whaddaya MEAN he's gone? Nala
: It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned.
[Timon and Pumbaa stare at her blankly
] You guys want me to go over it again? Timon
: Yes please, but be a dear and skip to the part about Simba. Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating! Nala
: OK. Look, Simba's the rightful king, but after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the king and formed an alliance with the hyenas... Pumbaa
] Poor Simba. The treachery, the villainy, the SURE INDESCRIBABLE HORROR! Timon
] Blah blah blah! WHY IS SHE TOYING WITH US? AAH! THIS CRAZY CHICK IS GONNA EAT US! Nala
: [continues to explain
] ... So Simba has to go back to challenge his uncle and reclaim his place as king!
[Silence; Nala doesn't get a reaction from Timon or Pumbaa
] Ohh... don't you get it? Simba NEEDS us! NOW!
[runs off into the jungle
] Hy... hy... hy... Shenzi
: Well "Hi" to you too! Shenzi
: [smacks Timon, who goes rolling down a hill and bumps into Uncle Max
] Uncle Max
: This no time for horseplay Timon! You're suppose to be up there looking out for...
[sees the hyenas approaching
] Uncle Max
: Watch where you aim that morning breath. That should come with a warning label. Ooh. What a wake up call. Simba
] Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the warthog. What's the matter, paps? Had a little too much Hakuna Matata? Timon
: Sonny boy, I invented Hakuna Matata. Simba
: Oh, yeah? Well, I perfected it. Timon
: Sure, you did. Sure, you did.
: What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
: [about "Hakuna Matata"
] It's our motto. Young Simba
: What's a motto? Timon
: Nothing. What's a motto with you?
: Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat him. And everybody's okay with this?
[jumps up suddenly
] Did I miss something?
: [caged while the battle rages around him
] Let me out! Let me out! Timon
: [fleeing the hyenas
] Lemme in! Lemme in!
[Timon and Zazu are cornered by hyenas
: Please don't eat me. Pumbaa
: Drop 'em! Banzai
: Hey! Who's the pig? Pumbaa
: Are you talkin' to me? Timon
: Uh-oh, they called him a pig. Pumbaa
: Are you talking to *me*? Timon
: Ya shouldn't have done that. Pumbaa
: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? Timon
: Now they're in for it. Pumbaa
: THEY CALL ME MR. PIG!
[Charging towards the Hyenas
: [of the decimated Pride Rock
] We're gonna fight your uncle... for this? Adult Simba
: Yes, Timon. This is my home. Timon
: Whoa. Talk about your fixer-upper.
: And if he falls / In love tonight / It can be assumed... Pumbaa
: His carefree days / With us are history. Timon
: In short, our pal / Is doomed!
[Timon and Pumbaa both start crying
: [to Nala, after she accidentally surprises him
] Don't ever do that again! Carnivores, ugh!
: Hey, Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there? Timon
: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know. Pumbaa
: Oh. What are they? Timon
: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing. Pumbaa
: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away. Timon
: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.
: Gee. He looks blue. Pumbaa
: I'd say brownish-gold. Timon
: No, no, no. I mean he's depressed. Pumbaa
: Your Majesty. I gravel at your feet.
[starts kissing Simba's feet
] Adult Simba
: Stop that. Timon
: It's not gravel, it's grovel.
: [Trying to push Pumbaa, whose stuck under a log, while running away from a Lioness
] Why do I always have to save your... Ahhh!
: Geez! It's a lion! Run, Pumbaa! Move it! Pumbaa
: Hey, Timon, it's just a *little* lion. Look at him. He's so cute and all alone! Can we keep him? Timon
: Pumbaa, are you nuts? We're talking about a lion; Lions eat guys like us! Pumbaa
: But he's so little. Timon
: He's gonna get bigger. Pumbaa
: Maybe he'll be on our side. Timon
: A - huh! That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Maybe he'll b-... Hey, I got it! What if he's on our side? You know, having a lion around might not be such a bad idea.
: Who's the brains in this outfit? Pumbaa
: Uh... Timon
: My point exactly.
: I saved you.
: Pumbaa helped... a little.
: So where you from? Young Simba
: Who cares? I can't go back. Timon
: Ah, you're an outcast! That's great. So are we.
: I'm telling you, kid: this is the great life. No rules, no responsibilities...
[he reaches into a hole in a log and various insects skitter out, with him holding a blue bug; he points to the rest of the insects
: Ooh! The little cream-filled kind!
: Well... Timon
: Yeah? Adult Simba
: Somebody once told me that the great kings of the past are up there, watching over us. Pumbaa
: Really? Timon
: You mean a bunch of royal dead guys are watching us?
: Lady, have you got your lions crossed!
: Let me get this straight. You're the king? And you never told us? Adult Simba
: Look, I'm still the same guy. Timon
: But with power! Nala
: Could you guys excuse us for a few minutes? Timon
: Hey, whatever she has to say, she can say in front of us. Right, Simba? Adult Simba
: Mm... Maybe you'd better go. Timon
: It starts. You think you know a guy...
[Timon and Pumbaa leave
] Adult Simba
: Timon and Pumbaa. You learn to love 'em.
: This looks like a good spot to rustle up some grub. Young Simba
: What's that? Timon
: A grub. What's it look like?
[Timon eats the grub
] Young Simba
: Ewwwww, gross. Timon
: Tastes like chicken.
: [to Young Simba
] You know, kid, in times like this my buddy Timon here says: you got to put your behind in your past. Timon
: No, no, no. Amateur. Lie down before you hurt yourself. It's "You got to put your past behind you."
] And I got down-hearted. Timon
: How did you feel? Pumbaa
: Every time that I... Timon
: [clapping Pumbaa's mouth shut
] Hey, Pumbaa, not in front of the kids. Pumbaa
: [Faces the camera
] Oh. Sorry.
: What'd ya do, kid? Young Simba
: Something terrible. But I don't wanna talk about it. Timon
: Good. We don't wanna hear about it.
] Luau! / If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat / Eat my buddy Pumbaa here, / 'Cause he is a treat / Come on down and dine / On this tasty swine/ All you hafta do is get in line. / Arrrre you achin'... Pumbaa
: Yup, yup, yup. Timon
: Forrrr some bacon? Pumbaa
: Yup, yup, yup. Timon
: He's a big pig. Pumbaa
: Yup, yup. Timon
: You can be a big pig, too. Oy!
: Look, kid. Bad things happen, and you can't do anything about it. Right? Young Simba
: Right. Timon
: Wrong! When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world.
: I'm so hungry I could eat a whole zebra. Timon
: Ah-ha, we're fresh out of zebra. Young Simba
: Any antelope? Timon
: Nah-ah. Young Simba
: Hippo? Timon
: Nope. Listen kid: if you live with us, you're gonna have to eat like us.
[Watching Simba and Nala
: I tell ya, Pumbaa, this stinks! Pumbaa
: Oh, sorry. Timon
: Not you, THEM! Him... Her... alone.
: Kid, what's eatin' ya? Timon
: Nothing, he's at the top of the food chain!
: The food chain!
] I can see what's happening. Pumbaa
: What? Timon
] And they don't have a clue. Pumbaa
: Who? Timon
] They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line: / Our trio's down to two. Pumbaa
: Oh. Timon
[sarcastic, with French accent
: The sweet caress of twilight.
[normal voice, but still sarcastic
: There's magic everywhere. / And with all this romantic atmosphere, / Disaster's in the aiiiiiiir!
: Hyenas. I hate hyenas. So what's the plan for getting past those guys? Adult Simba
: Live bait. Timon
: Good idea.
[realizes what he means
: Repeat after me.
: Hakuna Matata. Young Simba
: What? Pumbaa
] Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries".
: [seeing a red beetle
] These are rare delicacies.
[takes it and eats it
: He comes with a very pleasant crunch.
: Have you guys seen Simba? Timon
: I thought he was with you. Nala
: He was but now I can't find him. Where is he?
[We hear Rafiki's laugh. He's sitting in a tree above them
] You won't find him here. The king... has returned. Nala
: I can't believe it. He's gone back! Timon
: Gone back? What do you mean?
[He looks to the tree. Rafiki has disappeared
: Hey! What's going on here? Who's the monkey? Nala
: Simba's gone back to challenge Scar. Timon
: Who? Nala
: Scar. Pumbaa
: Who's got a scar? Nala
: No, no, no. It's his uncle. Timon
: The monkey's his uncle? Nala
: No! Simba's gone back to challenge his uncle to take his place as king. Timon
: Nala? Is it really you? Nala
: Who are you? Adult Simba
: It's me, Simba. Nala
[he nods. Nala was elated to see him
[they bud their heads
: How did you... Adult Simba
: How did you...
[Timon stood there surprised and speechless
] Adult Simba
: Wow! Nala
: Where did you come from? Adult Simba
: This is gr... It's great to see you! Timon
: Hey, what's goin' on here? Adult Simba
: What are you doing here? Nala
: What do you mean what am I doing here? What are you doing here? Timon
: Hey! What's goin' on here?
: Wait till everyone finds out you've been here all this time. And your mother, what will she think? Adult Simba
: She doesn't have to know. Nobody has to know. Nala
: Of course they do. Everyone thinks you're dead. Adult Simba
: They do. Nala
: Yeah. Scar told us about the stampede. Adult Simba
: He did? What else did he tell you? Nala
: What else matters? You're alive. And that means, you're the king. Timon
: King? Pbbfft. Lady, have you got your lions crossed!
: Timon, this is Nala. She's my best friend. Timon
: Friend? Adult Simba
: Yeah. Hey, Pumbaa, come over here. Pumbaa
: Huh? Adult Simba
: Nala, this is Pumbaa. Pumbaa, Nala. Pumbaa
: Please to make your acquaintance. Nala
: The pleasure is all mine. Timon
: How do you do?
: [to Pumbaa
] It's not gravel, it's grovel. And don't. He's not the king
: Are ya? Adult Simba
: No. Nala
: Simba. Adult Simba
: No, I'm not the king. Maybe I was gonna be but that was a long time ago.
: That's not a king. That's a fuzzy maraca!
[Rehearsing speaking to Simba
: The good news is, we found your daughter. The bad news is, we dropped a warthog on her.
: Pumbaa, let me define BABY-SITTING!
[Kiara and Kovu are running with Timon and Pumbaa
: Why are we doing this? What's the point of this training? Kiara
: Training? This is just for fun! Kovu
: Fun? Timon
: Yeesh! You need to get out more. Fun! Yee-ha!
[Being chased by lions
: What do we do now? Timon
: Remember our motto: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going!" Pumbaa
: Wait a minute, I thought our motto was "Hakuna Matata". Timon
: Pumbaa, stop living in the past. We need a new motto!
[Timon and Pumbaa are surrounded by Lions
: [holding Pumbaa's tail
] Don't anybody move! This things loaded... I'll let you have it!
: Will somebody please just listen to me? Timon
: I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Did you say something, Princess?
[Kovu pounces, only to realize Timon is there
: AHHH! Don't eat me, please! I... I never really met your tyrant, I mean, uh, Scar! Scar, oh heck of a guy. A little moody, but... Kiara
: Timon, what are you doing here? Timon
: Kiara! Thank goodness! Oh. Hey, for once, we're not following you. This just happens to be the best smorgasbord in the Pride Lands! Bugs everywhere! But, you don't call for a reservation and... yeesh!
[Timon and Pumbaa are fighting
: What are you doing? Pumbaa
: Ahh! Timon
: Good question. Uh, let me ask you one. Pumbaa
: Hippothetically. Timon
: Very hypothetically. There's this guy... Pumbaa
: But he's not a lion... Timon
: No. No, he's not a lion. Yeesh, definitely not a lion... and uh... uh, his daughter, um, say... vanished?
: I thought you were gonna watch her Timon
: No, *you* were going to watch her. Pumbaa
: Watch this!
: Take that, you creepy warthog! Say it, fat! Fatty fat fat.
: It's over, Simba! I have dreamed of nothing else for years! Timon
: [speaking to himself
] Boy, does she need a hobby.
: [he and Pumbaa narrowly escape being trampled by a herd of antelope
] This must be where the deer and the antelope play!
: I want you to keep a close watch on Kiara. You know she's bound to run off. Timon
: No worries, Simba. We're on her like stink on a warthog. Pumbaa
: Hey! Timon
: It's the hard truth, Pumbaa. Live with it.
: Zira. Zira
: Simba. Zira
: Nala. Nala
: Zira. Timon
: Timon, Pumbaa. Great, Now that we all know each other, Get out of our Pride Lands!
: Hey! Wait! I have an Idea.
[he jumps off of Pumbaa
: What if he helps? Pumbaa
: What? Timon
: [to Kovu
] You wanna lend a voice? Huh? Grr... gr... Roar! Work with me! Kovu
: Huh? Kiara
: Like this.
[she rawrs. The birds were scattered
: Wooo hoo! Come on, do it again! Do it again! Timon
: [Kovu rawrs making the birds scatter even more
: [Timon and Pumbaa scream as the antelope were running past them
] This must be where the deer and the antelope play.
[they both scream again but towards Kiara
: Timon, what are you doing here? Timon
: Shopping! We thought a nice pelt for the den, some throw pillows, a little potpourri... Kiara
: My father sent you. After he promised to let me do this on my own. He lied! Timon
: No. He just doesn't want you to get hurt. Kiara
: I should have known he'd never give me a real chance. I'll do this on my own! Away from the Pride Lands.
[she runs further away from Timon and Pumbaa
: Hey! Wait! Come back! Pumbaa
: Come back here! Kiara!
[they chase after Kiara
: Kiara, come back! She's gone again. Somebody's gotta get a beeper for this kid.
: Ah, Pumba. Look at that little guy! A chip off the old block. And you gotta know who's gonna raise him. Pumbaa
: His parents? Timon
: Okay, sure. Get technical. But who's gonna teach him the real important stuff? Like how to belch.
: And dig for grubs. I'm telling you, buddy, it's gonna be like old times. You, me and the little guy. Rafiki
] It is a girl. Timon
: Girl. Timon
: Girl? Oy.
[They both faint
: What are you doing? Timon
: Good question. Let me ask you one. Pumbaa
: Hypothetically. Timon
: Very hypothetical. There's this guy... Pumbaa
: But he's not a lion. Timon
: No! No, he's not a lion. Definitely not a lion! And his daughter, say, vanished. Simba
: Kiara's gone? Zazu
: Sire, the Outsiders are on the attack, heading this way. It's war! Simba
: Zazu, find Kiara.
[to Timon and Pumbaa
: We'll assemble the lionesses. Move now.
: Pumbaa, we're trapped in a crate! Pumbaa
: Well, that's one way to say it, Timon. Another way would be to say, "We're contaminated in a receptical or wooden slacks."
: Gee, if there's one thing that makes an animal impossible to eat, it's the ability to speak. Timon
: Poppycock! Speedy the Snail
: Hold your horses now, kid. I can sing too.
] Speedy the Snail
: Shooby-dooby-doo! Timon
: Oh, crud! Now we definitely can't eat him!
: I got it! We'll call you Speedy! Speedy the Snail! How do you like that juxtaposition? Giving a snail, a noticeably slow creature, the name, Speedy, huh?
: Uh, Timon? I just thought of something. What if someone else tries to eat him? Timon
: Like who? We're in a box! It's not like we're in France where snails are considered a delicacy. Culinary Quint
: [opens up the box
] Exclamacion! C'est le snail with the gumdrop eyes and a curly-cue shell! Tres delicious! Timon
: Oh, no-no-no-no-no! He is with us! Culinary Quint
: How dare you oppose moi, Culinary Quint, le most circular and roboscular, full-bodied shape in all of Toute-la-France! Pumbaa
: Where are we? Timon
: We're in France, where snails are considered a delicacy.
: I want a snail! Raw! And by that, I mean uncooked, meaning still alive! Culinary Quint
: You want a snail raw? Uncooked? Still alive? Timon
: Yes. With cute little gumdrop eyes and a swirly, curly-cue shell. Pumbaa
: And his name is Speedy!
[Timon pounds Pumbaa in the coat
: Oww! Uh, I mean his name isn't Speedy!
[Timon kicks Pumbaa a few times
: I mean, I didn't say anything.
[Quint gives Timon an evil glare
] I am a human.
: Hey! You're the Pumbaa de Milo! Pumbaa
: This is no time for comedy, Pumbaa! Our bestest new pal, Speedy, is still in life-threatening danger!
: Waiter, there's a fly in my friend's soup! I want one too! Hey, Simba, what did you get in your soup? Simba
: Waiter. There's a fly in my friend's soup. I want one too. Hey, Simba, what did you get in your soup? Simba
['How to Beat the High Costa Rica' Timon and Pumbaa are trapped by Criminal Quint
: He's gonna hurt us! Timon, ou gotta do something! Timon
] What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
[Timon curtly does the hula
] I don't think that would work on this kind of situation.
['How to Beat the High Costa Rica'] [last lines
: [suspiciously, about Timon paying for the stuff on the beach
] Are you sure you did the right thing and returned the money, Timon? Timon
: Of course I did, Pumbaa. That's why they gave me such a big reward. Pumbaa
] But this looks like exactly $1,290,000 worth of stuff. Timon
: Isn't it ironic? That was the exact amount of the reward!
[a police siren is heard
[home movie of Timon's one-man show
: Is this thing on? Is this thing on? Hey, I know you're out there; I can hear you swallowing a lower life form!
['Guatemala Malarkey'] [last lines
: [as Pumbaa gets angry at Timon for not finding gold
] Pumbaa, there's just one thing that frightens me more than mummy beetles and curses. Pumbaa
] And what is that? Timon
: [loses it
] An angry warthog!
[Timon screams as the screen goes black
: Hey there! Welcome to the jungle. So, what do you wanna do?
: Don't worry, ladies. Me and Pumbaa have everything under control. Pumbaa
: Timon's right. We used to help Simba get his claws out of logs all the time. Kiara
: And you're sure about this? Timon
: Sure I'm sure. If it weren't for us, your dad would still be stuck to a tree somewhere.
['Pain in Spain' at the bull stadium
: [confused at two Pumbaas
] Pumbaa, if you're Pumbaa, then what Pumbaa is that Pumbaa? Pumbaa
: El Toro!
[Timon and Pumbaa both scream as El Toro runs after them
] I won't cry. Pumbaa
] You won't cry? Timon
: [spoken at first, then sung
] No! I won't shed a tear. Pumbaa
: Shed a tear? Timon
: Just as long - as you stand, stand by me.
: Excuse me. Did anyone order a blue-butt baboon? Because I ain't eatin' it.
[from 'Puttin' on the Brits'
] Baby Fox
: Rats, outfoxed by a hound again! Timon
: [furiously, picks the fox up by the scruff
] Wait just a minute! You mean to tell me that this was just a stupid game of tag?!
[the fox smiles and quickly nods
: Ah, can it. Your news is older than Rafiki. Timon
: Ooh hoo ha! Older than Rafiki! Ha ha ha!
[Gets clubbed on the head by Rafiki
] Clarabelle Cow
: Uh... I have other big news. Mortimer Mouse
: What? That Snow White is the farest of them all? Timon
: He he he!
[Gets clubbed on the head by the Wicked Queen
: [Gets angry
] Pig? Timon
: Uh oh. Pumbaa
: Are you talking about me? Timon
: He called him a pig. Pumbaa
] Are you talking about me? Timon
: Shouldn't have done that. Pumbaa
] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? Timon
: Now you are in for it. Pumbaa
: THEY CALL ME... MISTER PIG!
[Pumbaa goes berserk and knocks the cheetahs into a tree