Barney Rubble
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Quotes for
Barney Rubble (Character)
from "The Flintstones" (1960)

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The Flintstones (1994)
Barney Rubble: You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
Fred Flintstone: [skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!
Barney Rubble: I won't tell her, Fred.
Fred Flintstone: [relieved] Thanks, pal.

Fred Flintstone: I'm only one man.
Barney Rubble: Not from the back.

Fred Flintstone: I just want my old job back and my old life.
Barney Rubble: Hey, Fred.
[waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]
Fred Flintstone: Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.

Grizzled Man: Wait, do you know this guy?
Barney Rubble: Know him? He used to be my best friend. Heck, if it weren't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
Grizzled Man: Thanks for telling us. We could've made a very big mistake. Hang both of them!

[Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]
Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?
Barney Rubble: Yeah.
Fred Flintstone: That one's yours.
[Barney chases Dino]

Barney Rubble: It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
Barney Rubble: Yeah sure, but...
Barney Rubble: [realizes what he said] Hey!

Mrs. Pyrite: Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
[Presents Bamm-Bamm]
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?
Fred Flintstone: [aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
Wilma Flintstone: Fred!
Betty Rubble: Does he have a name?
Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm.
Barney Rubble: Is that short for something?
Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild Mastadons. Ha ha ha.
Betty Rubble, Barney Rubble: Mastadons?
Mrs. Pyrite: Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.

[after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]
Fred Flintstone: Barney, quick, what's my name?
Barney Rubble: Fred Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone: Don't toy with me, Barn.

Barney Rubble: So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
Fred Flintstone: No, simply Your Highness will do.

Barney Rubble: Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?
Fred Flintstone: ...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.

Barney Rubble: [On Fred's first day of being a VP] Well, guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.
Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn.
Barney Rubble: Yeah, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.
Barney Rubble: You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.

Betty Rubble: You know, Barney, life is funny. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves.
Barney Rubble: You too, huh?
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, they've changed. I hardly know them since Fred's become a big shot.
Barney Rubble: And it should be us squanderin' all our money and treatin' our friends like dirt.
Betty Rubble: What do you mean?
Barney Rubble: Nothin'. Just sour grapes, I guess.
Betty Rubble: Don't worry, Barney. It's gonna get better. One day, we'll look back on all this, and we'll laugh.
Barney Rubble: Gee, I hope so, Betty, 'cause tomorrow they got me testing shark repellent.
[they both grimace]

Barney Rubble: You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone: What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.

Barney Rubble: Fred, did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
Fred Flintstone: Yep! A few hours ago, I sent them all off on a nice, long vacation.
Barney Rubble: You mean a permanent vacation?
[to Wilma and Betty]
Barney Rubble: He fired them!
Wilma: Fred! How could you?
Fred Flintstone: I didn't do that!
Barney Rubble: You did, too! It's all over the TV!
Wilma: Fred!
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, who are you gonna believe? Me or some busboy?
Betty Rubble: That busboy is your best friend!
Fred Flintstone: Best friend? Best friend? I lost my best friend the day I became an executive! He's just jealous of my hard-earned success!
Barney Rubble: Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan, huh? How about supply and demand? Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
Fred Flintstone: I didn't come here to talk business, I'm out with my wife! Now... get me a clean spoon.
Barney Rubble: That does it. The only reason you got that job, is because I switched tests with you.
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney!
Fred Flintstone: Oh, ho-ho! That's rich! What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score in the quarry?
Barney Rubble: Think about it, Fred.
Betty Rubble: Oh, finally. It all makes sense.
Wilma: You don't believe this, do you?
Betty Rubble: Are you calling my husband a liar?
Wilma: Now, this has gone far enough. After everything that we've done for you. We took you into our home.
Betty Rubble: Oh, yes? So, you can show off every chance you've got.
[Wilma gasps]
Betty Rubble: You used to be such nice people, but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Mmm!
Fred Flintstone: Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
[Betty gasps]
Betty Rubble: [to Barney] Come on, Barney. We are moving out, tonight!
Barney Rubble: Hang on, Betty... I forgot to punch-out.
[Barney punches Fred in the face]

Barney Rubble: It's okay, little guy. I'm your da-da.

Bamm-Bamm: Hi, da-da!
[Pebbles notices to him and gasps]
Barney Rubble: You did it! You called me da-da!
[bonked him in the head]
Fred Flintstone: Ooh! Barney, you lunkhead!

Hoagie: Waka-waka-woo!
Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, Joe Rockhead: Waka-waka-woo!
Hoagie: Wooga-wooga-wee!
Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, Joe Rockhead: Wooga-wooga wee! Piki-piki-piki, Poki-poki-poki!
[They howling and guests brought the giant cup of lava juice]
Hoagie: Lava juice!

"The Flintstones: Alvin Brickrock Presents (#2.4)" (1961)
Fred Flintstone: [playing cards] Barney, what would you do if you were holding the queen alone?
Barney Rubble: I don't know, Fred, it all depends on what time the king gets home.

Wilma Flintstone: I didn't know there was a fight scheduled.
Barney Rubble: Are you kidding? Tonight's for the championship, oooohh it should be a real grudge boat.
Betty Rubble: Heavyweight or lightweight?
Barney Rubble: Both, a heavyweight vs. a lightweight.
Wilma Flintstone: Why're you putting the chairs over there by the window? The TV set's here.
Fred Flintstone: This is not on TV, it's a closed circuit.
Betty Rubble: But who's fighting?
Barney Rubble: The new neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Brickrock.

Fred Flintstone: I wouldn't miss tonight's fight for anything. Those two have been putting on the greatest fight of the century. Last night's bout was a doozy. Did you hear all that screaming and shrieking and that high voice?
Barney Rubble: Yeah, I thought he'd never stop.
Betty Rubble: That's terrible, you mean that meek little man hits his wife?
Fred Flintstone: No, in the last three rounds he never laid a glove on her, he's strictly a defensive fighter.
Barney Rubble: Yeah, you'd think she'd let him win once in a while to keep his interest.

Wilma Flintstone: It's funny how little you know about your neighbors; what really goes on behind closed doors.
Betty Rubble: We don't even know what business he's in, and they've been living in that big old gloomy house for a whole week.
Fred Flintstone: You never see that Brickrock guy going to work, do you think he's retired?
Barney Rubble: No Fred, the lights are still on.
Fred Flintstone: I mean what kind of work is he out of?
Barney Rubble: Well did you see some of those spooky crates and boxes?
Fred Flintstone: What do you mean spooky? What's spooky about crates and boxes?
Barney Rubble: Shaped like coffins?

Fred Flintstone: [at Barney's window] Psst, hey Barney, Barney!
Barney Rubble: Hey Fred, what're you doing in the middle of my begonias in the middle of the night?

Fred Flintstone: Don't you see? Our neighbor Alvin Brickrock, he borrowed my shovel! He could be a vicious monster! A diabolocal fiend!
Barney Rubble: Well Fred, you haven't returned my lawn mower and I don't feel that way about you.

Barney Rubble: [looking into Alvin Brickrock's home and finding a dinosaur skeleton] What a gloomy place this is.
Barney Rubble: Your suspicions were correct, Fred, there she is, Agatha Brickrock, with her outside removed.
Fred Flintstone: That's not Agatha, that's a mastadon.
Barney Rubble: A whatsadon?
Fred Flintstone: A big thing with a lumpy body, thick legs, a big nose, flappy ears and tusks.
Barney Rubble: Sounds like Agatha to me.

Barney Rubble: I have a question. What are you, some kind of a radical?
Alvin Brickrock: What do you mean?
Barney Rubble: Your name isn't Alvin Brickrock. It's Archie Oogley.
Fred Flintstone: Archie Oogley?
Barney Rubble: Yeah. Just like it says right here, on this book.
[Book title is Archaeology]

The Flintstones Meet Rockula and Frankenstone (1979) (TV)
Fred Flintstone: [watching the monster bash from above on the second floor] You know, Barney, it's a good thing they're supplying the costumes. I wouldn't know what to wear to a monster bash.
Barney Rubble: [laughs] In your case, Fred, a monster bash is a come-as-you-are party.
Fred Flintstone: I'm warning ya, Barn,
[points to the first floor]
Fred Flintstone: that's a 30 foot drop.

Betty Rubble: [Fred thinks Wilma went to Betty and Barney's room] No, Fred, Wilma didn't come in here.
Fred Flintstone: That's funny, she's not in our room.
Barney Rubble: Well if she's not in your room and she's not in our room, where could she be?
Fred Flintstone: I don't know, Barn, she's gotta be somewhere in this creepy hotel.

Betty Rubble: Where are we?
Barney Rubble: Looks like the basement.
Fred Flintstone: With those weirdoes running around, maybe Wilma came down here to hide.

Wilma Flintstone: [about the mummy case] It's lucky I hid in here because I discovered something fantastic, look, a secret stairway!
Fred Flintstone: That could lead us out of here!
Barney Rubble: Hey, good idea, while Rocky and Franky are down here looking for us, we'll be upstairs making our escape!
Fred Flintstone: Right, let's go!

Fred Flintstone: Wilma, Betty, quick move away! You're standing on a trap door!
Wilma and Betty: [jump off] Huh?
Barney Rubble: We fell through it before, ZOOM, right down to the secret lab.
Wilma Flintstone: A trap door leading down to the secret lab? How did you get out?
Fred Flintstone: We climbed through this big window we saw down there.
Wilma Flintstone: Uh huh and where did the window lead TO?
Fred Flintstone: Where does any window lead to? It leads to outside, out to the castle grounds. Uh oh, hold on everybody, I got a plan.
Wilma Flintstone: I knew you would, Fred.
Fred Flintstone: Why don't we take the trap door down to the lab and escape from the castle?

Wilma Flintstone: [hears something howling] Sounds like wolves howling out there!
Fred Flintstone: Impossible, Wilma, the guide book says there are no wolves in Rocksylvania.
Igor: Those are verevolves.
Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, Betty Rubble, Wilma Flintstone: [imitating his enunciation] Verevolves?

Gladys: Ja?
Fred Flintstone: Hehe, hi there. We're the Flintstones and the Rubbles.
Gladys: You are who?
Barney Rubble: I'll handle this, Fred. Uh, Ma'am, we're the Flintshteins and da Roobuls.

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000)
Fred Flintstone: Hey, was that an insult?
Gazoo: Well, if the shoe fits...
Barney Rubble: What's a shoe?
Gazoo: Than I guess it *was* an insult.

Fred Flintstone: My name is Fred Flintstone. F-L-I-N...
Barney Rubble: T
Fred Flintstone: Stone

Barney Rubble: [defending Fred to everyone after he's been accused of robbery] Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute! You're all making a big mistake. Fred couldn't have stolen that necklace. It was locked up in a safe... Fred can't even remember the combination to his bowling locker. Look, he's gotta write it down on his hand, see?
[lifts Fred's hand up in the air where the combination is written]
Fred Flintstone: [jerks away] Aw, great. Now, everybody's seen it.
Barney Rubble: Huh. Crack a safe? He couldn't even crack his knuckles without my help.
Chip Rockefeller: Thank you, Mr. Rubble, for confessing to being Mr. Flintstone's accomplice.
Barney Rubble: You're welcome.
[pauses and realizes]
Barney Rubble: What?
Chip Rockefeller: Take them both away!
[the officers takes Fred and Barney to jail, Everybody cheers]

Chip Rockefeller: Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that there is a criminal in our midst...
[Everybody gasps]
Chip Rockefeller: But, before I expose him into the public. I'd like to give him a chance to step forward that admit his wrong doing only to take his first tiny step towards absolution.
Towel Confessor: [sobs] I stole all the towels in my room!
Chip Rockefeller: Well, that is illegal! But, still...
Underwear Confessor: I'm wearing someone else's underwear!
[Everybody gasps and groans]
Chip Rockefeller: No! I was talking about a...
Dinosaur Confessor: I'm systematically poisoning the dinosaurs water supply! In a matter of decades, their entire species will be extinct!
[Everybody laughs]
Chip Rockefeller: All right! This is obviously going nowhere. No, I was talking about a necklace. A very valuable necklace has been stolen from our hotel safe. A necklace belonging to my dear... dear friend, Wilma Slaghoople.
Wilma Slaghoople: My pearls?
Betty O'Shale: Wilma!
Fred Flintstone: All right, who did it? So, help me. If you don't step forward right now, I'll personally punch you in the...
Chip Rockefeller: I don't think violence would be necessary, Flintstone. Because, I know exactly, who stole Wilma's pearls... A desperate man drowning and gambling debts.
Fred Flintstone: Low-life!
Dinosaur Confessor: Hey! Doesn't anybody care about this whole dinosaurs becoming extinct thing?
Chip Rockefeller, Wilma Slaghoople, Betty O'Shale, Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, Mick Jagged, Roxie: NO!
[Dinosaur Confessor walks away]

Gazoo: I come from a planet too far for you to fathom and a civilization too advanced for you to comprehend.
Barney Rubble: Wait a minute, Fred. I bet, we get wishes!
Gazoo: Pardon?
Barney Rubble: Yeah. We let you out of the fancy bottle and now we get wishes, right?
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, Barney's right. Let's get this started. What do we have to rub?
Gazoo: Nahan, I'm not some sort of friendly cartoon Genie. And that is not a bottle, it is a spacecraft. I'm of a highly evolved alien species. I don't do funny voices, I don't sing catchy songs and i do not posess a magic carpet for your big bloated behinds to float upon! I'm here to observe your species mating rituals. Ok, Dum-Dums?

Barney Rubble: Cranes got trouble, just call Barney Rubble.

A Flintstone Christmas (1977) (TV)
Barney Rubble: [drops a coin in the collection pot] Ho ho ho, and a Merry Christmas my good man.
Salvation Army Santa: Ho ho ho, and a Merry Christmas to you.
Fred Flintstone: A few more of those ho ho hos and you'll be bro-o-oke for Christmas.
Barney Rubble: Well I just can't say no to Santa Claus.
Fred Flintstone: You know those guys in the red suits aren't the real Santa Claus.
Barney Rubble: I wouldn't say that Fred, he's here, he's there, he's everywhere.

Betty Rubble: [seeing the tree that Fred's stuck on] Oh it is a beautiful tree!
Barney Rubble: [laughs] Especially that fat little ornament.
Fred Flintstone: Very funny, Barney, now get me down.
Barney Rubble: Okay Fred, okay, but don't forget your Christmas spirit.
Fred Flintstone: Oh sure, ho ho ho.

Barney Rubble: [Fred hangs up an ornament] I wouldn't hang it there, Fred.
Fred Flintstone: 'I wouldn't hang it there, Fred', why not?
[tree starts to fall]
Barney Rubble: Don't look now but here comes the 'why not?'
[tree falls on Fred]
Barney Rubble: Quick thinking, Fred, you broke the tree's fall.
Fred Flintstone: Barney, get me out of here!

Barney Rubble: [singing] But just to be sure I want to choose them all, cuz one is the really real Santa Claus.

Fred Flintstone: On Jumper, on uh Blunder, on uh Bouncer, on Thunder...
Barney Rubble: Uh Fred, it's on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, now Comet, now Cupid, now Donner, now Blitzen.

"The Flintstones: Fred Goes Ape (#6.16)" (1966)
Fred Flintstone: I'm going down to the drugstore to pick up some of that Scram.
Barney Rubble: It's kind of late, Fred; maybe we should go in the morning.
[Fred sneezes, knocking Barney into the wall]
Barney Rubble: OK, Fred. I can take a hint. We'll go now.

Barney Rubble: [after visiting the pharmacy, Fred & Barney stop at a restaurant. Fred tells Barney that he should call home to let them know where they are. Barney agrees, but before he can get up Fred sneezes, sending Barney flying into the phone booth] You don't have to get pushy, Fred! I said I'd call!

Fred Flintstone: [Fred & Barney pull up in front of the drugstore] Here we are, Bar...
[Fred sneezes, moving the car backwards]
Barney Rubble: You know, Fred, if we could harness the power in those sneezes, we could forget about paying the electric bill.
Fred Flintstone: Never mind the wisecracks, I need that Scram.

Barney Rubble: [Points to a display table] Look, Fred, enough Scram for an army. Or at least an army of sneezes.
Fred Flintstone: You wouldn't think it was so funny if it happened to...
[Fred sneezes, knocking over the display table]
Barney Rubble: Uh-oh, Fred. I think you just bought a lifetime supply of Scram.

"The Flintstones: The Gruesomes (#5.9)" (1964)
Barney Rubble: [after a flower snarls at him for saving Fred] Must be a tiger lily.

Weirdly Gruesome: Oh yes. Our son Gob is quite the little lad.
Barney Rubble: Gob? Is he a sailor?
Barney Rubble: Oh no. Gob is short for Goblin.
Fred Flintstone: It figures, it figures. Does little Goblin have a pet spider that looks like a derby hat with legs?
Weirdly Gruesome: He did have, but little Gob, shall we say, wore him out.
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, let's say that. Spiders can't take it.
Weirdly Gruesome: Goblin isn't the kind of boy that you don't take to when you first meet him.
Fred Flintstone: I'll buy that.
Weirdly Gruesome: But when you get to know him, you can't stand him!
[laughs evilly]

Barney Rubble: [after a deformed hand came out of a small window in a door, with a voice snarling] Hmm. That's interesting.

Barney Rubble: [watching the Gruesomes arrive in their car, which is a hearse] Hey Fred, what kind of car is that?
Fred Flintstone: That is the kind of car that takes you there but doesn't bring you back.

The Flintstones' New Neighbors (1980) (TV)
Fred Flintstone: Honest, Wilma, vultures and bats, and a dark rain cloud over the roof. They HAD to be taking it to the city dump.
Wilma Flintstone: Vultures and bats? Who'd want to live in a creepy house like that?
Fred Flintstone: I don't know, well whoever they are, I wouldn't want to know them.
Barney Rubble: [knocking] Hey Fred, open up!
Betty Rubble: [Fred opens the door] Wilma, you poor dear, I'm so sorry.
Wilma Flintstone: About what?
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, what do you mean?
Barney Rubble: Oh bad news, Fred, look out the window.
[Fred and Wilma look out the window]
Wilma Flintstone: Fred!
Fred Flintstone: No! Tell me it isn't true!
Wilma Flintstone: [the spooky house is next door to them] That looks like the creepy house you were telling me about!
Fred Flintstone: They must've bought the lot next door!

Barney Rubble: Looks like somebody's moving a house, sheesh what a spooky looking place.
Fred Flintstone: Where do you suppose they're moving it to, the city dump?
Barney Rubble: [thunder crashes, lightning strikes and a vulture laughs] Wow! Did you see that?
Fred Flintstone: [comes back up from hiding] How would you like to have that living next door to you?
Barney Rubble: There goes the neighborhood.

Fred Flintstone: [a long green hairy hand with claws puts out a milk bottle and shuts the door] What the heck was that?
Barney Rubble: Looks like a milk bottle with a note in it.
Fred Flintstone: I know that! I mean the hand, the giant hairy hand!
Betty Rubble: Look! There it is again!
Barney Rubble: Yeah and it's pulling in the clothesline.
Wilma Flintstone: A shirt with 4 sleeves? I don't believe it.
Betty Rubble: Would you believe a 2 neck sweater?
Barney Rubble: Or a pair of pants with 4 legs?

Wilma Flintstone: Who bought the lot next door?
Fred Flintstone: Who? The creeps that live in a creepy house like that, that's who.
Barney Rubble: Aw, cheer up, Fred. It could've been worse.
Fred Flintstone: How? What do you mean?
Barney Rubble: They could've moved next door to *me*.
[he laughs]

"The Flintstones: Shinrock-A-Go-Go (#6.12)" (1965)
Barney Rubble: [Arrives to help Fred practice his dance routine] I'll just plug in the old electric guitar, tune it up, and...
[guitar shorts out]
Fred Flintstone: Barney! What the heck happened?
Barney Rubble: AC guitar, DC outlet! Would you mind unplugging it, Fred? I'm feeling kind of barbequed!
[Fred tries to unplug the guitar, which shorts out again, then blows up]
Barney Rubble: Man, when those things short, they really short! You got a spare tuba?
Fred Flintstone: Never mind the instruments! You can hum the tune.

Fred Flintstone: [after hearing radio broadcasts making fun of his dancing] I don't want to do it! Don't make me do it!
[Starts to cry, then faints]
Barney Rubble: Don't worry about your daddy, Pebbles. He's just having a simple nervous breakdown.

Fred Flintstone: [after being "persuaded" to get Wilma & Betty tickets to the Shinrock TV show] Alright, we'll get you the tickets! But first let me take care of Jimmy O'Neillstone!
[Turns off TV]
Barney Rubble: [after an arm reaches out of the set and turns it back on] Well, I guess that's how they keep their ratings up.

"The Flintstones: The Prowler (#1.14)" (1960)
Barney Rubble: At least I don't have to hide under the bed if the prowler shows up!
Fred Flintstone: Who said I did?
Barney Rubble: Wilma told Betty.
Fred Flintstone: She heard a noise and tried to get under the bed.
Barney Rubble: And she couldn't. You were there first.
Fred Flintstone: All right funny man, I'll prove to you you're wasting your money. Tonight, after you go to sleep, I'll sneak in dressed as a prowler. Then what'll you think your wife will do.
Barney Rubble: She'll say 'hello Fred. Why steal it. Just borrow it as usual'.

Betty Rubble: [on the phone with Wilma] So what did you do this time? Lesson number 5?
Barney Rubble: Oh boy. Poor Fred.
Betty Rubble: I wish he'd come back here again. I like the practice.

Barney Rubble: [Wilma's effortlessly tossing the prowler around, but everyone thinks it's Fred] Hey we better go over there and save Fred.
Betty Rubble: Oh no, let him have fun scaring Wilma.

"Robot Chicken: Easter Basket (#2.3)" (2006)
Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barney boy, this is the life.
Barney Rubble: You said it, Fred. An entire civilization not wearing underwear. You've gotta love it.

Barney Rubble: Witnesses! The dishwasher...
Octopus: My goodness cretaceous!
Barney Rubble: The record player...
Bird: He's off his rocker!
Barney Rubble: The bidet!
Turtle: Oh, man, the things I've witnessed!

Barney Rubble: [Barney is burying Fred after accidentally killing him] Dammit, Fred. I just wanted some of your fucking cereal.

"The Flintstones: The Flintstone Flyer (#1.1)" (1960)
Fred Flintstone: [trying to fool their wives it wasn't them in the bowling alley] Read me another bedtime story, would you Barney pal?
Barney Rubble: Sure, which one? 'Uncle Wiggly' or 'I Was a Teenage Brontosaurus'?

Wilma Flintstone: [after the wives realize the guy's deception] State of shock, huh?
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, no, no, not in the head!
[gets clobbered]
Wilma Flintstone: Try that while you're 'poor, sick' at home!
Betty Rubble: [mumbles something hard to understand, but definitely angry]
Barney Rubble: Betty, Betty, not with the bowling ball!
[gets clobbered]

Barney Rubble: [Fred just bowled a turn] Do I see a split?

"The Flintstones: The Split Personality (#1.5)" (1960)
Barney Rubble: Can I ask you something, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: Make it good, because it's the last time I'm speaking to you.
Barney Rubble: Why did you drink my car polish?
Fred Flintstone: Car polish! Barney, do something!
Barney Rubble: I'll get a chamois!

Barney Rubble: The last bus for the track leaves in an hour. I'll go down and bet the money.
Fred Flintstone: What do you know about betting at the track.
Barney Rubble: I saw it on a TV show once.

Barney Rubble: The last bus for the track leaves in an hour. I'll go down and bet the money.
Fred Flintstone: What do you know about betting at the track.
Barney Rubble: [imitating the doctor] I saw it on a tv show once.

"The Flintstones: A Haunted House Is Not a Home (#5.7)" (1964)
Creepers: Dinner is served, sir.
Fred Flintstone: Eh, what is it, Creepers?
Creepers: Alphabet soup, sir, our cook's specialty.
Fred Flintstone: Alphabet soup?
Barney Rubble: Sure, Fred, you twirl it around and sometimes it makes words. Uh do you think we should eat it?
Fred Flintstone: Well sure, why not?
Barney Rubble: Well if anything happens to Flintstone, everything goes to the servants, remember?
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, yeah I remember. Hey Barney look! The alphabet soup's trying to tell us something! Beware!
Barney Rubble: You better do what it says, Fred, look!
[Pot Rock charges at Fred with a cleaver]

Barney Rubble: [looking at a picture on the wall] Hey, that must be a picture of your uncle, the late J. Giggles Flinstone.
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, yeah that's him alright.
Barney Rubble: Looks a lot like you!
[the eyes move in the picture]
Fred Flintstone: Hey Barney! That picture, I saw the eyes move!
Barney Rubble: Eyes move? Oh boy, uh Fred, you're a bundle of nerves!
Fred Flintstone: [hears thunder and laughter and jumps over to Barney's side of the table] Kind of, stormy tonight, isn't it, Barney?

Betty Rubble: Where's Barney?
Barney Rubble: [on the cuckoo clock's perch] Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.
[disappears back in the clock]
Betty Rubble: Barney come out! What're you doing up there?
Barney Rubble: [comes out] Well when you're in a cuckoo type house, this is the safest place to be.

"The Flintstones: The Swimming Pool (#1.3)" (1960)
Barney Rubble: Why should I fill the pool for that hippopotamus next door?
Betty Rubble: Because the wife of that hippopotamus next door happens to be my best friend, that's why.
Wilma Flintstone: [cut to Fred and Wilma] The fence comes down because the wife of that little sawed off runt happens to be my best friend.

Betty Rubble: [on the phone with Wilma] They haven't spoken to each other for five days. I'm sick and tired of it. I told him to go right over and make up with Fred.
Wilma Flintstone: What did he say?
Betty Rubble: He absolutely refused. So I said to him "I'm going to invite my mother to come visit for a few weeks if you don't".
Wilma Flintstone: Really? What'd he say to that?
Barney Rubble: [poking his head in the door] Hiya Wilma!

Fred Flintstone: Who is your busom buddy, close friend, and lifelong pal?
Barney Rubble: How many guesses do I get?

"The Flintstones: Glue for Two (#4.7)" (1963)
Fred Flintstone: [Fred and Barney are glued to a bowling ball, and are trying to get it off with a hammer & chisel] Now when I nod my head, hit it. Ok, Barney?
Barney Rubble: If you say so, Fred.
Fred Flintstone: [Nods. Barney hits him in the head with the hammer] Not my head you dunce! The ball!

Fred Flintstone: He just tried to f-f-f-freeze me to death in a cold shower!
Barney Rubble: I always take a cold shower in the morning.
Betty Rubble: That's right, he does.
Fred Flintstone: [yelling] YEAH, BUT I DON'T!

"The Flintstones: The Hot Piano (#1.19)" (1961)
Fred Flintstone: [seeing Barney lying on the ground, obviously in pain] What happened to you?
Barney Rubble: [in agony] I just got run over by a piano!
Fred Flintstone: Which way did it go?
Barney Rubble: [indicating with a raised arm] That-a-way.

Fred Flintstone: [the piano gets stuck in the doorway] Stand back, Barney. I'm going to put a little weight behind it.
Barney Rubble: But Fred, you're a lot of weight!
[Fred takes a run at the piano and proceeds to knock it over Barney and out the other side of the house]

A Flintstones Christmas Carol (1994) (TV)
Fred Flintstone: Cratchet, are you trying to get fired? Get back to those ledgers.
Barney Rubble, Dino: Yes, sir, I mean no, sir, sorry, sir.

Barney Rubble, Dino: There's more to life than just acting, you know.
Fred Flintstone: Not to an actor.
Barney Rubble, Dino: Yeah, well, in case you haven't noticed, tomorrow's Christmas, I've got to go home and wrap presents.

"The Flintstones: No Help Wanted (#1.4)" (1960)
Fred Flintstone: [after discovering Barney has walked away with the TV set] Are you nuts?
Barney Rubble: But Fred, you told me to be ruthless.
Fred Flintstone: Ruthless? You put that set back or you'll be toothless!

Barney Rubble: [Hiding in the TV set] Are you having trouble sleeping at night? It might be because you're a deadbeat. Pay off those annoying TV bills with one big payment, and get a good night's sleep.
Fred Flintstone: [Picks up TV set and starts shaking it] Rubble, I'll get you out of there even if I have to wreck the set!

"The Flintstones: Impractical Joker (#2.21)" (1962)
Barney Rubble: If you scrub with "Sudsy-Wudsy", you'll wash away the Mudsy-Mudsies...

Barney Rubble: [Barney's surrounded by things Fred paid for because he though Barney was a counterfeiter] You should have seen Fred go white when I looked in the auto show room window!

"The Flintstones: The Snorkasaurus Hunter (#1.18)" (1961)
Barney Rubble: What's a snorka snorkasaurus look like? I wouldn't know one if I saw it.
Fred Flintstone: Look Barney my boy, I will draw you a picture. First, the head's kind of fat like.
Dino Snorkasaurus: Look who's talking about a fat head!

"The Flintstones: Monster Fred (#5.2)" (1964)
Doc: Good evening gentlemen. What can I do for you?
Barney Rubble: Well, my friend Fred isn't well. He got hit on the head by a bowling ball.
Fred Flintstone: [in a semi-conscious state] Mama, Mama, Mama.
Doc: Aha, very, very interesting Ja. Obviously a case of cranios-soreodis.
Barney Rubble: Huh, what's that?
Doc: He's allergic to bowling balls.

The Man Called Flintstone (1966)
Barney Rubble: Well, that's what always happens to guys who want to take over the world.
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, they end up out of it.

"The Flintstones: The Masquerade Party (#6.11)" (1965)
Fred Flintstone: [as Fred and Barney begin to show eachother their costumes which both happen to be Red-Devil costumes] Hey Barney, where are you?
Barney Rubble: Oh, right here Fred. I slipped into my costume too.
Fred Flintstone: Huh?
Barney Rubble: Will the real Satan please stand up?
[Barney laughs]

"The Flintstones: The Blessed Event (#3.23)" (1963)
Fred Flintstone: [after Wilma is given Pebbles for the first time] Awwww, she looks like a chip off the ol' block.
Barney Rubble: Actually, more like a pebble off the ol' flintstone.
Wilma Flintstone: What a beautiful name. Pebbles Flintstone.
Pebbles Flintstone: [Her first words ever] Yabba. Dabba. Goo.

"The Flintstones: The Missing Bus (#2.3)" (1961)
Barney Rubble: [reading the bus' manual to Fred] First you put your two feet close up tight. The clutch is on the left and the brake is on the right. Take hold of the wheel kind of nice and light. And twist it around with all your might. Now shove your lovin's hand way out in space. And ease it into gear with style and grace. If you've gone this far you can't turn back. Geronimo, and good luck Jack!

"The Flintstones: Seeing Doubles (#6.14)" (1965)
Barney Rubble Clone: [Repeated line; shaking head] No no no.

"The Flintstones: Fred Meets Hercurock (#5.25)" (1965)
[Fred is in extremely deep exasparation, of having to work on a Saturday]
Fred Flintstone: Ood-abbad-abbay!
Barney Rubble: And what is that?
Fred Flintstone: That is yabba-dabba-doo, spelled backwards.

"The Flintstones: Christmas Flintstone (#5.15)" (1964)
Betty Rubble: Hoppy, where's Bamm-Bamm?
[pops his head out of Hoppy's pouch, which she finds funny]
Betty Rubble: Oh, for goodness sake! Get to the table.
Barney Rubble: [hops to the table with the baby in the pouch] Okay, you can sit there, Bamm-Bamm. But don't drop any crumbs in Hoppy's pouch.

"The Flintstones: The Flagstones (#1.0)" (1960)
Betty Rubble: Wilma, when are we going shopping?
Wilma Flagstone: As soon as I serve his majesty his lunch. He's dining at the pool today. Where's Barney?
Betty Rubble: Oh, he's trying on his gear.
Wilma Flagstone: Gear?
Betty Rubble: That's right, he's going to practice spear fishing in the pool.
Wilma Flagstone: Spear fishing?
Fred Flagstone: Wilma?
Wilma Flagstone: Oh, I'll be right back, I've got to feed the fish.
[after Wilma walking to Fred's pool]
Wilma Flagstone: Where do you want it Fred?
Fred Flagstone: Oh, just set it down, where I can reach it.
Wilma Flagstone: And remember, if you sink, don't let my best dishes go down with the ship.
[after Barney scared Wilma, she lightly shrieked & then spoke to Barney]
Wilma Flagstone: Eek! Barney, its you.
Barney Rubble: Did my spear fishing outfit scare you?
Wilma Flagstone: Out of my wits. And don't scare Fred, or you'll lose his lunch and my dishes.
Barney Rubble: Hi'ya Fred.
Fred Flagstone: And what are you made up for?
Barney Rubble: I'm gonna practice spear fishing.
Fred Flagstone: You can't lose. You'll spear 'em or they'll die laughing. How does it work? And don't point that thing at me, it's loaded.
[after Barney's spear ricocheted around, it eventually punctured Fred's plastic air mattress]
Fred Flagstone: Barney boy, you're making it tough, to be friends.
Barney Rubble: [after Fred went down, Barney then quickly grabbed Fred's meal to be & ate it for himself] No use, wasting a lunch.
[very last line]

"The Flintstones: Fred Flintstone: Before and After (#1.28)" (1961)
Costumer: [Fred tries on a fake beard as a disguise] And with this hat on I guarantee your own mother won't recognize you!
Fred Flintstone: [walking outside] GOOD! GOOD! Now I can go anywhere in town and eat!
Barney Rubble: Hiya, Fred!
Costumer: [back in the costume shop] Back so soon, Mr. Flintstone? How was the party?
[Fred slams the hat over his head]

"The Flintstones: Hop Happy (#5.1)" (1964)
Barney Rubble: Betty, we're back. Take a look at Bamm-Bamm's new pet.
Betty Rubble: [shocked when she sees it] What is it?
Barney Rubble: It is a hopparoo. We'll call it Hoppy for short. Boy, is he smart. Watch. Uh, go fetch my bowling ball, Hoppy.
[hops away]
Barney Rubble: He's very intelligent.
Betty Rubble: I wonder if we are. Here he comes, but where's the ball?
Barney Rubble: Right in the old pouch.
[pulls it out]
Barney Rubble: See? Whatya think of his, Betty?
Betty Rubble: Well, he is kind of cute. And Bamm-Bamm likes him. Okay, he can stay.

1967 Busch Advertisement (1967)
Fred Flintstone: [about losing their jobs] We're going to figure out a story to tell our wives Barney
Barney Rubble: Oh I have my story all set
Fred Flintstone: Yeah what is it?
Barney Rubble: Well I'll walk into the house right up to Betty and I'll say "Betty Fred Flintstone made me quit my job today".
Fred Flintstone: And then what?
Barney Rubble: I kill myself, what else?
[both laugh]

I Yabba-Dabba Do! (1993) (TV)
Barney Rubble: What's the matter Fred? got the wedding day blues?

"The Flintstones: Divided We Sail (#2.29)" (1962)
Barney Rubble: If you're queasy... Sailing on the wave... Just open your mouth... Shout, "Terra Firma Shave!"

The Flintstones & WWE: Stone Age Smackdown (2015) (V)
[from trailer]
Fred Flintstone: We can put on another one of those crazy matches, and Judge wants to come and see it.
Barney Rubble: I pay harder and clams to see that.
Fred Flintstone: The main event is gonna be a rematch between you, and CM Punkrock.
Barney Rubble: What?
CM Punkrock: I am the best in the prehistoric world!

"The Flintstones: The Most Beautiful Baby in Bedrock (#5.10)" (1964)
Barney Rubble: [In trying to get away from an angry Fred, Barney climbs a small tree. Fred catches up to him and pull the tree down] Now Fred, remember your blood pressure, remember your cholesterol, remember the Alamo!
[Fred releases the tree, shooting Barney into the air]

The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones (1987) (TV)
Fred Flintstone: It's the time machine, Mr Spacely - It's kaputt!
Barney Rubble: Yeah, and they can't kaputt it back together again!