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Quotes for
Bert (Character)
from "Sesame Street" (1969)

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Follow That Bird (1985)
Miss Finch: Come on, Big Bird, you don't want to miss your plane.
Maria: Just a minute. Give me a big hug, Big Bird.
[they embrace]
Maria: Don't forget to write.
Big Bird: I won't, Maria.
Count: Don't forget to count, Big Bird!
Big Bird: Okay, Count.
Bob: And don't forget to dress warmly, okay, Big Bird?
Big Bird: I've got my muffler, Bob.
Grover: Don't forget to breathe! In and out!
Big Bird: I always do, Grover.
[Linda signs something to Big Bird]
Big Bird: I'll read every day.
Cookie Monster: Don't forget to eat, Big Bird!
Big Bird: I won't, Cookie Monster.
[Oscar comes slowly out of his trash can]
Big Bird: Well, goodbye, Oscar.
Oscar the Grouch: [surprised] What? Why, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Gordon: [Notices Cookie Monster is still consuming the Volkswagen] Haven't you had enough?
Cookie Monster: But Gordon, me growing monster!

Ruthie: [Shocked to see that there's nothing left of her car] Gordon! What on earth happened to the car?
Gordon: Don't ask me.
Gordon: [Points to Cookie Monster] Ask him.
Cookie Monster: [Looks up at Ruthie] Hi.
Cookie Monster: [Belches] Oh, excuse me.
Ruthie: The insurance man isn't going to believe this.

Gordon: Cookie, will you stop eating the hubcap?
Cookie Monster: Taste delicious, me so hungry!
Olivia: But Cook, we haven't even started on our trip yet.
Cookie Monster: That's okay. Me eat three other hubcaps later.
Gordon: Cookie!

Bert: Whattaya see, Ernie?
Ernie: [points his binoculars at Bert's nose] Your nose, Bert.
[he laughs]
Bert: Ernie! Get serious, will ya? We're supposed to be looking for Big Bird.
Ernie: Right!

Bert: Ernie, I see him!
Ernie: See who, Bert?
Bert: See that yellow spot down there? It's Big Bird!
Ernie: Oh, yeah. That sure looks like a yellow spot, all right.

[lookout]
Bert: What do you see?
Ernie: Your nose, Bert.


Sesame Street, Special (1988) (TV)
[Grover has just accidentally spilled food he was serving again]
Restaurant Customer: Oh I don't believe this. Look here, I'm very hungry. Do you think there is any chance you could bring me a Numero Dos without dropping it on the floor?
Grover Monster: Where there is life, there is hope.
Restaurant Customer: Just bring me a Numero Dos.

Restaurant Customer: Wait, wait, just hold it. Just hold it right there. If you're gonna start dancing again, just put the tray DOWN so you don't spill it please!
Grover Monster: Why, sir, what a spiffy idea. Uh... I'll put it down here beside the Tres and Quatro so it will not be too lonely.
Restaurant Customer: Fine.

Cookie Monster: Me not *take* cookies, me *eat* the cookies.
Robert McNeill: What's the difference?
Cookie Monster: Eat begin with an E and take... Begin with a T.

Cookie Monster: "The 39 Stairs", made by guy named Alfred.

Grover Monster: [singing] Granada! Granada Cadiz Sevilla, where butter is called mantequilla / You're treated so fine, when you come in to dine / I'm always delighted to see ya. Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!

Grover Monster: Here you are, sir, the specialty of the house.
Restaurant Customer: At last.
Grover Monster: Numero Uno...
[takes lid off tray to reveal the Number One surrounded by French fries]
Grover Monster: The number one.
Restaurant Customer: Oh no!
Grover Monster: Bon appetito. That is Spanish for "enjoy"
[customer falls over in his chair and faints]


The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland (1999)
Ernie: Come on Bert, what kind of movie has a sad ending?
Bert: Titanic. Titanic had a sad ending.

[first lines]
Ernie: [Ernie hums, then turns to the audience] Hi there everybody! Welcome to the movie. Hey, we're so glad you came. Now...
Bert: [Bert appears, wearing a bath towel and showering cap] Ernie, Ernie.
Ernie: Hm?
Bert: Listen, I'm going to take a shower. Have you seen my antibacterial soap?
Ernie: No, Bert, I haven't.
Bert: Oh, now where did I...?
Ernie: Now, this movie you're about to see is all about Elmo.
Bert: Who are you talking to?
Ernie: The audience, Bert. They're right there.
Bert: Huh?
[Bert walks up to the screen]
Ernie: See?
Bert: Wow, look at all those people!
Ernie: Mm-hmm.
Bert: Hey, nice cardigan!
[Bert laughs, sounding like a sheep baaing]
Ernie: Now, in this movie, Elmo is going to ask for your help. He wants you to talk and play along.
Bert: Uh, how do we start?
Ernie: It's easy: just count backwards from 10.
Bert: Okay.
Ernie: [Ernie whispers to Bert] You see, Bert, that's how you start a movie, Bert.
Bert: Ahh.
Ernie: Can you all help us count backwards from 10?
Kids in audience: Yeah!
Ernie: Ready? Yell real loud!
Ernie, Bert, Kids in audience: [the countdown sequence begins] 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Oscar: Who says you can't go home again?
Susan: Oscar, maybe you can get your friends to tell us where Elmo is.
Cookie Monster, Telly, Zoe: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Oscar: In a minute. First I have to look at the old neighborhood here. Hey, I wonder where that old septic tank is.
Susan: Hey, wait a minute!
Gordon: No, Oscar, we've got to find Elmo first!
Cookie Monster, Telly: Elmo! Elmo!
Susan: Let's go this way.

Grouch Cop: It's against the law to ask for help in Grouchland! You have the right to scream your head off. Should you give up the right to scream your head off, someone who will scream their head off... will be provided for you.
Oscar: Come on!
Cookie Monster: Me innocent. Hello? Me need cookies!


Don't Eat the Pictures: Sesame Street at the Metropolitan Museum of Art (1983) (TV)
[Bert and Ernie are looking at the painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware]
Ernie: You know what Bert, I bet George Washington caught a cold. He should have stayed home.
Bert: Do you think George Washington would stay in bed and open his Christmas presents?
Ernie: I don't know Bert.
Bert: No, sir, not the father of our country. He crossed the Delaware to New
[points west]
Bert: Jersey.
Ernie: Bert.
Bert: To New
[points west]
Bert: Jersey.
Ernie: If George Washington was going to New Jersey, why didn't he do what everybody does?
Bert: And what's that, Ernie?
Ernie: Take the George Washington Bridge, Bert.

[Cookie Monster sees a painting of fruit]
Cookie Monster: Me eat picture!
Bob: No, no, no, Cookie Monster. You can't touch the picture.
Cookie Monster: No, me don't want to touch, me want to eat.
Bob: No, you can't, nooooo!
Cookie Monster: Let me eat frame.
Bob: The sign, Cookie Monster, look at the sign.
[sees a sign that forbids eating pictures]
Cookie Monster: Please don't eat the pictures. Aw, this going to be long night.

Cookie Monster: Me think me eat hot dog... STAND!

Cookie Monster: Oh boy, oh boy! Egyptian Mummy. Hmm. Look like banana with picture on. Huh? It's three thousand years old? Huh! Should be ripe now!


"The Muppet Show: Connie Stevens (#1.2)" (1977)
Ernie: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Gee, it's really great to be here. Right, Bert?
Bert: Ah, I guess so.
Ernie: Oh, what's wrong, Bert?
Bert: Well, I mean, I feel funny being here, this is a big TV variety show, you know?
Ernie: So?
Bert: I'm no performer.
Ernie: Oh, Bert. A suave, sophisticated showman like you, Bert?
Bert: Oh, sure, sure. I know you. You're gonna keep on saying I'm suave and sophisticated, and then when I start to believe it, then you're gonna say how pointy head I have, and how floppy arms I have, and how dull I am, I know you.
Ernie: Bert, you must admit, though, Bert, that the head up there is a little bit pointy, Bert. And you must admit that the arms are a little bit floppy and soggy, Bert. And Bert?
[pulls off Bert's nose]
Ernie: The nose is still loose Bert.
Bert: Cut that out!
Ernie: Oh, I'm sorry, Bert, here. There you go, Bert.
[puts Bert's nose back on his face]
Bert: See what I mean? I mean that old loose-nose joke is funny on Sesame Street, but this is big-time, Ernie. I mean they're expecting an act or something.
Ernie: Hey, Bert, wait a minute. You can do an act. All you need are the clothes Bert. Come over here, Bert! Step right here, Bert!
[Ernie dresses Bert up in a tuxedo]

Ernie: And here he is now, that suave and sophisticated showman. My old buddy Bert. Well Bert, what do you say?
Bert: Some Enchanted Evening.
Ernie: I beg your pardon, Bert?
Bert: You may see a stranger.
Ernie: What's going on here?
Bert: You may a stranger across a crowded room/And somehow you'll know, you know even then/That somewhere you'll see her again and again/Who can explain it? Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try.
[Connie Stevens emerges and begins dancing with him]
Bert: Oh, Connie... Once you have found her never let her go/Once you have found her never let her go.

Bert: Ernie? Ernie, come here... did I just make a complete fool of myself?
Ernie: [patting Bert's shoulder] Absolutely, Bert.
Bert: Take me home. I feel terrible.


A Muppet Family Christmas (1987) (TV)
Ernie: Oh, hi there. Hey, we're Ernie and Bert.
Doc: Hi there yourself, I'm Doc.
Bert: Did you know that Doc starts with the letter "D"?
Doc: Why, yes.
Ernie: Yes! Yes starts with the letter "Y".
Doc: True.
Ernie: And true starts with the letter "T".
Doc: [chuckles] Hey, what is this?
Bert: Where we come from, this is small talk.
Doc: Well, whatever you day, nice to be meeting you, but I'd better go up and build some bunk beds.
Ernie, Bert: Bunk beds!
Ernie: B words.
[he and Bert laugh]

Bert: Ernie, why must you always humiliate me?
Ernie: C'mon, Bert. Somebody has to play MaMa, and you lost the toss.
Bert: Oh, well, just get it over with.

Janice: [bringing out a basket of Christmas cookies] Hey, everybody, look what I've got: Christmas cookies!
Cookie Monster: COOKIE!
[gobbles up the whole basket, as Animal watches in amazement]
Cookie Monster: Oh, thank you!
Janice: Who was that strange blue creature?
Animal: Dat my kinda fella! Ahahahahaha!


Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (1978) (TV)
Cookie Monster: [At the end of the movie, Susan and Gordon come home and see that Cookie Monster has eaten their Christmas tree] Ohhh, ohh, oh, Scotch pine delicious, but Douglas fir give me heartburn. Burp! Excuse me, ohhh, oh!
[Susan and Gordon look perplexed]
Cookie Monster: Burp! Oh sorry, oh!
[Credits roll]
Cookie Monster: Burp! Buuuuuuurrrp! Oh that a long one, buuuuurrp, buuuurrp, oh!
[Movie ends]

Cookie Monster: [ice skating] Let's play stop the whip!