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: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Gee, it's really great to be here. Right, Bert? Bert
: Ah, I guess so. Ernie
: Oh, what's wrong, Bert? Bert
: Well, I mean, I feel funny being here, this is a big TV variety show, you know? Ernie
: So? Bert
: I'm no performer. Ernie
: Oh, Bert. A suave, sophisticated showman like you, Bert? Bert
: Oh, sure, sure. I know you. You're gonna keep on saying I'm suave and sophisticated, and then when I start to believe it, then you're gonna say how pointy head I have, and how floppy arms I have, and how dull I am, I know you. Ernie
: Bert, you must admit, though, Bert, that the head up there is a little bit pointy, Bert. And you must admit that the arms are a little bit floppy and soggy, Bert. And Bert?
[pulls off Bert's nose
: The nose is still loose Bert. Bert
: Cut that out! Ernie
: Oh, I'm sorry, Bert, here. There you go, Bert.
[puts Bert's nose back on his face
: See what I mean? I mean that old loose-nose joke is funny on Sesame Street, but this is big-time, Ernie. I mean they're expecting an act or something. Ernie
: Hey, Bert, wait a minute. You can do an act. All you need are the clothes Bert. Come over here, Bert! Step right here, Bert!
[Ernie dresses Bert up in a tuxedo
: And here he is now, that suave and sophisticated showman. My old buddy Bert. Well Bert, what do you say? Bert
: Some Enchanted Evening. Ernie
: I beg your pardon, Bert? Bert
: You may see a stranger. Ernie
: What's going on here? Bert
: You may a stranger across a crowded room/And somehow you'll know, you know even then/That somewhere you'll see her again and again/Who can explain it? Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try.
[Connie Stevens emerges and begins dancing with him
: Oh, Connie... Once you have found her never let her go/Once you have found her never let her go.
: Ernie? Ernie, come here... did I just make a complete fool of myself? Ernie
: [patting Bert's shoulder
] Absolutely, Bert. Bert
: Take me home. I feel terrible.
: Whattaya see, Ernie? Ernie
: [points his binoculars at Bert's nose
] Your nose, Bert.
: Ernie! Get serious, will ya? We're supposed to be looking for Big Bird. Ernie
: Ernie, I see him! Ernie
: See who, Bert? Bert
: See that yellow spot down there? It's Big Bird! Ernie
: Oh, yeah. That sure looks like a yellow spot, all right.
: What do you see? Ernie
: Your nose, Bert.
: Come on Bert, what kind of movie has a sad ending? Bert
: Titanic. Titanic had a sad ending.
: [Ernie hums, then turns to the audience
] Hi there everybody! Welcome to the movie. Hey, we're so glad you came. Now... Bert
: [Bert appears, wearing a bath towel and showering cap
] Ernie, Ernie. Ernie
: Hm? Bert
: Listen, I'm going to take a shower. Have you seen my antibacterial soap? Ernie
: No, Bert, I haven't. Bert
: Oh, now where did I...? Ernie
: Now, this movie you're about to see is all about Elmo. Bert
: Who are you talking to? Ernie
: The audience, Bert. They're right there. Bert
[Bert walks up to the screen
: See? Bert
: Wow, look at all those people! Ernie
: Mm-hmm. Bert
: Hey, nice cardigan!
[Bert laughs, sounding like a sheep baaing
: Now, in this movie, Elmo is going to ask for your help. He wants you to talk and play along. Bert
: Uh, how do we start? Ernie
: It's easy: just count backwards from 10. Bert
: Okay. Ernie
: [Ernie whispers to Bert
] You see, Bert, that's how you start a movie, Bert. Bert
: Ahh. Ernie
: Can you all help us count backwards from 10? Kids in audience
: Yeah! Ernie
: Ready? Yell real loud! Ernie
, Kids in audience
: [the countdown sequence begins
] 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
: Oh, hi there. Hey, we're Ernie and Bert. Doc
: Hi there yourself, I'm Doc. Bert
: Did you know that Doc starts with the letter "D"? Doc
: Why, yes. Ernie
: Yes! Yes starts with the letter "Y". Doc
: True. Ernie
: And true starts with the letter "T". Doc
] Hey, what is this? Bert
: Where we come from, this is small talk. Doc
: Well, whatever you day, nice to be meeting you, but I'd better go up and build some bunk beds. Ernie
: Bunk beds! Ernie
: B words.
[he and Bert laugh
: Ernie, why must you always humiliate me? Ernie
: C'mon, Bert. Somebody has to play MaMa, and you lost the toss. Bert
: Oh, well, just get it over with.
[Bert and Ernie are looking at the painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware
: You know what Bert, I bet George Washington caught a cold. He should have stayed home. Bert
: Do you think George Washington would stay in bed and open his Christmas presents? Ernie
: I don't know Bert. Bert
: No, sir, not the father of our country. He crossed the Delaware to New
: Jersey. Ernie
: Bert. Bert
: To New
: Jersey. Ernie
: If George Washington was going to New Jersey, why didn't he do what everybody does? Bert
: And what's that, Ernie? Ernie
: Take the George Washington Bridge, Bert.