Charlie B. Barkin
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Quotes for
Charlie B. Barkin (Character)
from All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)

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All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)
Charlie: These are some of the poorest people I know. They're more broke than the Ten Commandments.
[laughs]
Charlie: That was a little joke. Very little.

Charlie: What a selfish, hopeless, callous heel of a cad I've been. Blind to the needs of society's lowly unloved.

[Charlie has escaped the pound]
Gambler Dog: Charlie? Ain't you supposed to be on death row?
Charlie: [angrily] No. I AIN'T supposed to be on death row.

Charlie: Hey, wait. That looks like a water main.
Itchy Itchiford: Naw, water mains are green. This is red!
Charlie: Itchy, you're color blind. You've always been color blind.
Itchy Itchiford: That's true, but this is green.
Charlie: Its red.
Itchy Itchiford: Red?
[drills into pipe; outside, water bursts out of the ground, and the tunnel floods]

Charlie: Hey guys, waddua ya know, waddua ya say?
Itchy Itchiford: Yeah, waddua ya say, waddua ya know?

Vera: Things have changed, Charlie, since you've been gone... Life hasn't been no piece of cake.
Chihuahua Gambler: Carface ain't been treating us too good.
Vera: Things are tough, but we carry on...
Gambler Dog: [Charlie wins a game of craps] Could you spare a couple of bones, for old time's sake?
Charlie: Why settle for a couple of bones when you could have the whole bank?
[puts the craps bones in a slot machine and breaks the bank]
Itchy Itchiford: Ya won the jackpot! Charlie, I'm proud of ya.

Whippet Angel: [singing] Welcome to being dead.
Charlie: [horrified] What? You mean I'm... I'm...
Whippet Angel: [flipping through a record book of Charlie's life] Stone cold I'm afraid.
Charlie: I can't believe it, I've been murdered!
Whippet Angel: I'm having trouble finding any goodness or loyalty here, but let me see.
Charlie: He killed me!
Whippet Angel: I beg your pardon?
Charlie: There's a mistake been made here!
[singing]
Charlie: I don't wanna die/You got the wrong guy/I was double crossed by a dirty rat, actually this rat was a dog but his car ran me down/I just blew out of jail, I just got back to town/Hey! This is hard to explain/May I speak to your Superior because I don't wanna die!
Whippet Angel: [singing] Welcome to doing whatever you wish...
Charlie: [interrupting] You got the wrong guy.
Whippet Angel: [singing] Laughing and singing all day.
Charlie: Hey! Listen! My time's not up yet!
Whippet Angel: Oh but it is, there's no mistake about that, we know everything.
Charlie: Murdered in the prime of my life! That Carface, I'll kill him!

Itchy Itchiford: In him there's the luck of the Irish.
Charlie: The pride of the German.
Itchy Itchiford: Even, he-he, a bit of Siam.
Charlie: Siam? There's the calm of the English.
Itchy Itchiford: The charm of the Spanish.
Charlie: A pedigree certainly ain't what I am. So call me a mixed-up pup.
Itchy Itchiford: You're a mixed-up pup.
Charlie: But the only way this pup knows is up!

Charlie: You must have taken dance lessons. You have natural rhythm, unusual in a whippet.

Charlie: Hey! I know we're all dead up here, but so's the music. How about heating it up?
Vera: Honey, you know it!
[Upbeat gospel music plays]
Charlie: That's nice. That's nice.

[last lines]
Carface: Argh! I'll get that gator, if it's the last thing I do!
Whippet Angel: Touch that clock, and you can never come back.
Carface: Shut up.
Whippet Angel: [shouts and chases him] I said, touch that clock, and you can never come back!
Charlie: He'll be back.

Itchy Itchiford: Yah! Someone's got me by the tail!
Charlie: I got you by the tail!
Itchy Itchiford: Why don't you tell somebody you're gonna do that?
Charlie: You know, it's not worth it being with you. It's not.
Itchy Itchiford: Your hands are cold, too.

Charlie: All we need now is a couple of bucks.
Itchy Itchiford: A couple of bucks, a couple of bucks!
Anne-Marie: A couple, a couple. Mmm, yeah! A mom and dad.
Charlie: Yeah, sure.

Anne-Marie: Charlie, will you help me find a mom and dad?
Charlie: Kid, I'll help you find the lost city of Atlantis! Just please, please go to sleep!

Charlie: [singing] I love Brazil / The throb, the thrill / I've never been there / But someday I will / Adventure and danger / Love from a stranger / Let me be surprised.

Anne-Marie: Charlie, will I ever see you again?
Charlie: Sure you will, kid. You know goodbyes aren't forever.
Anne-Marie: Then goodbye, Charlie. I love you.
Charlie: Yep... I love you too.

King Gator: What do you call that voice, little fella? Is that a baritone or a tenor?
Charlie: It's a...
King Gator: Oh, I don't care. It's just you and me.
[singing]
King Gator: Let's make music together / Let's make sweet harmony...

Flo: She's burning up a fever, Charlie. She could have pneumonia!
Charlie: Think she needs a vet?
Flo: Charlie, she's a little girl. She needs a doctor.
Charlie: Doctor? I don't know any doctors... I'll find one!

Charlie: [after Itchy tells him to get ride of Anne-Marie] Aw, Itch, now the casino's gone. We've got to start all over; we need the girl more than ever.
Itchy Itchiford: No, boss, you're crazy! It's not business anymore, it's personal!
Charlie: Aw, come on, Itchy. Surely it's just business, I mean...
Itchy Itchiford: You're in love with the girl! You've got soft, you care about her!
Charlie: [furiously annoyed] Look, I don't care about the girl! I tell her things now and then! I pretend to be her best friend, but it's baloney!
Itchy Itchiford: I thought I was your best friend...
Charlie: [yells] YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! With her, it's just business - it's always been business! I'm USING the girl! And when we're done with her, we'll dump her in an orphanage! Is that okay with you!
Itchy Itchiford: [chastened] Sure, boss, anything you say.
[sees Anne-Marie, who overheard everything]
Itchy Itchiford: Uh-oh...
Anne-Marie: [crying, goes hurt] You're not my friend... You're a bad dog!

Itchy Itchiford: Charlie, let me think about this...
Charlie: No! Don't think! From now on, I'll do the thinking!

Charlie: [Itchy's dropping ice cream on him] Hey cut it out, would you? What do you see up there?
Itchy Itchiford: Mostly the backs of the buttons, but other than that...

Itchy Itchiford: I can't help it, Charlie, I always itch when I'm nervous.
Charlie: Well don't be nervous!
Itchy Itchiford: Just scratch this!

Charlie: That Carface has something up his sleeve.
Itchy Itchiford: Yeah, a gun!
Charlie: And when I find out what it is, I'm going to ruin him.

Itchy Itchiford: Boss, Carface has got thugs, and they've got muscles, and knives, and he's got a monster.
Charlie: Monster?
Itchy Itchiford: Boss, they feed it!
Charlie: Monster?
Itchy Itchiford: Yes that's what I said, monster!

Charlie: Itchy, what happened to you?
Itchy Itchiford: You want to know what happened to me? I'll tell you what happened to me. Carface happened to me, with about 50 of his thugs. Oh!
Charlie: Itch, I'm sorry.
Itchy Itchiford: Well, look what else happened while you were sidetracked. See that?
[see a building on fire]
Itchy Itchiford: That's *our* place! You were going to fix Carface well, well he fixed us! You see boss, this whole thing's gone too far.

Charlie: [about the group of mouse-like natives] What they saying? Tell 'em to gimme back my watch!
Anne-Marie: I can't, Charlie. They talk funny.
Charlie: I don't care!

Charlie: [Anne Marie tells them the horse Chawhee is going to win, but it's a surprise] Can we trust this horse?
[horse brays at him violently]
Charlie: Alright! The Grand Cha-hee, Che-haw, Chaw-hee-hee-hoo-ha, by surprise!


All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 (1996)
Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. And, you are?
Sasha: Not remotely interested.

Charlie: [singing] Everybody's a winner. It's so legit and sincere. It's too heavenly here.

Charlie: It's hard to explain, Itch. This place is supposed to have everything but it doesn't. It's too... it's too...
[singing]
Charlie: it's too heavenly here/It's too graceful and paradise-like/Much too narrow and much too nice like/Endlessly sunny and clear/It's too heavenly here/It's too blissfull to bear/Calm and quiet and much too mellow/
[Knocks over a tray of halos which all go around Itchy]
Charlie: /All my brain cells have turned to jello/Every day feels like a year/
[Someone pushes the halos off Itchy and drops both of them]
Charlie: It's too heavenly here.
[Grabs a harp on the way down]
Charlie: I need some action/I need some juice/
[Fires Itchy with the harp like a bow and arrow]
Charlie: A crazy kind of feeling of playing fast and loose/Some razzle dazzle and a little stress and strife/I gotta get some life in my life/But it's too heavenly here/There's no way you can be a sinner/Roll the dice/Everyone's a winner/It's so legit and sincere/It's too heavenly here/What good's a hustler/Without scam/I'm wasted talent/That's all that I am/This operator/Is at the wrong adress/Cause there's nothing to finagle/And no one to fineeeeeeeese
Angel Choir: [while bathing them] It's so heavenly here/Pure and perfect/Sublime and shining/Every cloud has a silver lining/Everyone's full of good cheer/It's so heavenly here.
Charlie: [singing again] They're all so saintly, I just can't relate/There's gotta be an exit/Through that pearly gate/
[Throws his halo just missing Itchy]
Charlie: Behold the canine who's been cut down in his prime/
[the halo comes back over his head]
Charlie: I may have done the crime/ But I can't do the time/Cause it's too heavenly here/All Hallelujas and Hosannas/It can drive anyone bananas/I'm going out of my head/This joint is deader than dead/I'll give you eight to three/It's too heavenly...
Angel Choir: Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Charlie: To heaaaaaveeeeenly heeeeeeeere.

Sasha: He's only 8 years old!
Charlie: That's 56 in dog years.

Sasha: Fine! Don't listen to me. Listen to your guardian angel.
Charlie: David, Cannery Square sounds like a great plan to me.

Charlie: Is there a Mr. Sasha?
Sasha: No. And I'm not taking applications.

Charlie: We're talking the mean streets of Frisco here, Ace, not Mount Happy-Go-Lucky.

Charlie: Why don't you ask him yourself?
Sasha: Now that would be a miracle.
Charlie: One miracle coming up.
[disappears by taking off the collar and reappears in front of Sasha and kisses her, his miracle goes into her]
Sasha: Ugh! Of all the arrogant, presumptuous, egotistical mutts I've ever met!
David: Ahh! Now you talk.
[Sasha puts her paw over her mouth]
David: You must be an angel.

Charlie: By the way, Carface, what did you trade Red for your collar?
Carface: He wanted the bottom of my shoes, or something. Hehehe. I don't even wear shoes. Ah, stupid cat.
Red: [from the hole which he went back to Hell through] Stupid dog! It was your soul!
[Demons rise up from the hole and pull Carface into the hole as the others look down]
Carface: Let me go! Red! This is not good! Red, no! Not the flames!
Itchy: What do you know? And I thought all dogs go to Heaven.

Itchy: [Just arrived in heaven] I can't believe it! I...
[pauses]
Itchy: I'm not itchy.
Charlie: That's funny. You look like him.
Itchy: [laughing] No, I mean for the first time in my life, I don't have to scratch!
Charlie: Of course not, Itch. This is heaven. Fleas go to the other place.

Charlie: [after the root beer falls through his mouth] What?
Itchy: [sees that his and Charlie's reflections are not there] Charlie, look! We ain't - oh! We're ghosts!
Charlie: Annabelle! OF ALL THE ROTTEN TRICKS!

Charlie: [after arriving to Earth from Heaven] Hey-lo! Double chili cheeseburger with onions and pickles!

Charlie: So, is there a Mr. Sasha?
Sasha: Nope and I'm not taking applications.
Charlie: Okay. Okay but, if you were; what uh... what qualities would you be looking for?
Sasha: Oh, I don't know.
Charlie: Ah, of course you do.
Sasha: Hmmm. Well... loyalty, strength, breeding...
Charlie: I'd be good at that.
Sasha: ...humility... compassion
[Charlie accidently hits his head]
Sasha: and of course, style.

Charlie: Come on Red, you can trust me.
Red: This isn't about trust, a deal with me is binding.