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: You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place. Hades
: Hmm. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death. Hercules
: Going once... Hades
: Is there a downside to this? Hercules
: Going twice... Hades
: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. You get her out. She goes, you stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Megara
: Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her.
[calls out as Hercules goes deeper
: That's not a problem, is it?
: How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat.
: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell? Pain
: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money? Hades
: What-was-that-name-again? Meg
: Hercules. Panic
: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...? Pain
: Oh, my Gods!
[they run, Hades seizes them
: So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your *exact* words? Pain
: This might be a different Hercules. Panic
: Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays. Pain
: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?
: We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What do you say? Come on.
: It's a small underworld, after all, huh?
: Zeusy, I'm home!
: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they? Hades
: Nah. I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?
: So is this an audience or a mosaic?
: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld? Hades
: Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?
: Pain! Pain
: Coming, your most lugubriousness. Hades
: Panic! Panic
: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns
: Pain - Ow! Panic
: And Panic - eechk! Pain
: ...reporting for duty! Hades
: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive. Panic
: Oh, they're here! Hades
] What! The Fates were here and you didn't tell me? Pain
: Ohh... We are worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms
: Worthless worms! Hades
: Memo to me... Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.
: Aw, Hades, don't be such a stiff. Join the celebration. Hades
: Love to, Babe. But unlike you gods lounging about up here, I regretfully have a full-time job that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. So, can't. Love to, but can't.
[after Pain and Panic, disguised as children, are rescued by Hercules
: Stirring performance, boys. I was really moved. Panic
: "Jeepers, Mister"? Pain
: I was going for innocence.
: [after taking Hercules' powers away
] You might feel just a little queasy. It's kinda natural. Maybe you should... sit down!
[Knocks Hercules down with dumbells
: Now you now how it feels to be like everyone else. Isn't it just peachy?
: I'm sorry. You mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something... Meg
: Then read my lips - forget it! Hades
: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail?
[Hades explodes into flames
] I own you!
: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay?
: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...
[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs
: What... are... those? Pain
: Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing. Hades
: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke,
[begins to shout
: and you are wearing his merchandise?
[Hades almost blows up in front of Pain, but stops to see Panic slurping some "Herculade"
: [chuckling nervously
[Hades shouts out loud, blows up and the whole city rumbles
: Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way.
: Name's Hades, Lord of the dead. Hi, how ya doin'?
: We were so close! So close, we tripped at the finish line! Why? Because our little *nut*-Meg has to go all noble.
: Ah. There's the little sunspot. Little snootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker. Eh? Here you go. You just...
[Baby Hercules squeezes Hades' finger too tightly
: Sheesh! Uh, powerful little tyke.
: You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death!
: Oh, I kill myself! Hades
: [to himself
] If only. If only.
: Ladies. Hah. I am so sorry that I'm... The Fates
, The Fates
, The Fates
: Late. The Fates
: We knew you would be. The Fates
: We know everything. The Fates
: Past. The Fates
: Present. The Fates
: And future. The Fates
: [aside, to Pain
] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.
: I've done my part. Get your little imps... Hades
: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need somebody who can... handle him as a man. Meg
: Hey, I've sworn off manhandling. Hades
: Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh? Meg
: Look, I learned my lesson, okay? Hades
: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath, and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos: your freedom.
[Pegasus blows the flames off Hades' head
: Whoa. Is my hair out?
: [anger rising
] I'm about to rearrange the cosmos, and the one *schlemiel* who can louse it up is waltzing around in the woods!
: What d'ya say? It's happy ending time! Everybody's got a little taste of somethin' but me! I got nothin'! I'm - I'm here with nothin'! Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm - What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, it's me! Nobody listens.
: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely. Hades
: Ay, verse. Oy. The Fates
: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band. Hades
: Mmm-hmm. Good, good. The Fates
: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all! Hades
: Yes! Hades *rules*! The Fates
: A word of caution to this tale... Hades
: Excuse me? The Fates
: Should Hercules fight, you will fail.
[they laugh and disappear
: [shouting at the top of his lungs
: Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine.
: Meg, my little flower, my little bird, my little *nut*-Meg. What exactly happened here? I thought you were gonna persuade the river guardian to join my team for the uprising and here I am sort of... river-guardian-less. Meg
: Look, I gave it my best shot, but he made me an offer I had to refuse.
: [Hercules and the Hydra are fighting, and the Hydra is winning, while Hades watches
] My favorite part of the game: sudden death.
: Brothers! Titans! Look at you in your squalid prison! Who put you down there? Titans
: Zeus! Hades
: And now that I set you free, what is the first thing you are going to do? Titans
: Destroy him! Hades
: Good answer.
: Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and kick some Olympian butt!
: Well, gotta blaze. I have a whole cosmos up there waiting for me... with, hey, my name on it.
: Pain. Panic. Got a little riddle for ya. How do you kill a god? Pain
: [sounds assertive at first
] I do not... know. Panic
: You can't... they're immortal? Hades
: Bingo, they're immortal. So the first thing we gotta do is make the little sunspot... mortal.
: If I say I want Wonder Boy's head on a platter, you say...? Meg
: [without much enthusiasm
] Medium or well done?
: Let's get ready to RUMBLLLLLLE!
: Hercules, stop! You can't do this to me, you can't...
[Hercules punches Hades in the face
: Fine, okay, well I deserved that.
: Meg, listen. Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of your freedom, fluttering away, *forever*! Meg
: I don't care, I'm not going to help you hurt him! Hades
] I can't believe you're getting all worked up over some "guy." Meg
: This one is different. He's strong, he's caring, he would never do anything to hurt me... Hades
: He's a guy! Meg
] Besides, O Oneness, you *can't* beat him. He has no weaknesses! He...
[she turns and sees Hades smiling slyly at her
: I think he does, Meg.
[envelops her in his arm
: I truly think he does.
: That little squirt took down that Heartless! Who'd have thought it? Jafar
: Such is the power of the Keyblade. The child's strength is not his own. Ursula
: Why don't we turn him into a Heartless? That'll settle things quick enough. Captain Hook
: And the brat's friends are the king's lackeys. Swoogle me eyes, they're all bilge rats by the look of them. Oogie Boogie
: You're no prize yourself. Captain Hook
: Shut up! Maleficent
: Enough. The Keyblade has chosen him. Will it be he who conquers the darkness? Or will the darkness swallow him? Either way, he could be quite useful...
: Hey, it's like that old goat says: Rule 11: It's all just a game, so let loose and have fun with it! I mean, a casualty or two along the way is no big deal, right?
: Geez. Stiffer than the stiffs back home.
: Oh, right, there was one other rule I forgot: Accidents happen.
: He's strong, he's kind. He's always there for you, and he's handsome to boot. He's perfect. Perfect. Perfectly infuriating! He makes me crazy.
: Who invited you to the party? Stay out of this. This is my show. Maleficent
: As you wish. Fight to your heart's content.
: Hold it! How you're doin' everybody? Hades, Lord of the Dead nice to see ya! Hey. Guess what? I've got a place for you to go down UNDER!
[Hades summons Auron from the green vortex
: Let's cut to the chase. Here's the deal I'm gonna offer you. I'll let you out of the slammer - no strings - you'll be free as a bird.
[Pete waves to Auron a little
: And all for one little job. Fight Hercules, in the Coliseum... to the death!
[Auron's mouth can be seen
: This is my story. And you're not part of it.
[Auron draws his sword
] Did you forget who you're talking to? I am the Lord of the Dead! Auron
: Heh. No wonder no one wants to die. Hades
] You are FIRED!
[Hades gets fired up and goes against Auron
: Lowlife! Hades
: You're too kind, kid.
: I am the Lord of the DEAD! Auron
: No wonder no one wants to die.
: Don't be such a sore loser, Hades! Hades
: Yeah, yeah, Styx and stones. Hey, maybe you should go check on that Hydra you neglected to finish off. I hear things are really FALLING APART up there, champ.
: This is MY Underworld, you idiot!
: Styx and stones.
: Me want Orpheus. Hades
: You want orpheus, I'll get you orpheus. I'll even get you two of 'em. Now, what's an orpheus?
: Had I known proms were this much fun, I would've gone to mine.
: I must thank you, Hercules. Hercules
: Good, but we really should be... Orpheus
: No, seriously. I owe you one. You have saved me from me. Hades
: But can he save you from... me? Hercules and Orpheus, come on down!
: A guy walks up to a tailor with a torn chiton. He says, "Hey, I've got a torn chiton over here." The tailor asks, "Euripides?" The man says, "You-mendi-dees?" Huh? I know you're out there, 'cause I can hear you rotting.
: [Booming voice
] Mortal! On your knees and gaze upon my magnificent evil! Orpheus
] Who are you? Hades
: Oy, why do I even bother? Name's Hades, Lord of the Underworld. Hi, how ya doin'?
: Seriously, this guy's huge. He makes the Colossus of Rhodes look like a lawn jockey.
: You are specks of dust beneath our fingernails. Your very breath is a gift from Olympus. You have insulted powers beyond your comprehension.
: Let me loose upon them.
: In 10 days, when the sun is eclipsed, I will unleash the Kraken. Argos will be swept from the earth and all of you with it. Unless you sacrifice the princess you so foolish compare to the gods. Only her blood will sate the Kraken and Zeus, who you have so offended. Choose your penance, Argos. Destruction of sacrifice. This is the will of Zeus.
[turns his attention to Perseus
: The will of your father.
[seeing Perseus after destroying his family
[Perseus draws his divine sword at Hades
: I'm a god! I will live forever! Perseus
: But not here.
[hurls the sword at Hades, and a lightning bolt from Zeus hits Hades at the same time
: You're sweating like a human... next it will be tears.
: Why are you doing this? Hades
: You want me to say it, brother? You want me to say I'm afraid? Doesn't that go without saying? When mortals die, their souls go somewhere - there's no place where gods go when they die! There's nothing, just oblivion...
: Hades, I am so sorry for having done this to you. Can you ever forgive me? Hades
: Why do you ask this? Zeus
: Because I forgive you, for this.
: All my power is spent. Who knows, I may be stronger without it...
: Who comes uninvited to my kingdom? Orpheus
: I am Orpheus, king of Thrace, son of Calliope. Hades
: And what does King Orpheus seek from Hades? Orpheus
: The soul now before you in judgement. Eurydice, my wife. Hades
: No soul returns from my kingdom. Orpheus
: Love is stronger than death. Hades
] Nothing is stronger than death, little musician.
: Fear me. I am the bored audience at the theater. A knock on the door when you least expect it. I am the one whose name must not be spoken for fear I hear it and sit next to you. I am the pain in your arm at four in the morning, the headache that will not shift, the sour taste in your mouth of everything you ever did.
: Death is unimpressed.
: You're early, nephew. Ares
: Not that I don't cherish your company, my dear uncle, but I'm afraid I'm only visiting today. Hades
: You are here for a favor. Ares
: I am. Hades
: Perhaps then you can enlighten me as to why you think I would remove your bands. Is it because I've longed for a return of your power-crazed ways? Or maybe, I wish to see you act again without regard for your divine brothers and sisters. Or is it simply because I am so easily manipulated and like a dog, will obey any command? Ares
: It is simplicity itself. Once these bands are removed, I will wage a war against humanity the likes of which this world has never seen. Its populace will choke on death. And you will be flooded with more servants to glorify you than you will possibly know what to do with it.
[Ares returns to the Underworld after being decapitated by Wonder Woman
: A tragedy. A terrible, terrible tragedy. How it weighs on my heart to see you like this. When my brother asked me not to remove your bands he said I was only dooming you, that he could not save you from yourself yet again. Perhaps, I should have listened.
[Hades sees Hippolyta chained to a stone column
] Lord Hades
: Do my eyes deceive me? Is that my dearest Hippolyta here to greet her lord and master on his triumphant return from...
[Hades takes off his helmet
] Lord Hades
: Ah, but you know where I've been.
: [to Hades
] My lord, I have upheld my end of the bargin. Now, I demand what you promised me. Lord Hades
: Ah, yes, ultimate knowledge.
[Hades puts his finger to Faust's head and Faust starts to age and fall apart
] Lord Hades
: Ultimately, pain and suffering are all man will ever know.
] Persephone! What could possibly be taking so long? Don't ignore me! Persephone
: [yells back
] Or what? What will you do?
: I'm already in Hell.
: Percy Jackson. Bring me the bolt. Be a good boy. Hand it to me and I'll exchange it for your mother. Chiron
: Percy! Listen- Percy! Percy Jackson
: [he walks towards him
] My mother's gone! Hades
: No. Your mother is still alive. I sent the Minotaur to abduct her. She's here with me in the Underworld.
[He helds out his palm to reveal a ball of fire that forms a figure of Percy's mom
] Sally Jackson
[Hades swipes his hand and she disappears
] Percy Jackson
: What have you done with my mother? Hades
: If you ever want to see your mother again, you will bring me the bolt!
[disappears in a fiery tornado
: It's hard to be a savior if no one wants you to save them.
: The Gods don't like it when mortals play with their toys.
: Seeing the surface world fall was my one chance at happiness, and you ruined it! Hulk
: Herc can find a unicorn for you to ride, would that cheer you up?
: The god of the underworld does not play dead!
: We've come to put you back on the throne. Lord Hades
: Or die trying? Shayera Hol
: Not in the plan.
: How did you THINK it would end?
: [holding the Olympian Crystal
] This isn't going to kill you. It's going to *end* you. No Underworld, no moving on. One minute, you exist, and the next... you don't.
: [in his dying breath
] He knows...
[gives Mitchell a data chip
: Irons knows...
: Ok lets Rock & Roll! Medusa
: Count me out I'm not in the mood tonight. Hades
: Sorry! You signed a contract. No pay, no play.
Epic (2006) (V)
: Tell me this, Hades: why are you so happy all the time? You spend your life surrounded by death and pain and destruction. Hades
: Well, here's what I say, I read this in a book: you can't escape your true individual. I happen to be death and pain and finances, and as long as that's what I am I'm not gonna try and hide it. I'm gonna express it to the extent, and I am so happy right now. I mean, potentially you could do the same - you're a hero or a fisherman or a salesman - you know whatever you are, it's great! But... as long as you find that true self... that you have... everything'll work out.