Fred Jones
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Quotes for
Fred Jones (Character)
from "Scooby Doo, Where Are You!" (1969)

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Scooby-Doo (2002)
Fred: This is more embarrassing than the time you started cleaning your beans at Don Knotts' Christmas party.

Shaggy: Hey, you guys, look. I know I'm just the dude that carries the bags, but it seems to me we all play an important part in this group. I mean, we're just like a big, delicious banana split. Fred, you're the big banana; Daphne, you're the pastrami and bubble gum-flavoured ice cream; and Velma, you're the sweet-and-sour mustard sauce that goes on top.
Scooby Doo: Mmm-mm.
Shaggy: That sounds pretty good, doesn't it?
Velma: You know what, Shaggy? You've really put it into perspective for me.
Shaggy: Thanks.
Velma: I quit!
Shaggy: NO!
Daphne: No way! You... you can't quit! I was gonna quit in, like, two seconds! And now everyone is gonna totally think I copied off the smart girl!
Fred: Now, wait a minute. wait a minute. Maybe I quit. I do. Yeah, I quit!
Velma: I'm outta here!
Daphne: Good riddance.
Shaggy: Don't... no! Don't go. Come on, guys, don't do this! Please, don't go.
Scooby Doo: Do I quit?
Shaggy: No, Scoob... friends don't quit. Well, it looks like it's just you and me for a while, buddy, old pal.

Shaggy: Hey buddy.
Fred: Shaggy... listen man,someone must have spiked my root beer last night. Talk me down man,talk me down.
Shaggy: Fred,you're a freakin' protoplasmic head.
Fred: I know. But I'm still the best looking protoplasmic head here,I mean.

Fred: Man, we got beats like it was the lizniz on earth, ya know what I'm sayin', G?
Shaggy: [nods, pauses] No.

Velma: I know you. All you care about are swimsuit models.
Fred: Look, I'm a man of substance. Dorky chicks like you turn me on, too.

Fred: Yo-Yo the bi-atch was like what? And I was like layta on.
Shaggy: Fred.
Fred: Yo. What up, dawg?
[to Scooby]
Fred: And, uh... dog?
Scooby Doo: Keepin' it real.

Fred: How many times do I have to tell you? There is no such thing as ghouls, ghosts, goblins or monsters! Listen up, there is absolutely ABSOLUTELY NO SUCH THING AS...
[monster bursts through glass behind him]

Scrappy Doo: Scrappy-Dappy-Doo!
Scooby Doo: Hey!
Scrappy Doo: Ghosts don't stand a chance with me! Let me at em. I'll rock 'em and sock 'em.
Fred: Scrappy, for the thousandth time, there's no such things as ghosts!
Scrappy Doo: Sure there are, and when I find them I'll give them a good of puppy power!
[Urinates on Daphne]
Scrappy Doo: Ta-da!
Daphne: Oh, God! He's peeing on me!

Fred: Mr. Mononucleosis, we have hit a clue smorgasboard.

Fred: The prince's got his groove on.

Fred: I'm me!
Daphne: I'm back.
Shaggy: Like, me too.
Velma: Told you so.

Fred: Scrappy, I told you no urinating on Daphne.
Scrappy Doo: It was an accident!
Fred: You were marking your territory!

Velma: Daphne? Are you okay?
Daphne: I am so over this damsel in distress nonsense.
Fred: Uh, where's Shagster?
Shaggy: Like, I'm right here, man.
Scooby Doo: Me too.
Shaggy: Hey, Scoob, that was fun. Let's grab another skateboard and, like, do it again,man.
Scooby Doo: Yeah.

Fred: [in Daphne's body] Hey! I can look at myself naked!
Velma: Oh brother.

Velma: I'm gonna solve this one first.
Fred: Not before I solve it first.
Daphne: You guys are going to look like total,total idiots when you're captured and I'm the one saving you.
Mondavarious: Well done.

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004)
Daphne: Freddy, are you okay? Wanna talk?
Fred: Talkin's for wimps.
[Fred gets out of the mystery machine]
Fred: It's time for action.

Fred: Hey! He said my thing that I say!

Daphne: Fred, do you think that I'm just a pretty face?
Fred: No. I mean... yes. I mean *not fat*. Definitely *not fat*. Is this sort of you're looking for?
Daphne: Fat? Why did you even use that word?

Fred: I'm affraid. I'm a wimp, huh?
Daphne: That doesn't make you a wimp. Makes you human.

Daphne: They're cheering for us again.
Fred: I always thought that was the best thing in the world. I guess I found something a bit better.

Daphne: Where is it?
Velma: [mumbling] I gave it to Shaggy and Scooby.
Fred: Ha, that's funny. It sounded like you said you gave it to Shaggy and Scooby.

Fred: You can't fool me with that macho facade. You're just afraid to show your sensitive side.
Black Knight Ghost: Oh... you've touched my inner child... and he's REALLY MAD!

Shaggy: [trying to act like Fred, Daphne, and Velma and reading fax paper upside down] What markings are these?
Fred: [turns fax right side up] Words
Shaggy: Ah, words

Fred: And the real identity of Ned is...
[Fred pulls Ned's Hair]
Ned: Ow!
Fred: [angrily] Ned!

Fred: This is bad.
Shaggy: No doubt.
Fred: Shaggy?
Shaggy: Yeah?
Fred: Who's driving?
Shaggy: Uhh...
[the gang looks back to see who is driving with no one there but Scooby in the passenger seat]
Scooby-Doo: Rello!

Fred: They're totally having a montage in there without us.

Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998) (V)
Velma Dinkley: [trying to find Shaggy and Scooby] I think we should split up.
Fred Jones: Good idea!
Daphne Blake: I'll go with Beau.
Fred Jones: [frowning] Bad idea!

Daphne Blake: [after a birthday surprise by the gang] I've been working so hard lately, I completely forgot today was my birthday.
Fred Jones: I hope you don't mind. I asked the gang to come along.
Daphne Blake: Freddie, it's the best birthday present ever. It'll be like old times.

Simone Lenoir: The Harvest Moon will soon reach the midnight point on this moon dial. And then, the ceremony will begin!
Fred Jones: What ceremony?
Daphne Blake: You won't get away with this!
Simone Lenoir: I've been getting away with it for 200 years!
[she suddenly turns into a werecat and grins as they gasp in horror]
Fred Jones: At least, Scoob and Shaggy are still free, maybe...
Lena Dupree: I heard that, Fred! Those two simpletons? We didn't even bother making wax dolls of them. Waste of time and magic wax!
Fred Jones: Just what do you intend to do with us?
Simone Lenoir: Ah, it's simple. Every Harvest Moon, I must drain the life force from victims lured to my island, to preserve our immortality.
Daphne Blake: This is more haunted stuff than I really wanted!

Simone Lenoir: Sometimes, it became necessary for Lena to lure outsiders back to the island.
Fred Jones: [angrily] Just like you lured us!
Lena Dupree: I've had years of practice!
Daphne Blake: And those zombies are just the poor souls you drained! They were just trying to warn us so that we wouldn't suffer the same fate they did!
Simone Lenoir: Pretty smart for a television reporter.

Fred Jones: [Daphne has knocked out a zombie and Fred tries to unmask it while she films] It's the gardener.
Daphne Blake: No!
Fred Jones: [tugs on the zombie's face some more] It's the fisherman.
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: No!
Fred Jones: [continues pulling] It's the ferryman.
[pulls the zombie's head off]
Fred Jones: Maybe it's... real?
[tosses the zombie's head away]
Fred Jones: Yaaaah!
[Daphne catches the head then tosses it to Shaggy, who tosses it to Scooby, who then tosses it back at the zombie]
Daphne Blake: I, I told you it wasn't a mask!
Fred Jones: It, it must be animatronic!
[the zombie gets up and screws his head back on]

Daphne Blake: [opens the kitchen cabinet after hearing Shaggy and Scooby scream from the kitchen to see them shivering in it] Peppers, again?
Scooby-Doo: Ruh-uh! Writing!
Fred Jones: Writing? What writing?
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: [points to a wall where a ghost scratched "GET OUT" into it] L-l-l-like, ghost writing! This place is haunted!

Velma Dinkley: [Lena leads the Mystery Gang to a mysterious room at the end of an underground passage] Looks like a place for voodoo rituals. But why don't we just ask Lena?
Fred Jones: Lena? What are you talking about?
Velma Dinkley: Her story about Simone being dragged by zombies wasn't true! I saw the footprints of Simone's heels. She wasn't dragged. She walked down that tunnel!
Simone Lenoir: [turns a crank to open the roof where moonlight shines in and enters with a sinister look] Very clever, Velma, but it's too late!

Daphne Blake: What do we have to lose? It's the best lead we've had all day!
Fred Jones: And that Lena is kinda cute.
[Takes a bite out of one of his bénies with some of the frosting getting onto his upper lip]
Daphne Blake: Fred!
Fred Jones: I just meant she'd be very photogenic for our statement. Mmm.
Daphne Blake: Right.
[holds a handkerchief in front of him]
Daphne Blake: Uh... wipe your upper lip, Romeo!

Lena Dupree: Sorry, Fred. I really do like you.
[Holds up a voodoo doll of him and moves it to a wall, which makes him fly back first into the opposite wall]
Fred Jones: [strained] What would you do if you *didn't* like me?

Aloha, Scooby-Doo! (2005) (V)
Manu Tuiama: I really appreciate all you're doing to help me find Snookie, especially given the danger.
Fred Jones: Danger is my middle name.
Velma Dinkley: I thought it was Herman.

Auntie Mahina: If the ancient mythology is true, the Wiki Tiki will sacrifice Manu and Snookie by throwing them into the volcano.
Daphne Blake: Oh, no!
Fred Jones: Then we've got to climb up there and stop him.
Auntie Mahina: You must go and find the entrance to his lair and enter *through* the mountain.
Shaggy: You mean, like, through spooky caves and stuff?
Auntie Mahina: Yes, through spooky caves and stuff.

[the gang are exploring a cave and Shaggy and Scooby are spooked by a skeleton dressed like Gilligan]
Shaggy: Fred, could I make a suggestion?
Fred Jones: Let me guess. You wanna leave and never come back.
Shaggy: Wow, groovy. It's like you read my mind.

Fred Jones: All right, gang, this is it. When the going gets tough, what do we do?
Shaggy: Bury our heads in the sand?

Scooby-Doo and the Monster of Mexico (2003) (V)
Doña Dolores: Diego Fuente used to do business with my late husband. I don't trust him, never did. He is a... how you say in America?
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: Crook?
Daphne Blake: Liar?
Velma Dinkley: Con man?
Doña Dolores: [waits a beat] Jerk!

Daphne Blake: Okay, Fred, how do you say "hopelessly lost" in Spanish?
Velma Dinkley: It looks like the woods get thicker up ahead.
Daphne Blake: Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: We might.
Velma Dinkley: Mostly coyotes and jaguars and boars.
Daphne Blake: Coyotes?
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: And jaguars?
Velma Dinkley: And boars.
Daphne Blake: Oh, my!

Fred's computer: All right! You've got mail!

Fred 'Freddy' Jones: [after reading Valejo's email] Sound's great! And I can practice my Spanish!
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: [after forwarding the message to Daphne] I thought I'd catch you at your computer. So what do you think?
Daphne Blake: [after reading the message and agreeing with Fred] Of course, I'd love to go to Mexico, yes! I mean-Sí! Let's ask Velma.
Velma Dinkley: [doing a search on her computer and receives the message] Mexico? The art, the museums, the pyramids. I'm there!
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: [to both girls] Great! Let's check with the guys.
[Scooby and Shaggy eating a microwave pizza]
Shaggy: [after waiting impatiently for Scooby at his computer] Mexico? Tomorrow?
[chuckles softly]
Shaggy: [to Scooby] Like, what do we got tomorrow, Scoob? Let's see.
Shaggy: [pulls out a palm pilot and reads what's onscreen] Daydreaming at 10:00, napping, snoozing, relaxing. Sorry guys, looks like I'm booked.
Scooby-Doo: Reah, rooked!
[both Shaggy and Scooby laugh]
Velma Dinkley: [to Shaggy] Do you realize we'll be there for the annual Day of the Dead celebration?
[Shaggy and Scooby stop laughing, only to be shocked by Velma's news]
Shaggy: [to Velma] Like, what's that?
Velma Dinkley: A holiday in which families gather at the cemetery to celebrate their ancestors who are allowed to come back to Earth for two days.
Shaggy: [frightened by Velma's description] Cemetary? Sounds scary!
[Scooby runs into a wardrobe hiding]
Velma Dinkley: [calming Shaggy down] Not at all. Just a bunch of kids in costumes. Lots of skeleton shaped cookies and candy.
[Scooby walks around in the wardrobe]
Daphne Blake: Basically, it's non-stop eating.
Shaggy: [Scooby pops out of the dresser, excited]
Shaggy: [to Scooby] Sounds like Halloween!
Velma Dinkley: Exactly!
Daphne Blake: So, what do you say?
Shaggy: Can't talk now, guys. Like, Scoob and I gotta pack!

Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase (2001) (V)
[the Mystery Gang meet their cyber doubles]
Shaggy, Cyber Shaggy: Zoinks!
Shaggy: You're me!
Cyber Shaggy: And, like, you're me!
Velma: You're the characters in Eric's video game.
Cyber Velma: And you're from the real world!
Velma, Cyber Velma: Jinkies!
Daphne Blake: [after looking at Cyber Daphne's wardrobe] Did I really wear that years ago?
Cyber Daphne: [after looking at the "real" Daphne's wardrobe] That jacket with that skirt?
Daphne Blake, Cyber Daphne: Hmm...
Fred: [complimenting Cyber Fred's wardrobe] Nice ascot.
Cyber Fred: [chuckles] Works for me.

[Scooby and Shaggy see tomatoes growing in the lab and attempt to them]
Shaggy: Zoinks!
Scooby-Doo: Wow!
Bill McLemore: You don't wanna eat those.
Shaggy, Scooby-Doo: Huh?
Bill McLemore: Because they were grown in radioactive soil.
Shaggy: [alarmed] Zoinks!
[Scooby and Shaggy try cleaning the soil off their hands using Shaggy's shirt as a cleanser]
Bill McLemore: Everyone, this is my lab partner, Bill McLamore.
Shaggy, Fred, Velma, Daphne Blake: Hi. Nice to meet you.
Velma: Thanks for keeping Shaggy and Scooby from glowing in the dark.
Eric Staufer: We'll go to dinner after the tour.
Shaggy: But first, can you show us your new video game? Scoob and I have been dying to play it!
Professor Robert Kaufman: No one's playing the game until we get rid of our problem.
Eric Staufer: Professor Kauffman, I'd like you to meet the Mystery Gang I based my game on.
[the Mystery Gang introduces themselves to Kauffman]
Professor Robert Kaufman: Ah, the famous Mystery, Inc.
Shaggy: And that's Scooby-Doo.
[Scooby looks through oddly shaped beakers at his own reflection laughing at them]

Velma: [about the cyber Mystery Gang's wardrobe] I guess it's been a while since we've seen Eric. He hasn't seen our fashion changes.
Daphne Blake: [to Cyber Daphne] We'll go shopping later.
Cyber Shaggy: [carrying a mountain of french fries in a basket to the table] Like, why don't you join us for a little snack?
Shaggy: Man, I thought you'd never ask!
[the Scoobys create a diversion to swipe the basket away from the two Shaggys]
Shaggy: [throws a French fry to Scooby] Here you go, pal.
Scooby-Doo: Rhanks a rot!
Cyber Shaggy, Shaggy: [after noticing the fries are gone] Huh? Hey!
[Both Scooby and Cyber Scooby are scorching down the basket of fries]
Velma: [to the Scoobys] We don't have time to play around. We need to find the Scooby Snax and get outta here!
Cyber Shaggy: You guys need to relax.
Cyber Daphne: Yeah, what are you worried about?
Daphne Blake: Aren't you afraid of the Phantom Virus?
Cyber Fred: Phantom who? Never heard of him.
Daphne Blake: You're kidding!
Velma: Oh, I get it. The Virus isn't part of this game. He has no reason to be looking for our cyber doubles.
[the Phantom Virus approaches the Cyber Café]
Shaggy: You cyber guys are lucky! The Phantom Virus is creepy and has this really scary laugh.
[the Phantom Virus is heard laughing in the distance]
Shaggy: Just like that.
Phantom Virus: Come out and play!
Velma: [as she and Cyber Fred look out the window to see the Phantom Virus is actually standing outside] It's him!
Phantom Virus: Come out, come out!
Cyber Fred: Let's get outta here! The Mystery Machine is out back.
Cyber Fred, Fred: [in unison] I'll drive.

Fred: [while riding in the "classic" Mystery Machine] Wow, this is nostalgic! I miss this old van.
Cyber Fred: In Cyber World, things never get old. It's pretty cool. There's a lot to like in Cyber World. There's stores, theaters, and parks, and lots of tasty food.
Cyber Daphne: But what about all the monsters and villains?
Cyber Shaggy: We haven't seen any. They're probably guarding the Scooby Snacks.
Velma: You mean, you guys don't know where the Scooby Snacks are?
Cyber Velma: We know where they are. There's just no reason go after them, because even if we get the Scooby Snacks, we'd just go right back to the beginning of the game.
Cyber Daphne: And we like it here.
Cyber Shaggy: Until you guys showed up with that Phantom Virus, that is.
Velma: We would gladly get rid of him for you.
Cyber Daphne: If we could.
Fred: You know, if all ten of us team up, the Phantom Virus wouldn't stand a chance!
Cyber Fred: [in agreement] Yeah!
Cyber Shaggy: [after giving this some thought] Well, I guess we gonna go after the Scooby Snax eventually.
Daphne Blake: [to the cyber gang] So you'll help?
Cyber Fred: Count us in!

Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost (1999) (V)
[after retrieving Sarah Ravencroft's spell book]
Daphne: Why go through this elaborate scheme? Why not just ask us to find the book?
Velma: I know why. Because if we knew what that book was, we would never have helped him!
Ben Ravencroft: But even you can imagine the real power of this book. No mere mortal can.
Fred Jones: You've reading too many of your own horror stories, Ravencroft!
Ben Ravencroft: A typical mortal response, but I am descended form a superior breed. I shall unlock the power of the imprisoned Sarah Ravencroft! Together, we shall reign supreme!

Daphne: So Freddy, why do you always pair us up?
Fred Jones: [nervously] Uh, well I thought about that for the longest time, and there's never been a good time to tell you
[Daphne leans over ready to kiss him]
Fred Jones: maybe it's time I, well that I...
[interrupts her noticing the Hex Girls]
Fred Jones: Hey, here they come!

Velma: You won't get away with this, Ben Ravencroft!
Ben Ravencroft: Why? Because of you meddling kids?
Fred Jones: [frowning] Hey, we're not kids!

The Scooby-Doo Project (1999) (TV)
Velma Dinkley: Hello, I'm Velma Dinkley, and this is a documentary of one of our mysteries. That's Scooby Doo...
Scooby Doo: Hello.
Velma Dinkley: ...Fred Jones and Daphne Blake.
Fred: Hey, Howya doin'?
Daphne Blake: Of course, I wanna play myself in the movie version.
Velma Dinkley: And that's Norville Rogers.
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: It's Shaggy! Like nobody calls me "Norville"!
Fred: What's the matter, Norville?
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Th-th-that's not on tape is it?
Daphne Blake: Something wrong, Norville?
Fred: Norville, Norville, Norville!
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Very funny!
Scooby Doo: Norville!
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Et tu, Scoob?

Velma Dinkley: Okay now we're trying to put the tent up before it gets too dark, so I'm going to keep rolling in case that spook appears
[shows a tent being put up]
Velma Dinkley: we got to make sure we put the tent tarp on
[shows a hammer pounding in the tent spikes]
Velma Dinkley: now we're putting the stakes up to hold the tent
Fred: Will you please put the camera down Velma? It might be easier without it
Velma Dinkley: Well I don't want to miss anything!
Daphne Blake, Fred: Shut the *beep* up!

Fred: Wait a minute I found a clue, foot prints, wow like this creature must have ten legs!
Velma Dinkley: No, those are our foot prints, those are our foot prints!
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: You mean we've gone in a big circle? Oh man this is so *beep*ed up!
Scooby Doo: Yeah not cool!
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: We're toast man, like toast!

"What's New, Scooby-Doo?: Simple Plan and the Invisible Madman (#2.9)" (2004)
Velma: [the gang and the band are outside the diner, after the Invisible Madman attacks and ruins the band's rehearsal] Even though I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation, that was way scary!
Fred: At least, we're all safe!
Chuck Comeau: [notices Jeff missing] Well, not everyone. Where's Jeff?
Pierre Bouvier: [looks at Chuck, worried] You don't think he was...?
Shaggy: [Shaggy is scared and worried] Kidnapped by the Invisible Madman?
Pierre Bouvier: I was gonna say, "trying to get out of practice", but that's much worse.
Fred: [looks at Velma, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby and thinks of a plot] OK, gang,
[not noticing the band is behind them]
Fred: and uh... band, I've got a plan! Let's split up and look for clues.
Velma: [Velma notices weird footprints leading to the forest] There are footprints here leading out into the forest.
Daphne: Does an invisible man leave footprints?
Fred: Well, there's only one way to find out!
[points out at the girls, Chuck and Pierre]
Fred: Velma, Daphne, Chuck, Pierre and I will follow those tracks.
[points to Shaggy, Scooby, Seb and David]
Fred: Shaggy, you, Scooby, David and Seb take a look around town, and see if you can find any trace of Jeff!
Sebastien Lefebvre: [looking at David] Sounds good!
Velma: [is worried] And complicated.
Sebastien Lefebvre: [talking about Scooby] I'm not worried, since we have that big, strong dog on our team.
[Scooby looks at Seb proudly]
David Desrosiers: [also talking about Scooby] Yeah, I bet nothing frightens him!
[Fred, Daphne and Velma giggle to themselves]
David Desrosiers: [looks at them laughing] What?
Velma, Fred, Daphne: [at different times] Oh, nothing.

Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, Pierre Bouvier, Sebastien Lefebvre, Chuck Comeau: [Fred, Seb, Pierre, Chuck, Daphne, Velma and Shaggy are buried in the snow, trying to shake the snow off them. Scooby gets snow in his fur, and shakes the snow off, but gets snow on them] No, Scooby, stop, Scoob!
Scooby-Doo: [giggles] Sorry!
Fred: Is everyone OK?
Shaggy: [Shaggy sees Chuck and Seb dangling from the cliff] Something tells me *they're* not!
Sebastien Lefebvre, Chuck Comeau: Help! Help! Pierre, help me! Help!
Pierre Bouvier: [sees the boys get kidnapped] Oh, no! Chuck and Seb! But that means... I'm the only one left!
Daphne: Well, have you ever thought about a solo career?
[Pierre glances at Daphne, angry]
Daphne: Heh, just asking.

Fred: [Fred and the gang have just rescued the band from the safe. Their equipment is in the middle of the empty street] Since the Invisible Madman has been targeting you guys, all you have to do is start playing and he'll show up!
Pierre Bouvier: No way! We're not gonna be live bait!
Shaggy: [Shaggy laughs] I knew I liked you guys!
Scooby-Doo: Yeah!
Daphne: [Daphne holds up a box of Scooby Snacks] Um... would you do it for some Scooby Snacks?
Pierre Bouvier: [Pierre and the boys are confused as to what "Scooby Snacks" are] "Scooby Snacks"?
Jeff Stinco: What are those?
Chuck Comeau: [disgusted] Yuck!
Sebastien Lefebvre: Huh?
David Desrosiers: Dog treats?
[Daphne tosses the band a Scooby Snack each; and the boys look at it, not knowing what to do with it; except for Seb, who eats his; and then smiles]
Sebastien Lefebvre: Let's do it!
[to the band]
Sebastien Lefebvre: One, two, three, four!
[Simple Plan start playing the intro to their song, "I'd Do Anything"; only to be interrupted by the Invisible Madman knocking over their band equipment]

"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: Wednesday Is Missing (#1.3)" (1972)
Daphne: Something brushed against me!
Fred: That was me!
Shaggy: That's nothing, a *brush* brushed against me!
Pugsley Addams: That was Cousin It.

Velma: [in Fester's lab] Uh oh, I just remembered something. Remember what Uncle Fester made in his lab?
Fred: Yeah, fireworks, so?
[looks at the candle he's holding]
Fred: You don't mean...
Velma: Yep, Roman Candles.
[it explodes]
Daphne: Sparks are landing on the other fireworks!
Fred: Girls, it's time to get out of here!

"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: The Secret of Shark Island (#1.8)" (1972)
Freddy: Come on, Mr. Bono, you don't believe in ghosts, do ya?
Cher: Yeah, what are you, a man or a mouse, squeak up!
Sonny Bono: No, I don't believe in ghosts, like any other sensible person, I'm afraid of them.

Velma: That's the first seaweed that ever clanged...
Freddy: Right. It looks and sounds like gold.

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: The Horrible Herd (#2.17)" (2013)
Mayor Janet Nettles: All the roads leading in and out of the city have been eaten. They're cutting us off.
Sheriff Stone: Perhaps as a species our our time is over. It's evolution, people. We should all submit to the herd. I think I'll see if they're hiring any sheriffs.
Mayor Janet Nettles: Bronson, although I find your immediate surrender oddly endearing, you're not going anywhere. Kids, there must be a way to stop these things.
Daphne Blake: I think I have it. It's all the pieces, all the clues. Especially the fact that Professor Pericles referred to all the skull cattle as male drones. And then there's the sweet cheese.
Shaggy Rogers: I think I see where you're going with this, Daph. If Scooby and I can eat all that honey sweet cheese, those things will starve and we'll save the town.
Scooby-Doo: Count me in. I'm ready to eat my way to victory.
Daphne Blake: That's not what I was thinking. They're like bees. The herd is all male drones. So there must be a queen in the cow hive at Destroido.
Velma Dinkley: Daphne, that's so genius I should have thought of it. They'll be totally protective of their queen. If we could capture the queen cow...
Fred Jones: We could use her to lead the herd away from the town.
Sheriff Stone: I don't know. I don't know, I think my plan of letting the herd enslave humanity is pretty darn good.
Fred Jones: My fake father mayor dad used to keep a helicopter here at city hall.
Mayor Janet Nettles: I still have it. Quick, it's our only chance.

Mayor Janet Nettles: [after luring the skull cattle into the ocean] You did it, kids! You saved the town!
Daphne Blake: I feel a little sorry for those skull cattle. It's not their fault they're horrible genetically engineered mutants.
Fred Jones: Look!
[the skull cattle surface in the water]
Fred Jones: Those things are part fish, rememner? They can swim.
Velma Dinkley: Whoa. What have we done?
Shaggy Rogers: You mean, like, other than release unnatural super predators into the ecosystem?
Sheriff Stone: It's best to just walk away from this one, kids. Just walk... away.
[everyone slowly backs away]

"Robot Chicken: Operation Rich in Spirit (#1.17)" (2005)
Daphne: [She falls backwards from the cabin into a little outdoor layer] That must be Jason's dead mother. This explains everything.
Fred: [He falls on Daphne] That must be Jason's dead mother. This explains everything.
Daphne: Fred, you're an asshole! And that ascot makes you look gay.

Fred: I suggest we split up. Shaggy and Scooby, you check the campground. Velma, you check the woods. Daphne and I will check out the bunkhouse and have some of that nice sex until you get back.
Phyllis Diller: Sex? You? With her? But with that dickey, you couldn't even bag an old bag like me!
Fred: [Fred smacks Phyllis] It's an ascot, you old whore! An ascot!
Phyllis Diller: [Phyllis punches out Fred] Well, your ass got laid out by this old whore, dickey!

Scooby Doo! First Frights (2009) (VG)
Shaggy Rogers: [Velma bursts into the clubhouse] Yikes!
Velma Dinkley: Wow! A little on edge?
Shaggy Rogers: Sorry, Velma. Like, he haven't eaten since the snack after lunchtime snack.
Velma Dinkley: Shaggy, Scooby, you guys are going to love me!
[puts a newspaper article on the table]
Velma Dinkley: The Keystone Castle International Food Festival!
Shaggy Rogers: Food Festival?
Fred Jones: A castle? Sounds like it could be a fun type of vacation.
Daphne Blake: Oh, it's beautiful! Look at the amazing scenery!
Velma Dinkley: And there's even an eating competition.
Shaggy Rogers: [Scooby faints] Scoob, this is, like, no time for sleeping, man! We've gotta start clearing all the shelves!
Fred Jones: Why do that now?
Shaggy Rogers: To make room for the trophies we're totally gonna be bringing back.
Daphne Blake: I'd really love to go, but I promised we'd help my cousin Anna win her school talent contest.
Fred Jones: We'll be there, Daph.
[to Shaggy and Scooby]
Fred Jones: I've heard St. Louis High has the biggest cafeteria in the state!
Scooby-Doo: The biggest? Yum!
Shaggy Rogers: And cafeterias always have the best customers, like us!
Daphne Blake: So as much as I'd like to see the castle, can Anna count on us?
Shaggy Rogers: Totally! With Scoob and my sweet dance moves in her act, she'll get her first place trophy. Then we can go eat our way to ours.

Shaggy Rogers: Like, that witch didn't have a sense of humour, but she sure did bring down the house! Hahaha!
Scooby-Doo: Hehehehe!
Baron: You did it, kids! I may not have a castle, but a curse I can certainly do without. I can't thank you enough!
Fred Jones: We're just happy to help, Your Baronhood. It was a tricky mystery to figure out.
Velma Dinkley: Yeah, who would've thought the castle had a secret gold mine underneath it?
[to Baron]
Velma Dinkley: And your sister would want you gone, so she could have the gold all to herself!
Fred Jones: Yeah, how did your castle do that stuff with the lightning, and the magic, and the getting bigger?
Baron: I beg your pardon, but what sister? I don't have a sister.
Fred Jones: Yes you do. Lady Azarni. She lives in the castle with you.
Baron: Nobody lives in Keystone Castle but me and the servants. And I am an only child.
Fred Jones: But we saw Costington talk to her!
Daphne Blake: Actually Freddie, all you saw was Lady Azarni talk to Costington.
Velma Dinkley: [thunder rumbles, startling the group] I guess that's a mystery that will have to remain unsolved.
Shaggy Rogers: Fine with me!
Scooby-Doo: Me too!
Costington: Excuse me, sirs and madams, The Food Festival...
Costington: pig-out party... is served.
Shaggy Rogers: All right!
Scooby-Doo: Scooby-Dooby-
Scooby-Doo: -Food!
[camera pans up to show the Witch Queen flying out of the castle]

"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: The Dynamic Scooby-Doo Affair (#1.2)" (1972)
Fred: [sees two people come in the front door] It's Batman and Robin!
Daphne: What're you doing here?

Velma: What about the vanishing house?
The Joker: The WHAT?
Fred: The farmhouse that really isn't there.
The Joker: Listen you young jackanapes, *I'm* supposed to be the one making the jokes around here.
Daphne: Do you know who Mrs. Baker is?
The Joker: Sure I know who Mrs. Baker is
[points to Scooby]
The Joker: that creature's mother. Bow wow! Arf arf!
Scooby-Doo: Sheesh! Cooorrrny!

Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare (2010) (V)
Freddy Jones: [the gang prepare to split up and seach for clues] Who's with me?
Jessica: I'll go. I'm a certified scuba instructor.
Daphne Blake: [imitating Jessica] 'I'm a certified scuba instructor... '
[Velma giggles]
Freddy Jones: What was that, Daph?
Daphne Blake: Huh? Nothing. I'll go with you.

Freddy Jones: Okay gang, here's the plan. An hour of canoeing, two hours of fishing, followed by a half hour of swimming!
Daphne Blake: In... there?
[cut to Little Moose Lake, which is extremely dirty and disgusting like a swamp]
Freddy Jones: Yep.
Luke: Hey, why don't we go up to Big Moose Lake? That lake is sweet.
Freddy Jones: Oh no, not Big Moose Lake. We can't go up there.
Luke: Why not?
Freddy Jones: Because Big Moose Lake is haunted.
Shaggy Rogers: [nervous] I'm out.
Velma Dinkley: Wait a minute. How can a *lake* be haunted?
Freddy Jones: Many years ago, there was a camper named Neil Fisher. The other kids picked on him all the time, so he spent most of his days swimming in Big Moose Lake. In fact, he spent so much time in the water he grew gills and fins. He became the Fishman. And he haunts Big Moose Lake to this day.
Shaggy Rogers: Is that true?
Velma Dinkley: Of course not. He just doesn't want us to go to Big Moose Lake.
Freddy Jones: Guys, we've got a perfectly good lake right here.
Daphne Blake: [sternly] We're going to Big Moose.
Freddy Jones: [defeated] We're going to Big Moose.

"Scooby Doo, Where Are You!: A Night of Fright Is No Delight (#1.16)" (1970)
Fred: Four missing heirs, a haunted house, and a phantom shadow.
Shaggy: Like, all that's missing is a spooky organ.
[an organ begins to play]
Velma Dinkley: It's not missing anymore!

"What's New, Scooby-Doo?: Ready to Scare (#3.5)" (2005)
[Fred is looking through a telescope]
Fred: [to the girls] I can look through the telescope with these little quarter thingies.
Velma: [sarcastically] They're francs.
Fred: [confused] I thought they were mine.

"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: The Ghastly Ghost Town (#1.1)" (1972)
Fred: This desert reminds me of a woman.
Daphne: How so?
Fred: It goes on, and on, and on.

Scooby-Doo! And Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery (2015) (V)
Fred Jones: [after watching Daphne passionately kiss the Starchild] You know, you could've cut it off a little earlier, it was kind of gross. I mean, I was right there, I was there!
Daphne Blake: [mesmerized] Oh I'm sorry, did you say something, "Frank"?
[giggles then kisses him]

"Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law: Shaggy Busted (#1.3)" (2002)
Velma Dinkley: [regarding Shaggy and Scooby-Doo] I know the way it looks, Mr. Birdman, but that's just the way they are.
Daphne: Yeah. they always act that way.
Peanut: [ogling Daphne] Oooo. Sprechen Sie sexy...
Harvey Birdman: So you mean to tell me they weren't...
Guard: [walking through scene] Hi.
Fred Jones: Nope. They're just stupid.

Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright (2013) (V)
Daphne: Fred, why do ghosts and monsters and stuff turn up wherever we go? Is it something about us?
Fred: No, this happens to everyone. It would be too much of a coincidence if this only happened to us, so logically, everyone must run into ghosts and monsters all the time.
Daphne: Really?
Fred: Sure! It's simple math. They must be everywhere.

Scooby-Doo in Where's My Mummy? (2005) (V)
Rock Rivers: [finds a scroll and unrolls it] See the ancient text, no doubt written in blood.
Daphne: Eww! Freddie, look, it's the ankh necklace.
Fred: [consulting Omar's journal] I'll translate the ancient writing. "Help, the heavy tourist is pinching my kitten."
Daphne: [grabs the journal] Uh, how about "the necklace is the key to the curse"?
Fred: Ooh! Even better.

"Scooby Doo, Where Are You!: A Gaggle of Galloping Ghosts (#1.11)" (1969)
[first lines]
Fred: Hey, there it is, gang! Franken Castle! The only castle ever imported stone by stone from Transylvania.

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: The Midnight Zone (#2.11)" (2012)
Fred Jones: We're leaving now!
Tub: I wish! Moby's stuck!
Tom: The only way we can leave is if someone stays behind and keeps the doors open with this manual override lever.
Cassidy Williams: I'll do it.
Daphne Blake: No!
Cassidy Williams: I'll be right behind you. Trust me, I'm a fast swimmer. Go! I'll be fine. Go.
Daphne Blake: [stays behind briefly] What we were taking about before, about reget - you weren't talking about me and Fred. You were talking about you and Mr. E. You loved him once, didn't you?
Cassidy Williams: [last words] What E and I had we lost a long time ago. Don't make the same mistake I did. Now go!
[Daphne leaves]

Do You Want to Catch a Villain? (2015) (V)
Fred Jones: Go away you guys

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Attack of the Headless Horror (#1.22)" (2011)
Dr. Rick Spartan: What's going on out there?
Fred Jones: [about the identity of the Headless Horror] It was Cachinga. He was pretending to be the Headless Horror all along.
Dr. Rick Spartan: I never trusted that guy. Wait! That means the curse is fake! There's no creature. Haha! I can go back to the jungle, live the life of adventure again!
Headless Horror: [bursts through the hospital wall] I don't think so!

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Pawn of Shadows (#1.25)" (2011)
H.P. Hatecraft: Has anyone else noticed that the Obliteratrix is in great shape?
[everyone stares at him awkwardly]
H.P. Hatecraft: I was just trying to point out that the same could be said for Regina. Coincidence?
Daphne Blake: But why would Regina Wentworth want us dead?
Fred Jones: We'll figure that out later! Right now we need to get to the Mystery Machine so I can rig one of my traps. Come on!

"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: Sandy Duncan's Jekyll and Hyde (#1.7)" (1972)
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: [stuck on a set with Shaggy and Scooby in one behind them] We're in the bank.
Shaggy: Great, you can bail us out, we're in jail.

"Scooby Doo, Where Are You!: Scooby-Doo and a Mummy, Too (#1.12)" (1969)
[last lines]
Fred: Well, gang, I guess that wraps up the mystery. And the mummy, too.
Scooby Doo: Scooby Dooby Doo!

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Beware the Beast from Below (#1.1)" (2010)
Sheriff Stone: [after the gang find a cocooned body] From this point forward this is a crime scene and future tourist attraction- stay out of it!
Velma Dinkley: I got a stay out of it right here!
[raises fist]
Fred Jones: Let me talk to him.
Daphne Blake: [dreamily] Don't worry, Fred will make him understand!
Fred Jones: [runs back carrying body] Shaggy, start the car!
Shaggy Rogers: I thought you were gonna talk to him!
Fred Jones: He wasn't in a listening mood.

Scooby-Doo and the Spooky Swamp (2010) (VG)
Daphne: [after Mystery Inc defeat the Yeti] You hear that?
Velma Dinkley: Yep. Sounds like we're about to solve this mystery.
[Pulls off Yeti's face to reveal it is a robot]
Daphne: Jeepers!
Velma Dinkley: The mischievous snowboarders.
Fred: Let's not forget about the mastermind of this operation.
[the Frakenmoose is unmasked as Moose]
Moose: Oh, come on guys, it was just a prank.
Anna Blake: A very dangerous prank. You and your friends have hurt a lot of people, Moose. Including me.
Barry Buckley: Haha! I don't know how you do it, Mystery Inc. You guys are fifty percent better than one hundred percent amazing!
Velma Dinkley: Now it all makes sense... you stole the lift tickets the stop people from heading to the summit.
Shaggy: Dude, you should've used the snow machines to make snow cones instead of the blizzard!
Daphne: And if I know costume making... and I do... this giant Yeti was made from all the missing animal parts from the chalet.
Dustin Planks: Yeah, and my precious equipment. Why? Why would you do this?
Moose: This mountain was ours, man, until they brought all those tourists along.
Velma Dinkley: You wanted to scare everyone off the mountain so you could have the place to yourself.
[Shaggy and Scooby sneak off]
Moose: I could've boarded in peace, if it weren't for you meddling dudes and dudettes!
Fred: Well, I'm sure you'll find a sense of peace when you help fix the damage you've done.
Shaggy: [Shaggy and Scooby, away from the rest of the group, talk to Lila through the walkie talkie] Breaker breaker, Lila, we got the ice cap mushrooms! Over!
Velma Dinkley: I think you boys can explain that on the way.

Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins (2009) (TV)
Fred: So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh?
Shaggy: What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach?

Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy! (2006) (V)
Fred: [addressing the upset crowd] Sorry everybody, we didn't mean to ruin the cruise for you.
Daphne: There's still the ping-pong championship. Or maybe the potholder weaving seminar?
[everybody gives her a dirty look]
Daphne: The popsicle stick sculpture class.
[everybody gives her a blank look]
Daphne: Anyone for checkers?

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Through the Curtain (#2.25)" (2013)
Fred Jones: I'll do it. I'll go.
Daphne Blake: No. We all go together. No more splitting up; never again.

Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders (2000) (V)
Crystal: [after she and Amber have revealed themselves to be aliens and changed back] I have another confession...
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Like, I know. You're not a government agent.
Crystal: Well actually, we are. But not from Earth. We were sent by our world to investigate signals from your planet.
Amber: [a dog] Transmitted from the south station.
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Zoinks! You can talk?
Amber: Yes, quite well!
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Like, dig that, Scoob! A talking dog!
Scooby Doo: [surprised] Ryeah!
Fred Jones: [dryly, to Velma and Daphne] Imagine that.

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Web of the Dreamweaver! (#2.4)" (2012)
[last lines]
Shaggy Rogers: [the gang walk to Fred's mansion] Like, man, I really feel for Mr. Feist's pain. Losing your C&C character is... intense.
Scooby-Doo: It's OK, Shagdolf. It's OK.
Velma Dinkley: [the gang arrive at Fred's mansion] Fred, you left the door wide open!
Daphne Blake: [the gang enter the living room, spotless] Fred, when did you hire a maid?
Fred Jones: I-I didn't.
Shaggy Rogers: Then, like, who cleaned?
Judy Reeves, Brad Chiles: We did.
Daphne Blake: Fred, is that...
Velma Dinkley: Brad Chiles and Judy Reeves?
Fred Jones: Mom? Dad?
Brad Chiles: That's right Fred.
Judy Reeves: We're your parents.
Brad Chiles: [casually] And we're back.

Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra-Doo (2010) (V)
Fred: Uh, Shaggy, we have a visitor.
Shaggy: Then, like, why is nobody saying hello?
[he and Scooby turn and around to see the beautiful banshee and run behind Velma and Madelyn]
Velma Dinkley: [sarcasticly] Uh-huh. Bravest of heroes.
Daphne: So, that's the banshee? She doesn't look scary.
Fred: [dazed] Yeah, she kinda looks pretty.
[the banshee suddenly screams and morphs into a hag]

Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur (2011) (V)
Fred Jones: [about Mr. Hubley being a suspect] What do you think, Velma?
Velma Dinkley: [dreamily] I think Winsor's eyes are the colour of sea-foam by moonlight.
Daphne Blake: Okay. Somebody's going to be zero help tonight.
Fred Jones: Go easy on her, Daph. Haven't you ever had a crush on anyone?
Daphne Blake: [annoyed] Me? No. Why would be you ask?
[storms to the Mystery Machine]
Fred Jones: Well, it's just I...
Daphne Blake: [annoyed] Why is everyone walking so slow?

Scooby-Doo! Spooky Games (2012) (V)
Steve Looker: I just started reading the unabridged history of books. It's long, but like I said, there's a lot of down time in pole vaulting.
Velma Dinkley: You're a book nerd just like me!
Daphne Blake: [flirtatiously] So, is your girlfriend a big reader too, or are you single?
Freddie Jones: [lying] You know, I'm a pole vaulter myself.
Velma Dinkley: [dryly] You are?
Freddie Jones: Sure. Just for fun.
Steve Looker: A fellow vaulter! If you vault anything like Shaggy runs, I'm in trouble. Hey, why don't come vault with me?
Freddie Jones: Oh, no, no, it's been years.
Velma Dinkley: [dryly] At least.

"Scooby Doo, Where Are You!: Bedlam in the Big Top (#1.10)" (1969)
[last lines]
Velma: [applauding Scooby and Shaggy] What an act! It's great!
Fred: What a pair of hams! They're a riot!

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated: The Man in the Mirror (#2.21)" (2013)
Fred Jones: You failed, Professor. You'll never get your filthy talons on this disk.
Professor Pericles: On the contrary, Frederick. You are going to hand it over to me, along with my associates, your dear parents, or else I will destroy the one thing you care about most.
Shaggy Rogers: Zoinks!
Daphne Blake: [two Kriegstaffebots grab Daphne] Freddie!
Fred Jones: Fine. You win. Take it.
Professor Pericles: Excellent.
[takes the Planispheric Disk]
Professor Pericles: Auf Wiedersehen, you beautiful kinder.
[Kriegstaffebots toss Daphne into Fred]

"What's New, Scooby-Doo?: A Scooby Doo Halloween (#2.6)" (2003)
[Shaggy and Scooby throw Fred and the girls into the Mystery Machine and drive off; Shaggy is driving, Scooby in the front passenger seat, Fred and the girls are sitting in back]
Daphne: Shaggy, Scooby, we weren't done with our wrap up.
Shaggy: I know. But if we don't hurry, we'll never make it in time to Velma's Aunt and Uncle's in time for Halloween.
Fred: [to himself] Wow! So this is what it's like to be in the back seat. It's cool!
Velma: Uh, Halloween is not until tomorrow night.
[as the gang is talking, the gears make a loud grinding sound, which concerns Freddy]
Shaggy: Yeah, but your aunt and uncle live in Banning Junction. It's like the place to spend the holiday! We have to get there early if we wanna beat the crowds.
Fred: Uh, speaking of driving, Shaggy. It looks like your kinda riding the clutch a bit hard there?
Shaggy: [thinking out loud] Candy, rockin' with KISS, more Candy!
[chuckles softly]
Daphne: [in shock] KISS?
Fred: [growing more concerned] You might wanna just put it in third. She's kind of a delicate piece of machinery, Shag.
Shaggy: They're playing at the big Masquerade Ball tomorrow night, and I'm gonna ask Paul Stanley to sign my forehead.
Scooby-Doo: Reah, me too!
[the van drives over a bump in the road]
Fred: [losing his temper; shouting, to Shaggy] YOU'RE KILLING MY MYSTERY MACHINE!
[the gang swaps seats with one another; as Freddie takes the wheel]
Fred: [to the Mystery Machine] Who's a good Mystery Machine? Who's a good girl? Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
[the girls look at Fred in disgust]

Chill Out, Scooby-Doo! (2007) (V)
[last lines]
Freddy: Guys, I think I got the wrong plane.
Velma: Here we go, again.
Daphne: Oh, now where?
Shaggy: Like, step on it Scoob. Next stop, the Amazon Jungle.
Scooby Doo: Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

Scooby-Doo and the Loch Ness Monster (2004) (V)
Fred: Well gang, welcome to - Drumna... Drummy - Drumno... Dramunoono...
Scooby-Doo: Drumnadrochit!
Shaggy: Gesundheit!

"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: The Haunted Candy Factory (#2.7)" (1973)
Shaggy: [Shaggy lowers a licorice rope down a vent but Scooby puts the end in his mouth and starts eating it] Do you see the end yet, Freddy?
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: No, not yet.
Shaggy: [beat] How about now?
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: No.
Shaggy: Boy, you guys must be 10 floors down.
[sees Scooby eating the rope]
Shaggy: Give me that,
[lowers the rope]
Fred 'Freddy' Jones: Now I see it, you must've just started feeding it.
Shaggy: Wrong, I just STOPPED feeding it.

"Family Guy: I Never Met the Dead Man (#1.2)" (1999)
Peter Griffin: Huh, I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to?
[Scooby-Doo theme plays]
TV Announcer: We now return to The Scooby-Doo Murder Files.
Fred Jones: Gee whiz, gang. Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river.
Velma: Jinkies! What a mystery!
Scooby-Doo: [jumps on Shaggy's arms] Arroo!
Fred Jones: You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!

Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004) (VG)
Shaggy: Man, it said we're gonna pay a price!
Fred: Shaggy, what could possibly happen by pushing the doorbell again?