Dr. Peter Venkman
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Quotes for
Dr. Peter Venkman (Character)
from Ghostbusters (1984)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Ghostbusters (1984)
[Inspecting Dana's refrigerator for paranormal activity]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, my *God*. Look at all the junk food!
Dana Barrett: Oh, no, Goddammit. None of this was here...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You actually eat this?
Dana Barrett: Look, this wasn't here! There was *nothing* here! There was this... space! And there was a building or something with flames coming out of it, and there were creatures writhing around, and they were growling and snarling. And there were flames, and I heard a voice say "Zuul"! It was right here.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting any reading.
Dana Barrett: Well, are you sure you're using that thing correctly?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, I... I think so, but I'm sure there are no animals in there.
Dana Barrett: Well that's just great. Either I have a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [smiles] I don't think you're crazy.
Dana Barrett: [sarcastically] Oh, good, that makes me feel so much better.

Gozer: [after Ray orders her to re-locate] Are you a God?
[Ray looks at Peter, who nonchalantly nods yes]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: No.
Gozer: Then... DIE!
[Lightning flies from her fingers, driving the Ghostbusters to the edge of the roof and almost off; people below scream]
Winston Zeddemore: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!
Dr. Peter Venkman: All right! This chick is TOAST!

Dr. Peter Venkman: [as the Ghostbusters approach Gozer] Grab your stick!
[the Ghostbusters draw their handsets]
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: HOLDIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Heat 'em up!
[they arm their packs]
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: SMOKIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Make 'em hard!
[they rack their handsets]
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: READY!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown... THROW IT!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Nimble little minx, in't she?
Dr. Egon Spengler: We're gonna go full stream.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Aim for the flattop!
[Ghostbusters shoot at Gozer, but she disappears]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [uncertainly] Wasn't so hard.

Winston Zeddemore: Hey, wait a minute. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hold it! Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian god is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sumerian, not Babylonian.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah. Big difference.
Winston Zeddemore: No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer.

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!

Man at Elevator: What are you supposed to be, some kind of a cosmonaut?
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, we're exterminators. Someone saw a cockroach up on twelve.
Man at Elevator: That's gotta be some cockroach.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Bite your head off, man.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: [Entering elevator] Going up?
Man at Elevator: I'll take the next one.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I blame myself.
Dr. Peter Venkman: So do I.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Well, no sense in worrying about it now.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [astounded] Wow! Talk about telekinetic activity, look at this mess!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Ray, look at this.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Ectoplasmic residue.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Venkman, get a sample of this.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: It's the real thing.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Someone blows their nose and you want to keep it?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'd like to analyze it.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [gets the slime on his hand] Whoa, ah.
Dr. Egon Spengler: This way.
[Venkman tries to wipe the slime off of his hand]

Dana Barrett: You know, you don't act like a scientist.
Dr. Peter Venkman: They're usually pretty stiff.
Dana Barrett: You're more like a game show host.

[Dana, possessed by "The Gatekeeper," answers the door]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Not that I know of.
[She slams the door in his face. Venkman knocks again]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes. Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: I think we'd better split up.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Good idea.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah... we can do more damage that way.

[evaluating a site for their business]
Dr. Peter Venkman: What do you think, Egon?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Hey. Does this pole still work?
[slides down a fireman's pole]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Wow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.
[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agent]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I think we'll take it.

Dr. Peter Venkman: We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft's okay! He's a sailor, he's in New York; we get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon... what've you got left?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Hee hee hee! "Get her!" That was your whole plan, huh, "get her." Very scientific.

Dr. Peter Venkman: OK... so... she's a dog...

Dr. Peter Venkman: Mother puss bucket!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: My parents left me that house. I was born there.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're not gonna lose the house, everybody has three mortgages nowadays.

Dr. Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don't cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.

Dr. Peter Venkman: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're right, no HUMAN BEING would stack books like this.

Dr. Peter Venkman: I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [surrounded by excited reporters during the montate sequence, which shows the Ghostbusters as a sudden popular culture craze] Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, no job is too big, no fee is too big!

[first lines]
Dr. Peter Venkman: All right, I'm gonna turn over the next card. Concentrate... I want you to tell me what you think it is.

Dr. Peter Venkman: He slimed me.

Dana Barrett: [reading from the printout] "Zuul was the minion of Gozer." What's Gozer?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Gozer was very big in Sumeria.
Dana Barrett: Well, what's he doing in my ice box?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm working on that.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Alice, I'm going to ask you a couple of standard questions, okay? Have you or any of your family been diagnosed schizophrenic? Mentally incompetent?
Librarian Alice: My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'd call that a big yes. Uh, are you habitually using drugs? Stimulants? Alcohol?
Librarian Alice: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, no. Just asking. Are you, Alice, menstruating right now?
Library Administrator: What has that got to do with it?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Back off, man. I'm a scientist.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Oh good, you're here!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, what have you got?
Dr. Egon Spengler: This is big, Peter, this is very big. There is definitely something here.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
Dr. Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Hey, Dean Yeager! Are you moving us to a better office on campus?
Dean Yeager: No, you're being moved off campus. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: What?
Dr. Peter Venkman: This is preposterous. I demand an explanation.
Dean Yeager: Fine. This university will no longer continue any funding of any kind of your group's activities.
Dr. Peter Venkman: But the kids love us!
Dean Yeager: Doctor... Venkman. We believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of dodge... or hustle. Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable! You are a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman!
Dr. Peter Venkman: I see.
Dean Yeager: And you have no place in this department, or this university.

[Dana has described seeing a terror dog in her refrigerator]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.

Dana Barrett: That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What a crime.

[Persuading the mayor to let them stop a supernatural upheaval]
Dr. Peter Venkman: If I'm wrong, nothing happens! We go to jail - peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it! But if I'm *right*, and we *can* stop this thing... Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.
Walter Peck: Jeez!
[Charges at Venkman]
Mayor: Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
Walter Peck: All right, all right, all right!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's what I heard!

Dana Barrett: [possessed by Zuul] Do you want this body?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Is this a trick question?

Walter Peck: I'm Walter Peck, from the Environmental Protection?
[Venkman shakes hands with Peck and still has ectoplasm on his hands]
Walter Peck: Agency, the third district.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Peck is wiping the ectoplasm on his jacket] Great, how's it going down there?
Walter Peck: Are you Peter Venkman?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes, I'm *Doctor* Venkman!
Walter Peck: Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, I have a PhD in parapsychology and psychology.
Walter Peck: And now, you catch ghosts?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, you could say that.
Walter Peck: And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm not at liberty to say.
Walter Peck: And where do you put these ghosts, once you catch them?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Into a storage facility.
Walter Peck: And would this storage facility be located on these premises?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes.
Walter Peck: And may I see this storage facility?
Dr. Peter Venkman: No.
Walter Peck: And why not, Mr. Venkman?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Because you did not use the magic word.
Walter Peck: What is the magic word, Mr. Venkman?
Dr. Peter Venkman: [looking surprised] Please!
Walter Peck: May I *please* see the storage facility, Mr. Venkman?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why do you want to see the storage facility?
Walter Peck: Because I'm curious. I wanna know more about what you do here! Frankly, I've heard alot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess any possibility of dangerous and possibly hazardous waste chemicals in your basement.
[Peck is angered]
Walter Peck: Now you either *show me* what is down there, or I come back with a court order.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Venkman snaps back] You go get a court order, and I'll sue your funny ass for wrongful prosecution.
Walter Peck: You can have it your way, Mr. Venkman.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the librarian ghost] I'm Peter Venkman. Where are you from... originally?

Dr. Peter Venkman: NOBODY steps on a church in my town.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.

[In a TV commercial]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Have you or your family ever seen a spook, spectre or ghost?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: If the answer is "yes," then don't wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals...
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Dr. Peter Venkman: Ghostbusters.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs.
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Dr. Peter Venkman: We're ready to believe you.

Dr. Peter Venkman: All right, this chick is TOAST. Okay; sticks?
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: HOLDIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Heat 'em up!
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: SMOKIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: MAKE 'EM HARD!
Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: READY!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.
[phone rings]
Dr. Peter Venkman: You gonna answer that?

Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray, pretend for a moment that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering, or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You never studied.

Dr. Peter Venkman: He slimed me.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: That's great. Actual physical contact. Can you move?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [over walkie-talkie] Ray, Ray, come in please.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I feel so funky.

[a giant marshmallow man crashes through the streets of New York]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, there's something you don't see every day.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?

Dr. Peter Venkman: [hands Egon a petri dish filled with ectoplasmic residue] Egon, your mucus.

Dr. Peter Venkman: As a friend, I have to tell ya you've finally gone around the bend on this ghost business. You guys have been running your ass off, meetin' and greetin' every schizo in the five boroughs who says he has a paranormal experience. What have you seen?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Of course you forget, Peter. I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray, the sponges migrated about a foot-and-a-half.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: The whole building is a huge, superconductive antenna that was designed and built expressly for the purpose of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central.
Dr. Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... FOUR FEET above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's not the *girl*, Peter, it's the *building*.

[after nearly being crushed by a falling bookcase]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This happen to you before?
[Ray shakes his head]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Huh. First time?
[Ray nods]

Dr. Peter Venkman: What I'd really like to do is talk to Dana. Dana? It's Peter.
Dana Barrett: There is no Dana, there is only Zuul.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, Zuulie, you nut, now c'mon. Just relax, c'mon. I want to talk to Dana. Dana, Dana. Can I talk to Dana?
Dana Barrett: [in an inhuman demonic voice] There is no Dana, only Zuul!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What a lovely singing voice you must have.

Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm gonna take back some of the things I said about you, Egon.
[pulls out candy bar]
Dr. Peter Venkman: You... You've earned it

Dr. Peter Venkman: To our first custumer.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: To our FIRST and ONLY customer.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm gonna need to draw some petty cash. I should take her out to dinner. We don't wanna lose her.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Uhhh... this magnificent feast here represents the LAST of the petty cash.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Slow down. Chew your food.

[Dana is possessed]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.
[Dana starts passionately making out with him]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule...

Male Student: [after the beautiful female student has guessed 5 out of 5 cards right while he has "none"; actually he has one] What are you trying to prove here, anyway?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm studying the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP ability
Male Student: The effect? I'll tell you what the effect is, it's pissing me off!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nice thinkin', Ray.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [picking up his radio and speaking slowly] Come in, Ray.
Dr Ray Stantz: [excited] Venkman? I saw it, I saw it, I saw it.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slowly, calmly] It's right here, Ray. It's... looking at me.
Dr Ray Stantz: He's an ugly little spud, isn't he?
Dr. Peter Venkman: [quickly] I think he can hear you, Ray.

Dr. Peter Venkman: How's the grid holding up?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not good.
Winston Zeddemore: Tell him about the Twinkie.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What about the Twinkie?

Dana Barrett: [as The Gatekeeper] I want you inside me.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [referring to her radical change in personality] Go ahead! No, I can't. It sounds like you've got at least two or three people in there already.

[Dana is possessed]
Dr. Peter Venkman: So, what are we doing today, Zuul?
Dana Barrett: We must prepare for the coming of Gozer.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Gozer?
Dana Barrett: The Destructor.
[long pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Are we still going out?

Dr. Peter Venkman: I'll take Miss Barret back to her apartment and check her out.
[Dana Barret looks up confused]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'll go check out Miss Barret's apartment. OK?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the particle flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, who paid us in advance, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a VERY SLIM chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! LET'S DO IT!

[in front of the library ghost, their first ghost sighting]
Dr. Peter Venkman: So... what do we do?
[Egon and Ray stare at each other in silence. Peter grabs Ray's ear]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Would you come over here, please? That's it, c'mere Francine. What do we do?
[Egon pulls out a calculator and starts punching in numbers. Peter slaps the machine out of Egon's hand]
Dr. Peter Venkman: STOP THAT!

[clearing away tables in the dining room to make room for the ghost trap]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: I've gotta get this in the clear...!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Wait, wait, wait! I've always wanted to do this...
[He yanks a tablecloth off of a table, overturning and shattering everything except the centerpiece in the middle]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [triumphantly] And the flowers are still standing!

[alternate wording from cable TV version]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Your honor, our system was working just fine until the power grid was turned off by wally wick here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: [to Venkman] Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: It's true, your honor. The man is some kind of rodent, I don't know which.

[while trying to catch the Slimer, the Ghostbusters cause a lot of damage to the hotel with their energy streams]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Nice shootin', Tex!

[Dana has been possessed by a demon dog]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I think we can get her a guest shot on "Wild Kingdom." I just whacked her up with about 300 cc's of Thorazaine... she's gonna take a little nap now.

[Ray and Peter have been fired]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: This is a major disgrace. Forget MIT or Stanford now. They wouldn't touch us with a 10-meter cattle prod.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're always so concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Do you know how much a patent clerk earns?
Dr. Peter Venkman: No!

[Venkman arrives at 55 Central Park West, a few minutes after Louis was chased out by a terror dog]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to a policeman] What happened?
Policeman at Apartment: Some moron brought a cougar to a party and it went berserk.

Gozer: The Choice is made!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa! Ho! Ho! Whoa-oa!
Gozer: The Traveller has come!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nobody choosed anything!
[turns to Egon]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Did you choose anything?
Dr. Egon Spengler: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Winston] Did YOU?
Winston Zeddemore: My mind is totally blank.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I didn't choose anything...
[long pause, Peter, Egon and Winston all look at Ray]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: I couldn't help it. It just popped in there.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [angrily] What? WHAT "just popped in there?"
Dr. Raymond Stantz: I... I... I tried to think...
Dr. Egon Spengler: LOOK!
[they all look over one side of the roof]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: No! It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What is it?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What did you DO, Ray?
Winston Zeddemore: Oh, shit!
[they all see a giant cubic white head topped with a sailor hat, Peter looks at Ray]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: [somberly] It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [looking at the temporary sign on Ghostbusters HQ while a worker is hanging it up] You don't think it's too subtle, Marty, you don't think people are going to drive down and not see the sign?
[hears a siren approaching and an old, gray station wagon pulls up in the driveway]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa! Whoa! You can't park right here!
[looks and sees Stantz in the driver's seat]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: [gets out] Everybody can relax, I found the car. Needs some suspension work and shocks. Brakes, brake pads, lining, steering box, transmission, rear-end.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How much?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Only $4,800.
[Venkman looks shocked]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Also new rings, mufflers, a little wiring.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, any calls?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Any messages?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Any customers?
Janine Melnitz: No, Dr. Venkman.
Dr. Peter Venkman: It's a good job, huh?
[she smiles]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Type something, will you? We're paying for this stuff! And don't stare at me, you got the bug-eyes.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, sorry about the bug-eyes thing. I'll be in my office.

Archbishop: Lenny, offically the church won't take any postion with the religious implications of these phenomenons. Personally Lenny, I think it's a sign from God, but don't quote me on that.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I think that's a smart move, Mike.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the polarity flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, WHO PAID US IN ADVANCE, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a VERY SLIM chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited it could work! LET'S DO IT!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Hey... Where these stairs go?
Dr. Peter Venkman: They go up!

Dr. Peter Venkman: See ya on the other side, Ray.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman.

[talking about Dana's building, while waiting in jail]
Dr. Egon Spengler: The architect's name was Evo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor, performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then in 1920, he started a secret society...
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let me guess: Gozer worshippers.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Right.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Ray] No studying.
Dr. Egon Spengler: After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive.
[He pauses, glancing nervously around at the holding cell crowd]
Dr. Egon Spengler: And he wasn't alone, he had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof. Bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the *end of the world*, and now it looks like it might actually happen.
[pause. Peter spins around to face another of the inmates, and starts singing]
Dr. Peter Venkman: So be good, for goodness' sake! Whoa, somebody's coming...

Dr. Raymond Stantz: It's a girl.
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's Gozer.
Winston Zeddemore: I thought Gozer was a man.
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's whatever it wants to be.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, whatever it is, it's gotta get by us.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Right!
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Go get her, Ray!

Dr. Peter Venkman: [steps in front of Peck] My friend, don't be a jerk!
Walter Peck: If he does that again, you can shoot him.
Police Captain: You do your job, pencil neck, don't tell me how to do mine!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Thank you, Officer.
Walter Peck: SHUT IT OFF!

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to librarian Alice] Are you currently menstruating?
Library Administrator: What has that got to do with anything?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Back off man, I'm a scientist.

Dr. Peter Venkman: All right, I'm gonna turn over the next card. Concentrate... I want you to tell me what you think it is.
[Holds up the card]
Male Student: Uh, square.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Good guess, but wrong.
[Turns over the card and zaps the male student]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the female student] Okay,
[Holds up another card]
Dr. Peter Venkman: what is this?
Female Student: Is it a star?
Dr. Peter Venkman: It "is" a star,. very good.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the male student, and holding up another card] Concentrate. Tell me what this is.
Male Student: Circle.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Turns over the card] Ooohhh, Close. But most definately wrong.
[Zaps the male student again]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the female student] Clear your head.
[Holds up another card]
Dr. Peter Venkman: what is it?
Female Student: A figure 8.
Dr. Peter Venkman: That's 5 for 5, you can't see these can you?
Female Student: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're not cheating me, are you?
Female Student: No. I swear, they're just coming to me.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the male student] Nervous?
Male Student: [Really is nervous] Yes, I don't like this.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Holds up another card] We've only got 75 more to go, c'mon what this one.
Male Student: It's, a couple of wavy lines.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Puts card down] Sorry, this isn't your lucky day.
Male Student: Yeah, I...
[Peter's hand slowly reaches for the zapping trigger]
Male Student: I uh, uh, I uh, I uh.
[Zap]
Male Student: [Annoyed] I'm getting a little tired of this.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You volunteered, didn't you? We're paying you, are we?
Male Student: Yeah, but I didn't know you we're gonna be giving me electric shocks. What are trying to prove here, anyway.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm studying the effect on negative reinforcement on ESP ability.
Male Student: [Aggravated] Effect? I'll tell you the effect is, it's pissing me off!

Dr. Peter Venkman: [after capturing Slimer] We came, we saw, we've kick its ass.
Hotel Manager: You've seen it? What was it?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: We've got it.
[Holds up the smoking ghost trap]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Sir, what we have here is what we call a non-repeating phantasm, or a class-5 free roaming vapor, real nasty one too.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Okay.
[Clears throat]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's talk serious, for the entrapment, we're gonna ask you for 4 big ones $4,000 for that, but we are having a special this week on proton charging, and storage of the beast, so we are gonna ask for $1,000 fortunate.
Hotel Manager: $5,000 I had no idea it would be so much, I won't pay it.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, that's okay we can just put it right back in there.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: We most certainly can, Dr. Venkman
Hotel Manager: [Stops Ray] No, no, NO! Anything.
[Peter hands the manager a check]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Thank you. We hope that we can help you again.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [after Gozer disappears] We've neutronized it, you know what that means? A complete particle reversal.
Winston Zeddemore: We have the tools, and we have the talent!
Dr. Peter Venkman: It's Miller time!
[the trio shake hands]

Janine Melnitz: [Coming in as Egon was running tests on Louis who is possessed by Vince Clorthow] Egon, I tried to stop them they say they have a warrant.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Excuse me, this is private property.
Walter Peck: [after observing the storage facility] Shut this off, shut these all off.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm warning you. Turning off these machines would be extremely hazardous.
Walter Peck: No, I'll tell "you" what's hazardous, you're facing Federal prosecution for about a half dozen environmental violations. Now either you shut off these machines, or we'll shut them off for you.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to understand, this a high voltage laser containment system. Simply turning it off would be like dropping a bomb on the city.
Walter Peck: Don't patronize me, I'm not grotesquely stupid, like the people you've bilked!
Dr. Peter Venkman: [arriving, to the officer] At ease officer, I'm Peter Venkman, I'm a partner in this facility and I'm going to cooperate in any way that I can.
Walter Peck: Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance to cooperate, but you though it would be more fun to insult me. Well, now it's my turn, wiseass.
Dr. Egon Spengler: He wants to shut down the protection grid, Peter.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Walter Peck] You shut that thing down, and "we" are not gonna be held responsible for whatever happens.
Walter Peck: Oh yes you will, I'll make sure you will.
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, we won't be.
Walter Peck: [to the electrician] Shut it off.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the electrician] Don't shut it off. I'm warning ya.
Con Edison Man: I, I never seen anything like this before. I'm not sure...
Walter Peck: [Interrupting] I'm not interested in your opinion, just shut it off.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Gets in electrician's way] My friend, don't be a jerk.
Police Sergeant: [Gets in Peter's way] Step aside.
Walter Peck: If he does that again, you can shoot him.
Police Sergeant: You do 'your" job, pencilneck. Don't tell me how to do mine.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Thank you, officer.
Walter Peck: [aggravatingly shouting] Shut it off!

Dr. Peter Venkman: oh, wait, wait, i've always wanted to do this! and...
[he yanks the tablecloth off of one of the tables, upsetting and breaking everything except a vase of flowers on the center of the table]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [shouting while offscreen] the flowers are still standing!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Oh, I got to get some sleep, I'm dying.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You don't look good.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: I don't?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, you've looked better. You didn't used to look like this.

[at jail, the ghostbusters study the blueprints of the building where Dana lives]
Dr. Egon Spengler: The structure of this roof cap is exactly like the kind of telemetry tracker that NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in deep space.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Cold-riveted girders with cores of pure selenium.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to a cellmate looking over the blueprints] Everybody getting this so far? So what? I guess they just don't make them like they used to.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: [impatiently] No!
[Ray slaps Peter on the forehead]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Nobody ever made them like this! The architect was either a certified genius, or an authentic wacko.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray, for a moment, pretend that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You never studied. The whole building is a huge superconductive antenna that was designed and built for the purpose of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse of spook central.
Dr. Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws...
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's not the girl, Peter, it's the building. Something terrible is about to enter our world, and this building is obviously the door!
[pause]
Dr. Egon Spengler: The architect's name was lvo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor. Performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then, in 1920, he started a secret society.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let me guess. Gozer worshipers.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Right.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Ray] No studying...
Dr. Egon Spengler: After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. He wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof, bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world. And now it looks like it may actually happen!
[pause. Peter spins around to face another of the inmates, and starts singing]
Dr. Peter Venkman: So be good, for goodness sake! Whoa... somebody's coming!

Dr Ray Stantz: [after Ray thinks of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and it appears, stomping through New York City] I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never, ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nice thinking, Ray.

Dr. Peter Venkman: You're the best one on your row.

[upon seeing the Slimer]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [very uncompfortably] Come in. Ray
Dr. Raymond Stantz: [on the walkie talkie] Venkman! I saw it! I saw it!
Dr. Peter Venkman: It's right here, Ray. It's looking at me.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: He's an ugly little spud isn't he?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I think he can hear you, Ray.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Don't move! It won't hurt you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [the Slimer charges at Venkman] Aaaaaahhh! Aaaaaahhh!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, any messages?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Any calls?
Janine Melnitz: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Desperate] Any customers?
Janine Melnitz: No, Dr. Venkman.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Good job, isn't it? Type something will ya, we're paying for this stuff,
[Walks off]
Dr. Peter Venkman: and don't stare at me you got the *bug eyes*. Janine, sorry about the bug eyes thing I'll be in my office.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [tickling piano keys] They hate this. I like to torture them.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [the Ghostbusters are tiring as they climb twenty-two flights of stairs in their proton packs] Where are we?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: [gasps] Looks like we're in the teens... somewhere.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, when we get to twenty, tell me... I'm gonna throw up.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Let me tell you something about myself. I come home from work to my place and all I have is my work. There's nothing else in my life!
Dana Barrett: Dr. Venkman...
Dr. Peter Venkman: I meet you, and I say, my God, there's someone with the same problem I have.
Dana Barrett: Yes. We both have the same problem. You!
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm gonna go for broke. I am madly in love with you.
Dana Barrett: I don't believe this. Will you please leave?
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to an invisible audience] And then she threw me out of her life. She thought I was a creep, she thought I was a geek, and she probably wasn't the first.
Dana Barrett: You are so odd.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [holding ghost trap like a rat by the tail] We got it.
Hotel Manager: What is it? Will there be any more of them?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Sir, what you had there is what we refer to as a focused, non-terminal, repeating phantasm or a class-five full-roaming vapor. A real nasty one, too.
Dr. Peter Venkman: And now...
[Peter clears his throat]
Dr. Peter Venkman: ... let's talk seriously. Now, for the entrapment, we're gonna have to ask you...
[Egon holds up four fingers]
Dr. Peter Venkman: ... for four big ones, Four thousand dollars for that. But we are having a special this week on proton charging and storage of the beast...
[Egon holds up one finger]
Dr. Peter Venkman: ... and that's only gonna come to one thousand dollars, fortunately.
Hotel Manager: Five thousand dollars? I had no idea it'd be so much. I won't pay it.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's all right. We can just put it right back in there. Thank you.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: We certainly can, Dr. Venkman.
[Ray turns back toward the ballroom]
Hotel Manager: [stopping Ray] No, no, NO! All right. Anything.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [handing the manager a check] Thanks so much.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Thank you. Hope we can help you again.
[as he, Peter and Egon leave the hotel, Ray calls out to the witnesses]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Coming through! One class-five full-roaming vapor. Move 'em out.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, what do you think?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [looking up and blinding Peter with his headlamp] She's telling the truth. At least, she thinks she is.
Dana Barrett: Well, of course I'm telling the truth! Who would make up a story like that?
Dr. Peter Venkman: [becoming suave] Some are people who just want attention. Others, just nutballs who come in off the street.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You know what it could be? Past-life experience intruding on present time.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Could be race memory stored in the collective unconscious. I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either.
Dana Barrett: I'm sorry, I don't believe in any of those things.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's all right. I don't either.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: This is a major disgrace. Forget MIT or Stanford, now. They wouldn't touch us with ten meter caliprod.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're always concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You know how much a patent clerk earns?
Dr. Peter Venkman: No!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities. We didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. I worked in the private sector. They expect results.
Dr. Peter Venkman: For whatever reasons, Ray. Call it fate. Call it luck. Call it karma. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown out of this dump.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: For what purpose?
Dr. Peter Venkman: To go into business for ourselves.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: This ecto containment system that Spengler and I have in mind is gonna require a load of bread to capitalize. Where are we gonna get the money?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I don't know. I 'don't' know.

[the Ghostbusters exit the elevator. Dr. Egon Spengler charges his proton pack]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Come on.
[Chambermaid enters Hallway/corridor from Hotel Room]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: [Ray and Egon shout and blast her cart with proton beams]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa! Hold it!
Chambermaid: What the HELL are you doing?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sorry.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Sorry.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: I'm Sorry.
Dr. Peter Venkman: We thought you were someone else. Successful test.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: I guess so. I think we'd better split up.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Good idea.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, we can do more damage that way.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Alright boys... Ready? Throw it!
[Ghostbusters fire away at Slimer; chandelier falls to the floor]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: I did that, I did that... That's my fault.
Dr. Peter Venkman: It's OK; the table broke the fall.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [Walter Peck gets kicked out of the Mayor's Office] Bye! I'm gonna get him a nice fruit basket.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Walter Peck storms out of room] I'm gonna miss him.


Ghostbusters II (1989)
Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?
Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
Peter Venkman: Ouch.
Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud.
Peter Venkman: I *am* a fraud!

Peter Venkman: You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick, bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you would be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!

Peter Venkman: Suck in the guts, guys, we're the Ghostbusters.

Egon: Venkman, get a stool sample.
Peter Venkman: Business, or personal?

Dana: His name is Oscar.
Peter Venkman: Named after a hot dog, you poor man, you poor, poor man.

Egon: I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.
Peter Venkman: Who wouldn't?

Dana: Okay, but after dinner, don't put any of those old cheap moves on me. It's different now.
Peter Venkman: Oh, no! I have all NEW cheap moves.

Prosecutor: So, you're saying that the supernatural is your exclusive province?
Peter Venkman: Kitten, I think what I'm saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?

Milton Angland: I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve.
Peter Venkman: Well, for your sake, I hope you're right.

Elaine: According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14th, in the year two thousand and sixteen.
Peter Venkman: Valentine's day. Bummer. Where'd you get your date, Elaine?
Elaine: I received this information from an alien. As I told my husband, it was in the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink at the bar, alone, and this alien approached me. He started talking to me. He bought me a drink, and then I think he must have used some kind of a ray or a mind control device because he forced me to follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world.
Peter Venkman: So your alien had a room at the Holiday Inn, Paramus?
Elaine: It could have been a room on the spaceship made to look like the hotel. I can't be sure about that, Peter.

[the Mayor's assistant has just been rude to Dr. Peter Venkman]
Peter Venkman: You know, I'm a voter. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?

Peter Venkman: [outside the courthouse] We're the best. We're the beautiful. We're the only Ghostbusters.
Ray: We're back!

Dana: You're much better than you realize. You don't give yourself enough credit.
Peter Venkman: I need to hear that kind of stuff. You know, if I had this kind of stuff for like on a 24-hour basis, I could have myself whipped into shape by the end of this century.

[At the foot of the Statue of Liberty]
Peter Venkman: Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Winston: Wonder what?
Peter Venkman: Whether she's naked under that toga. She *is* French. You know that.

[Dana hands Oscar to Peter]
Dana: It's late, I really ought to put him down.
Peter Venkman: May I?
Dana: Yeah, if you want to.
Peter Venkman: [points in baby's face] You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

Peter Venkman: Have you been outside lately? Do you know how weird it is out there? We've taken our own head count. There seem to be six million completely miserable assholes living in the tri-state area.
Hardemeyer: Oh, please!
Peter Venkman: Excuse me, six million and one.

Peter Venkman: Doh!
Ray: Re!
Egon: Egon!

Peter Venkman: Where in the hell are you from anyway, Johnny?
Janosz: The upper vest side.

Ray: Not so fast Dead Head! You want a baby, why don't you go knock up some willing hellhound! Otherwise I'm giving you three to get back in that painting! One!
Peter Venkman: Two.

Ray: It looks like a giant Jell-O mold.
Winston: I hate Jell-O.
Peter Venkman: Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O!

Peter Venkman: See you next week on "World of the Psychic." Until then, this is Peter Venkman, saying...
[points to his forehead and stares at the camera for a long beat]
Peter Venkman: Ha ha! See you then.

Peter Venkman: Uh, perhaps you can help me? I'm looking for a love-potion aerosol, that I can spray on a certain Penthouse Pet, to obtain her total submission.

[Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen]
Egon: Go ahead, Ray!
Ray: [shouting at the slime] You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!
[slime twitches]
Egon: You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule!
Ray: You foul obnoxious muck!
[bubbles dangerously with every insult]
Egon: You have a weak electrochemical bond!
[starts to bubble over]
Ray: I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!
Peter Venkman: This is what you do with your spare time?

Egon: [producing a toaster] Ordinary household toaster.
Peter Venkman: We'll take your word for that.

Ray: Two in the box.
Egon: Ready to go.
Peter Venkman: We be fast.
Ray, Egon, Peter Venkman: They be slow.

Prosecutor: Dr. Venkman, would you please tell the court why you and your co-defendants took it upon yourselves to dig a very big hole in the middle of 1st Avenue?
Peter Venkman: Well, there are so many holes in 1st Avenue, we really didn't think anyone would notice.

Judge Wexler: [in the middle of persecuting the Ghostbusters he was attacked by the ghosts of 2 murderers he sentenced to the chair] You got to do something! Help me!
Ray: Don't talk to me; talk to my attorney.
Louis Tully: And that's me! My guys are still under a judicial mistrangement order... that blue thing I got from her! They could be exposing themselves!
Peter Venkman: And you don't want us exposing ourselves!

Janosz: This is Prince Vigo, the ruler of Carpathia and Moldavia.
Peter Venkman: Bit of a sissy, isn't he?
Janosz: He was a very powerful magician, Dr. Venkman. And, a genius in many ways.
Dana: He was also a lunatic and a genocidal madman. I hate this painting.

[piloting the Statue of Liberty]
Egon: We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster?
Ray: I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet.
Egon: I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.
Peter Venkman: Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!

[Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbusters' attack]
Egon: Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster. Could you move, please?
Peter Venkman: Ray...
Winston: Ray?
Egon, Peter Venkman, Winston: RAY!
[Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo]
Ray: [demonic voice] NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, shall rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!
Peter Venkman: Now!
[they attack]

Janosz: Dana is no here.
Peter Venkman: Yeah, we know that.
Janosz: Then why are you came?

Peter Venkman: So, what happened to Mr. Right? I heard he ditched you and went to Europe.
Dana: He did not ditch me. We had some problems, and he got a very good offer from an orchestra in London and he took it.
Peter Venkman: So he ditched you?

Peter Venkman: Here's something off the request line from Liberty Island. We're gonna squeeze some New Year's juice from ya, Big Apple!

Peter Venkman: Viggy, Viggy, Viggy, you have been a bad monkey!

[the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital]
Ray: As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.
Psychiatrist: Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?
Egon: You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.
Psychiatrist: Yes, tell me about the slime.
Winston: It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it.
[motions to Peter]
Winston: And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.
Psychiatrist: A bathtub?
Peter Venkman: [with his head buried in his arms in despair] Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.

Dana: Hello, Peter.
Peter Venkman: [whips around Melodramatically, and speaks in a soap opera-esque deep tone] Hello, Dana.

Peter Venkman: Dana, you just never got it. I'm a man, I need to feel loved. I need to be desired!
Dana: When you started introducing me as the old ball and chain, that's when I left.

Egon: [talking about the mood slime after the yelling at it] We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response.
Peter Venkman: What kind of tests?
Ray: Well; we sing to it, talk to it, and say supportive nuturing things to it.
Peter Venkman: You're not sleeping with it are you Ray?
[Ray doesn't answer, but stares intently at Egon]
Peter Venkman: [noticing Egon, teasingly] You hound.
Winston: It's always the quiet ones.
Egon: [clears throat, and hastily changes the subject] How 'bout the kinetic test?

Peter Venkman: [to the other highly agitated, slime-covered ghostbusters in the restaurant] Boys! Boys! You're scaring the straights, okay? Is there any way that we could do this tomorrow?

Peter Venkman: [to his very agitated, slime covered fellow Ghostbusters in the restaurant] Boys, boys, you're scaring the straights, okay? Is there any way we can do this tomorrow?

Peter Venkman: Next week on "World of the Psychic". Hairless cats... weird.

Peter Venkman: [to Dana] Well you're probably feeling what Vigo's feeling... "Carpathian Kitten Loss" He misses his kitty! Well we'll just place one in here right by the castle
[Peter grabs a brush and moves towards the Vigo painting]
Janosz: [Trying to stop Peter] Don't go 'round altering valuable art Dr. Venkman... go... yes, I think; go... the joyfulness is over!
Dana: [to Janosz] He's kidding.
Peter Venkman: Well, you're not gonna get a green card with that attitude, pal!

Peter Venkman: [to Egon] Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?
First Cop: What are you guys doing here?
Peter Venkman: [to First Cop] You tell him to stop cutting?
First Cop: Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?
Peter Venkman: What's it look like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.
Ray: [to Peter] Hey, take it easy.
[to First Cop]
Ray: He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?
Peter Venkman: Of course you're right, Raymond.
[to Egon]
Peter Venkman: Is he right, Ziggy?
Egon: [pause] Yo!

[at the Statue of Liberty]
Peter Venkman: Hey, how many of you people out here are a national monument, raise your hand, please? Oh, hello, miss!

Con Ed Supervisor Fianella: What's going on here? Hey, what's the story?
Peter Venkman: Hey what? You boneheads are going to come to harass me on again? I got 3 thousand phone lines grounded here, I got about 8 million miles of cable I gotta check, you're gonna come and shake my monkey tree again?
Con Ed Supervisor Fianella: What are you talking about buddy, the phone lines are over there.
Peter Venkman: [Turns to Egon] What did I say to you?
[Begins slapping Egon's hardhat]
Peter Venkman: Those phone lines are over there. What did I say? How many times?
First Cop: Hey, hey. You're not with Con Ed, or the phone company, we've checked. So, tell me another one.
Peter Venkman: [Thinking of another excuse] I got a major gas leak here! What do you think all of this is coming from, the sky?

Dana: So what do you think?
Peter Venkman: Well, he's ugly. I mean, he's not Elephant Man ugly, but he's not attractive. Was his father ugly?
Dana: [to Oscar] Don't listen.
Peter Venkman: And he stinks! You're ripe, Senor! Did his father stink? Yeah, I bet Daddy was smelly, wasn't he?
Dana: But seriously, there's nothing... unusual about him, is there?
Peter Venkman: Well, I don't have a lot of experience with babies... but you're excited now, because Mama's here to get your stool sample!
Dana: Stool sample?
Peter Venkman: Yeah...

Judge Wexler: [Running from the Scolari Bros. and pounding on the door, then grabs ray by his suit jacket] You gotta do something, help me!
Ray: Don't talk to me, talk to my attorney.
Louis Tully: That's me. My guys are still under a judicial restraining order. That blue thing I got from her, they can be exposing themselves.
Peter Venkman: And you don't want us, exposing ourselves.

Peter Venkman: [while Vigo is holding Oscar] Not so fast, Vigo. Hey, Vigo, yeah you the bimbo with the baby. Didn't you know the bug shoulder look is out? You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal. Only a Carpathian, will come back to life, now and choose New York. Tasty pick, bonehead. If you had brain 1 and that "huge" melon on top of your neck, you'll be livin' the sweet life, out in southern California's beautiful San Fernando valley.

Peter Venkman: [walking towards the camera] Of course not, and that is the whole problem with aliens is you just can't trust them. Occasionally you meet a nice once: Star Man, E.T... But usually they turn out to be some kind of big lizard! But that's all the time we've got for this week on World of the Psychic. Next week though...
[Crew Member hands Peter a hairless cat]
Peter Venkman: Give me Ira. Hairless pets. Weird.
[hands the cat back to the Crew Member]
Peter Venkman: But until then, this is Peter Venkman saying-
[makes a gesture as if he is sending out a telepathic message]

Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]
[Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]
Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.
The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.
Winston: Mr. Mayor?
[Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]
The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?
Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.
The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got 2 minutes. Make it good.
Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that 50% of us voted for you in the last election.
The Mayor: I appreciate that.
Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.
Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proprtions is building up beneath the city.
The Mayor: Psycho-what?
Egon: Psychomagnatheric.
Peter Venkman: Big word, big word.
Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.
The Mayor: Can somebody speak english here?
Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.
Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]
[Aggrivated]
Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?
Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?
[to the Mayor]
Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.
Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please?
Peter Venkman: I beg your prdon, 3 million and *one*.
Hardemeyer: Hey.
Ray: And what *fuggy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.
Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah right.
The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?
[Begins to walk off]
The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your 2 minutes are up, good night gentlemen.

Peter Venkman: Dana, did you see some shirts here; in the floorboard area?
Dana: Yeah, I put them in the hamper.
Peter Venkman: I have a hamper?

Hardemeyer: Look, just put these guys away fast and make sure they go away for a long, long time, okay?
Prosecutor: I don't think it's gonna be hard with this list of charges.
Hardemeyer: Good. Very good.
[to Peter and the Ghostbusters]
Hardemeyer: Violating a judicial restraining order, willful destruction of public property, fraud, malicious mischief...
[chuckles]
Hardemeyer: See you in a couple of years at you first parole hearing.
Peter Venkman: [chuckles] They'll never take us alive.
Judge Wexler: [bangs gavel] All right, all right. Let's get on with it.

[to the bunch of reporters outside the courtroom after trapping the Scoleri Brothers]
Peter Venkman: We're the best. We're the beautiful. We're the only Ghostbusters.
Ray: [excited] We're back!

Judge Wexler: Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, Egon Spengler,
[yells]
Judge Wexler: Stand up! Get up!
[the Ghostbusters stand up]
Judge Wexler: You too, Mr. Tully.
[Louis stands up]
Judge Wexler: [furious] I find guilty on all charges. I order to pay fines in the amount of $25,000 each...
[the mood slime burbles; Ray notices it]
Judge Wexler: ... and I sentence you to 18 months in the City Correctional Facility at Riker's Island.
Ray: Egie, she's twiching.
Judge Wexler: [yells] I'M NOT FINISHED!
[slime continues to boil]
Judge Wexler: On a more presonal note, let me just go on record as saying that there's no place for fakes, charlatans...
Egon: Uh, your honor?
Judge Wexler: [cuts Egon off] Shut up! Or tricksters like you in desent society!
Peter Venkman: Your honor, this is important.
Judge Wexler: You play on the gullibility of innocent people!
Ray: Yes, sir...
Judge Wexler: Be quiet!
Ray: But...
[poits to the bubbling mood slime as it spills over]
Judge Wexler: [yelling] If my hands weren't tied by the alterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forbears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice
[screaming at the top of his lungs]
Judge Wexler: and have you BURNED AT THE STAKE!
[the ghosts of the Scoleri brothers bursts from the slime; the jury members, many vistors and the prosecutor are all frightened]
Ray: [amazed] Wow!
Judge Wexler: [shocked and frightened] Oh, my God! The Scoleri Brothers!
[Wexler leaps from his bench as the ghosts attempt to attack him. He then crawls to Louis and the now-prosecuted Ghostbusters]
Judge Wexler: [yells] The Scoleri Brothers!
Ray: Friends of yours?
Judge Wexler: I've tried them for murder! Gave them the chair!

[Wexler, Louis, Peter, Ray, and Egon all watch the prosecuting attorney being carried by one of the Scoleri brothers outside the courtroom]
Judge Wexler: [wailing] Ohhh...
Peter Venkman: You're next, bubbles.
Judge Wexler: [screams] ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I rescind the order! Case dismissed!
Louis Tully: Hooray, we won the case!
Judge Wexler: Now do something!

Peter Venkman: I have more than two grades of laundry, okay? There's not just clean and dirty. There are many subtle levels. Okay? See? You hang this outside the window for twenty minutes... it's perfectly fine.

Peter Venkman: Dana, the guys are going down to the sewer to check for slime stuff. And Egon thinks there may be a huge surge in cockroach breeding. Want to blow off this dinner thing and go with them?
Dana: Taxi!

Peter Venkman: [the Ghostbusters enters the museum's restoration room] All right, suck in the guts, guys. We're the Ghostbusters.
[they breathe in]
Janosz: [approaches the four; claps] No! No, please go! You...
Ray: Who's this wiggler?
Ray: He's yours, Ray. Sic him.
Peter Venkman: [to Peter] I have discuss things with you. Now I...
Ray: Hi, how are you? Ray Stantz from the Ghostbusters. Nice to see you. Beautiful lab you have here.
Janosz: Can I tell what I told your friend?
Ray: We're just doing a routine spook check.
Janosz: Eh, Dr. Venkman, Dana is not here.
Peter Venkman: Yeah, we know that, Johnny.
Janosz: So why are you came?
Peter Venkman: Well, we got a report there was a major creep in the area. We checked our list and you were right there at the top. Johnny, where the hell are you from anyway?
Janosz: The Upper West Side.
Egon: The whole room's extremely hot, Peter.
Janosz: Hot?
Winston: [notices the painting of Vigo] Ooh, that's one ugly dude.
Peter Venkman: Oh, that's Vigo. Mr. Vigo?
Janosz: Uh...
Peter Venkman: [starts to take pictures of Vigo] Vigs, would you look this way, please?
Janosz: Please. No, don't. No, no!
Peter Venkman: Come on, show me something.
Janosz: No! No photographs, please! Slides are available in the Gift Shop, eh?
[Winston pulls Janosz out of the way; Janosz yells]
Peter Venkman: Yeah, thanks. Thank you, Winston.


Ghostbusters (2009) (VG)
Winston Zeddemore: [as they drive towards a "situation" while others run away] Just *once*, I wouldn't mind running with these other fools *away* from the trouble.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Where's the fun in that?

Dr. Egon Spengler: All my data indicated the ghost world is beginning to push through multiple cross-portals from their dimension into ours.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, more overtime.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [Stay Puft has been splattered all over the street] You've KILLED my dessert!

Dr. Egon Spengler: [after The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man falls off the building and explodes into goo that falls onto the street] Ray! Peter! We're in position! The trap is set! We're prepared to capture Stay Puft... Where is he?
Dr. Peter Venkman: He's that white puddle you're driving through.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Venkman. Come in please! Pandemonium up here! Chucks of the building missing everywhere! You are required at the sight now!
Dr. Peter Venkman: [via walkie talkie] So happy to be of demand, but these sugar balls have got me nailed down. I can't get pass them. They're disgusting, and they are unhealthy.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Uh, did I mention there's a spectacularly beautiful lady in distress?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'll be right there.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray! I don't feel good!

Dr. Peter Venkman: That little mutant Stromboli snuck up on me! GAH... functified again!

Dr. Peter Venkman: [on Shandor Island] I thought I was making a nice gesture, and you're giving me the suspicious look. Drop it instantly. Let's get going, because nobody enjoys rushing headlong towards their death more than this fellow.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [about Peck] I always pictured Peck as a pencil pushing, bureaucratic prick. But, I would never think that he is an evil occultist.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [after traping a ghost] Yeah, that's what happens when you mess with the men in beige.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Kill it, Ray!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Ray, follow me; the others are floating back upstairs. Venkman; pull our friend Slimer into a trap as fast as you can. There's a massive bulge in these spikes indicating this isn't just some routine clearing job.
Dr. Peter Venkman: He gets so bossy when he hasn't had his nap.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Coffee time everyone, service has been declined beyond this point.

[the Ghostbusters' commercial is on TV]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Are you troubled by strange noises in the night?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Have you or your family actually seen a spook, specter or ghost?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Just pick up the phone and call the professionals!
Ghostbusters: Call the Ghostbusters! We're ready to believe you!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Franchises available soon! Call for details.

[Slimer has escaped and returned to the Sedgewick Hotel]
Sedgewick Hotel Manager: That disgusting green blob is up on the 12th floor again, wreaking havoc! I demand a refund right now!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Sir, if you check the fine print on our invoice...
Dr. Raymond Stantz: *Invoices*.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Right, invoices, you'll see that your warranty on re-haunting expired some time ago. You should've taken the extended service agreement.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Rookie] Part of our settlement with the city: proton packs must remain off in heavily populated public areas.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: And in close quarters. It minimizes the city's liabilities and satisfies the restraining order the maid here had put on us.

[Egon and Ray have given the Rookie an upgraded Proton Pack]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Hey, how come this mump gets all the new stuff?
Dr. Egon Spengler: He's our new Experimental Equipment Technician.
Dr. Peter Venkman: He gets a cool title, too?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: It means he gets to carry around a bunch of untested, extremely dangerous hardware that if not handled correctly could blow him somewhere into New Jersey.

Dr. Egon Spengler: [while making adjustments to Ray's Proton Pack] This could be dangerous.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Great. Danger is our life.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We'll start at fifty-percent capacity. That should keep any burning or tissue damage to a minimum.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Hey. If you're going to burn any tissue, do it to the new kid. You can't use Ray. Our mortgage is in his name.

Dr. Egon Spengler: [after defeating several flying stone gargoyles] Interesting. Ghosts and gargoyles.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Hey! That was a game: 'Ghosts and Gargoyles', a game we played when I was in the Seminary.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Ghosts and Gargoyles. What dink game didn't you play? Do you have your eight-sided dice with you?


"The Real Ghostbusters: Look Homeward, Ray (#1.9)" (1986)
Winston Zeddemore: Ray's got problems.
Peter Venkman: Yeah, well, we knew that back in college.

Peter Venkman: Yeah! That's one card board cut-out who won't sasse us!
[after Ray destroys a practice target]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: It would be pure stupidity to go back and try to prove something.
Peter Venkman: Five bucks says he goes back.
[quietly to Winston]
Winston Zeddemore: You're on.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Get up - I think we've got a problem.
[to all the three sleeping Ghostbusters]
Peter Venkman: Oh, wake me when you're sure.
[pulling the blanket over his head]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: The equipment isn't defective, I am.
Peter Venkman: Can this guy admit his faults, I ask ya?

Peter Venkman: And we won't be able to sing barber ship quartet anymore!
[to Ray after he quits]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: We never did!
Peter Venkman: True, but we could of.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I've got a plan.
Peter Venkman: No electric shock, Egon.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I've got another plan.

Peter Venkman: I never thought it would end like this! Fighting a flying cat from inside a shoe!

Peter Venkman: You planned this?
[yelling at Ray]


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Boogieman Cometh (#1.6)" (1986)
Peter Venkman: [about the Boogeyman] Heck of a way to make a living. But still, when you think about how many kids they are, he's got job security.

Ray Stantz: [Winston's driving crazily chasing a ghost] Easy...
Peter Venkman: Okay, we're on him now. Watch out for the hot dog cart, Winston, don't hit the news stand.
Winston Zeddemore: Ray, you should've put another wheel in the backseat for him.

[last lines]
Peter Venkman: Let me blast him, I mean it. I'm talking full stream here. This ghost is toast. Let go of me!

Ray Stantz: [about the Bogeyman] It's not a ghost! How are we gonna get it in the trap?
Winston Zeddemore: Good question! Why didn't you think of that before?
Peter Venkman: Go full stream! Maybe we can force him back in the closet!

Ray Stantz: Peter... tell me a story.
Winston Zeddemore: He's just getting into the role.
Peter Venkman: He's going to be in a whole body cast in about a minute.
[goes into the bedroom, quickly]
Peter Venkman: Once upon a time there were four Ghostbusters who had a job to do only they couldn't do it because one of them wouldn't GO TO SLEEP. THE END!

[after the Ghostbusters confronted the Bogeyman for the first time]
Kenny Carter: Now do you believe me?
Peter Venkman: Oh, yeah, kid. Oh, yeah.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We've gotta go after it!
Winston Zeddemore: No we don't. Show me where it says that.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Why didn't they believe us?
Peter Venkman: Egon, we told 'em there was a monster in their kids' closet. We're just lucky they didn't have us arrested.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We've gotta go back there and find it again!
Winston Zeddemore: Wrong! What we've gotta do is some serious thinkin' about how to catch this thing.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Citizen Ghost (#1.11)" (1986)
Peter Venkman: Where'd he go?
Ray Stantz: [under the car] Where'd who go, Peter?
Peter Venkman: You know, the green guy, the little spud, the... whatever he is...
Ray Stantz: Who? What? Where?
Peter Venkman: Never mind, just keep your ears open.

Peter Venkman: [Hears Slimer] What the heck is that?
Winston Zeddmore: Can't be the plumbing, I just fixed it.

Peter Venkman: Why do I say things like that? I always get in trouble.

Cynthia Crawford: You must be Peter Venkman.
Peter Venkman: Well if I must, I must, though I'd much rather be...
Cynthia Crawford: If you don't mind, I've already driven off of that bridge.

Cynthia Crawford: This must be the infamous Slimer.
Slimer: Well if I must I must.
Peter Venkman: Skip it, Slimer, she's already heard it.

Egon Spengler: [checking the equipment. Egon notices Peter's not paying attention] Transwarp drive?
Peter: [yawning] Check.
Egon Spengler: Ha! Caught you. We don't have transwarp drive.
Peter: If we don't have it, it's not broken. If it's not broken it doesn't need to be fixed. If it doesn't need to be fixed it's a "check." So "Check"
Egon Spengler: [fuming] I'm not speaking to you for a week.

Egon Spengler: I'm not speaking to you for a week. It's not good for me.
Peter Venkman: Hey, don't make fun. This is how I got through college.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Venkman's Ghost Repellers (#2.27)" (1987)
Janine Melnitz: I think it's sweet, it'll make it more of a family business.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sweet enough to get us all arrested, that's fraud, Peter.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I know! His whole life he's made a living off selling things that don't exist!

Dr. Peter Venkman: You're going to land us all in litigation heaven. I'll have lawyers following me around for the rest of my days.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, you idiot!
Dr. Egon Spengler: No, this is right, trust me.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: We're all gonna die!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Heard from you dad yet?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nope.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Expect to hear from him?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, I expect to get a postcard from him saying he's in Alaska selling... the Eskimos icemakers.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Captain, I'm sorry but we're booked solid for a week, I get seasick, I hate the ocean...
Captain: I have two words for you, Venkman Repellers.
Dr. Peter Venkman: My dad?
Captain: One and the same.
Dr. Peter Venkman: As I was saying, I love the ocean, it's big and it's wet... and we're going on a cruise, Ray!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Wow!
Dr. Peter Venkman: [dryly] Yeah, wow.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Knock, Knock (#2.40)" (1987)
Winston Zeddemore: Just because you had a bad day is no reason to take it out on Slimer.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I don't care! I don't like him! I've never liked him!
Dr. Egon Spengler: That could be part of the problem. Maybe he eats because he wants to feel accepted. Remember, he's a ghost living with four people whose job it is to bust ghosts. How would you feel?

Dr. Peter Venkman: Hey Ray, I don't know about you but I'm going next door to complain again. The neighbors have their stereo up too loud. You wanna come?

Dr. Peter Venkman: That was great, that was really great. Can we do it again?
Doomsday Door: Do not open until Doomsday.
Dr. Peter Venkman: It was just an idea.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [quietly, to Slimer] You breath a word of this to anybody and I'll deny it.
[feeds Slimer a pizza]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Goodnight, Slimer.

[the Ghostbusters discover that they must be trapped in the Doomsday Door without a chance of escape in order to close it and save the world]
Peter Venkman (I): [yelling over wind] Egon, you kidder! I'll bet you knew this all along and just didn't tell us! Am I right?
Egon Spengler: [yelling] It's our only chance! But I figured if I told you the whole story, you wouldn't want to do it!
Peter Venkman (I): That's a terrible thing to say, Egon! You're right, of course, but it's still a terible thing to say!


"The Real Ghostbusters: Slimer, Come Home (#1.4)" (1986)
Winston Zeddemore: Slimer just can't help himself.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Are you kidding me? He helps himself to everything that's not nailed down or on fire!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Slimer would never run away, he's got it too good here.
Janine Melnitz: Oh no?
[reads the note Slimer left]
Janine Melnitz: No one likes me. I'm always doing bad things. I try but I just can't help myself. So it's better if I leave. Goodbye forever, Slimer.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Can I see that?
[takes the note]
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You can read this?
Janine Melnitz: I'm a secretary, I can read anything.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Come on home, Slimer, all's forgiven! Well... almost.

Slimer: [looks in a candy store window] Yum yum, cookies!
[remembering Peter's words]
Dr. Peter Venkman: He helps himself to anything that's not nailed down.
Slimer: [sighs] Bye, cookies.

Dr. Peter Venkman: If I were Slimer, where would I go? Beats me, poor little guy. I'm almost ready to forgive him for all the times he slimed me.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Ragnarok and Roll (#2.3)" (1987)
Cindy: Is all of your equipment this dangerous?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, no, no. Well, actually it is. But we're all very well trained. We haven't blown up a house in... days.

Dr. Peter Venkman: We're the Ghostbusters. We're trained to meet the unusual before it happens.

Cindy: When we broke up, Jeremy took it pretty hard. He went a little... well...
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nuts? Bonkers? Monkeys? Loopy? Loony? Crackers?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I think we get the idea. Go ahead, pay no attention to him. We never do.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [a demon has scratched the roof of Ecto-1, the Ghostbusters' signature automobile] That THING hurt Ecto-1!
Dr. Peter Venkman: The world's being destroyed and he worries about Ecto-1. We must speak to him later about his priorities.
Winston Zeddemore: If there IS a later...
Dr. Peter Venkman: Y'know, you're really no fun anymore.


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Collect Call of Cthulhu (#2.32)" (1987)
Dr. Peter Venkman: This joint would scare Stephen King.

Dr. Peter Venkman: You sure don't look smart.
Alice Derleth: I beg your pardon?

Winston Zeddemore: I thought *you* were suppposed to rotate the tires.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I figured why bother? They rotate enough when the car's moving.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Hey no problem, we'll just put on the spare and...
Dr. Peter Venkman: That *was* the spare.

Peter Venkman (I): [about Cthulhu] Anything that looks like Godzilla wearing an octopus hat shouldn't be hard to find.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Last Train to Oblivion (#2.52)" (1987)
Dr. Peter Venkman: I've always loved trains, ever since I was a little boy. I used to dream about driving a big locomotive. I studied engineering for two years in college before I found out it didn't have anything to do with trains.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [on the phone] Do you know what time it is?
[checks his watch]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well yeah, that's right, but what do you want anyway?

Peter Venkman: I've always loved trains, ever since I was a little boy. I used to dream about driving a big locomotive. I studied engineering in college for two years before I found out it didn't have anything to do with trains.


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Thing in Mrs. Faversham's Attic (#2.38)" (1987)
Peter: How come we never meet anything cute? It's always big and mean with lots of teeth.

Peter Venkman (I): Seven years of college and I can never remember if it's positive to negative or positive to positive.

Egon Spengler: Maybe the noise was physical in origin. Squirrels on the roof perhaps.
[a huge pounding sound starts to shake the whole house]
Peter Venkman: Squirrels, Egon?
Egon Spengler: Okay, FAT squirrels, playing basketball. Satisfied?


"The Real Ghostbusters: Mrs. Roger's Neighborhood (#1.3)" (1986)
Peter Venkman: [hears a voice say 'Watt'] What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [entering the room] What?
Peter Venkman: Did you say 'what'?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Peter, I'm trying to work here.
Winston Zeddemore: [enters the room] Say what?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I didn't say 'what'.
Peter Venkman: Then who did?
Winston Zeddemore: Did what?
Peter Venkman: Say 'what'?

Peter Venkman: [They open fire in a closet where they get high PKE readings] Whoa! Hold it! Cease fire! There's nothing in here but Mrs. Roger's dress.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You mean Mrs. Roger's dress is Watt?
Dr. Egon Spengler: No, Ray, Mrs. Rogers *is* Watt.

Peter Venkman: [can't get Janine on the radio] I wonder what's blocking the transmission.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: She sure is.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Ghosts R Us (#1.1)" (1986)
Winston Zeddemore: Don't look now guys, but it's raining chocolate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I hope those are soft centers.

Peter Venkman (I): Don't fear... Dr Venkman and his STAFF are here!


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Old College Spirit (#2.55)" (1987)
Dr. Peter Venkman: Alright, bring back the furniture! My fraternity stole it first!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [being ambushed by the fraternity ghosts] What was that you were saying, Peter, a piece of cake?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Hearsay, Ray, nothing that'll hold up in a court of law.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream (#1.7)" (1986)
Peter Venkman: So nice of you to finally join us for breakfast, Dr. Venkman.
[Peter shuffles over to the table and mumbles something]
Winston Zeddemore (I): What'd he say?
Egon Spengler: I think he said coffee, possibly cookie.

Peter: Oh, no! I'm not going anywhere until I've had my breakfast.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Xmas Marks the Spot (#1.13)" (1986)
Peter Venkman: [Has Scrooge looking through a viewmaster] Don't touch the magic window or we'll fall.

Winston Zeddemore: Egon! No, Wait!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Those three ghosts, Egon! Are they?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Of course. I just finished now.
Peter Venkman: Egon, you sure you can't let those three loose without letting them all out?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Correct, but... why would we want to?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Oh, no. I can't believe it. We really done it this time.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Why, what, what did we do?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: We just killed Christmas, Egon. Christmas is gone. Forever.


"The Real Ghostbusters: Cold Cash and Hot Water (#2.19)" (1987)
[rushing to Madison Square Gardens to stop Charlie from releasing the demon, Egon and Peter are caught in a fleeing crowd]
Dr. Egon Spengler: Something tells me we're too late.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What gave you that idea?

[Charlie sprints out of Madison Square Gardens and jumps in the back of Peter's cab]
Cabbie: Where to?
Dr. Charlie Venkman: AUSTRALIA!


"The Real Ghostbusters: Night Game (#2.7)" (1987)
Additional Voices: It was a test. Would you cheat for your friend, or would you trust in fair play and let good win on its own terms? Perhaps one day we'll meet again.
[vanishes mysteriously]
Egon Spengler: You know, I wish I'd been able to study that umpire a little more closely, gotten a few more readings.
Peter: [looking at Winston] We've saved our buddy here. Isn't that enough?
Winston Zeddemore (I): [confused] What?
Ray Stantz: We knew all along that it was your soul being played for, Winston.
Winston Zeddemore (I): Oh no, you got it wrong. It was your soul we were playing for, Peter. That's why they let me play.
Peter: You mean I almost...! Then if I'd cheated it would have been my...! That's it! From now on I only go to Mets games!

Umpire: It was a test. You had to choose. Would you cheat for your friend or trust in far play and let good win on its own terms. Perhaps one day we'll meet again.
[vanishes mysteriously]
Egon Spengler: You know, I wish I had been able to study that umpire a little more closely, gotten a few more readings.
Peter Venkman (I): [looking at Winston] We've saved our buddy here, isn't that enough?
Winston Zeddemore (I): [confused] What?
Ray Stantz: We knew all along that it was your soul being played for, Winston
Winston Zeddemore (I): Oh no, you got it wrong. It was your soul we were playing for, Peter. That's why they let me play.
Peter Venkman (I): You mean I almost... Then if I'd cheated it would have been my... That's it, from now on I only go to Mets games!


"The Real Ghostbusters: When Halloween Was Forever (#1.8)" (1986)
Egon Spengler: I have an idea, but it will take some time. You three try a frontal assault. That ought to distract him.
Peter: [to Ray and Winston] I don't know, giving us the easy stuff... do you think that is fair?

Peter: Nobody picks on the little spud except me.


"The Real Ghostbusters: No One Comes to Lupusville (#2.16)" (1987)
Peter Venkman: [speaking while both are surrounded by vampires] Boy, it's true what they say: you can't tell one weirdy from another without a score card.
Ray Stantz: Nice going Peter, get their trust.


"Extreme Ghostbusters: Back in the Saddle: Part 2 (#1.38)" (1997)
Dr. Egon Spengler: I theorize that this entity will keep on ingesting matter until it's size and density achieves critical mass. And then...
Peter Venkman: Yeah, don't tell me. It will let out one colossal burp.
Dr. Egon Spengler: It will most likely become quasi-gravitational.
Ray Stantz: Like a black hole in space. Instead of moving towards matter, all matter will be drawn to 'it'.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Exactly, Ray. It will, in essence, devour everything there is; starting with New York City, then the eastern seaboard, and eventually...
Janine Melnitz: [intercom] Speaking of eating, quick question. Does anybody want yams instead of mashed potatoes?


"The Real Ghostbusters: Moaning Stones (#2.39)" (1987)
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's no good. We need something even more disharmonic - something with no coherence - not the slightest...
Janine Melnitz: Where are we going to find something like -?
Winston Zeddemore: Peter, old buddy. You still have that tape with you, don't you?
Dr. Peter Venkman: You can't be serious! You can't be talking about my -? Oh no!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Oh yes!


"The Real Ghostbusters: Take Two (#1.10)" (1986)
Peter Venkman (I): [watching the Ghostbusters first movie in the theater] He doesn't look a thing like me!


"The Real Ghostbusters: Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Ghost? (#2.20)" (1987)
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's blow this pop stand.


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Spirit of Aunt Lois (#2.41)" (1987)
Janine Melnitz: [Peter's aiming his particle thrower at Slimer, who has taken cover behind Janine] Dr. Venkman, don't you dare! There's nothing in my job description about target practice!
Dr. Egon Spengler: [coming in] Peter, stop! This is irrational!
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, Egon, finding the refrigerator empty is irrational. Slime in my shoes is irrational. This will be fun.


"Extreme Ghostbusters: Back in the Saddle: Part 1 (#1.37)" (1997)
Peter Venkman: You never change you nasty green slime machine, you... bad goblin!


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Bogeyman Is Back (#3.4)" (1987)
Dr. Peter Venkman: Great! Boogey's back and he's loose in New York.
Ray Stantz: That means that every kid in the city is in danger.
Winston Zeddemore: Including the Junior Ghostbusters!


"The Real Ghostbusters: Don't Forget the Motor City (#2.59)" (1987)
Winston Zeddemore (I): Couldn't you at least have used a decent color?
Egon Spengler: Pea soup green is my favorite color.
Ray Stantz: I have a tuxedo that color.
Peter Venkman: That's one of the reasons you're such a lonely man, Ray.
Gremlin 1: Couldn't we paint it another color first?
Gremlin 2: What's wrong with pea soup green? I have a diphthong
[?]
Gremlin 2: that color.
Gremlin 1: That's one of the reasons you're such a lonely gremlin, Gorner.


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Cabinet of Calamari (#2.13)" (1987)
Winston Zeddemore (I): With Calimari gone, no one else can bring her out of her trance.
Egon Spengler: We've tried hypnosis, past life regression, ouiji boards, give-way music. What's left?
Peter Venkman (I): The obvious last resort. Haven't you seen Sleeping Beauty?
[he kisses her cheek]
Girl: [comes out of trance] Thank you. Calamari said the only other way someone could bring me out was if I kissed a toad. How did you ever find a toad in New York?


"The Real Ghostbusters: Chicken, He Clucked (#2.26)" (1987)
Morgannon: [Near the end of the episode, after they defeat Cubby] Thanks, fellas. You may be a pain in the neck to my kind most of the time, but for now, I owe you one. See you around - well, uh, one of you anyway.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Peter, Ray, and Egon all look at Peter] How come you guys always look at me when somebody says stuff like that?
Winston Zeddemore, Dr. Egon Spengler, Dr. Raymond Stantz: [All in unison] No comment!


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Devil to Pay (#2.49)" (1987)
Peter Venkman (I): Egon, remember what I said. If you're gonna stay on this planet, you have to speak our language.
[the Ghostbusters are on the demon Dib Deblin's game show]
Winston Zeddemore (I): I sold my soul to the devil. I sold my soul to the devil.
Egon Spengler: Actually, Winston, Dib Devlin is only a minor demon.
Winston Zeddemore (I): I sold my soul to a minor demon. I sold my soul to a minor demon.


"The Real Ghostbusters: The Scaring of the Green (#2.46)" (1987)
Ray Stantz: [Slimer has just eaten the four-leaf clover Peter has searched high and low for to fight the Bog Hound] Well, now I know what happened to my rabbit's foot...
Dr. Peter Venkman: [aghast, about Slimer] He *ate* it!


"The Real Ghostbusters: Egon's Dragon (#2.15)" (1987)
Egon Spengler: Do you talk about the loons and the scoundrels in your family tree?
Peter Venkman (I): If I didn't, I wouldn't have anybody to talk about.