Aunt Harriet Cooper
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Quotes for
Aunt Harriet Cooper (Character)
from Batman: The Movie (1966)

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"Batman: Marsha's Scheme of Diamonds (#2.24)" (1966)
Batman: [Batman stands at the wedding altar with Marsha as the bridal March plays] I... I...
Clergyman: Say "I do."
Batman: I...
Alfred: [Suddenly Alfred the butler walks into the chapel with Aunt Harriet dressed in black wearing a veil] Stop the wedding!
Clergyman: [All the guests begin murmuring] This is no time for pranks, my good man. We are in the midst of a sacred ceremony.
Alfred: I assure you, sir, this is no prank.
Marsha: Who are you?
Alfred: Ethelbert Soames, solicitor at law with the firm of Soames, Stillwell and Thistlewaite, Liverpool, England.
[Alfred then hands out his "business cards" to first the clergyman, then to Marcia the bride, then to Batman]
Alfred: My card. My Card. My Card.
[Batman's card reads as written "THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY, SIR"]
Clergyman: What has this to do with the wedding?
Alfred: Allow me to present my client. Formerly Miss Henrietta Tillitson of Morton in the Marsh, Gloucestershire.
Marsha: What do you mean "formerly"?
Alfred: I mean that for the last seven years, she has been Mrs. Batman.
Marsha: [the wedding guests gasps] Mrs Batman?
Alfred: Yes. If you care to examine the wedding certificate...
[Alfred hands over the wedding certificate to the clergyman]
Alfred: Duly attested by the registrar at Morton in the Marsh and dated seven years ago.
Clergyman: Why didn't you tell me about this, Batman?
Batman: It, uh, uh, it slipped my mind.
Clergyman: Slipped your mind, indeed. I am not in the practice of marrying bigamists.
[the angry clergyman walks out]
Marsha: Why, you two-timing Bat-Fink! How dare you leave a poor, defensless girl waiting at the altar.
Alfred: Not poor, I hope, madam. We are instituting a lawsuit for $1,000,000 for the alienation of the husband's affections.
Marsha: [Marcia gasps] Let's get out of here.
Batman: [after Marcia and the grand mogul exit the chapel, Batman steps closer to his supposed "wife of 7 years" who is really Aunt Harriet as she unveils herself to Batman's surprise] Mrs. Cooper!
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Why, I wasn't sure that you'd remember me, Batman.
Batman: Of course I remember you. I've always treasured our brief meetings. And I certainly want to thank you for the help you gave me here today.
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Oh, I'm glad. I was afraid you'd be angry with us for stretching the truth the way we did.
Batman: Not under the circumstances, believe me.

Alfred: If we can be of any further service, sir...
Batman: As a matter of fact, Mr...
Alfred: Alfred will do, sir.
Batman: As a matter of fact, Alfred, yes. Since Robin is currently out of commission, I'd appreciate it if you would accompany me in the batmobile.
Alfred: Certainly, sir. I've always wanted to ride in that ingenious vehicle.
Batman: Good.
[Batman turns back to Aunt Harriet]
Batman: Again my thanks, Mrs. Cooper. You were truly... superb!
Aunt Harriet Cooper: [And as Batman and Alfred leave the chapel, Aunt Harriet chuckles] Oh! Bruce will never believe it when I tell him.

"Batman: The Dead Ringers (#2.16)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: [Pointing a gun at Harry] As they say in the movies, stick up your mitts!

Aunt Harriet Cooper: [Aunt Harriet has received a Citizen's Special Anti-Crime Award] A person just does what he has to do. And that's what makes America great, isn't it?
Commissioner Gordon: If only there were more like her!

"Batman: Not Yet, He Ain't (#1.22)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Batman and Robin dead? What in the world is going to become of us?
Alfred Pennyworth: Perhaps that's a better question than you realize, madam.
Aunt Harriet Cooper: How I wish Bruce and Dick were here. Maybe they could console me.
Alfred Pennyworth: I doubt that very much, Mrs Cooper. I doubt it very much.
[pulls out a hankerchief to dry his eyes]

"Batman: The Greatest Mother of Them All (#2.9)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: [helping an increasingly-frustrated Dick learn Greek verbs] Now what do you want to do first: parse, conjugate, or decline?
Dick Grayson: [using a slightly different definition than Aunt Harriet meant] Decline!

"Batman: Black Widow Strikes Again (#2.55)" (1967)
Mrs. Cooper: I wanted to get a mini skirt, but the salesgirl wasn't sure I had the face for it.

"Batman: Green Ice (#2.19)" (1966)
Bruce Wayne: [Bruce Wayne is being robbed at his own pool-side party and unable to slip way to become Batman] Don't fight it, Aunt Harriet. One day these men will get their just deserts.
Aunt Harriet Cooper: [disgruntled] Oh!
Dick Grayson: You said it, Aunt Harriet!

"Batman: The Curse of Tut (#1.27)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: [Alfred comes up as they are about to leave] What is it Alfred?
Alfred: The telephone Madam. Police Commissioner Gordon wishes to speak with Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: [Aunt Harriet and Dick look at Bruce who is as surprised] With me Alfred?
Alfred: Yes sir, he was most distinct. With Mr. Bruce Wayne.

"Batman: An Egg Grows in Gotham (#2.13)" (1966)
Mrs. Cooper: Those two are so busy, I'll wager Batman and Robin don't get around as much as Bruce and Dick!
Alfred: I, eh, I rather doubt that, madam.

"Batman: Flop Goes the Joker (#2.58)" (1967)
[Alfred and the Joker are engaged in a swordfight]
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Alfred, be careful! The Joker is an arch-criminal!
Alfred Pennyworth: I know, madam, but a very poor fencer.

"Batman: The Ring of Wax (#1.23)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Oh, those two! Hither, thither, and yon!

"Batman: The Bat's Kow Tow (#2.30)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: [enjoying Chad and Jeremy's performance] Very hep, Alfred.
Dick Grayson: It's 'hip', Aunt Harriet, they changed it.

"Batman: The Joker Is Wild (#1.5)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: I'm afraid you're going to have to practice more diligently, Dick. You're just not making any progress with Chopin.
Dick Grayson: Gee whiz, Aunt Harriet, what's so important about Chopin?
Bruce Wayne: All music is important, Dick. It's the universal language. One of our best hopes for the eventual realization of the brotherhood of man.

"Batman: Hot Off the Griddle (#2.3)" (1966)
Dick Grayson: Oh boy! I like Rock & Roll music as much as the next red-blooded average American teenager. But this stuff is awful!
[turns off the record player Aunt Harriet is dancing to and hands the record to Alfred]
Aunt Harriet Cooper: It's the latest dance. They call it the 'Catussi'.
Alfred: [looking at the label] By 'Benedict Arnold and the Traitors'.

"Batman: Batman Is Riled (#1.6)" (1966)
Aunt Harriet Cooper: It's time for your piano lesson, Dick.
Dick Grayson: [watching television with Bruce and Alfred] Aw, gee, Aunt Harriet, I wanna hear about the Joker!
Aunt Harriet Cooper: The Joker?
[turns off the television set]
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Bruce Wayne, I'm surprised at you. Allowing a boy Dick's age to listen to such sordid goings on.
[Bruce winks at Dick as Aunt Harriet addresses Dick]
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Now you march yourself straight over to that piano, young man.
Dick Grayson: [desperate glance at Bruce] Golly G-minor, Bruce, do I have to?
Bruce Wayne: Who am I to oppose your Aunt Harriet? I doubt whether even Batman would wanna take that job on.