Harley Quinn
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Quotes for
Harley Quinn (Character)
from "Batman: The Animated Series" (1992)

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Suicide Squad (2016)
Captain Boomerang: [regarding Katana] Hey, well, you know what they say about the crazy ones.
Harley Quinn: Huh?

Harley Quinn: [to Katana] Love your perfume. What is that? The stench of death?

Harley Quinn: Huh? What was that? I should kill everyone and escape?
[to SEALs]
Harley Quinn: Sorry. The voices.
Harley Quinn: I'm kidding! Jeez! That's not what they really said.

[Harley smashes a shop window]
Rick Flag: Seriously? The hell's wrong with you people?
Harley Quinn: [takes a purse] We're bad guys. It's what we do.

Harley Quinn: [at a bar] Whatcha having, K.C.?
Deadshot: Bloody Mary, right?
Killer Croc: Drink dulls the mind.
Harley Quinn: K.C., it's the end of the world. Have a drink with us.
Killer Croc: Beer.
Captain Boomerang: There he is. Give the man a beer.
Harley Quinn: How about you, hot stuff?
Diablo: Water.
Harley Quinn: That's a good idea, honey.
[pours water]
Harley Quinn: Ninja? You want some sake?
Katana: Whiskey.
Harley Quinn: Whiskey.
Deadshot: [points to shot glass] What am I, 12?

Rick Flag: You disobey me, you die.
[Killer Croc growls]
Rick Flag: You try to escape, you die. You otherwise irritate or vex me... and guess what? You die.
Harley Quinn: I'm known to be quite vexing. I'm just forewarning you.
Rick Flag: Lady, shut up!

[Harley Quinn changes her clothes in public]
Harley Quinn: [sees everyone staring at her] What?

Harley Quinn: [walks from a helicopter crash] What a ride!

Harley Quinn: [regarding Diablo] I love this guy.

Harley Quinn: I'm bored. Play with me.

Amanda Waller: [narrating] And that was just the beginning.
[Joker and Harley drive crazily through Gotham City when Batman starts to follow]
Harley Quinn: Come on, Puddin'. Do it!
The Joker: Oh. We have got company.
Harley Quinn: Batsy, Batsy, Batsy.
Amanda Waller: [narrating] She's crazier than him. And more fearless.
[Batman leaps onto the roof of the car]
Harley Quinn: Stupid Bats, you're ruining date night!
[Harley attempts to shoot Batman through the roof]

The Joker: I love this guy. He's so intense!
Monster T: [looking at Harley dancing] Mmm. You're a lucky man. You got a bad bitch.
The Joker: Oh, that she is. The fire in my loins. The itch in my crotch. The one, the only, the infamous Harley Quinn!
[whistles for Harley]
The Joker: Ooh, come to Daddy.
Harley Quinn: Puddin'!
The Joker: Listen, you are my gift to this handsome hunka hunka! You belong to him now.
Harley Quinn: Well...
[barks at Monster T and laughs]
Harley Quinn: You're cute. You want me? I'm all yours.
Monster T: I don't want no beef.
The Joker: You don't want no beef?
The Joker: You don't want no beef? You don't want no beef?
Harley Quinn: Why, what's wrong? You don't like me? Fine. Don't waste my time then.
Monster T: This is your lady.
The Joker: Look, are you enjoying yourself?
The Joker: No. That's your lady, Joker.
The Joker: That's right.

Amanda Waller: [narration] Before she ran off and joined the circus, she was known as Dr. Harleen Quinzel. A psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum. She was assigned to The Clown himself.
The Joker: Dr. Quinzel. You know, I live for these moments with you. What do you got?
Harley Quinn: I got you a kitty.
The Joker: So thoughtful.
Amanda Waller: [narration] She thought she was curing him, but she was falling in love.
The Joker: There is something you could do for me, Doctor.
Harley Quinn: Anything. I mean, yeah.
The Joker: I need a machine gun
Harley Quinn: A machine gun?
Amanda Waller: [narration] Talk about a workplace romance gone wrong.

Harley Quinn: You got all dressed up for me?
The Joker: Oh, you know I'd do anything for you. By the way, I've got some grape soda on ice and a bear skin rug waiting.
Harley Quinn: Yeah?
Frost: Boss, we got a problem!
[the Joker's helicopter is struck by a missile]
The Joker: Huh? This bird... is baked. Okay honey, it's me and you.
Harley Quinn: Let's do it!

Harley Quinn: What, I got a hickey or something?
The Joker: Professor, could you pick up the pace?
[Harley receives text from the Joker, then moves towards his helicopter]
Deadshot: Harley!
The Joker: Hello, baby!
Amanda Waller: Kill her!
Rick Flag: Her nanite's disarmed!
The Joker: Come on, baby!

Harley Quinn: Are you the Devil?
Amanda Waller: Maybe.

The Joker: Would you die for me?
Harley Quinn: Yes.
The Joker: That's too easy. Would you live for me?

Griggs: Stay back. If she moves, fire her up, all right?
[to Harley]
Griggs: You gonna come down from there or what?
[Harley laughs and swings slowly down to the floor]
Griggs: Oh yeah, look at you.
[Harley lands and goes to the front of her cell]
Griggs: You know the rules, hotness. You gotta keep off of these bars.
Harley Quinn: What, these bars?
Griggs: Yeah. Those bars.
[Harley licks the bar]
Griggs: Oh, my God. You are really in bad shape upstairs, lady!
Harley Quinn: Gonna come in here and tell me that? Or are you too scared? Come on, I'm bored. I'm bored. Play with me.
Griggs: You put five of my guards in the hospital, honey. No one's gonna play with you. You sleep on the ground.
Harley Quinn: I sleep where I want, when I want, with who I want.
Griggs: Oh man. I love you.
[on radio]
Griggs: Alpha One, hit her.

[Sees that Joker is about to drive through the railing, into the river]
Harley Quinn: Puddin'.
[Hysterically panicking as the car goes into to the water]
Harley Quinn: Puddin', I can't swim!

Deadshot: [Harley points gun] Whoa! Relax. It's me.
Harley Quinn: [long pause] You ever been in love?
Deadshot: Nah. Never.
Harley Quinn: Bullshit.
Deadshot: You don't kill as many people as I've killed and still sleep like a kitten if you feel shit like love.
Harley Quinn: Another textbook sociopath.

[last lines]
Harley Quinn: Puddin'!
The Joker: Let's go home.

Deadshot: I don't like this, Flag.
Rick Flag: I don't like it either.
[Deadshot puts on his mask]
Harley Quinn: Pussy.
Deadshot: I will knock your ass out. I do not care that you're a girl.

Captain Boomerang: [to Diablo] And the kids?
Harley Quinn: He killed them. Didn't you?
Harley Quinn: Own that shit. Own it! What'd you think was gonna happen? Huh?
Deadshot: Hey, Harley. Come on.
Harley Quinn: What, you were just... Thinking you can have a happy family and coach little leagues, and make car payments? Normal's a setting on the dryer. People like us, we don't get normal!
Captain Boomerang: [yelling] Why is it always a knife fight every single time you open your mouth? You know, outside you're amazing. But inside, you're ugly.
Harley Quinn: We all are. We all are! Except for him.
[looks at Killer Croc]
Harley Quinn: He's ugly on the outside, too.
Captain Boomerang: Not me, shorty. I'm beautiful.
Harley Quinn: Yeah, you are.

The Joker: Question... Would you die for me?
Harley Quinn: Yes.
The Joker: That's too easy. Would you... Would you live for me? Hmm?
Harley Quinn: Yes.
The Joker: Careful. Do not say this oath thoughtlessly. Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes power.
The Joker: Do you want this?
Harley Quinn: I do.
The Joker: Say it.
The Joker: Say it. Say it. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty...
Harley Quinn: Please?
The Joker: [impressed] Aw! God, you're so... good.

Harley Quinn: I'm not much of a joiner, but... maybe we should.
Deadshot: Hey! She's trying to take over the world.
Harley Quinn: So? What's the world ever done for us, anyway? It hates us.
Deadshot: Hey, Harley!
Harley Quinn: [approaches Enchantress] Hey, lady? Um... I lost my Puddin'. But you can get him back, right?

Griggs: Prisoner, get down on your knees, Now! Down on your knees! Hands in the air! Turn around! Hands up high!
Harley Quinn: Hey, I'm cooperating. All right? This is me being cool.
Griggs: [to guards] Take her.
[Harley attacks the guards]
Griggs: Do not fire that goddamn weapon! Damn it!
[fires taser at Harley]

Harley Quinn: [to Deadshot] You're my friend, too.

Enchantress: I've been waiting for you all night. Step out of the shadows. I won't bite.
Harley Quinn: Hmm.
[Harley starts to walk to Enchantress]
Rick Flag: What the hell? Grab her!
[Deadshot grabs Harley]
Enchantress: Why are you all here? Because the soldier led you? And all for Waller. Why do you serve those who cage you? I am your ally. And I know what you want. Exactly what you want.

Harley Quinn: He married me!

Diablo: [to Enchantress] I can't change what I did.
Diablo: And neither can you!
Harley Quinn: He married me!
Diablo: It's not real.
Deadshot: I killed the Bat.
Diablo: Nah, homie. You don't want that.
Harley Quinn: What? I want that.
Diablo: She's trying to play games with you, man. It's not real!
Rick Flag: He's right. It's not real.

Amanda Waller: Any other requests?
Harley Quinn: Oh! An espresso machine.
Killer Croc: B-E-T!

Harley Quinn: Whee!
Griggs: Listen, you're being transferred. I don't know where you're going. It's from Mr. J.
[hands Harley a phone]
Griggs: You gonna tell him I took care of you?
Harley Quinn: You're so screwed!
Griggs: What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that?
[to SEAL pushing him away]
Griggs: Get off me! Get Off me! Harley, what do you mean by that? Harley!

Harley Quinn: [seeing Enchantress building her weapon] Hey, everyone can see all this trippy magic stuff, right?
Rick Flag: Yeah. Why?
Harley Quinn: I'm off my meds.

Harley Quinn: Why do you eat people?
Killer Croc: Gives me their power.
Harley Quinn: Would you like to eat me?
Killer Croc: Hell no.
Harley Quinn: Aw, why not?
Killer Croc: I don't want your crazy.
Harley Quinn: Says the guy who lives in a sewer.
Killer Croc: At least I know it's a sewer.
Harley Quinn: Oh, I get it. 'Cause, like, this is a sewer, too, only with nice shops and restaurants, right? You hate mankind much? Let me guess. Mommy didn't take you to Chuck E. Cheese on your sixth birthday. I can recommend a good therapist.
[Killer Croc growls and starts to swing at Harley]
Diablo: Why?
Harley Quinn: Because I'm bored! I need a victim, a mind to pry apart and spit in.
Diablo: Just leave it, mate. She's a rabbit hole. Don't fall in.

Harley Quinn: Japanese, female. Mid-20s, 5'5", good health, athletic. And... An only child. With deep-seated father issues. Daddy wanted a son, so she has to hide behind a mask.
Katana: [removes mask] I am not... hiding.
Harley Quinn: Now, that was gangster!

Deadshot: Harley. Why don't you stop acting like a drunken stripper?
Harley Quinn: You wanna tell me what the hell is going on, then? 'Cause...
Harley Quinn: I smell a rat.
Deadshot: If they don't blow our heads off, we'll have to fight our way out of this city. I need you to play nice with the other children.
Harley Quinn: And quietly return to my cage. Sure, okay. Hey, that's okay sellout. I get it. I get it. I know how the world works, okay? And when it comes to the heart, everyone for themselves, right?

Harley Quinn: Puddin'!
[kisses the Joker]
Harley Quinn: You got all dressed up for me?
The Joker: Oh, you know I'd do anything for you. By the way, I've got some grape soda on ice and a bear skin rug waiting.

Harley Quinn: I gotta work on my cardio.

Harley Quinn: [reaction to seeing Waller] No way.
Rick Flag: Let's go home.
Captain Boomerang: Yeah, let's go home. That sounds good. You guys wanna go home? Hmm? Or you wanna go back to prison?
Harley Quinn: I'm not going back to prison.
Captain Boomerang: What I'm saying is we kill the pair of 'em now before they kill us.
Amanda Waller: [holds Katana back] I got this. You all made it this far. Don't get high-spirited on me and ruin a good thing.
Killer Croc: I like her.

Harley Quinn: I lost my Puddin'. But you can get him back, right?
Enchantress: I can, my dear. Anything you want.
Harley Quinn: You promise?
Enchantress: Yes, child. You need only bow and serve beneath my feet.
Harley Quinn: I like what you're sellin', lady. There's just one teeny problem. You messed with my friends!

Rick Flag: Whoa, wait here. Please. I don't wanna give this dude a heart attack. Okay?
Harley Quinn: Aw, he's embarrassed of us.
Deadshot: Hey Flag. This dude better cure cancer after all of this shit.

Harley Quinn: What is that? What is that? Who are you?
Technician: Stand by. Arming device.
Harley Quinn: Who are you? I don't know who you are.
Technician: Device armed.
Harley Quinn: Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you. Hey, I'm talking to you!
Technician: Ready.
[Harley screams]
Technician: Injection successful.
Technician 2: Location verified.

Killer Croc: [to everyone] Y'all don't mind, I got me a sewer to crawl back into.
Deadshot: Yeah, and I got some business to handle back in Gotham.
Harley Quinn: I'm going to hotwire a car. Need a ride?
Deadshot: Your ass is not driving.

Harley Quinn: I'm known to be quite vexing...

"The New Batman Adventures: Mad Love (#2.11)" (1999)
Harley Quinn: That's a real gasser, right Mr. J?
The Joker: [grabbing Harley by the hat] I make the punchlines here! Got it?
Harley Quinn: Yes sir.

[Joker bursts from the door, to see Batman hanging above a tank filled with piranas]
The Joker: HARLEY!
Harley Quinn: Hi, Puddin'! You're just in time to see the...
[Joker slaps Harley across the room, then turns to Batman]
The Joker: Excuse me just a minute.
Harley Quinn: But Puddin', I-I don't understand! Didn't you want to finally get rid of Batman?
The Joker: Only if I do it, idiot!
Harley Quinn: But it's still your plan, see?
[shows him his blueprints]
Harley Quinn: Everything just like you said, except I hung the guy upside down so he sees the little frowns as little smiles. Now it all works!
[Joker grabs the blueprints and tears them up]
The Joker: Except you had to *explain* it to me! If you have to explain a joke, THERE IS NO JOKE!
[He advances on Harley, growling. Nervously, she grabs hold of a swordfish]
Harley Quinn: Now calm down, Puddin'...
The Joker: You've forgotten what I told you a long time ago. One of the painful truths of comedy...
[grabs the swordfish out of her hands]
[Joker whacks Harley with the swordfish, sending her crashing out the window and plunging down several stories to land in a pile of garbage, apparently dead]
The Joker: And don't call me Puddin'.

Dr. Harleen Quinzel: [last lines, as a heavily bandaged Harleen is taken into Arkham Assylum] Never again. No more obsession, no more craziness, no more Joker. I finally see that slime for what he is: a murderous, manipulative, irredeemable...
[she turns her head to see a rose on her bedside table with a note attatched saying "Feel better soon. - J."]
Harley Quinn: ...angel!

Harley Quinn: You know, for what it's worth, I actually enjoyed some of our romps, but there comes a time when a gal wants more. And now, all this gal wants is to settle down with her lovin' sweetheart.
Batman: You, and the Joker?
Harley Quinn: Right-a-rooney.
[Batman laughs]
Harley Quinn: I've never seen you laugh before! I don't think I like it!
[Batman laughs even harder]
Harley Quinn: Cut it out! You're giving me the creeps!
Batman: You little fool. The Joker doesn't love anything except himself. Wake up, Harleen. He had you pegged for hired help the minute you walked into Arkham.
Harley Quinn: That's not - no. NO! He told me things, secret things that he never told anyone!
Batman: Was it his line about the abusive father? Or the one about the runaway mom. He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one.
Harley Quinn: Stop it! You're making me confused!
Batman: What was it he told that one parole officer... Oh yeah, "There was only one time I ever saw Dad really happy. He took me to the Ice Show when I was seven."
Harley Quinn: [softly] Circus... He said it was the Circus.
Batman: He's got a million of them, Harley.
Harley Quinn: [wiping away her tears] YOU'RE WRONG! MY PUDDIN' DOES LOVE ME! HE DOES! You're the problem! And now you're gonna die and make everything right!

Harley Quinn: Oh, come on, Puddin'! Don't you wanna rev up your "Harley"? Vroom vroom!

Harley Quinn: Face it, Harl, this stinks! You're a certified nutso wanted in twelve states and hopelessly in love with a psychopathic clown. At wait point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! Coming between me and my Puddin' from the very beginning...

Harley Quinn: Why don't you just shoot him?
The Joker: Just shoot him? Know this, my sweet. The death of Batman must be nothing less than a masterpiece! The triumph of my sheer comic genius over his ridiculous mask and gadgets!

Dr. Harleen Quinzel: [Holding a note] Care to tell me how this got in my office?
The Joker: I put it there.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: I think the guards would be interested to know you've been out of your cell.
The Joker: If you really were going to tell, you already would have. You know, sweets, I like what I've heard about you, especially the name. Harley Quinzel. Rework it a bit, and you get Harley Quinn.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Like the clown character, Harlequin. I know. I've heard it before.
The Joker: It's a name that puts a smile on my face. It makes me feel there's someone here I can relate to. Someone who might like to hear my secrets.

Dr. Harleen Quinzel: [narrating] It took me nearly three months to set up a session. I studied all his tricks and gimmicks, and felt I was ready for anything.
The Joker: You know... my father used to beat me up pretty badly.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: [narrating] Anything except that.
The Joker: Every time I got out of line, BAM! Or sometimes I'd just be just sitting there, doing nothing. POW! Pops tended to favor the grape, you see.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Uh-huh.
The Joker: There was only one time I ever saw Dad really happy. He took me to the circus when I was seven. Oh, I still remember the clowns running around, dropping their pants.
The Joker: My old man laughed so hard, I thought he'd bust a gut! So the very next night, I ran up to meet him with his best Sunday pants around my ankles. "Hi, Dad! Look at me!"
[drops pants]
The Joker: ZOOP! I took a big pratfall, and tore the crotch clean out of his pants!
[Both start laughing hysterically]
The Joker: ...And then he broke my nose. But hey, that's the downside of comedy. You're always taking shots from folks who just don't get the joke. Like my dad... Or Batman.

Dr. Harleen Quinzel: [narrating] It soon became clear to me the Joker, so often described as a raving, homicidal madman... was actually a tortured soul crying out for love and acceptance. A lost, injured child trying to make the world laugh at his antics. And there, as always, was the self-righteous Batman. Determined to make life miserable for my angel. Yes, I admit it. As unprofessional as it sounds, I had fallen in love with my patient. Pretty crazy, huh?
The Joker: Not at all. As a dedicated career-oriented you woman, you felt the need to abstain from all amusement and fun. It's only natural you'd be attracted to a man who could make you laugh again.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: I knew you'd understand.
The Joker: Anytime.

The Batman Superman Movie: World's Finest (1997) (TV)
[Joker's plane crashes into the sea and explodes]
Harley Quinn: Puddin'!
Batman: At this point, he probably is.

[first lines]
Harley Quinn: Hang on there, Clyde!
Pawn Shop Broker: Sorry, miss, we're closed.
Harley Quinn: Just look at what I'm selling! You'll plotz!

Lex Luthor: The office, now.
Harley Quinn: Swell, Mr. L.
Lex Luthor: Mr. L?

[Harley's driving Lex Luthor's limo]
Harley Quinn: Whoa, momma, check out the cute hitchhiker!
The Joker: [hitchhiking and showing off his gams] Yoo-hoo!

Lois Lane: [to The Joker] You sick, demented, murdering freak!
Harley Quinn: [gasp] How rude!

Harley Quinn: [holding a gingerbread Batman cookie] Hello, Mr. J. I'm Batman! Eat me! Eat me! Eat me!

[Mercy is watching Harley Quinn, on TV, being tossed into a padded wagon in a straightjacket]
Harley Quinn: I want a lawyer! I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich!
Mercy Graves: Now that's funny! Ha, ha, ha!

Lex Luthor: [grabs Joker] You maniac! You idiot! How dare you use one of my laboratories for your...?
Joker: Harley?
[Harley somersaults out and strikes a ridiculous fighting stance]
Harley Quinn: Put him down, baldy!
Lex Luthor: Mercy?
[Mercy slams a flying kick into Harley]
Mercy Graves: Here's for that punch in the face!
Joker: [to Luthor] Can't we discuss this like gentlemen?
[Luthor reluctantly releases Joker, while sounds of fighting continue in the background]
Harley Quinn: Ooh, listen to Little Miss Can't-Take-A-Joke!
[as Joker guides Luthor to a chair, Mercy goes flying across the room]
Joker: Thank you. Have a seat, please.
[as they sit, Harley charges across the room]
Harley Quinn: BANZAI!

[as Luthor and Joker finish their discussion, Mercy and Harley are still pounding each other's heads on the floor]
Lex Luthor: Mercy, let's go!
[to Joker]
Lex Luthor: Keep in mind, this is your last chance.
[He walks out. Mercy limps after him, groaning. Harley limps over to Joker, also groaning]
Joker: How you doin', slugger?
Harley Quinn: A-okay, Mr. J!
[He pats her on the shoulder. She collapses]

Harley Quinn: [playing with a Batman-shaped cookie while trying to cheer up Joker] Hello, Mr. J. I'm Batman. Eat me! Eat me! Eat me!
Joker: [breaks the cookie] I know you're trying to cheer me up, Harley. But you see, anytime I blow a billion dollar deal, *it really kills my appetite*!

Batman and Harley Quinn (2017) (V)
Harley Quinn: Harley Quinn reporting for duty, sir.
Batman: God help us.

Nightwing: Where's your BFF Poison Ivy?
Harley Quinn: I can help you find her, but you can put in a good word for me for the parole board.
Batman: Hmm. No.

Poison Ivy: I thought you were my friend.
Harley Quinn: Friends don't let friends kill 7,000,000,000 people.

Harley Quinn: You give 'em 20 minutes of naughty fun time and they think they own ya!

Harley Quinn: Look at you, Boy Wonder all grown up...
[pause, then Harley leers]
Nightwing: Don't get any funny ideas...
Harley Quinn: Too late.
[heads to Nightwing in her underwear]

[last lines]
Harley Quinn: [on Floronic Man] He's just made of leaves, right? anybody got a match?
[Batman and Nightwing prepare to set the Floronic Man on fire, and both kiss Harley]
Harley Quinn: [blushes] Aw shucks!

Harley Quinn: You think I'm just some dizzy airhead that don't know nothin'. Do you know what I am?
Batman: My punishment for dropping out of med school.

Harley Quinn: [to Nightwing who she has strapped to her bed] Hey Nightwing is it true you used to be Robin? Huh ain't that a kick in the pants, little boy wonder all grown up?
[thinks for a moment then smiles slyly]
Nightwing: Okay now don't be getting any funny ideas?
Harley Quinn: Too late!
[turns off the lights]
Harley Quinn: It's funny I always kinda thought you and Batman didn't like girls.
Nightwing: Wait, what?
Harley Quinn: You know, that book with the headlights and eyeball gouging, I had to write a paper about it back in college, got a B minus
[climbs into bed with him while in her bra and panties]
Nightwing: Look Harley I have a...
Harley Quinn: [interrupting him] Pretty lonely these last few months, if you know what I mean? You don't meet a lot of likely prospects at Super Babes, I'm kinda choosy
Nightwing: I'm not saying I don't want to, 'cuz that could be nice, all sorts of wrong but nice, right now I just really need to find Poison...
[Harley cups her hand over his mouth]
Harley Quinn: Shhh, face it sugar I got something you want and you sure a shootin' have something I want, so be a good boy and maybe, maybe Mama will give you a cookie
Nightwing: The things I do for Gotham
Harley Quinn: I'm taking that as a yes
[kisses him]

Nightwing: [after Batman finds him in bed with Harley Quinn] I was, uh, I was just about to call you.
[Batman glances at the floor seeing a pile of Harley's clothes and underwear then sees that Nightwing had been strapped to the bed then gives him a dirty look]
Harley Quinn: [to Nightwing] Meet you at the car
[walks away happily humming to herself]
Batman: Did you get what you needed?
Nightwing: [smiles while rubbing his head nervously] Well yeah... Ivy's whereabouts of course that's what you meant, no not yet
[Batman leaves giving him a disappointed look]
Nightwing: Like you never made out with a super villain

Harley Quinn: My God, Pammy. You haven't even tested it yet, have you? Have you? Batman said that if you get just one teensy-weensy thing wrong, you could wind up killing everything on the planet. Everything, Pammy! Plants, people, animals... everything.
Poison Ivy: It doesn't matter. Earth will die, anyway, if I don't act.
[picks up a vial]
Poison Ivy: I'm sorry, Harley, but I have to roll these dice.
Harley Quinn: You're gonna make me do it, aren't you? Well, when this is all over, just remember... I gave you a chance.
Poison Ivy: [turns to Harley] What are you - no!
Harley Quinn: [pulls off her fool's cap and wipes off her face paint] That's right, sweetie. The nuclear option!
Poison Ivy: You promised me you'd never -
[Harley looks up at Ivy with sad puppy dog eyes]
Poison Ivy: Harley, I'm warning you!
[Tears begin to well in Harley's eyes]
Poison Ivy: Don't you dare!
[Tears stream down Harley's face. Soon, Ivy begins to cry, tossing aside the vial and hugging Harley]
Poison Ivy: I hate you so much!
Harley Quinn: [hugs Ivy] Works every time. Phew!

Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014) (V)
Harley Quinn: Anyone who throws boomerangs has some real issues letting go.

Harley Quinn: [about Black Spider] Ninjas are AWESOME!

Harley Quinn: [on the Joker] I'm fine. We're done. He's a jerk. Whatever.
Killer Frost: [sarcasm] Well, I'm convinced.

[Harley tries to break into the Joker's cell]
The Joker: [taps his cell walls] Sorry, hun. Bulletproof.
Harley Quinn: Even better, puddin'.
[She fires through an air hole of the cell. Joker ducks as the bullet ricochets wildly around the walls]

[Deadshot finds Harley in his bed]
Deadshot: What do you want?
Harley Quinn: I got an itch I thought you could help me scratch, cowboy...
[Angry, Deadshot throws her down on the bed and pins her arms above her head]
Harley Quinn: WHOO! Good start!
Deadshot: Oh, what the hell...
[He starts making out with Harley. She wraps her legs around him and they both tumble off the bed with a crash... ]
Harley Quinn: Yahtzee!

[repeated line]
Harley Quinn: Yahtzee!

[all the criminals Waller assembled see each other]
Harley Quinn: AW CRAP! Not this again!
Captain Boomerang: [to Deadshot] You too? It's like a bloody recurring nightmare.

[arriving in Arkham through a parachute]
Harley Quinn: Don't worry! I landed on my head!

Harley Quinn: [to Captain Boomerang] Go wave your boomer-Wang at the shark guy!
King Shark: [Aggressively] Do it and I'll bite it off!

Harley Quinn: [to Batman, about the Joker] Sure, he slaps me around a lot. But you're the one who's always hurting me!

"Batman: The Animated Series: Harley's Holiday (#3.6)" (1994)
Harley Quinn: I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over or blow me up!

Harley Quinn: I got one question. I've been nothing but trouble. How come you've been so nice to me?
Batman: I know what it's like to try to rebuild a life.
[He holds up a bag, and gives her the dress she wanted to buy, before getting in so much trouble]
Batman: I had a bad day too, once.
[Ecstatically, she takes the dress, then stands on tiptoe to kiss his cheek]
Harley Quinn: Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days.

Dr. Joan Leland: You've made wonderful progress, Harley. You've passed your competency hearing, and tomorrow, you will be released, mentally sane and sound.
Harley Quinn: [Begins jumping up and down] Weee! Wahoo! Whoopee! Yay! Yay! Yay!
[Regains composure]
Harley Quinn: Uh... I mean thank you, Dr. Leland.
Dr. Joan Leland: That's ok. You have every reason to be proud of yourself.
The Scarecrow: [shouting off screen] Unhand me!
Dr. Joan Leland: I just wish the other inmates could make your sort of progress.
[Batman and Robin are seen bringing in the Scarecrow]
The Scarecrow: I am the master of fear! The lord of despair! Cower before me in witless deter!
Harley Quinn: Hi, Professor Crane.
The Scarecrow: [Completely calm] Good evening, child.
[to Batman and Robin]
The Scarecrow: Worship me, fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible god of fear!
[the orderlies come to take him away]
Robin: I think he's getting better.

Boxcars 'Boxy' Bennett: Any last words?
Harley Quinn: Just one: BABIES!
[Harley's hyenas crash through the wall and maul Boxy]
Harley Quinn: Play nice with your new chew toy.

General Vreeland: You in the car! Release your hostage immediately!
Veronica Vreeland: Daddy!
Harley Quinn: Daddy? Oy!
[Harley turns about and speeds away from General Vreeland]
Veronica Vreeland: Wait! What are you doing? That's my father!
Harley Quinn: No, that's your father... IN A TANK!

Harley Quinn: Back off, rich boy! I'm armed!
[whacks Bruce with the arm of a mannequin]

Harley Quinn: Talk about grasping at straws! Oh well, at least I'm going out on a joke.

Harley Quinn: [weakly] I think I made a mess on your cape.

[Boxy Bennett grabs Veronica and holds her, pointing a gun]
Boxcars 'Boxy' Bennett: Back off, freak, or the dame's history!
[Harley knocks him out from behind with a fish]
Harley Quinn: Get your own hostage!

"Batman: The Animated Series: Harlequinade (#2.10)" (1994)
Harley Quinn: You thought I was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo! Well, the joke's on you, 'cause I'm not even a real blonde.

[fleeing the city]
Harley Quinn: But what about all our friends? Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat Guy and Lizard Man and Puppet Head and...
The Joker: What about them?
Batman: Don't forget your little pets!
Harley Quinn: [gasp] The babies! We can't leave the babies!
The Joker: I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go!

[Batman has released Harley Quinn from Arkham to help him find the Joker. While they are riding along in the Batmobile:]
Harley Quinn: [reaches for the dashboard] I want to listen to the radio!
Batman: Don't!
[She pushes a button, and a drag chute deploys from the Batmobile's rear, causing the car to swerve wildly, until Batman brakes to a stop]
Harley Quinn: Oops.
Batman: Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or *do* anything unless I tell you! GOT IT?
Harley Quinn: [small voice] Yes, sir.

[after Harley ties up Batman and Robin with a cable gun stolen from the Batmobile]
Harley Quinn: Gee, it's amazing the things you find in people's glove compartments.

Harley Quinn: Oh, the irony of it! The stalwart Dark Knight and his greatest female adversary, working together to save the city!
[She takes Batman's hand and raises it into the air with hers - cut to her hands, handcuffed in her lap, as she rides shotgun in the Batmobile]
Harley Quinn: I sense a lack of trust.

Harley Quinn: Did you see the way I handled those creeps? Pow! Bam! Batgirl, eat your heart out!
Robin: What was she before she went bonkers?
Batman: A clinical psychiatrist.
Robin: Figures.

"Batman: The Animated Series: Harley and Ivy (#1.47)" (1993)
Harley Quinn: Hey aren't you that plant lady... Poison Oaky?
Poison Ivy: IVY! Poison Ivy!

Harley Quinn: I remember I used to go driving like this with Mr. J...
Poison Ivy: [mockingly] "Mr. J., Mr. J.!" Oh, change the record, Harl!

[a trio of Frat boys pull up alongside Harley and Ivy, and make some lewd comments]
Poison Ivy: Now boys, didn't your mommies teach you that's not the way to get a lady's attention?
Frat Boy: [slaps his butt] And what are you gonna do, spank me?
Harley Quinn: That's right, pigs!
[raises a bazooka]
Harley Quinn: And here's the paddle!
[yelling, the boys leap out of their car and run just before Harley blows it to pieces]

[as Harley prepares to steal the "Harlequin Diamond"]
Harley Quinn: Ooh-ooh, Mr. J is gonna plotz when he sees this...! No. No, I'm keeping this one just for myself... maybe.

[last lines; everyone is back in Arkham]
The Joker: That's it. The next time I start a gang, no women. YOU HEAR ME? NO WOMEN!
[outside, Harley and Ivy are tending the vegetable patch]
Harley Quinn: I think we can still work it out, don't you?
[Ivy flings a handful of soil in her face]

[Batman is lashed to a wooden table]
Poison Ivy: Admit it, darling, you didn't think two women were capable of bringing you down.
Batman: Man or woman, a sick mind is capable of anything.
Poison Ivy: A very enlightened statement, Batman. We'll carve it on your headstone.
Harley Quinn: [pushes him into the toxic water] Aloha, sucker!

"Batman: The Animated Series: The Man Who Killed Batman (#1.49)" (1993)
Harley Quinn: Gee, boss, you really know how to put the fun in funeral.

[Harvey Bullock looks suspiciously at a lawyer]
Detective Harvey Bullock: Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?
Harley Quinn: I believe I served you with a subpoena once... It was a small subpoena.

The Joker: You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sidney. No body. No Batus delecti, if you will. We need to pull a job tonight to be sure.
Murphy: Be sure of what, boss?
The Joker: [doing a double-take at Murphy] Why that old Batsy's bought the cave, of course. And one more thing, Murphy... don't ask stupid questions.
[Joker pushes Murphy into the midst of Harley Quinn's two hyenas, who claw off his shirt and lick him silly]
Harley Quinn: I'll get the mop.

Harley Quinn: [covered in jewels] Whheee! Look at all the pretties!
The Joker: Put them back, Harley.
Harley Quinn: Awww, you're such a kidder, Mr J. You never could...
The Joker: [grabbing Harley in a chokehold] I said put them back!
[tosses her across the room]
Harley Quinn: [shocked] S-s-sure, boss. I can do that. This is me putting them back. No problemo...

[Sid's lawyer uses a powder puff on her face intensively]
Sidney Debris: [coughing] Lady, ease off on the make-up!
Harley Quinn: My boss likes me to wear a smile to work...

Batman: Vengeance (2001) (VG)
[Harley Quinn drops a mallet on Batman's head, Joker catches it in mid-fall]
The Joker: Careful, Harley. You'll kill him.
Harley Quinn: But...
The Joker: But nothing. You're my hench-wench. Less wench, more hench, you molly-coddling little twit. Nobody kills the bat but me. Like so...
[Batman and Joker begin fighting]

Harley Quinn: Murderer.
Batman: Harley...
Harley Quinn: No. Leave me alone. I'm through.
[she backs away from the Batman]
Harley Quinn: No more love. No more crime. No more nothing. I'm through...

Harley Quinn: [singing] Take a break and play a while, doo da, doo da. Guaranteed I'll make you smile, oh the doo da day.

The Joker: [halfway through the Batman vs. Joker fight] Uh, Harley, a little help here, slugger?
Harley Quinn: [to herself] Ooooo, now he needs my help, 'less wench' he says, 'more hench' he says.
Harley Quinn: You're on your own, puddin'!
The Joker: That Harley; won't kill for you, can't kill without you!
[goes back to fighting]

The Joker: So, after that, we're home free. Our friend in tights takes the bait, and after we lure him in, we string him up and drop him in the drink! Ha-ha-ha...! Any questions?
Thug: Yeah, well boss... me and some of the other guys were thinking, since we're fighting the Bat and all that, maybe we're not getting paid as much as we should. I mean, when I was working for the Penguin, we was getting benefits and a 401-k...
[Harley charges out of the shadows and hits him over the head with a mallet]
Harley Quinn: Well, now you're working for Mr. J, you chowderhead. You'll do what he says, and take what he gives, and hope it is not - A BULLET!
The Joker: Baby, you're the best!

Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009) (VG)
Quincy Sharp: Let me go, you crazy bitch.
Harley Quinn: Ooh, Sharpy used a bad word. Mama spank.
Quincy Sharp: Aah! AAAAAH! Aaah!

The Joker: [during a patient interview] He's crazy, you know.
Harley Quinn: Who, Batman?
The Joker: No, Santa Claus. Of course Batman! Always Batman!

Harley Quinn: Ooh, that's gotta hoit!

Harley Quinn: This old man looks like he's gonna pee himself. Someone bring me a bucket.

"The New Batman Adventures: Girl's Night Out (#2.7)" (1998)
Livewire: [after Harley splashes water on Livewire] Are you out of your mind?
Harley Quinn: [Thinks for a minute] Yeah.

Livewire: Pick up the cash and load it into the car! I'm going shopping!
[snatches a dollar bill out of Poison Ivy's hand and walks off]
Harley Quinn: When did we become the gang?

Harley Quinn: Ain't this place great, Sparky? Look at the iceberg! They've got real seals in there!
[imitates seal barking]
Livewire: Yeah, and lots of water.
Harley Quinn: [pouring a drink] Aw, c'mon! Wet your whistle!
Livewire: [slapping the bottle out of Harley's hand] I don't do liquids!
Harley Quinn: Hey! I said I was sorry!
Livewire: Dry up!
[throws drink in Harley's face]
Poison Ivy: You know, Livewire, you could show a little appreciation. Without us, you'd be a dead battery.
Livewire: [rises from her seat] I'll show you how dead I am!
Poison Ivy: [rises from her seat] Ooh, that sounds like a challenge.
Harley Quinn: [ducks for cover] Oy!
The Penguin: Ladies, Ladies, please. I run a respectable club here.
Livewire: No one's talking to you, lard butt!
The Penguin: That's it. Out you three pixies go.
Livewire: This could be fun, after all.
[Patrons run screaming out of the Iceberg Lounge as electricity shoots out and vines grow out the door]

Dr. Pamela Isley: Your hyenas have been watering my plans again. One more time and they're mulch.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Come on, Red. Give them a break. We're all bored cooped up in here.

The Adventures of the Fatbat Episode III, Queen of the City: Part I, the Fall of Gotham (2018)
The Joker: Congrats Harley, I had my doubts, But the Fatbat is still alive.
Harley Quinn: For now, let's go home. I want to try Texmex cooking.
The Joker: We'll never fully be in charge as We can never win as long as he is alive but I gotta hand it to you, you really have become Queen of the City.
Harley Quinn: Hail to the Queen!

Harley Quinn: I got this. My mother's name was Martha.
Mr. Super: For real? Okay, have a nice day.

The Fatbat: You sick Bastards! I gave you too much credit, You're not Gods, you're not even human!
Harley Quinn: Fatbat! You're finished! Clowns attack!
The Fatbat: Is There no one else! None of you sick fucks, that can challenge me! Today You taste fear! Followed by Pain, a lot of Pain! Do yourself a favor stay down, you sick bastard.
The Joker: Hey fatass, I want to make you a deal.
The Fatbat: There are no pacts between, Lions and Clowns.
The Joker: Fine, now die.
The Fatbat: Bring it!

Harley Quinn: My brothers and sisters of mirth! I would rather fight beside you than any army of thousands! Let no one forget how menacing we are, we are Gods! Do you know what's waiting for us here? Immortality! Take it! It's yours! Today we finish what we started so many months ago the destruction of the Justice Bullies.

"Batman: The Animated Series: Joker's Favor (#1.7)" (1992)
The Joker: Guess I'll have to find a new hobby now that old Charlie Collins is... Pfft!
Harley Quinn: Macrame's nice.
The Joker: That came from outside! Rocco, Henshaw! I smell a bat!

Harley Quinn: Here's to Gotham's Commissioner G. You lock up the weirdos, the crooks, and the geeks. You're a hero to all the boys in blue. But this time, baby, the joke's on you!

Harley Quinn: [trying to reach for a dagger] I know. You're thinking "What a shame, a pure innocent little thing like her, led astray by bad companions.
[tries to stab Batman but he catches her]
Batman: Right. Tell me another.
[handcuffs Harley and walks off]
Harley Quinn: Oy. Beauty school is starting to look pretty good about now.

Detective Bullock: Hey, sugar, you wanna read me my rights?
Harley Quinn: [twirls her nightstick] You have the right to remain silent.
[whacks Bullock in the shin]
Detective Bullock: *Ow!*
Harley Quinn: Jerk.

Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000) (V)
Batgirl: How could you help Joker do it, Harley?
Harley Quinn: Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little. But I'll make it right.
Batgirl: Yeah, you're Mother of the Stinkin' Year!

Harley Quinn: Sweetie, go get mommy's bazooka.

Harley Quinn: You rotten little scamps! I struggle to make a good home for you and this is the thanks I get!
[whacks both Dee Dee's with her cane]
Harley Quinn: Break a grandmother's heart! I hope they throw the book at you!
Dee Dee: Oh, shut up, Nana Harley.

Injustice: Gods Among Us (2013) (VG)
Harley Quinn: [after fighting him] It's you. The way you move... The way you...
The Joker: Pummel?
Harley Quinn: Well... Yeah.
The Joker: It's the love. You could feel the love, right?

The Joker: [after defeating Batman] Now, where was I before I was so rudely...
Harley Quinn: [Coming in] Pumped full o' lead?
The Joker: [Turns around and sees an alternate Harley Quinn] Harley?
Harley Quinn: Har*leen*. A little bird told me some creep was dressed up as The Joker, fighting a Batman wannabe. You got the look, and a lot of nerve. What you don't have is the right.
[Nudges The Joker]
Harley Quinn: The Joker was a hero, you're not fit to lick his boutonniere.
The Joker: Harley, it's me. I'm The Joker. Look. it says so right here on my underwear.
[Looks at his pants and Harleen fires a shot next to The Joker]
Harley Quinn: Not funny, creep. No one pretends to be my Mr. J.

The Joker: [setting the nuke] Let's see, baldy said remember to... Ah! There we are.
Harley Quinn: Mr. J, it works! Oh!
[she sees Batman coming]
Harley Quinn: Uh-oh.
The Joker: Harley, wait in the van. Batman and I have to talk.
Harley Quinn: But...
[he slaps her]
The Joker: Go. No one likes a third wheel.

"Batgirl: Spoiled: Little Lost (Bat)Girl (#1.2)" (2013)
Catwoman: You're brave, kid, but you need to learn to choose your battles.
Batgirl: I don't know if I would you use the word "choose".
Harley Quinn: Then you shoulda run.
Batgirl: Not my style.
Catwoman: Is being dead your style?
Batgirl: I don't know. I've already died once - it didn't stop me.

Catwoman: Harley! Ivy says it's time to go.
Harley Quinn: She gonna be okay to leave alone?
Catwoman: *He's* coming. We have to go.

Harley Quinn: Listen, Minibat, if you ever need a friend, we're not enemies.
Catwoman: Don't be a stranger.

Batman: Arkham City (2011) (VG)
[from trailer]
Harley Quinn: It'd be a shame to get blood all over my nice new outfit.
[Strikes Batman with a baseball bat]

(none): [Easter egg, over credits]
Harley Quinn: Shhhhh, there there...
Harley Quinn: [singing] Hush, little baby, don't say a word / Momma's gonna kill for you the whole damn world.

Harley Quinn: Coming through, B-Man.
[Approaches Batman who shoves Harley to the ground]
Joker Thug: Let the lady go, Bat-freak. Or all these people get a bullet in their heads.
Harley Quinn: [Getting up] I think you should do what he says. It'll be a shame to get blood all over my nice new outfit. What do you think, Bat-brain, like it? What am I kidding, of course you do, who wouldn't? So anyway, here's the deal, Mr. J is really not up for a visit right now, he's not feeling himself. Well he was earlier, but that's not what I meant. He's not doing so good and that idiot doctor I sent from here didn't help. I've seen more smarts from *these* bozos. I've gotta run, boys. If he tries anything funny, kill him!

Injustice 2 (2017) (VG)
Harley Quinn: [from trailer] It's snack time, boys!

Harley Quinn: [From trailer] Ready for some slapstick?
Deadshot: New Harley, same crazy.

Harley Quinn: [Arcade ending] I still can't believe it. Me. Bringing down Brainiac. Who knew? Still Bats surprised me, offerin' me a spot in the Justice League. Not totally sure he ain't crazy, but who says no to that guy? Y'know being good feels good. But every now and again, every once in a while. I get this irresistible urge to go out and bash some heads! Hopefully, being good'll stick long term. Til' I'm sure, my kid Lucy's still gonna know me as her crazy aunt Harleen. Maybe someday I can give her the real scoop.

"Batman: The Animated Series: Almost Got 'im (#1.35)" (1992)
Harley Quinn: It's Late Night Gotham Live, and here's the man who puts a smile on your face whether you want it or not, The Joker!
The Joker: Good evening folks, I'm The Joker: living proof that you don't have to be crazy to host this show, but it helps! Ha ha!

[Harley switches on the machine, sending Catwoman on a conveyor belt toward a meat grinder, then runs for the door. Batman swoops down and grabs her]
Harley Quinn: Gee, Batman, what are you gonna do? Kick me around or save your kitty? You've only got time for one.
[Without letting go of her, Batman turns to the wall, opens the electric panel, and throws the master switch. The machine stops]
Harley Quinn: [weakly] Heh heh... good call. Help!

Harley Quinn: [to a tied-up Catwoman] I had a kitty once. You know, they don't always land on their feet.

"Gotham Girls: The Vault (#1.1)" (2000)
Harley Quinn: [Thinking to herself about Ivy] Rhymes with rich.

Poison Ivy: You want to sing now, Harley girl. You can go right ahead and sing.
[Opens vault, which contains diamonds]
Harley Quinn: Uh, Red?
[the officers point their guns toward Harley and Ivy]
Poison Ivy: Harley, you were supposed to be watching. Didn't you see them come in?
Harley Quinn: Sure, I did, Red.
Poison Ivy: So, why didn't you say something?

Poison Ivy: A fortune in diamonds in this vault, and it's about to be ours.
Harley Quinn: [singing] We've got lots of cash-ching! We've got so much cash-ching! We're just barfing cash-bleh!
Poison Ivy: [In anger] HARLEY!
Harley Quinn: You say something, Red?
Poison Ivy: Girl, I can't hear the tumblers if you're singing!
Harley Quinn: Sorry, it won't happen again.
Poison Ivy: Better not.

"Birds of Prey: Devil's Eyes (#1.13)" (2003)
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Why won't you tell me how you broke my hypnosic spell?
Helena Kyle: Let me think. Could it be because you're psycho?
[Harleen slaps Helena]
Helena Kyle: [sarcastic] Wait. That's right. An evil psycho.
[Harleen puches Helena]
Helena Kyle: [defiant] Wait. Wait, I almost forgot. An evil psycho bitch!

[first lines]
Helena Kyle: I don't know. I feel... I fell like I've been born again. Only without the diapers and crying.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: It is a major transition, Helena. You know, cultures throughout history have used the birthing method to characterize the way you feel.
Helena Kyle: Yep. Well, I've got the feeling the naked part pretty well down.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: You have exposed yourself. You've revealed your secret identity, albeit inadvertently, to me. Now, you've crossed over the threshold that was holding you back. And you are no longer defined by your secret. You're defined by you. Hmm? Not the bartender, not the crime fighter. Just you.
Helena Kyle: Me.
Helena Kyle: Me. Someone I've been wanting to meet.

Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes (2012) (VG)
Poison Ivy: Hey! What's going on?
Harley Quinn: It's a riddle!
Riddler: Hey! That's my thing.

Harley Quinn: You wanna play? Okay, let's play!

"Batman: The Animated Series: The Laughing Fish (#1.46)" (1993)
The Joker: If this lunch meat figured out where we are, Batman won't be far behind. And why spoil my sharky's appetite, when I can feed him bigger fish?
Harley Quinn: Eyugh! Again with the fish, I *hate* fish!
[off Joker's glare]
Harley Quinn: Uh, no offense, Mr. J.
The Joker: Poor Harley. This entire caper's been really rough on you, hasn't it?
Harley Quinn: Uh-huh.
The Joker: Cheer up! You can be my very own little mermaid.
[Harley squeals with joy, then Joker pulls a giant rubber fish head over her, and laughs]
Harley Quinn: You're really sick, you know that, boss?
The Joker: Mmm-hmmm.

[on TV Harley stands in the kitchen wearing a "kiss the cook" apron. The Joker's men are made up as young children]
Harley Quinn: They're finny and funny and oh so delish. They're joyful and jolly. Jokerfish!
The Joker: Say, Mom, wondering what to feed the family tonight?
Harley Quinn: What'll I feed the family tonight?
[the Joker enters wearing a raincoat and hat. He looks like an old sea captain]
The Joker: Arr! Try me famous Joker fish. There's Smiling Smelt, Giggling Grouper and Happy Haddock.
Alfred Pennyworth: [Watching with Batman] This could cause a stampede to pork.
The Joker: [He holds up a fork with a morsel of fish to Harley's mouth] Yummy yum yum. Eat it!
Harley Quinn: Uh, Mr. J? I have this little problem with fish.
[he shoves the food into her mouth]
Harley Quinn: [With her mouth full] Yummy yum yum.
[Harley steps offscreen. The Joker turns to face the camera]
The Joker: Yes, friends, that's Jokerfish.
[Harley is heard puking up the fish]
The Joker: Tasty, tempting, and of course...
Joker's Men: Naturally low in cholesterol.
The Joker: Coming to your local store.
[He begins to grow angry]
The Joker: As soon as that nasty Mr. G. Carl Francis decides to give me my legal cut of the profits!

"The New Batman Adventures: Beware the Creeper (#2.10)" (1998)
[Harley slowly rises out of an oversized cream pie]
Harley Quinn: [singing] Happy anniversary, Mr. J / You're really swell and okay / It's seven years to the day-hey / Take the night off, let's play...
[the Joker watches, gobsmacked]
The Joker: Harley...
Harley Quinn: Wanna try some of my pie?
The Joker: Harley.
Harley Quinn: I'm sure you'll want seconds.

Harley Quinn: Think Bats saw you, puddy tat?
The Joker: Oh, he did! He did! He'd never miss a show about me! He's my biggest fan!

"Justice League: Wild Cards: Part II (#2.22)" (2003)
Batman: Harley, where's Joker?
Harley Quinn: After all these years, you still think I'd give up Mr. J?
Batman: Why not? He gave you up.
Harley Quinn: That was a long time ago. He's changed. We've been to couples counseling.
Batman: I'm talking about right now. Or haven't you been watching the show?

The Joker: It's only a matter of time now, a few more minutes and millions of people are going to go...
[flips his lips]
The Joker: "b-b-b-b-b-b-b." and it's all because of you
[Leans close to Ace]
The Joker: . The best sidekick a homicidal maniac ever had.
Harley Quinn: [offscreen] What about me?
The Joker: Harley!
Harley Quinn: [Camera pans to reveal Harley Quinn standing in the nearby doorway, who then advances on The Joker] Yeah, Harley, you worthless two timing piece...
The Joker: Wait! Wait. We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding.
Harley Quinn: And what is it that I'm not understanding?
The Joker: That we're two of a kind, that you'll always come back to me.
Harley Quinn: Yeah, I guess I do, don't I? But...
The Joker: Like the swallows in Capistrano, and there's one other thing you're not getting.
Harley Quinn: What?
The Joker: That you led Batman right to my doorstep!
[Backhands her]
Harley Quinn: Uh!
[She staggers backwards through a blackboard and to the floor, out cold]
The Joker: Tough love. Very effective, don't you think so, Batman? Yoo-hoo! Batman! I know you're here s-
[Batman punches him in the face from offscreen, knocking him onto his back]
The Joker: Oh!
[Gets up as Batman approaches]
The Joker: Oh, there you are. Acey, why don't you give him a piece of your mind?
[Ace looks to Batman and starts to use her perception altering powers on him]

"Batman: The Animated Series: Trial (#2.9)" (1994)
Harley Quinn: I just wanna say, if there was no Batman, there'd be no Joker, and I'd have never met my Puddin'. Thank you, Batman.
[Batman glares at her]
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: Sad, isn't it. Harleen Quinzel was a doctor here at Arkham until the Joker twisted her mind.
Harley Quinn: Ha! You're just jealous because you don't have a fella who's as lovin' and loyal to you as my Puddin' is to me!
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: Ah-ha. And I suppose it was that same "loyalty" I saw the last time you escaped and "Puddin'" here...
[points to the Joker]
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: ...finked on you in hopes of getting time off!
Harley Quinn: Is that true, Puddin'?
The Joker: [sheepishly] "Finked" is such an ugly word...
Harley Quinn: [grabs the Joker and starts shaking him] You lousy, scum sucking creep!
The Joker: The witness is excused!

Scarface: Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the self-righteous vigilante called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury!
The Mad Hatter: Hang him!
Harley Quinn: Shoot him!
Killer Croc: Hit him with a rock!
Scarface: And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker!
The Joker: [bangs gavel] Guilty!
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: I was promised a chance to defend my client!
The Joker: Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference.

"Super Power Beat Down: Joker & Harley Quinn vs Deadpool & Domino (#1.16)" (2015)
[Harley gets the drop on Domino]
Harley Quinn: Well, well, well. Looks like someone's luck ran out.
Domino: I make my own luck
[Domino pulls the trigger on her machine pistol, but the gun jams]

Deadpool: Hey, cutie! Time to die!
Harley Quinn: Wait! Want to see a movie?
[Harley opens her blouse, revealing her ample cleavage]

"The New Batman Adventures: Holiday Knights (#1.1)" (1997)
[Bruce Wayne backs up and falls down an open elevator shaft]
Harley Quinn: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! We-we killed him!... Oh well.
Poison Ivy: We were going to do it anyway.
Harley Quinn: We got his credit cards; what's to worry?

[first lines]
Harley Quinn: I'm depressed, Red. Here it is holiday time and we're hiding out in this dingy rat trap. No presents, no fun, no nothin'. Can't we at least get a Christmas tree?
Poison Ivy: What? And support the mad campaign of botanical genocide that grips this country every December?
Harley Quinn: But Christmas trees are so bright and fun and pretty. Oh, please? Please? Please? Please?

[email protected]: It's a Wonderful Life, Batman! (2016)
The Joker: For our next crime, we will trap all of Gotham in the sugary sweetness of gum drops!
Harley Quinn: Then we will buy a shoe company, forcing all of Gotham to buy new gumdrop resistant shoes from us!
The Joker: Allowing us to use the money we've earned on a Joker-Joke mobile and all the pancakes we could ever eat! It will be the most monopolizing, gooey, chewy, ooey, stewie, banjo-kazooie shoey delicious crime of the century!

Joker Rising (2013)
Harley: Sometimes, to get where you want to go, you gotta be somebody else for a while. You just can't forget who you really are.
Cyrus: What if I do forget?
Harley: Then you'd be crazy.

"Batman: The Animated Series: Lock-Up (#3.9)" (1994)
[the Arkham inmates are too scared to testify against Lyle Bolton]
Bruce Wayne: Well then, based on todays testimony, I propose extending Mr. Bolton's contract for an additional 18 months.
Arnold Wesker: No! You can't! You don't know what he's doing to us!
Scarface: Shut up! Don't listen to jerkface here! He don't know what he's saying!
Harley Quinn: [pounds Scarface's head in] No! It's all true! If we don't speak up now, we'll *never* get another chance! He threatens us! Takes away our privileges! Even when we're good!
Lyle Bolton: We've heard enough of this nonsense.
The Scarecrow: He says scum like us must be kept in line. That's why he chains us down at night, and electrifies our doors!
Scarface: He held me over a can filled with termites, ya hear me? TERMITES!
Harley Quinn: He's an animal!
Arnold Wesker: A monster!
The Scarecrow: Keep him away!
Lyle Bolton: Shut up! All of you!

"Birds of Prey: Premiere (#1.1)" (2002)
Harleen: Just goes to show you, never send a business man to do a psychopath's job.

"Birds of Prey: Feat of Clay (#1.12)" (2003)
[first lines]
Helena Kyle: I feel good, great actually. Better than I have in a long time.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: To what do we attribute this sudden cheerful outlook?
Helena Kyle: I don't know. Things have just been... working out. That guy I was telling you about, the police officer? I decided to talk to him. Trust him. Tell him things about who I really am.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Like, what kinds of things?
Helena Kyle: It's hard to explain.

"Birds of Prey: Three Birds and a Baby (#1.4)" (2002)
Harley Quinn: [to Her Chief Henchman] Now, take your men and go find my baby. It shouldn't be too difficult. Just follow the mayhem.

Batman: Anarchy (2016)
Harley Quinn: We are all villains.

"Batgirl: Spoiled: Blindside (#1.1)" (2012)
[last lines]
Harley Quinn: [chuckling] Well, you should be more careful, Baby Bat.

"The New Batman Adventures: Joker's Millions (#1.7)" (1998)
Poison Ivy: You're pathetic, you know that?
Harley Quinn: Come on, Red. So Mr. J. was a little stressed about money. Now that he's loaded, Puddin'll buy my way out, too.
Poison Ivy: Oh yeah, right, sure thing, Harl.
[shows Harley the newspaper frontpage]
Harley Quinn: [reading headline] "Joker seeks new henchgirl"?
[exterior shot of Arkham]
Harley Quinn: I'LL KILL HIM!

"The Joker Blogs: An Apple a Day (#1.6)" (2009)
Jonathan Crane: [Crane is having lunch at the same table as Quinzel is having therapy with the Joker] Speaking about picking favorites, how are you dr. Quinzel? Are you enjoying the view from my former office?
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Actually I don't know, I am rarely in it. I am to busy doing the job you neglected to do.
Jonathan Crane: Doesn't look like you are doing a job now. It looks more like a date to me.

"Superman: World's Finest: Part III (#2.18)" (1997)
Harley Quinn: [after the Joker has supposedly died in an explosion] PUDDIN''!
Batman: As this point, he probably is.

"Birds of Prey: Slick (#1.2)" (2002)
[last lines]
Helena Kyle: I met a guy.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Why don't you tell me about him.

DC Universe Online (2011) (VG)
Harley Quinn: If I'd had a hammer, I'd hammer in the evening, I'd hammer in the morning, all over your skull!