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Quotes for
Two-Face (Character)
from "Batman: The Animated Series" (1992)

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Batman Forever (1995)
[Two-Face decides a victim's fate with a coin toss]
Two-Face: Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!

Two-Face: One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!

[Two-Face cries on seeing a newspaper report of Batman's latest escape]
The Riddler: That's what I said. Then I taught my doggie a new trick: how to map the human mind. Would you like to see what our old friend Bruce Wayne has in his head?
[he plugs in the disk with Bruce Wayne's memory; on the screen they see the image of the giant bat. Two-Face starts laughing]
The Riddler: Riddle me this, what sort of a man has bats on the brain? Go ahead, you can say it.
Two-Face: You're a genius!
The Riddler: Oh, stop!

The Riddler: You're ruining my big party! Are you insane?
Two-Face: Just waiting for you to deliver the Batman, dear boy.
The Riddler: Patience, O Bifurcated One!
Two-Face: Patience is hell! We want him dead!
The Riddler: Well, you could have let me in on the caper. We could have organized this, planned it... pre-sold the movie rights.
Two-Face: Ha!
[Batman enters through the skylight, and begins to fight Two-Face's thugs]
The Riddler: Your entrance was good. His was better.
[Batman continues to fight thugs]
The Riddler: The difference: showmanship!

Two-Face: Why can't you just die?

The Riddler: Hey Two-Face, show me how to punch a guy!
Two-Face: Oh, it's dead simple, my boy.
Two-Face: [demonstrates] Ball up the fist, reach way back, and assert yourself.
[knocks guard out with one punch]
The Riddler: Ohhhh, that looks like fun! Let me try! Let me try! Ball up the fist, reach way back, and assert your...
[hits guard with no effect and holds his hand in agony]
The Riddler: OW!

Two-Face: You have broken into our hideout. You have violated the sanctity of our lair. For this we should crush your bones into POWDER. However, you do pose a very interesting proposition: therefore, heads, we accept, and tails, we blow your damned head off!

The Riddler: [turns on the other Boxes for Sugar and Spice, then shows him his Box wand] This is how I found you. Let me demonstrate.
[puts the wand on Two-Face's head]
The Riddler: This is your brain on the Box.
[takes the wand off of Two-Face's head]
The Riddler: This is my brain on the Box.
[puts the wand on his own head]
The Riddler: Does anybody else feel like a fried egg?
Two-Face: We'll have a bit more, thank you.
The Riddler: Oh, there's more. But only the first one's free. Here's the bargain: you will help me steal production capital, so I can put a Box on every TV in town. So I can become Gotham's cleverest carbon-based life-form! And in return... is everybody paying attention? I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all... the mother of all riddles: "Who is Batman?"

The Riddler: [while raiding a jewelry store and looking at a diamond through a hand-held microscope] Here's a good one.
Two-Face: No, no, no.
[shows the Riddler a bigger diamond]
Two-Face: Now, there is a good one.

Two-Face: You're counting on the winged avenger to deliver you from evil, aren't you, my friend?
Bank Guard: Are you gonna kill me?
Two-Face: Maybe, maybe not. You could say we're of two minds on the subject.

Two-Face: Don't worry, people, no need for alarm, it's just a good-old fashioned, low-tech stick up! We're interested in the basics: cash, jewelry, cellular telephones. Just hand them over nicely, and no one will be hurt.

Two-Face: [jams a gun into the annoying Riddler's cheek] Let's see if you bleed green.

[Two-Face and the Riddler enter Wayne Manor]
The Riddler: Seize-and-capture...
Two-Face: [sighs, to his thugs] No killing.
[Riddler leans in]
The Riddler: That goes double for you.

[the elevator beeps]
Two-Face: Very punctual, even to his own funeral! Boys, kill the Bat!

Two-Face: The bat's stubborn refusal to expire... is driving us INSANE!

Two-Face: What?
The Riddler: I hope you made extra.
Two-Face: Who the hell are you?
The Riddler: Just a friend. But you can call me... the Riddler.
Two-Face: [grabs Riddler by the collar] We'll call you dead, more likely! How did you find us here?
The Riddler: But then if I talked, what would keep you from killing me anyway, O Bifurcated One?
[looks at Two-Face's disfigurement]
The Riddler: By the way, that's never gonna heal if you don't stop picking.
Two-Face: Oh?
[puts pistol to Riddler's head]
Two-Face: Let's see if you bleed green!
The Riddler: Harvey! I don't think it's me you really want to kill. That'd be too easy for someone as sophisticated as you... and you. But Batman...
The Riddler: Now, there's a challenge! Kill the Bat! Sounds like a good idea!
[Two-Face feigns modesty]
The Riddler: Just think of it, a few bullets hit home, a quick splash of blood, and then what? Wet hands... post-homicidal depression.
The Riddler: I can help you get Batman.
[looks at Two-Face's pistol]
The Riddler: That is if you'll spare my life for just a few moments.
Two-Face: [cocks his head in amusment and puts his gun away] Heh...
The Riddler: Thank you.

Two-Face: For your dying pleasure, we are serving the very same acid that made us the men we are today.

The Riddler: By the way, I've seen your mind. Freak! Yours is the greatest riddle of all! Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist? We'll find out today! But first, let's meet our contestants. Behind curtain... number one!
[Sugar pulls the rope, the curtain drops and reveals Chase Meridian tied up and hung in a container high up in the room]
The Riddler: The absolutely fabulous Dr. Chase Meridian! She enjoys hiking, manicures and foolishly hopes to be the love of Bruce's life... HA!
Two-Face: [clapping his hands] Heh!
The Riddler: And behind curtain number two!
[Spice pulls the rope, another curtain drops and reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers]
The Riddler: Fatman's one and only partner! This acrobat turned orphan like Saturday morning cartoons and dreams one day being...
The Riddler: ... bare naked with a girl!
[Two-Face gasps and The Riddler turns to him, laughs]
The Riddler: and below these contestants... my personal favorite: A watery grave!
[He reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers and he points to his scepter]
The Riddler: Just one little touch... and five seconds later, these two date players are GULL FEED on the rocks below... Not enough time to save them both... Which one will it be, Batman? Bruce's love... or the Dark Knight's junior partner?
[He imitates a game show timer while Batman ponders in thought]
Batman: There is no way for me to save them or myself... This is all one giant death trap.
The Riddler: Judges?
[makes a buzzer noise]
The Riddler: I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question. But, thank you for playing.
[He begins to push the button on his scepter]
Batman: Wait! I have a riddle for you.
The Riddler: For me?... Really?
The Riddler: Tell me.
Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
The Riddler: Please... You're as blind as a bat!
Batman: Exactly.
[throws a batarang at his throne]

Two-Face: [before falling to his death] Yes,of course you're right, Bruce. Emotions are always the enemy of true justice... thank you... you've always been a good friend."

"Batman: The Animated Series: Almost Got 'im (#1.35)" (1992)
Two-Face: Poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy: It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking around halfway decent.
Two-Face: Half of me wants to strangle ya.
Poison Ivy: And what does the other half want?
Two-Face: To hit ya with a truck.
Poison Ivy: We used to date.
The Joker, The Penguin, Killer Croc: Ah.

The Penguin: So, I hear You-Know-Who nailed The Mad Hatter last week...
The Joker: No kidding! He sure gets around for one guy.
Two-Face: Yeah, well, that's where you're wrong. I don't think it is one guy.
Killer Croc: Huh?
Two-Face: The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of them stashed someplace, like a S.W.A.T. team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but...
The Joker: Ah, you're always seeing double.
The Penguin: It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.
The Joker: Sure, he could be all gross and disgusting under that mask!
[Dent, who was adding cream to his coffee, crushes the carton]
The Joker: Uh, no offense, Harv.
Two-Face: Just deal...
Killer Croc: Well, you know what I think?
The Joker: Not the robot theory again...
Killer Croc: Well, he could be.

Two-Face: [finishing his "almost got him" Batman story] ... And if it weren't for this blasted coin... I would have got him.
The Joker: Gee, that's too bad, Harv, but I guess you'll always come in second. Anybody else want to go?
Killer Croc: [hits the table] ME! There I was, holed up in this quarry, when Batman came nosing around. He was getting closer... Closer...
Poison Ivy: And...?
Killer Croc: I threw a rock at him!
[everyone stares in dead silence]
Poison Ivy: So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?
Killer Croc: It was a big rock...
Two-Face: They actually let him keep it!

Killer Croc: You'd think one of us would've got 'im by now...
The Penguin: I've come the closest.
Poison Ivy: Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...
Two-Face: [pounds the table] Nobody's come closer to stopping the Batman than ME!
[a squabble breaks out, which the Joker ends with a whistle]
The Joker: The fact is each of us has their own "almost got 'im" story to tell...

Two-Face: Where's my coin? I had it just here when... oh, no!

[the Joker wins the poker game]
Poison Ivy: Awww...
Two-Face: No way!
Killer Croc: Forget this!
The Penguin: Let me see those cards!

Two-Face: [narrating his story] I figured as long as I had Batman at my mercy, he deserved a 50-50 chance...
[Batman is shown strapped down to a giant penny]
Two-Face: Here's the deal: the coin lands face down, you'll be squashed flat. It lands face up, you'll just break every bone in your body!

The Penguin: [all the villains have weapons trained on Killer Croc, who is really Batman in disguise] Well, well, an impostor in our midst!
Poison Ivy: Risking everything for your kitty, Batman?
Two-Face: You're not getting outta this one!
Batman: Maybe
[snaps his fingers. Everyone in the bar turns around and trains guns on the villains]
Batman: but I'm not bad with traps, myself.

"The New Batman Adventures: Judgment Day (#2.9)" (1998)
[Batman rescues Two-Face, only to have Two-Face knock him out]
Two-Face: Remind me to thank you later.

The Penguin: My dear fellow, I contacted all my usual sources, but I'm afraid it's just not a seller's market.
Killer Croc: What's that supposed to mean?
The Penguin: [pulls out a briefcase] $50,000 for the diamond. Not a penny more.
Killer Croc: That's robbery! That rock's worth 10 times that much!
The Penguin: Don't forget, as a legitimate businessman, I have my expenses too: taxes, overhead, labor.
Two-Face: And they call me two-faced.

J. Carroll Corcoran: Two-Face, please! I got money! Cash! I can pay you!
Two-Face: Don't tell me choir boy's got a slush fund.
J. Carroll Corcoran: Kickbacks from the Gothcorp project. A hundred grand... I can have it here in an hour!
Two-Face: Should've said something earlier. We could have flipped on it.

The Judge: [Voice over] Order in the court! In the matter of the people versus Harvey Dent, how does the prisoner plead?
Two-Face: Guilty... Guilty... Guilty...

Batman: I thought I'd better find you before the Judge did.
Two-Face: Don't do me any favors!

Two-Face: Relocation, eh? I'd like to dislocate them both.

Batman: Arkham City (2011) (VG)
Two-Face: [to Catwoman] Heads or tail, kitty cat?
Catwoman: Which one lets me walk out of here alive?
Two-Face: [Flips his coin. It falls on the bad end] Not this one. Time to die!
Catwoman: I vote for a stay of execution.

Harvey Dent: The only way to get by in this place is to get ourselves some respect...
Two-Face: ...Fear! That's how we get respect! Show them all how we do things!

Catwoman: [after disarming Two-Face] No gun, Harv? Shame. This is gonna hurt.
Two-Face: [draws a second] *Two* guns, bitch!

Two-Face: Hold still while I pass judgement!

"Batman: The Animated Series: Two-Face Part II (#1.18)" (1992)
Grace Lamont: [Two-Face aims a gun at Thorne] Harvey, what are you doing?
Two-Face: Taking control of my life.
Batman: Let the law handle it.
Two-Face: The law? Here's the only law, the law of averages.
[holds up his coin]
Two-Face: The great equalizer.
[flips it]

[entering a bookie's to rob it]
Two-Face: Don't bother to adjust the picture! For the next five minutes, I'm in control!

Batman: I want to help you, Harvey.
Two-Face: Help me? You don't know anything about me!
Batman: I know that you have friends, Harvey. Friends who love and care about you

Harvey Dent: You knew there was something terribly wrong with me! You could have fixed me!
[He puts his face in his hands and looks up to reveal the scarring]
Two-Face: Now look at me!
Batman: I'm sorry, Harvey. I tried.
Two-Face: [the bridge he is standing begins to rock violently. He falls over the edge and screams as he falls toward lava] Why couldn't you save me?
Batman: [He runs over to try to save him] Harvey! No!
Thomas Wayne: [Thomas and Martha Wayne are standing underneath a streetlight] Why couldn't you save us, son?
Bruce Wayne: [Bruce wakes up]

"Batman: The Animated Series: Two-Face Part I (#1.17)" (1992)
Dr. Nora Crest: [to a hypnotized Harvey Dent] Now Harvey, I would like to speak with your other personality. I would like to talk with 'Big Bad Harv.'
Harvey Dent: I don't think he wants to talk...
Dr. Nora Crest: He must if we're to help you. Please try.
[Harvey struggles, then opens his eyes and tosses a coin]
Dr. Nora Crest: Big Bad Harv?
Big Bag Harv (Two-Face): [in Two-Face's voice] Speaking.
Dr. Nora Crest: It appears you and Harvey are having trouble again.
Big Bag Harv (Two-Face): The guy's a wimp.
Dr. Nora Crest: Well, Harvey has special problems. When he was young, he felt very guilty about his angry feelings. So guilty that he hid them deep inside until they became an illness. You, Big Bad Harv, represent these angry feelings. Everyone has anger and it does not harm, as long as it doesn't result in bad behavior. Once Harvey understands this...
Big Bag Harv (Two-Face): Then maybe I'll go away. Right?
Dr. Nora Crest: Well...
Big Bag Harv (Two-Face): [Harvey suddenly stands and throws the table aside] I'm goin' nowhere, Missy! If anyone's leaving, it's Mr. Goody-good!
[throws a lamp through the window]
Big Bag Harv (Two-Face): And maybe you with him!

Big Bad Harv (Two-Face): Harvey... Harvey Dent.
Harvey Dent: No! Keep away! Leave me alone!
Big Bad Harv (Two-Face): [Chuckles] Where you going, Harvey? You can't get away from me.
["Big Bad Harv" appears in front of Harvey]
Big Bad Harv (Two-Face): See what I mean?
Harvey Dent: Stay away! I want no part of you!
[Big Bad Harv starts flipping a coin]
Harvey Dent: No! Stop it! Stop it, I said!
Big Bad Harv (Two-Face): It's time, Harvey. It's time.

Rupert Thorne: [Reading Harvey's file] Listen to this boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Everyday the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one.
Thorne's Thugs: Oooh.
Rupert Thorne: Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital.
Candace: That was some punch.
Rupert Thorne: That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis. But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of Big Bad Harv.
Harvey Dent: What do you want?
Rupert Thorne: Just a few favours from the D.A.'s office.
Harvey Dent: You're dreaming.
Rupert Thorne: Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal?
Harvey Dent: There's just one problem...
Rupert Thorne: What's that?
Big Bad Harv (Two-Face): You're talking to the wrong Harvey.

"Batman: The Animated Series: The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne (#1.29)" (1992)
Two-Face: Get outta my face, clown!
The Joker: Which one?

The Joker: Why, Hugo, why didn't you tell us about your fear of flying?
Dr. Hugo Strange: Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman!
Two-Face: That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England!
The Joker: And people say I'm crazy!

"Batman: The Animated Series: Second Chance (#3.2)" (1994)
Batman: You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him.
Two-Face: Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just as I'm going to destroy you!

Batman: Harvey, give me your other hand! I need both your hands to save you!
Two-Face: [hanging from a ledge] What, what should I do? The coin won't tell me...
Batman: It won't tell you ANYTHING! I switched coins when you grabbed me! It's a trick coin, it'll always land on edge! It's YOUR choice now, Harvey: life or death, the coin or me!
[after a pause, Dent drops the coin]
Harvey Dent: Batman, help me.
[Batman pulls him up... ]
Two-Face: Never!
[lets go of Batman's hand, and falls]

Batman: Arkham Knight (2015) (VG)
Two-Face: [regains consciousness in the back of the Batmobile] Damn you...
Harvey Dent: So is it true... Bruce?
Two-Face: Don't answer, then. We know the truth.
Harvey Dent: You aren't Bruce Wayne. Jim Gordon and I, we didn't strike a deal with Bruce Wayne.
Two-Face: And it's sure as hell not Bruce Wayne waiting on the rooftops each night.
Harvey Dent: This is who you are. See, we get it, "Bruce." It's not the face you're given...
Two-Face: It's the face you choose.

Professor Pyg: Pyg can make Harvey right again. Dent can be a dolly.
Two-Face: Sick freak.

"The New Batman Adventures: Sins of the Father (#1.2)" (1997)
Two-Face: So, you're "Shifty" Drake's boy, huh?
Tim Drake: I'm not afraid of you.
Two-Face: Then you're dumber then your old man. Now, talk! Where is he?
Tim Drake: How 'bout I go check his calender?
Two-Face: He stole something from me.
Tim Drake: Your charming good looks?

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
The Joker: Your city is under attack by Gotham's greatest criminal minds. Including... The Riddler... Scarecrow...
Scarecrow: Pizza delivery.
The Joker: Bane.
Bane: Hello!
The Joker: Two-Face.
Two-Face: We need that door open, baby.
The Joker: Catwoman.
Catwoman: Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.

World's Finest (2004)
Two-Face: I know all about your secret romance.
Lois Lane: He'll come for me and...
Two-Face: And we he does... he will die

Holy Musical [email protected]! (2012) (TV)
Two-Face: Catch you all on the flip side!
[Flips coin, doesn't catch it]
Two-Face: Oh no, my lucky coin! That's okay, 'cause I always carry...
[Pulls out second coin]
Two-Face: Two!
Mr. Freeze: Get your broke ass *out* of here, Two-Face!

"Batman: The Animated Series: Trial (#2.9)" (1994)
Two-Face: Nobody panic!
[Everyone turns to find Harley Quinn dangling from the ceiling, strapped in Batman's straightjacket]
The Joker: OK... start panicking.