Max Shreck
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Quotes for
Max Shreck (Character)
from Batman Returns (1992)

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Batman Returns (1992)
Charles 'Chip' Shreck: Dad, you buy that "blurry" business?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Women. Nothing surprises me, Chip, except your late mother. Who'd have thought Selina had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry.

Selina Kyle: Okay, go ahead. Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean it's not like you can just kill me.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Actually, it's a lot like that.

[seeing Bruce Wayne in a tuxedo at a masquerade party]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Let me guess... trust fund goody-goody?

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Selina! Selina Kyle, you're fired! And Bruce Wayne, why are you dressed up like Batman?
Catwoman: Because he *is* Batman, you moron!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Was.
[shoots Batman]

Bruce Wayne: The point is, Max, Gotham City has a power surplus. I'm sure you know that. My question is: what's your angle?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Power surplus? Bruce, shame on you. No such thing. One can never have too much power. If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning.
Bruce Wayne: Yeah, well... I'm gonna fight you on this. And I've already spoken to the mayor and we see eye to eye, so...
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Mayors come and go. Blue bloods tire easy. You think you can go fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck?
Bruce Wayne: Well, I guess we're gonna find out. Course, I don't have a crime boss like Cobblepot in my corner, so it might...
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Crime boss? Shows what you know, Mr. to-the-manor-born-with-a-silver-spoon. Oswald is Gotham's new golden boy. If his parents hadn't eighty-sixed him, you two might've been bunkies at prep school!

The Penguin: By the way, how's Fred Atkins, your old partner?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Fred? Fred's actually... I believe he's on extended vacation. He's-he's good.
The Penguin: Good?
[Penguin takes out a severed hand]
The Penguin: Hi, Max! Remember me? I'm Fred's hand! You wanna greet any other body parts? Remember, Max. You flush it. I flaunt it.

[Shreck shoots Batman]
Selina Kyle: You killed me... The Penguin killed me... Batman killed me... that's... three lives down. You got enough in there to finish me off?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: One way to find out.
[Shreck fires two shots at Catwoman]
Selina Kyle: Four... Five...
[cracks her whip]
Selina Kyle: Still alive!
[Shreck fires two more]
Selina Kyle: Six... Seven... All good girls go to heaven...
[now within reach of Shreck; he pulls the trigger, but there are no bullets left; she laughs hysterically]
Selina Kyle: Two lives left. I think I'll save one for next Christmas. But in the meantime, how about a kiss, Santy Claus?
[grabs ahold of a power cable and moves towards Shreck with a stun gun and a kiss]

The Penguin: [spinning an umbrella with hypnotic swirls painted on] What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: What is that supposed to do? Hypnotize me?
The Penguin: No, just give you a splitting headache.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Well, it's not working.
[Penguin jerks the umbrella, which fires a shot, and Max jumps]
The Penguin: Ah, you big baby. Just blanks.

Bruce Wayne: [notices Selina's injuries] What happened?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Did you injure yourself on that ski slope? Is that why you cut short your vacation and came back?
Selina Kyle: You know, it's... a blur. I-I mean, not complete amnesia. I-I-I - I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church and Betsy Riley saying it was morning sickness and I remember the time I forgot to wear my underpants to school and the name of the boy who noticed was Ricky Friedberg.
[smile vanishes]
Selina Kyle: He's dead now. But last night: complete blur. Couldn't you just die?

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: So he survived. What's the worry?
The Penguin: He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I wish I could hand out World Peace and Unconditional Love, wrapped in a big bow.
The Penguin: [Watching from behind the sewer grill] Oh, but you can! Oh, but you will!

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with a minimum of fuss! Money, jewels, a *very* big ball of string.
Catwoman: Your blood, Max.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: My blood, I gave, at the office.
Catwoman: A half pint, I'm talking gallons.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Let's make a deal, other than my blood. What can I do for you?
Catwoman: Sorry, Max, a die for a die!

The Penguin: You're coming with me, ya great white dope, to die way down in the sewer!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Not Chip! If you have an iota of human feeling, take me instead.
The Penguin: I don't, so no.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I'm the one you want. Ask yourself. Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you, eh? Isn't it Max, not Chip, who you wanna see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage?
The Penguin: [thinks] Okay, you got a point. I'll let the little prince live.

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I'd offer you a coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time.
Bruce Wayne: Good time, too. Everyone but the bandits will be slacking off till after New Year, anyway.