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: Chicks like you give women a bad name.
: And you are...? Batgirl
: Batgirl. Batman
: That's not very PC. What about Batwoman, or Batperson? Batgirl
: Bruce, it's me, Barbara. I found the Batcave. Robin
: We gotta get those locks changed. Batman
: She knows who we are. Robin
: I guess we'll just have to kill her. Batman
: Yep, we'll kill her later, we've got work to do.
: Where's the snowman? Batgirl
: Maybe he melted. Batman
: No, he's just hibernating.
: Damn. Robin
: Damn? Damn's not good. Batgirl
: Those targeting mirrors are frozen, the thawing beam won't work.
: We'll have to do this upside-down. Batgirl
: Men, always doing things the hard way.
: You're pretty good at this, little girl. Batgirl
: Well watch and learn, little boy.
: [in the Batcave; Alfred's image is on a computer screen
] Uncle Alfred, it's me, Barbara! Alfred
: I expected you might find your way down here. I programmed my brain al-algorithms into the Batcomputer to create a virtual simu-simulation. Batgirl
: I want to help Batman and Robin. Alfred
: I anticipated you would, and took the liberty to create something in your size. Batgirl
: Suit me up, Uncle Alfred!
: [to Poison Ivy
] Using feminine wiles to get what you want? Trading on your looks? Read a book, sister. That passive-aggressive number went out years ago.
: I was pursuing a criminal. That's what Batgirl does. Oracle
: Batgirl arrived like she was invincible. Batgirl
: I didn't think I was invincible.
: You weren't there. Batman wasn't there. You-you don't even know what happened! Oracle
: Then what *did* happen?
: You're brave, kid, but you need to learn to choose your battles. Batgirl
: I don't know if I would you use the word "choose". Harley Quinn
: Then you shoulda run. Batgirl
: Not my style. Catwoman
: Is being dead your style? Batgirl
: I don't know. I've already died once - it didn't stop me.
: These thugs are a new gang with ties higher up the food chain. I haven't determined who's funding them, but they've been recruiting heavily in this area. Their iconography appears to be Lovecraftian. Batgirl
: Fascinating. I'll be sure to put it in my "Gangs I Have Known" scrapbook.
: She also said that Harley Quinn and Catwoman were sighted in the area. Batgirl
: They dropped into the dance, yeah. Batman
: They don't do anything they don't benefit from and they're criminals. Batgirl
: That didn't seem to come up when they were saving my life. If they hadn't been here... Batman
: Stay clear of them! Batgirl
: Stay clear of them? Did you just miss the point where I said they saved my life? Batman
: If you were more careful, you wouldn't need saving! Stay clear of them!
: You think you can run my life? Batman
: [pointing to the Bat symbol on her chest
] As long as you wear this symbol, you follow *my* lead. If I say stay clear of someone, you do it! Batgirl
: Fine. Maybe I don't want to wear it anymore. Batman
: You never understood what that symbol means and you don't have the discipline to do what we do. Feel free to hang it up whenever you like.
] Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
] How long is this going to take? Oracle
: It takes as long as it takes, Steph. This is a stakeout - it's not supposed to be fun. Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: I was told stakeouts had donuts. Oracle
: Any sign of him yet? Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: Nope, nothing. Just an empty street. I'm cold, I don't have any donuts and I'm rapidly getting over this assignment. Oracle
: We both know that suit's insolated, so stop your yapping.
[Batgirl spots a couple of thugs trying to break into a car
] Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: Hey, hold on a second. This night might not be a total waste. Looks like I get to kick somebody in the face after all. Oracle
: Be careful! Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: Yes yes. Careful Batgirl. I know.
[Batgirl rams the head of one crook through a car window and turns to confront the second
] Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: I'm going to the tell the cops that you did this.
[Batgirl is about to chase the second car thief into a warehouse
] Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: It's time to make the donuts. Oracle
: Again with the donuts? Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: Lay off me. I'm hungry.
: Come out, come out, wherever you are.
[a dozen thugs materialize from the shadows
] Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: Oh, I'm sorry. What I meant was, "Come out, the one thug I was chasing." The rest of you should probably go home.
[Batgirl throws her Bat-a-Rang at a perp but misses the target
] Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: Well, shit! Oracle
: Did you just miss again? Batgirl/Stephanie Brown
: Shut up. Yes. Shut up!
: Any evidence that Mary could come up with five million dollars? Batgirl
: No way. That's insane. Batman
: Joker's insane. But not stupid. He must know something about Mary we don't.
: Where are you going? Batman
: Funnybones Warehouse. Batgirl
: What are you looking for? Batman
: I don't know. Batgirl
: Every cop in the city is looking for you... Batman
: The police are looking for Batman. He's not going.
: Did you find anything? Batman
: All I know is that the Joker's not dead, and if we don't find him soon, he'll be the only one in Gotham who's not.
: I've managed to find the tracking device you gave to Harley when she was wrapped up in her Mary act. Somebody's tagged it on the Mayor, and I just saw him give some big heavy in a trench coat a huge case of money. Batman
: The Mayor? What's he buying? Batgirl
: I don't know... Wait. Trench coat's just got on a north-bound El-Train. I'm tailing him...
: Oh-NO! Batman, I need back-up - NOW! They - They're not even human...!
: Any news about Harley? Batgirl
: None. She hasn't come out of Funnybone's warehouse since that night on Gotham Bridge. She's acting as though the Joker's really... dead.
: He was working on some kind of miracle drug called Prometheum. But he lost federal funding. They said Prometheum was too unstable. Batman
: Unstable? How? Batgirl
: I'm not sure, but unstable enough to cause the government to cut funding for his research. This is where it gets interesting. After that, every increase in Evers' bank account was preceded by a major bank-job by the Joker. Batman
: Joker was funding Evers' research? Batgirl
: He's done stranger things. Batman
: Not without a punchline. Keep me posted.
: Oh, protect me, Batgirl. That monster is going to shoot me. Batgirl
: You're not so brave when your henchmen aren't around, are you, Egghead? Egghead
: Oh, I never claimed to be brave, Batgirl. No, I'm, I'm clever and crafty but I'm a complete coward.
: Oh, please, you can't ask me to rat on my friends. Batgirl
: Oh, yes I can, and you'd better start ratting fast. Egghead
: Do you eggspect me, a, a, a respected arch-criminal to, to fink on my friends like a, like a common stool pigeon? Batgirl
: Of course. Egghead
: Alright, I'll do it.
: The ambush is on the other foot now, Egghead.
: [all tied up and unable to join in the fight
] Give 'em one from me, Batman!
: [unable to escape from a vat of caviar
] Help, Batman! I'm drowning.
: I'm also freezing! Batman
: Batgirl is being frozen in that caviar!
: They almost turned me into a human au dóeuvre. What a chilling way to die. Robin
: Holy cold creeps! Leave it to crooks like them to think of a trick like this! Batman
: Yes, that's to be expected, Robin. The concept of decency is alien to the criminal mind.
: Why did you build this thing with only one seat? Batman
: Because last I checked I only had one butt
: If you call me Batgirl, can I call you Batboy?
: Engine one down. Batman
: Not a big deal. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Batgirl
: Engine two down. Batman
: It does that sometimes. Batgirl
: We've lost engine three. Batman
: Oh, could live without it. Batgirl
: Engine four! Batman
: That I do need to fix.
: Come on, Batgirl. Batgirl
: But there must be some... Robin
: We're licked!
: Oh, Bruce, if only you were more like Batman. Bruce Wayne
: [still under the Siren's stunning spell
] Batman... Batgirl
: Perhaps then you would have had the strength to resist the Siren's stunning spell.
: We're closed. Besides, you aren't even old enough to come in here. Supergirl
: Wanna see my I.D.? The Penguin
: No! I want Batman, Superman, or someone who can do something! Batgirl
: Like it or not, we're all you've got.
Detective Harvey Bullock
: So she smoked ya. Supergirl
: We put up a fight. Detective Harvey Bullock
: And lost. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but where's the Bat? Batgirl
: We're handling this. Detective Harvey Bullock
: Oh, that's reassuring. Batgirl
: Don't let that doughnut dunker get to you. We're gonna have this whole thing sewn up before Batman and Superman get back. Supergirl
: Sure. How hard can it be? Two against one, right? Batgirl
: So it was you who blazed the trail. Batgirl
: I was just doing my duty as a citizen. Batman
: I like that kind of talk. Perhaps we could, eh, get together some evening and discuss crimefighting techniques? Batgirl
: No one knows where you live. Batman
: Yes, that does constitute some problem...
: [referring to Batgirl
] I wonder who she really is. Batgirl
: [referring to Batman
] I wonder who he really is.
: No hero worth his salt would let a lady expire. It's foolproof I tell you - purrrfectly foolproof. Batgirl
: And you, Catwoman, are an even bigger fool than I thought you were. Catwoman
: Angora, gag her! Crimefighters should be seen and not heard.
[Alfred, disguised as the worlds oldest hippie, rescues Batgirl from being sawn to bits
: Thank you, whoever you are. Alfred
: Think nothing of it, sweetheart. As a matter of fact, it was selfish of me. Batgirl
: Selfish? Alfred
: Yes. I'm the janitor here. If that machine has sliced you to bits, I would have had to clean up the mess!
[Dr. Cassandra uses her Alvino Raygun on Batman, Robin, and Batgirl
: I feel like I'm getting flat! Cabala
: What a pity.
: Ah, Batman. I see you've decided to take a crack at us. But I've got your number! Batgirl
: [Batgirl appears
] And what about me, do you have my number, too? Dr. Cassandra
: Other women's numbers don't interest me, Batgirl.
] Meanwhile, back in the dungeon... Batgirl
: That Anti-Lethal-Fog Batspray is working, Batman. Batman
: Yes, I always carry some in my utility belt, along with the... Bat-file.
[whips it out
: It worked! Batman
: Yes, there's more to old Indian Fakir tricks than one might suspect. Batgirl
: And concentration, magnified by the power of yoga? Batman
: Yes, yes, that's enough talking Batgirl. Up you go.
: What are you doing here? Batgirl
: Pre-dawn, the dockyards, where else would a person in a mask be? Nightwing
: This is my gig. If I needed you, I would've called. Batman
: Smugglers? Nightwing
: Gunrunners out of South America. The only cucumbers in those crates are .30 caliber. And here comes the bag boys now.
: You all right? Nightwing
: You know me, always happy to have a little help.
[walks over to her
] Chief O'Hara
: Thanks heavens your here. Eh, but why are ye here? Batgirl
: Shall we say a hunch, Chief O'Hara? Some sixth sense that things aren't quite right in Gotham City. Chief O'Hara
: Not only in Gotham City but in this office. The Commissioner's been kidnapped. Batgirl
: Kidnapped! My fa- Commissioner Gordon kidnapped?
: My father uses a very rare brand of aftershave lotion called Wellington no 4. It's imported from Sumatra. Alfred
: I know the brand. A former employer of mine, the Earl of Chutney used to use it. If I remember correctly, it's ingredients contain a small amount of curryroot. Which gives it a very pungent aroma, quite unlike any other aftershave lotion. Batgirl
: Yes, the aroma is unmistakable.
: Wonder what Batman will have us on next. Robin
: [Imitating Batman
] I have an important mission for you two. The bat-mobile must be washed. Two coats of wax this time. Batgirl
: [Imitating Batman
] And don't forget to hang one of those tree-shaped air fresheners. The fate of Gotham depends on it.
: Batman. Figures. Robin
: No wonder you always take point. You're good. Bruce Wayne
: And you guys are pretty good at grunt work. Now who wants to wash the bat-mobile?
: [grabs onto the chandelier the Riddler holds onto after he orders his men to seize her and uses it to propel herself out the window after them
] Thanks for the lift!
: Riddle me this, Riddler. What kind of mill leaves tire tracks? The Riddler
: Uh - a treadmill?
: You mean back to the Batcomputer in the Batcave, Batman? Batman
: There's no time for that, Robin. We'll use the Portable Batcomputer in the Batmobile. Batgirl
: I think I'll tag along, Batman! The instruments in the Batgirlcycle aren't quite as sophisticated as those in the Batmobile. Batman
: Thank you.
: I might've known. You can't get policewomen to help you catch mice.
: Are you sure about this? Batman
: So far all their robberies have been near water. Baby Doll's playing towards her man's strength. Batgirl
: What do you suppose they do on a date? Batman
: ...I don't want to think about it.
: Math. Why did it have to be math?
: I've always meant to ask you, Catwoman, who does your hair?
[a cut to her reveals seaweed in it
: Cleaning up crime is the dream of every good citizen, Batgirl. But one thought intrigues me: how did you know that Robin and I might be in trouble with Penguin in this glue-factory? Batgirl
: Through the one thing you couldn't possibly have in your utility belt, Batman... a woman's intuition.
: What's that hyena laughing at now? Joker
: Just this, Batgirl: you can't arrest me for looking for phony money I never really found. Commission James Gordon
: No, but the laugh's on you, Joker. I'm locking you up for making a movie without a permit. Joker
: What? You can't do that to me!
[everyone else laughs
: How could you help Joker do it, Harley? Harley Quinn
: Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little. But I'll make it right. Batgirl
: Yeah, you're Mother of the Stinkin' Year!
] Ohh-h-h-h, n-o-o-o-o. Batgirl
: Ohh-h-h-h, y-e-e-e-s.
: Tell me something, Batgirl, how did you get out of that vat? Batgirl
: With my Batgirl vat-opener, after Louie's knock-out spray wore off.
: [watching Batgirl arrive on her Batcycle
] Trash of another color on the horizon: Bat-trash! Batgirl
: Consider your collecting career over, Penguin!
: [about Batman
] He's so authoritative. So confident! Robin
: The more you work with Batman, the more amazing he seems.
: Chocolate syrup. A delicious way to die but, personally, I'll take vanilla.
Robin (Dick Grayson)
: Batgirl. I still can't believe it. How could you keep something like this from me? Batgirl
: You weren't exactly honest with me, either. Robin (Dick Grayson)
: But you told him. Batgirl
: He knew. Batman
: It wasn't my place to tell you. Robin (Dick Grayson)
: But it was your place to put her in danger. Batgirl
: It wasn't like that. I volunteered! Robin (Dick Grayson)
: You think you did. You don't know him like I do. He manipulates, pulls strings, anything to get what he wants. Batman
: I thought we had the same goals. Robin (Dick Grayson)
: Things change. I've changed. The game's over, Batman. I quit. Batman
: Robin, wait.
[Batman grabs Robin's shoulder. Robin then turns around and hits Batman in the face
: That was a slimy trick, you rotten egg! Egghead
: Of course, Batgirl, I have a patent on slimy tricks. Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: Wait a minute, Eggski. Where is my KeBadushka? Egghead
: Batman? He was probably too afraid of me to show up. Only these foolhardy youngsters are in politic enough to do that. Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: Does not sound like Badushka I know, huh. Egghead
: That's because you don't know him as well as I do, Olga. At heart he is a coward in the eggstreme Robin
: [being restrained by Cossacks
] Batman has more courage in his little finger than you have in your whole cowardly body, you... Egghead
] Quiet, Wonder Midget, or I'll have you cut off permanently!
: You can't hide from me, Shiva. Lady Shiva
: Not here, Batgirl. Batgirl
: You don't get to choose where I take you down. Lady Shiva
: I won't lose. Not to you, not to anyone. Batgirl
: Someone's gotta lose, Shiva. Lady Shiva
: Ladies first.
: [last lines: "The Great Scarecrow Scare"
] Can we take him down, Batman? Batman
: I don't know. Since this a cornfield maybe he's finally found his place: scaring crows!
[they laugh with Robin
: [to Alfred
] You tricked me into revealing my secret by posing as a minister!
: It's lucky you were in the vicinity of Gotham Square Garden. Batgirl
: Yes, luck is an important weapon to a woman crime fighter, Batman.
: [holding back Joker so he can't jump off the boat
] Don't be stupid! You can't save that money! The Joker
: I don't want to save it! I want to go with it!
: No need to change clothes, Penguin, they'll issue you a nice striped wardrobe where you're going. The Penguin
: Fah! Armband, Visor, bridle that filly!
: [about Robin
] Nice guy, but a few bats short of a belfry.
: Bialya's dictator, Queen Bee, is another story. Her ability to control the minds of men is why Alpha is an all-female squad for this mission. Batgirl
: Oh really? And would you have felt the need to justify an all male squad for a given mission. Nightwing
: ...There's no right answer for that, is there?
: This is where we call in the Justice League, right? The Batman
: For a monkey? They'd throw me out in two seconds.
: Why are you doing this? The Joker
: To prove a point.
: You OK, Bats? Bruce Wayne
: It's nothing, it's... just a sudden sense of déjà vu. Robin
: Deja what? Bruce Wayne
: It's a French term. Describing when you feel like you've experienced a situation before. Batgirl
: Robin by the way, is French for duh!
: Holy apparition! Batgirl
: No, Boy Wonder. I'm Batgirl! You're no longer alone, Caped Crusaders.
[after Calendar Girl is caught, a police officer pulls off her mask
] Calendar Girl
: NO! DON'T LOOK AT ME!
[She writhes around, trying to hide her face. Batman and Batgirl are watching from above
: But... she's beautiful. Batman
: She can't see that now. All she can see are the flaws.
Ice Maiden #2
: Hey, Freeze, look who dropped in!
[Mr. Freeze reveals himself. Showing his head walking on robotic spider-like legs
: Oh, my God. Mr. Freeze
: Ah, I was hoping to see you again. Batman
: What happened? Mr. Freeze
: The accident that created me finally took its toll. By the time these doctors stopped my deterioration, all that was left undamaged was this. Batgirl
: That's what you meant when you said it was too late for you. Mr. Freeze
: Ironic, isn't it? After all I did to keep my wife whole, I end up like this. You understand now why I could not return to my Nora, my treasure. There's no hope for me, or you or your city. Everyone's going to feel my loss.
: [Batgirl has just saved the lives of Batman & Robin in the nick of time
] What took you so long, Batgirl? Batgirl
: Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't have wanted me to speed, would you? Robin
: Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives! Batman
: Rules are rules, Robin. But... you do have a point.
: [after seeing the giant mutant cows
] Holy Cow! Batgirl
: You had to say it.
: Don't waste your ammo on him. Shoot the Santa.