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Quotes for
Batman (Character)
from Batman Begins (2005)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Batman: Arkham Origins (2013) (VG)
Batman: [after defeating Firefly] You need a new hobby.

Batman: I'm on your side.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: My side? My side works within the law. My side doesn't leave suspects with broken bones and missing teeth. We've earned Gotham's respect!
Batman: If that were true, I wouldn't be here.
Branden: [Branden and his squad arrive, armed to the teeth] Gordon, clear the line of fire!
GCPD Captain James Gordon: Hold your fire. If he moves, take him down.
[to Batman]
GCPD Captain James Gordon: You've got nowhere to run.
[Batman throws a smoke pellet, as Branden and his team fire. Batman proceeds to get Gordon to safety]

Barbara Gordon: Wait. Why do you do what you do?
Batman: Because I made a promise.

Bane: [after defeating Bane, who has suffered brain-damage due to the TN-1] I must find... the Bat Man. I... must find the Bat Man.
Batman: Good luck with that.

GCPD Captain James Gordon: [after Batman brutally beats the Joker into submission] Any one of my guys would've killed him.
Batman: [hands Gordon back his gun] The city deserves better than that.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: Y'know, my daughter thinks of you as a hero.
[points gun]
GCPD Captain James Gordon: But I still have to bring you in.

Deathstroke: Apparently Joker's afraid of me. Wouldn't let me out. Good. I don't like having my time wasted.
Batman: You should've known trying to kill me WAS a waste of your time.
Deathstroke: Heh. Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore. Not unless someone else puts up fifty million bucks.
Batman: I wasn't worried.

Escaped Convict: [while trying hard not to laugh] Jingle bells... Batman smells...
Batman: [unamused] Nooooo.
Batman: [knocks him out] Gordon, got one for the Arkham ward. Better bring a muzzle, he's a biter.

Escaped Convict: Let me go! You ain't a cop.
Batman: No. I'm worse.

Batman: You want teeth? I want ANSWERS!

Killer Croc: 'Thought I caught your scent.
Batman: I know I caught yours.

Killer Croc: Wait 'til Black Mask's assassins get through with you. Whoever wins is gonna be famous... and rich.
Batman: [knocks him out] At least we know he won't be ugly.

The Joker: So either you kill Bane...
Batman: No. I won't kill him.
Bane: But you will. You will fight me with all your resolve, or you will die. Someone IS going to die. You, me, or the clown. The question of whichever one of us it is... is in your hands.

Batman: [in the Batwing] Alfred? Alfred?
Bane: I am in your house, Bruce.
Batman: Bane.
Bane: Come home, say your goodbyes. When you've had time to turn grief into anger, then you will be ready to face me. I have left enough life in him for some final words, IF you hurry.
Batman: ALFRED!

GCPD Captain James Gordon: [after Batman has apprehended the last escaped convict] Alright, that's all of them. Thanks, Batman, I owe you one.
Batman: Then do me a favor: tell your people to back off and let me do my job.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: I'll think about it.
Batman: Well don't take too long. I have a feeling we'll be doing this again real soon.

Escaped Convict: Back off! You can't arrest me.
Batman: You're right, but I can make sure you're still here when the GCPD does.
[punches him out]

The Joker: You just can't get it through your thick skull. We both exist because of THEM!
Batman: Give up! You've lost!

GCPD Captain James Gordon: Hello? Uh... Batman?
Batman: Gordon?
GCPD Captain James Gordon: Sorry to, uh, interrupt. Barbara gave me this frequency. I was wondering if you could help me with something.
Batman: Is there a problem?
GCPD Captain James Gordon: That depends. If we can contain this in time, it should be alright.
Batman: Contain what?
GCPD Captain James Gordon: We've got some Blackgate escapees stirring up trouble in the city, and after tonight's events, I'm a little short staffed at the moment.
Batman: So you want me to bring them in?
GCPD Captain James Gordon: Well, that's what you do, right?
Batman: I'll see what I can do.

Escaped Convict: When I get out, I'm comin' for ya, freak.
Batman: I'm looking forward to it. Bring your friends too.
[punches him out]

Batman: You just ran out of time.

The Joker: [laughing hysterically] Oh... Oh Bats, what a night!
[Batman lifts him and slams him against a pillar]
The Joker: Fresh off the kill, and back for more, eh?
Batman: Bane's still alive.
[Joker's smile fades, and he checks his heart monitor, only to find Batman's words are true]
The Joker: Now that's. Not. Funny.
[Pulls out a gun, in which Batman lets go, punches Joker, and is hit by a rebound]
The Joker: All this... all this rage! All directed at and for WHAT? You know, if you'd just let me finish a sentence you might LEARN something! You might learn that were not so different. You might even learn something about yourself!
Batman: You need to learn to shut up.
The Joker: You know it's sad really, makes me think you don't care to see the good side in me. Well, I guess learning is a lot to ask from you, meat-for-brains.
[Batman knocks gun out of his hand, and kicks him far]
The Joker: Is all of this for you? Or for me? You must know that I'm a lost cause... Oh, but there's still hope for you!
[laughs]
The Joker: I have great hopes for you... So go on! Don't stop now!
[after more fighting, Joker is thrown against a window]
The Joker: [Picks up glass shards:] You just can't get it through your thick skull. WE BOTH EXIST BECAUSE OF THEM!
Batman: Give up, you've lost!
The Joker: [Batman beats Joker brutally, throwing him at a Tomb] That's why you do it, isn't it? You LIKE the way it feels, its what you need!
[Batman lifts Joker and throws him on the ground]
The Joker: Come on baby, beat me till your knuckles bleed! And don't stop there, you know there's only one way to stop me!
[Batman grabs Joker, shaking him while Joker hallucinates seeing a Bat-monster. Batman finally punches him unconscious]

Escaped Convict: The Joker chose me. He chose me!
Batman: Tell him I said hello.
[knocks him out; over radio]
Batman: Gordon, this one's lost it. I recommend Blackgate's Arkham ward.

Escaped Convict: When I get out, I'm coming for you. You and your whole stinkin' family.
Batman: You shouldn't have said that!
[knocks him out]

Batman: That better be lip gloss you're reaching for.

Escaped Convict: They say you're the savior of the city or something.
Batman: Something like that.
[cold cocks him]

Escaped Convict: You know what they'll do to me back at Blackgate. The guards are worse than the prisoners!
Batman: That's all going to change now.
[knocks him out; over radio]
Batman: Gordon, send someone you trust to my location.

Killer Croc: [appears out of a doorway and grabs Batman] Will you look who's back for more.
Batman: I've had enough of you for one night.
Killer Croc: Not yet you haven't.
[a sniper aims at Batman, Gordon strikes the sniper, causing him to misfire and hit Croc]
Killer Croc: Screw this. Want the Joker? Take him.

Batman: [both fighting thugs] You fight well.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: Had a rough childhood. This doesn't make us friends, you know.
Batman: Yeah, I know.

Batman: [tosses Firefly's detonator at Gordon's feet] You didn't listen.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: I'm not big on taking orders from wanted men.
Batman: I'm not big on taking orders from cops. I should have gotten to that last bomb.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: Yeah... and I should've given you access to that security door.
[stoops to pick up detonator]
GCPD Captain James Gordon: But between the two of us, we covered it pretty well.
[looks back to see Batman has gone]

Batman: Gordon, open the fire door on the north end of the bridge.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: [over radio] Get off this frequency now!
Batman: Listen. I'm going to disarm the bomb at the south end. Have this door open by the time I get back.
GCPD Captain James Gordon: You let me do my job and stay the hell out of my way!
Batman: Damn it!

G.C.P.D. Det. Harvey Bullock: Hold it right there!
GCPD Captain James Gordon: I'm bringing you in.
Batman: Not tonight.
[disappears]

Lonnie Machin: I'm so glad you came. It's an honour, really. There's so much for us to discuss!
Batman: What do you want?
Lonnie Machin: I'd like to propose an alliance! I think the two of us could accomplish great things together!
Batman: I don't work with criminals! You need to turn yourself in!
Lonnie Machin: Tell you what, I'll turn myself in as soon as you do the same! But you don't consider yourself a criminal, do you? The suit, the gadgets, the sense of entitlement... you're just another rich kid atoning for his fiscal sins! Such a shame...
[fight starts]

Lonnie Machin: I wanted to make a difference, I thought you'd feel the same!
Batman: I do! But not like this! A lot of innocent people almost died tonight because of you!
Lonnie Machin: Innocent? They watched as Gotham went to hell and didn't do a thing!
Batman: They're afraid!
Lonnie Machin: No... they're weak!

Alfred Pennyworth: Assassins, sir? As in more than one?
Batman: That's right.
Alfred Pennyworth: And you heard this from the mouth of a crocodile man?
Batman: His name is Killer Croc. And he's already behind bars.
Alfred Pennyworth: [sees photos of Croc] Hmm, I pity his cellmate.
Batman: I don't.

Batman: They're all hired killers, the best in the business. Black Mask isn't messing around. Slade Wilson - Deathstroke. Former military, subject of a failed medical experiment.
[Slade beats up a squad of Black Mask's thugs single-handed]
Alfred Pennyworth: Failed, you say?
Batman: Garfield Lynns, a.k.a. Firefly. Burns on 90 percent of his body. His obsession is going to be his end.
Alfred Pennyworth: How unlike anyone I know.

Batman: Floyd Lawton, a.k.a. Deadshot. Says here he's an expert marksman.
[Deadshot fires a round that ricochets behind him and kills several of Black Mask's thugs at his back]
Alfred Pennyworth: How on earth...?
Batman: Suspected of many assassinations. Dangerous, but reckless. Street tough named Lester Buchinsky. Calls himself Electrocutioner.
Alfred Pennyworth: Shocking.


Batman: Arkham City (2011) (VG)
Batman: It was all a lie. There's nothing wrong with you.
The Joker: Nice of you to say, but you of all people should know...
[reveals disfigured face]
The Joker: ... there's plenty wrong with me.

Batman: [from trailer]
[Batman holds the captain over the edge of a building rooftop]
Batman: Who sent you?
Captain: Hugo Strange.

Batman: This is not a time for negotiation.

Batman: [to Mr. Freeze] Today is not a good day to push me, Victor.

Batman: Where's Ra's? If he's dead again, I need you to wake him up.

Talia al Ghul: Thousands of warriors have fallen in pursuit of the Demon. Would-be successors have proven to be nothing more than children battling the enormity of creation.
Batman: I've seen worse.

Oracle: [after Batman emerges from a lengthy fight with Ra's al Ghul] Bruce? Where the hell have you been? I thought you were dead.
Batman: Sorry to disappoint you.

Catwoman: Figured you could use my help.
Batman: You're right, I think I chipped a nail back there.

Batman: Let's just talk about this...
The Joker: NOW you wanna talk?
[pointing a gun to Talia's head]
The Joker: too late

Batman: I didn't need your help.
Robin: Really? That's not what it looked like from where I was standing.

Batman: You're finished, Cobblepot.
The Penguin: No! I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me.
Batman: I can't guarantee that.
The Penguin: [pulls out detonator] Me neither.
[the platform explodes, sending Batman to a lower level]

Mad Hatter: You're mine now. You're mine and there's nothing Strange can do about it. Are you not going to drink your tea? It's my special tea. My special tea. My specialty.
Batman: Go to hell, Jervis.

Tyger 4: All units, this is Air Tyger 4. We have confirmation that Prisoner 4011 is in the courthouse. I repeat, Catwoman is in the courthouse.
Hugo Strange: Is she in danger?
Tyger 4: Affirmative. Target is being held by Dent. We believe he intends to kill her. How should we proceed?
Hugo Strange: Stand down. Let Two Face have his fun.
Tyger 4: Understood.
Batman: That doesn't sound good.

The Joker: Quick, the cure! What are you waiting for? Come on! I killed your girlfriend, poisoned Gotham, and hell, it's not even breakfast. But so what? We all know you'll save me.
Batman: Every decision you've ever made ends in death and misery. People die. I stop you. You'll just break out and do it again.
The Joker: Think of it as a running gag...
[the Joker leaps out and stabs Batman in the shoulder, causing him to drop the vial containing the cure, shattering it]
The Joker: Nooooo!
[Batman pulls out the knife while the Joker drops to the floor and begins desperately trying to grab some of the cure]
The Joker: Are you happy now?
Batman: You want to know something funny? Even after everything you've done... I would have saved you.
The Joker: [laughs, coughs] That actually is... pretty funny...
The Joker: [starts laughing and coughing, then gasping for air and finally dies, smiling]

The Penguin: So, Batman, you 'ere for the cops, the ice man, or me?
Batman: I was only here for Fries and the hostages, but now, I'm taking you down too.
The Penguin: Ooh, aren't you scary.
Batman: You're about to find out.

Batman: [in a very threatening voice] Don't EVER try to get in my head again, Hatter.
Mad Hatter: But you don't understand. I need you. I can't win without you.
Batman: Then you lose. I'm not your slave. Not now, not ever.

Batman: I told you I'd find her.
Mr. Freeze: Thank you, Batman. I am sorry I doubted you.
Batman: Just fix her and quit this life. You're better than this.

The Penguin: Well, look who it is. What's up, Batman? Did a little bird tell you that Two-Face was back?
Batman: I'm surprised he didn't kill you. What did you do, hide?
The Penguin: Who do you think you're talking to? Oswald Cobblepot doesn't hide from anyone, understand? He just... he just didn't see me.
Batman: How convenient.

Batman: Alfred, I need to find a way into the Sionis Steel Mill.
Alfred Pennyworth: Have you tried the front door, sir?

Martha Wayne: [Batman is about to succumb to the effects of the Joker's poison blood, he has a vision of his parents at the Pearly white gates] Bruce, you can hear me, can you? You need to step into the light, your father and I are waiting. We missed you so much. You have to do it, Bruce. We need you to do it Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.
Oracle: [Batman regains consciousness and the voice turns into Oracle] Bruce, can you hear me? Your vitals, they're dropping, it's almost like they're in freefall. You need to find what you're looking for, now.
Batman: [Coughs slightly] How long have I got?
Oracle: Thank God. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. At this rate, I say minutes. Seriously, Bruce. you need to tell me what you want me to do. What do I get Robin to do. You know, if you don't...
Batman: I'll make it.

Mr. Freeze: [Seeing Batman returning] Impressive, Batman. I doubted you actually returned.
Batman: I'm a man of my word, Victor.
[Mr. Freeze takes the vial of Ra's Al' Goul's blood]
Batman: You should know that by now.
Mr. Freeze: [after making the cure] The formula is complete. The bonding process seems to be successful. How are you feeling? You look unwell.
Batman: Give it to me.
Mr. Freeze: I'm afraid I can not do that, Batman. You have given me your last...
[breaks vial]
Mr. Freeze: order.
Batman: *This* is *not* a time for negotiation.
Mr. Freeze: I think it is. The clown has my wife. Bring her back to me.
[Batman then turns to the safe and tries to get the other vial, but Mr. Freeze uses his ice gun to freeze the safe]
Batman: You don't want to do this, Freeze.
Mr. Freeze: Oh, I believe I do.
[His suit activates]
Mr. Freeze: You will bring me Nora, or you, will, die.

Catwoman: [after Batman helps Catwoman defeat Two-Face] Anyone ever tell you you're full of surprises?
Batman: I figured you could use my help, Selena.
Catwoman: You're right, I think I chipped a nail back there.
Batman: Funny.
Catwoman: So what do you need, Mr. Detective?
Batman: Protocol 10. What do you know, Selena?
Catwoman: Never heard of it.
Batman: That's not what I wanted to hear. What about Strange?
Catwoman: I don't trust him. He's been missing for years, and suddenly he's been put in charge running Arkham City. Rumor has it he's been working with Joker, planning something special just for you. Maybe *that's* Protocol 10.
The Joker: [Off-Screen, looking through a scope] Twinkle, twinkle, little Bat. Watch me kill your favorite Cat.
[laughs and coughs]
Catwoman: The *Ex* District Attorney here said something...
[Batman then sees a green laser on Catwoman knowing that it's The Joker wanting to kill her, but Batman grabs Catwoman and shoves her out of the way of the bullet before the bullet struck Catwoman]
Catwoman: What the hell?
The Joker: [Off-Screen, looking through a scope] See you soon, Bats.
[laughs and coughs]
Catwoman: This place is dangerous, I like it. You expecting a kiss?
Batman: It was Joker. You're not safe here. No-one is.
Catwoman: Nine lives, remember?
[Uses her whip to escape from the courtroom]


Batman: The Movie (1966)
Commissioner Gordon: Penguin, Joker, Riddler... and Catwoman, too! The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate!
Batman: We've been given the plainest warning. They're working together to take over...
Chief O'Hara: Take over *what*, Batman? Gotham City?
Batman: Any *two* of them would try that!
Commissioner Gordon: The whole country?
Batman: If it were three of them, I would say yes, but *four*? Their minimum objective must be... the *entire* world.

Vice Admiral Fangschliester: [on the phone] Your tone sounds rather grim. We haven't done anything foolish, have we?
Batman: [reproachfully] Disposing a pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses... Good day, Admiral!
Vice Admiral Fangschliester: [they hang up] Gosh!

Commissioner Gordon: It could be any one of them... But which one? Which ones?
Batman: Pretty *fishy* what happened to me on that ladder...
Commissioner Gordon: You mean where there's a fish there could be a Penguin?
Robin: But wait! It happened at sea... Sea. C for Catwoman!
Batman: Yet, an exploding shark *was* pulling my leg...
Commissioner Gordon: The Joker!
Chief O'Hara: All adds up to a sinister riddle... Riddle-R. Riddler!
Commissioner Gordon: A thought strikes me... So dreadful I scarcely dare give it utterance...
Batman: The four of them... Their forces combined...
Robin: Holy nightmare!

Batman: The Riddler is loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums.

Commissioner Gordon: A fine job, Batman. You allayed their fears magnificently.
Batman: What else could I have done, Commissioner? If I told the truth, panic will grip the city.
Chief O'Hara: The truth. Sure, and what is the truth?
Batman: A decoy. A strange anonymous warning that Commodore Schmidlapp is in danger, to lure me into a trap.
Commissioner Gordon: A fiendish attempt on Batman's life.
Chief O'Hara: You mean, when they were luring you to a watery grave, the commodore's yacht has been hijacked in some places?
Batman: Precisely.
Commissioner Gordon: And who behind it? Not a clue.
Batman: Tell me, Commissioner: What known supercriminals are at large just now?
Commissioner Gordon: I'll check at once, Batman. Bonnie, let's have the latest status report on supercriminals still at large.
Bonnie: Yes, Commissioner.
Commissioner Gordon: Thank you, Bonnie. Coming up, Batman, on the closed-circuit TV screen. Come over here.
[the quartet move to the closed-circuit TV screen on the wall]
Closed Circuit TV Screen: Status report. Known supercriminals not currently imprisoned.
Batman: The Penguin.
Commissioner Gordon: That pompous, waddling master of foul play, maestro a million criminal umbrellas.
Robin: The Joker.
Chief O'Hara: Devilish clown prince of crime! Oh, if I only had a nickel for every time he's baffled us!
Commissioner Gordon: What, the Riddler loose too?
Batman: So it seems. Loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums.
Robin: Gosh! And the Catwoman!
Closed Circuit TV Screen: End of status report.

The Penguin: Ahoy there! Could you chaps direct me to a policeman? Commodore Schmidlapp's the name. Big Ben Distilleries, you know.
[Batman and Robin look at each other]
Robin: Holy costume party. That's the Penguin.
Batman: Obviously.
Robin: What's his game, I wonder.
[Batman turns back to the Penguin]
Batman: What's your game, Penguin?
The Penguin: Penguin?
[laughs]
The Penguin: No, my name's Schmidlapp, old boy. Schmidlapp.

Batman: They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're still human beings.

Batman: Confound it, the batteries are dead!

Batman: Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb.

Robin: When you think, Batman, with those four supercrooks hangin' around, it's amazing somebody hasn't already reported this place to the police!
Batman: It's a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.
Robin: Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes!

Robin: Gosh, drinking's sure a filthy thing isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes.
Batman: Uh-uh.

Batman: Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity! Let's go, but, inconspicuously, through the window. We'll use our Batropes. Our job is finished.

Batman: Bon Voyage, Pussy.

Batman: Hand down the shark-repellent Batspray!

[Batman and Robin are running to the United World Building]
Robin: Holy marathon! I'm getting a stitch, Batman!
Batman: Let's hope that it's a stitch in time, Robin, that saves nine - The nine members of the United World Security Council. Come on.

Robin: [pointing toward the sky] That crazy missile! It wrote two more riddles before it blew up!
Batman: [reading a skywritten message] "What goes up white and comes down yellow and white?"
Robin: An egg!
Batman: [reading another skywritten message] "How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people?"
Robin: Make applesauce!
Batman: [thinking out loud] Apples into applesauce - A unification into one smooth mixture. An egg - nature's perfect container. The container of all our hopes for the future.
Robin: A unification and a container of hope? United World Organization!
Batman: Precisely, Robin! And there's a special meeting of the Security Council today. If what I fear is true...
Robin: Wow! Let's commandeer a taxi!
Batman: No, Robin. Not at this time of day. Luckily, we're in tip-top condition. It'll be faster if we run. Let's go!

Vice Admiral Fangschliester: ...to some chap named P.N. Guin.
Batman: P.N. Guin...
Robin: Penguin!

Batman: [reads the first riddle] What has yellow skin and writes?
Robin: A ball-point banana!
Batman: [reads the second riddle] What people are always in a hurry?
Robin: Rushing people... Russians!
Batman: So this means...
Robin: Someone Russian is going to slip on a banana and break their neck!
Batman: Precisely, Robin!

Batman: Look at this pair of joking riddles.
Chief O'Hara: [reads] What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?
Robin: He gobbles up!
Chief O'Hara: Of course.
Batman: And, number two...
Commissioner Gordon: [reads] What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree and is very dangerous?
Robin: A sparrow with a machine gun!
Commissioner Gordon: Yes, of course.

Robin: Are you sure you didn't hurt your head in that fight, Batman?
Batman: I'm sure. Here, swallow this pill.
Robin: Thanks.

Batman: To the Batmobile! This could be the break we've been looking for!

The Catwoman: [to Batman, posing as Kitka] If you please, to take off the mask to give the better picture?
Commissioner Gordon: Great Scott! Batman take off his mask?
Chief O'Hara: The woman must be mad!
Batman: Please... Chief O'Hara... all of you. This young lady is a stranger to our shores. Her request is not unnatural, however, impossible to grant.
The Catwoman: Impossible?
Batman: Indeed. If Robin and I were to remove our masks, the secret of our true identities would be revealed.
Commissioner Gordon: Completely destroying their value as ace crimefighters.
Chief O'Hara: Sure, ma'am. Not even Commisioner Gordon and meself know who they really are.
Robin: In fact, our own relatives we live with don't know.
The Catwoman: But your so curious costumes...
Robin: Don't be put off by them, ma'am. Underneath this garb, we're perfectly ordinary Americans.
The Catwoman: You are like the masked vigilantes in the Westerns, no?
Commissioner Gordon: Certainly not! Batman and Robin are fully deputized agents of the law.
Robin: Support your police! That's our message!
Batman: Well said, Robin... and no better way to end this press conference... thank you, and good day.


Batman: Arkham Knight (2015) (VG)
[from trailer]
Cop: What are you doing?
Batman: Evening the odds.

Batman: Stand down, Robin!
Arkham Knight: DON'T CALL ME THAT! THAT'S NOT WHO I AM!

The Joker: What have I got to be afraid of?
Batman: You're afraid of being ashes. You're afraid of being forgotten. And you *will* be forgotten, Joker. Because of me.

Batman: I am vengeance! I am the night! I am Batman!

Selina Kyle: Some things you can't do alone, Bruce.
Batman: And some things you have to.
Selina Kyle: Call if you need me.
Batman: I won't.
Selina Kyle: I know. I just wanted to say it.

Batman: Where's Scarecrow?
Soldier: [Tries to inject him with Scarcrow's fear toxin] Go to hell!
Batman: [Throws him to the ground and pins him down] Where is he?
Soldier: I've got nothing to say to you, Batman.
Batman: Talk, or I will crush every bone in your body.
Soldier: Okay, okay, he's working out of a penthouse in Chinatown. I swear, that's all I know!
Batman: If you're lying, I'll break the other one.
Soldier: The other...?
Batman: [Breaks his arm]

Batman: You're insane!
Professor Pyg: And what are you?

Batman: Jim, I wanted to tell you: working with Barbara, it was an honor...
G.C.P.D. Commissioner James Gordon: Don't.
Batman: Even if you knew what she was she was doing, you couldn't have stopped her.
G.C.P.D. Commissioner James Gordon: Stubborn. Like her old man.
Batman: Brave.
G.C.P.D. Commissioner James Gordon: You know, you see a lot in this job. A lot of heartbreak, a lot of suffering. But I'll never forget taking a witness statement from an eight-year-old boy who'd just seen his parents gunned down.
Batman: You were kind, Jim.
G.C.P.D. Commissioner James Gordon: I... I was thinking, I may never get the chance to tell you this, to say sorry.
Batman: You don't have to.
G.C.P.D. Commissioner James Gordon: We're the same, Bruce. We'd do anything for our family.

Pamela Isley: Nature always wins!
[Vines suddenly pull Batman away]
Pamela Isley: Will he ever learn?
[She proceeds to go down an elevator to the bottom floor, only to realise Batman is there waiting]
Batman: You're coming with me.
Pamela Isley: You only had to ask.

[Penguin wakes up in the rear of the Batmobile, en route to the GCPD]
Oswald Cobblepot: Oh, my head... where... where am I?
Batman: Guess.
Oswald Cobblepot: No... no! Those guns, they were mine!
Batman: You can sell them for scrap, if you ever get out.
Oswald Cobblepot: Oh, you smug bastard! I might have known it was a Wayne underneath that mask. What's the matter? Bankrupting my family's business wasn't enough, you had to go and kick ten tons of crap outta people too?
Batman: Your family was corrupt, Cobblepot.
Oswald Cobblepot: Yeah, and yours are dead! Oh, what's the matter? Touched a nerve? This Caped Crusader lark doesn't really work when everybody knows who you are, does it?
Batman: Worked fine catching you.
Oswald Cobblepot: Face it, after tonight, Batman's dead in the water! You'd better find yourself a new costume, old boy. Oh, I know! How about a squirrel?
[laughs]
Batman: You'll see.

[after Batman apologized to Jason Todd]
Batman: Alfred. It's... I've found Jason.
Alfred Pennyworth: Excuse me, sir, I must have misheard you. For a moment, I thought you said that you'd found Master Todd.
Batman: You heard right.
Alfred Pennyworth: My God. Is he alright?
[Batman turns to see that Jason has fled]
Batman: No. No he's not.

[Batman brings Barbara to the G.C.P.D. building]
G.C.P.D. Officer Aaron Cash: Barbara! It's great to see you!
Barbara Gordon: Hello, Aaron. It's been a while.
Batman: Barbara's going to be helping out here.
G.C.P.D. Officer Aaron Cash: Whatever you say. She work for you now?
[chuckles]
G.C.P.D. Officer Aaron Cash: Hell, what am I saying? We all do, right?

Arkham Knight: Turn around.
[Batman does, and sees the Arkham Knight aiming a gun at him]
Batman: Who are you?
Arkham Knight: You really have no idea...
[lifts his mask]
Jason Todd: ...do you, Bruce?
Batman: Jason? But... you're dead.
The Joker: Let's not fall out here, Bats. I might have told you a teeny, tiny little lie. But come on, look at the boy! You did good. We did good! You should be proud.

Selina Kyle: You still haven't apologized.
Batman: For what?
Selina Kyle: For Eddie treating me like a white hat. Like one of your sidekicks! You know, half the crooks in Gotham think I feed you info.
Batman: You do.
Selina Kyle: Well yeah, when there's something in it for me. They think I'm doing it on principle!
Batman: Sorry for making criminals think less of you.
Selina Kyle: Hey, have I ever hurt anyone? I'm not one of the bad guys, Batman. I'm freelance.
Batman: You should pick a side, Selina.
Selina Kyle: Your side should pay better.

Batman: [From Season of Infamy: Beneath the Surface] Taking the warden, why not just kill him and escape?
Dick Grayson: Maybe he likes a long lunch.

Batman: You're trapped. There's nowhere to run.
Dr. Jonathan Crane: Who said anything about running?

Barbara Gordon: Where's the Batmobile?
Batman: Destroyed.
Barbara Gordon: What?
Batman: Don't worry, Lucius made a spare.

Batman: Your choice, Cobblepot: G.C.P.D. or the morgue.
Oswald Cobblepot: Ha. Empty threats, Batman. We all know you don't kill.
Batman: I'm not feeling myself tonight.
Oswald Cobblepot: Er, um, you'll feel better tomorrow. A good night's kip can do wonders, mate.

[Scarecrow pitches Barbara off the roof of a building, but Batman catches her and glides both of them safely to the ground]
Batman: Are you hurt?
Barbara Gordon: I thought Dad killed you!
[Batman plucks Gordon's bullet from a dint in his chestplate - over the bat symbol, where the armor is thickest and strongest]
Batman: He knew what he was doing.

Batman: Barbara, Scarecrow manipulated me... I watched you die.
Barbara Gordon: He gassed you, Bruce. You don't need to worry about us, or feel responsible. We're fighting *with* you, not *for* you, okay?
Batman: It's good to have you back.

[after defeating Penguin]
Dick Grayson: So here's the part where you tell me off...
Batman: I'm proud of you, Dick.
Dick Grayson: ...Are you feeling okay?
Batman: This is the end. This is the last time we meet.
Dick Grayson: Don't talk like that, okay? This won't stop you. Nothing stops you.
Batman: Promise me you'll keep Bludhaven safe.
Dick Grayson: It's okay, Bruce, I get it. You don't want me hanging around, stealing the spotlight.
[he turns away]
Batman: Promise me.
Dick Grayson: [over his shoulder] I won't let you down.
[swings away]
Batman: I know.

[Riddler regains consciousness in the back of the Batmobile, on the way to GCPD lockup]
Edward Nigma: Where am I? What's happening to me?
Batman: You're a smart man, Edward. I'm sure you'll figure it out.


Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009) (VG)
The Joker: [on the asylum television sets] *I'm* in control of the asylum. You're not going anywhere I don't want you to. Understand?
Batman: If you think I'll let you run...
The Joker: Blah, blah, blah! Always with the hero speak! I'm getting bored of watching you. Why don't you just come find me?

Batman: [Batman finds the Joker] There's no escape, Joker! I will find you!
The Joker: Oh, I'm counting on it! Just not yet!

Commissioner Gordon: You took longer than I expected.
Batman: Joker's out of control, he's trying to prove something. I'm not sure I can stop him this time.
Commissioner Gordon: You'll do it. Listen, Batman, we're not alone. He's got someone down there...
The Joker: What a blabbermouth! Spoiling the suprise!
Batman: Be quiet.
The Joker: Am I getting to you? Am I? Good.

Batman: I'm fine. I eat punks like these for breakfast.

The Joker: [Joker has just injected himself with Titan] I can take it... I can take anything you throw at me, Bats. You can't beat me this time, I'm actually going to win! Ready for the next round?
Batman: Always.
The Joker: *What*?
Batman: I'll never let you win. *Never*!

Batman: Harley Quinn tried to slow me down. Dropped an elevator on me.
Oracle: Did it work?
Batman: Of course not.

Batman: Oracle, we've got another problem.
Oracle: [annoyed] What now? Two Face? Riddler? Some giant Joker robot?
Batman: Unfortunately nothing that simple.

Bane: I will break you, Batman, then the bruja!
Batman: No, Bane, this time I break YOU.

Batman: Tell me something, you've never let me capture you this easily. What are you really planning?
The Joker: Oh, nothing much. Hundreds dying in pain and fear, all their meaningless lives brought to a horrifying conclusion. All thanks to you and a book of matches. Was that the answer you wanted?

Batman: The Titan water appears corrosive, but it shouldn't trouble the suit.

Oracle: [reading an exchange between Dr. Young and Joker] She's begging to stop the experiment, saying it's too dangerous. Joker's not listening... random threats to her family, a couple of bad jokes... a picture of a dead baby and a threat.
Batman: Go on.
Oracle: He says "I'm coming for you. I want what I paid for." Then a joke about wheelchairs. Lovely. And a drawing of some kind of donkey.
Batman: No mystery why she's so scared. I'm heading up to the surface. I'll find her.

Batman: Oracle, I've found Dr. Young's formula.
Oracle: Great, does that mean you've stopped Joker?
Batman: It's never this simple with him.

Batman: These platforms should support me, but will also send sound waves through the water, giving away my position to Croc. I'll need to move as slowly as possible.

Commissioner Gordon: Shame about your car. Can I give you a ride?
Batman: Thanks, Jim, but I have one on the way.
Commissioner Gordon: Get some rest. You deserve it.
Dispatch: [over radio] All units, all units, the Gotham National Bank was just robbed by Harvey Dent, a.k.a. Two Face...
Batman: Stay safe, Jim.
[grapples up to the Batwing and flies away]

Batman: [after taking out Zsasz] Someone put this animal back in his cell!

The Joker: Having a little trouble up there?
Batman: Joker.
The Joker: You were expecting maybe Two Face?

The Joker: Wee! Great night for a party.
Batman: Not where you're going.
The Joker: The night is young, Bats. I still have a trick or two up my sleeve. I mean, don't you think it's a little bit funny how a fire at Blackgate caused hundreds of my crew to be moved here?
Frank Boles: I thought I told you to stay quiet!
The Joker: Oh Frankie, you really should learn to keep that fat mouth of yours shut. It'll get you into trouble.

The Joker: [to Batman] You had to spoil everything: beating up Bane, feeding Scarecrow to Croc, slapping around Harley, *my* hobby, by the way, and ruining all my lovely Venom plants!
Batman: It's over, Joker.
The Joker: Over? Why, my dear delusional Dark Knight, it hasn't even begun.

Commissioner Gordon: Bane said Dr. Young was a "bruja". What does that mean?
Batman: It's Spanish for "witch".

Oracle: [about the Joker] All police feeds are reporting he's placed bombs all over Gotham. Say's he'll detonate them if anyone sets foot on Arkham Island. It's being suppressed at the moment but the story will break any time now.
Batman: He's lying. It's just a diversion to keep people away.
Oracle: How do you know?
Batman: I know him.


Batman Begins (2005)
Jumpy Thug: [screaming] WHERE ARE YOU?
Batman: [appears upside-down behind him, whispering] Here.

Ra's al Ghul: You are just an ordinary man in a cape! That's why you couldn't fight injustice and that's why you can't stop this train!
Batman: Who said anything about stopping it?
[Ra's al Ghul looks up, confused, and sees his own sword jammed into the brake panel]
Jim Gordon: [blows up the train supports] Yes!
Batman: [reverses his grip and pins Ra's al Ghul to the floor] You never learned to mind your surroundings!

Carmine Falcone: [frantically loading his shotgun] What the hell are you?
[Batman breaks open the limo's sunroof and pulls Falcone out]
Batman: I'm Batman!
[Batman knocks Falcone out with a headbutt, then notices a bum watching him. The bum is wearing the coat Bruce gave him years ago]
Batman: Nice coat.
[Batman flies off with Falcone]
Homeless Man: Thanks.

[Batman confronts Ra's, flanked by two of his ninjas]
Batman: It ends here.
Ra's al Ghul: For you and the police, maybe. My fight, however, lies with the rest of Gotham. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to destroy.
Batman: I can't beat two of your pawns?
Ra's al Ghul: As you wish.
[two more ninjas drop down from above]

Jim Gordon: [hearing bat sounds] What is that?
Batman: Back-up.
Flass: What the...?
[bats swarm around Arkham]

Batman: [perched on the railing of a stairway behind Gordon's home] Storm's coming.
Jim Gordon: [closing the door to his kitchen where his wife and son are] The scum is getting jumpy because you stood up to Falcone.
Batman: It's a start. Your partner was at the docks with Falcone.
Jim Gordon: Well, he moonlights as a low-level enforcer.
Batman: They were splitting the shipment in two. Only half went to the dealers.
Jim Gordon: Why? What about the other half?
Batman: Flass knows.
Jim Gordon: He won't talk.
Batman: He'll talk to me.
Jim Gordon: Commissioner Loeb set up a massive task force to catch you. He thinks you're dangerous.
Batman: What do you think?
Jim Gordon: I think you're trying to help...
[Gordon looks away momentarily; upon turning back, he finds that Batman has disappeared]
Jim Gordon: But I've been wrong before.

Batman: Taste of your own medicine, doctor?
[gasses Crane with fear toxin]
Batman: What was your plan? Crane! Who are you working for?
Dr. Jonathan Crane: [terrified] ... Ra's. Ra's Al Ghul!
Batman: Ra's Al Ghul is dead. Who are you working for? Crane!
Dr. Jonathan Crane: Dr. Crane isn't here right now, but if you'd like to make an appointment...

Batman: [has laid a snare-trap which yanks Flass by his leg 70 feet into the air] Where were the other drugs going?
Flass: I never knew. I don't know. I swear to God...
Batman: Swear to *me*!
[He rapidly lowers a screaming Flass and then yanks him back up]
Flass: I don't... I don't know. I never knew. Never. They went to some guy for a couple of days before they went to the dealers.
Batman: Why?
Flass: There was something... Something else in the drugs... something hidden.
Batman: What?
Flass: I never went to the drop-off point. It was in the Narrows. Cops only go there when they're in force.
Batman: Do I look like a cop?
Flass: No...!
[rapidly lowers Flass once more before dropping him to the ground]

Batman: [meeting Gordon carrying an unconscious Rachel out of Arkham] How is she?
Jim Gordon: [handing Rachel over] She's fading. We gotta go. I'll get my car.
Batman: I brought mine.
Jim Gordon: Yours?
[Batmobile blasts out and races by]
Jim Gordon: I've gotta get me one of those.

Ra's al Ghul: [fighting Batman on the monorail, dismissively] Familiar. Don't you have anything new?
[swings sword at Batman, who catches the blade within the spurs of his gauntlets]
Batman: How about *this*?
[uncrosses his arms and pulls them outward, shattering the sword]

Batman: Falcone sent them to kill you.
Rachel Dawes: Why?
Batman: You rattled his cage.
[throws photos of Judge Faden with prostitutes]
Rachel Dawes: What's this?
Batman: Leverage.
Rachel Dawes: For what?
Batman: To get things moving.
Rachel Dawes: Who are you?
Batman: Someone like you. Someone who'll rattle the cages.

Batman: Taste of your own medicine, Doctor?

Batman: [to Alfred, after being dosed with fear gas] Blood. Take. Take poison. Blood poison. Poison. Poisonous.

Batman: [to James Gordon] Don't turn around. You're a good cop. One of the few.

Batman: [to James Gordon] Watch for my sign.

Batman: [driving the Batmobile while being chased by the police] Hold on.
Rachel Dawes: What are you doing?
Batman: Short cut.
[He turns the Tumbler and smashes through the gate of a parking garage entrance. The guy at the booth simply looks on as the police enter the garage enter him. He makes his way up to the rooftop]
Uniformed Policeman #1: Air one to ground. Block that ramp.
[Bruce backs the Tumbler into a compact parking space by pushing aside the cars in the two adjacent spaces]
Uniformed Policeman #1: He's got no way off that roof.
[One of the cops takes out his megaphone and says]
Policeman # 2: Turn off your engine! Step away from the car!
Batman: Trust me.
[presses a button]
The Tumbler: Weapon system activated.
[He fires a charge, destroying part of the concrete barrier at the edge of the roof. Then Batman accelerates the Tumbler towards the gap. As the Tumbler nears the edge, it goes into a rampless jump to scale the street. It makes its way across the rooftops]
Policeman # 3: [on the street] Who is this guy?
Policeman # 4: Where's he going?
Policeman # 3: He's on the roof.
[He looks up to see debris coming over the edge of the roof]
Policeman # 4: What street is he taking?
Policeman # 3: He's not on a street! He's flying on rooftops!
[the Tumbler jumps onto the roof of a church, destroying part of the roof as it crosses. It eventually jumps onto a highway, and takes an offramp to the lower level of Wacker Drive]

Lt. James Gordon: The Narrows is tearing itself to pieces.
Batman: This is just the beginning. If they hit the whole city with toxin, there's nothing to stop Gotham tearing itself apart through mass panic.
Lt. James Gordon: How are they gonna do that?
Batman: They'll be using the train.
[as Batman describes what will happen, we cut to a camera view following the monorail beam]
Batman: The monorail follows the water mains to the central hub beneath Wayne Tower. If they get their machine into Wayne station, it'll cause a chain reaction that'll vaporize the entire city's water supply.
Lt. James Gordon: Covering Gotham in this poison!
Batman: I'm gonna stop them from loading that train, but I may need your help.
Lt. James Gordon: What do you need?
Batman: [holds up the remote to the Tumbler] Can you drive stick?

Batman: [taps the Bat-signal] Nice.
Jim Gordon: I couldn't find any mob bosses.
Batman: Well, Sergeant?
Jim Gordon: Oh, it's Lieutenant now. You really started something. Bent cops running scared, hope on the streets.
Batman: But?
Jim Gordon: We still haven't picked up Crane or half the inmates of Arkham that he freed.
Batman: We will. We *can* bring Gotham back.
Jim Gordon: What about escalation?
Batman: Escalation?
Jim Gordon: We start carrying semi-automatics, they buy automatics. We start wearing Kevlar, they buy armor piercing rounds.
Batman: And?
Jim Gordon: And, you're wearing a mask. Jumping off rooftops. Now, take this guy.
[pulling out a file]
Jim Gordon: Armed robbery, double homicide, has a taste for the theatrical, like you. Leaves a calling card.
[shows Batman a plastic evidence bag containing a Joker card]
Batman: I'll look into it.
[turns away and walks to the edge of the roof]
Jim Gordon: I never said thank you.
Batman: [looks back at Gordon] And you'll never have to.

Batman: Well, Sergeant...
Jim Gordon: It's Lieutenant now.

[last lines]
Jim Gordon: I never said thank you.
Batman: And you'll never have to.


Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Wonder Woman: This thing, this creature, seems to feed on energy.
Superman: This thing is from another world. My world.
Wonder Woman: I've killed things from other worlds before.
Superman: [to Batman] Is she with you?
Batman: I thought she was with you.

[from trailer]
Batman: It's time you learned what it means to be a man.
Superman: Stay down! If I wanted it, you'd be dead already!

Superman: Next time they shine your light in the sky, don't go to it. The Bat is dead. Bury it. Consider this mercy.
[Superman begins to walk away]
Batman: Tell me. Do you bleed?
[Superman flies away as Batman watches on]
Batman: You will.

[Doomsday jumps in front of the Batmobile]
Batman: Oh, shit.

[Superman enters from the sky]
Batman: Well, here I am!

Batman: You're not brave. Men are brave.

Batman: It's okay, I'm a friend of your son's.
Martha Kent: [grins] I figured. The cape.

Batman: You're not brave... men are brave. You say that you want to help people, but you can't feel their pain... their mortality... It's time you learn what it means to be a man.

Batman: Whatever you do, wherever you go, I will be watching you.
Lex Luthor: But the bell's already been rung.

Anatoli Knyazev: Drop it. I said drop it! I'll kill her! Believe me, I'll do it!
Batman: I believe you.

Batman: [suffocating Superman with his foot on his throat] You were never a god. You were never even a man!
Superman: [hardly breathing] You're letting them kill Martha...
Batman: What does that mean? Why did you say that name?
Superman: Find him... Save Martha...
Batman: Why did you say that name? Martha? Why did you say that name? WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?
Lois Lane: [enters running] It's his mother's name! It's his mother's name.

Superman: Luthor. He wanted your life for her's. She's losing time.
Lois Lane: The scout ship seems to be drawing power from the city. It's gotta be Lex.
Batman: They need you at that ship. I'll find her.
Superman: My mother needs me.
Batman: [stops him] Wait. I'll make you a promise: Martha won't die tonight.

Batman: I bet your parents taught you that you mean something, that you're here for a reason. My parents taught me a different lesson, dying in the gutter for no reason at all... They taught me the world only makes sense if you force it to.

Superman: You don't understand, there's no time!
Batman: I UNDERSTAND!

[first lines]
Batman: There was a time above... a time before... there were perfect things... diamond absolutes. But things fall... things on earth. And what falls... is fallen. In the dream, it took me to the light. A beautiful lie.

Batman: Whatever you do, wherever you go, I'll be watching you!
[holds his bat-brand up to Luthor's face]
Lex Luthor: This is how it all caves in, civilization on the wane, manners out the window. But who would believe me, I... I'm insane. I'm not even fit to stand trial.
Batman: That's right. We have hospitals who treat the mentally ill with compassion...
[Lex chuckles nervously]
Batman: ...but that's not where you're going. I've arranged for you to get a transfer to Arkham Asylum in Gotham. I still have some friends there. They're expecting you.

Alfred: Master Wayne.
Batman: Alfred.
Alfred: I'm sorry for listening in but I've tracked the Russian's phone to a warehouse near the port. You're locked onto it.
Batman: I don't deserve you, Alfred.
Alfred: No, sir, you don't.


Batman & Robin (1997)
Mr. Freeze: You're not sending ME to the COOLER!
Robin: I could have made that jump!
Batman: And you could have splattered your brains all over the side of the building.
Robin: You know, in the circus, the Flying Graysons were a team. We had to trust each person to do their jobs. That's what being partners is all about. Sometimes, counting on someone else is the only way you win.
Batman: Your head wasn't even on the job. All you could think about was Poison Ivy.
Robin: You just can't stand it! Maybe she wanted me instead of you. I mean, this is your idea of friendship, isn't it, Bruce? It's your house, it's your rules, it's your way to the highway! It's Batman and Robin, not Robin and Batman, and I'm sick of it!
Batman: Yes, it's my rules. *My* rules to keep us alive, and if you want to stay in this house, and on this team, you will abide by them!
Robin: This is no partnership. You're never gonna trust me!

Batman: And you are...?
Batgirl: Batgirl.
Batman: That's not very PC. What about Batwoman, or Batperson?
Batgirl: Bruce, it's me, Barbara. I found the Batcave.
Robin: We gotta get those locks changed.
Batman: She knows who we are.
Robin: I guess we'll just have to kill her.
Batman: Yep, we'll kill her later, we've got work to do.

Ivy: There's just something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl's lips.
Batman: Why is it that all the beautiful ones are homicidal maniacs? Is it me?

Robin: [checking out the Batmobile] I want a car. Chicks dig the car.
Batman: This is why Superman works alone.

Robin: Where's the snowman?
Batgirl: Maybe he melted.
Batman: No, he's just hibernating.

[talking about Poison Ivy]
Robin: I can't believe we were fighting over a bad guy!
Batman: Bad- Yes. Guy? No.
Robin: Well I'm totally over her, alright? Positively!
Batman: Me too! Definitely!
[pause]
Batman: Great stems, though...
Robin: Buds, too.
Batman: Yeah, those were nice...

Robin: She knows who we are. Guess we'll have to kill her.
Batman: Yep, we'll kill her later. We've got work to do.

Batman: Who invited you?
Robin: I was just hanging around.
Batman: I thought you were gonna stay in the museum. Round up some thugs.
Robin: How 'bout, "Nice to see ya? Glad you're here to save my life."

Batman: [to Robin] You get the ice, I'll get the Ice Man.

Robin: Nice catch.
Batman: You break it, you buy it.

Batman: Hey, Freeze. The heat is on.

[Batman has taken beating from Bane and lies stunned on the ground. Ivy moves over to him]
Poison Ivy: [standing over Batman] There's something about an anatomically correct...
Poison Ivy: [she lies down next to him] ... rubber suit that puts *fire* in a girl's lips.
[Poison Ivy blows a cloud of lovedust in Batman's face]
Batman: [resisting] Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs? Is it me?
Poison Ivy: [smiling seductively] Enough. Sweet talk...

Batman: [Batman bids for Poison Ivy] One million dollars!
Robin: [as does Robin] Two million!
Batman: You don't have it. Three million!
Robin: I'll borrow it from you! Four million!
Batman: Five million!
Robin: That's a utility belt not a money belt. Six million.
[Batman looks at Robin and then produces something from said-belt]
Batman: [firmly] Seven million.
[it's a credit card blazed with the Bat symbol. Expiration date: FOREVER]
Batman: Never leave the cave without it!
Poison Ivy: [amused by the squabble she's caused] You two boys aren't going to start fighting over little old me, now are you?

Mr. Freeze: Uh-oh!
Batman: I'm putting you on ice.

Batman: Vengeance isn't power. Anyone can take a life.But to give life... that's true power.

Batman: Hi, Freeze. I'm Batman.
[slides down dinosaur statue]


The Lego Movie (2014)
Robot: [At the Octan loading bay] Who are you here to see?
Batman: I'm here to see... your butt!
Robot: Is that a last name Butt, first name Your...?
Robot: [Batman throws a Batarang at the Robot decapitating him] Oh, my gosh!
[Batman and Benny laugh then Batman throws another Batarangs at the gate button but fails to hit it]
Batman: Pow!
[he throws another which still doesn't hit it]
Batman: Wham!
[he throws another and misses again]
Batman: Kezap!
[he then repeatedly throws the Batarangs until it finally hits the button making it go green]
Batman: First try!

Batman: [while under attack] To the Batmobile!
[the Bad Guys shoot at the Batmobile, blowing it up]
Batman: Dang it...
Wonder Woman: To the Invisible Jet!
[the Bad Guys shoot at an empty space next to the Batmobile, causing an explosion]
Wonder Woman: Dang it...

Batman: [about Cloud Cukoo Land] I hate this place.

Batman: [to Lucy] If this relationship is going to work out between us I need to feel free to party with a bunch of strangers whenever I feel like it. I will text you.

Batman: You know, I don't want to spoil the party but, does anyone notice that we're stuck in the middle of the ocean on this couch? Do you know what kind of sunburn I'm going to get? None, 'cause I'm covered in latex, but you guys are going to get seriously fried. I mean it's not like a... like a big gigantic ship is just going to come out of nowhere and save US by gosh.

Emmet: That's the signal, but the shield is still up.
Batman: Then I guess we'll just have to wing it.
[Beat]
Batman: That's a bat pun.

Emmet: Uh, guys? We're about to crash into the sun.
Batman: Yeah, but it's gonna look really cool.

Batman: I only work in black and sometimes very, very dark grey.

Emmet: I'm just gonna come right out, I have no idea what's going on or what this place is at all.
Unikitty: Hi! I am Princess Unikitty, and I welcome you all to Cloud Cuckoo Land!
Emmet: So there are no signs on anything. How does anyone know what not to do?
Unikitty: Here in Cloud Cuckoo Land, there are no rules: There's no government, no baby sitters, no bedtimes, no frowny faces, no bushy mustaches, and no negativity of any kind.
Lucy: You just said the word "no" like a thousand times.
Unikitty: And there's also no consistency.
Batman: [the clown and the lizard man are dancing around him] I hate this place.
Unikitty: Any idea is a good idea except the non-happy ones. Those we push down deep inside where you'll never, ever, ever, EVER find them!

[after Batman flies in and saves them]
Batman: Relax, everybody, I'm here.
Emmet: Batman!
[to Lucy]
Batman: What's up, babe?
Lucy: Babe!
Emmet: What?
Lucy: Oh, sorry.
[to Batman]
Lucy: Batman, this is Emmet.
[to Emmet]
Lucy: Emmet, this is my boyfriend. Batman.
Batman: I'm Batman.
Emmet: That's your boyfriend?
[Batman swerves his aircraft to avoid getting hit by Bad Cop as he chases after them]
Emmet: Batman, huh? Where did you guys meet?
Lucy: It's actually a funny story. Right, Bat...?
[she turns to see Batman has disappeared]
Bad Cop: There he is!
Batman: Police to meet you, Bad Cop.
[Bad Cop sees Batman has landed on his vehicle]
Bad Cop: Batman! The pleasure is all mine!
[Bad Cop punches Batman, then they start fighting on top of Bad Cop's vehicle]
Batman: Guess what, you big dumb baby? Your car is a baby carriage.
[Batman transforms Bad Cop's vehicle into a baby carriage and it starts plummeting to the ground]

Batman: Guess what, you big dumb baby? Your car is a baby carriage.

Batman: First try.

Batman: This is not how Batman dies.

Batman: What're you losers talking about? Thought I'd help you guys out. Left the weird cat thing to stall.

Batman: Bruce Wayne? Uh... who's that? Sounds like a cool guy.


Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009) (V)
Batman: You're going to go and meet with him, aren't you?
Superman: You know me too well. I can't just stand back and do nothing.
Batman: Well, when it all goes south, don't count on me to save you.
Superman: I won't. I know you pretty well too.

Batman: The kryptonite is near your heart. I don't know if I'll get it before the wound closes.
Superman: Where's The Flash when you need him?
Batman: Do me a favor and lose the sense of humor.
Superman: Do us both a favor and buy one.

Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?

Superman: Mongul wasn't his usual talkative self.
Batman: And Grundy sounded like William F. Buckley.

Batman: I suppose it's useless to tell you to leave.
Superman: I wouldn't miss this for anything.
Batman: Your funeral.
Superman: Already had one.

Toyman: [of the rocket] Oh, one other thing. Back when I designed it, I was way into hero worship.
Superman: You are absolutely sure this is going to work?
Toyman: Does Power Girl have big...
Batman: Just feed it the numbers, kid.

Solomon Grundy: Grundy not feel good.
Batman: Grundy gonna feel a lot worse.
[Batman attacks Grundy]

Batman: Are you all right? Say something.
Billy Batson: Shazam.
[turns into Captain Marvel]

Batman: You sold out to Luthor.
Captain Atom: I'm doing my duty. Look, this isn't my decision to make. It's the court's.
Batman: "Court's"? This is Luthor's vendetta.
Superman: Power Girl, what do you think about all this?
Captain Atom: It doesn't matter what any of us thinks. Luthor is the president and what he says goes. Now, are you coming or not?
Superman: Not.

Batman: Tell me something, Power Girl. Now that you've been up close and personal with Luthor, how do you feel about him?
Power Girl: He's the president.
Batman: But how do you feel when you're around him?
Power Girl: He... He makes my skin crawl.
Superman: Sometimes you have to trust your instincts.
Power Girl: But how do you know when?
Batman: Now.

Batman: What did Luthor promise you? Money?
Major Force: What do I need with money? I'm living energy.
Batman: You're not going to tell me you killed him for your country, are you?
Major Force: Some of us still believe in putting our country first.
Batman: Sorry, I don't any see patriotism here. All I see is a psycho who's latched onto an excuse to kill people and who's so stupid he doesn't realize he's being used by Luthor.

Batman: Why aren't you with the boy?
Power Girl: I'm close enough right here. And he's not really that much of a boy, you know? He's 13.

Batman: Superman!
[over comlink]
Superman: A little busy at the moment
[flying Banshee into space]
Batman: When you can, bring the heat!
[Superman then uses heat vision from space to free Batman from being frozen in ice]

Superman: [looks at Metallo's burnt carcass] They must think I did this with my heat vision.
Batman: You couldn't have. Not unless your heat vision is radioactive. It's not, is it?
[guards appear, Batman brings out a batarang]
Superman: No. This way.
[grabs Batman and they fly through the ceiling]
Superman: Now I really look like a criminal.
Batman: It's done wonders for me.

Batman: You're late. What took you?
Superman: l honestly don't think you'd understand.
Batman: Lois?
Superman: Mm-hm.
Batman: You're right.


Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010) (V)
Nightwing: Packs quite the punch for a toaster on steroids, huh? Need a hand?
Batman: No.
Nightwing: Okay, well, how about I just stick around and watch?

Red Hood: Just be happy I only killed one of them. They're all assassins.
Batman: And what are you?
Red Hood: I'm cleaning up Gotham. More than you ever did.
Batman: You're stealing territory from Black Mask and killing anyone who gets in your way.
Red Hood: Black Mask is just a part of the plan.
Batman: Plan? You're becoming a crime lord!
Red Hood: Yes! You can't stop crime. That's what you never understood. I'm controlling it. You wanna rule them by fear, but what do you do with the ones who aren't afraid? I'm doing what you won't, I'm taking them out.
Batman: Tell me what happened to you. Let me help.
Red Hood: It's too late. You had your chance. And I'm just getting started.

Batman: [about Jason] Do you remember how he was when I found him?
Alfred Pennyworth: Of course, sir. Fearless, arrogant, brash and gifted.
Batman: Yes. Different than Dick in so many ways but still full of potential and power. But I knew, even from the beginning, he was dangerous. If I hadn't made into Robin, he would have grown to do wrong. Then I got him killed. My partner. My soldier. My fault. I own that. I'll carry that like everything else. But now there's this. He's taken everything I've ever taught him and turned it on me. It's a hell of a making, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, this is not your doing. You loved him. He knows that. It should be enough.
Batman: It's not.

Jason Todd: Ignoring what he's done in the past. Blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled, the thousands who have suffered, the friends he's crippled. You know, I thought... I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you that he beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would've done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death-worshiping garbage and then send him off to hell!
Batman: You don't understand. I don't think you'd ever understood.
Jason Todd: What? What, your moral code just won't allow for that? It's too hard to cross that line?
Batman: No. God Almighty, no. It'd be too damned easy. All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others, and then end him.
Joker: Awwww, so you DO think about me.
Batman: But if I do that, if I allow myself to go down into that place, I'll never come back.
Jason Todd: Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent. I'm talking about HIM, just him. And doing it because... because he took me away from you.
Batman: I can't. I'm sorry.
Joker: That is so sweet!

Batman: Who are you working for?
Thug: Nobody! Look, we just boosted the truck, and uh...
Batman: Lie to me again, and crashing into a wall head-on will be the least painful activity of your evening.

Batman: You shattered his collar bone!
Young Robin: He's a drug dealing pimp! I didn't think I had to prop up some pillows before I took him out!

Batman: [Red Hood finally removes his mask, revealing his face] Jason.
Jason Todd: Yes.
Batman: I don't wanna fight you.
Jason Todd: All evidence to the contrary.
Batman: Please,I can help you.I know what happened.
Jason Todd: Oh,you got to talking with Ra's, huh? Does it make it easier for you to think that my dip in his fountain of youth turned me rabid? Or is this just the real me?

Nightwing: You're gonna have to do better than that.
Batman: I did.
[Amazo explodes]

Batman: No! You're anything but good.

Batman: You say you want to be better than me, but it won't happen. Not like this.
[punches Red Hood through the wall]

Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, in light of all that's happened... do you want me to take it down?
[Bruce stares at Jason's uniform]
Batman: No. This doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything at all.

Red Hood: This is what it's all been about. This! You, me, him! Now is the time you decide! If you won't kill this psychotic piece of filth, I will! If you want to stop me, you're going to have to kill me!
Batman: You know I won't...
Red Hood: I'm going to blow his deranged brains out! And if you want to stop it, you are going to have to shoot me, right in my face!
Joker: This is turning out even better than I'd hoped.


Batman Forever (1995)
Batman: Commissioner Gordon?
Dr. Chase Meridian: He's at home. I sent the signal.
Batman: What's wrong?
Dr. Chase Meridian: Last night at the bank I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited.
Batman: I know. You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was... purely professional.
Batman: You trying to get under my cape, doctor?
Dr. Chase Meridian: A girl can't live by psychoses alone.
Batman: It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
Dr. Chase Meridian: [laughs] What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was boys with earrings, high school; motorcycles; college, leather jackets. Now...
[feels his suit]
Dr. Chase Meridian: Ahhh. Black rubber.
Batman: Try firemen, less to take off.
[hastens away but she follows him]
Dr. Chase Meridian: I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.
Batman: We all wear masks.
Dr. Chase Meridian: My life's an open book. You read?
Batman: I don't blend in at a family picnic.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche.
Batman: Direct, aren't you?
Dr. Chase Meridian: You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?
Batman: I haven't had that much luck with women.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.

[first lines]
Alfred Pennyworth: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?
Batman: I'll get drive-thru.

[upon reaching Claw Island]
Robin: Holey rusted metal, Batman!
Batman: Huh?
Robin: The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey.
Batman: Oh.

The Riddler: Why? Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.
Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman, not because I have to be, now, because I choose to be.

Batman: I read your work. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.
Dr. Chase Meridian: I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table.

Dr. Chase Meridian: He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.
Batman: Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim...
Dr. Chase Meridian: - in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.
Batman: Exactly.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Like you. - Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.
Batman: Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.

The Riddler: Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist? We'll find out today! But first, let's meet our contestants! Behind curtain number one...
[the Riddler reveals Chase Meridian tied up and hung in a container high up in the room]
The Riddler: The absolute fabulous Dr. Chase Meridian. She enjoys hiking, getting her nails done, and foolisihly hopes to be the love of Bruce's life! And behind curtain number two...
[the Riddler reveals an identical container nearby Chase's. This one has Robin tied up]
The Riddler: Batman's one and only partner. This acrobat-turned orphan likes Saturday morning cartoons and one day dreams being...
The Riddler: [whispers] ... bare naked with a girl!
The Riddler: And below these contestants... my personal favorite. A watery grave!
[the Riddler reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers]
The Riddler: [points to his scepter] Just one little touch, and you're two friends are *gull feed* on the rocks below. Not enough time to save them both. Which will it be, Batman? Bruce's love or the Dark Knight's junior partner?
[the Riddler imitates a game show timer while Batman ponders in thought]
Batman: There is no way for me to save them or myself. This is all one giant death trap.
The Riddler: Judges?
The Riddler: [makes a buzzer noise] I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question. But thank you for playing.
[the Riddler begins to push the button on his scepter]
Batman: Wait! I have a riddle for you!
The Riddler: For me? Really? Tell me.
Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
The Riddler: Please! You're as blind as a bat!
Batman: Exactly.
[throws a batarang at his throne]

Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
The Riddler: Please! You're as blind as a bat!
Batman: Exactly.
[throws a batarang at his throne]

The Riddler: [after being defeated] Why? Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.
Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman. Not because I have to be. Now... because I choose to be.
[holds out his hand. The Riddler backs away as he sees a bat]
The Riddler: AAAAHHH! AHHHHGH! AAAAGH!

Batman: I guess we're all two people.

Robin: I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.
Batman: A man's got to go his own way. A friend taught me that.
Robin: Not just a friend.
[extends his hand]
Batman: A partner.
[shakes it]

The Riddler: By the way, I've seen your mind. Freak! Yours is the greatest riddle of all! Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist? We'll find out today! But first, let's meet our contestants. Behind curtain... number one!
[Sugar pulls the rope, the curtain drops and reveals Chase Meridian tied up and hung in a container high up in the room]
The Riddler: The absolutely fabulous Dr. Chase Meridian! She enjoys hiking, manicures and foolishly hopes to be the love of Bruce's life... HA!
Two-Face: [clapping his hands] Heh!
The Riddler: And behind curtain number two!
[Spice pulls the rope, another curtain drops and reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers]
The Riddler: Fatman's one and only partner! This acrobat turned orphan like Saturday morning cartoons and dreams one day being...
[whispers]
The Riddler: ... bare naked with a girl!
[Two-Face gasps and The Riddler turns to him, laughs]
The Riddler: and below these contestants... my personal favorite: A watery grave!
[He reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers and he points to his scepter]
The Riddler: Just one little touch... and five seconds later, these two date players are GULL FEED on the rocks below... Not enough time to save them both... Which one will it be, Batman? Bruce's love... or the Dark Knight's junior partner?
[He imitates a game show timer while Batman ponders in thought]
Batman: There is no way for me to save them or myself... This is all one giant death trap.
The Riddler: Judges?
[makes a buzzer noise]
The Riddler: I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question. But, thank you for playing.
[He begins to push the button on his scepter]
Batman: Wait! I have a riddle for you.
The Riddler: For me?... Really?
[laughing]
The Riddler: Tell me.
Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
The Riddler: Please... You're as blind as a bat!
Batman: Exactly.
[throws a batarang at his throne]


"Super Friends: The Shamon U (#1.6)" (1973)
Batman: What does it look like?
Marvin: Well, uh... it looks like, uh, a U.
Superman: It looks like Batman?

Batman: There's a little matter of a mountain in our path.

Robin: [shooting backwards] Whoever turned off that magnet kept us from crashing into the mountain.
Batman: Now it's up to us to keep from crashing into the valley.

Batman: Probably climbed the mountain.
Robin: To see what they could see?
Batman: They may see more than they can handle.

Marvin: We thought you were a couple of owls.
Batman: Will you settle for a couple of bats?

Batman: A very astute deduction, Teen Wonder.

Superman: Shall we have our wrap session with the good doctor?
Batman: Do we need an appointment?

Batman: If this is a yeti, it's a rare creature. For the sake of science I'd like to capture it alive.

Batman: Calling Superman; Caped Crusader calling the Man of Steel.

Batman: Wendy, that was an example of super brainwork.
Mme. LeBone: Gentlemen!
Wonder Woman: [bursts out of the lab with her] We have something.
Mme. LeBone: There is a way to cancel out the dangerous effects of Shamonite.
Wonder Woman: We find certain radiation can change its atomic structures.
Batman: And it involves radiation found in sunlight.
Wonder Woman: [exchanges a look with Mme. LeBone] Yes. Who told you that?
Batman: A bright young lady named Wendy.

Batman: Incredible as it may seem, Marvin, you're right about one thing.

Aquaman: Great Neptune!
Superman: Great Scot!
Batman: Great blazes!


Holy Musical B@man! (2012) (TV)
Batman: There's no God up here... only Batman!

Superman: Fuck you!
Batman: FUCK YOU!

Batman: You look cool in your tights... for an alien dick!

Batman: I'm Bruce Man - fuck! I'm Bat Wayne - fuck! Can I start over? I'm Batman - fuck! I'm Bruce Wayne.

Batman, Robin: A juicebox! And make it a Mott's goddammit!

Batman: You got my hopes up so high... and then you mugged and shot them in an alleyway.

Batman: [Accepts ring from Superman] Thanks I'll give this to Lois Lane tonight... after I naked her.

Robin: Look Batman! A dog!
Batman: Quick Robin, pet it!

Batman: I'm a big bat, but a tiny pterodactyl.

Batman: Bills, bills bills- hey! What's this? It's a letter from Spiderman! I bet it's about that lousy-ass slow plane that I sent him. Let's take a look. "Dear Bats, thanks for the offer but I won't be able to take the plane off your hands, I don't have any place to... stick it."
[laughs]
Batman: "Love, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman. PS I'm a huge fan, I follow you on the web."
[laughs]
Batman: Wow. What a sweetheart. This is going up on the Batfridge. Quick O'Malley, to the Batfridge!

Batman: Batman loves the circus.

Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, Robin, Commissioner Gordon, Candy, Alfred, Sweet Tooth, Vicki Vale, Catwoman: Rogues are we! / We're like long lost brothers who found each other and love each other like family / No more dark, sad, lonely, Batman!
[last lines]


The Batman Superman Movie: World's Finest (1997) (TV)
[Superman uses x-ray vision to see that Batman is really Bruce Wayne]
Superman: Bruce Wayne!
Batman: You peeked.

[Joker's plane crashes into the sea and explodes]
Harley Quinn: Puddin'!
Batman: At this point, he probably is.

Batman: Where's the Joker?
Binko: Who knows? Makin' ha-ha with Harley Quinn.

[Batman holds up a small sliver of Kryptonite to Superman, who buckles]
Batman: It doesn't take much, does it?

[Batman encourages a Kryptonite-dazed Superman]
Batman: Snap out of it, Kent, or Joker gets the last laugh.

[Batman and Lois Lane are pursued by a deadly robot]
Batman: How do I contact Superman?
Lois Lane: He's out at sea!
Batman: Never around when you need him.

Batman: It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about.
Superman: Too bad we can't mix-and-match.

[Batman puts on his cowl, ready to leave. Lois Lane walks in]
Lois Lane: Oh, no.
Batman: Has to be done.
Lois Lane: I don't suppose a stern lecture on unnecessary risk-taking is going to sway you.
Batman: Sorry.
Lois Lane: I didn't think so. Just be...
[Batman is gone]
Lois Lane: ... careful.

Superman: Luthor's been lining all his buildings with lead. Blocks my X-ray vision.
Batman: Well, there's always the direct approach.
[Superman smashes through the wall. Batman approves]
Batman: You're learning.

Superman: Thanks. I couldn't have saved Lois without your help.
Batman: I'm aware of that.

Batman: Expect the unexpected.


Batman: Vengeance (2001) (VG)
Batman: Any evidence that Mary could come up with five million dollars?
Batgirl: No way. That's insane.
Batman: Joker's insane. But not stupid. He must know something about Mary we don't.

Batgirl: Where are you going?
Batman: Funnybones Warehouse.
Batgirl: What are you looking for?
Batman: I don't know.
Batgirl: Every cop in the city is looking for you...
Batman: The police are looking for Batman. He's not going.

Harley Quinn: Murderer.
Batman: Harley...
Harley Quinn: No. Leave me alone. I'm through.
[she backs away from the Batman]
Harley Quinn: No more love. No more crime. No more nothing. I'm through...
[sobs]

Batman: Joker.
the Joker: Heck of a joke, huh, Bats?
Batman: Hilarious. What's the punch-line?
the Joker: Hmph. Some detective. Here's the joke: I'm not dead, and Gotham is. The punch-line: It's all YOUR fault, Batsy.
Batman: The gasworks. The Prometheum. It was all you.
the Joker: That was me, but... Small potatoes. I wanted help, if I wanted to murder a whole city.
Batman: Harley.
the Joker: Sure. Harley had you wrapped around her little... whatever... But I needed more! But I needed more! That's where you came in.
Batman: The gasworks.
the Joker: Ooh. Nice work with that one, Bats. Opening up those valves did wonders for this little "Burning Down Gotham" idea I've been kicking around.
Batman: But what about Ivy?
the Joker: Hah! I've met yams with a higher IQ than that wenchtable! But it was the quietest way to make as much Joker Toxin as I needed...
Batman: And the Prometheum?
the Joker: Well that's the burning question, isn't it?

Batgirl: Did you find anything?
Batman: All I know is that the Joker's not dead, and if we don't find him soon, he'll be the only one in Gotham who's not.

Batgirl: I've managed to find the tracking device you gave to Harley when she was wrapped up in her Mary act. Somebody's tagged it on the Mayor, and I just saw him give some big heavy in a trench coat a huge case of money.
Batman: The Mayor? What's he buying?
Batgirl: I don't know... Wait. Trench coat's just got on a north-bound El-Train. I'm tailing him...
[Silence]
Batgirl: Oh-NO! Batman, I need back-up - NOW! They - They're not even human...!

Batman: You're going to Arkham.
The Joker: Huh, in a coffin or not at all.

Batman: Any news about Harley?
Batgirl: None. She hasn't come out of Funnybone's warehouse since that night on Gotham Bridge. She's acting as though the Joker's really... dead.

Batgirl: He was working on some kind of miracle drug called Prometheum. But he lost federal funding. They said Prometheum was too unstable.
Batman: Unstable? How?
Batgirl: I'm not sure, but unstable enough to cause the government to cut funding for his research. This is where it gets interesting. After that, every increase in Evers' bank account was preceded by a major bank-job by the Joker.
Batman: Joker was funding Evers' research?
Batgirl: He's done stranger things.
Batman: Not without a punchline. Keep me posted.

Batman: Isaac Evers?
Dr. Isaac Evers: Please! I didn't want it to go this far!
Batman: You! This is your show! You're the one trying to burn down the city!
Dr. Isaac Evers: No! Not the city! I never wanted to hurt anyone!
Batman: It's a little late for that.
Dr. Isaac Evers: It was an insurance scam! I just wanted to burn down Gotham Industrial! After Freeze destroyed my lab, I tried to collect for the damages, but I couldn't without revealing the names of my financial backers.
Batman: And you couldn't do that because the Joker was funding you. So you decided to burn it all. You hired the Joker's men and used the Joker's toys to throw the cops off your trail.
Dr. Isaac Evers: It was all I had left to do. But the clowns stopped listening to me. I can't control them anymore. They tied me up; they were trying to burn down the whole city! I swear, I never wanted to hurt anybody.
[Batman is silent]

Batman: [after rescuing Mary from Joker's cronies] Joker's after you.
Mary: [agitated] He's got my... he took my...
Batman: Toby?
Mary: [shouting] Yes, Toby! He took my son! He says he'll kill him if I don't pay $5 million! I don't have that type of money!
Batman: Are you sure he has the boy?
Mary: [giving Batman a pocketknife with Toby's name on it] He sent this. He said if I didn't believe him... he'd... oh!
Batman: [gives Mary tracker] Here. Press the button if you're ever in trouble


"Justice League: The Once and Future Thing Part Two: Time, Warped (#3.13)" (2005)
Old Bruce Wayne: Surprised to see me?
Batman: A little. I'm more surprised I lived so long.
Future Batman: Batman, Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne, Batman. Or have you met?
Old Bruce Wayne, Batman: [At the same time] Not now!
Future Batman: Great. What did they used to call it? Stereo?

Green Lantern: Green Lanterns have a legend, no one can see the beginning of time. It's a universal law.
Batman: Write him a ticket!

Batman: [Dangling Ghoul off the side of a building] Where's Chronos? My arm's getting tired.
Old Bruce Wayne: I can't believe I was ever that green.
[pulls Ghoul in and slowly approaches him]
Old Bruce Wayne: THIS is how you interrogate someone.

Warhawk: This is a little weird for everybody. I'm Warhawk, Rex Stewart.
Green Lantern: Your mother, who is she?
Warhawk: Kinda obvious, don't ya think?
Batman: Even if it isn't, leave it be. You don't wanna know too much of your future.
Future Batman: Trust me, you really don't.
Static: Shayera was one cranky pregnant lady. Although to be fair, if I'd laid an egg that size...
[Lantern looks shocked]
Warhawk: He's kidding, Dad.

Ghoul: [Being interrogated] ... And we've got 9,453 active Jokerz organized into about 200 smaller groups. I dunno where Chronos is, he contacts us! He spends every night in a different one of those old buildings. There's no way of knowing ahead of time where he's gonna be. And that's everything I know!
Old Bruce Wayne: Everything?
Ghoul: ...I wet my bed until I was 14.
Static: Losing my patience.
Batman: I can't control my friend here much longer. You'd better give us something we can use.
Ghoul: His wife! I know where his wife is!
Static: Wow... Batman playing "good cop."
Green Lantern: Everything's relative.

Future Batman: We need to find Chronos.
Static: How? He could be anywhere.
Batman: Sometimes the old ways are best.
Future Batman: It's not gonna work. You don't know your way around here. A lot of things have changed.
Batman: Are criminals still superstitious and cowardly?
Old Bruce Wayne: Yep.
Batman: Good enough for me.

Ghoul: You're supposed to be the real Batman, right? I mean, the first one. I've seen history cubes about you. Hard to believe somebody stupid as you ever beat the Joker.
Batman: Maybe I'm smarter than I look.

John Stewart: Enid Clinton, we've got...
[John Stewart suddenly phases into Hal Jordan]
Hal Jordan: ...business with your husband... What?
Static: John?
Hal Jordan: Hal Jordan. Another time shift. I'm up to speed, carry on.
Future Batman: Okay, I'm starting to get a migraine.
Batman: We'd better get used to it. This is going to get worse before it gets better. Any one of us could change or even cease to exist.
Hal Jordan: That's why you have to tell us where to find David. We just want to undo the harm he's caused. You have my word, we'll do everything within our power to keep from hurting him.
Enid Clinton: Between you and me, I wouldn't mind one bit if he got roughed up along the way.

Warhawk: If we don't beat this guy, it's the end of everything.
Future Batman: We've been there before.
Warhawk: Not like this. What are you supposed to do when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?
Green Lantern: [puts his hand on Warhawk's shoulder] Plant your feet.

Future Batman: Time is running out. Literally.


Injustice: Gods Among Us (2013) (VG)
The Joker: Smile!
Batman: I am smiling.

Batman: [First Lines] The nuke, where'd you get it?
The Joker: Why, you want one? Copy bat.
[as Batman grabs The Joker, Superman bursts into the Interrogation room]
Superman: Get away from him!
Batman: I'm handling this.
Superman: [Slowly approaches The Joker, pushes the table aside and pins The Joker to the wall] You drugged me! Made me... Lois... my son.
The Joker: First Krypton, now Metropolis. People you love tend to blow up, don't they?
[Superman raises his fist to The Joker]
Batman: Superman, don't!
[Superman Punches the wall right next to The Joker's head]
The Joker: That's why I like you, Superman. You are more gullible than...
[Looks towards Batman, then Superman tosses The Joker to the other wall]
The Joker: You think you can have a family. That locking me up would *magically* reform me, and they'll be safe.
[Sits back down]
The Joker: So big. So dumb. Now run along so I can break out of here. I got lots of planning to do to top this.
[Superman grabs The Joker by his neck]
Batman: That's enough!
[Walks towards Superman to stop what he's doing, but Superman pushes Batman aside]
The Joker: I know it's soon, but... think you'll ever love again? Maybe you won't kill your next family
[Superman's eyes glow and then punches The Joker in the stomach, killing him]

Green Arrow: [while fighting Nightwing] He took you in, trained you. Sure, he can be an uptight jerk, but you abandoned him for Superman?
Nightwing (II): [Knocks down Green Arrow] I'm not Dick Grayson.
Batman: [Coming in] This is Damian Wayne.
Green Arrow: Wayne?
Nightwing (II): His son.
[Batman pushes Nightwing aside]
Nightwing (II): But Superman's been more of a father than you ever were.
Batman: You stopped being my son when you killed Dick Grayson. *He* was my son.
[Defeating him in a fight]
Batman: You're dead to me.

Batman: Those eyes. Pure evil, just like his.
The Joker: Who, Superman? His buddies took Batman. My Batman. Our Batman.
Batman: Quiet, or I'll leave you for the police.
The Joker: Then why did you save me from them?

Batman: You push that button and eight million die.
The Joker: Eight million and two die. I was going to enjoy the fireworks from a safe distance, but now that you're here, what say we have one last dance.

Scorpion: You are no Sub-Zero!
Batman: I'm Batman.

Batman: Overgrown gorilla.
Solomon Grundy: Me Grundy, not Grodd!

Batman: The calm before the storm.
Aquaman: And here's the storm!

Batman: Wrong Move!
Lobo: I Never Move Wrong!

Batman: I know your moves!
Scorpion: As if it matters!


Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox (2013) (V)
Batman: Never seen anything like it. Your burns are healing. You should be dead.
Barry Allen: Your bedside manners sucks. If I didn't have the Speed Force helping me heal, I'd find another doctor.
Batman: I run a casino. Haven't been a doctor for 20 years.

[hands Professor Zoom's costume to Barry]
Batman: Here. You need a suit, and I'm not about to loan you one of mine. What? It's friction-proof, isn't it?
The Flash: [changes Zoom's suit into The Flash] I had to at least make some last-minute alterations.

The Flash: Why aren't you telling him about me and the timeline?
Batman: I'm not lying.
The Flash: You're misleading him. He has a right to know what our real plan is.
Batman: Don't preach to me. I got enough misplaced morality to handle the big metal Boy Scout on our hands. He wants to stop the war. So do we. That's all he needs to know.

The Flash: Bruce's Batplane was a little more stoic.
Batman: Your Batman didn't have to ferry high rollers with deep pockets in and out of his casino.
Cyborg: So he wouldn't need a fully stocked bar aboard.
Batman: Everything is top shelf. Help yourself.
Cyborg: I don't drink.
The Flash: Shocking.

Grifter: I like your style, Batman. A pity we never teamed up when the world still existed.
Batman: Batman and Grifter, the boy idiot.

Professor Zoom: As long as I can siphon off the Speed Force, you can't escape this timeline. I'm afraid there just isn't enough Speed Force to go around.
Batman: [shoots Zoom in the head] There is now.
The Flash: You killed him.
Batman: Not necessarily. Not if you go back in time and fix this. The only way to save the world is to keep this from ever happening.

Batman: Judge Dent was kidnapped last night. Where did the Joker take him?
Yo-Yo: Even if I did know, it wouldn't do you any good, Bats. He's probably already dead.
Batman: Then so are you.
[Batman throws Yo-Yo off the roof]

Batman: You should've let her hit the pavement.
Cyborg: You shouldn't have thrown her.
Batman: She slipped.

Cyborg: You can't just turn your back on this, Batman. Not when we've got a chance to stop this war and save the world.
Batman: War's over, soldier. You just don't know it yet. Everybody lost.

[last lines]
Batman: [to The Flash] You're one hell of a messenger. Thank you.


Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000) (V)
Jordan Price: You! Where's Amy?
Dee Dee: Missed the boat, I'm afraid!
[Price looks out the window and sees Amy tied to a pole]
Jordan Price: Turn the yacht around!
Chucko: Detox, bossman. We're here to talk business.
Ghoul: We'll be quick. Woof gets seasick easy.
[Woof walks in front of Ghoul looking nauseous]
Jordan Price: Our business is concluded.
[Batman flies to the window of the yacht and puts his finger on the window to listen in]
Jordan Price: I gave you the security codes so you could ransack the lab while those bunglers tried to kill Wayne.
Chucko: Word is Wayne's terminal anyhow.
Dee Dee: That means you get to stay top dog.
Dee Dee: And everyone's happy.
Jordan Price: So why are you here?
Chucko: The big guy who put us all in contact has decided you're a loose end.
Ghoul: And loose ends should be tied up.
Ghoul: [Jordan Price, seeing that they want to kill him, heads for the door, Woof gets in the way and sends Jordan Pryce to the opposite wall with a jump kick. Ghoul then handcuffs him to a table]
[Through an intercom]
Ghoul: Got him!
The Joker: Then amscray pronto, kiddies.
[Pushes a button on a control panel and you see a 30 second timer show on the panel]
The Joker: Things are going to start popping.
Chucko: Let's go!
Batman: [Batman breaks in through a window] No one's leaving until I get answers.
Chucko: [Ghoul breaks open another window with his pumpkin. Woof growls and prepares to attack, but Chucko stops him by giving him a light tug on the ear] No, you idiot, not now!
[They all jump out the window with Batman peering out and sees them leaving on hover cars, he is about to chase them when he sees a blue light appear from above. He runs back into the room]
Jordan Price: They're getting away!
[Batman breaks the handcuffs]
Batman: Yeah. And I think they've got a good reason.

[after his interview with Drake]
Batman: Were all of you that bitter when you left?
Barbara Gordon: Comes with the territory, McGinnis. Look up Nightwing someday, has he got stories.

[Woof confronts Batman, cackling]
Batman: Ace?
[Ace rears out of the Batmobile, growling, and pounces on Woof, biting and clawing. Woof retreats in terror]
Batman: Good bad dog.

Bonk: You got a death wish, Bats!
Batman: And here I thought I was just being a good citizen.

[while Bonk is choking Terry on the top of a speeding glider, Terry looks up and chokes something out]
Batman: [choked] Flag pole.
Bonk: What did you say?
Batman: [clearly] Flag pole.
[Bonk looks up and yells, just in time to get scraped off the glider's roof by a flag pole]

[to the Joker]
Terry McGinnis/Batman: Let's dance, Bozo.

The Joker: You're out of your league, McGinnis. I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peaks.
Terry McGinnis/Batman: Maybe, but you don't know a thing about me.
The Joker: You? What's to know? You're a punk, a rank amateur, a costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man.
[rolls up his sleeves]
The Joker: Still, if it's a whuppin' you're a-wantin'...
[Batman runs towards the factory door]
The Joker: That's right. Better to run and save yourself. It's about your speed.
Terry McGinnis/Batman: [Batman pushes the lever upwards to close the door and then breaks off the lever and turns to face The Joker] Let's dance, Bozo.

Jordan Price: They're getting away!
Batman: Yeah, and I think they've got a good reason!

Batman: He's tough. Any suggestions, boss?
Bruce Wayne: Joker's vain and likes to talk, he'll try to distract you, but don't listen. Block it out and power on through.
Batman: Wait... I like to talk, too.


Justice League: War (2014) (V)
Green Lantern: They don't like us much.
Batman: The world's afraid of us.
Green Lantern: You say that like it's good thing.
Batman: It's necessary.

Green Lantern: As I was saying, Green Lantern can do anything.
Batman: Except shut up, apparently.
Green Lantern: Wow, someone forgot to take their True Blood tonight.
Batman: I'm not a vampire.
Green Lantern: Seriously? I thought it was the darkness and the vanishing, and the, what, super strength?
Batman: No.
Green Lantern: Can you fly?
Batman: In a plane.
Green Lantern: Wait, you're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me? What, nobody asked you to prom so you now dress as a bat and prowl around your parents' basement?

[Batman removes the ring from Green Lantern, he changes back to Hal]
Batman: What's this do?
Green Lantern: Huh?
Batman: No buttons. I assume it works off concentration.
Hal Jordan: How did you do that?
Batman: You weren't concentrating.
Green Lantern: [puts ring back on and changes back] You won't do that again.
Batman: Unless I want to.

Green Lantern: Flash, my boy. Great to see you. Oh, yeah, and that's Batman.
The Flash: Batman's real?
Green Lantern: Yeah, he's over there.
The Flash: Wait, what? It is a real honor to meet you, sir, Batman. Sir, Batman, sir. Ahem.
Green Lantern: Don't bother. That guy's a total tool.
Batman: I followed your efforts in Central City, Flash. You do tight, efficient work.
Green Lantern: Hey, Barry, you, uh, got a little something on your nose.

Green Lantern: Out of my way, Batman.
Batman: Your arm is broken, you idiot.
Green Lantern: I can handle this. Get out of my way.
Batman: You're gonna die.
Green Lantern: Then I die.
Batman: What are you trying to prove?
Green Lantern: I'm not trying to prove anything, you phenomenal douche bag. Don't act like you know me. You don't.
Batman: We're just somewhat alike.
Green Lantern: We are nothing alike.
Batman: We're fighting alongside an alien, an Amazon, a human lightning bolt, a cyborg and a speedster. As far as I can tell, Hal, you and I are the only normal people here.
Green Lantern: I never told you my name.
Batman: Saw it on your flight suit.
Green Lantern: You're pretty south of normal, spooky. You know that, right?
Bruce Wayne: [removes his cowl and cape] My name is Bruce Wayne. When I was 10, my parents were murdered in front of my eyes. I've spent my life training to fight the same sort of criminals that took them from me. But this, this is different. This isn't about me.
Green Lantern: Uh, you're telling me this why?
Bruce Wayne: This is bigger than I am and it's bigger than you are. Get out of your own way. Focus on what's important here. Everyone else. Regroup with the others.
Green Lantern: And do what exactly?
Bruce Wayne: You're loud. They'll listen to you if you got something to say. Try to at least sound smart.

Green Lantern: Costume? This is my uniform.
Batman: Quiet.
Green Lantern: Oh, you wanna bark orders, after I did the heavy lifting and pulled everyone together?
Batman: You're referring to when you botched simple directives and Wonder Woman led the charge?
Green Lantern: Cyborg showed you a video?
Batman: He e-mailed it to me.
Green Lantern: I really hate you, Bats.

President: These super-friends use their super-powers to protect us.
Green Lantern: And we're not friends either.
Batman: We let them think we're both.
Green Lantern: Why?
Batman: It'll keep Gothan P.D. off my back, the Air Force off yours.

Shazam: I don't know, a team? I've got a lot of responsibilities.
Wonder Woman: As do I.
Green Lantern: Well, I have a whole universe to protect, people, so there you go.
The Flash: Come on, we can do it together.
Green Lantern: Yeah? Can you fly in space?
Superman: I can.
Green Lantern: Not my point. Look, we're not friends. We're not a team.
The Flash: I don't agree, Hal. I kind of like of being a part of something.
Green Lantern: Yeah, you would. Listen, this was just a one-time deal, okay?
Batman: And what if something should happen again?
Green Lantern: Please, what could possible happen?

Green Lantern: This guy's gonna kill us.
Batman: No he won't. You bruise. But you don't kill. Do you... Clark?
Superman: [Superman stops] You've made your point...
[Superman uses his X-Ray vision on Batman]
Superman: Bruce Wayne.
Green Lantern: Who the Hell is "Bruce Wayne?"


Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (2010) (V)
Batman: All right, Flash. Beginning test run.
Flash: I don't know, Batman. This is pretty radical. You're absolutely sure it works?
Batman: Pretty sure.
Flash: Pretty sure? That isn't...
[Batman teleports Flash aboard new headquarters]
Flash: ...good enough.
Batman: Teleporter's online.
Flash: Are you crazy? Is he crazy? How could he use that thing on me if the wasn't sure?
J'onn J'onzz: He was joking.
Flash: Yeah, how can you tell?
Wonder Woman: You really think he would risk your life if he wasn't sure?
Flash: Well, maybe. I mean, I don't think he likes me very much.
J'onn J'onzz: I don't think he likes anyone very much.

Superman: I owe you an apology about this mission. You were right.
Batman: We were both right.
Superman: Still, more help around here wouldn't be a bad idea.
Batman: I'm glad you agree. I've been thinking about a membership drive.

Superwoman: Stay down. You're outnumbered.
Batman: Count again.
[teleports more Justice League members aboard]
Firestorm: You guys are in trouble.
Batman: Take them.

Batman: Careful, Aquaman. They're stronger than you are.
Aquaman: That remains to be seen.

Batman: You're insane.
Owlman: Does it really matter? There are alternate versions of me that you would find quite charming.

Owlman: From what I gather, we are very much alike. Everything about you tells the tale. Your attitude, your costume, your tactics... they all scream of outrage, despair, vengeance. What terrible wrong was done to set you on this path? It doesn't really matter. Nothing matters.
Batman: What are you planning to do, talk me to death?
Owlman: Actually...
[throws punches on Batman]
Owlman: I thought I'd beat you to death.

Batman: [to Owlman] There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us, you blinked.

Johnny Quick: Did we save the world, then?
Batman: We did.
Johnny Quick: And all that rubbish about me being faster than Flash? You knew this was gonna happen. Good one, mate.

Batman: If we're really alike, you know this is wrong. You must have been a good man, once.
Owlman: No. Not good. Never good. After all, I'm only human.


Batman Returns (1992)
The Penguin: Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.
Batman: You're not the mayor.
The Penguin: Things change.

Batman: What do you want?
The Penguin: Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask.
[laughs, then turns serious]
The Penguin: You don't really think you'll win, do you?
Batman: Things change.
[Catwoman backflips into the middle of the confrontation. They stare at her, momentarily nonplussed]
Catwoman: Meow.
[a store explodes, she slips off]
The Penguin: I saw her first... gotta fly!

The Penguin: You're just jealous, because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!
Batman: You might be right.

Catwoman: Somebody say fish? I haven't be fed all day!
Batman: Eat floor.
[throws Catwoman down]
Batman: High fiber.

[Catwoman is hit]
Catwoman: How could you? I'm a woman.
Batman: I'm sorry, I-I...
[she hits him]
Catwoman: As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch, now so am I.

[crouched atop a dazed Batman]
Catwoman: You're catnip to a girl like me. Handsome, dazed, and to die for.
Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Catwoman: But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it. You're the second man who killed me this week, but I've got seven lives left.
Batman: I tried to save you.
Catwoman: Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead... or deeply resentful. Maybe you should retire.

[the Batmobile is evading the police. Batman flips a switch on the control panel, and nothing happens]
Batman: That's funny.
[Flips switch again. Nothing happens]
Batman: Alright, NOW I'm a little worried.
[Slaps control panel; Batmobile morphs into the Batmissile]

Commissioner Gordon: Thanks for the saving the day, Batman. I'm afraid the circus gang is back.
Batman: We'll see.

Alfred: Why are you still out? Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person?
Batman: I think he knows who his parents are. There's something else.


"Batman: Batman Displays His Knowledge (#2.50)" (1967)
Robin: Holy bijoux!
Batman: That's very good, Robin, 'bijoux', French for jewel.
Robin: Hmm, thank you, Batman.

Robin: [after escaping from yet another life-threatening situation] I don't know how we do it, Batman.
Batman: What do you mean?
Robin: The way we get into these scrapes and get out of them. It's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations - guiding our destiny.
Batman: Things like that only happen in the movies, Robin. This is real life.
Robin: I guess you're right.
Batman: Let's go.

Batman: So you didn't tell the truth!
Catwoman: Did you ever hear of a crook who did?

Batman: You're very beautiful, Catwoman.
Catwoman: Yes... you're quite right, I am...

Catwoman: You're supposed to fall on the floor.
Batman: You're attractive, Catwoman, but not that attractive.

Batman: Out of the mouths of Boy Wonders oft times come gems.

[Batman has been lured into a trap by Catwoman]
Batman: The odds are about right. Four against one...
Robin: [Robin appears out of nowhere] Four against two Batman!
Batman: Robin!
Robin: I couldn't resist. You were taken in by her, but I'm too young for that sort of thing.

Catwoman: Batman, let's throw caution to the wind. I mean after all we are two adult human beings and we're both interested in the same thing. Happiness. I can give you more happiness than anyone in the world.
Batman: How do you propose to do that?
Catwoman: By being your partner in life. I mean it's you and me against the world.
Batman: What about Robin?
Catwoman: I'll have him killed. Painlessly. Well he is a bit of a bore with his 'holy this' and 'holy that'.

Batman: It's the propinquity
[nearness]
Batman: of you.
Catwoman: I don't know what that means, Batman.


The Lego Batman Movie (2017)
Batman: So anyway when you're as super as me you don't just get one trailer, you get two trailers in one week, check this out.

Batman: [from trailer] Hey mom, hey dad, I um, I saved the city again today, I think you would have been really proud.

Alfred Pennyworth: Were you looking at the old family pictures again?
Batman: No, I wasn't!
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, I have seen you go through similar phases in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1966.
Batman: I have aged phenomenally

Batman: We're not? Alfred, what did I say? Always Be Recording!

Batman: [from trailer] I deserve this today, today I deserve it.
[eats lobster]

[from trailer]
Batman: Hey, Puter, I'm home.
[echos]
Computer: Welcome home, sir. Initializing Batcave music. So, did anything exciting happened today?
Batman: I saved the city again. It was off the chain. Anyway, I should probably have some grub.
Computer: Alfred left your lobster thermidor in the fridge.
Batman: Oh, that's my favorite. I can't wait.
[Batman puts the lobster in the microwave, and mistakenly sets it up for 20 minutes]
Batman: Not 20 minutes. Stupid.
[He sets it up for 2 minutes and presses the start button as the microwave heats up Batman's lobster for 2 minutes]

[from trailer]
Batgirl: Why did you build this thing with only one seat?
Batman: Because last I checked I only had one butt

[from trailer]
Robin: What?
[Sees batave]
Robin: It's the batcave! Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygooo!
[Bumps into batman]
Robin: batman, woah!
Batman: You're darn right woah!
Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?
Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in batman's attic.

Batman: [from trailer]
[Kicks Alfred into piano]
Batman: Alfred, I am so sorry. I have incredible reflexes.
Alfred Pennyworth: I should have known better than to sneak up on you master Bruce


Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 (2012) (V)
Rookie Cop: You're under arrest, mister. You just crippled that man.
Batman: He's young. He'll walk again.
Batman: [to Femur] But you'll stay scared, won't you, punk?

Batman: You try to hold me back, but you're weak. You know it in your soul. You're nothing but a hollow shell. A rusty trap. The time has come.

Harvey Dent: Cut it out. Just look at me and have your laugh. Get it over with. At least both sides match now, right? Look at me and have your laugh. Who are we kidding? They couldn't fix me. Nothing can change what I am.
Batman: You and me both.

Mutant Leader: That a tickle?
Batman: That was a nerve bundle in your deltoid. Might not hurt, but you won't be moving that arm for a while.

Mutant Leader: [picks up Batman out of mud] You finished, old man.
Batman: [headbutts Mutant Leader in broken nose] You don't get it, son. This isn't a mud hole. It's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon.

Mutant Leader: They call us a gang. They think we just noisy kids. Only when they die by our hands will they know Gotham City belongs to the Mutants!
[crowd cheers]
Mutant Leader: Take the guns, take the bombs. Storm police headquarters, and kill... and kill! Bring me the head of the old man Gordon. I will carry it through the streets. And the Batman who thinks he can mess with us... I will tear him limb from limb!
Batman: Mutants: Surrender now or be destroyed.
[Mutant gang opens fire on Batmobile]
Batman: Don't even wait for an order. Kids today... no respect.

Mutant Leader: [picks up shell next to fallen Mutant member] Rubber bullets. Ha! All this metal, and you don't even use it to kill! It's just a shell to keep you safe? What's the matter? Ain't you got the stomach for it? I call you coward! Come out here and face me like a man. I kill you, I eat your heart! Prove you can take me. Prove you can fight with your hands. C'mon, man! You borin' me.
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, you can't seriously be...?
Batman: Mm-hmm.
Alfred Pennyworth: He's in his prime. He'll kill you.
Batman: It's the only way I'll know.

Batman: Tell Gordon we have to talk.
Veteran Cop: Sure thing, Bats. But how's he supposed to get in touch with you...?
[Batman leaves]
Veteran Cop: Oh, yeah. Now I remember.

Thug: What's happening?
Batman: Your favorite nightmare. Should last about an hour.


"Batman: Hi Diddle Riddle (#1.1)" (1966)
Robin: Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed.
Batman: Roger. Ready to move out.

Batman: Precisely, Inspector Basch, The Riddler contrives his plots like artichokes. You have to strip off spiney leaves to reach the heart.

Robin: [about to climb a building] Gosh, if I could only figure out that riddle. Why can't I get it?
Batman: Maybe your mind is on that cute little teenager who waved at you on the way across town, eh?
Robin: [embarrassed] Oh, come on, Batman!

Batman: Out riddled!
The Riddler: I thought you might be, Batman. That's why I brought witnesses with camera's. Hoho! What is it that no man wants to have yet no man wants to lose?
Robin: A lawsuit!
The Riddler: Correct, Boy Wonder!

Batman: When is the time of a clock like the whistle of a train?
Robin: When it's two to two. Too too too!

What a Way to Go Go Club Doorman: [outside the What A Way To Go Go discoteque] Sorry Batman, I'm afraid the boy is under age.
Batman: It's the law.
[dramatic pause]
Batman: Very odd. This could be a plot to seperate us.

Batman: [to bartender] A large, fresh orange juice, please.

Batman: [sounding inebriated after drinking a spiked glass of fresh orange juice] Officers, out of my way, they've got Robin!
[gets into Batmobile]
Batman: Out of my way I said, I've got to get after Robin.
Young police officer: Hand me the key, Batman. I'm afraid you're in no condition to drive.

Batman: I'll stand at the bar. I shouldn't wish to attract attention.


Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders (2016)
Batman: There's a bad moon on the rise.

Robin: We were almost done, Batman!
Batman: To put it more accurately, well done, Robin!

Batman: Begorah.

Batman: Quickly, Robin, to the crosswalk!

Batman: Robin, time to use our trusty Batzooka!

Batman: I implore you to turn yourself in without a fight.
Catwoman: You will be gentle with me, Batman?
Batman: You have my assurance I will handle you... personally.

Batman: Good job. Your grasp of the dead languages has improved.
Robin: No language can be dead if it lives in your heart.

Batman: An intergalactic spaceship is just another tool in a crime fighter's arsenal.


Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2 (2013) (V)
Batman: I didn't have to go easy on you. A different binding agent, a stronger mix... I want you to remember that. I wanted to remind you to stay out of my way. In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember the one man who beat you!

Batman: No more! All the people I've murdered...
[uppercuts Joker]
Batman: ... by letting you live.
Joker: [Spits blood] I never kept count.
Batman: I did!
Joker: I know. And I love you for it.
[Slashes Batman's chest]
Joker: It's finally here, isn't it? The moment we've both dreamed about!
[as Joker's about to stab Batman through the eye, his vision blurs]
Joker: Oh, don't tell me you're gonna fall asleep before we finish? You have gotten old, haven't you?
[Batman punches Joker off him and throws him against a wall, choking him]
Joker: Not quite how I imagined it, but we can still end on a high note!
[Joker stabs Batman in the torso three times while laughing maniacally. Batman twists his neck enough to paralize him but not kill as two witnesses run away]
Joker: You're in trouble now... Go ahead. Say this has never happened to you before.
Batman: Shut up...
Joker: Make me! Come on! Finish me!... Ah, doesn't matter. I win. I made you lose control. Heh-heh-ha, and they'll kill you for it. Eh-heh-heh! See you... in hell! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
[Joker twists his own neck to kill himself]

Batman: Ever ride a horse before?
Robin: Don't think I've ever seen a horse before.
Batman: You're about to learn fast.

Batman: Tonight I am going to maintain order in Gotham City. You are going to help me. But not with these. These are loud and clumsy. These are the weapons of cowards.
[snaps rifle in half]
Batman: Our weapons are precise and quiet. In time I will teach them to you. But for tonight, you will rely on your brains and your fists. Tonight, we are the law. Tonight, I am the law.

Batman: He'll still be weak, between the nuke and so little sunlight. Just how weak we'll see when he finds my first surprise.
Robin: Yeah, but how long you expect to last against him?
Batman: Long enough.
Robin: Boss. I'm trying to get the plan here. I mean, you gonna die tonight or what?
Batman: Figure I will.

Batman: You say you answer to some sort of authority. They only want me dead because I'm an embarrassment. Because I do what they can't. What kind of authority is that?
Superman: It doesn't matter. It's their world, and they won't stand for you anymore. If it isn't me, it'll just be someone else.
Batman: Really? Who do they send after you?

Superman: What are you doing? Do you want me to kill you?
Batman: Oh, you're not going to kill me. Now.
[Oliver Queen fires a kryptonite arrow at Superman, he grabs it as it explodes in his face]
Batman: It wasn't easy to make, Clark. It took years and cost a fortune. Luckily, I had both.

Joker: [after Batman throws a Batarang in the Joker's eye, partially blinding him] Are you out of your mind?
Batman: I'm through playing, Joker!
Joker: Be still, my heart.


"CollegeHumor Originals: Batman Meets the Riddler (#1.159)" (2011)
Riddler: If you aim to give us a shot, we'll riddle you. What are we?
Batman: Oh, that's a stumper. Say it again.
Riddler: If you aim to give us a shot, we'll riddle you.
Rachel Dawes: Batman, it's bu...
Batman: Whoa, whoa, wait. No hints. Is it bu-bu... Buh?
Riddler: You think the answer to my riddle is buh?

Rachel Dawes: Sometimes words have different meanings like the word bat could be an animal or a baseball bat.
Batman: I'm a bat!
Rachel Dawes: You're not a bat.

Batman: Lucius, I need help.
Lucius Fox: Of course.
Batman: It's a riddle.
Lucius Fox: Go ahead.
Batman: If you shoot and aim I'll riddle you.
Lucius Fox: Is it helicopters?
Batman: Right? That's what I said!

Batman: Is the answer a small boy's Sunday trousers?
Riddler: No.
Batman: Is it Invisiline braces?
Riddler: For real, what do you even see in this guy?
Rachel Dawes: Honestly I don't know right now.
Batman: Is it a bag of steel-cut oats?
Riddler: Multiple choice
Rachel Dawes: Great. Great idea.
Riddler: What comes out of a gun? A... bullets.
Rachel Dawes: That sounds good to me.
Batman: What are B and C?
Riddler: There is no B and C!
Batman: No B and C? It's a trap!

Batman: Is it helicopter?
Riddler: Alright, now wh-what did I say that would make you think helicopter?
Batman: It's when you said if your aim is to... I have no idea.

Lucius Fox: Batman, what's going on?
Batman: Yeah, call it off. I think it was helicopters. Guy just didn't want to admit I got it so fast.

Batman: How could a bullet riddle me? It doesn't have a mouth.

Riddler: If you aim...
Rachel Dawes: With a gun.
Riddler: To give us a *shot*...
Rachel Dawes: Boom! Boom! Blaaah!
Riddler: We'll riddle you.
Rachel Dawes: With little pieces of metal that are called?
Riddler: What are they called? What's gonna come out of the gun?
Batman: Injustice! The tools of cowards and criminals!


"Justice League: Injustice for All: Part II (#1.19)" (2002)
Joker: How did you get free?
Batman: I could have escaped from that trap at any time. But I thought I'd hang around to keep an eye on you clowns.

[Cheetah is supposed to be guarding Batman]
Batman: So what happened then?
Cheetah: My research opened up whole new worlds. There was so much to do...
Batman: But so little funding.
Cheetah: You know about that?
Batman: You didn't have enough for test subjects, so you used yourself.
Cheetah: And now I'm a freak.
Batman: That's not what I see. I see someone who was willing to sacrifice everything for a cause she believed in.
Cheetah: [softens] How do you know so much about me?
Batman: Let's just say, cats aren't the only creatures who are curious.
[she sidles up to him]
Cheetah: Too much curiosity can be dangerous.
Batman: Maybe I like danger.
Cheetah: Do you?
Batman: [whispers] Try me.
[she kisses him]

Joker: [wheeling a TV into Batman's cell] Showtime, everybody! Live and in color - the end of the Justice League!
Batman: Don't make me laugh.
Joker: It's no joke. There's a surprise hidden in your little clubhouse.
[turns on the TV, showing the Watchtower]
Joker: And when your friends get there, kablooie!
[holds up a box]
Joker: Popcorn?
[Batman is silent]
Joker: Oh well, more for me.
Ultra-Humanite: Joker, you nauseate me.

Batman: Joker. I should have known you'd be in on this.
Joker: Really? I must be falling into a rut.
[to Luthor]
Joker: You're not going to leave him like this, are you?
Lex Luthor: Why?
Joker: HELLO? He's still alive!

Lex Luthor: Now, Batman, you must have some kind of passkey or access-code I can use against your friends. Where is it?
Batman: [grinning] Guess.

Batman: Grundy, what's Luthor paying you for this?
Solomon Grundy: Money, lots of it.
Batman: [of Humanite] As much as he's getting?
Solomon Grundy: I dunno.
Batman: Look at all you've had to put up with. You should be getting more.
Ultra-Humanite: More than me? Preposterous.
[goes off to read the paper]
Batman: Is it?

Batman: [after tricking Grundy into getting him water which he shoots from his mouth to the stasis field to disable it] Thanks.
Solomon Grundy: Uh-oh.

Ultra-Humanite: [slows down by Batman while being arrested] Wait. You'll keep our bargain?
Batman: Yes. Double what Luthor was paying.
Superman: [after Humanite passes] What was *that* all about?
[he just smiles]


Batman Begins (2005) (VG)
Criminal: [Batman catches a terrified enemy off guard] Please don't eat my soul!
Batman: That's a new one.

Batman: Do you drive stick?

Henri Ducard: Have you finally learned to do what's necessary?
Batman: [punches Ducard] I told you! There's only one man, I'll let you kill!
Henri Ducard: If not murder, what do you call this?
Batman: [throws Ducard to the ground of the train, leaving him unconscious] Justice...

Batman: Alfred, I need a way to get in the asylum.
Alfred Pennyworth: Might I suggest, dressing up in tights and pretending you're a bat?

Batman: [opening quote] Fear. It was fear that killed my parents. On the far side of the world, I tasted fear in it's purest form and thought I'd conquered it. But, fear followed me home...

Carmine Falcone: [terrified] What the hell are you!
Batman: I'm Batman.

Ra's al Ghul: You must have the strength to do what is necessary or you cannot lead these men into Gotham.
Batman: Gotham?
Ra's al Ghul: As Gotham's favourite son, you would be ideally placed to strike at the heart of criminality.
Batman: You can't believe this.
[he grabs a red hot poker]
Henri Ducard: Wayne, what are you doing?
Batman: What's needs to be done.
[he throws the poker at some explosives]
Ra's al Ghul: You are a fool Wayne! You will be destroyed!

Intercom: What's the password?
Batman: Little pig, let me in.


"Batman: The Yegg Foes in Gotham (#2.14)" (1966)
Robin: [Batman & Robin have been banned out of the Gotham City limits by Egghead] This is the saddest day of my young life, Batman.
Batman: What will be, will be.
Robin: Goodbye Gotham City, you were my kind of town.

Robin: What does it mean, Batman?
Batman: It means we've got that criminal by his large, grey, double A head!

Batman: Who are you, citizen?
Jose Jimenez: Oh, my name José Jimenez. And who may I ask are you two nice people climbing down the side of this building when the elevator are available?

Batman: And if my memory serves me correctly...
Robin: As it always does!

Batman: Foolish, evil man.
Robin: You're going to end up where all broken eggshells end up: in the garbage!
Egghead: Give me a break, Batman?
Batman: You'll be dealt with, fairly. In a court of law.

Batman: Miss Bacon, I'm puzzled why a girl of your obvious breeding, education, style and class should become involved with someone like...
[disdainfully]
Batman: Egghead.
Miss Bacon: I guess I'm just lucky, Batman.

Egghead: Why don't we inveterate Gotham City's sewer system?
Batman: Just the right place for a rat like you.
Robin: The only place you will be going is up the river.

Old MacDonald: Who's going to pay for all my eggs?
Batman: Don't worry Mr. MacDonald you will be reimbursed at the current market value.


"Justice League: The Once and Future Thing Part One: Weird Western Tales (#3.12)" (2005)
Green Lantern: Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana?
Batman: Nothing. She's a respected colleague.
Green Lantern: [unconvinced] Uh-huh.
Batman: I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow another distraction. Diana's a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend. She's... standing right behind me, isn't she?
Wonder Woman: Don't let that stop you.
[leans over him, flirtatiously]
Wonder Woman: Keep digging.

Green Lantern: Diana's carrying a grudge.
Batman: She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything?
Green Lantern: What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now... I'm very happy.
Batman: [Unconvinced] Uh-huh.

[after swapping their costumes for cowboy clothes]
Wonder Woman: These shoes are killing me.
Batman: You fight crime wearing high heels.
Wonder Woman: High heels that fit!

Batman: [looking at a newspaper] I was afraid of this. The Elkhorn Gazette. It's either an amazing forgery, or it's less than a month old.
Wonder Woman: So?
Batman: Look at the date: June 1879.
Green Lantern: I have mentioned how much I hate time travel.

[after taking the robbers' clothes, Lantern checks their pistols]
Green Lantern: Those empty holsters aren't gonna scare anybody. You sure you don't want one of these?
Batman: Positive. Let's ride!

[Manning faces off with Smith and extends his six-barrelled gun]
Tobias Manning: Now go for your gun, chief, so I can ventilate you proper!
[the rest of the League forms up behind Smith]
Batman: Six guns, six of us. Nobody miss.

Batman: [faces off against a cowboy with only his utility belt] Go ahead - give me an excuse.

Batman: I'd get out of town if I were you.
Bartholomew Aloysius Lash: I'd like to, but like my pappy always said, "A man who buries his head in the sand makes a pretty good target."


"Batman: The Animated Series: Heart of Ice (#1.3)" (1992)
Batman: Freeze!
Mr. Freeze: That's Mr. Freeze to you.

Mr. Freeze: The snow is beautiful, don't you think? Clean, uncompromising...
Batman: And cold.
Mr. Freeze: Like the swift hand of vengeance.

Mr. Freeze: Tonight, I mean to pay back the man who ruined my life... our lives.
Batman: Even if you have to kill everyone in the building to do it?
Mr. Freeze: Think of it, Batman. To never again walk on a summer's day with the hot wind in your face and a warm hand to hold. Oh yes, I'd kill for that!

[Batman watches the tape of Ferris Boyle wounding Victor Fries]
Batman: My God!
Mr. Freeze: Yes.
[Batman turns around to see Mr. Freeze pointing his ice gun at him]
Mr. Freeze: It would move me to tears... If I still had tears to shed.
[Freeze pulls the trigger on the gun and ice sprays towards the camera]

Alfred Pennyworth: If you're going out like that, I'd suggest you take this.
[hands him a thermos]
Batman: Knockout gas?
Alfred Pennyworth: Chicken soup. Only way to fight a cold.

Batman: A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. Here's the evidence.
[He gives Summer Gleeson the surveillance video, then looks at Boyle, still shivering and half-encased in ice]
Batman: Goodnight... humanitarian.

Batman: I saw what happened to your wife, I'm sorry.
Mr. Freeze: I'm beyond emotions. They've been frozen dead in me.
Batman: That suit you wear, a result of the coolant?
Mr. Freeze: Very good, a detective to the last. I can no longer survive outside a sub-zero environment.

Summer Gleeson: [Batman has shattered Freeze's helmet with a canister of hot chicken soup] What was that stuff?
Batman: The only way to fight a cold.


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Demon's Quest: Part I (#1.57)" (1993)
Ra's Al Ghul: So, they know your identity, detective.
Batman: Who are you? How did you get in here?
[Batman starts to approach, but Ubu tosses a dagger at Batman's feet, stopping him]
Ra's Al Ghul: You must forgive Ubu, detective. He is well trained. Allow me to introduce myself. I am he who is called Ra's al Ghul.
Batman: "The Demon's Head". I thought you were only a legend.
Ra's Al Ghul: I am quite real. And as I'm sure you realize by now, my reputation for resourcefulness is well-deserved.
[Handing Batman a photo displaying a captured Robin and Talia]
Ra's Al Ghul: As you can see why have a common problem. Your ward was abducted on the same night as my daughter. You do remember my daughter?
Batman: You're Talia's father?
Ra's Al Ghul: Yes, but surely you would not expect her to mention me by name.
[Ra's begins coughing uncontrollably, Batman moves to intervene but Ra's raises his arm]
Ra's Al Ghul: Keep your distance! I am merely old. Older, perhaps, than you can imagine. But not so old that I cannot assist you in your search.
Batman: I get the message.

Ra's Al Ghul: Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rain forests. The world depends upon it's oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in it's destruction. You, who belong to the over-class have much to answer for.
Batman: Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests.
Ra's Al Ghul: Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites.
Batman: And you're the one who'll do the forcing?
Ra's Al Ghul: I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me.

Batman: You still have me at a loss, Ra's al Ghul. Just how did you learn who I am?
Ra's Al Ghul: I control a vast global organization, detective. Obviously Batman's activities require certain costly implements. It was a simple matter for my people to learn which wealthy Americans were amassing what Batman might require. The one who matched my daughter's description of you was Bruce Wayne.
Batman: Next time I'll have to glue my mask on.

Batman: [studying the picture] Look at the blade. It's used by a cult of mercenaries based in Calcutta. Even the rope appears to be made of a hemp indigenous to that area.
Ra's Al Ghul: Well done, detective. You are worthy of your reputation. To India, then! Come. I have an aircraft waiting.
[Batman walks in front of Ra's and gets shoved back roughly by Ubu]
Ubu: Infidel!
Ra's Al Ghul: Forgive my servant. He feels that no one should precede me. Call it over-zealousness.
Batman: I think I'll call it "strike one".

Ra's Al Ghul: So, how long have you known, detective, that I planned your ward's capture?
Batman: Almost from the beginning. How could you have known Robin and your daughter were abducted on the same night?
Ra's Al Ghul: Unless I had done the abducting?
Batman: Exactly. And do you think I'd have let you take me anywhere in your place unless I suspected you meant to lead me somewhere? For one thing, there were all those would-be assassins. They knew where we'd be and when. Someone had to be tipping them off, and that someone had to be you. Then there was Ubu, always by his master's side. Always very picky about letting you go ahead of everyone else. Except in Malaysia, where you knew there was danger waiting.
Ra's Al Ghul: I'm deeply impressed.

Ubu: The master gave you no permission to leave.
Batman: I didn't ask for any.

[Overlooking the Lazarus Pit]
Robin: You want us to put him in that? You're crazy!
Talia Al Ghul: No, listen to me, I know it is difficult to believe, but the pit is what keeps alive, what *has* kept him alive for 600 years.
Robin: Batman?
Talia Al Ghul: Please! You must believe me!
Batman: We have no choice. He's stopped breathing.

Talia Al Ghul: Wait, I can't let you leave like this. My father meant you no harm.
Batman: He had a funny way of showing it.
Ra's Al Ghul: My time is short. I have no sons. I need a man to assume my position when I am gone.
Batman: Then it was a test? But why me?
Ra's Al Ghul: Because you are most worthy. That is now proven beyond any doubt. And because my precious daughter loves you.
[Batman is taken back by the comment]
Batman: Forget it.
Ra's Al Ghul: Then this means we must be enemies. You will regret this insult, detective!


"Justice League: Starcrossed: Part III (#2.26)" (2004)
Superman: Always have to be the hero, don't you?
Batman: Right back at ya.

J'onn J'onzz: [examining Thanagarian controls] I have no idea how to fly this vehicle.
The Flash: [pressing button] What's this do?
[a laser blasts open a window in Wayne Manor]
Batman: [through clenched teeth] That's-not-helping.

Batman: [regarding Thanagarian plans] Ingenious.
Superman: Yeah, I'm impressed.
[removes glasses]
Superman: Let's go wreck it.

[Batman plans to de-orbit the Watchtower and drop it onto the Thanagarian's forcefield generator. He, J'onn, and Flash load the unconscious Thanagarians into the escape pods]
J'onn J'onzz: Is that the last of them?
The Flash: Yeah. The tower's completely pest-free.
Batman: Good.
[He steps back and presses "launch," shutting the door between them]
The Flash: Hey!
[the escape pod launches, leaving Batman behind]
J'onn J'onzz: What are you doing?
Batman: I can't risk having the Watchtower burn up on re-entry. I'll have to guide it in manually. Gentlemen... it's been an honor.

[Batman throws batarangs at a trio of Thanagarian soldiers. They stick in their chest plates, beeping softly]
Thanagarian Soldier: Your weapons are pitiful!
Batman: Wait for it.
[a swarm of bats attacks the Thanagarians, biting and clawing]

Green Lantern: [of the generator] It's behind a forcefield.
Batman: A forcefield controlled from the command ship. Go shut it down. I'll take care of the generator.
The Flash: That thing's the size of a city. What are you gonna do, throw a Batarang at it?
Batman: Something like that.

Batman: We're cutting it a little close. Have you shut off the forcefield?
Superman: Not yet. Where are you?
Batman: On board the Watchtower, guiding it to target.
Superman: That's insane! Get out of there!
Batman: Negative! I'm staying with it.
[signal cuts out]
Superman: BATMAN!


"Justice League: Kid Stuff (#3.3)" (2004)
Wonder Woman: [after being turned back into an adult] Circumstances aside, it was kind of... enjoyable to be a kid again.
Batman: I haven't been a kid since I was eight years old.

Young Wonder Woman: I guess I'll go with Clark.
[to Batman, flirting]
Young Wonder Woman: Unless I should go with you.
Young Batman: Whatever.
Young Superman: I'm fine to go with Diana.
Young Green Lantern: So Bruce and I are good to go?
Young Wonder Woman: I changed my mind. I'll go with Bruce and John can go with Clark.
Young Batman: [Getting annoyed] What*ever*.
[They take off]
Young Superman: What's with them?
Young Green Lantern: Man, for someone with like, fifty different kinds of vision, you are so blind.
[he takes off]
Young Superman: [still confused] What?

[Etrigan, now a diaper-wearing infant, randomly attacks the League with his fire breath until Wonder Woman wisely picks him up and burps him]
Young Wonder Woman: See? That's all he needed.
Young Green Lantern: [sniffs the air] Oh, man. That ain't all he needs.
Young Batman: Now *that* is a job for Superman.

[League members have been reduced to children by Morgan LeFay. Wonder Woman, appearing more mature than her male counterparts, begins giving orders]
Young Green Lantern: Your girlfriend sure is bossy.
Young Batman: [Whines] Shut up!

[the League have been turned into kids]
Young Batman: This better be temporary.
Young Superman: You sound weird. Whoa! So do I.
Young Wonder Woman: I kind of like this.

Young Batman: [sees Lantern squinting] What's wrong?
Young Green Lantern: I wore glasses as a kid. Guess I need 'em again.
[a pair of big, square glasses appear over his eyes]
Young Green Lantern: Wow! I didn't even try to make these.
Young Batman: [as Superman bursts out laughing] I hope not.

Mordred: [sees the League] The Justice Babies!
[bursts out laughing]
Young Batman: What are you laughing at, precious?


"Batman: The Unkindest Tut of All (#3.6)" (1967)
King Tut: Ladies and gentlemen, here is my next prediction!
Batman: Come of it, Tut. You're predictions are nothing but phony fatuous flim-flam.

Robin: [adressing a bunch of no-good thugs] If you give yourselfs up without a struggle we'll try and make things easier for you.
Batman: And if not you may be severely pummeled about the head and shoulders.

Batman: Alfred, would you put me, eh, twin brother in the Bat-Dummy closet?

Commissioner Gordon: [on the red phone] King Tut has predicted another crime.
Batman: [on other line in Batcave] The charlatan!
Commissioner Gordon: He insists all available police surround Gotham City penetentiary as a massive escape is in the offing. Certain forces will attempt to spring Penguin, Riddler, Egghead and the Siren.

Batman: What's it all about, Alfred?

Batman: So it was you who blazed the trail.
Batgirl: I was just doing my duty as a citizen.
Batman: I like that kind of talk. Perhaps we could, eh, get together some evening and discuss crimefighting techniques?
Batgirl: No one knows where you live.
Batman: Yes, that does constitute some problem...

Batman: [referring to Batgirl] I wonder who she really is.
Batgirl: [referring to Batman] I wonder who he really is.


"Justice League: Only a Dream: Part II (#2.6)" (2003)
Dr. Destiny: [attempting to read Batman's mind] What's that stupid song going through your brain?
Batman: It's what's keeping you out, Johnny.

Dr. Destiny: Coming here was the mistake of your life. You see, the closer I am to someone, the stronger I get. I'll be able to go into your brain, even if you're wide awake.
Batman: My brain is not a nice place to be.

Dr. Destiny: You know, I could let you go. You're a distraction now, and it's the others I have the real problem with. We're like insects to them. They step on us, ruin our lives, and they don't even realize it! But you're different. You don't have any special powers.
Batman: Oh, I have one, Johnny. I never give up.

Batman: Don't worry. I'm used to late hours.

Batman: I gave him some stimulants but, this is somebody who could have a building fall on him and not feel it.

J'onn J'onzz: But once you find him, how are you going to stop him from, thinking?
Batman: I'll just have to improvise.

Dr. Destiny: Adrenaline rush wearing off? Good. The doctor will see you now.
Batman: Sorry. I'm gonna have to cancel that appointment.


Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)
Batman: Do you still follow your dad's orders?
Andrea Beaumont: The way I see it, the only one in this room controlled by his parents is you.

Batman: You think you know everything about me, don't you?
Alfred Pennyworth: I diapered your bottom; I bloody well ought to, *sir*!

The Phantasm: Stay away! This is not your fight!
Batman: This madness ends now!

Joker: You're crazy! I'm your only chance to get out of here! Let me go or we'll both die!
Batman: Whatever it takes!

The Joker: All right, I give in. I surrendered already. Tell her, Batman.
Batman: [Panting] Andrea, you've got to... get out of here! The whole place is set to... explode!
Andrea Beaumont: No. One way or another it ends tonight. Goodbye, my love.

[while Reeves is trying to resist the effects of Joker's toxin, Batman appears in his hospital room]
Arthur Reeves: [gasps, then giggles helplessly] Oh, no!
Batman: Why did the Joker meet with you?
[Reaves keeps giggling]
Batman: It has to do with the gangster murders, doesn't it? He thinks you're involved. WHY?
Arthur Reeves: [giggling] I don't know!
Batman: [grabs him] That's not the answer I want!
[Reaves manages to calm down]
Arthur Reeves: Beaumont needed me to help him and his kid get out of town...
[starts to giggle again]
Arthur Reeves: He kept in touch.
Batman: When was the last time you spoke to him?
Arthur Reeves: Years ago, my first election campaign. I was running out of money and I asked him for help...
[giggles]
Arthur Reeves: He said no!
Batman: So you sold him to the mob.
Arthur Reeves: [now laughing hysterically] I was broke! Desperate! They said all they wanted was their money back!
[he collapses with laughter, as Batman leaves in disgust]

Batman: Your father's dead, isn't he? You came into town early to get Chuckie Sol, so you could shift the blame to your father if necessary.
Andrea Beaumont: They took everything, Bruce. My father, my friends, my life, you. I'm not saying it's right, or even sane but it's all I have left! So either help me, or get out of the way!
Batman: You know I can't do that.
Andrea Beaumont: Look what they did to us! What we could have had! They had to pay!
Batman: But Andy... what will vengeance solve?
Andrea Beaumont: If anyone knows the answer to that, Bruce, it's you.
[silent pause]
Batman: Leave, Andy, now. Please.


"Justice League: Destroyer (#5.13)" (2006)
Batman: Okay, let's get these people locked up. Sounds like we've got a fight on our hands.
Giganta: If you think you're locking us up while the whole world is under attack, you got two fights on your hands.
[the Leaguers and Legionnaires stare each other down, ready to fight]
Batman: She's right. We'll need all the bodies we can throw at this.
Superman: Oh, come on! It's Lex Flippin' Luthor! Why should we trust him?
Atomic Skull: Hey, it's our world too!
Lex Luthor: Let's be clear about this: we're not here to help you save the world, you're here to help me get revenge on Darkseid. When this is over, it's back at business as usual.
[Superman glares at Lex for a long moment]
Superman: Wouldn't have it any other way.

Atomic Skull: Wait a minute, we helped you guys save the world. Don't we even get any consideration?
[pause. Superman shrugs at Batman]
Batman: You're right.
[Everyone looks surprised]
Batman: Five-minute head start.
Atomic Skull: Five minutes? Are you kidding?
Wonder Woman: Four minutes, fifty seconds...

[last lines]
Superman: A head start? You're getting soft in your old age.
Batman: Don't you have a tall building to go leap?
Wonder Woman: And the adventure continues.

[Batman, throwing Batarangs, and Luthor, with two pistols, are holding off Parademons]
Lex Luthor: What's wrong?
Batman: I'm out.
Lex Luthor: [Lex offers Batman one of his guns] Here, take my extra.
Batman: Not my style.
Lex Luthor: Suit yourself. I plan to live through this.

[fighting Parademons beneath Darkseid's command ship]
Lex Luthor: Was there a plan here?
Batman: Take out the small fry until we attract the big fish's attention.
Lex Luthor: Ha! With everything that's going on, I'll bet he never notices us!
[a portal appears, and Darkseid floats down]
Superman: I'll take a piece of that.

Darkseid: Still alive. You impress me, Kryptonian. More, your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes, there is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain with something special I've been saving for just this occasion.
[takes out a Kryptonite knife]
Darkseid: I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room.
Lex Luthor: As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you got some business with me.
[Luthor approaches Darkseid, donning his buisness suit]
Lex Luthor: Sorry it took me so long, I had to go get my power suit.
Darkseid: You dare challenge me? Insanity.
Lex Luthor: Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want.
[Reaches into his coat pocket, pulling out a spiraling, bright, glowing mass]
Lex Luthor: The only thing you want.
Darkseid: The Anti-Life Equation...
Lex Luthor: My gift to you.
[Darkseid reaches for it, Luthor placing his hand over Darkseid's as the Anti-Life Equation starts to engulf the two in light]
Superman: Lex, don't!
Batman: [Bholds Superman back] It's too late!
Darkseid: It's beautiful, isn't it?
Lex Luthor: Yes... yes, it is.

Sroya Bashir: [Reporting] This has been the scene all over the world. In the wake of Darkseid's defeat, his attacking forces have withdrawn, persumably back to wherever it is they came from.
Superman: Thanks to Luthor, of all people.
J'onn J'onzz: In many ways, Lex Luthor represents the worst mankind has to offer.
Superman: But he died saving us all.
Batman: I doubt either of them died.
Superman: We saw it this time.
The Flash: You saw it last time too.
Green Lantern: What's the old saying? Believe half of what you see...
Shayera Hol: ...And none of what you hear. They'll be back.
J'onn J'onzz: And we'll be ready for them.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Vendetta (#1.21)" (1992)
Commissioner James Gordon: I've had cats that made more noise than you.
Batman: We need to talk about Bullock. I think he might have been responsible for the bomb.
Commissioner James Gordon: Come on, you know there was evidence that Conway falsely implicated Bullock at the graft inquest.
Batman: But you have no proof Conway lied.
Commissioner James Gordon: Look, Harvey Bullock is hard to work with, even harder to like. But he's a good cop, Batman. He's clean.

[Dangling Thorne high above the city]
Rupert Thorne: Wait! Stop! I'll tell you anything you want!
Batman: Did you order Spider Conway blown up?
Rupert Thorne: [manages a laugh] That loser? I wouldn't wipe my shoes on him! Conway's got nothing on me. Let him talk. He could've talked his head off. No problem.

Rupert Thorne: [after Batman has broken through his greenhouse window] You'd better have the money to pay for that.
Batman: [Grabbing Thorne] Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone.
Rupert Thorne: Oh, I got plenty of answers.
[Thorne's men run into the greenhouse with guns]
Rupert Thorne: .38 caliber answers.

Alfred Pennyworth: Still intent on that scale or what have you, I see.
Batman: Believe it or not, the cellular structure is human, but the texture of it is almost reptilian.
Alfred Pennyworth: Mmm, do tell.
Batman: Bullock might not be the primary suspect after all.
Alfred Pennyworth: In any event, I've made your favorite - French onion soup. And when you let it get cold this time, note that it's in a microwavable crock.
Batman: Crock? Alfred, you're beautiful.
Alfred Pennyworth: Imagine if I'd gotten 'round telling him about the salad.

Killer Croc: Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape.
Batman: You're no prize yourself.
Killer Croc: What can I tell ya? Bein' a reptile man ain't pretty. But it's got its upsides. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance. But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? The hard way.

Killer Croc: You know, they used to call Killer Croc the meanest dude in the wrestling federation. Now, they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman.
Batman: Don't hold your breath.

Det. Harvey Bullock: Why? Why'd you stick your neck out like that to help me?
Batman: Because I thought you were guilty too... and I was wrong. We may have different ways of enforcing the law, but we both believe in it.


"Batman: Smack in the Middle (#1.2)" (1966)
[after seeing Molly fall into the Batcave atomic power source]
Batman: What a terrible way to go-go...

Batman: Don't move, I'll get the universal drug antidote.

Batman: That was the one hole in your plan.
Molly: Well there are gonna be some holes in you, Batman!
[pulls the trigger on her revolver twice but nothing happens]
Batman: Foolish girl. You were so bent on your murderous scheme you failed to notice, in the Batmobile, I burned off your revolver's firing pin with a hidden Bat-Lasar-Beam.

Robin: Listen: how many sides is a circle?
[Batman jerks back his head in thought]
Robin: Answer: two. Inside and outside, right?
Batman: Right.
Robin: Here's the second one: what President of the United States wore the biggest hat?
[Batman turns around and starts pacing]
Robin: It's, it's easy Batman: the one with the biggest head!
Batman: Of course.

Batman: Well well, we've come a long way from the Prime Minister's exploding cake. Or have we? Nice listening, Robin.
Robin: Aw gee, it was nothing, Batman.

Batman: This jokes on you, Riddler!
Robin: When is a donkey spelled with one letter? When it's U!
The Riddler: A Trojan mammoth!

Batman: You jolly devil!


"Batman: The Purr-fect Crime (#1.19)" (1966)
Batman: Robin, you haven't fastened your safety Bat-belt.
Robin: We're only going a couple of blocks...
Batman: It won't be long until you're old enough to get a drivers license, Robin. Then you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember: motorist safety.
Robin: Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way...

Leo: There's no need for you to wait in line, you're on official business, aren't you?
Batman: I'd rather not say.
Leo: There's no charge for you, go right in.
Batman: No, I'd rather pay just like any other ordinary citizen.

Robin: Gato & Chat Fur Company. Gato means cat in Spanish and chat means cat in French! Only the Catwoman would choose a hideout with those names.
Batman: I'm glad you're up on your foreign languages, Robin, they come in handy when fighting crime.
Robin: Si, si, Batman. What do we do now?

Batman: I'll be back in three minutes and twenty seconds.

Batman: There is more than one way to skin a cat, woman!

Batman: [seeing Catwoman for the first time] You feline devil! What have you done with Robin?
Catwoman: Aw, is that any way to greet an old friend, Batman? Not even a "hello, how are you"? Teach him some manners, fellas!

Robin: We might have been killed!
Batman: Or worse.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: The Eyes of Despero! (#1.10)" (2009)
Guy Gardner: Well, thanks for stopping by, Bats.
Batman: I'm coming along. And I get the feeling I'm gonna need more than a batarang against this guy.
[Batman brings out a Power Ring]
Guy Gardner: Hey! No way I'm letting you wear that ring!
Sinestro: I'm afraid one who's not of the Corp cannot wear the power ring. But that doesn't we can't use our rings to augment you.
[Sinestro, Guy and G'nort use their Power Rings on Batman and he's fitted with a power suit]
Batman: Cool.

Batman: Okay, Guy, you and G'nort take the left flank. Sinestro and I will take...
Guy Gardner: Eat my toe nail clippings.
G'nort: Don't worry, Mr. Batman, sir. I'll take the left flank. Um, uh, which way's the left?

G'nort: You did it! You did it! My hero!
Batman: No licking!

Batman: You were all... in the ring?
Hal Jordan: And sent to you for safekeeping. I had a hunch you had the will power to get us out of this mess.

Cavalier: Thou art no match for the Cavalier. Witty rogue, daring thief...
Batman: Delusional loon.

Cavalier: Batman! If thou thinkest thou can stop me, then have at me!
Batman: [thinking to himself] Somewhere Shakespeare is spinning in his grave.

Batman: [to Guy] We can still stop Despero. But you and G'nort are going to have to follow my orders to the letter.
Sinestro: We're doomed.


Batman (1989)
[Batman dangles a mugger over the side of a building]
Nic: Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man! Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man!
Batman: I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Nic: What are you?
Batman: I'm Batman.

Vicki Vale: [distracting Joker] Mr. Joker, you say such beautiful things. Oh, you're so powerful. And purple! Oh, I love purple.
Batman: Excuse me.
[Joker looks]
Batman: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
[punches him]

Batman: I'm going to kill you!
The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try.
Batman: I know you did.
[punches him again]

Vicki Vale: A lot of people think you're as dangerous as the Joker.
Batman: He's psychotic.
Vicki Vale: Some people say the same thing about you.
Batman: What people?
Vicki Vale: Well, I mean, let's face it. You're not exactly normal, are you?
Batman: It's not exactly a normal world, is it?

Batman: You killed my parents.
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, you made me first.
The Joker: Hey, bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." I mean, how childish can you get?

Batman: You weigh a little more than a hundred and eight.
Vicki Vale: Oh really!
Batman: Let's go.

Batman: See that thing on my belt? Grab it! Whatever you do, don't let go.


Justice League: Doom (2012) (V)
Green Lantern: That's three you owe me.
Batman: We keeping score?
Green Lantern: Not literally.
Batman: Because if we are, it's 8 to 7, my favor.

The Flash: Batman, you okay?
Batman: I'll live.
Superman: So will Ace, apparently.
Martian Manhunter: He's still a little embarrassed from last time.
Superman: He sucker-punched me.

The Flash: Found him.
Batman: You fast enough to go in there and knock him out before he glances in your general direction?
The Flash: We could just wait until his eye laser runs out of power.
Batman: Flank him. I'll make sure he stays inside until you get there.
The Flash: That will work too.

Alfred Pennyworth: Late night playing cards, Master Bruce?
Batman: Something like that. How did you know?
Alfred Pennyworth: [picks out a card from the driver seat] I believe tradition for hiding these up one's sleeve.
Batman: Was that sarcasm, Alfred?
Alfred Pennyworth: Mild teasing, at best. I'm being uncharacteristically gentle with you mainly because you're bleeding all over my nice clean floor.
Batman: Not going to let me go to work.
Alfred Pennyworth: That is correct, Master Bruce. Not until you've had proper medical attention...
Batman: Fine.
Alfred Pennyworth: ...food, and a minimum of eight hours' bed rest.
Batman: Let's get this over with.
Alfred Pennyworth: I made chicken soup. You can eat while you brood and I'll put in your stitches myself. It will be delightful, I'm sure.
Batman: All right.
Alfred Pennyworth: By the way, the part about the stitches? That would be sarcasm.

Batman: Alfred, get the Batwing ready. The Justice League is under attack.
Alfred Pennyworth: By whom?
Batman: By me.

Batman: I've carefully studied every Justice Leaguer, past and present and created contingency plans to neutralize you should that become necessary.
The Flash: You've gotta be kidding me.
Batman: Neutralize, not kill. Whoever implemented my plans altered them.
Wonder Woman: It's still a completely unacceptable breach of our trust.
Batman: The members of the Justice League are among the most powerful and potentially dangerous people on the planet.
The Flash: You think one of us would go over to the other side?
Batman: Or succumb to mind control. Yes, it's impossible. That's why I developed plans for containing any of all members of the JLA should the need ever arise.
Superman: None of us would ever do that to you.
Batman: Then you're damned fools.

Superman: In light of the recent breach of trust revealed to us during the Vandal Savage matter, we have to decide whether Batman should remain in the League. All those in favor of...
Wonder Woman: Wait. Before we vote, I believe the accused should be allowed a few words in his defense.
Green Lantern: Seconded.
Superman: Okay. Batman?
Batman: My actions don't require any defense. In the same situation, I'd do it again.
The Flash: Aw, come on!
Batman: As individuals, and even more so as a group, the Justice League is far too dangerous to lack a failsafe against any possible misuse of our power.
Wonder Woman: We use our power to protect the world. We always have.
Batman: And what if we ever used it for some other purpose?
[rises from his seat]
Batman: If you people can't see the potential danger of an out-of-control Justice League, I don't need to wait for a vote. I don't belong here.
[walks out of the room]


"Batman: The Animated Series: Beware the Gray Ghost (#1.32)" (1992)
Batman: I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for.
Simon Trent: I'm not the Gray Ghost!
Batman: I can see that now.

[Trent finds Batman in his apartment]
Simon Trent: This is harassment! I'm calling the police!
[goes to his phone and starts to dial]
Batman: [producing a note] We know the next bomb is going to hit the Gotham Library. Help me.
[Trent sets the phone down and forages in his closet, coming out with a reel]
Simon Trent: Here's your answer. Take it and go, please!

Batman: [advancing on Trent] Your prints are all over this car. You own the only copy of the episode, where the Mad Bomber did everything step by step, as seen...
Simon Trent: But I'm not the Mad Bomber, Batman! I sold my cars months ago, to pay for my rent, to... No! It can't be HIM...!

Batman: You...?
Simon Trent: Like you said, you need my help.

Batman: Thanks.
Simon Trent: Hey, I owe you. You got me my outfit back.
[Trent walks off into the night]
Batman: Gray Ghost...
Simon Trent: [turns] Yes?
Batman: Want to help me out on this one?
Simon Trent: Sure.

Simon Trent: This place is very familiar. It's just like...
Batman: The Gray Ghost's lair.
Simon Trent: It's almost an exact replica.
Batman: Let me show you something else...
[Batman reveals to Trent a small closet filled with "Gray Ghost" memorabilia]
Batman: As a child, I used to watch it with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero.
Simon Trent: So it wasn't all for nothing...

[Dymer is busy breaking a Batman dill, when he notices the real merchandise behind him... ]
Ted Dymer: Well, if it isn't the Dark Knight himself...
Batman: You're finished, Mad Bomber.
Ted Dymer: [giggling] Oh, I don't think so.
[Dymer launches a fleet of cars to surround Batman]
Batman: You ought to put your toys away.
Ted Dymer: I can't, I need the money, to get more toys! I love toys! They can do all sorts of things! They can make music! They can dance! They can even eat money! Oh, boy, can they eat money - all MY money! Then I remembered an episode of the Gray Ghost, and I found other things toys can do: they can carry a bomb! They can hold an entire city ransom! Toys! Toys are the best...
[the Gray Ghost takes down Dymer]


"Batman: It's How You Play the Game (#2.26)" (1966)
Laughing Leo: You wouldn't hit a man with glasses, would you?
Batman: You're not wearing glasses.

Batman: Courage Robin, keep your mask up!

Robin: Holy toreador!
Batman: The word is 'matador', Robin. 'Toreador' is a word of convenience used by Bizet in his classic opera 'Carmen'.
Robin: Oh. Holy Matador, then!
Batman: Very apt.

Shame: [Shame faces Batman & Robin at High Noon in Westerntown] Draw.
Batman: You and every other criminal know that I don't carry firearms, Shame.
Shame: Well, then reach for your utility belts, so as I can do you in.
Robin: Even the rottenest cowboy wouldn't gun down two unarmed men. It's against the code of the old west!
Shame: Them rules don't count east of the Mississippi!

Commissioner Gordon: Well, Batman, you've done it again. May I shake your glove?
Batman: Of course, Commissioner.

Batman: Olé!
Robin: Olé, Batman, olé!

Batman: Let's go, Robin. We've set another youth on the road to a brighter tomorrow.


Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010) (V)
Superman: Her name is Kara Zor-El, from Krypton. She's my cousin.
Batman: You're cousin just torched $50,000 worth of custom hardware.
Superman: Send me the bill.
Batman: On a reporter's salary, right.

Superman: [reading Zor-El's message] "This vessel carries my daughter, Kara Zor-El, from the now dead planet Krypton. Treat her as you would your own child. She will prove a treasure for your world."
Batman: Treasure. You're sure of the translation?
Superman: It says treasure. Not terror, not trouble. Always the cynic. You can't help yourself, can you?
Batman: You know those tests I was running? Her cellular structure is a shade more dense than yours. She metabolizes sunlight more efficiently. It could be her youth. It could be something else. Bottom line, she might be more powerful than you. It makes me wonder. So does her sudden appearance.

Superman: Krypto's just feeling a little overprotective. Aren't you, boy?
Batman: I don't know. I've always considered him a good judge of character.
Superman: Look, she's been through a lot. Not to mention learning an entire language in less than a week. Why don't you cut her some slack?
Batman: We don't know anything about her. She claims to have no memory of anything prior to splashing down in Gotham Bay.
Superman: I'm not saying there aren't loose ends.
Batman: Having no control over her powers is more than a loose end. She's dangerous.
Superman: Which is why she's in quarantine until she can gain control. She may be the only blood relative I have left. I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, at least for the time being. You don't have a problem with that, do you?
Batman: No problem at all. But I can't speak for the dog.

Batman: Does any of this fill in your memory lapses?
Kara: Some. I know that's my Uncle Jor-El and my Aunt Lara.
Batman: Because Superman, Kal-El, told you.
Kara: No. Because I remember. Uncle Jor-El was like my father. They both believed the planet was doomed which is why my father also built a ship. He told me the navigation system was locked onto Earth and that he and my mother would soon follow. I was just about out when I saw them die, right before my eyes. And then there was that light, that awful, blistering light. Then, all I remember is darkness. The rest you told me. How the asteroid carried me across the galaxy until it broke apart and I landed here.
Batman: Do you remember your mother's name?
Kara: You know I don't. Why don't you trust me?
Batman: Kal-El has enemies who would go to great lengths to destroy him.
Kara: You think I would hurt my own cousin?
Batman: Perhaps not intentionally.
Kara: I sensed your presence earlier because I thought I heard your heartbeat. I was wrong. You have no heart.

Batman: [about to fight an army of Doomsday clones] Well? Did you come here to sightsee or fight?

Wonder Woman: I'm sorry, but it has to be this way.
Batman: She's right.
Superman: I don't understand.
Wonder Woman: Look around. What if this had been the middle of the day? The park crowded with people, children. She needs more specialized training. I'm taking her with me.
Superman: And what if I say no?
Batman: There's another reason she can't stay. I'll explain later. For now, I'm asking you to trust me.

Batman: You still owe me a computer.
Superman: Might take a while. Reporter's salary.
[flies away]
Batman: Always has to have the last word.


"Batman: Rats Like Cheese (#1.8)" (1966)
Batman: Mr. Freeze, give yourself up. We can get help for you... medical help!
Freeze: In prison? This I do not believe. No, you must PAY for what you did to me, for forcing me to live like this: never again to know the warmth of a summer breeze, never to feel the heat of burning logs in vintertime! Revenge. That is what I need! Revenge! I will have revenge!

Batman: [to Mr. Freeze] Naturally you didn't know I was wearing my special super thermal B long underwear.

Batman: Robin, this is one time I'll have to go it alone.

Freeze: [Batman has attempted to leave the heated area of Mr. Freeze's hideout] You see? Even through your glove the cold air penetrates like a thousand needles. Am I not right?
[Batman remains silent]
Freeze: I am right!
Batman: You're right, you cold fish.

Freeze: Ah! Baked Alaska, my favorite desert. We will have with it, eh, some of this very special liquor. Chilled ever so slightly. Eh, ten seconds in my hands cools it properly. Eh, thirty seconds for champagne and one minute for Martini, nice and cold... ja.
Batman: None for me, thank you.
Freeze: Oh, I am sorry, I forgot you do not drink.

Robin: [shivering with cold] Sorry. Slipped on a Baked Alaska!
Batman: [rubbing Robin with both hands to warm him up] You tried! That's the true measure of a man. Whether you win or lose, you tried.

Batman: Mr. Freeze!
Freeze: Ja?
Batman: How much do you want for Diamante's release?
Freeze: How much I want?
[laughs]
Freeze: Nothing! Not one single mark, I mean, uh, red cent! No money! None!
Batman: Then what?
Freeze: Simple! Very simple! I will trade even! One baseball pitcher for... one Batman!


"Justice League: A Better World: Part II (#2.12)" (2003)
Lord Batman: What're ya hiding for?
Batman: I do my best work in the dark.
Lord Batman: I used to think that, too. But what have you ever accomplished from there? Besides from scaring a few punks half to death and putting a few more in jail.
Batman: It all adds up.
Lord Batman: Not fast enough. If you really want to make a difference, want to change the system instead of just patching it, you've got to step into the sunlight. Take over, like we did.

Lord Batman: Think about it - a world where there's no crimes. No victims. No pain.
Batman: And no choice! Who elected you, anyway?
Lord Batman: Who elected *you*? The problem with democracy is, it doesn't keep you very safe.
Batman: It has other virtues. But you seem to have forgotten that.
Lord Batman: *I* didn't forget! I just chose peace and security instead.
Batman: You grabbed power!
[Batman appears behind his Lorder self, and raises a Batarang... ]
Lord Batman: And with that power, we've made a world where no eight-year-old boy will ever lose his parents because of some punk with a gun!
[Silence. The batarang drops to the ground, and Lorder Batman spins around, seeing Batman there, hands lowered]
Batman: You win.

Batman: [speaking of the Justice Lords] They're as strong as we are, and just as smart. But they're willing to kill.
Superman: What're you saying? That we have to be willing to kill too? I *won't* cross that line!
Batman: How else can we stop them?
Superman: You're the smart one. You figure it out.
Batman: We can't do it! Not unless we cross some kind of line.

Batman: I didn't know you could do that.
The Flash: Neither did I. But I had to come with *some*thing if *you* weren't going to.
Batman: I couldn't. Not with him anticipating everything I'd ever think of. But who could anticipate you?

Batman: [having just witnessed a man arrested for complaining about poor restaurant service and an attempt to cheat on his bill] They'd love it here, don't you think?
Lord Batman: Who?
Batman: Mom and Dad. They'd be *so* proud of you.
Lord Batman: [turning to scowl at the stoplight] Just drive.

The Flash: So, without your Flash, the Justice Lords went rogue?
Lord Batman: It wasn't quite that simple.
The Flash: Hey, he was the conscience of your group, and that means I must be...
Green Lantern: Come on, Jiminy.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Chill of the Night! (#2.11)" (2010)
Batman: Phantom Stranger, this had better be important.
Phantom Stranger: Very. I'm alarmed at the way you're conducting this investigation.
Batman: Go haunt a house. I'm busy.
Phantom Stranger: Batman, I'm here to offer you an insight into your parents' demise.
Batman: What do you know?
Phantom Stranger: Most things.

Thomas Wayne: [Notices Batman] And here I thought I was going to be one of a kind. I guess great minds think alike, Mr?
Batman: Uh... Malone. M-Matt. Matthew Malone.
Thomas Wayne: Thomas Wayne. This is my wife, Martha.
[Batman hugs Martha]
Martha Wayne: Oh, my... You're friendly, aren't you?

Batman: How's your aim?
Thomas Wayne: Impeccable, old chum.

Batman: Spectre, what's your stake in all of this?
Spectre: That depends on you.
Batman: I don't have time for cosmic guessing-games with you and the Stranger. I've finally uncovered the motive behind my parents' murder.
Spectre: Yet, you are restless.
Batman: I still need to know who pulled the trigger.
Spectre: And to what end, Dark Knight? What will you do once you find out?
Batman: I... I don't know.
Spectre: Surely the world's greatest detective has thought that far ahead.
Batman: You're the spirit of vengeance, Spectre. A criminal has walked free for over three decades. You have to know who he is.
[Spectre grins and starts walking way]
Batman: Don't walk away from me!

Lew Moxon: You've got some nerve showing up here, after running out on the charity job.
Joe Chill: I'm sorry, boss.
Lew Moxon: Yeah... when I get out of here, you'll be even sorrier.
Joe Chill: Wait, listen! I'll make this right! I can even the score with you with Thomas Wayne. He's the reason you're in here, not me! I'll make sure he suffers! Him, and his whole family.
Lew Moxon: ...Whatever. Just make it look like an accident.
Batman: So just like that, he signed away their lives. Soo casually, without remorse. Without blinking a filthy eye. Where was justice?
Spectre: Where indeed.

Batman: Joe Chill. You are the slinking coward that murdered Thomas and Martha Wayne.
Joe Chill: That was a lifetime ago!
Batman: Yes... My lifetime! You took them without mercy or regret, and in cold blood, Chill!
Joe Chill: H-how would you know this? How could you possibly?
Batman: I know because I watched it happen! I know because I am the son of the man you murdered!
[lifts off mask]
Batman: I am Bruce Wayne!
Joe Chill: ...No... Oh, no!


"Batman: While Gotham City Burns (#1.30)" (1966)
Batman: Chief O'Hara, we haven't one Big Benjamin second to lose!

Batman: [Gordon has just informed Batman on the Bat-phone that stately Wayne Manor has been burgled] Well was anyone in the Wayne household hurt?
Commissioner Gordon: [on other line] Fortunately, no one.
Batman: Goodbye, Commissioner. Ill be at Wayne Manor faster than anyone can imagine.

Robin: [about to enter a giant cookbook] I wonder what's on the menu inside.
Batman: Only one way to find out, Robin. Let's take a bite.

Batman: [Batman is trying to contact the Batcave on his Bat-communicator] Do you think Alfred's there?
Robin: He's a creature of well disciplined habits. It's his regular time for dusting the atomic pyle.

Batman: Batman to Gotham City police, Batman to Gotham City police! Red alert, red alert! We are trapped inside a cookbook at 5th & Cedar!

Batman: [using the Bat-bullhorn] Take cover in the side streets! The recipes in this book could be explosive!


"CollegeHumor Originals: Batman Vs. Scarecrow" (2012)
Batman: No! Girl Scouts!
Crane: You're scared of Girl Scouts?
Batman: They're knocking on the door. I don't have any cash!

Batman: Ukulele! Keep it away! Its jingle jangles tell me I'm in a Club Med!

Crane: You jump off of rooftops and you fight criminals and you're scared of roombas?
Batman: How does it know which way to go if we don't push it?
Crane: Wow.

Batman: No! Stay away, Christopher McDonald!
Christopher McDonald: Hey Batman. How ya doin'?
Crane: Oh my God. Are you kidding me?
Batman: Goose McKenzie, you keep your distance!
Christopher McDonald: Goose McKenzie? That's going way back. Most people know me as Shooter McGavin but, uh, thanks for knowing my work
Batman: AAH!

Batman: Jingly keys! Fun for babies! Not for Batman!

Batman: Baths!
Crane: Bats! See? That makes sense! Because you're afraid of bats so you dress like a bat so you could frighten your enemies like a...
Batman: No, no. Not bats. Baths!
Crane: Baths.
Batman: Baths. You know a bath?
Crane: Yep.
Batman: Taking a quick shower is just as refreshing and uses one-third the water!
Crane: And you're Gotham's savior?
Batman: It's wasteful!


"Batman: Batman's Anniversary (#2.45)" (1967)
[the Dynamic Duo find a note on the front door of the Gotham City Bank, affixed by a spear]
Robin: Another bulletin from Riddler?
Batman: I'm afraid so, Robin. And look at this!
[indicating hole made by the spear]
Batman: Only the Riddler and his ilk would have such a flagrant disregard for private property. This door will have to be *repaired*!

Alfred: I understand that the Gotham City Bakers Guild has prepared a rather unique cake in your honor and wishes you and Master Robin to, eh, pose for the sculptured, eh, marshmellow figures of yourselves which will top the confection.
Batman: How could I have forgotten? Thank you, Alfred.

Robin: Now that's what I call a cake!
Batman: Yes, it is rather... formidable, isn't it?

Batman: I did think it would all end differently, somehow less ignominiously. To drown in my own anniversary cake.

Batman: Better three hours too soon than a minute late.

Batman: So far this puzzle's given us a few minutes of mental exercise, but it still has to provide us with the clue Riddler promised it would provide.


"Batman: An Egg Grows in Gotham (#2.13)" (1966)
Commissioner Gordon: [attempting to locate the three heirs of Gotham's founding fathers] That leaves only Bruce Wayne.
Robin: I, eh, wonder where he is?
Batman: Unquestionably out doing something inconsequential with his youthful ward Dick Grayson. You know how those millionaire playboys are.

Egghead: I for one am eggshausted. It's been a trying day and I must rest my fantastic brain for tonight.
Batman: [as he lays down, Batman & Robin enter] There'll be no rest for the wicked today, Egghead.
Robin: Boy, do you guys have egg on your faces!
Batman: All the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put you together again.
Miss Bacon: Oh, Batman, you're so lyrical.

Batman: You put all your eggs in one basket, Egghead, a fatal mistake.
Robin: Prepair yourself for an eggspeditious defeat.
Batman: That's very apt, Robin.
Robin: [pleased as punch] Oh, glad you liked it.

Robin: Holy bill of rights! Maybe Egghead wants to start a war between the Gotham City citizens and the Indians!
Batman: I rather doubt it, Robin. There's only one Indian left, he'd be outnumbered ten million to one.

Robin: Holy semantics, Batman, you never cease to amaze me!
Batman: No time for compliments now, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!

Batman: [Answers batphone] Yes, Commissioner.
Commissioner Gordon: Bad news. Batman Egghead is back with a carton full of crime.


"The New Batman Adventures: Legends of the Dark Knight (#2.6)" (1998)
Matt: He got my signal!
Batman: [to Firefly] I heard you were setting fires for money, Lynns. A little pressure, and your client gave up where'd you be.
Matt: [disappointed] Oh.

50's Batman: Hold it right there, Joker!
50's Joker: Eh?
[Joker looks up to see Batman and Robin in the skylight]
50's Joker: Batman!
50's Batman: We got your clue about stealing laughter, "The comedy is finished".
50's Robin: A famous line from Paliacci, the opera about a sad clown.
50's Batman: It was your twisted way of saying you'd steal the original score.
50's Robin: Now we're going to make our own clown cry.

50's Batman: [Shaking hands with Robin] Well done, old chum.

80's Batman: They don't even wait for an order. Kids these days. No respect.

Mutant Leader: Batman! I call you coward! Come out and face your death like a man! I kill you! I eat your heart! I show you who rules Gotham City!
80's Batman: Okay, son. Show me.

80's Batman: You don't get it, son. This isn't a trash heap.
[Batman grabs the Mutant Leader's leg]
80's Batman: It's an operating table.
[the Mutant Leader shrieks with pain as a sickening crunch is heard]
80's Batman: ...And I'm the surgeon.


"Batman: He Meets His Match, the Grisly Ghoul (#1.16)" (1966)
Robin: Holy Benedict Arnold, Susie! The chief cheerleader... a member of the Joker's criminal gang! Is it possible, Batman?
Batman: Steady, Robin. Steady old chum.

Batman: [standing over an unconscious Joker] That's what easy living gets you, kids. Stick to your books!

Batman: Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly.

Joker: [laughing] Have a sneeze on me, Batman!
[Joker administers sneezing powder upon Batman, which has no effect]
Batman: No use, Joker! I knew you'd employ your sneezing powder, so I took an Anti-Allergy Pill! Instead of a sneeze, I've caught you, cold!

Batman: That young lady's life isn't worth a plugged lollipop!

Robin: She'll be in the gym, practicing cheers.
Batman: Of course. Tonight there's a big game: Woodrow Roosevelt against Disco Tech.


"The Zeta Project: Shadows (#1.8)" (2001)
Batman: He swore he wouldn't kill anymore.
Bruce Wayne: It's in his programming. He was built to kill.
Batman: And now he's running loose because I let him go.
[Starts to leave]
Bruce Wayne: Where are you going?
Batman: To stop him!

Batman: Save the sob story, tin man. I've already heard it.
[Attacks Zeta]
Batman: This time I'm shutting you down for good!

Ro: He was protecting me.
Batman: Yeah? From what?
[the Infiltraion Unit breaks through the wall]
Ro: That!
Batman: Whoa! There's another infiltration unit?

Batman: Easy, lady.
[the elderly patient hits Batman with a bed pan again]
Batman: I'm the good guy!

Infiltraion Unit: Zeta, you are out of options!
[Batman lands on top of him]
Batman: Try the salad bar!
[Batman moves away from the Unit]
Batman: No? Then how about the Daily Special.
[Batman throws some batarangs]

Batman: Ugh. Nothing worse than hospital food.
[Zeta picks up some bananas]
Batman: You're kidding.
[Zeta fires the bananas at the Infiltration Unit]


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Clock King (#1.14)" (1992)
Batman: What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb?
Alfred: A saboteur with too much money?

Batman: Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you!
Temple Fugate: He did worse than that! He made me late!

[while fighting with Batman]
Temple Fugate: I've studied news footage of you, and I know that it takes you exactly one twentieth of a second to throw a punch.
Batman: Very clever. But it only takes me a thirtieth of a second to do this!
[He throws a kick that Fugate narrowly evades]

Batman: I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate!
Temple Fugate: Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, I am king. En garde!

Commissioner James Gordon: Do you think Fugate survived the tower's destruction?
Batman: If I could, he could.

[last lines]
Commissioner James Gordon: You think we'll see him again?
Batman: Absolutely. In fact, I'd say it was only a matter of time.


"Batman: The Bat's Kow Tow (#2.30)" (1966)
Catwoman: If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a... bad girl?
Batman: But, eh, no... No, of course not, Catwoman. Kissing is one of the most natural things in the world... eh, some people kiss almost every day, and - I'm told...

Batman: All right, Belgoody, tell me everything.
Benton Belgoody: Every... well, I, I was born in Youngstown of poor but honest parents.
Batman: Come off it, Bellgoody, you're pulling my boot! What's Catwoman's plan?

Catwoman: [pointing her cat shaped revolver at Batman's cowled face] Beg. Beg for your mortal existence.
Batman: I'd rather die than beg for such a small favor as my life.

Batman: [appearing on the Allan Stevens Television show] America must have faith that the law will recover the voices of Chad and Jeremy.
Allan Stevens: Yes, I understand that millions of the world's teenagers are in virtual mourning since last night's tragedy.
Batman: Yes, that's quite true, Mr. Stevens, but on the plus side, millions of parents are delighted.
Robin: . Speaking as an average, ordinary, red-blooded, typical American teenager, I think this is one of the worst things that could have happened!

Batman: By this time, Sir Sterling, you're aware of the serious tragedy affecting your countries most popular export?
Sir Sterling Habits: Have we stopped making those small sports cars?
Robin: We're referring to Chad and Jeremy.
Sir Sterling Habits: Oh yes, those blighters. Hm. Can't understand a word they say...

Catwoman: Batman, why for art thou doing this to me?
Batman: It's my job, Catwoman.
Catwoman: We could make such beautiful music together...
Robin: You'll play a different tune when we're through with you. And all the notes will be sour.
Catwoman: Party pooper. Teenagers should be seen and not heard. All right, men, destroy the Dynamic Duo!


"Batman: The Great Train Robbery (#3.22)" (1968)
Shame: Your mother wore Army shoes.
Batman: Yes, she did. As I recall, she found them quite comfortable.

Shame: You big sissy, you couldn't drive nails in a snow bank.
Batman: Why would I want to?

Shame: Keep your feet planted, Batboys, before I put a picture window in your skull.
Batman: You wouldn't shoot us in cold blood?
Shame: Cold blood, hot blood, warm blood, makes no never mind to me.

Shame: Doggone it, Batman! You cheated. You know we ain't no good in a fair fight.
Batman: That's what I was counting on, Shame.

Batman: You're not worthy of the name 'Shame', you're a sham, Shame! Don't ever cry on my tights or pull my leg again.

Batman: You're heading for the last round-up, Shame. Because of your greed and your avarice. Otherwize you might have realized that good, even though it's sometimes side-tracked...
[turns to face camera]
Batman: ... always, repeat: always triumphs over evil.


"Batman: The Animated Series: I Am the Night (#1.34)" (1992)
Dr. Leslie Thompkins: Aren't you going home? It's almost three A.M.
Batman: Promises to keep, Leslie. I have promises to keep.

Alfred: Master Bruce, are you all right, sir?
Batman: I'm tired, Alfred.
Alfred: Well I shouldn't wonder, you've taken no meals today, and I can't recall when you last slept.
Batman: A weary body can be dealt with, but a weary spirit, that's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there.
Alfred: How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice.
Batman: I've put out a few fires yes, won a few battles, but the war goes on Alfred, on and on...

Batman: I should have been there.
Robin: You can't be everywhere.
Batman: I let him down.
Robin: You're being too hard on yourself.
Batman: He's a friend. More than a friend. Jim Gordon is the same age my father would have been if he hadn't... Now he's hanging by a thread. If I had gotten there five minutes sooner...
Robin: You're only human, you do all one man can do, more than any man is expected to do.
Batman: I chose this life. I use the night, I became the night, sooner or later I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision. No regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes.
Robin: Jim Gordon's a cop, Bruce. He knows the risks.
Batman: How long before I let someone else I care about down? Leslie, Alfred, you? When all is said and done, how much good have I accomplished? They sell t-shirts of me! I've become a cliche! More good for the tourist trade than the streets.
Robin: This city would fall apart without you.
Batman: Maybe. Maybe not. When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you. Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him before anyone else gets hurt!

[Commissioner Gordon awakes from his coma]
Jim Gordon: The bust, went down OK?
Batman: Yes. Get some rest now.
Jim Gordon: Gotta keep fighting, never stop. What I try to live by. Maybe if I had been younger I could have been like you. Always wanted to be a hero.
Batman: You are a hero, Jim.

Batman: When all is said and done, how much good have I accomplished? They sell t-shirts of me. I've become a cliché. More good for the tourists trade than the streets.
Dick Grayson: This city would fall apart without you!
Batman: Maybe. Maybe not. When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you. Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him. Before anyone else gets hurt!

Dr. Leslie Thompkins: You seem quieter than usual tonight.
Batman: Every year I come here and wonder if it should be the last time, if I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life.
Dr. Leslie Thompkins: Santayana says, Those who forget the past are condemed to repeat it.
Batman: He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Dreams in Darkness (#1.31)" (1992)
Batman: Some thought I'd gone mad. Others thought I always had been. And so they put me where they thought I belonged.

Dr. Bartholomew: Such a pity. To think, after all he's accomplished, that he should end up here like this. Yes, he does seem calmer. You can turn on the lights, It's all right, Batman. I'm Dr. Bartholomew, your psychiatrist.
Batman: Did you contact Commissioner Gordon and Dr. Wu?
Dr. Bartholomew: Calm yourself. Everything is under control.
Batman: Haven't you listened to anything I've told you?
Dr. Bartholomew: [to the orderly] He needs more time. See that he's not disturbed.
Batman: BARTHOLOMEW! We don't have any more time!
Dr. Bartholomew: Now, now. There's always time to heal.

Batman: "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning.

Dr. Bartholomew: It's time we had another chat, Batman. Now, tell me about this supposed gas again.
Batman: I've already told you. When the gas is put into Gotham's water supply, the entire city will be affected.
[Standing up]
Batman: Why won't you believe me?
Orderly: Easy.
Dr. Bartholomew: Well, how could such a complex plan be implemented without attracting attention? I think this plot is just another delusion. And deep down, you believe so too. Otherwise, why come to Arkham? The one place where costumed delusional personalities can receive compassion and help?
Batman: I didn't come here for help! I came to find the criminal behind all this.
Dr. Bartholomew: Really, Batman. As if a criminal could run an outside operation from in here. Jack Napier? Harvey Dent? Pamela Isley? Or, as you call them, the Joker, Two-Face and Poison Ivy. We keep them all under constant watch.
Batman: They're not responsible for this madness. There's only one criminal twisted enough to come up with such a scheme: The Scarecrow.
Dr. Bartholomew: Professor Crane? What nonsense. I saw him this morning in his cell. He's probably asleep even as we speak.

Dr. Bartholomew: He can't possibly have left the grounds. Our security is absolute, completely...
Batman: No security is absolute. The Scarecrow's already proved that!

Dr. Bartholomew: I hope I'm not disturbing you.
Batman: Isn't that why I'm here? Because I'm... disturbed?


"Batman: The Animated Series: Two-Face Part II (#1.18)" (1992)
Grace Lamont: [Two-Face aims a gun at Thorne] Harvey, what are you doing?
Two-Face: Taking control of my life.
Batman: Let the law handle it.
Two-Face: The law? Here's the only law, the law of averages.
[holds up his coin]
Two-Face: The great equalizer.
[flips it]

Batman: I want to help you, Harvey.
Two-Face: Help me? You don't know anything about me!
Batman: I know that you have friends, Harvey. Friends who love and care about you

Harvey Dent: You knew there was something terribly wrong with me! You could have fixed me!
[He puts his face in his hands and looks up to reveal the scarring]
Two-Face: Now look at me!
Batman: I'm sorry, Harvey. I tried.
Two-Face: [the bridge he is standing begins to rock violently. He falls over the edge and screams as he falls toward lava] Why couldn't you save me?
Batman: [He runs over to try to save him] Harvey! No!
Thomas Wayne: [Thomas and Martha Wayne are standing underneath a streetlight] Why couldn't you save us, son?
Bruce Wayne: [Bruce wakes up]

Alfred Pennyworth: Remember, sir. Harvey Dent is no longer the great man we once knew.
Batman: I have to believe that somewhere under that monster is my old friend.
Alfred Pennyworth: That may make him even more dangerous.

Commissioner James Gordon: Poor Harvey. So filled with anger. Do you think there's any hope?
Batman: Where there's love, there's hope, Commissioner. But a little luck wouldn't hurt.

Batman: So, what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Where ever you are, whatever you've become, I will save you. I swear.


"Batman: The Cat and the Fiddle (#2.4)" (1966)
Batman: Oh, better put five cents in the meter.
Robin: No policeman is going to give the Batmobile a ticket!
Batman: No matter, Robin - this money goes to our building better roads. We all must do our part. Good citizenship, you know.
Robin: Holy taxation! You're right again, Batman.

Chief O'Hara: Look! Up there! Are they birds?
Commissioner Gordon: Are they planes?
Batman: No, they're cat-burglars! Quickly, to the elevators!

Robin: [Catwoman's "getaway rocket" won't start] You can't get away from Batman that easy!
Batman: Easily.
Robin: [nods] Easily.
Batman: Good grammar is essential, Robin.
Robin: Thank you, Batman.
Batman: You're welcome. Now, let's get them!

Batman: She's put the elevators out of commission, Commissioner!

Batman: Catwoman's up there, and she's about to make off with a bundle if we let her.
Commissioner Gordon: But Batman, we still don't know what she's stealing.
Batman: Eight pieces of catgut.
Chief O'Hara: How much could they be worth?
Batman: Plenty! They're attached to two Stradivarius violins. Each one is being sold today for a quarter of a million dollars.

Chief O'Hara: I, I'll take me men and we'll run up the 102 flights of stairs.
Batman: I don't have time for that!


"Super Friends: The Mysterious Moles (#1.13)" (1973)
Batman: A proper place for air-conditioner thieves: the cooler.

Batman: This requires a serious think-session by all the Super Friends.

Batman: That crafty pair of cave-crawlers.

Wonder Woman: Great Aphrodite!
Aquaman: Great Neptune!
Batman: Great blazes!

Robin: I thought the rocks and trees were the good guys.
Batman: They are, Robin. They're simple innocent creatures being misled by Mrs. Mole.

Batman: Maybe the drill hit something impenetrable.
Superman: [is shown pushing the other end of it back into their tunnel] I'll say it hit something impenetrable.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Robin's Reckoning: Part I (#1.51)" (1993)
[On a stakeout]
Robin: If I knew it was gonna be this long, I would have brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring?
Batman: Uh-huh.
Robin: It's been four hours.
Batman: Uh-huh.
Robin: You still think they'll show?
Batman: Uh-huh.
[pause]
Robin: Lucky for me you're such a good conversationalist.

Batman: All right, scum bucket, it's you, me, and thirty stories. You're gonna tell me exactly what I want to know.

Robin: Why can't I go with you? What's the big deal?
Batman: I'm working alone tonight.
Robin: Come on. I don't get to do this much since I started college. If it's because I jumped the gun back there, I'm sorry.
Batman: t's something I have to do, *alone*.
Robin: So that's it. No apologies, no explanation. Just "See you later, kid."
Batman: You know the rules. There are times I can't explain...
Robin: "My actions even to you." Hey, that line worked great in sixth grade but in case you hadn't noticed...
Batman: We'll discuss this later!

Batman: I've come for your nephew, Tony Zucco.
Arnold Stromwell: You can't just barge in here making demands!
Batman: I want him bad, Stromwell. Real bad.
Arnold Stromwell: How should I know where he is? I stopped looking after that loser a long time ago.
Batman: If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... grumpy. You don't want to see me grumpy.
Arnold Stromwell: Uh, yeah, I got ya...

Batman: I was so close, Alfred, I could smell his sweat. From now on, Tony Zucco gets my undivided attention.
Alfred Pennyworth: How fortunate for Zucco, because there's a little boy up there who's just aching for some of that attention.
Batman: I'm doing this for him.
Alfred Pennyworth: I'm sure revenge can be deliciously sweet. However, at the moment, he needs a friend. Isn't that what you needed sir?

Robin: You deceived me! You can't take this one! Zucco's mine!
Batman: Sorry, Robin, but on this team I call the shots.
Robin: But I've waited half my life!
Batman: Batman out.
Robin: Oh, no. He's not gonna ace me out!
Alfred Pennyworth: Please, Master Dick, you must do as he says!
Robin: Not this time, Alfred. Maybe not ever again.


"The All-New Super Friends Hour: The Marsh Monster/Runaways/Will the World Collide?/Time Rescue (#1.3)" (1977)
Batman: Now for the Bat-Glass-Cutters.

Batman: The ceiling is made of old wood. Try to cut through it with the Bat-Power-Saw.

Batman: Time for a little Superfriends teamwork.

Batman: He's your show from here.
Superman: In that case, it's time for the curtain call.

Prof. Fearo: If it wasn't for you, I'd have been the top scientist in the universe.
Batman: [slaps a handcuff on his wrist] You'd never succeed. As soon as you took control, there'd be another criminal to take it away from you.


Batman: Gotham Knight (2008) (V)
Cultist: Hey, Bat, when you're flying, what the city look like from up on high?
Batman: It looks dirty.

Batman: Alfred, how's the satellite picture?
Alfred Pennyworth: Splendid. I can almost see your pointy ears, sir.

Lt. James Gordon: [Batman's been bitten by Croc] Are you in pain?
Batman: I work through pain.

Alfred Pennyworth: Sir! Give me your hand!
[Batman's hands are full, having scooped a dozen discarded guns from the rubbish pile]
Batman: I... I can't.

Lt. James Gordon: Got a lead on your 'Killer Croc.' His name's Waylon Jones. He was an inmate at Arkham Asylum - and a former test subject in Dr. Crane's fear-aversion therapy program.
Batman: Which means he's twice as twisted now that Crane's had a go at him.


"Batman: Batman's Satisfaction (#2.52)" (1967)
Batman: [closely examining a bowl of alphabet soup] Robin! Have you noticed the Js, Qs, and Zs are missing?
Robin: Holy uncanny photographic mental processes!

Robin: You mean you're gonna feed those letters to the Batcomputer?
Batman: They're made out of noodles, easy to digest.

Batman: [referring to Aunt Harriet] And so because of a woman's vanity, a battle may be lost.

Edward G. Robinson: Bit of an art buff yourself, aren't you, Batman?
Batman: I'm afraid that crime-fighting allows me only the luxury of collecting criminals.
Robin: But you should see the great mugshots we've got!

Robin: Gosh, Batman! It's sure a good thing you brought that empy alphabet soup Batcontainer.
Batman: Right Robin, the right tool for the right job.


"Batman: Catwoman's Dressed to Kill (#3.14)" (1967)
Batman: [referring to Catwoman] Now, what could she do for a 'topper'? Something connected with clothing that might 'cap' her crimes to date.
Robin: Holy priceless collection of encrusted snoods!

Robin: Holy dilemma! If we go to rescue Batgirl, Catwoman escapes with The Golden Fleece!
Batman: And if we go after Catwoman, Batgirl dies.

Batman: It seems we arrived at an opportune moment, Catwoman.
Robin: Gosh, yes, Batman. Holy crucial moment!

Batman: There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman.
Robin: And how could a feline villainess like you also be a fashion model!
Batman: Ah, ah. Credit where credit is due, Robin, she may be evil, but she... is attractive. You'll learn more about that in a couple of years.

Batman: [to Barbara Gordon] You better leave the crimefighting to men.


Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes (2012) (VG)
Batman: We have to stop them.
Superman: You think...

Superman: Hey guys, need a hand?
Batman: With what, parking?
Superman: Yeah, sorry, I wanted to be there for your award, I mean Bruce Wayne's award. I got tied up.
Robin: Me too. Kids aren't invited.

Robin: Uh, Batman, maybe he can help with this. I mean, he's had a lot of experience dealing with Lex Luthor.
Batman: We don't need him.
Robin: Well it seems just like now we needed him.
Batman: We would have been fine jumping off the roof.
Robin: I think we would've broken our legs.
Batman: We've broken our legs before.
Robin: Yeah, but I didn't like it. I mean, if we just call him.
Batman: Robin, we can't go through life expecting Superman or anyone else to save us whenever things get tough. The only people we can rely on is ourselves.

Superman: [hears a Muzak version of Superman theme] What's that song? Sounds familiar.
Batman: I don't listen to music.

Cyborg: So, Bats, you need a little help rebuilding the Batcave?
Batman: No, Robin and I...
Robin: Yes, we'd like some help. Say it with me.
Batman: Okay, we probably could use some.
Superman: Are you asking me? Are you asking me to help you rebuild the Batcave?
Batman: Well, no I was asking Green Lantern.
Green Lantern: I don't think this is your colour.


LEGO Batman: The Movie - DC Super Heroes Unite (2013) (V)
Superman: Hey, guys. Need a hand?
Batman: With what, parking?
Superman: Yeah, sorry, I wanted to be there for your award, I mean Bruce Wayne's award.
Robin: Me too. Kids aren't invited.

Batman: You got dressed fast.
Robin: Well, I just started sleeping in costume now.

Robin: Uh, Batman, maybe he can help with this. I mean, he's had a lot of experience dealing with Lex Luthor.
Batman: We don't need him.
Robin: Well it seems just like now we needed him.
Batman: We would have been fine jumping off the roof.
Robin: I think we would've broken our legs.
Batman: We've broken our legs before.
Robin: Yeah, but I didn't like it. I mean, if we just call him.
Batman: Robin, we can't go through life expecting Superman or anyone else to save us whenever things get tough. The only people we can rely on is ourselves.

Robin: Why do we have so much of this stuff?
Batman: I keep it in case Superman decides to be a bad guy one day.
Robin: You expect the worst of everybody.
Batman: Yeah.

Superman: [hears a Muzak version of Superman theme] What's that song? Sounds familiar.
Batman: I don't listen to music.


"Batman: Caught in the Spider's Den (#2.56)" (1967)
Batman: You didn't count on us, did you? You sophisticated but evil woman?

Black Widow: Well, Bat-doll, thought you'd like some, eh, champagne, huh?
Batman: I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?
Black Widow: Milk?
[struggles to identify his request for a moment]
Black Widow: Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes.

Robin: Batman, I want you to come with me later today and rob a bank.
Batman: Robin, don't even joke about such a thing. Have you lost all your sense of judgement?
Robin: Holy reverse polarity! I did it! I got you out of Black Widow's clutches!

Commissioner Gordon: [overjoyed] Batman! Oh, it's really you!
Batman: In cape and cowl, Commissioner, why?
Commissioner Gordon: I'll explain later, but thank heaven!

Robin: [trapped in a web with two deadly back widow spiders] Batman... he's almost on me!
Batman: [calmly] He is a she, Robin. Only the female of the species is venomous.
[suddenly panics]
Batman: And mine is almost upon me also!


"Batman: Deep Freeze (#2.20)" (1966)
Batman: Mr. Freeze, I believe.
Mr. Freeze: Batman? But... but, but, but you were supposed to be a famous frosty freezy by now.
Batman: Exactly what we wanted you to believe.

Robin: Why you... beast. You sinful beast!
Batman: You're inhuman. An absolute demon.
Mr. Freeze: Inhuman? Demon? Wild!

Mr. Freeze: What happened? You're supposed to be frozen.
Batman: We took the precaution of processing our crimefighting costumes with a special Bat-Anti-Freeze-Activating solution.
Robin: And rubbed some on the rest of our bodies.

Miss Iceland: Oh Batman, what can I ever do to thank you?
Batman: Thank the judges of the Miss Galaxy Beauty Contest, Miss Iceland. They agreed to postpone the final event until you were found.

Batman: Now, gentlemen, I suggest we take a break. We have tickets for tonight's finals in the Gotham City Miss Galaxy contest. I know Robin is a little young for this sort of thing, but...
Robin: [interrupting] I'm not gonna be young all my life, Batman, and besides, beauty contests are practically an American institution.


"Batman: The Riddler's False Notion (#1.32)" (1966)
Batman: [to Pauline] Stop! surrender! Give yourself up. Or by all that's holy I might forget myself and do you violence!

Commissioner Gordon: [seeing the interior of the Batcave for the first time] I feel as if I've awakened in some future age! Such equipment! What fantastic ingenuity you and the Boy Wonder have employed in hooking it together.
Batman: True. We did muster many long hours of brainpower. However, this is no time for self congratulation.

Batman: [Robin is plummeting down a building] The Bat-rope. Grab it with your teeth!

Robin: Holy molars. Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!
Batman: True. You owe your life to dental hygiene. If only more people...
[is distracted by the Riddler's helicopter]

Batman: [Batman and Robin have caught the Riddler and his men] Call Chief O'Hara, Robin... Tell him we have the entire cast right here.
The Riddler: [Waking up after being knocked out] Uh, the cast?
Batman: You're about to star in a picture of your very own, Riddler... A very long picture. Title: Up the River!


"Batman: A Riddling Controversy (#2.46)" (1967)
Telegram delivery boy: Someone here called Batman?
Batman: Yes, I'm Batman.
Telegram delivery boy: Telegram.

Batman: [on Batmobile Batphone] Commissioner?
Commissioner Gordon: [on Batphone in his office] Yes, Batman?
Batman: Could you arrange for the immediate delivery of four one hundred pound sacks of sodium dichlorite to the Batcopter? I'll explain later.
Commissioner Gordon: Consider it done.

Robin: What are we going to do with four one hundred pound sacks of sodium dichlorite, Batman?
Batman: Checkmate Riddler! Hopefully.

Batman: As a duly deputised peace officer I order you to drop that sack and give yourself up.
Riddler: Impossible! Fifteen feet of lethal quicksand!
Across: They sure don't look defunct to me, Riddler!
Down: Or demised, departed and dead.
Riddler: How... how did they survive?
Robin: Right was on our side, that's how!

Batman: [O'Hara has grabbed Anna Gram around the waist] Nice catch, Chief.
Anna Gram: Let go of me, you blue coated baboon!
Chief O'Hara: [struggling to keep a hold on her] I'll bet she's the toughest one of the bunch!
Robin: She's the only one still kicking.
[and indeed she does kick Robin in the shins]


"Justice League: Twilight: Part II (#2.2)" (2003)
Batman: Next time I let Superman take charge, just hit me! Real hard!

Batman: Superman!
Superman: GO! I'm finishing this!
Batman: [approaches Superman, tries to pull him back] Kent, don't be a fool!
Superman: [hits Batman away] GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!

Batman: Nobody could've survived that. Not even Darkseid.
Superman: You know something, Bruce? You're not always right.

Batman: [in battle] Having fun?
J'onn J'onzz: Yes.

Batman: [studying Darkseid's computer] Cover me.
J'onn J'onzz: [uses the blaster from a damaged Braniac clone to destroy another] My pleasure.


Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman (2003) (V)
Robin: What do they make here?
Batman: Trinkets, figurines, weapons of mass destruction.

Batman: This ship is going down in less than a minute, Bane.
Bane: That's all the time I need.

Detective Sonia Alcana: You've been a busy bat.
Batman: Each of you brought something to the party. Kathy had the money, Rocky had the genius, and you... you had the scheme and the will to make it happen.
Detective Sonia Alcana: When that fire destroyed my folks' business, they never recovered. They'd worked their whole lives to have it, and then it was ashes, just like that. It tore our family apart. Everyone knew it was Rupert Thorne, but there was no way to prove it. Now he's going to know how it feels to see his life go up in smoke.
Batman: Three Batwomen. It was just a matter of disguising your voices and taking turns. And you know what? It almost worked.

Batman: For what it's worth, the city's losing a good cop.
Detective Sonia Alcana: Condoning vigilantes is one thing, but even Commissioner Gordon draws the line at employing them. We're just lucky the DA's looking the other way. Someday you'll have to tell me how you do it, Batman. How you keep from crossing the line. When I put on the mask, I couldn't even see the line anymore.
Batman: Maybe I don't take it as personally.
Detective Sonia Alcana: Somehow I doubt that.
Batman: Where will you go?
Detective Sonia Alcana: I'm not sure. Someplace simpler, where capes aren't the prevailing fashion.

Batman: Who are you? Why are you doing this?
Batwoman: You're the great detective. Figure it out. Got to jet.


"Challenge of the Superfriends: Wanted: The Superfriends/Rokan: Enemy from Space (#1.1)" (1978)
The Flash: It started with an incredible dream I had last night.
Superman: No more strange, I'm sure, than the one I had. I dreamt I robbed Fort Knox.
Batman: That's interesting. I dreamt Robin and I looted the U.S. Mint
Robin: Holy coincidences, Batman! I had the same dream.
Hawkman: It seems we all had criminal dreams last night. But when we arrived at the Hall of Justice this morning, we discovered something that turned our dreams into nightmares.

Batman: But, Chief, with all of the SuperFriends in jail, there'll be no one to stop the world's crime
Bizarro: [removes mask and laughs] Batman guess right. But him not guess me Bizarro with Luthor device to change voice.

Robin: Holy hotfoot, Batman! We're getting closer to the sun.
Batman: At the rate we're traveling, we've only got a few minutes left.
Superman: And without the use of my muscles, my super-strength is useless!

Batman: Alfred!
[Alfred enters with a mutated face]
Alfred Bizarro: Alfred Bizarro to be exactly. Now me got little surprise for you.

[Batman releases an object from his utility belt that expands and traps Bizarro]
Batman: What's the matter, Bizarro? Can't even punch your way out of a plastic bag?


Justice League Heroes (2006) (VG)
[One of Brainiac's Controllers intercepts Superman and Batman]
Batman: I don't think he wants us to go inside.
Superman: Truly, you are the world's greatest detective.

Wonder Woman: This isn't the Watchtower.
Batman: No, it isn't. It's an emergency bunker 12 miles away. Part of my contingency plans.
Superman: Which you were going to tell us about when?
Batman: When necessary.

Darkseid: Brainiac is no more. Tremble before the power of...
Superman: [surprisingly shocked] Darkseid!
Darkseid: Greetings, Superman.
Batman: You tricked Brainiac into freeing you from your extra-dimensional prison.
Darkseid: I promised him he would unleash power beyond imagining. I fulfilled our bargain. To the letter.
Zatanna: Yeah, and he was also promised great knowledge.
Darkseid: And I delivered. What higher lesson is there than is this: Never trust Darkseid.
Superman: Get off my planet... monster!
Darkseid: Normally a threat from you is worth considering, but with both the Mother Box and Sensory Matrix Field Generator at my command, I'd rather think you should get off my planet.

Batman: You get the feeling we're being led right where they want us to go.
Superman: Like lambs to a slaughter.
Batman: Not exactly.
[door slides open]
Brainiac: Greetings, Superman, Batman. The display of skill and power it took to get this far is impressive. If not all together, unexpected.
Superman: Brainiac! I was wondering when you would finally show your face. What are you doing here?
Brainiac: That should be obvious. Destroying you.

Batman: You ready to talk to us again?
Superman: Sure. If by talk, you mean kicking Darkseid's ass into low orbit.
Batman: Then I think we can do business.
Martian Manhunter: What's the plan?
Batman: We attack in waves. Minimize the chance of us all being defeated at once.
Flash: Once we're committed, we don't stop until it's over. One way or the other.
Superman: Only one way: Darkseid's going down.


"Batman: The Contaminated Cowl (#2.35)" (1967)
Commissioner Gordon: Who knows what disaster lies ahead when a man of the Mad Hatter's twisted tendencies is loose in Gotham City. And who knows what lies in store for you, Batman, he'd stop at nothing to add that cowl to his horrific horde of headpieces.
Batman: [touches his cowl for a moment] The loss of my cowl is secondary, Commissioner. But not the fate of Gotham City.

Narrator: [narrating] But while the Pasha ascends by elevator, the Dynamic Duo make a less orhodox approach up the sheer glass wall!
Robin: Looked like a fancy affair down on the 62nd floor, Batman.
Batman: Just goes to show, Robin: people who stay in glass hotels shouldn't throw parties. Eyes front. After all, we're not social climbers.

Robin: [Batman is hit with radioactive spray but Robin manages to cover his face with his canary yellow cape] You diabolical devil!
Mad Hatter: Not one step forward, Boy Wonder, or you'll get it too.
Batman: [still covering his eyes] Don't take that step, Robin!

Robin: Your cowl, Batman. It's turned bright pink!
Batman: A form of irialant radiation, Robin.

Mad Hatter: I have Batman's cowl! The crowing achievement of my career and the end of his.
Skimmer: And the end of crime fightin' in Gotham City, boss.
Mad Hatter: Oh, such sweet victory!
Batman: Don't count us out yet, gentlemen. Victory and defeat are of the same price, Mad Hatter.


"The New Batman Adventures: You Scratch My Back (#1.5)" (1997)
Nightwing: What are you doing here?
Batgirl: Pre-dawn, the dockyards, where else would a person in a mask be?
Nightwing: This is my gig. If I needed you, I would've called.
Batman: Smugglers?
Nightwing: Gunrunners out of South America. The only cucumbers in those crates are .30 caliber. And here comes the bag boys now.

Batman: Not bad.
Nightwing: Yeah, for a guy "your" age.

Selina Kyle: I thought I felt a chill.
Batman: I want you to stay away from Nightwing.
Selina Kyle: [Chuckles] Mother birds usually know when to let their robins leave the nest. He's a big boy-wonder now. A man wonder, in fact.
Batman: I don't trust you, Selina.
Selina Kyle: Of course you don't. That's why it could have never worked out between us.
Nightwing: Is this a private party?
Selina Kyle: Don't you men ever use the door?

Batman: You all right?
Nightwing: Just brokenhearted. She led us right to the emerald, just like you said.
Catwoman: You set "me" up!
Nightwing: Afraid so.

Enrique El Gancho: The great Batman has met his match, no?
Batman: No.


"The New Batman Adventures: Over the Edge (#1.11)" (1998)
Batman: Jim...
Commissioner James Gordon: How could you? I worked with you, trusted you... And you never told me?
[Batman looks down]
Commissioner James Gordon: She was my daughter. My daughter!
[Batman goes to console him, but is stopped at gun point by Bollock]
Det. Harvey Bullock: That's as far as you go, murderer.

Tim Drake: They've got him downtown. I figure we break in, take out the guards, and spring Nightwing and Alfred at the same time.
Batman: No.
Tim Drake: What do you mean?
Batman: It's over, Tim. Gordon feels betrayed, and maybe he was. He won't give up until he gets me. You have to leave me now. Give yourself up. No one will blame you for what happened.
Tim Drake: What about you?
Batman: ...I don't know

Bane: [Wiping blood from his jaw] You would fight to the death?
Batman: It makes no difference now.

Bane: Time to die!
Batman: You first.

Nightwing: I never thought it would end this way. For us or for Barbara. I still don't know everything that happened.
Batman: I'll never forget. I see it as clearly as the day of my parents' murder. Scarecrow had seized control of City Hall. While we polished off his goon, the maniac ran. Barbara went after him...


"Batman: The Ring of Wax (#1.23)" (1966)
Moth: [about Batman] Oh, he, he looks so handsome beneath that mask.
The Riddler: A diamondback rattlesnake is a handsome creature, too, but dangerous and deadly. Remember, Moth, Batman is our sworn enemy. We can Ill afford such emotions as pity...
Batman: [regaining consciousness] Where am I?
The Riddler: Ah, you could say you're in the proverbial pickle, Batman.

The Riddler: For two people about to become human candles, you have a lot of questions.
Batman: I'm always interested in the way the criminal mind works.
The Riddler: Well then, I'll tell you.

Batman: [Speaking to the librarian] Have you seen any unusual looking people around here?
Miss Prentice: Unusual? In what way, unusual?
Batman: Their garb. For instance, a man wearing a bright green suit with big black question marks on it.
Miss Prentice: Let me think a moment. No, I can't say that I have offhand, but then I see so many people in the course of a day.

Batman: If only the Riddler's inventive mind could be channeled for good, what a better world this would be.

Robin the Boy Wonder: That orange color, doesn't that mean uranium?
Batman: Right on the nose, Robin, you're catching on fast.
Robin the Boy Wonder: [flattered] No kidding? Gee!


"Batman: Ring Around the Riddler (#3.2)" (1967)
Batman: It's lucky you were in the vicinity of Gotham Square Garden.
Batgirl: Yes, luck is an important weapon to a woman crime fighter, Batman.

Commissioner Gordon: What happened to Batgirl?
Chief O'Hara: Begorrah, she's gone!
Robin: Into thin air.
Batman: Her particular brand of vanishing cream. Another weapon in her arsenal.

Batman: [about to box against The Riddler] This is ridiculous. He's smaller than you are.
[indicating Robin]

Batman: Any final riddles, Riddler?
Riddler: [clearly on his last legs] Yes. What do you throw away that keeps returning?
Batman: A boomerang.
Riddler: Correct. And I'm a boomerang. And I... shall be... back.
[faints]

Robin: Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great!
Batman: Beware of strong stimulants, Robin.


"The New Batman Adventures: Cult of the Cat (#2.3)" (1998)
Catwoman: [Batman unexpectedly finds Catwoman napping in his Batmobile] About time you got here.
Batman: Let me guess. You needed a warm place to spend the night.
Catwoman: Kind of.
Batman: I know of one. Jail.

Catwoman: After what I just did for you, you don't trust me?
Batman: I might have been knocked out twice tonight, but I still have my long-term memory.

Catwoman: [about the Cat Cultists] And you can't get rid of them. They're like old boyfriends or warts.
Batman: And you figured I'd save your skin.
Catwoman: That's what you do, isn't it?
Batman: Normally, but it'll cost you.
Catwoman: Mmm. What do you have in mind?
Batman: Everything you've ever stolen. It all goes back to the owners.
Catwoman: You're crazy. That's my life's work you're talking about.
Batman: All right, then.
[Batman slows down the Batmobile, allowing the Cultists to catch up]
Catwoman: We got a deal. Drive!

Batman: It's some kind of cult.
Catwoman: Some detective. I could have told you that.
Batman: It began in ancient Egypt. The cult worshiped cats, and one of their holiest rites was theft.
Catwoman: Wait a minute. Cat worship? Theft? Those guys should be praying to me.
Batman: Not likely.

Batman: Tell me where Catwoman is?
Martin: Wh-Where are you?
Batman: Wrong answer. You're fond of cats, aren't you? Maybe you'll like my favorite animal.
[Unleashed a colony of bats towards Martin]


"Batman: Holy Rat Race (#1.18)" (1966)
Leo Gore: I say, there was one little thing you might call peculiar.
Robin: What is it?
Leo Gore: The young lady who paid for the announcement. She was not only staggeringly beautiful, she had green hair.
Robin: Green hair... holy wigs!
Batman: Blaze.
Leo Gore: Does that mean anything to you?
Batman: Indeed it does. Good observation, Gore. Darn good observation!

False Face: What? Is it possible?
Batman: Not only possible, but true.
False Face: Please! Not that word!

Commissioner Gordon: [referring to False Face] He must be stopped.
Batman: No. He must be encouraged, enticed, and only then... entrapped.
Chief O'Hara: But how?
Batman: By falsehood.

Batman: The old Bioscope Studios, it's been abandoned for years...
Robin: False Face must have his hideout here in the crumbling sets and faded false fronts.
Batman: We'll expose his concealments to the light of day and put him behind real bars.

False Face: But I blew up the Batmobile. I saw it go!
Batman: Not exactly, False Face. You destroyed a false Batmobile. An inflated duplicate that I prepared for just this kind of situation.


"Batman: Give 'Em the Axe (#1.24)" (1966)
Batman: [Freeing Robin from the rack] Robin, are you all right?
Robin: I'm just a little sore, Batman, that's all.
Batman: Well, one of Aunt Harriet's good nourishing meals will set everything right again!
Robin: I sure worked up an appetite, I'll tell you that!

Moth: [as Batman turns Moth over to the police] Oh, Batman, honey, Moth's learned her lesson. Really she has! Crime doesn't pay!
Batman: Unfortunately you learned your lesson too late, Moth. A Moth that plays around candles is bound to be burned.

Batman: Remember, Riddler, you can't buy friends with money.
The Riddler: With money, who needs friends?

Batman: Keep in touch with me on your throat communicator.
Robin: [climbing a building] Golly, Batman, I hope we're not too late.
Batman: I join you in that hope.

The Riddler: You lied to me, Boy Wonder!
Batman: A little white lie is excusable when dealing with the likes of you, you black-hearted scoundrel!


"Justice League: Twilight (#2.1)" (2003)
Superman: You don't know Darkseid like I do.
Batman: We know he used you. Humiliated you. Brainwashed you. Wound you up like a tin soldier and turned you loose against Earth. Cry me a river! On the outside chance that this isn't another one of his schemes, we have to take action. So I suggest you GET OVER IT!

Batman: [stumbles over to a stone ledge and sits down with his hand on his middle after going through the Boom Tube] *That* was fun.

Batman: Apparently Darkseid and Highfather exchanged sons as part of some kind of peace-treaty.
[Wonder Woman stares]
Batman: Sounds wacky to me too.

Wonder Woman: [after he blasts his way out of the beast's mouth] You all right?
Batman: Peachy.

Batman: [Forager reveals Orion is literally above him and points out a floating city which demands attention with how impressive it is] I'm gonna need a longer grapple.


Batman: Rise of Sin Tzu (2003) (VG)
[Sin Tzu has imprisoned Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Harley Quinn and the Joker]
Batman: What happened to all of them?
Sin Tzu: Control the mind, the body rapidly follows.
Batman: Why did you choose Scarecrow, Clayface and Bane to lead the attack?
Sin Tzu: Let's just say they were less... unpredictable.
Batman: But they failed.
Sin Tzu: It was essential that they did.

Batman: On slow nights, I come back to Crime Alley. Keeps my skills sharp. Some call it Purgatory. I call it practice.

[a two-foot-tall Clayface faces Batman]
Clayface: Time to end it, one way or the other, Batman.
Batman: Too bad you're only half the monster you used to be.
Clayface: Children, come to me.
[Clayface's clay soldiers approach from all angles, and Clayface reabsorbs them, growing several feet and looming over Batman]
Clayface: Still look like an easy fight, Batman?
Batman: No, just a good one.

Batman: You made the worst mistake a general can make.
Sin Tzu: And what would that be?
Batman: You misjudged your enemy. My motives are nothing like yours.
Sin Tzu: Savor sweet victory now, Batman, for there will be another day.
Batman: Don't count on it.

Batman: The battle is fully joined, albeit its outcome is a certainty.
Sin Tzu: First rule of war, Sin Tzu: there are no certainties.


"Batman: The Penguin's Nest (#2.27)" (1966)
Lurch: [pops his head out a window as Batman and Robin are climbing the wall outside, interrupting his harpsichord practice] Ohhhhhhhh. It's youuuuuu, Batman... gave me quite a startle.
Batman: Yes, citizen, you may return to your harpsichord.
Robin: We're on official business!
Lurch: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Commissioner Gordon: You make something of this enigma, Batman?
Batman: It sticks out like Penguin's nose. For some sinister reason that pompous bird wants to be arrested.
Commissioner Gordon: Good heavens!
Chief O'Hara: But why?

Batman: [Chief O'Hara grabs The Penguin with intent of arresting him] No, Chief, no.
Chief O'Hara: What?
Batman: He was merely baiting us. Don't swallow.
Robin: Have a heart, Chief, Penguin didn't mean any harm.
Commissioner Gordon: [almost illegible with a face full of custard pie] Didn't mean any harm?
Chief O'Hara: Hittin' a Police Commissioner in the puss with a pie?

Robin: [climbing a building with their Bat-ropes] It's sure a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme.
Batman: Look at it this way, Robin: that hundred dollar cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's terrific chow is hardly within the budget of the average worker.
Robin: Gosh, yes, you're right Batman. All the needy people in the world. The hungry children...
Batman: Good thinking, Robin.

Batman: My hunch is right, Robin. It all fits like my glove.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Darkseid Descending! (#2.23)" (2010)
Batman: Good job, Firestorm. But remember, archenemies can be a deadly business.
Firestorm: [about Killer Frost] Great. Now she's your ex and your archenemy.
Ronnie Raymond: [scoffs] Like there's a difference.

Batman: Two weeks ago, I've sent The Question on a mission to uncover information on the possibility of an imminent Earth invasion. He hasn't been heard from since.
Blue Beetle: Invasion? From where?
Batman: Apokolips.
Ice: Home of the Parthenon.
Batman: No, a distant world enslaved by the most evil beings in the known universe.
Ice: [gasps] The Greeks!

Batman: Think you could give us some cover?
Fire: Not um problema, Batman.
Ice: That is Portuguese for "No problem."

Batman: If this works, we might just have a chance.
Aquaman: If? Since when has any plans of Batman's ever failed?
[Parademons bust in through the ceiling]
Batman: Impossible. Our signal strength is triple-encoded, cross-routed over a dozen satellite feeds. Untraceable, unless...
Booster Gold: Texting the publicist. How many D's in Armageddon?

Batman: You want this world, yet you're afraid to win it in a fair fight. How long has it been, Darkseid, since you've faced a mere mortal without hiding behind your godlike powers?
Darkseid: A blatant attempt to taunt me into combat. But in truth, it has been an eternity since I've exercised purely physical force. And I relish the opportunity.


"Batman: Minerva, Mayhem and Millionaires (#3.26)" (1968)
[at Minerva's spa]
Batman: Yes, I'm looking forward to Minerva's famous eggplant-jelly vitamin scalp massage.
Atlas: Minerva thought you might pop into the Persimmon Pressurizer first.
Robin: Persimmon Pressurizer? Holy astringent plum-like fruit!
Batman: Only astringent until ripe, Robin.
Apollo: I think you'll find the experience most palatable. This way, gentlemen.

Robin: [grumbling over their dire predicament] Holy human-pressure cookers.
Batman: An apt expression, Robin. Too apt.

Commissioner Gordon: Batman, how could you have opened a vault, to which you didn't even know the combination, in three seconds flat?
Batman: [holds up a small hand-held device] With my "Three Second's Flat Bat Vault Combination Unscrambler", Commissioner.
Chief O'Hara: Amazing!

[series' last lines]
Robin: What happened to Batgirl?
Batman: Who knows, Robin? Who *ever* knows?

Batman: We'd like the full treatment, please.
Minerva: Well of course. Register for both. Yourself and your son.
Batman: [awkward pause] Although I'd proud if he were, this is not my son, this is Robin the Boy Wonder. I'm Batman.
Minerva: Oh, I'm so sorry, I couldn't recognize your face. But your physique was very familiar...
[another awkward pause on Batman's part]


"CollegeHumor Originals: Batman vs the Penguin" (2013)
Commissioner Gordon: Batman, you have to know what dea-I mean, your parents were shot and killed.
Batman: My parents were shot, yes, but they're alive. On a special farm.
Penguin: Oh, boy.
Commissioner Gordon: They're on a farm?
Batman: They're on a special happy farm, where they make buttermilk. They romp and play. There's a hammock made of dreams.
Penguin: I-I can't even...
Batman: They write me emails.

Batman: [about his enemies after he kills them] They go to sleep, like me. Then they wake up, like me. Usually with a boner. I call it the bat signal!

Penguin: Batman, what do you have on your wrists?
Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads!

Batman: My fish. He went to sleep and we flushed him down the toilet. He's in the ocean right now. He's alive.
Penguin: No, he's dead.
Batman: Doctor Fishy! No!
Commissioner Gordon: You see Batman, what you did to Doctor Fishy is what you've done to these men.
Batman: I overfed these men?

Commissioner Gordon: [after Batman kills Penguin with an assualt rifle] What happened to no guns?
Batman: This is a gun?
[Penguin's dead body flinches and Batman opens fire hitting him in the chest, stomach, legs etc]
Commissioner Gordon: You're an idiot!
Batman: Ssh! Not so loud.


Batman and Robin (1949)
Batman: Run the usual test for invisible ink. I'll change and go entertain Vicki.
Robin: You better be careful. I think she's beginning to get wise that Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same.
Batman: Well, if she gets too close, we know how to throw her off the trail.

Robin: What's botherin' you?
Batman: Harrison's safety. The Wizard must have heard that broadcast - perhaps he even inspired it.
Robin: Harrison's decision really must have knocked the props out from under his blackmail scheme.
Batman: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. What's to prevent the Wizard from attacking Harrison on his way here?
Robin: Batman and Robin might.

Vicki Vale: Untie me please!
Batman: Haven't got time; you'll be all right. Don't go away!

Vicki Vale: Will you do me a favor?
Batman: Certainly.
Vicki Vale: I'm going to have dinner with Bruce Wayne, will you join us?
Batman: That's very nice of you.
Vicki Vale: Then you'll come?
Batman: Of course!

[last lines]
[Vickie receives a phone call from "Bruce Wayne" that is actually a recording]
Bruce Wayne: Vickie, I'm sorry, I can't keep our date. I need a vacation; I'm leaving town for a week. You understand, don't you?
Vicki Vale: Well, of course, Bruce. You must be completely worn out.
[to Batman]
Vicki Vale: You know, I thought I had discovered your identity, but I just found out I was wrong.
Batman: Really? Who did you think I was?
Vicki Vale: Bruce Wayne. Wasn't that silly?
Batman: Yes, wasn't it?


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Shadow of the Bat! (#3.3)" (2011)
Batman: I trust you'll start work on a cure for her?
Etrigan: Before the rising of the sun, this reign of blood will be undone.
Batman: I'll take that as a yes.

Martian Manhunter: I sense you're trying to resist this evil, Batman. Open your mind so I can help you.
Batman: [manages to control the vampire within him; weakly] Destroy me, J'onn.

Batman: [to Martian Manhunter] You are the most powerful of them all. But every man has his weakness.

Batman: [to Martian Manhunter] I wonder fi your blood is green as well.

[last lines]
Jason Blood: How are you feeling, Batman?
Batman: Truth be told, I'm famished.


"Batman: Zelda the Great (#1.9)" (1966)
Batman: Meantime, let's ponder the crooks motive.
Chief O'Hara: A hundred-thousand smackers, that's the motive!

Batman: Exactly, which leads to only one possible conclusion:
Robin: The crook was a lady!
Batman: Hardly a lady, Robin, but female, yes.

Commissioner Gordon: The same strange pattern every year; precisely a hundred thousand each April first.
Chief O'Hara: Glory be! I've got it: it's to pay his income taxes!
Batman: A loyal tax payer stooping to criminal methods?
Chief O'Hara: Oh, sure, ah, whe - when you put it that way.
[looking down embarrassed]
Commissioner Gordon: I fear you're growing the cynical, Chief O'Hara; the notion of a faithful tax payer robbing a bank is clearly ridiculous.

Robin: What happened?
Batman: She's a master illusionist. She projected a false image with those tiny mirrors in her hat.


"Batman: The Thirteenth Hat (#1.13)" (1966)
Batman: I know Octave Marbot. I'm sitting for a statue he's making of me.
Robin: Statue? Holy happenstance!
Batman: Yes, Warden Crichton requested it. To exhibit at Gotham State Prison. To help inspire the convicts in his rehabilitation programme.

Mad Hatter: [disguised as artist Octave Marbot] I wonder what could be keeping Boy Wonder?
Batman: [bursting through door] Jervis Tetch! Your days of crime are over.
Mad Hatter: Not till I get your cowl, Batman, my thirteenth hat!

Mrs. Monteagle: You know, I'm sure the Communists had something to do with this!
Batman: I suspect the culprits can be found closer to home, Mrs. Monteagle.

Batman: Few men die of threats, Robin.


"Batman: I'll Be a Mummy's Uncle (#3.23)" (1968)
Robin: Batman teaches me a little poetry, in between remanding criminals to jail.
Batman: Enough prose and cons, Robin.

Batman: [H.L. Hunter begs Batman's forgiveness after mining beneath Bruce Wayne's property] It's obvious that you're an innocent miner, alright, you may go.

Batman: It's always darkest before the dawn, Robin.
Robin: I know, I know and a rolling stone gathers no moss.
Batman: And we shouldn't cry over spilled milk.
Robin: Or waste time with old cliché's.

Batman: Breaking world records is just part of crimefighting, Robin.


"Batman: The Joker Goes to School (#1.15)" (1966)
Cheerleader I: Hey, Batman, where's Robin?
Batman: [speaking through Bat-bulhorn] Attending school, just like as you are.
Cheerleader II: What school?
Batman: I can't tell you that, it might reveal his secret, true identity.

Batman: What's your name, son?
Dick Grayson: [stands up straight] Richard Grayson, sir.
Batman: Thank you, Richard. You darken the room, I'll man the projector.

Batman: [speaking through Bat-bullhorn] Boys and girls, go back to your studies. Believe me: nothing in life is free!

The Joker: [Batman prepares to arrest the Joker for loitering in the school] Wrong kiddies, look up the statute, in Gotham City the crime of loitering requires the loiterer to remain in the same spot for over two minutes.
Batman: You... you jailhouse lawyer!


"Batman: The Pharaoh's in a Rut (#1.28)" (1966)
Robin: Gosh, Batman, is there anything you don't know?
Batman: Oh yes, Robin, several things in fact.

Commissioner Gordon: [during television broadcast] You're leaving for Egypt?
Batman: On the first available jet. I have vital researches to perform.
Commissioner Gordon: But, Great Scott, Batman, what will become of us during your absence? Who will balk the criminal schemes of this madman who calls himself King Tut?
Batman: I pass the Egyptian ball to you, Commissioner.

Robin: Holy taxidermy! That dummy sure passed the test.
Batman: Indeed, Robin. Cum laude.

Batman: Now the hyenas are at the gate. Who knows what form they'll take?


"Batman Beyond: The Call: Part 2 (#3.8)" (2000)
Big Barda: [trying to get Batman to join the League full time] Come on. It'll put you one up on the old man. He never got past part-timer.
Superman: Yeah, he wasn't what you'd call a joiner.
Batman: Maybe we've got more in common than you thought.
[walks away from the League members]
Superman: More than you think, son. More than you think.

[Batman is fleeing an alien-possessed Superman in the Batmobile]
Batman: [to Bruce, on the radio] How fast does this thing go?
Bruce Wayne: Mach 3.
Batman: Is that faster than a speeding bullet?

Batman: The kryptonite was two inches from my hand. But I hesitated.
Bruce Wayne: Why?
Batman: The guy's the greatest hero who ever lived. Uh, one of the greatest.
Bruce Wayne: But now you know better.

Kai-Ro: What ever it is, it seems to have some how embedded itself in his skin.
Batman: Any chance of getting it off?
Kai-Ro: I must remind you, this not just one alien species before us, it's two. And I do not yet understand the subtleties of their interactions.
Rex Stewart: I'll take that as an I don't no.


"Batman: Penguin Is a Girl's Best Friend (#2.42)" (1967)
The Penguin: [the Penguin and his henchmen appear to br robbing an armoured car as Batman and Robin make their approach ] What are you buttinskies doing here?
Batman: Just a little scholary research, Penguin.
The Penguin: [Batman and Robin begin fighting the Penguin's henchmen] Stop! Stop this outrageous intrusion!
The Penguin: [the fighting continues] Cease I say! Cease and desist!
The Penguin: [Batman and Robin finish fighting the henchmen] Stop, you bumbling buffoons! This is legal, I tell you! It's legal!
Batman: Have you heard anything about legalized thievery, Robin?
Robin: Can't say that I have, Batman.
The Penguin: I'll wipe those silly smirks off your faces in court! I'll sue you for assault and battery, and aggravated interference!
Batman: You're witnessing the final disintegration of the criminal brain, Robin. Years of outlawry has taken it's inevitable toll.
Robin: But he's right about our being in court, Batman.
[to the Penguin]
Robin: We'll be the prosecution's star witnesses when they try you for armed robbery!

Batman: I think someone connected with the the Gotham City film decency league should take a look at this script.

Batman: [pointing his finger] Decency is everybody's business, Penguin!

Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: I trust you're going to enjoy this scene, Batman, darling.
Batman: I made a bargain with Penguin and I never break my word.
Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: Bargain? Why, half the men in the world would fight to be kissed by Marsha, Queen of Diamonds.
Batman: They certainly wouldn't have to fight me.


"Super Friends: The Baffles Puzzle (#1.2)" (1973)
Robin: [Batman sinks all the billiard balls at his first shot] That's an amazing feat.
Batman: Not so amazing, Robin. After all, there are only fifteen balls on the pool table.

Robber: Batman!
Batman: [grinning] How did you recognize me?

Batman: Beware of wires where wires shouldn't be.

Batman: This is no time to figure it out. Let's get out of here.


"Batman: The Sport of Penguins (#3.4)" (1967)
Batman: Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crime-fighting.

Batman: I'm sorry we worried you, Alfred, but even the Batmobile's library paste Bat-disolving switch got stuck.

Batman: Cleaning up crime is the dream of every good citizen, Batgirl. But one thought intrigues me: how did you know that Robin and I might be in trouble with Penguin in this glue-factory?
Batgirl: Through the one thing you couldn't possibly have in your utility belt, Batman... a woman's intuition.

Robin: [stuck by glue to the seats of the Batmobile] Holy mucilage!
Batman: [squirming to get loose] Yes, Robin, things are getting even stickier.


"Batman: Marsha's Scheme of Diamonds (#2.24)" (1966)
Marsha: [after Batman has apprehended her at the end of the episode] Well, I suppose this is the end of my little romp, eh, darlings?
Commissioner Gordon: A one- to ten-year end, at least.
Batman: I just hope it's taught you that diamonds aren't necessarily a girl's best friend, Marsha.
Marsha: Oh, Batman, darling, you are so divinely square!

Batman: [Batman stands at the wedding altar with Marsha as the bridal March plays] I... I...
Clergyman: Say "I do."
Batman: I...
Alfred: [Suddenly Alfred the butler walks into the chapel with Aunt Harriet dressed in black wearing a veil] Stop the wedding!
Clergyman: [All the guests begin murmuring] This is no time for pranks, my good man. We are in the midst of a sacred ceremony.
Alfred: I assure you, sir, this is no prank.
Marsha: Who are you?
Alfred: Ethelbert Soames, solicitor at law with the firm of Soames, Stillwell and Thistlewaite, Liverpool, England.
[Alfred then hands out his "business cards" to first the clergyman, then to Marcia the bride, then to Batman]
Alfred: My card. My Card. My Card.
[Batman's card reads as written "THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY, SIR"]
Clergyman: What has this to do with the wedding?
Alfred: Allow me to present my client. Formerly Miss Henrietta Tillitson of Morton in the Marsh, Gloucestershire.
Marsha: What do you mean "formerly"?
Alfred: I mean that for the last seven years, she has been Mrs. Batman.
Marsha: [the wedding guests gasps] Mrs Batman?
Alfred: Yes. If you care to examine the wedding certificate...
[Alfred hands over the wedding certificate to the clergyman]
Alfred: Duly attested by the registrar at Morton in the Marsh and dated seven years ago.
Clergyman: Why didn't you tell me about this, Batman?
Batman: It, uh, uh, it slipped my mind.
Clergyman: Slipped your mind, indeed. I am not in the practice of marrying bigamists.
[the angry clergyman walks out]
Marsha: Why, you two-timing Bat-Fink! How dare you leave a poor, defensless girl waiting at the altar.
Alfred: Not poor, I hope, madam. We are instituting a lawsuit for $1,000,000 for the alienation of the husband's affections.
Marsha: [Marcia gasps] Let's get out of here.
Batman: [after Marcia and the grand mogul exit the chapel, Batman steps closer to his supposed "wife of 7 years" who is really Aunt Harriet as she unveils herself to Batman's surprise] Mrs. Cooper!
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Why, I wasn't sure that you'd remember me, Batman.
Batman: Of course I remember you. I've always treasured our brief meetings. And I certainly want to thank you for the help you gave me here today.
Aunt Harriet Cooper: Oh, I'm glad. I was afraid you'd be angry with us for stretching the truth the way we did.
Batman: Not under the circumstances, believe me.

Alfred: If we can be of any further service, sir...
Batman: As a matter of fact, Mr...
Alfred: Alfred will do, sir.
Batman: As a matter of fact, Alfred, yes. Since Robin is currently out of commission, I'd appreciate it if you would accompany me in the batmobile.
Alfred: Certainly, sir. I've always wanted to ride in that ingenious vehicle.
Batman: Good.
[Batman turns back to Aunt Harriet]
Batman: Again my thanks, Mrs. Cooper. You were truly... superb!
Aunt Harriet Cooper: [And as Batman and Alfred leave the chapel, Aunt Harriet chuckles] Oh! Bruce will never believe it when I tell him.

Robin: A cauldron of creeps, Batman!
Batman: Well put, Robin.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Christmas with the Joker (#1.38)" (1992)
Robin: Come on, Batman, it's Christmas Eve. Let's kick back and get into the spirit.
Batman: The Joker's escaped from Arkham Asylum, Robin.
Robin: And you really think he's gonna make his move on Christmas Eve? Even scums spend the holidays with their families.
Batman: He has no family.
Robin: Okay, I'll make a deal with you. If we go out on patrol and Gotham is quiet, with no sign of the Joker, we come back here, have Christmas dinner and watch "It's A Wonderful Life".
Batman: You know, I've never seen that. I could never get past the title.
Robin: It's a deal, then?
Batman: Deal.

Robin: Well, Batman, you were sure right about the Joker. Any leads?
Batman: I've accessed Gotham's electrical mainframe. And I am zeroing in on the power surges to pinpoint the location of Joker's broadcast signal. That's it!
Robin: I don't know, Batman. It seems too easy.
Batman: It's never easy with the Joker.

Batman: Keep your eyes open for the Joker.
The Joker: I'll save you the trouble, Batman! Come and get your Christmas present, or the kiddies get it!
Batman: Let them go, Joker. It's me you want.
The Joker: Merry Christmas, Batman!

Batman: Merry Christmas, Joker.
The Joker: Bah, humbug!


"Batman: The Entrancing Dr. Cassandra (#3.25)" (1968)
Batman: A gun? Aren't you a little above that sort of thing, Dr. Cassandra?
[speaking condenscendingly slow]
Batman: No... style...
Dr. Cassandra: This is the kickiest weapon you've ever dug, Batman. My own unpatented Alvino Raygun, and it's the last thing you're about to see.

Robin: [Batman has put Batgirl to sleep, so she won't learn the location of the Batcave] You know something, Batman?
Batman: What's that, Robin?
Robin: She looks very pretty when she's asleep.
Batman: I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum.

Batman: Perhaps, we've all been intentionally baffled - the way a magician operates: now you see it, now you don't.
Robin: Holy disappearing act!

Barbara Gordon: [about Dr. Cassandra] Is she really a doctor?
Batman: She isn't even a nurse.


"Batman: Walk the Straight and Narrow (#2.2)" (1966)
Batman: To the Batboat via Batmobile!

Batman: That's correct, Robin. It's as plain as the masks on our faces.

Batman: I doff my cowl to you, Maid Marilyn.

Batman: We've got your number, Archer!
The Archer: Impossible, my dear Sheriff of Gotham-ham! My number's unlisted!


"Batman: The Greatest Mother of Them All (#2.9)" (1966)
Batman: Come on, Robin. Let's help a little old lady across the street... and into the penitentiary!

Batman: Why... this criminal record is incredible.
[raises voice]
Batman: How, gentlemen, how has this Ma Parker remained at large?
Commissioner Gordon: She's crafty, Batman, she's clever, but most of all, she's motherly.

Robin: Holy gunpowder, Batman! What can we do?
Batman: Remember, Robin, they say an army travels on its stomach.
Robin: I get it, Batman! We crawl along the roof!

Batman: She has to be someplace, and someplace in Gotham City where she can more or less melt into the background.
Robin: Holy camouflage!
Batman: Exactly!


"Batman: Batman Stands Pat (#1.14)" (1966)
Batman: Twelve hats, twelve people. But why, Robin? What comes in twelves?
Robin: Donuts! Ehm, horsepower? Eh, amendments? Mile limits? Noon, midnight?

Lisa: Sorry I'm late, Jervis, but I needed a pedicure.
Robin: The girl from Magda's!
Batman: Up to her pretty neck in evil.
Mad Hatter: You're just in time. Batman and Robin are about to undergo a treatment I usually reserve for rabbits, muskrats and beavers.
Lisa: Jervis, how droll! Do get on with it though, then perhaps you can take me for a bite to eat.

Batman: How could I have been so stupid?
Robin: All in all, Batman, you've been pretty busy.

Mad Hatter: And now, Caped Crusader, you will take off your cowl and hand it over. Then you will sit for your photograph for all the world to see. After that, I will take you on a personally conducted tour of my hat factory.
Batman: I'll have to be dead before you get my cowl.
Mad Hatter: Then we'll start with the hat factory. Straight ahead, please.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: It Takes Two to Make a Team/Opera Buffa (#1.17)" (1969)
Joker: No safe is safe from me.
[opens the safe entrance to see Batman's head there]
Batman: Except this one, Joker.

Batman: Now it's a Rogues' Gallery, not a monument.

Batman: Now, Robin, we've got to make up for our own opera, The Revenge of the Caped Crusaders.

Batman: You can't trap ghosts.


"Batman: The Animated Series: If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich? (#1.41)" (1992)
[after Batman re-wires the Hand of Fate to fly over the maze to the center]
The Riddler: That is grand-scale cheating, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate!
Batman: I don't believe in fate!

The Riddler: You may not believe in Minotaurs, either, but you'll still have to answer the riddle.
Minotaur: I have millions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I rule two hemispheres. What am I?
Batman: That's simple: the human brain.
[the Minotaur robot shuts down]
Batman: It has millions of visual and auditory nerves, four lobes, two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects.
The Riddler: A lucky guess, that's all, but it won't save you, Batman!

[as Batman and Robin enter the "Riddle of the Minotaur" maze]
The Riddler: But remember: you'll have to answer the riddle of the Minotaur, too.
Batman: I can hardly wait.
[to Robin]
Batman: How far did you say you'd gotten in the game?
Robin: Gee, I'm not sure. Maybe halfway?
Batman: Already I love this.

Batman: I'll find Mockridge if I have to tear this place apart, Nygma.
The Riddler: I doubt it, I made sure the perils are quite lethal. You have eight minutes, gentlemen, then Mockridge becomes the only good corporate shark: a dead one.


"Justice League: Injustice for All (#1.18)" (2002)
Hawkgirl: I'm used to being thanked when I save someone.
Batman: I'm not used to being saved.

Batman: [to the covered figure] You're safe now.
Cheetah: But you're not.
[leaps up to attack]

Superman: I'm heading down to Stryker's to interrogate them.
Batman: [starting to rise] All right. Let's go.
Superman: No. You're staying here. That venom almost killed you.
Batman: So?
Superman: So, you're staying here.

J'onn J'onzz: You really should be resting... I know this must be hard for you, feeling vulnerable. You're the only one of us who doesn't have special powers. But you don't have to prove yourself. You're a valued member of this team and we're only trying to...
Batman: I'm taking the shuttle.


Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe (2008) (VG)
Batman: [Batman drives around in his Batmobile with a defeated Scorpion, then a doll resembling The Joker appears on the windshield and Batman stops the Batmobile before the doll explodes] I don't have time for this nonsense.
[Gets out of the Batmobile]
The Joker: No, no, no! You were supposed to die when the clown exploded.
Batman: Sorry to ruin your night, Joker.

Batman: [Having Liu Kang tied up in the UN Space Station] Computer, match the blood of Liu Kang with any of the known alien DNA that we have in the data base.
[the computer could not match Liu Kang's blood with any of the alien DNA]
Batman: Hmmm. I need to know that if I can expect anymore...
[Alarm sounds]
Batman: visitors.
Raiden: [Appears] You will release Liu Kang at once.
[Zaps Batman who gets up easily]
Batman: Let me guess, you are from the same world as Liu Kang and Scorpion.
Raiden: How is it possible?
Batman: Insulated armor.
Raiden: Release Liu Kang.
Batman: First, I need answers.
Raiden: Rlease Liu Kang, or I will take him from you.
Batman: [after Batman defeats Raiden, Raiden gets up and goes to Liu Kang and escapes with him, then Batman sees Earth with yellow lines cutting through it] Its worse than I expected. Much worse.

Batman: Alright, Joker. You wanted me?
The Joker: [Coming in] Well, well. If it isn't Batman. Sorry about before, you know: the *running away*, that was rude of me. You'll be happy to know I won't be running away anymore.
Batman: I know you have a trick up your sleeve.
The Joker: [Checks his right sleeve] Nothing up this sleeve, let's check the other one.
[Checks his left sleeve]
The Joker: Nope, nothing up my sleeves.
Batman: [Becoming angry] I don't have time for this.
[Is pushed to the ground by The Joker]
The Joker: Now, you're all mine!
[Defeats Batman]
The Joker: I did it, I beat Batman!
[laughs maniacally]
The Joker: I win, I win, I win, I win, I win.
Batman: [Gets up] Not yet.
[Tazes The Joker]
Batman: You cannot *rage* if you're out cold.

Catwoman: [after being defeated by The Flash] This is why I don't play nice with you hero types.
Kano: [Coming in and picking up a valuable item that Catwoman dropped] Ooh. This is a bit of tardy some.
The Flash: Alright, what's your deal?
[Then is effected by the Kombat rage]
Kano: You don't look so good, matey.
Catwoman: I'll take that.
[Takes the item from Kano]
Kano: Hey.
[Catwoman then disappears in a portal]
The Flash: Alright, hand over the gem.
Kano: Can't, matey. She took it.
The Flash: And you helped her escape?
Kano: I don't like your attitude, you need to be taught some manners.
[Then Kano shoots lasers from his eyes but The Flash dodges out of the way]
Kano: You give Kabal a run for his money.
The Flash: My turn.
[He fights Kano and defeats him, then has Kano by the neck and is about to kill him and Batman appears]
Batman: Who is that man, and what are you doing here in Gotham?
The Flash: Batman. This freak, this freak tried to kill me. Now, I'm gonna return the favor.
Batman: No, you're not. It's clear that something's wrong with you. The Flash I know doesn't kill.
The Flash: He does now.
[Fights Batman and defeats him]
The Flash: I thought you were a master of hand-to-hand combat.
Batman: [Tazes The Flash] I am.


"Batman: Enter Batgirl, Exit Penguin (#3.1)" (1967)
Batman: Well, we've managed to clip Catwoman's claws once again. She won't be troubling Gotham City for a long while.
Robin: She sure led us a chase, Batman. If I never hear another one of those miauws it will be too soon.
Batman: I'm afraid your eardrums aren't going to get much of a rest, or had you forgotten that Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson invited Chief O'Hara and Commissioner Gordon to the opera tonight?

The Penguin: You're about to witness the coup of the century. The world's leading arch-criminal becomes the son-in-law of a police commissioner.
[laughs]
The Penguin: I don't know whether to call him 'daddy' or just 'commish'.
Batman: [the Dynamic Duo have climbed in through the window without a sound] If I were you, Penguin, I'd call 'help', right now.
Robin: When we get through with you, Penguin, you'll be hollering 'uncle' instead of 'daddy'!

The Penguin: Well, Dynamic Dupes, how does it feel to be a couple of human teabags?
Batman: Steaming us to death will do you no good, Penguin, the law will get you in the end.

Batman: It's Alfred's emergency belt-buckle Bat-call signal! He's in trouble!


Movie 43 (2013)
Fake Batman: Excuse me, I'm gonna go do some Batman-ing.

Fake Robin: Wait, let me get this straight. So you knew all the way back then? You knew that she was a dude?
Fake Batman: Whole time.
Fake Robin: Why did you make me kiss her? Him. It. This.
Fake Batman: I don't know. I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuckarounds.

Fake Supergirl: Hi, I'm Supergirl.
Fake Robin: My name...
Fake Batman: [under the table speaking on an earpiece feeding to Robin's ear] I'm Robin.
Fake Robin: [to Supergirl] ... Hi, I'm Robin.
Fake Batman: [to Robin] Um, so where are you from?
Fake Robin: So where are you from?
Fake Supergirl: Krypton.
Fake Robin: Oh, Krypton. That's, that's, uh...
Fake Batman: Oh shit.
Fake Robin: Oh shit.
Fake Batman: Dude, I can see her snatch.
Fake Robin: Dude I can s... uh...
Fake Batman: Oh my god, I can't believe the size of this thing. It's like a giant fucking cornfield, it's enormous down here. It's crazy, look at that, I feel like at any moment Shoeless Joe Jackson can walk out of that and I can play catch with him.
Fake Robin: Krypton, like the... I hear it's really nice. I have never been...
Fake Supergirl: You didn't hear that the sun supernova'd and destroyed our entire race?
Fake Batman: I'd wash dishes with it...
Fake Robin: Did it? I did not...
Fake Batman: It's a huge, bushy catastrophe down here. I feel like Sean Penn should do a benefit for this thing.
[Supergirl's expression changes]
Fake Robin: What? Oh, no. You can hear him, can't you...
Fake Supergirl: Yeah, I can hear him! I can also see Batman underneath the table.
Fake Robin: 'Cause of the X-ray vision, of course.
Fake Supergirl: No, I can just see him. It's a café table. I mean, it's really obvious.
Fake Batman: [pops head from under the table, to Supergirl] Hi.
Fake Supergirl: Hi.
[storms off]
Fake Robin: I'm so sorry about your family dying.

Fake Robin: What the hell are you doing here, Batman? You're gonna ruin this!
Fake Batman: Calm down! Look, I read on Twitter that a supervillain is gonna bomb this loser meet-and-greet so I'm here to save the day like I do all the time. I mean, you know, it's my thing. I'm the Batman.


"The All-New Super Friends Hour: The Brain Machine/Joy Ride/Invasion of the Earthors/The Whirlpool (#1.1)" (1977)
Batman: Fresh fruits and vegetables make some of the best snacks there are.

Batman: This calls for the Bat-Ski-Lift.

Dr. Cranum: I don't understand. How could I have failed with such superior intelligence?
Wonder Woman: It's not a super intellect that's important.
Batman: It's how you apply it.

Batman: The bigger they are, the deeper they fall.


"Batman: True or False Face (#1.17)" (1966)
Batman: Blaze. She's as elusive as a flickering flame.
Robin: I'll bet that's how she earned her nickname.
Batman: I warrant you, we'll snuff out her fiery criminal career.

Blaze: Oh, Batman, whould you get me a candy bar, please?
Batman: Candy?
[thinks for a moment]
Batman: Actually, fresh fruit is much more healthful.

Batman: False Face, you'll regret this... eventually.

Blaze: Forgive me, Batman!
Batman: Of course, Blaze. Any young girl might follow the wrong impulse. I forgive you.


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Underdwellers (#1.27)" (1992)
Sewer King: [after Batman saves him from a subway train] Why? Why? Why?
Batman: I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - THIS TIME - I am sorely tempted to do the job myself.

Batman: Grab my hand!
Sewer King: Never!
[Lets go and falls]
Batman: A gruesome fate for a gruesome man.
Sewer King: [alive and well] I rather enjoyed it.

[Batman has just saved some kids from playing chicken on the railroad tracks]
Batman: You play chicken long enough, you fry.

Batman: Children and guns do not mix. Ever.


"Super Power Beat Down: Batman vs. Deadpool (#1.8)" (2013)
[to Catwoman, who is securely bound to a chair]
Batman: You're running out of lives.

[Batman rams one of Deadpool's swords completely through his body, then breaks his neck]
Batman: You talk too much.

Deadpool: World's greatest detective, my ass! Apparently, you just don't get it, Batman. You see, I... just... can't... die.
Batman: I'm counting on it.
[Batman clicks a remote and two rocket launchers rise out of the Batmobile]
Deadpool: Uh-oh.

[Batman turns to free Catwoman, but sees her twirling the handcuffs that had manacled her on her finger]
Catwoman: Took you long enough.
[Catwoman strides past Batman, then quickly pivots and kisses him passionately]
Batman: Women.


Son of Batman (2014) (V)
Batman: You look like you've been working out, Croc. The tail's new.
Killer Croc: Yeah, got an upgrade.

Batman: Alfred?
Batman: Yes, sir.
Batman: We're going to have company.
Alfred Pennyworth: A sleepover? Oh, goody.

Damian Wayne: I wanna help. Like he used to.
Batman: Bad enough you've given yourself away and let them know we're onto them, but you're letting vengeance guide you.
Damian Wayne: You've never felt vengeful?
Batman: Every day. You have to keep your center, Damian. You can't fight crime by becoming a criminal. From now on, stay close. That's an order.

Talia al Ghul: I thank you for my life and the life of my son.
Batman: Our son.
Talia al Ghul: I need to rebuild the League. Make it stronger, better. Come with me. You and I, together with Damian, would be invincible.
Batman: The best way to fix the League is to disband it.
Talia al Ghul: If only it were that easy. Damian should stay with me. He will want to be with his mother.
Batman: He's Robin now. He stays with the Batman.


"Batman: Hot Off the Griddle (#2.3)" (1966)
Robin: [after being shot with tranquilizer darts] Holy D'Artagnan!
Batman: You've made your point!

Batman: You'd set a thief to catch a thief; you'd set some cheese to catch a mouse; to catch this breed of cat, you'd set...
Robin: A bird!
Batman: Correct, Robin. And what kind of bird?
Robin: A canary!
Batman: You've done it again, old chum.

Batman: You witch!
Catwoman: Batman! With all your many attributes, you haven't learned the first thing about good manners. A gentleman would kiss a lady's hand.
Batman: You are not a lady!

Catwoman: It's too bad it had to end now, guys. But look at it this way: you will have starred in a new show.
Batman: What's that?
Catwoman: Bat on a hot tin roof!
[Catwoman and her cat-burglars laugh]
Batman: That's not a bit funny.


Justice League: Gods and Monsters (2015) (V)
Wonder Woman: Why do you even listen? They hate us.
Superman: Don't let the crowds down there fool you, Bekka. They are not la gente común, the real people. There are many who would like nothing better than for us to take over. Tell her, Kirk.
Batman: Twenty-two percent domestically, twenty-nine percent worldwide.
Superman: Revolutions have been built on less. Imagine ending all ideological squabbling. No more war, no more insurrections. All those little dots down there connected to a single, productive purpose: a world brought together as one.
Wonder Woman: Under us?
Superman: Under us.
Wonder Woman: You just got less sexy.

Will Magnus: [Batman sees blood on Magnus] Go ahead.
Batman: [sprouts fangs and starts to lunge but then stops] Bet you taste like crap.

Batman: Where is Tina?
Will Magnus: She's dead. I killed her about a year into our marriage. It was an accident, I assure you. You see, I always knew she loved you. Even back in college, she was only really happy when the three of us were together. Even after I turned you into a monster, even after that, she still wanted you. She married me, but that was an obligation. She kept urging me to find a cure for you, every day, night and day, "Will, you've gotta do something! Will, you can't abandon him! Will! Will! Will!" She never let up! And finally, one day, I'd had it and I hit her!
[suddenly bereft]
Will Magnus: And her head struck a table. She was gone.

Will Magnus: If only she hadn't wanted you! You, who only loved your bats and test tubes!
Batman: Wrong. I loved two people in my life. And now they're both gone!


"Justice League: Tabula Rasa: Part II (#2.4)" (2003)
Amazo: You don't have any powers.
Batman: I have this.
[holds up Kryptonite, which flashes "Danger" on Amazo's scanner shortly before he buckles]
Batman: It's a package deal. You get our strengths, but you also get our weaknesses.

Hawkgirl: You always carry Kryptonite around with you?
Batman: Call it insurance.
Hawkgirl: And they say I'm scary.

Batman: Has anyone checked the sewer?
The Flash: Uh... maybe GL and the big guy need some backup.
[takes off]

Batman: Some people never learn. I guess that goes for androids too.


"Batman: The Funny Feline Felonies (#3.16)" (1967)
The Joker: Oh, I have to give you credit, Catwoman. I expected this place to be a shambles because of a fight.
[laughs]
Batman: [Batman & Robin arrive on the scene] As it may yet be, Joker!

Batman: [reading a message attached to a dart] This one was just a warning, Batman. The next one will be between your eyelids.
Commissioner Gordon: Any signature?
Batman: Signed: a well-wisher.
Chief O'Hara: Well, it seems like somebody is interested in your welfare.

Robin: That scrap of paper, Batman, it's gone!
Batman: Yes, Batgirl slipped it into her belt when she thought I wasn't looking.
Robin: You think she's trying to double cross us?
Batman: No, but she's a woman, Robin, with a woman's inborn desire to outsmart men.

Batman: [Batgirl has just saved the lives of Batman & Robin in the nick of time] What took you so long, Batgirl?
Batgirl: Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't have wanted me to speed, would you?
Robin: Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!
Batman: Rules are rules, Robin. But... you do have a point.


Justice League: The New Frontier (2008) (V)
Batman: [to John Jones] And one other thing, I'm not sure what you are or where you come from. But my instincts tell me you're to be trusted. Make no mistake, I have a $70,000 sliver of a radioactive meteor to stop the one from Metropolis. All I need for you is a penny for a book of matches.

J'onn J'onzz: I though I could make a life for myself here among you humans. I didn't think I had a choice. But there is one now. There's too much hatred here, too much ignorance, too much mindless conformity. I'm leaving.
Batman: Have a nice trip. Some of us don't have that luxury.

Robin: [to Batman, about Superman] Wow, you really do know him!
Superman: You must be Robin. I hear you're quite a detective.
Robin: Well, I try not to brag, but...
Batman: Have you finished your homework yet?
Robin: Uh... Right.
[Robin exits]
Superman: Hmm. New look, a sidekick. Do you mind if I ask?
Batman: As a matter of fact, I do. Let's just say I set out to scare criminals, not children.
Superman: Fair enough.

Batman: Welcome home, Mr J'onzz.
J'onn J'onzz: Why didn't you backhand me as you did the others?
Batman: That's my secret.


"CollegeHumor Originals: All-Nighter: Batman of the Office" (2014)
Batman: We're not your shields! We're not your trained monkeys doing whatever you say for your silly, little, online TV channel!
Commisioner Gordon: Why is that?
Batman: You want to do some half-baked, low-production value version of our thing where we just say catchphrases? How's this for a catchphrase!
[He and Commisioner Gordon flip Sam off]
Batman: You look like the kid from A Christmas Story grew up to be a hobbit! Fuck yourself! Right in your shirehole!

Sam: We're excited to have you here as an intern, Jim. I'm sorry things didn't work out at the Gotham P.D. What did you say you were doing for them again?
Commisioner Gordon: Commisioner.
Sam: Anyway, we're going to set you up with an intern. Sort of show you the lay of the land. This guy we've been working with for a couple of months. Oh, there he is.
Batman: Commisioner! Oh, looks like we're working together again!
Commisioner Gordon: [unenthused] Yeah.
Batman: But not fighting crime! Fighting all these inefficiencies!

Batman: Photocopier, photocopy!
Commisioner Gordon: I think you just hit the green button.
Batman: Okay. Photocopier, hit the green button. With science!

Batman: Who made your sandwich for you?
Commisioner Gordon: To tell you, my wife.
Batman: Oh, yeah.
Commisioner Gordon: Why? Who made your sandwich?
Batman: Alfred. What? No, no, no, no. My butler. Uhhh. The Wayne family butler, Alfred Pennyworth. Wait! Nope, Alf... ALF!
Commisioner Gordon: ALF.
Batman: ALF!
Commisioner Gordon: 80's TV icon ALF made your sandwich?
Batman: Yeah! Remember that show from the 80's? Hey, ALF! Make me a sandwich! No problem! He made me a sandwich! It's probably cat!


"Batman: The Joker's Flying Saucer (#3.24)" (1968)
Robin: Holy known unknown flying objects!
Batman: What?
Robin: Holy known unknown flying objects!

Mrs. Green: I'm sorry to be so lacking in details, gentlemen, but I thought the incident should be reported.
Chief O'Hara: Of course, Mrs. Green.
Batman: It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park - Gotham City Penal Code Section 32, Subsection 14.

Batman: Every receiving device around here has been broken. And by all rights, so should we have been.
Robin: Sure, Batman. If it hadn't been for our anti-thermal Bat-T-shirts we've been wearing lately.

Batman: Well Joker, it looks like you've flown your last saucer.


Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League vs. Bizarro League (2015) (V)
Batman: I keep my friends close, my enemies closer.
Superman: I hope not much closer than this. Hey... you're not implying that...

Cyborg: The man of steel just said I did great. Fist bump!
Batman: I don't fist bump.

Superman: Bruce Wayne
Batman: Hahah! I knew you'd use your ex-ray vision on me. But how did you see through my lead-lined mask?
Superman: I can't. But I can see that somebody stitched your name onto the elastic band of your underwear.
Batman: Alfred

Batman: Clark Kent
Superman: Hey, how do you know my secret identity?
Batman: I'm Batman.


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Man Who Killed Batman (#1.49)" (1993)
[Sid stumbles over a ledge and clutches Batman's cape, hampering the Knight]
Batman: Stop struggling! Let go!

[Batman disarms an armed Thorne]
Batman: That's for pulling a gun.
[He then throws Thorne into a table]
Batman: That's for the drugs.
[knocks Thorne unconscious]
Batman: And that's for any I missed.

Sidney Debris: Boy, am I glad to see you! Wait a minute... how come you're alive?
Batman: I rolled away from the tank before it exploded. Since you thought I was dead, I thought I'd follow you and find out about the drug racket.
Sidney Debris: Then... it was you who saved me from the Joker?
Batman: That's right.
Sidney Debris: Well, glad to be of service. See ya...
[walks off, but Batman grabs his jacket]
Batman: You're still an accomplice in Thorne's gang.
Sidney Debris: [sad laugh] Guess I just can't win for losing, huh?
Batman: Oh, I don't know. In the right environment, a man of your "dangerous reputation" could gain a lot of respect...


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Cat and the Claw Part I (#1.1)" (1992)
[Catwoman sees Batman for the first time]
Catwoman: Hmm, probably my imagination.
Batman: Probably not.
Catwoman: Magnificent.
Batman: I suggest you save your flattery for the judge.

Batman: If you think I've been bad news before...

Catwoman: You can't deny there's something between us.
Batman: You're right, and I'm afraid it's the law.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Harlequinade (#2.10)" (1994)
[fleeing the city]
Harley Quinn: But what about all our friends? Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat Guy and Lizard Man and Puppet Head and...
The Joker: What about them?
Batman: Don't forget your little pets!
Harley Quinn: [gasp] The babies! We can't leave the babies!
The Joker: I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go!

[Batman has released Harley Quinn from Arkham to help him find the Joker. While they are riding along in the Batmobile:]
Harley Quinn: [reaches for the dashboard] I want to listen to the radio!
Batman: Don't!
[She pushes a button, and a drag chute deploys from the Batmobile's rear, causing the car to swerve wildly, until Batman brakes to a stop]
Harley Quinn: Oops.
Batman: Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or *do* anything unless I tell you! GOT IT?
Harley Quinn: [small voice] Yes, sir.

Harley Quinn: Did you see the way I handled those creeps? Pow! Bam! Batgirl, eat your heart out!
Robin: What was she before she went bonkers?
Batman: A clinical psychiatrist.
Robin: Figures.


"Batman: Catwoman Goes to College (#2.49)" (1967)
Batman: Just a second while I retrieve my beanie, my hair, my tweezers, and my notes.

Batman: I've just perfected an Electronic Hair Bat-Analyzer which may hold the key to this baffling question.

Batman: Oh, Catwoman, Catwoman, will you never learn?


"Batman: The Duo Defy (#2.60)" (1967)
Robin: Holy escape hatch!
Batman: Yes, Robin, most refrigeration systems as large as this one in the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena have emergency exits.
Robin: It's lucky you remembered the one behind that vaporizing tube when you did.
Batman: You're seldom wrong, old chum, but a split second is longer than you realize.
Robin: Long enough for Mr. Freeze, so that he split too I see.
Batman: No doubt taking Professor Isaacson with him and his frosty convederates and Emma Strunk.
Robin: You mean Glacia Glaze?
Batman: No Robin, Emma Strunk.
Robin: [raises voice] No, you mean Glacia Glaze!
Batman: [raises voice also] No, Emma Strunk! Glacia Glaze is far too charming a pseudonym for one of her chilling corruption.

Robin: To the Batcave?
Batman: And up the Batpoles.
Robin: The Batpoles?
Batman: [stifling a yawn] Even crime fighters need their sleep, Robin.

Robin: Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?
Batman: A true crime fighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.


"Batman: The Clock King's Crazy Crimes (#2.11)" (1966)
Car Hop: May I recommend Batburgers?
Batman: Batburgers?
[car hop pulls out a sign]
Robin: [reading] "Trouble stealing your appetite?"
Batman: [reading] "Arrest it with our new Batburger."
Batman: I'm honored by this tribute, miss. Two Batburgers, medium-rare, and two glasses of orangeade... doubles.

[during a batclimb]
Robin: This should be good practice if something ever takes us to Mount Everest, Batman.
Batman: I think we'll be confining our campaign against evil to Gotham City for some time to come, old chum. It needs us.

Robin: [Batman and Robin are offered food at Dunbar drive-in] I am a little hungry.
Batman: Of course, Robin. Even crimefighters must eat. And especially you, you're a growing boy and you need your nutrition.
[Robin nods in agreement]


"Super Friends: Dr. Palagian's War (#1.5)" (1973)
Batman: [seeing him on a stingray] That's our Aquaman, always traveling in style.

Batman: Have a nice dip?
Aquaman: The usual dull trip.

Hutchinson: What should I do?
Batman: Take cover!


"Justice League: Fury (#1.14)" (2002)
Batman: It's an Amazon design, isn't it?
Wonder Woman: Yes, but it could be a forgery. Besides, Amazons don't steal. It's against our code. And we never leave the island.
Batman: Never.
[she looks back at him]

Batman: So this Aresia's not really an Amazon.
Hawkgirl: She's an orphan. It's hard to imagine what that kind of trauma could do to a child.

[last lines]
Hawkgirl: It's like some kind of plague. And half the city's got it.
Batman: Yes. The male half.


"CollegeHumor Originals: Batman and Superman Team Up" (2013)
Batman: [crying] I was a boy. Now I'm a bat!

Batman: My suit is cool cause I made it myself. Daddy's boy! You got a stupid S on your chest, in case we could forget who you are.
Superman: It's my people's symbol for hope.
Batman: Hope starts with an H, stupid!
Superman: Okay, stop!
Batman: Face it. You're lame.
Superman: You're wearing eye makeup!
Batman: Fuck you! I didn't just inherit my abilities from a different fucking atmosphere! This air makes me strong! Ya fucking nerd. With your nerd hair!

Superman: I didn't base my alter-ego on the musical Newsies.
Batman: Which Newsie did you base Clark Kent off of? Was it Crutchy?
Superman: I'm not Crutchy.
Batman: I'm getting a strong feeling that it was Crutchy.


"Batman: The Impractical Joker (#2.21)" (1966)
Robin: I'm afraid this could be a trap, Batman.
Batman: He who know how to fear, Robin, knows how to proceed with safety. A translation from the Latin.

Batman: A grown man like me should be prepared to meet his maker at any time. But not a boy like Robin.

The Joker: Have you a last word for posterity?
Batman: Only this, Joker: Evil sometimes triumphs temporarily, but never conquers!
The Joker: If I have time, Batman, I'll see that that is properly engraved on your tombstone.


"Batman: The Zodiac Crimes (#2.37)" (1967)
Robin: Gosh, Batman, you think he's already started?
Batman: Whenever Joker's involved, who knows when he started or what he started.

Batman: May I borrow your comb, Alfred?

Venus: Couldn't we call it off, Joker? "Mercy to a brave foe", and all that?
The Joker: You're losing your nerve, Venus. Which is a shame. But you're also losing your senses, which is criminal! Hold her.
[laughs as his goons grab Venus by the arms]
Venus: [turns to the imperiled Batman] Batman, I realize right now: I've made a terrible mistake.
Batman: Repence is better late than never, Venus.
The Joker: [pulls a face of disgust] Eew! You're making me ill! Ech.


Batman: Year One (2011) (V)
Batman: [to Jefferson Skeevers] You can never escape me. Nothing harms me. But I know pain. I know pain. Sometimes I share it with someone like you.

Batman: Twelve years. And the ache is still fresh. Like a raw angry nerve. But this isn't about healing. I'm not looking for closure.

Batman: [Batman invades a dinner party of Gotham City's criminal elite and their corrupted government officials who thought the new superhero would never bother them] Ladies, gentlemen, you've eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. But your feast is nearly over. From this moment on, none of you are safe.


Lego Dimensions (2015) (VG)
Wyldstyle: It's almost like... like we're in a video game.
Batman: That is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Batman: I ain't afraid of no ghost.

Batman: [to Doc Brown] Did you hit your head?


"Batman: Tut's Case Is Shut (#2.8)" (1966)
Batman: Too bad that such a distinguished professor in his twin trauma should become his own "Cavia porcellus".
Robin: Cavia porcellus?
Batman: Guinea pig.

Batman: [after taking King Tut's drug] Yes, your majesty. Of course, my good and friendly pharaoh. Your every wish is my command. I hear and obey.

Batman: Don't lose heart, Robin, here I come!


"Batman: The Clock King Gets Crowned (#2.12)" (1966)
Batman: 'Smithy' Smith was recently arrested for armed robbery. He's back pounding rocks.
Robin: I can just see him now, old 'Smithy' Smith. He used to be a real swinger in the safe and lock circuit. Now he's swinging a hammer on a rock pile.

Batman: And I find it only fitting that Clock King, who made times serve his crimes, must now serve time himself.

The Clock King: No! It can't be true. You're dead. You have to be dead!
Robin: [sarcastically gritting his teeth] Maybe we're living on... borrowed time.
Batman: But now, it's round-up time!


"Batman: The Bookworm Turns (#1.29)" (1966)
Batman: [about to fight the Bookworm's gang] Your glasses!
[to Robin]
Batman: Remember: never hit a man with glasses.

Batman: Another trap, of course.
Robin: You could say that again.
Batman: Another trap! And I intend to walk right into it.

Robin: Holy magic lantern! An immense picture of the new bridge!
Batman: Yes, he's blown it up all right.
Robin: Huh?
Batman: That photograph of the bridge, it's hugely enlarged. 'Blown up' in photographers lingo.
Robin: Gosh... what a tricky play on words.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Night of the Ninja (#1.28)" (1992)
[after Batman is weakened by the ninja's gas gun, Robin drives him away]
Robin: You all right?
Batman: Let's go.
[he walks off]
Robin: [as Batman] "Thanks for saving my bacon, Robin!"
[as himself]
Robin: Hey, no problemo, Batman!

Batman: [referring to the ninja] I know him.
Robin: Say WHAT?
Batman: He and Bruce Wayne were students together in Japan, a long time ago. His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good.
Robin: Yeah? How good?
Batman: GOOD.
Robin: I see.

Robin: I thought samurai lived by a code of honor. That gasgun wasn't exactly "According to Hoyle."
Batman: He's not samurai. He's NINJA. They're spies and assassins. Their only code is to get the job done.


"The New Batman Adventures: Never Fear (#1.4)" (1997)
Guru: If I were you, I wouldn't move.
Batman: You're not me.

Batman: Where's the gas?
Guru: Go ahead. Throw me in jail. It won't do you any good.
Batman: Who said anything about jail?
[Batman throws the Guru out the window, rope tied around his legs, leaving his dangling outside the building]
Robin: Batman!
Batman: Quiet.
Guru: [Whimperng] Help!
Batman: You didn't answer my question.
Guru: I-I can't! He'll kill me!
Batman: Death is death. Does it matter who administers it?
Robin: You're not really gonna - ?
Guru: No. No! No!
Batman: My question, remember?
Guru: He-he took the gas down to the 72nd Street subway station.
Batman: Why?
Guru: He's gonna fill the tunnels with it.
Batman: Just in time for rush hour.

[Robin throws a batarang around Batman, tying him up]
Batman: This isn't a time for games. Now, untie me.
Robin: It's no game. You're out of control.
Batman: You don't know what you're talking about.
Robin: That gas has affected you more than you think.
Batman: I told you I can handle it.
Robin: You can't! You're not even afraid to kill. I'll be back for you as soon as I can.
Batman: Robin, It's hard for me to say this, but you did the right thing. I was out of control, and you've made me see that.
Robin: I did what I had to.
Batman: What now?
Robin: I've got to stop The Scarecrow.
Batman: I can help you. I know him.
Robin: But...
Batman: Don't worry, you'll be the boss on this one.
Robin: ...You almost fooled me.
[Starts to walk away]
Batman: Untie me, you little... UNTIE ME!


"Challenge of the Superfriends: Trial of the SuperFriends/The Pied Piper from Space (#1.5)" (1978)
[first lines]
Batman: Radar scan is negative. Readings indicate there's nothing in the sky for 100 miles.

Batman: Quick, Robin! The Bat-Resin.

[last lines]
Batman: Right, Superman. And maybe someday they'll realize that they'll never win their battle against justice, or the SuperFriends.


"Batman Beyond: The Winning Edge (#1.9)" (1999)
[as Terry is on his way to find Bane]
Bruce Wayne: Remember, he was a formidable opponent. Be careful.
Batman: Come on, he must be a zillion years old. What trouble could an old geezer...
[remembers who he's talking to]
Batman: Never mind.

Batman: How'd you con the formula out of Bane?
Jackson Chappell: In the end, he needed Venom just to keep going. It got so bad he couldn't even make it himself. He had to trust someone.
Batman: And now you're cashing in by selling poison to kids?

Coach: I eat punks like you for breakfast.
Batman: Sorry to spoil your appetite.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Trials of the Demon! (#1.15)" (2009)
[Batman appears in front of Holmes and Watson]
Dr. Watson: A demon!
Sherlock Holmes: He's a hero, it's obvious by the bright blue and yellow in his costume. The mask means he must be well-known, perhaps a wealthy entrepreneur with ample free time. Square jaw indicates strong lineage, perhaps a doctor's son. And the bat motif, most surely inspired by some childhood trauma. The Masked Bat, perhaps?
Batman: Actually, it's Batman.

Batman: Sherlock Holmes, I presume?
Sherlock Holmes: How did you deduce my identity so quickly?
Batman: The hat.

Sherlock Holmes: Before you depart, I must know: how did you really deduce my identity?
Batman: Everyone knows who you are. You're the world's greatest detective.


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Laughing Fish (#1.46)" (1993)
[after dissecting a Joker fish]
Batman: Well, he's not out to poison people. This diluted toxin only affects fish.
Alfred Pennyworth: Maybe he's trying to make us all die from disgust.

[after a narrow escape from a shark tank]
Batman: You okay?
[Bullock keeps coughing out water, but:]
Bullock: Just give him one for me, will you?
[Batman smiles and takes off after Joker]

Batman: Are you all right, Mr. Francis?
G. Carl Francis: It's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to wash that stuff the Joker's girl sprayed me with this afternoon.
Batman: [yelling] Get this man to a hospital now!


"Super Friends: The Fantastic Frerps (#1.10)" (1973)
Batman: [Superman hits his golf ball asto the hole knocking as Wonder Woman's as well] Folks, you've heard of a hole in one; now you've just witnessed a two-in-one-hole.

Robin: Where'd that come from?
Batman: I'm more worried about where it's heading: straight for us.

Batman: We're coming down.
King Plasto: Yay, verily.
[deflates the replica they landed on]


"Batman: The Joke's on Catwoman (#3.17)" (1968)
Alfred: You both look a trifle harassed, sir, if I may say so. Perhaps this snack will help.
Batman: Eh, no thank you, Alfred, you know I never mix crime fighting with eating. Besides, I don't think it'll help us solve our problem with Catwoman and Joker...
Robin: I could force myself to take a bite...

Batman: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
[realizing there are no ladies on the jury]
Batman: Eh, gentlemen of the jury, we are gathered here today, to prove that Catwoman, Joker and their men are guilty of several major offences, to wit: robbery, attempted murder, assault... and battery! Mayhem and over-time parking.

Batman: Your Honor, I move for a new trial?
Judge: On which of several grounds?


"Batman: The Bloody Tower (#3.13)" (1967)
Narrator: [narrating] Meanwhile, back in the dungeon...
Batgirl: That Anti-Lethal-Fog Batspray is working, Batman.
Batman: Yes, I always carry some in my utility belt, along with the... Bat-file.
[whips it out]

Batgirl: It worked!
Batman: Yes, there's more to old Indian Fakir tricks than one might suspect.
Batgirl: And concentration, magnified by the power of yoga?
Batman: Yes, yes, that's enough talking Batgirl. Up you go.

Batman: [holding up a device] My pipe of fog Bat-reversor, your lordship. You'll catch us flatfooted again.
Superintendent Watson: [Superintendent Watson and Commissioner Gordon arrive on the scene] Well, this is a jolly little beanfest. Take his Lordship and her Ladyship and these... these girlships to the tombs.


"Young Justice: Independence Day: Part 2 (#1.2)" (2010)
The Flash: You should have called us.
Batman: End results aside, we're not happy. You hacked Justice League systems, disobeyed direct orders, and endangered lives. You will not be doing this again.
Aqualad: I am sorry, but we will.
Aquaman: Aqualad, stand down.
Aqualad: Apologies, my king, but no. We did good work here tonight, the work you trained us to do. Together on our own we forged something powerful, important.
The Flash: If this is about your treatment at the Hall, the three of you...
Kid Flash: The four of us, and it's not.
Robin: Batman, we're ready to do what you taught us, or why teach us at all?
Superboy: Why let them tell us what to do? It's simple. Get on board or get out of the way.

Batman: [Looking at Superboy] Is that what I think it is?
Kid Flash: He doesn't like being called an "it."
Superboy: I'm Superman's clone!
Batman: ...Start talking.

The Flash: The League will still handle the obvious stuff. There's a reason we have these big targets on our chest.
Aquaman: But CADMUS proves the bad guys are getting smarter. Batman needs a team that can operate on the sly.
Batman: The five of you will be that team.
Robin: Cool! Wait. Five?
Batman: [Ms Martian enters] This is the Martian Manhunter's niece. Ms. Martian.


"Batman: Penguin's Disastrous End (#2.44)" (1967)
Workman: How did you manage to stay alive inside that crusher? It develops a hundred thousand pounds of pressure.
Batman: Fortunately, we were able to reach our utility belts, where we always keep our emergency Bat-airpumps to pump up the Batmobiles tires.
Workman: You mean you countered the hydraulic crusher with air pressure?
Batman: As the crusher increased it's pressure, it automatically increased the counter-air pressure.

News anchor: [voice coming from TV set] This is the third day that Penguin and his henchmen have been hold up inside the sub-treasury vault. Commissioner Gordon and...
[rest is drowned out by Aunt Harriet]
Aunt Harriet: Three days, Alfred, imagine that! What can they be doing inside there?
Alfred: I imagine that our law enforcement agencies are asking the same question, madam.
Chief O'Hara: [cut to the sub-treasury vault] What could that mangy creature be doing in there?
Batman: I wish I knew, Chief.
Commissioner Gordon: And what's he doing for food?
Batman: I wish I knew, Commissioner.
Robin: And what's he...
Batman: [interrupting] I wish I knew, Robin.

Batman: [referring to Chief O'Hara] He's blocked the tank!
Robin: But he'll be crushed like a walnut!
Commissioner Gordon: The brave fool!


"Batman Beyond: Meltdown (#1.5)" (1999)
Mr. Freeze: Stay where you are.
Batman: You've got to get out of here, Fries! The whole place is going to go!
Mr. Freeze: Believe me, you're the only one who cares.

Batman: And who are you, sunshine?
Blight: "Blight" will do.

Batman: Just because he ran off doesn't mean he'll come back.
Bruce Wayne: He'll be back. Count on it. He lives for revenge.
Batman: Not the Victor Fries I met.
Bruce Wayne: What you met was a ghost.


"Batman: The Joker's Last Laugh (#2.47)" (1967)
Mr. Flamm: I'm, I'm flabbergasted, Batman! How on Earth did you know that was a robot?
Batman: Simple, Mr. Flamm, even the most infallible robots have one defect: they have no sense of humor.
Robin: Batman told him a super funny joke. When the creature didn't laugh, that was proof!

Batman: Robin, warm up the Bat-Spot Analyzer while I take a sample of this affected cloth.

Batman: [Commissioner Gordon's office is is continuously plagued by the sound of Joker's laughter] Hand me the Bat-detector, Robin.
Robin: [Gordon moans, unable to stand the laughter much longer] Roger. I'll tune it in for super-laughtrack sensitivity.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: From Catwoman with Love/Perilous Playthings (#1.13)" (1968)
Batman: As Superman would say...
Robin: Up, up, and away!

Batman: You may be a bowling champ but I used to be a basketball star.

[last lines]
Robin: We were just beginning to have some fun, Commissioner.
Batman: Yes, Catwoman and her friends invited us to, play some games.
Commission James Gordon: How nice. But I know a game they'll probably be playing for a long time. It's called Rockpile.


"Batman: The Animated Series: What Is Reality? (#1.45)" (1992)
Batman: Where does a 500-pound gorilla sleep? What's worse than a millipede with sore feet? How do you fit five elephants into a car?
Alfred Pennyworth: Wherever it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back and one in the trunk.

Batman: [trying to solve the Riddler's puzzle involving four quarters and a penny] Sense, red cents... copper.
Alfred Pennyworth: 'Copper' is another term for policeman.
Batman: Police, head
[looks at the tops of the coins]
Batman: quarters.
Alfred Pennyworth: And four quarters and one penny equal 101 cents.
Batman: Police Headquarters, room #101.

Robin: You mean that The Riddler is trapped in his own virtual reality ?
Batman: Yes, and How to get him out? Perhaps a riddle that no one can solve.


"Justice League: Ultimatum (#3.9)" (2004)
Batman: [surrounded with Aquaman by Lava men] Can you telepathically control them?
Aquaman: Do they look like fish to you?
Wind Dragon: Don't despair, old chum!

Wonder Woman: Whatever's going on, we'll do everything in our power to...
Wind Dragon: Yes, *power*. That's what it always comes down to, doesn't it? And that's the only way we'll ever be remembered. If we're the ones who take down the Justice League, the world will never forget us!
Batman: Listen to yourself., you're not making any sense! You're getting sicker!
Wind Dragon: Translation: They're afraid to face us.
Long Shadow: No!
Wind Dragon: As a man said, "You're either with us, or against us"!

Amanda Waller: You need to step back.
Batman: Not gonna happen. Long Shadow's with us.
Amanda Waller: Safeties.
[Waller's men aim their guns at Long Shadow until Superman and Aquaman stand in the line of fire]
Batman: Mine are bigger than yours.
Amanda Waller: [to her men] Stand down. He's free to go with you for however long he's got.
Batman: Who are you people?
Amanda Waller: That's a national security matter. And if I were you I wouldn't probe the situation too closely... rich boy


"Batman: The Joker's Epitaph (#2.48)" (1967)
Batman: [Joker has taken over Gotham National Bank as 'W.C. Whiteface'] Anything amiss, Mr. Flamm?
Mr. Flamm: Eh, nothing, Batman. Mr. Whiteface has this branch in applepie order.
Robin: Holy stomachache! Some sour applepie!

Commissioner Gordon: [on Batphone] Batman, have you read the dire news about Bruce Wayne?
Batman: [on other line, in Batcave] Love is blind, Commissioner, Bruce Wayne is over 21, I fear there's nothing we can do.
[hangs up]

Batman: That's the trouble with robots, Robin. They lack even the most minimal sense of loyalty.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: The Crime Computer/The Great Scarecrow Scare (#1.9)" (1968)
Commission James Gordon: Could it be the Joker?
Batman: Negative.
Robin: Not the Riddler either. Which leaves...
Batman: The Penguin. Yes, it's got his style, but...
Robin: But what, Batman?
Batman: He's got to owe the diabolically ingenious structure of this crime to someone else.

[last lines: "The Crime Computer]
Batman: [laughing] That Alfred. He never fails to amaze me.

Batgirl: [last lines: "The Great Scarecrow Scare"] Can we take him down, Batman?
Batman: I don't know. Since this a cornfield maybe he's finally found his place: scaring crows!
[they laugh with Robin]


"Young Justice: Agendas (#1.22)" (2012)
Wonder Woman: You indoctrinated Robin into crimefighting at the ripe-old age of nine.
Batman: Robin needed to help bring the man who murdered his family to justice.
Wonder Woman: So he could turn out like you?
Batman: So that he wouldn't.

The Flash: Maybe it's time we all talk about the elephant in the room. Should Captain Marvel stay a member? Now that we know he's really only ten years old?
Red Tornado: He does possess an adult body and the wisdom of Solomon.
Aquaman: Wisdom does not equal maturity.
Captain Marvel: Hey, I'm sitting right here!
Black Canary: Then, Billy, maybe you should leave. Until we hash this out.
Batman: No. Captain Marvel is a member and is entitled to participate, until or unless he's voted out.

Wonder Woman: It's not just his age. It's the fact that he lied about it.
Captain Marvel: I didn't lie... exactly. I just left out the part about being a kid.
Wonder Woman: A lie of omission is still a lie. You kept an important secret from us. No one in the League knew the truth.
Batman: I did.
Wonder Woman: I shouldn't be surprised.


"Batman: The Mad Hatter Runs Afoul (#2.36)" (1967)
Batman: Well, old chum, out of the sarcophagus and back into the saddle.

Batman: [to The Mad Hatter] Come down before you die of radioactivity!

Robin: Holy hoodwink! Or Holy naïveté! Take your choice.
Batman: Exactly, Robin.


"Justice League: Panic in the Sky (#4.11)" (2005)
Batman: You want me to *what*?
Wonder Woman: Turn yourself over to US authority, along with the rest of us.
Flash: Okay, that makes sense.
Superman: Meet us at the coordinates I'm sending you. We should all go over together.
Batman: This is the single dumbest plan I've ever heard! If you're feeling guilty, clear your own name! Don't stand on the sidelines waiting for someone else to do it!
Wonder Woman: We've already voted. Five in favor.
Flash: Six.
Wonder Woman: You have to come with us, Bruce.
Batman: I don't 'have' to do anything! I'm a part-timer, remember!
[Batman ends transmission]
Wonder Woman: ...Actually, he took it a lot better than I'd expected.

Batman: We've got business, Waller. You told me once that you were a patriot. Well it's time to step up. You have to know that the Justice League would never have fired that weapon at you.
Amanda Waller: Sure you would. It was retaliation for kidnapping your man, the Question.
Batman: And yet, you weren't home. We've had you under surveillance for months. You don't think we saw you evacuate your offices?
Amanda Waller: A warning shot then.
Batman: Don't be dense. Someone took over our fusion cannon by remote control. There are maybe three people on Earth smart enough to pull that off. Two of them were already on the Watchtower. And that leaves...
Amanda Waller: Luthor. That's where you're trying to lead me, right?
Batman: You're too smart to trust him.
Amanda Waller: Who says I do? He provides off-the-books funding for Cadmus. As far as I'm concerned, that's all he's good for.
Batman: Then you must know he's got his own agenda.
Amanda Waller: He wants to be President. That's agenda enough for anybody.
Batman: *Almost* anybody. If I were you, I'd start looking at him, hard.

Lex Luthor: Now you're perfect! A perfect, super-powerful, immortal body. A suitable place for me to spend the rest of eternity. Ironic, years of plotting, hundreds of millions spent on Cadmus R&D projects, and none of it bore fruit. No, it's a lonely employee of LexCorp, Doctor Ivo, creator of Amazo, who we have to thank for my impending godhood.
Batman: That was the last piece I needed.
Lex Luthor: Got it all figured out, have you?
Batman: When you and Atom worked together to stop the first Amazo, he showed you the blueprints. And I suspect you have a photographic memory.
Lex Luthor: I'm too modest to boast.
Batman: The real purpose of Cadmus was to give *you* superpowers.
Lex Luthor: And to ruin Superman's reputation. Imagine how sweet it will be when *I* save the world from the menace of the Justice League! Now, when I kill Superman, they'll build statues in my honor.
Batman: Maybe next time.
[attacks]


"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: The Dynamic Scooby-Doo Affair (#1.2)" (1972)
Shaggy: Batman, what's that?
Batman: A car press. When the crane drops a car into the hole, powerful walls close in on it and pulverize it. What you're sitting on could easily have once been a four-door sedan.
Shaggy: Whoa, talk about your compact cars.

Batman: Look out, Robin, that one broke free.
[the Joker tries to climb out of the pit]
Batman: How about that? The clown prince of crime is now the clown prince of climb!

Robin: [the Joker and Penguin in skeleton costumes fall down the pit] Holy vertebrae! We've got company!
Batman: Yes, Robin, and I have a feeling when we unmask these two we'll find a couple of *bone*heads.


"Justice League: This Little Piggy (#3.5)" (2004)
[Batman and Wonder Woman are on a rooftop on stakeout. Wonder Woman notices some loving couples coming out of a nearby club]
Wonder Woman: Don't you ever wish you were down there?
Batman: I'm down there all I need to be.
Wonder Woman: Yes, but it's just a job to you. I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe... maybe with someone special.
[pause]
Wonder Woman: No. No dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time.
Batman: One: Dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two: You're a princess from a society of immortal warriors. I'm a rich kid with issues... lots of issues. And three: If my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me through her.
[for answer, Diana crushes the head of a gargoyle with her hand]
Wonder Woman: Next.
[an alarm sounds from an alley across the street]
Batman: There!
[fires his Bat-rope and swings away]
Wonder Woman: Saved by the bell.

Batman: [singing] There was a time/I was your only one/But now I'm/the sad and lonely one...

[after Batman's knockout performance]
Zatanna Zatara: Is there anything you can't do?
Batman: There's one thing I've never been very good at: saying thank you.


"Batman: Batman Sets the Pace (#1.26)" (1966)
The Joker: [after his cover is blown and his Maharaja costume destroyed] Egads! I'm deflated!
Batman: A fitting end for you, Joker. Like the rest of your criminal ilk, you were never anything but a threatening bag of hot air. Chief O'Hara, call your men. Cart this human trash away.
Chief O'Hara: Right.

Robin: [the Dynamic Duo is about to go down a chute] Can I go first? I wanna see their faces.
Batman: [Batman stops him] Dynamic seniority.
[Robin hits his own fist in diseppointment]

The Maharajah: [writing a check] Paid to the order of Bat-Man...
Batman: One 't'.


"Batman: Better Luck Next Time (#1.20)" (1966)
Catwoman: [Batman is fighting Catwoman's pet tiger, Tigerlily] T.T.F.N.
Batman: And what's that's supposed to mean?
Catwoman: Ta ta for now. I'm off to pluck Robin's feathers.

Batman: Don't hold that cat so close to your face! Some of the radioactive spray may rub off on you.
Robin: Right! I should have thought of that myself.

Batman: Although the Bat-armor protected our car, those land mines blew our tires. Robin, turn on the automatic tire-repair device.


"Justice League: Maid of Honor: Part II (#2.8)" (2003)
[last lines]
Wonder Woman: You know, we never did get to finish our dance.
[Batman is surprised that she's seen through his secret identity]
Batman: I don't know what you're talking about.
Wonder Woman: If you say so...
[takes his arm]
Wonder Woman: But you're still taking me dancing.

J'onn J'onzz: Batman, we couldn't prevent the railgun from discharging!
Batman: Me neither. But I did manage to change the targeting coordinates.
Wonder Woman: Where'd you send it?
Batman: [smiles] Right here.

Batman: You go there uninvited, you'll be breaking international law.
Wonder Woman: I get my hands on Savage, that's not all I'll be breaking. You coming?


"Batman: The Animated Series: Feat of Clay Part II (#1.5)" (1992)
[chasing Germs through the hospital, Batman corners him in a storage closet filled with specimen jars]
Germs: Let me out of here, please! All these viruses and bacteria! I could be... infected!
Batman: I know.
[he advances]
Batman: Now... the man who impersonated Bruce Wane, I want his name.
Germs: I... I don't know who...
[Batman takes a jar off the shelf and reads the label]
Batman: Crimson fever. Lousy way to go. No cure, you know.
[He puts the jar on a shelf above Germs's head]
Batman: The name, *now*!
Germs: Okay, okay! It was Hagen! Matt Hagen, the movie actor.
[Batman punches the wall, causing the jar to teeter on the shelf]
Germs: [cringing] It's the truth, I swear!
Batman: Then how did he fool Fox? He's good, but no actor, no makeup, is that good.
Germs: I... I don't know!
[Batman punches the wall again. The jar teeters closer to the edge]
Germs: You're crazy!
Batman: [cracks his knuckles] Last chance: talk!
Germs: Alright! He... had something... something nobody else had. He could...
[the light is turned on, and a cop enters]
Clayface: Nice going Batman! But I'll take it from here.
[as he enters, the jar tips off the shelf and falls. Germs screams, and Batman catches the jar, revealing the label: "Seawater for Analysis"]

Clayface: You again.
Batman: Hagen... listen to me...
Clayface: There is no Hagen. It's only me now... Clayface.

Clayface: [as Clayface has Batman cornered, Batman flips a switch, turning on multiple TV screens displaying past roles Hagen has played] What are you doing? Stop it!
Batman: Look at them, Hagen. Look at what you used to be.
Clayface: No. No. Turn them off!
Batman: You can play those roles again, Hagen. Let me help you find a cure.
Clayface: No! Hagen's gone. Make him stop haunting me!


"The Batman/Superman Hour: Partners in Peril/The Underworld Underground Caper/The Ghost of Kilbane Castle/The Monster Molecule (#1.7)" (1968)
Batman: Puny joke, Robin.

Batman: [of the note Riddler left] That's no riddle; it's a challenge.

[last lines]
The Riddler: All right, so you got us. But you have to give back that sack full of silver dollars we left at the bank. That was *our* money - a thousand dollars.
Batman: Oh, that reminds me. Here's a bill for the electricity you stole by tapping Gotham City's underground cable. By coincidence, it comes to just one-thousand dollars.
[Riddler cries and Catwoman growls; he, Robin, and Chief O'Hara laugh]


"Super Power Beat Down: Batman vs. Darth Vader (#1.14)" (2014)
Batman: I'll take my science over your magic any day.

[Batman has disabled the electronics in Darth Vader's suit]
Batman: Let's see how you breathe now.
Darth Vader: The Force will sustain me long enough.
Batman: Exactly - better focused on you than me.

Darth Vader: Your theatrics will not help you.
[Batman unleashes a volley of missiles from his spacecraft]
Batman: How's that for theatrics?


"Batman: The Animated Series: Appointment in Crime Alley (#1.12)" (1992)
Batman: Roland Daggett's up to something.
Alfred Pennyworth: That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir?

Roland Dagget: These people don't value human life like we do.
Batman: [sarcastic] Nobody values human life like *you* do, Daggett.

[last lines]
Dr. Leslie Thompkins: This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once.
Batman: [Placing two roses on the ground] Good people still live in Crime Alley.


Spider-Plant Man (2005) (TV)
Peter Piper: ...the bat-mobile?
Batman: No. The bat-Cleo!

Batman: Spider-plant man, you've tangled your last tendril! Prepare to meet your bat-doom! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
Peter Piper: [re-enters the screen with a plastic cup of coffee] Oh, sorry...!
Batman: ...ha ha ha!

Batman: So, Spider-Plant man, we meet at last.
Peter Piper: I know that voice! Come out where I can see you, Green Goblin!
Batman: Try again.
Peter Piper: Oooh, I should've known it was you, Dr. Octopus!
Batman: Noo...
Peter Piper: The Itchy scawl?
Batman: No...
Peter Piper: Not, the human man!
Peter Piper: [Batman steps out of the darkness] Batman!


"Batman: The Dead Ringers (#2.16)" (1966)
Batman: Nice singing, Robin, it saved our lives.
Robin: Holy Caruso, how?

Batman: Life: a cup full of surprises to the last drop.

Batman: [tied to a piano roll punching machine] Wait a minute.
Robin: A minute's too long. My toes are almost in the puncher!


"Super Friends: Menace of the White Dwarf (#1.12)" (1973)
Marvin: It's - it's the abominable snowman!
Batman: Yes, junior-sized model.

Wendy: You look like you're seeing a ghost.
Batman: I am.

Robin: Raven? The super-scientist criminal Superman sent to prison?
Batman: There's only one Raven, I'm happy to say.


"Justice League: Clash (#4.7)" (2005)
Batman: You were a little hard on the Boy Scout, don't you think?
Superman: I thought I was the Boy Scout?
Batman: I did too, 'til I met Captain Marvel.

Superman: Why are you... why is everyone defending Captain Marvel?
Batman: We like him. He's... sunny.

Batman: J'onn! We're in trouble!
J'onn J'onzz: Are you asking for help?
Batman: Yes!
J'onn J'onzz: You never ask for help.


"Batman: A Piece of the Action (#2.51)" (1967)
Robin: Fine time for the Batcomputer to let us down!
Batman: It's not the machine's fault, old chum. We overlooked one thing when we constructed it - a duel-identity Batsensor.
Robin: Holy oversight!

Batman: The next time we're in town, we'll pick up the parts for a duel-identity Batsensor.

Batman: You satanic man stamp-man!
Colonel Gumm: Satanic, Batman? Who knows? But mad stamp-man, perhaps!
[laughs]


"Batman: The Bird's Last Jest (#2.28)" (1966)
Matey Dee: [Matey Dee and Cordy Blue cease firing their machine gun] Curses! We're out of ammunition.
Robin: Maybe it's a trick to get us out from behind our Bat-shield.
Batman: No trick, Robin. They are out of ammunition.
[lowers Bat-shield]
Robin: How do you know?
Batman: Easy. I've been counting their bullets.

Robin: I bet Batman is the only one in the world with a hand steady enough to paint false fingerprints.
Batman: Come, come now, Robin, don't exaggerate. All it takes is a little practice and a bit of patience.

Batman: Quick, turn off the automatic costume-change device.
Robin: [flips a switch] Costume-change device off.


"Justice League: Wild Cards: Part II (#2.22)" (2003)
Hawkgirl: I found John. He's in bad shape.
Batman: We'll meet at the last bomb, then go after Joker.
Hawkgirl: Negative! John needs medical attention.
Batman: Make it fast, we've got to...
Hawkgirl: Hawkgirl out!

Hawkgirl: [on the phone] It was the shock of the detonation that stopped his heart... no, he's gonna be fine. I'll stay with him tonight. Batman, about before? I'm sorry I...
Batman: No. We never leave a man behind. Right?
Hawkgirl: [smiles] Right.

Batman: Harley, where's Joker?
Harley Quinn: After all these years, you still think I'd give up Mr. J?
Batman: Why not? He gave you up.
Harley Quinn: That was a long time ago. He's changed. We've been to couples counseling.
Batman: I'm talking about right now. Or haven't you been watching the show?


"Batman: The Animated Series: Nothing to Fear (#1.10)" (1992)
Batman: I am vengeance! I am the night! I am Batman!

Thomas Wayne: [Batman is hallucinating and thinks sees his father] You are a disgrace.
Batman: No! No! You are not my father! I am not a disgrace! I am vengeance! I am the night! I am BATMAN!

Batman: I am vengeance. I am the knight. I. AM. BATMAN!


"Justice League: Secret Origins: Part III (#1.3)" (2001)
Batman: I'm not really a people person. But when you need help, and you will, call me.

Batman: Coming from the depths of space, the invaders have no resistance to our sun's radiation.
Wonder Woman: So you did find their weakness after all.

Superman: Incredible. Do your stockholders know about this, Bruce?
Batman: A line item hidden in the aerospace RND budget.


"Super Friends: Professor Goodfellow's G.E.E.C. (#1.3)" (1973)
Batman: [going] As for you kids, please, stay out of trouble.
Marvin: Hm! Trouble is my business.
[blazes forward; is heard crashing into something]
Wendy: Hm. I see business is booming.

Batman: How will you manage it?
Superman: With brainwork, and some cooperation.

Batman: A remarkable animal. All by himself he turned the world upside-down.


"Justice League: Only a Dream (#2.5)" (2003)
The Flash: Say no more.
Batman: I wasn't intending to.

Green Lantern: [speaking of Dee] Look, whatever he is, he's sure not in the same league as Grundy and the others. He's a nobody.
Batman: Ever read "The Odyssey"? After Odysseus was caught by the cyclops, he told it his name was "Nobody." So when he poked its eye out and its friends asked who did it, all the cyclops could say was, "nobody."
Green Lantern: Point taken.

Green Lantern: You don't know if Dee did this.
Batman: I don't know that he *didn't* do it.


"Batman: The Ogg Couple (#3.15)" (1967)
Batgirl: [unable to escape from a vat of caviar] Help, Batman! I'm drowning.
[goes under]
Batgirl: I'm also freezing!
Batman: Batgirl is being frozen in that caviar!

Batgirl: They almost turned me into a human au dóeuvre. What a chilling way to die.
Robin: Holy cold creeps! Leave it to crooks like them to think of a trick like this!
Batman: Yes, that's to be expected, Robin. The concept of decency is alien to the criminal mind.

Robin: Holy Tartars!
Batman: Unholy Tartars, Robin.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Fear of Victory (#1.19)" (1992)
Batman: Just as I thought. The fear chemical is activated by adrenaline. So whenever you, or Brian, or any of the other athletes got agitated...
Robin: The stuff kicks in, turning our excitement to fear. But how long is this gonna last?
Batman: I'm afraid there's only one person who can answer that: the Professor of Fear himself, The Scarecrow.
Robin: No, it can't be. He's locked up in Arkham... isn't he?

Commissioner James Gordon: That's how we found him, scared as a rat in a cat convention. I've never seen anything like it.
Batman: You haven't been watching the sports channel.
Commissioner James Gordon: Sports? You mean those athletes. What's that got to do with...?
Batman: Put two and two together, Commissioner. That goon in there works for Leon "The Bookie". And word has it he's been taking it on the chin lately.
Commissioner James Gordon: You're telling me that that walking pile of straws scares the stuffing out of sports stars and then bets against their teams?
Batman: Exactly. A perfect way to scare up some quick cash for his sick schemes.

The Scarecrow: There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be prostrating himself, crying for mercy!
Batman: Change of luck, Scarecrow?
The Scarecrow: You!
Batman: You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham?
The Scarecrow: I need the money, Batman. You know the cost of chemicals these days.


"Batman: Nora Clavicle and the Ladies' Crime Club (#3.19)" (1968)
Robin: [Batman, Robin and Batgirl are tied into a Siamese human knot] Holy hamstrings!
Batman: Exactly, Robin. This is torture... at it's most bizarre and terrible.

Robin: You mean back to the Batcomputer in the Batcave, Batman?
Batman: There's no time for that, Robin. We'll use the Portable Batcomputer in the Batmobile.
Batgirl: I think I'll tag along, Batman! The instruments in the Batgirlcycle aren't quite as sophisticated as those in the Batmobile.
Batman: Thank you.

Batman: [on Batphone] Yes, Miss Clavicle?
Nora Clavicle: Commissioner Clavicle, Batman, calling to tell you you can take an extended vacation. We girls are handling things now, and we won't need any help from you men, Bat- or otherwise. Goodbye, Batman.
[Nora hands the receiver of the red batphone to Angelina. Evelina hands Nora a pair of scissors with which Nora then cuts the line]


"Batman: The Great Escape (#3.21)" (1968)
Batman: I've got it. What do criminals call a rock?
Robin: Holy karats, a diamond!

Commissioner Gordon: Tanks in the street, a horse in my outer office... Has the whole world gone batty?
[Batman reacts, startled]
Commissioner Gordon: Ha, ha, just an expression, Batman. No slight intended.
Batman: I understand.

Batman: [reading a note from Shame] It's full of misspellings and I'm full of misgivings.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: The Fiendishly Frigid Fraud/Enter the Judge (#1.15)" (1968)
Batman: You want the world, Freeze? Here!
[throws a globe]

Batman: [last lines: "Enter the Judge"] Case is closed.
Robin: [the convict's mouth is taped shut] And for a change, so is his mouth.


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Forgotten (#1.23)" (1992)
Boss Biggis: If I get my hands on that scumbag, I'll eat him alive!
Guard #1: [running inside] A bat, a giant bat! Horrible!
Boss Biggis: What are you babbling about? What bat?
Batman: [entering with two knocked out henchmen] Right here.
Guard #1: There it is!
Boss Biggis: Batman!

Boss Biggis: Don't let me drown!
Batman: When you taste the prison food, you'll wish I had.


"The New Batman Adventures: Mad Love (#2.11)" (1999)
Batman: [Talking to Joker on a moving train] She almost had me, you know. Arms and legs chained, dizzy from the blood rushing to my head. I had no way out other than convincing her to call you. I knew your massive ego wouldn't let anyone else take the honor of killing me. Although you have to admit she came a lot closer than you ever did... Puddin'.
[Joker stares for a second, then goes absolutely berserk and attacks]

Harley Quinn: You know, for what it's worth, I actually enjoyed some of our romps, but there comes a time when a gal wants more. And now, all this gal wants is to settle down with her lovin' sweetheart.
Batman: You, and the Joker?
Harley Quinn: Right-a-rooney.
[Batman laughs]
Harley Quinn: I've never seen you laugh before! I don't think I like it!
[Batman laughs even harder]
Harley Quinn: Cut it out! You're giving me the creeps!
Batman: You little fool. The Joker doesn't love anything except himself. Wake up, Harleen. He had you pegged for hired help the minute you walked into Arkham.
Harley Quinn: That's not - no. NO! He told me things, secret things that he never told anyone!
Batman: Was it his line about the abusive father? Or the one about the runaway mom. He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one.
Harley Quinn: Stop it! You're making me confused!
Batman: What was it he told that one parole officer... Oh yeah, "There was only one time I ever saw Dad really happy. He took me to the Ice Show when I was seven."
Harley Quinn: [softly] Circus... He said it was the Circus.
Batman: He's got a million of them, Harley.
Harley Quinn: [wiping away her tears] YOU'RE WRONG! MY PUDDIN' DOES LOVE ME! HE DOES! You're the problem! And now you're gonna die and make everything right!


"Batman: Ma Parker (#2.10)" (1966)
Batman: You're keeping Ma Parker and her daughter in the same cell block with the boys?
Warden Crichton: Uh, y-y-yes, i-i-it's what I call my "family plan," Batman. It's my theory that the family that dorms together reforms together.

Batman: There's trouble at the Penetentiary, Robin. Ma Parker must be behind it.
Robin: You think she's trying to break out of jail?
Batman: I don't know. But this is time for us to try and break in.


"Batman: When the Rat's Away, the Mice Will Play (#1.12)" (1966)
[answering a riddle]
Batman: Why is a woman in love like a welder? Because they both carry a torch!

Batman: I'll never understand why girls like you get involved in things like this.
Mousey: Kicks, I guess. Been looking for them ever since I dropped out of high school.
[giggles as she moves closer to Batman]
Mousey: But I'm sort of glad they didn't do you in.
Batman: Thank you.


"The All-New Super Friends Hour: Doctor Fright/Drag Race/Day of the Plant Creatures/Fire (#1.4)" (1977)
Batman: Ninety-degree roll coming up.

Batman: It took millions of years for the Earth to develop the delicate system of life it now has.
Superman: And in one careless moment it can all go to waste.


"Young Justice: Revelation (#1.14)" (2011)
Batman: The Justice League will handle the plants. I have a different job for the team.
Wally West: Oh, man!
[Artemis hits Wally]
Batman: With the plants attacking so many locations simultaneously, there must be a central control system. Your mission is to destroy it.
Zatara: You realize what you're *really* asking them to do?
Batman: They're ready.
Wally West: Ready for what?
[Artemis hits Wally again]
Wally West: Ow! Will you cut that-?
Artemis: Hello, Wally! If the big guns are fighting plants, who do you think we'll be fighting?
Wally West: I don't know. I guess we'll
[Suddenly realizes who they're supposed to fight]
Wally West: Oh.

Batman: We're done here. This Supervillan Secret Society is neutralized.
[to Young Justice]
Batman: As for your performance - it was satisfactory.


"Batman: The Wail of the Siren (#3.3)" (1967)
Barbara Gordon: Would any of you care for a soft drink?
Batman: No thank you, Miss Gordon, we might find it too relaxing.

Robin: I've never seen that light flash before?
Batman: Well, that's the Batcomputer's Bat-resistance signal.
[suddenly has a revelation]
Batman: Of course it doesn't understand our question about Commissioner Gordon. It can't answer it. Commissioner Gordon represents law and order. The Batcomputer is programmed to deal only with criminals!
Robin: Holy one-track-Batcomputer-mind!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Zatanna (#1.50)" (1993)
Zatanna: [puts a hand to his mask] What happened to you that made you put this on?
Batman: A painful memory and a promise.
Zatanna: I'd say you're keeping that promise pretty well. And for what it's worth, Dad would have been proud of you tonight.

Zatanna: You never wrote.
Batman: I meant to, really...
Zatanna: Hey, it's okay. I can see you've been busy.


The Cannonball Run (1981)
Batman: Mad Dog, you ARE going to take the shortcut to the Interstate, aren't you?
Mad Dog: We're here to win, ain't we? If you're gonna be a bear, BE A GRIZZLY!
Both: ARRR!

[the racers, all neck and neck, are approaching the finish line, with Mad Dog and Batman in the lead]
Mad Dog: We got 'em.
Batman: We got 'em!
[Suddenly a car come in the way, forcing Mad Dog & Batman's GMC truck to do a 180 stop. Bradford and Shakey's motorcycle slips and skids]
J.J. McClure: [screams] LOOK OUT!
[J.J. and Victor's ambulance van and all the other cars come to screeching halt]
J.J. McClure: [yells] Okay, it's a foot race!
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: I've got the card.
J.J. McClure: No, gimmie that, Doc! Come on, it's a foot race!
[All the racers storm out and begin running to the finish line to see who can be the first to punch at the clock and win the race]
Victor Prinsi: Have no fear! Chaos is here! DA-DA-DUM!
J.J. McClure: [hands Victor the time card] Take it and win, Captain!
Pamela Glover: Come on, Chaos! You can do it!
[as Victor and Marcie sprints, J.J. jumps on the other racers, tackling them down]
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: Does anyone need medical attention?


"The Batman/Superman Hour: Bubi, Bubi, Who's Got the Ruby?/1001 Faces of the Riddler/The Mysterious Mr. Mist/The Trap of the Super Spacemen (#1.5)" (1968)
Batman: Relax, Riddler, you're in no hurry now.

Batman: We've got a new disguise for you, Riddler.
[holding a prison uniform]
Batman: Only this one won't fool anybody.


"Justice League: Secret Origins: Part II (#1.2)" (2001)
Wonder Woman: Hiding like cowards is not the Amazon way.
Batman: They must have a weakness. When we find it we'll strike.

J'onn J'onzz: There are no openings.
Wonder Woman: Then we'll make our own.
Batman: [J'onn prepares to chase her but Batman holds him back] Wait. Let's see what she can do.
Wonder Woman: [binds the alien and knocks it against the wall so it's destroyed and a hole is created] There's your opening.
Batman: Not bad.


"Super Friends: The Weather Maker (#1.4)" (1973)
Robin: We'll take the stairway. It's only fifty floors.
Batman: Right. We can use the exercise. Just enough to tone our muscles.

Batman: Never say impossible.


"Super Friends: Gulliver's Gigantic Goof (#1.14)" (1973)
Green Arrow: Am I glad to see you.
Batman: [trapped] Not as glad as we are to see you, I bet.

Batman: You have to see that everything's returned to normal again.
Dr. Hiram Gulliver: Well, I'll put my mind to it and see wht I can do.
Superman: I'm afraid, Dr. Gulliver, that the court will decide what it is you'll do.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: The Nine Lives of Batman/Long John Joker/Rain of Iron/Double Trouble, Double Doom (#1.4)" (1968)
Batman: I'm getting very close.
Catwoman: [turns on the lights] Just close enough, Batman!

Batman: I hate to cast pearls before swine, but...
[throws the pearls from a necklace before Catwoman's henchmen to trip them]


"Super Friends: The Power Pirate (#1.1)" (1973)
Batman: And, Marvin, don't forget not everyone has super-strength. But everyone has a brain.

Superman: [carrying it in midair] No offense, Batman, but I can get us there faster than your Batmobile!
Batman: That's OK, Superman. I can get more miles to the gallon this way.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Second Chance (#3.2)" (1994)
Batman: You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him.
Two-Face: Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just as I'm going to destroy you!

Batman: Harvey, give me your other hand! I need both your hands to save you!
Two-Face: [hanging from a ledge] What, what should I do? The coin won't tell me...
Batman: It won't tell you ANYTHING! I switched coins when you grabbed me! It's a trick coin, it'll always land on edge! It's YOUR choice now, Harvey: life or death, the coin or me!
[after a pause, Dent drops the coin]
Harvey Dent: Batman, help me.
[Batman pulls him up... ]
Two-Face: Never!
[lets go of Batman's hand, and falls]


"Batman Beyond: Final Cut (#2.15)" (2000)
[in the Batmobile]
Max: Ouch! Could you get your ear out of my eye?
Batman: I warned you, the Batmobile wasn't built to carry two people.
Max: All those billions, and you'd think that he could afford a back seat.

Max: How do you do it?
Batman: Do what?
Max: This hero thing.
Batman: It's easier for me. I got the suit.
Max: No. How do you save the world... AND NOT TELL ANYBODY?


"Justice League: Hereafter (#2.19)" (2003)
Kalibak: I just flattened Wonder Woman! You really think you can beat me?
Batman: I'm not trying to beat you. I'm trying to stall you.
Kalibak: Stall me? For what?
[Superman lands behind Kalibak, who turns]
Kalibak: Awww...
[Superman punches Kalibak into some cars]
Kalibak: Ooooh!
Superman: For what it's worth, I don't think you could've taken Batman either.

Batman: Another dead end. I'm begining to wonder if I might be wrong.
[looking at the Superman Memorial]
Batman: I've got some things to say. I should have said them when you were here, but... Despite our differences I have nothing but respect for you. I hope you knew - know that. You showed me that justice doesn't always have to come from the darkness. I'll miss...
[explosion in the background]
Batman: What did you always call it. Clark? The never ending battle.


Superheroes on Superhero Movies (2004)
Batman: I mean, come on. Val Kilmer. Great as Iceman. Plays Batman and he's all "Aaarrrrhh I'm Val Kilmer. Aaarrrrhh." And then we got that Clooney guy. Great doctor for kids. Plays me and he's all "Aaarrrrhh, I'm a Clooney Batman. Aaarrrrhh." And now they got that guy... that Christian Bale fellow. I say fellow cause he's all British and shit. And he's gonna be all like "Aaarrrrhh, I'm Christian Bale Batman. I'm an American Psycho. Aaarrrrhh."

Batman: One of my greatest foes ever - Mr. Freeze. Come on, he sounds nothing like that.
[Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation]
Batman: "I uh, I uh, I'm Mr. Freeze. I uh, chill out Batman. I uh, freeze you and Robin and then, then I uh, chill out some more. Cure Alfred." He sounds nothing like that.


"Batman: Black Widow Strikes Again (#2.55)" (1967)
Batman: [on Batphone] It's as simple as ABC, Commisioner. Black Widow is going right through the alphabet.
Robin: No wonder the Batcomputer couldn't figure out her plan, it was too easy!

Batman: So, Latrodectus mactans, commonly known as Black Widow - caught in your own web, eh?
Black Widow: There is nothing common about me, Dynamic Doll.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Make 'Em Laugh (#3.7)" (1994)
Batmobile Receiver: Disturbance reported at the Top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun.
Batman: It's gonna be one of those nights.

Batman: You've hit a new low, Joker. Only you would ruin three lives for a silly piece of tin.
The Joker: You're dumber than you look, Bats. It's not the trophy that matters, it's the title! I am the greatest clown this dismal burg has ever seen! Where would the good folk of Gotham be without my pranks and antics?
Batman: Let's find out!


"Batman Beyond: Rats (#2.9)" (1999)
Mad Stan: [after he sets his last charge and pulls out his detonator] BLOW IT ALL UP!
[Batman throws a batarang at the wire between the detonator and the suit, cutting it, then knocks him to the floor with a punch, then pins him and pulls one of his arms behind his back]
Batman: Keep it down, Stan. We're in a library.
Mad Stan: You think this is a joke? Look around, Batman! Society's crumbling! And do you know why?
Batman: Too many overdue books?
[pulls out handcuffs and puts them on one of his wrists]
Mad Stan: Information overload, man!
[Grabs Batman by the neck with his ankles and flips him off his back to the floor]
Mad Stan: As a society we're drowning in a quagmire of vid-clips, e-mail, and sound bytes!
[Puts him in an arm lock]
Mad Stan: We can't absorb it all! There's only one sane solution:
[puts a bomb with a 10 second timer on the side of Batman's face]
Mad Stan: BLOW IT UP!
[Swings him around and flings him a distance, Batman wrenches the bomb off his face and tosses it away before it detonates and he braces himself from the impact on one of the walls]

Batman: [after Mad Stan throws him into a wall and he lands on his back on the ground] For this, I'm missing a date?


"Justice League: Secret Origins (#1.1)" (2001)
[Batman, presumed to be unconscious, has caught the hand of a paramedic reaching for his mask]
Batman: Don't even think about it.

Batman: [first seeing J'onn J'onzz] What is it?
Superman: Mankind's only hope.


"Batman: Penguin's Clean Sweep (#3.20)" (1968)
Batman: One bite from this fruit fly, Robin, and you might have been asleep for years.
Robin: [gasping] Holy Rip Van Winkle.

The Penguin: Now, we're the only people in Gotham City protected against the Lygerian sleeping sickness.
[guffaws]
Robin: [Batman and Robin burst in] You're not protected against a good right jab, you slimey bird!
Batman: It's beddy-bye for you, Penguin.
The Penguin: Nobody catches the Penguin sleeping, Dynamic Dreamers!


"Batman: Green Ice (#2.19)" (1966)
Batman: Yes, Alfred?
Alfred: Knowing first things come first, sir, I waited until the last possible moment before interrupting your imporant computations, but, eh, the guests will be arriving shortly.
Batman: Guests?
Alfred: Yes sir, the poolside reception this evening. For the Bruce Wayne Foundation.
Robin: Holy tuxedo. If we're late, Aunt Harriet will kill us!

Police Sergeant: It's terrible. I'm afraid they... died an icy death by now.
Batman: A negative view point sergeant, man has nothing without hope.


"Batman: The Joker's Provokers (#2.22)" (1966)
Batman: [picks up Batphone in Batcave] Yes, Commissioner. I would have phoned you sooner but I had nothing to report.

Batman: As insidious a scheme as could be imagined: extortion via... time...


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Mechanic (#1.48)" (1993)
Earl Cooper: [sees the damaged Batmobile] You been letting the kid drive again?
Robin: Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin.
Batman: Or three of his men.

Batman: I need a new car.


"The New Batman Adventures: Animal Act (#2.4)" (1998)
Robin: Nightwing! What are you doing here?
Nightwing: Oh, just following a pattern of obsessive behavior instilled on me at an early age.
Batman: You should work on your stealth skills. I heard you coming halfway across the roof.
Nightwing: Good to see you, too.

Batman: You all right?
Nightwing: Yeah, what's a couple of ribs?


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: The Color of Revenge! (#1.18)" (2009)
Crazy Quilt: I will carve the cityscape into a masterpiece to rival of Mount Rushmore.
Robin: That's a pretty ambitious plan for a guy who can barely dress himself.
Batman: No taunting, Robin.
Crazy Quilt: Insolent whelp!

Robin: Please, not the sidecar.
Batman: I thought you liked the sidecar.
Robin: Yeah, when I was 8.


"Justice League: The Enemy Below (#1.6)" (2001)
Batman: I'll take it from here.
[he leads Deadshot a short distance away]
Deadshot: You can't scare me into talking, Batman.
Batman: Let me give you one word of advice...
[cut to Superman and Wonder Woman listening from a distance, where only Superman can hear]
Deadshot: Okay, okay! I'll tell!
Wonder Woman: What did he say?
Superman: You don't want to know.

Doctor: [after putting Aquaman in a water tank] His vitals. They're stabilizing.
Batman: Maintain saline at 3.5 percent.
Doctor: But how could you possibly guess that?
Batman: He's a fish out of water. Salt water.


"Batman: Louie, the Lilac (#3.7)" (1967)
Batman: I strongly suspect that this lilac colored card could be... a plant.

Batman: Go back outside and calm the flower children.
Robin: They'll mob me!
Batman: Groovy.


"The New Batman Adventures: Old Wounds (#2.5)" (1998)
Batman: Where's the Joker?
Connor: I- I don't know.
[Batman slams Connor against the wall]
Connor's Son: Daddy!
Batman: Remember now?
[Robin watches as Connor's wife and child huddle in the corner in fear]
Robin (Dick Grayson): Batman, not like this. Not in front of his family.
Batman: The sooner he talks, the sooner we leave.
Robin (Dick Grayson): [Sees Connor's son starting to cry] I'm out of here now!

Robin (Dick Grayson): Batgirl. I still can't believe it. How could you keep something like this from me?
Batgirl: You weren't exactly honest with me, either.
Robin (Dick Grayson): But you told him.
Batgirl: He knew.
Batman: It wasn't my place to tell you.
Robin (Dick Grayson): But it was your place to put her in danger.
Batgirl: It wasn't like that. I volunteered!
Robin (Dick Grayson): You think you did. You don't know him like I do. He manipulates, pulls strings, anything to get what he wants.
Batman: I thought we had the same goals.
Robin (Dick Grayson): Things change. I've changed. The game's over, Batman. I quit.
Batman: Robin, wait.
[Batman grabs Robin's shoulder. Robin then turns around and hits Batman in the face]


"Justice League: For the Man Who Has Everything (#3.2)" (2004)
[it's Superman's birthday; Batman shows Wonder Woman his gift - it's just an envelope]
Wonder Woman: Bruce, you didn't get him a gift certificate, did you?
Batman: No!
[pause]
Batman: Cash.

[last lines]
[Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman look at Mongul, imprisoned by the Black Mercy]
Wonder Woman: I wonder what he's seeing?
Batman: [with feeling] Whatever it is, it's too good for him.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: The Power of Shazam! (#2.10)" (2010)
Captain Marvel: It's truly an honor to fight evildoers besides such a brave and selfless hero again.
Batman: Uh... thanks.

Captain Marvel: I know it sounds strange, Batman, but there's a kinship between me and Teth-Adam. I can feel it. Shazam!
[turns into Billy Batson]
Batman: I understand your need for family, Billy. More than you can know.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Perchance to Dream (#1.26)" (1992)
[holding a dream machine]
James Gordon: I'll have the lab boys take a look at it. Any idea what it is?
Batman: Yes, the stuff that dreams are made of.

Dr. Jervis Tetch: It's impossible! No one's will is strong enough to escape my dream machine!
Batman: Why? Why did you do it?
Dr. Jervis Tetch: You, of all people, have the gall to ask me that? You ruined my life! I was willing to give you whatever life you wanted, just to keep you out of mine!


"Batman Beyond: Out of the Past (#3.5)" (2000)
Batman: [after finding out Ra's transferred his mind into Talia's body] Lady, that is the sickest thing I've ever heard! You're creeping me out.
Bruce Wayne: *You*? She *kissed* me!

Batman: Lady, that is the sickest thing that I've ever seen. You're creeping me out.
Bruce Wayne: You? She kissed me.


"Batman: How to Hatch a Dinosaur (#3.9)" (1967)
Robin: The Bat-computer is none too frisky today, Batman.
Batman: Yes, it's possible the supply of radium somewhere in the city has been moved. And as radio-sensitive as our machine is, it just possibly could be affected by that, and it's lucky that you and Batgirl found us, Alfred, otherwise Robin and Commissioner Gordon might not be too frisky either.
Robin: Holy understatements, we would have been in the soup for good.

Batman: I'm afraid we're not going to get much help from the Bat-Computer, Robin. It can't go back to prehistoric times. This is a problem for good old- fashioned brain-power. We'll have to think it out.
[touches index finger to forehead and thinks]


"Batman: Flop Goes the Joker (#2.58)" (1967)
[over the telephone]
Batman: This caper was even more obvious than most.
The Joker: Ohhh! You can say that over the phone, Batman. But if I had you here, I'd pound you to a pulp!
[Joker does not realize Batman is there in the room and hangs up. So does Batman]
Batman: Start pounding, Joker!
[Joker turns and throws up his arms in fright]
The Joker: Aaaah!

The Joker: [after being shot back up the Bat Pole] Someone get me off this crazy dumbwaiter! I can't breathe!
Batman: Joker says he can't breathe, Alfred, why don't you give him some breathing space?
Alfred Pennyworth: My pleasure, sir.
[hits the down button on the Bat Pole elevator]
The Joker: Oh no! AHHHHHHHHHH! HEEEEELLLLLLP!


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Battle of the Superheroes! (#3.1)" (2011)
King Tut: Feel the wrath of Osiris!
[hits Batman and Robin with optic blast]
King Tut: By the power of Horus, it's not possible!
Batman: Sorry, Pharaoh.
Robin: Our wrappings are covered in buttermilk, the one thing that repels Pharaoh rays.

Superman: Mr. Mxyzptlk!
Mr. Mxyzptlk: Superman! And Batman! What fun!
Batman: And I thought Bat-Mite was a weird one.
Superman: Don't worry. I just need to trick him into saying his name backwards. Knock knock.
Mr. Mxyzptlk: A joke? I love jokes! Who's there?
Superman: Kltpzyxm.
Mr. Mxyzptlk: Kltpzyxm who?
Mr. Mxyzptlk: [realizes said his name backwards] Oh, nuts!
[disappears]


"Batman Beyond: The Call: Part 1 (#3.7)" (2000)
Bruce Wayne: This isn't the first time Superman's gone rogue. I made sure to be prepared for when it happens again. I prayed I'd never have to use it.
Batman: Kryptonite. This could kill him.
Bruce Wayne: Do whatever it takes, but make sure you stop him.

Clark Kent: Good to see you Bruce.
Bruce Wayne: It's been a while.
Clark Kent: You seem to be holding up pretty well.
Bruce Wayne: I could use some of that Kryptonian DNA.
Clark Kent: You'll outlive us all, Bruce. You're too stubborn to die.
Bruce Wayne: [Looks at Terry] What are you smiling at?
Batman: Nothing.


"Batman: Death in Slow Motion (#1.31)" (1966)
Batman: Mother Gotham never baked this pie... it's topped with sleeping cream.

Alfred: You don't fancy, sir, that this famous desperado intends to stoop to the robbery of a lemonade stand?
Batman: You've hit it! It fits like my glove.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: The Scorn of the Star Sapphire! (#3.5)" (2011)
Steve Trevor: Have to say, being a secret agent is a cinch when you have a super-powered girlfriend.
Batman: I wouldn't know.

Batman: So you crashed another of my planes?
Hal Jordan: Not doing this now...


"Batman: The Devil's Fingers (#2.15)" (1966)
Batman: The poor devil, he's been assaulted with a root beer bottle!

Chandell: [regaining consciousness to find Batman & Robin standing over him] Heavenly days, am I dreaming?
Batman: No, it's us in the flesh.


"Challenge of the Superfriends: Monolith of Evil/Attack of the Vampire (#1.6)" (1978)
Batman: Great Gotham!

[last lines]
Green Lantern: They'll be back and with another sinister plan.
Batman: And that one will fail, too, as long as they fight against justice and the SuperFriends.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Legends of the Dark Mite! (#1.19)" (2009)
Batman: [about Calendar Man] There, I defeated your villain of choice. Now, will you go home?
Bat-Mite: Whoa, whoa. That was never a fair fight. You've got skills and weapons. All he's got is a daily planner.

Cat-Man: You're a long way from Gotham, Batman.
Batman: But never far from crime, Catman.


"Super Friends: The Androids (#1.8)" (1973)
Batman: Unless my memory fails me...
Robin: And it never has to *my* memory.
Batman: This is the first time in the history of space exploration that we've not had to hold the countdown.

Batman: This may very well be our supreme test.


"Batman: The Joker Trumps an Ace (#1.25)" (1966)
Batman: [Batman and Robin are all tied up] It's like being caught in a barrel of snakes!
The Joker: Well, well, now I must say, this is an expected pleasure.
[laughs]

The Joker: There are only two ways to get out of there. One: I let you out. And two: you jump fifty feet straight up!
Batman: You still intend to free us if we can stay afloat for an hour?
The Joker: Oh, dear me! Surely you don't think I'd joke about such a serious matter as that, do you? Time to start filling the tank!
Batman: But... that's gas!
The Joker: I do believe you're right! But then, who said anything about water?
Robin: But you can't float in gas!
The Joker: No, but you can drown in it!


"Challenge of the Superfriends: The Giants of Doom/The Beasts Are Coming (#1.7)" (1978)
Batman: Quick, Robin! The electronic Bat-Hoist.

Batman: Great Gotham!


"Justice League: Secret Society: Part II (#2.18)" (2003)
[Batman has just seen through Clayface's over-urban impression of the Flash]
Clayface: What gave me away?
Batman: You overplayed your part, "yo."

[Batman throws a Batarang, and for the umpteenth time, Shade loses his power when his staff is knocked out of his hand]
Batman: Never learn, do you?
[Shade kicks him square in the face, knocking him onto his back]
The Shade: Actually, I have learned a few things.
[he assumes a fighting stance. Batman does the same, and motions "come on."]


"Batman: The Joker Is Wild (#1.5)" (1966)
Batman: I think I've got it...
Robin: You have, Batman?
Batman: [picks up the Joker's doll by the head] What other kind of clown is there besides a circus clown? I'll give you a hint: tonight, there's going to be a live telecast of the Gotham City opera company.
Robin: [hits palm of his hand with fist] Golly, Batman, I still don't get it.
Batman: They're performing a certain celebrated Italian opera...
Robin: [thinks for a moment] Holy ravioli!
Robin: You're warm...
Batman, Robin: Pagliacci!

Batman: [to the Joker] Here's a joke on you, you fiend!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Joker's Favor (#1.7)" (1992)
Commissioner James 'Jim' Gordon: If anybody should be getting a testimonial, it's you.
Batman: I'm just the night shift. You have to deal with this mess twenty-four hours a day.

Charlie Collins: Hold it!
The Joker: Oh, come on.
Charlie Collins: I said hold it!
[slugs Joker in the face, knocking him to the ground]
The Joker: You miserable little nobody! If I get caught, your wife and son are history!
Charlie Collins: Your not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van.
[reveals a Joker bomb]
Charlie Collins: This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes. No grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow all the papers will say is it the great Joker who was found blown to bits in an alley alongside a miserable little nobody?" Kinda funny. Ironic really. See, I can destroy a man's dreams too and that's really the only dream you've got? Isn't it?
The Joker: Look, Charlie, you've been having a bad day. All this running around, all this excitement with...
[Yells]
The Joker: BATMAN!
The Joker: [to Charlie] Stop! Y-you're crazy!
Charlie Collins: I had a good teacher.
[Chuckles]
Charlie Collins: Say goodnight, Gracie!
The Joker: No! Batman! Batman!
[Gasps with relief to see Batman appear]
The Joker: How long have you been there?
Batman: Long enough. Put it down, Charlie.
Charlie Collins: You know he'll just escape again. This is the only way my family stays safe.
The Joker: All right, you win, take it easy.
[Empties pockets]
The Joker: Here's everything on his blasted family. Names, addresses, it's all there.
[Gets grabbed by Batman]
The Joker: You're no fun anymore, Charlie.
Charlie Collins: Hey, Joker!
[Charlie tosses the bomb to Joker. Joker screams and hides himself behind Batman. It turns out the bomb is a dud. Trembling, the Joker looks out from behind Batman's shoulder]
Charlie Collins: Gotcha!
Batman: [Chuckles]
The Joker: Oh, very funny. A million laughs.
Batman: Go home, Mr. Collins.
Charlie Collins: Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meat loaf.


"Young Justice: Drop-Zone (#1.4)" (2011)
Robin: So who's in charge?
Batman: [Batman and Red Tornado exchange glances] Work that out between you.

Batman: A simple recon mission. Observe and report! You'll each receive written evaluations detailing your *many* mistakes... Until then - good job... No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy. How you adjust to the unforseen is what determines success. And how you choose who leads determines character.


"Beware the Batman: Safe (#1.4)" (2013)
Batman: [Tatsu Yamashiro has been injured in a fight] How bad are you?
Tatsu Yamashiro: I'm alive.
Batman: Good. Stay that way.

Batman: [Batman stops Tatsu Yamashiro from murdering] Once you cross that line, you can't go back.


"Batman: King Tut's Coup (#2.53)" (1967)
Batman: [while Batclimbing the side of a hotel] Suzy Knickerbocker, what are you doing in Gotham City?
Suzy Knickerbocker: [sticking her head out of a window at an uncomfortable angle] I go where the action is, Batman. The Carribean, the Riviera, the Greek Islands. Wherever there's glamor, that's where I am.
Robin: I'm afraid you'll find it pretty quiet here, then.
Suzy Knickerbocker: Oh, I don't know, Boy Wonder, I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor.
Batman: Stately Wayne Manor.

Batman: [reading aloud from the Electronic Translator] I, the great King Tut have returned to Gotham City to wreak revenge on Batman and his accursed companion.
Robin: Hey, that's me!


"Justice League: Dead Reckoning (#5.6)" (2006)
Batman: You're wasting time! Go in as a ghost. Find the central control and shut down the shield generator. We'll follow as soon as we can.
Superman: Yeah, okay!
[Deadman leaves Superman's body]
Superman: ...you have to eat them with a spoon. What am I doing in Africa?

Batman: [from the Watchtower] Solivar, this is Batman.
Solivar: What a coincidence. I was just about to call you.
[Solivar is shown crouching behind rubble, holding a gun. Sounds of battle]
Batman: We wanted to give you a heads-up. We have reason to believe Grodd may be coming your way.
Solivar: You don't say! That would explain the armies of supervillains attacking the city!


"The New Batman Adventures: The Demon Within (#1.10)" (1998)
Batman: You've done enough damage for one night, young man.
Klarion the Witch Boy: You think you're going to stop me?
Batman: Yes.
Klarion the Witch Boy: No one's talked to me like that in so long.
Batman: Get used to it.

Batman: What now?
Etrigan the Demon: "Mother's grief, Father's shame. Soon he goes to whence he came."
Robin: What's that mean?
Etrigan the Demon: I'm sending him to his room.
[Etrigan, Klarion and Teekl disappear]
Robin: About tonight...
Batman: Don't ask. Just... Don't ask.


"Batman: The Animated Series: On Leather Wings (#1.2)" (1992)
Batman: [reads] Gotham Police declare war on Batman.
Alfred Pennyworth: I gather you've been reading, "How to Make Friends and Influence People".
Batman: Somebody's setting me up.
Alfred Pennyworth: My heavens! You mean it wasn't you tossing guards out of windows last night?
Batman: I only toss butlers, Alfred.

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Who's back there?
[Batman steps out of the shadows]
Dr. Kirk Langstrom: You.
Batman: I'm looking for Dr. March.
Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He's not here, Batman.
Batman: Where is he?
Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant.
Batman: [holding up a stolen chemical] He's misguided and a thief.
Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He's just a theorist. He was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... *it* took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about. It was out of my control. And it only needs one more component to complete the process. It's in me, Batman.
[Kirk laughs as he begins to transform into the Man-Bat]


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Last Laugh (#1.15)" (1992)
Batman: Justice will be served, Joker.
The Joker: Service with a smile?
[Joker throws one of his steel playing-cards at Batman, but it misses him and hits a wall]
Batman: Clean up your act, Joker.
The Joker: Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke.
[Joker laughs maniacally]

Batman: Alfred, I left the hex key upstairs in the den. Would you bring it down?
Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, go fetch it yourself!
[Blows raspberry]
Batman: Very funny, Alfred. But I've no time to play.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: Will the Real Robin Please Stand Up?/He Who Swipes the Ice, Goes to the Cooler (#1.11)" (1968)
Robin: Why would Catwoman want a kid working with her?
Batman: Maybe she's asked the same question about me?
Robin: Wh... I'm - that's different!

Catwoman: Take the jewels off the dummies, too.
Batman: [her henchman turns a cloaked figure around to reveal it's Batman] Now who's a dummy?


"Young Justice: Downtime (#1.8)" (2011)
Batman: I need to talk to Aqualad. The rest of you, hit the showers and head home.
Superboy: "Head home?" I *am* home.

Aqualad: I am sorry you had to intervene. I know the team performed poorly.
Batman: The team performed adequately. The problem was *you*. You're their leader, and your head wasn't in the game.
Aqualad: No, you are
[sighs]
Aqualad: correct. Of late, I am not even convinced I belong on the surface world. For so many years, it filled my every thought. But now that I am here, my dreams are all of Atlantis.
Batman: Atlantis or someone you left behind? You can split your time between the surface and the sea. But not your mind. Either you're here 100% or you need to walk away. Make a, decision, Kaldur, and make it soon.


Injustice 2 (2017) (VG)
Batman: Atlantis can't be my enemy.
Aquaman: Next time, try diplomacy.
Batman: I did. That's why we're here.

Batman: I'm not Clark's enemy.
Supergirl: This sure is a funny way to show it.
Batman: You haven't heard the whole story.


"Batman: Instant Freeze (#1.7)" (1966)
Robin: Holy iceberg! We can expect a crimewave.
Batman: No, Robin, a cold wave. Of terror.
Commissioner Gordon: How?
Chief O'Hara: Where will he strike first?
Batman: That's for him to plot and us to guess.
Robin: We'll use our Anti-Crime-Computer in the Batcave

Batman: Poor devil. Forced to live in an air-conditioned suit that keeps his body temperature down to fifty degrees below zero. No wonder his mind is warped.


"Batman: The Animated Series: See No Evil (#1.56)" (1993)
[Driving his car, with Batman hanging on, on a railway towards a speeding train, apparently in a suicide attack]
Lloyd "Eddie" Ventrix: You're coming with me whether you want to or not!
Batman: Not in this lifetime, pal!
[Both Batman and Ventrix jump off the car before the train hits]

Batman: Ventrix, the suit! It's poison!
Lloyd Ventrix: So what if it is? I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't be able to stop me, and neither will you!


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Cat and the Claw Part II (#1.8)" (1992)
Batman: Red Claw, a woman?
Red Claw: Do you have a problem with that?
Batman: Not at all. I'm an equal-opportunity crime- fighter!

[Returning home]
Catwoman: Maven?... Maven?
Batman: She's gone. The terrorists were after both of you.
Catwoman: Have you told the police you found your "cat burglar"?
Batman: Not yet.
Catwoman: Why not?
Batman: I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal.
Catwoman: So you do care.
[Batman cuffs her]
Batman: More than you'll ever know.


"Batman Beyond: Black Out (#1.3)" (1999)
[flying the Batmobile for the first time]
Batman: This is *unbearably* cool!

Bruce Wayne: [while Terry is piloting the Batmobile] Remember, easy gestures, let the suit do the work...
Batman: [speeding] WOO-HOO!
Bruce Wayne: Mind not doing that?
Batman: Sorry.
Bruce Wayne: You scratch it, no allowance.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Feat of Clay Part I (#1.4)" (1992)
Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce, what am I to do about the police? They shall be back, you know. I can't keep telling them you're out.
Batman: Police? What police? What are you talking about?
Alfred Pennyworth: I suggest you consult the morning paper, sir.
Batman: [Batman picks up the newspaper] "Bruce Wayne sought for questioning in attempt on executive's life"? But that's impossible!

Batman: Listen up scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram?
Raymond Bell: Wayne... Bruce Wayne!
Batman: You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer?


"Batman: The Animated Series: I've Got Batman in My Basement (#1.20)" (1992)
Sherman: Mom, this is Batman. Batman, this is my mother.
Batman: Ma'am.
Mrs. Grant: Oh... hello.
Sherman: Say, Batman, you wouldn't happen to be single, would you?

Batman: [after rescuing some nosy kids] Get out, now!
The Penguin: [emerges from debris] You should've taken your own advice.
[Shoots him]


"Batman: The Animated Series: The Demon's Quest: Part II (#1.58)" (1993)
Ubu: [Batman, in disguise, fights Ubu and knocks him to the ground, keeping him there with multiple punches. Batman is then restrained by several of Ra's Al Ghul's henchmen. Ubu grunts as he stands back up] For this indignity I will see you suffer!
[Raises hand to strike Batman]
Ra's Al Ghul: Enough! What is the meaning of this disturbance, Ubu?
Ubu: Forgive me, master. But I discovered this most unworthy one spying.
Ra's Al Ghul: Oh. I believe I would have a closer look at one so foolish... or so brave.
Ubu: [Ra's Al Ghul unmasks Batman's disguise revealing his cowl] You?
Ra's Al Ghul: My admiration for you was well-founded, detective.
Batman: Too bad I can't say the same.
Ubu: [Batman is relived of the rest of his disguise] Shall I dispatch him, master?
Ra's Al Ghul: No. For now, just relive him of that cumbersome belt.
[Belt is removed]
Ra's Al Ghul: Oh, and search him. Make certain that he conceals no surprises which might enable him to escape.
Batman: You have nothing to lose by telling me what you're doing here!
Ra's Al Ghul: [Batman is stripped of his gloves, cape, and shirt by the henchmen] Yes, I suppose I do owe you that much, detective, since in many ways you are responsible for it. You see, I had hoped to achieve my vision of an earthly utopia gradually over time, with my heir carrying on my work after I was gone. But your refusal to become my heir has left me no other choice.
Ubu: [Ubu reaches for Batman's cowl] His mask, master?
Ra's Al Ghul: No, leave it. It is a mark of honor. Even though because of him I must now use what I call the 'Lazarus Effect' to achieve my utopia in one bold stroke.
Batman: [is escorted to Ra's Al Ghul's command center] How?
Ra's Al Ghul: The material of the pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the earth's surface only at certain key places. Even now my people are placing bombs such as that one over the various Lazarus pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit.
Batman: Morpheus!
Ra's Al Ghul: Precisely! And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite beginning a countdown. Precisely! And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite beginning a countdown.
[Collage of images showing what will happen]
Ra's Al Ghul: Five minutes thereafter one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution and when the resultant cataclysm has abated there will come a blessed peace. And this poor defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory.
Batman: But that will cost countless lives!
Ra's Al Ghul: Actually, detective, we have counted. 2,56,986,000. A most impressing plan, would you not agree?

Ubu: [for the umpteenth time] Infidel!
Batman: If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Robin's Reckoning: Part II (#1.53)" (1993)
Robin: You were right, y'know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally.
Batman: It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too.
[pause]
Robin: Come on, partner. It's been a long night.

[Robin dangles Tony Zucco, his parents' murderer, over a fall]
Batman: Robin! That's enough, Robin! You can't allow your personal feelings to guide your actions.
Robin: [shouting] Stuff you, Batman! You and your stone- cold heart! You don't know how I feel! How could you...?
[Batman is silent, while Robin realizes what he's said]
Robin: Batman, I...


"Batman Beyond: Splicers (#2.1)" (1999)
[Batman has just shot a splicer with antidote, transmuting her back to normal]
Ramond: What did you do to her?
Batman: Let's say I put the cat out.
Ramond: No! I'll never go back to being a nobody!
[Batman throws the splicer to a wall, then shoots him with antidote]
Batman: Have a dose of reality, pal. You're gonna need it.

Batman: I fixed your pets, Doc! Now it's just you and me! So come out and face me, man to freak show!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Mad as a Hatter (#1.24)" (1992)
Alfred Pennyworth: Dare we hope that Gotham treats you to an early evening, sir?
Batman: I should be so lucky. The police emergency band just switched on.
Alfred Pennyworth: Then I'll prepare your usual breakfast: toast, coffee... bandages.
Batman: Goodnight, Alfred.

The Mad Hatter: I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her!
Batman: Then all you've waited for is a puppet... a soulless little doll.
The Mad Hatter: It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her!


"Justice League: Wild Cards (#2.21)" (2003)
[the Flash has to defuse a bomb]
The Flash: [over radio] Batman, I've got a problem.
[cut to Batman, being strangled by one of Jack's arms]
Batman: You... don't... say!

[while Batman is evading Jack's punches, he talks to Flash over the radio]
The Flash: I found a bomb, you gotta talk me through disarming it.
Batman: Okay. Remove the lid.
The Flash: Already done.
Batman: Don't jump ahead! Do exactly as I say!
The Flash: I opened it before I called...
Batman: [blow lands] Uh!
The Flash: Batman? You okay?
Batman: Grasp the red metal collar with both hands, pull it straight up. It's magnetized, don't touch the sides or it'll blow up the whole block.
The Flash: Done.
Batman: Disconnect the following wires in...
[blow lands]
Batman: AH! - in precisely this order: blue, yellow-and-black-striped, red, then black.
The Flash: [hands blur over the wires, then] Okay, what next?
Batman: You're done, find another one!
The Flash: I'm on it!


"Batman Beyond: Hidden Agenda (#2.5)" (1999)
Batman: Run.
Max Gibson: You called it.
[She runs towards the Jokerz and tackles one of them]
Batman: Not what I meant.

Batman: [Runs after and grabs Trey and then sees the card key for Maxine Gibson's locker around his neck] What are you doing with this?
Trey: I use it to scrape bugs off my windshield. I guess that isn't working, you're still here!
Batman: You've been breaking into school lockers. Why?
Trey: Just her locker, to post a message, she's a threat!
Batman: Because she can finger you clowns beneath your grease paint?
Trey: I wouldn't know anything about that. I just do as I'm told.
Batman: Tell your boss to back off! I'll get Max off his tail. You think you can relay that message for me?
[Throws Trey to the ground]
Trey: Sure man, but you may wanna give us a tow back to the school. That's where we left him.


Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014) (V)
Amanda Waller: You going to write a blog and expose us? That's checkmate, Batman.
Batman: I am warning you.

Amanda Waller: What can I say? I break a lot of eggs to make an omelet.
Batman: And because you're such a messy cook, the Riddler managed to escape.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Be a Clown (#1.11)" (1992)
[as the roller coaster with Batman on it blows up]
The Joker: That must have been his stop!
[Batman appears at the back of Joker's coaster]
Batman: On the contrary, Joker: this is where *you* get off!

[Fighting with Joker on a roller coaster, Batman kicks him, sending him flying off the rail. Screaming, Joker plummets down into the river, disappearing with a splash]
Batman: He always knew how to make an exit.


Season of Infamy (2015) (VG)
Batman: You weren't a good man, Ra's. But you needed conviction.

Alfred Pennyworth: While I presume it's the League, sir. The reporting officer's precise words were, and I quote "crazy-ass ninjas".
Batman: Thanks, Alfred. I'll investigate.


"Batman: The Catwoman Goeth (#2.34)" (1966)
Alfred: [Batman arrives in the Batcave walking briskly, where Alfred is dusting the Alf-Cycle] Oh! You gave me quite a startle, sir. I didn't hear the Batmobile.
Batman: No, I took the subway to Wayne station and Batwalked up the road.

Batman: [calling from a phonebooth] Now I must get to the Batcave as fast as possible.
Commissioner Gordon: [on phone in his office] Let me send a policecar for you!
Batman: A needless waste of taxpayers money, Commissioner. Gotham City's transit line is the world's most rapid.


"Batman: Batman Is Riled (#1.6)" (1966)
The Joker: [Batman and Robin are lying unconscious with their heads on a chopping block] I get the S.S. Gotham, or your precious Dynamic Duo gets launched... to eternity!
[laughs]
Batman: [Batman and Robin spring into action] Wrong, Joker! YOU get launched!
Robin: Right back to the pen where you belong!
The Joker: Egads! What sorcery is this? There was enough paralyzing gas in that cork to keep ordinary men unconscious for hours!
Batman: No sorcery; merely the precaution of a Universal Drug Antidote PILL!
[slugs the Joker]
Robin: [as a fight ensues] You've tripped on one of your tricks this time, Joker!
Batman: That replica of your utility belt was too exact!
Robin: We analyzed the cork you had in it and found paralyzing gas!
Batman: And I just happened to notice that the seal around the cork in that bottle of champagne was NOT discolored with age... odd in a 1849 vintage!

Robin: Then when you thought you were stopping him with your utility belt, he was really stopping us with his!
Batman: That tricky devil! He's hit us below the belt!
Robin: Golly. What do you suppose little Harold is going to think now?


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Inside the Outsiders! (#1.24)" (2009)
Green Arrow: [as he and Batman descend toward a lion, a tiger and a panther on a huge "scratching post"] This is another fine mess you've gotten me into.
Batman: How could I know she had knockout gas in her makeup compact?
Green Arrow: Oh, I don't know, maybe because you've fought her *like two dozen times*.


"The New Batman Adventures: Love Is a Croc (#1.13)" (1998)
Batgirl: Are you sure about this?
Batman: So far all their robberies have been near water. Baby Doll's playing towards her man's strength.
Batgirl: What do you suppose they do on a date?
Batman: ...I don't want to think about it.


"How It Should Have Ended: How Spider-Man 3 Should Have Ended (#1.18)" (2007)
Superman: What the heck was that?
Batman: Peter Parker just did a Saturday Night Fever strut across our window.
Superman: I know. But why?
Batman: I'm not sure. But I was afraid something like this would happen.
Superman: What do you mean?
Batman: Uh, have you seen this?
[Batman shows a video on his cellphone of Spider-Man dancing]


"Batman: The Cat's Meow (#2.29)" (1966)
Batman: Catwoman, can't you see the folly of your ways? With your beauty and intellect, you can go much further helping your fellow man rather than harming them!
Catwoman: A bit of whimsy that escapes me at the moment, Batman. Get 'em, guys!


"Challenge of the Superfriends: SuperFriends: Rest in Peace/Journey Through Inner Space (#1.15)" (1978)
Batman: Great Gotham! I've only got a fraction of a second!


"Batman Beyond: Sneak Peek (#2.18)" (2000)
Batman: What I'm saying, is you or someone who works for you has the ability to go through walls.
Sneak Peek: If I could do that, I'd be a very rich reporter.
Batman: But you *are* a rich reporter.


"Batman: Penguin Sets a Trend (#2.43)" (1967)
Batman: All that time we spent on the Remote Control Activator really reaped dividends, Robin.
Robin: I'll say, Batman. Remind me to give the Batmobile an extra quart of oil next time we change it.
Batman: And now we have to get our hands on a certain oily bird.


"Batman: Hizzonner the Penguin (#2.17)" (1966)
Robin: Don't you think we should make these election posters a little bigger, Batman?
Batman: I think these are quite large enough, Robin. After all, the voters are interested in issues, not window-dressing.
Robin: Sure Batman, but a little showmanship wouldn't hurt us any.
Batman: No Robin, I want to conduct a campaign that deals with the issues. I'm convinced the American electorate is too mature to be taken in by cheap, vaudeville trickery. After all, if our national leaders were elected on the basis of tricky slogans, brass bands and pretty girls, our country would be in a terrible mess, wouldn't it?


"The New Batman Adventures: Double Talk (#1.6)" (1997)
Batman: Arnold, don't do this.
Arnold Wesker: It's out of my hands.
Batman: He's the puppet, not you.
Scarface: Don't listen to him, dummy! He's playin' you like a cheap fiddle! Do him already!
Arnold Wesker: [hesitantly points gun at Batman] I'm sorry.
Scarface: Come on! What are you waitin' for? For once in your life, do something right!
Arnold Wesker: ...Yes.
[Arnold turns the gun on Scarface, shooting him multiple times until he falls off the railing, falling towards rotating AC fan]
Scarface: That's it, dummy! When I get my hands on...
[Scarface falls into the fan, instantly ending up sawdust]


"Challenge of the Superfriends: Revenge on Gorilla City/The Anti-Matter Monster (#1.9)" (1978)
Batman: My batarang balloon will stop him!


"Justice League: Epilogue (#4.13)" (2005)
Ace: Did you like playing with my new Royal Flush Gang?
Batman: Can't say that I did.
Ace: Yeah. They aren't any fun at all. I gave them their powers, and they still hardly ever play with me.
Batman: Can't imagine why.
Ace: When I was little, Cadmus used to make me play all kinds of games, but they weren't any fun either. They'd strap me into their machines and poke wires into my brain. "Ace, can you move this object with your mind?".
[Moves a tree into the sky]
Ace: Yeah, I can move it. They weren't really games, you know. They were training me. Turning me into a weapon, "for justice", they said. They got their weapon. I got cheated out of my childhood.
Batman: I know what that's like.
Ace: You do, don't you? You don't have to answer. I read your mind. That's how I knew you weren't going to use Ms. Waller's weapon on me.
Batman: [Brings out the device] No, I wasn't.
[Tosses the device away]
Ace: You were gonna try and talk me into fixing what I've changed... before I die.
Batman: Yes.
Ace: I'm dying very soon.
Batman: Yes. I'm sorry.
Ace: [Staring to cry] Would you stay with me? I'm scared.
[Batman sits down next to her, reaching over to gently hold her hand]


"Batman: Come Back, Shame (#2.25)" (1966)
Batman: Shame on you, Shame.
Shame: [slightly taken aback] Watch your tongue.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Journey to the Center of the Bat! (#1.9)" (2009)
The Atom: Dr. Choi. Hello?
Aquaman: Doctor! Aquaman here. What's new, old friend?
The Atom: I was just in the middle of conducting a delicate tachyon detection experiment, "old friend".
Aquaman: Tachyons eh? Splendid! Atta boy!
Batman: Get to the point


"Batman: The Animated Series: Tyger Tyger (#1.30)" (1992)
[last lines]
Batman: [voice-over] Tyger, Tyger, burning bright/In the forests of the night/What immortal hand or eye/Could frame thy fearful symmetry?


"Batman: The Duo Is Slumming (#2.32)" (1966)
Santa: Say, you tell me where the Batcave is, and I'll, I'll leave a little present in your stocking.
Batman: [looks into camera] If you can't trust Santa, whom can you trust?
[looks to Santa]
Batman: We can't tell you here, Mr. Claus, but we'll telephone you at the North Pole on the batphone.
Santa: Good, good, I'll get to the Batcave if I have to slide down the batpole instead of a chimney. Merry Christmas, hohoho!
Batman, Robin: Merry Christmas, Santa!


"Batman: Not Yet, He Ain't (#1.22)" (1966)
Robin: Case closed, Batman?
Batman: Yes, except for one detail.
Robin: What's that?
Batman: The Batmobile. We'll have to have it fumigated.


Batman: Dead End (2003)
Batman: [after kicking Joker] You're pathetic!
The Joker: Oh, that's rich... coming from someone who runs in the dark, wearing a cape... and a mask!
Batman: [grabbing Joker] We both wear masks!
The Joker: Look at my face. This is who I am. My... 'mask' is permanent. You have a choice.
Batman: You made your choice a long time ago, Joker.
The Joker: NO! You did this to me! And you condemned me to that asylum, like some bastard child that you refuse to take responsibility for! That's why you'll never kill me, Bats! You made me... Daddy!
Batman: Criminal scum like you... made me!
[he slams Joker against the wall, JOker laughs insanely]
Batman: You're going back to Arkham!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Eternal Youth (#1.16)" (1992)
Poison Ivy: Of course, I have the patience of a redwood.
Batman: And the convictions of a fanatic!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Bane (#3.1)" (1994)
Bane: You are beaten! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME!
Batman: Never.


"The New Batman Adventures: Girl's Night Out (#2.7)" (1998)
Kara Kent: [answering Clark's phone] Hello, Dullsville Central.
Batman: Is Clark Kent there?
Kara Kent: No, may I ask who's calling?
Batman: A friend. It's critical that he gets this message.
Kara Kent: Shoot.
Batman: Livewire has escaped in Gotham. If he wants to get *on top of the story*, he needs to get there, right away. Do you understand?
Kara Kent: Who is this? Sounds like a cape to me.
[Batman hangs up]


"Justice League: A Better World (#2.11)" (2003)
[while meeting with J'onn J'onzz of the Justice Lords, the Justice League counterparts from another dimension]
Batman: Have you read his mind yet?
J'onn J'onzz: Martians don't do that to one another.
Batman: Can't... or won't?
J'onn J'onzz: Both.


"Batman: Barbecued Batman? (#2.6)" (1966)
Robin: You're letting her go? Well, I admit she's gorgeous, Batman, but what does she have that all the other gorgeous creatures didn't?
Batman: Well, Robin, for one thing, she has a tracking device which I just placed in her handbag.


"Batman: Batman's Waterloo (#2.54)" (1967)
Professor William Omaha McElroy,: Did I do it again?
Batman: You certainly did.
Professor William Omaha McElroy,: Did I hurt anybody?
Batman: Only yourself, professor, only yourself.


"Young Justice: Schooled (#1.5)" (2011)
Batman: Of course, there's no shame in asking for help. That's why the League exists. Because there's some problems even *we* can't handle individually.
Robin: Please, if we needed help, wWe'd never get the chance to ask.
[Pulls out an arrow. Green Arrow takes out one of his arrows and compares the two]
Robin: Look familiar? You were following us. Babysitting! YOU STILL DON'T TRUST US!
Batman: We didn't follow you.
Robin: And that's not your arrow... But that means...
Kid Flash: Speedy!
Aqualad: He has our backs!


"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: The Caped Crusader Caper (#1.15)" (1972)
Professor Flakey: Poker and Jenguin are on their way to Gotham City to steal my invention.
Batman: Sir, that's Joker and Penguin. With their tremendous head start they'll get your invention before we can catch them.
Professor Flakey: Net nocessarily. I told them it was at the Hillside Aircraft Company, but it's not. It's at the Ruther Gobbam factory, I mean the Gotham Rubber factory.


"Batman: The Joker's Hard Times (#2.38)" (1967)
Venus: Can I come along, Batman? I won't mind going to prison if I know I helped put the Joker there too.
Batman: When you put it that way, my dear, we could hardly refuse.


"Batman: The Penguin's a Jinx (#1.4)" (1966)
Dawn Robbins: [the Dynamic Duo enter through the window] Eek! Oh help, there's, there's guys from outer space.
Batman: Don't be alarmed, Miss Robbins, we're NOT law-breakers.
Robin: We're here to protect you, ma'am.


"Justice League: The Savage Time: Part III (#1.26)" (2002)
Superman: [running to him grinning] Batman! It's really you!
[flings his arms around him]
Batman: Am I missing something?


"Batman: Shoot a Crooked Arrow (#2.1)" (1966)
The Archer: Now heed this: I'm gonna rob from the rich and give to the poor.
Batman: How unoriginal!


"Challenge of the Superfriends: The World's Deadliest Game/Battle at the Earth's Core (#1.3)" (1978)
[last lines]
Batman: I've got a riddle for you, Riddler. What has thirteen heads and belongs in a cage, won't learn its lessons and worsens with age?
The Riddler: Um, I give up, Batman.
Robin: It's simple, Riddler. The Legion of Doom.
Superman: And next time, you won't get away.


"Justice League: Starcrossed: Part II (#2.25)" (2004)
[the League is forced to travel in street clothes to avoid detection by the Thangarians]
The Flash: Hold on a second here. What about the whole secret identity thing? I mean, I trust you guys, but I'm not sure I'm ready to...
Batman: [points to Flash] Wally West.
[points to Superman]
Batman: Clark Kent.
[removes his mask]
Batman: Bruce Wayne.
The Flash: Show-off.


"Batman Beyond: Speak No Evil (#3.6)" (2000)
[Fingers grabs James Van Doyle on the ground by the front of his shirt]
Fingers: Where is my mother?
James Van Dyle: I... I-I probably sold her.
Fingers: "Probably"?
James Van Dyle: I don't know. I-I-I don't keep track.
Fingers: She was my mother!
James Van Dyle: [softly] To me, it was just another gorilla.
[Fingers growls, lifts Van Dyle up and holds him high against a tree. Batman recovers from the taser hits]
Batman: No!
[Batman rushes over and tries to pull Fingers' right arm away from the gasping Van Dyle. Fingers growls and bats Batman aside and proceeds to choke Van Dyle]
Batman: [getting up again] That's right, kill him. It's what anybody would do. Any human.
Fingers: [insulted] I am not human.
Batman: Well, you're sure not a gorilla anymore.
[Fingers drops Van Dyle and walks away, past Batman]


"Batman: The Animated Series: Heart of Steel: Part II (#1.40)" (1992)
Batman: [Barbara is hanging onto Batman's cape] I'll contact you when I have more information... please let go of my cape.


"Smosh: Movie Translation Fails" (2015)
Bane: Theater and deception we are. It is a powerful drug for the novice that is not blues. But what we will start? Shadow of League Members!
Batman: What?


"Justice League: Paradise Lost: Part II (#1.9)" (2002)
Batman: The last entry makes references to Tartarus.
Wonder Woman: The Pit of Eternal Souls.
Superman: Isn't it just a myth?


Batman vs. Robin (2015) (V)
Batman: [Damian Wayne arrives entering his room from the window until the light goes on and sees a disappointed Bruce and Dick waiting for him] Where were you?
Robin: What happened to you? Are you ok?
Batman: [stern] You don't get to ask questions! Now where the hell were you?
Robin: Out!
Batman: Where?
Robin: Just out!
Batman: Out has suddenly become a far more dangerous place.
[He sees a sai belonging to Talon and takes it off Damian]
Batman: What's this?
Robin: That's mine!
Batman: I don't think so!
Robin: So what are you gonna do now? Build a dungeon and lock me up in it?
Batman: [even more stern] Despite what you may think, I'm your father Damian. Not your jailer
Robin: [angry] A biological accident doesn't make you my father and as sure as hell doesn't make me your son!
[Dick Grayson is shocked upon hearing those words as he makes an "Uh oh!" expression]
Batman: There's a school in Switzerland run by a retired general who knows far more than I do about boys and discipline.
[He stands to leave but stops]
Batman: Try this again, THAT'S where you'll be spending the next year!
[He leaves]
Nightwing: [as Dick Grayson leaves] You really played me for a fool
Robin: Not hard to do.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Catwalk (#4.3)" (1995)
Batman: We don't have to make this difficult.
Catwoman: But somehow, we always do...


"Batman: Louie's Lethal Lilac Time (#3.18)" (1968)
Batman: Tell me something, Batgirl, how did you get out of that vat?
Batgirl: With my Batgirl vat-opener, after Louie's knock-out spray wore off.


"The Nostalgia Critic: Batman vs. Superman (#9.16)" (2016)
Batman: [to Superman] We barely have a reason to hate each other except we hate the fact that the other one kills. I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Requiem for a Scarlet Speedster! (#2.15)" (2010)
Heat Wave: Flash was creative. He'd have run circles around us, spinning away our oxygen!
Weather Wizard: Ha! All you do is punch and kick like a child throwing a tantrum.
Captain Cold: The old Scarlet Speedster would vibrate his molecules right out of that bronze.
Weather Wizard: With a smile and an "aww shucks" that just made you wanna rip him to shreds, you know?
[They all sigh at the same time]
Batman: You... miss him.
Captain Cold: Who us?
Heat Wave: Miss the Flash?
Weather Wizard: Don't be absurd!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Showdown (#4.2)" (1995)
[Ra's reveals the identity of his captive]
Batman: Duvall.
Robin: It can't be! He'd be over a hundred years old!
Ra's Al Ghul: He was sentenced to fifty years at hard labor. Of course no one expected him to survive that sentence. No one but me.
Batman: The Lazarus Pit.
Ra's Al Ghul: When he was a young man. Though even its powers cannot restore him now. When his sentence was completed, Arkady simply wandered away. The privations he had suffered had left his mind shattered. I had lost track of him until I found him in that rest home.
Batman: You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now?
Ra's Al Ghul: Did you really imagine, Detective, that in my six-hundred years of life, that I had sired only one offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle I realized that Arkady was too mentally unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire.
Batman: But you didn't forget him.
Ra's Al Ghul: What father can ever forget his son? Come Detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords some other time. But for now... let me take my boy home.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Baby-Doll (#3.4)" (1994)
[Batman and Robin are watching reruns of Love That Baby]
Robin: Remember that time when Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines? The ones with the really sharp thorns?
Batman: Yes?
Robin: This is worse.


"Justice League: Metamorphosis: Part II (#1.23)" (2002)
Batman: [into his communicator after Metamorpho tricked him into touching him and doused him with sleeping-gas so he could fight the monster] Lantern. Are you still there?
Metamorpho: He's resting.


"The New Batman Adventures: Judgment Day (#2.9)" (1998)
Batman: I thought I'd better find you before the Judge did.
Two-Face: Don't do me any favors!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Deep Freeze (#3.10)" (1994)
[Walker reveals his plan for "Oceania", a utopia ruled by him while the rest of the world is frozen]
Grant Walker: My world will have no crime, violence, or pain.
Robin: You can add free will to that list, too!
Grant Walker: A small price to pay for order.
Batman: Your order, for your select few!
Grant Walker: Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that.


"Young Justice: Disordered (#1.17)" (2011)
Batman: How are they?
Martian Manhunter: I am still shaken by what you and I have wrought. One can only imagine what these youths fair.
Batman: I know our virtual reality training simulation went badly, but I'd hoped the team would've rallied by now.
Martian Manhunter: Trauma tends to linger, as I know you know, my friend.


"Beware the Batman: Family (#1.7)" (2013)
Batman: Trust is overrated.


Roomies (2006/II)
Batman: Backing out? It wastes precious time! People are in danger!


Tankman Begins (2005) (TV)
The 'Real' Batman: Who'd ya think was Batman, Superman?


"The Batman/Superman Hour: Hizzoner the Joker/Freeze's Frozen Vikings/The Japanese Sandman/-The Great Kryptonite Caper (#1.8)" (1968)
Robin: That's not democracy, it's larceny.
Batman: It's anarchy.


"Batman Beyond: The Curse of the Kobra: Part 1 (#3.10)" (2001)
Batman: [after being tripped during a balance exercise] No fair!
Kairi Tanaga: Fair? The only fair around here is in September. Deal with it!


"Justice League: The Enemy Below: Part II (#1.7)" (2001)
Batman: Your ring. Will it protect me?
Green Lantern: We'll find out.


"The New Batman Adventures: Beware the Creeper (#2.10)" (1998)
Batman: Who are you?
The Creeper: They call me..."Yellow-Skinned Wacky Man!" But I prefer the Creeper.
Robin: Call Arkham, quick.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Harley and Ivy (#1.47)" (1993)
[Batman takes cover in Poison Ivy's hideout, in the middle of a toxic waste dump. Joker opens fire with a tommy gun, laughing maniacally]
Batman: Stop shooting, you lunatic! We're sitting on a powder keg!
[Joker keeps shooting, heedless, until a chemical drum ignites and sets off an enormous explosion, rocking the whole dump and whooshing toward everyone]
The Joker: Whoops... Dopey me.


"Batman Beyond: Ascension (#1.13)" (1999)
Blight: Why do you persist in tormenting me? All I wanted was to be alone.
Batman: Can't let you run around. We have rules against radioactive waste.


"Justice League: Starcrossed (#2.24)" (2004)
Batman: The most mysterious creatures in the universe.
John Stewart: Sorry?
Batman: Women. Don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't know she was spoken for.


Disaster Movie (2008)
Batman: Hi.
Enchanted Princess: Hi!
Batman: I'm Batman.
Enchanted Princess: [deep voice] I'm Enchanted Princess!


"Justice League: Initiation (#3.1)" (2004)
Batman: We sent the Lantern for you because you never gave us an answer.
Green Arrow: Come on, I don't belong up here, fighting monsters and supervillians. I just help the little guy and a big club like this, you tend to forget all about him. So, gee whiz, I'm flattered to be asked and all, but no thanks.
Batman: Suit yourself. Those monsters you don't fight? They tend to step on little guys.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Night of the Huntress! (#1.16)" (2009)
Blue Beetle: Hey, Batman can I ask you something?
Batman: No.
Blue Beetle: It's... about girls.
Batman: No.
Blue Beetle: See, I'm getting ready for college and I'm gonna need to know about these things.
Batman: Listen, Beetle. Women are a tricky, tricky business. You have to decipher nearly incomprehensible code, push the right buttons, get past their firewalls. Only if you can do all that will you find what you're looking for.


"Justice League: The Savage Time (#1.24)" (2002)
Superman: Javelin 7 to Watchtower; come in.
Batman: Watchtower here.
Superman: Prepare the landing bay. We're coming in.
Batman: [grinning] Just when I was starting to enjoy the peace and quiet.
Superman: [amused] Same old Bats.


"Young Justice: Alpha Male (#1.13)" (2011)
Robin: Batman, please. Tell me you're not sending us on this joke of a wild ape chase.
Batman: I never joke... about the mission.


"Batman: The Animated Series: It's Never Too Late (#1.6)" (1992)
Batman: [to Stromwell] All your power and money has bought you an empire of misery.


"Batman: The Ogg and I (#3.8)" (1967)
Batman: Wedding Borscht?
Olga, Queen of the Cossacks: Of course, Batushka.
Batman: But I thought you were engaged to marry Egghead?
Olga, Queen of the Cossacks: I'll marry both of you. Cossack queen is permitted up to six husbands. Oh, but do not worry, Batushka, you will always be number one in my heart.


"Young Justice: Bereft (#1.9)" (2011)
Robin: OK, better question: what am I doing in Bialya - in *September*? What happened to March? Better radio Batman.
Batman: [Flashback] Maintain radio silence at all times.
Robin: Or not.


"Batman Beyond: Spellbound (#1.10)" (1999)
Batman: [confronting Spellbinder outside of Wayne Manor] It's over, Billings. I know who you are.
Spellbinder: I'm glad that makes you feel superior.


Batman: Anarchy (2016)
Batman: Gotham is lost... it just doesn't know it yet.


"Justice League: The Doomsday Sanction (#4.3)" (2005)
Batman: Whatever you think you're doing, if you present a threat to the world, the Justice League will take you down.
Amanda Waller: If we present a threat? You've got a space ship floating over our heads with a laser weapon pointing down! In another dimension, seven of you overthrew the government and assassinated the President! We're the good guys, protecting our country from a very real threat: you!


"Batman: Scat! Darn Catwoman (#2.41)" (1967)
Batman: I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you.
Catwoman: [perks up] Marry me.
Batman: Everything except that. A wife, no matter how beauteous, or affectionate would severely impair my crimefighting.
Catwoman: But I could help you in your work. As a former criminal, I'd be invaluable. I can reform, honestly I can.
Batman: What about Robin?
Catwoman: [pulls a disgusted face] Robin? Oh, I've got it: we'll kill him.
Batman: I see you're not really ready to assume a life in society.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: How Many Herring in a Wheelbarrow?/In Again Out Again Penguin (#1.3)" (1968)
Robin: Holy smokes, Batman!
Batman: Cool it, chum. We're not done for. Yet.
Joker: Not yet, but in a moment you'll be *well*-done!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Joker's Wild (#1.42)" (1992)
[an unconscious Batman awakens to find himself bound and trussed... ]
The Joker: Wakey, wakey! I thought you'd like to be conscious for your own demise. I really put some effort into this one...
[Batman looks around and finds himself on a giant colorful roulette wheel; even more colorful is the massive pile of explosives to which the wheel is connected]
The Joker: When I spin the wheel, you, the casino, and that strutting fool Kaiser will all be blown sky high! Not bad, eh?
Batman: You won't get Kaiser. He's been playing you for a patsy.
The Joker: Eh?
Batman: He's counting on you to blow this place up, so he can collect the insurance. By the time you get clear, Kaiser will be miles away, laughing at you.
The Joker: I hate it when you make sense!
[the Joker disarms the explosives and removes the connections to the wheel]
The Joker: I'll settle my score with Kaiser, man to clown. But that still doesn't let you off the hook!
[He starts up the roulette wheel and tosses a grenade into it]
The Joker: How 'bout that, Bats? Looks like your number's up!


"Batman Beyond: Plague (#2.21)" (2000)
Batman: This isn't the jungle and this isn't False Face!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Riddler's Reform (#3.3)" (1994)
The Riddler: There's no way you could have escaped from that explosion! How did you get out?
Batman: That's my little riddle.
The Riddler: Please, you must tell me! All right, I'll make you a deal. You tell me how you escaped, and I'll tell you where I've hidden all the things I've stolen.
Batman: So you admit it?
The Riddler: Yes. I'll even tell you how I committed those robberies. Deal?
Batman: No.
[holds up one of Riddler's two-way radios]
Batman: Did you get that?
Commissioner James Gordon: We got it.
[Gordon and the police enter]
Commissioner James Gordon: We've got plenty of evidence. You're going away for good this time.
[the police handcuff Riddler and lead him to the door]
Commissioner James Gordon: [re: the radio] My compliments. This is a great little idea.
The Riddler: [stops] Wait a minute! Aren't you gonna tell me how you did it? That's not fair!
[the police drag him out]


"Batman: The Animated Series: Cat Scratch Fever (#1.33)" (1992)
Batman: Viral antitoxins... for a plague that doesn't exist. But if the virus is carried through, say, stray dogs and cats, the plague will blanket Gotham within weeks!
Roland Dagget: Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three-hundred-thousand. Imagine if even only a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well.


"Batman Beyond: Rebirth: Part 2 (#1.2)" (1999)
Mr. Fixx: You're pretty strong, for some clown who thinks he's Batman.
Batman: I AM Batman.


"Justice League: Shadow of the Hawk (#5.2)" (2005)
Hawkgirl: Aliens? Well, then he must be a lunatic because we know there's no life on other planets.
Batman: There's more.
Hawkgirl: What?
Batman: Our Mr. Hall spends quite a bit of time on the Internet.
Hawkgirl: Dang, lock him up!
Batman: He frequents the "I Hate Hawkgirl" boards.
Hawkgirl: That doesn't mean..."boards"? How many are there?
Batman: Fifty-seven. Web rings. Unaffiliated sites number in the hundreds...
Hawkgirl: Forget I asked!


"Batman: A Horse of Another Color (#3.5)" (1967)
Batman: I did a little extra-curricular crime-detecting while Dick Grayson was doing his homework.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Rise of the Blue Beetle! (#1.1)" (2008)
Blue Beetle: The meteor! It's like no time's passed since we left.
Batman: Due to the quantum anomalies of wormholes, none has.
Batman: [Thinking to himself] Of course, that's just a fancy way of saying, "That's weird." But half of the things I encounter on this job make no sense. Take this mission. I wanted to see if this kid had hero potential. Instead, I got to see him become one.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Pretty Poison (#1.9)" (1992)
Poison Ivey: Batman. A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor?
Batman: Harvey Dent.
Poison Ivey: Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. It's so sad.
[feigns crying which turns to maniacal laughter]
Batman: Why, Isley?
Poison Ivey: Oh please. Call me "Poison Ivy". You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime.
Batman: What crime?
Poison Ivey: Why, murder, of course. Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers. The blood of those flowers are on his hands!
[calms down and smooths hair]
Poison Ivey: So his fate was sealed...
[applies lipstick]
Poison Ivey: ... with a kiss. And now so is yours.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: A Game of Cat and Mouse/Beware of Living Dolls (#1.10)" (1968)
Batman: One doesn't expect company to drop in while flying in a helicopter.


"Batman Beyond: Terry's Friend Dates a Robot (#2.13)" (2000)
[Howard is trying to break up with his robotic "girlfriend", Cynthia]
Howard: [finishing] ... we can still be friends.
[Batman groans and puts a hand over his eyes]
Cynthia: Friends...? *FRIENDS?*
[she starts to vibrate and crackle]
Howard: Wrong thing to say?
Batman: Is it ever the *right* thing?


"Young Justice: Auld Acquaintance (#1.26)" (2012)
Aqualad: Something else is wrong.
Robin: The entire League was under Savage's spell for just over a day. We accounted for most of that time, but these six -
[Shows images of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Hawk Woman, John Stewart and Martian Man-hunter]
Robin: ... Went missing for a full 16 hours we *can't* account for.
Batman: Sixteen hours. What did we do?


Batman: The Brave and the Bold - The Videogame (2010) (VG)
Batman: You know, when I was six years old, I dressed as you for Halloween.
Hawkman: Ha! With the wings and everything?
Batman: Plastic ones, from the store. And a mask that was too big for my head.
Hawkman: That's a kick.
Batman: My father helped me make a mace out of cardboard and masking tape. I spent the night stopping imaginary crimes... in between asking for candy.


"Batman: The Londinium Larcenies (#3.11)" (1967)
Robin: Holy show-ups, that Batgirl!
Batman: She does make a colorful reinforcement alright, although I don't want her to think we can't fight our own battles.
Robin: Gosh no, Batman! But what do you suppose she's doing in Londinium? And where do you suppose she went?
Batman: I can't answer the first question, Robin, and I've never been able to answer the second.


"Super Friends: The Watermen (#1.16)" (1973)
Batman: People can't take what they want without regard for the rights of others.


"Justice League: Hereafter: Part II (#2.20)" (2003)
J'onn J'onzz: You were greatly missed, my friend. By all of us.
[everyone looks to a stoic Batman]
Wonder Woman: Don't let him fool you. Your death hit him as hard as it did any of us.
Superman: Really?
Batman: No. I never believed you were dead in the first place.
Superman: I guess that's sort of a compliment.


"Justice League: Divided We Fall (#4.12)" (2005)
Batman: Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Green Arrow: "Who guards the guardians?" We've got it covered.


"Legends of the Superheroes: The Challenge (#1.1)" (1979)
Batman: Fellow Superheroes or, in deference to the ladies, Super Persons, we are gathered here tonight to pay tribute to one of our former colleagues, and perhaps the greatest Superhero of all. When many of us were, ahem, still in short leotards, this man was saving the world virtually single handedly. Lets have a warm, Super welcome for: Retired Man.


"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Day of the Dark Knight! (#1.5)" (2009)
Batman: We've just been teleported.
Green Arrow: [sarcastically] Ladies and gentlemen, the world's greatest detective.


Batman: Strange Days (2014) (TV)
[last lines]
Woman: Is it... Is it over?
Batman: For now.


"Challenge of the Superfriends: The Final Challenge/The Incredible Space Circus (#1.12)" (1978)
Batman: Great Gotham!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Prophecy of Doom (#1.22)" (1992)
Alfred Pennyworth: But how did the glass break, Sir?
Batman: [Mystically] Psychic vibrations, Alfred... though I'd bet on a high-frequency sonic device.


"The New Batman Adventures: Mean Seasons (#1.9)" (1998)
[after Calendar Girl is caught, a police officer pulls off her mask]
Calendar Girl: NO! DON'T LOOK AT ME!
[She writhes around, trying to hide her face. Batman and Batgirl are watching from above]
Batgirl: But... she's beautiful.
Batman: She can't see that now. All she can see are the flaws.


"Batman Beyond: Big Time (#3.4)" (2000)
Big Time: [Breaks down the door to the office] Richie!
Richard Armacost: Charlie?
Batman: The growth hormone...
Big Time: [Cerros lunges at him and Big Time sends him flying into a window with a punch, then slams Batman and the desk up into the ceiling] This is your fault, Richie. Look what you did to me!
Richard Armacost: Now Charlie... none of us wanted this to happen to you.
[Grabs him by the neck and holds him over the edge of the balcony]
Richard Armacost: No! Charlie! Don't!
Big Time: I protected you, Richie, and you said you'd take care of me. Instead, you told that ant in there that he could walk all over me!
Richard Armacost: Charlie... please!
Big Time: Take a look down there, Richie, see how tiny all the people look? That's what you are to me now. You belong with them.
[Batman frees himself from the ceiling and fires a cable around his legs, making him drop Richard and leaving him hanging from the railing]


"Batman: The Puzzles Are Coming (#2.31)" (1966)
Batman: I offer the opportunity to "cross swords", as it were, with the Puzzler.


"Batman: The Spell of Tut (#2.7)" (1966)
The Green Hornet: [the Green Hornet and Kato stick their heads out a window while Batman and Robin are climbing the wall outside] What are you doing here?
Batman: I might ask you the same question.
The Green Hornet: Pursuing the enemies of law and order, wherever they happen to be.
Batman: Aren't you in the wrong city?
The Green Hornet: On special assignment for "The Daily Sentinel." You know my aide, Kato.
Batman: Robin, the Boy Wonder.
The Green Hornet: Well, I don't want to hold you up from your crimefighting.
Batman: Thank you. And good luck to you, Mister Hornet.
Kato: Nice to have met you.
[Kato and the Green Hornet go back in, and shut the window]
Robin: Gosh, Batman, what are they dressed like *that* for?
Batman: [shrugs] Hmmph?


"Justice League: Flash and Substance (#5.5)" (2006)
[the Flash is dropping hopeful hints about the Flash Museum's opening ceremony in Central City]
The Flash: It'd be great if one of the original seven was there. I mean, I understand if everybody's too busy to come, no biggie. My mom's gonna be there... let's see, my uncle's flying in... I know, it's the "Flash" museum, but to me the whole League deserves the honor. Like I said, no biggie.
[Silence. Flash droops and lets out a sigh]
Batman: [resignedly] What time?
The Flash: Six o'clock... No! You're really coming? Awesome! You're a stand-up guy, Bats! Don't ever let anyone call you a crazed loner.


"Batman: A Death Worse Than Fate (#1.10)" (1966)
Zelda: Some other lifetime, Batman...
Batman: Perhaps. Some other lifetime.


"Batman: The Foggiest Notion (#3.12)" (1967)
Batman: If that ship gets any closer to that bridge, Robin's done for. Quickly, Alfred, the Anti-Mechanical-Bat-Ray in the Bat-Glove Compartment.


"Batman: The Animated Series: Harley's Holiday (#3.6)" (1994)
Harley Quinn: I got one question. I've been nothing but trouble. How come you've been so nice to me?
Batman: I know what it's like to try to rebuild a life.
[He holds up a bag, and gives her the dress she wanted to buy, before getting in so much trouble]
Batman: I had a bad day too, once.
[Ecstatically, she takes the dress, then stands on tiptoe to kiss his cheek]
Harley Quinn: Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days.


"Justice League: Maid of Honor (#2.7)" (2003)
Batman: Who are you working for?
Kasnian Agent: [in Kasnian] You can't understand a word I'm saying and I wouldn't tell you anything if you could.
Batman: [in Kasnian] I can... and you will.


"Young Justice: Failsafe (#1.16)" (2011)
Batman: As bad as all that?
Martian Manhunter: Perhaps worse.
Red Tornado: Yet this is not what troubles you.
Martian Manhunter: Make no mistake. My niece is untrained and cannot be held responsible for this - for *our* debacle.
Batman: No one blames her. But clearly we underestimated her abilities.
Martian Manhunter: You understate it. In terms of raw power, she has the strongest telepathic mind I have ever encountered. Stronger by far than mine.


"Batman: Fine Finny Fiends (#1.33)" (1966)
Batman: [about to cross the street] Remember, Robin: always look both ways.


"Justice League: Dark Heart (#3.10)" (2004)
Batman: [while falling through the air after having to abandon his plane] I could use a little air support seeing as I can't fly... at all.
[continues to fall]
Batman: Now would be a good time.


"Super Friends: The Planet Splitter (#1.15)" (1973)
Wendy: They're having an exhibit of the most precious stones of the world.
Batman: It's my hunch that at this moment they have fewer precious stones than they had before the Troubalert was activated.


"Justice League: The Brave and the Bold: Part II (#1.13)" (2002)
[Wonder Woman is trying to push away a nuclear missile headed for Gorilla City]
Wonder Woman: Hera, give me strength!
[Pushing, she keeps the missile from impacting the city, and instead it skids along the ground, digging a deep trench and crushing her underneath as it skids to a stop]
Batman: DIANA!
[Batman drops into the trench and starts digging rubble away furiously. J'onn and Hawkgirl watch from above, knowing it's hopeless. J'onn puts a hand on Batman's shoulder; he stops digging, looking downcast. Then the missile lifts out of the ground, and Diana comes up, holding its guidance system]
Wonder Woman: The Fates were kind today. Your city is safe.
[the gorillas cheer. Diana looks at Batman, then notices his gloves, caked with dirt up to the elbow. He hides them beneath his cape. She leans over and kisses his cheek]


"The New Batman Adventures: Cold Comfort (#1.3)" (1997)
Ice Maiden #2: Hey, Freeze, look who dropped in!
[Mr. Freeze reveals himself. Showing his head walking on robotic spider-like legs]
Batgirl: Oh, my God.
Mr. Freeze: Ah, I was hoping to see you again.
Batman: What happened?
Mr. Freeze: The accident that created me finally took its toll. By the time these doctors stopped my deterioration, all that was left undamaged was this.
Batgirl: That's what you meant when you said it was too late for you.
Mr. Freeze: Ironic, isn't it? After all I did to keep my wife whole, I end up like this. You understand now why I could not return to my Nora, my treasure. There's no hope for me, or you or your city. Everyone's going to feel my loss.


"The New Batman Adventures: Growing Pains (#1.8)" (1998)
Batman: [places hand on Robin's shoulder] Sometimes there are no happy endings.
Cop: [regarding Clayface] We'll book him on the robberies and B and E, right? Anything else?
Robin: Yeah, murder.


"Challenge of the Superfriends: The Time Trap/Sinbad and the Space Pirates (#1.4)" (1978)
Batman: [to Robin] Use your Bat-lube!


World's Finest (2004)
Clark Kent: You're going to break in the White House?
Batman: It's just another building, Clark. A few more guards, a few more locks.


Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)
Jason Todd: [Takes off his mask in front of Batman] What's the matter? Lost for words? I expected more... I'm hurt.
Batman: [In disbelief] Joker sent me the film... I saw him kill you.
Jason Todd: Don't you dare lie to me! How long did you wait before replacing me, huh? A month? A week? I trusted you! And you just left me to die!
Batman: That's NOT what happened!
Jason Todd: You always told me, Bruce. Focus on what I want to achieve. And it'll happen. Well you wanna know what I want now, huh? I want. You. DEAD.


DC Universe Online (2011) (VG)
Batman: I've been watching you. Keep up the good work.


"Batman: The Penguin Goes Straight (#1.21)" (1966)
Batman: [reading from a card] The Penguin Protective Agency, incorporated.
Robin: Holy leopard. What a change of spots.


"Batman: The Animated Series: P.O.V. (#1.13)" (1992)
Officer Renée Montoya: I thought that you were...
Batman: Not while there's unfinished business.


Suicide Squad (2016)
Batman: It's over, Deadshot. I don't want to do this in front of your daughter.


"Batman: Surf's Up! Joker's Under! (#3.10)" (1967)
Barbara Gordon: Are you all right, Skip?
Skip Parker: I will be, as soon as they hook me and the Joker up to that reverseramator. And reverse it!
Robin: Cowabunga!
Batman: Begorrah!


"Batman: The Animated Series: Trial (#2.9)" (1994)
[last lines]
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: I see now there's a need for what you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman.
Batman: Me too.


"The Batman/Superman Hour: The Jigsaw Jeopardy/Wrath of the Riddler (#1.16)" (1968)
Batman: How do you test the strength of a Batrope?
Robin: With a few jerks!


"The New Batman Adventures: The Ultimate Thrill (#2.1)" (1998)
Roxy Rocket: You missed your calling, Batman. You should have been in the movies.
Batman: Give it up, Roxy.
Roxy Rocket: I'm afraid that's not in my nature.
Batman: Mine neither.
Roxy Rocket: That's what makes us such a perfect couple.


"Justice League: Tabula Rasa (#2.3)" (2003)
Mercy Graves: He's the most deeply twisted man I've ever met. Of course I'll help you.
Superman: Good, if he contacts you, let us know.
Mercy Graves: You have my word.
Batman: He hasn't already contacted you, has he?
Mercy Graves: Don't you think I would had told you?
Batman: The two of you were very... "close".
Mercy Graves: I'm a different person now.
Batman: ...Right.
[Superman and Batman leave]
Superman: She was a little too cooperative, wasn't she?
Batman: You're learning.


"Young Justice: Endgame (#2.20)" (2013)
Batman: Having broken the Light in half, and stopping the alien invasion, the Team will now operate out of the WatchTower, side-by-side with the Justice League. Not because Mount Justice was destroyed, but because you earned it.


"Justice League: Secret Society (#2.17)" (2003)
[the Society confronts Batman, alone]
Clayface: You didn't think I'd come here without reinforcements, did you?
Batman: Wish I'd thought of that.
[the door falls open behind him]
Batman: Oh, wait - I did.


"Batman: Ice Spy (#2.59)" (1967)
Chief O'Hara: Commissioner Gordon is on the other phone with Batman, Mr. Wayne. Perhaps, if we put the two phones together, you could talk to him yourself?
Bruce Wayne: Alright, Chief, I don't have much time...
[O'Hara moves over to the other desk and puts the horn of his regular phone up against the Batphone]
Bruce Wayne: Batman?
Batman: [talking back and forth into his regular phone and the Batphone ] Yes, Mr. Wayne. Have you heard Mr. Freeze's scurrilous demands?
Bruce Wayne: Just briefly.
Batman: If Robin and I act as go-betweens are you prepaired to make the telecast at midnight and pay the ransom, Mr. Wayne?
Bruce Wayne: I... have no choice, Batman.
Batman: Then may I suggest you tape the broadcast from the Commissioners office an hour earlier. And we will have a dummy package of money.
Bruce Wayne: A dummy package of money? That sounds risky.
Batman: Risk is our business, Mr. Wayne!
Bruce Wayne: Of course, Batman, I have the same faith in you that all of Gotham City has.
Batman: I hope Robin and I are deserving of that faith. I'll make the necessary arrangement and meet you at the Commissioners office at eleven.
Bruce Wayne: Fine.
Batman: Did you get all that, Commissioner?
[O'Hara hangs up the line with Bruce Wayne without another word]
Commissioner Gordon: Indeed I did, Batman. We'll set up the tape telecast and have the dummy package of money waiting. See you at eleven tonight.
[hangs up the Batphone]
Commissioner Gordon: Two fine men. So dissimilar in many respects and yet... yet so similar in others.


"CollegeHumor Originals: Batman Blows His Cover (#1.347)" (2012)
Rachel: Wait! You could die. At least tell me your name.
Batman: It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.
Rachel: Bruce?
Batman: No.
Rachel: Oh my God. You totally are. Bruce.
Batman: What? No way!
Rachel: Okay, well that whole what I do that defines me thing? I said that to Bruce three days ago and told no one else so... that would mean you're Bruce.
Batman: You're being crazy. How could I be Bruce Wayne?
Rachel: See? I didn't even say Wayne. I just said Bruce.
Batman: Oh, I saw Bruce Wayne at the bank and he told me about your conversation.


"The New Batman Adventures: Holiday Knights (#1.1)" (1997)
Commissioner James Gordon: Close one this time.
Batman: They're all close ones.
Commissioner James Gordon: [giving a toast] Well, here's to survival. Hopefully, we'll be doing this again next New Year's Eve.


"Batman: Batman Makes the Scenes (#1.34)" (1966)
Finella: Batman!
The Penguin: But it can't be. We gassed you at the party.
Batman: We prepared ourselves beforehand with anti-Penguin-gas pills.


"Batman: Marsha, Queen of Diamonds (#2.23)" (1966)
Marsha: You mean you're not in love with me?
Batman: I'm not even mildly interested.