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[Aragorn and Gimli are looking at the Uruk-hai, but are separated from them by a gap
: Oh come on, we can take 'em. Aragorn
: It's a long way. Gimli
: Toss me. Aragorn
: What? Gimli
: I cannot jump the distance, you'll have to toss me. Gimli
: [pauses, looks up at Aragorn
: Don't tell the Elf. Aragorn
: Not a word.
[a wall of soldiers line the ramparts - the top of Gimli's helm barely peeks over the top
: [to Legolas
] You could have picked a better spot.
: [Orcs begin their attack on Helm's Deep
] Send them to me!
: Gandalf? Yes... that was what they used to call me. Gandalf the Gray. That was my name. Gimli
: Gandalf... Gandalf
: *I* am Gandalf the White. And I come back to you now - at the turn of the tide.
: What business does an Elf, Man, and a Dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly. Gimli
: Give me your name, horse-master, and I shall give you mine. Eomer
] I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground. Legolas
: [draws his bow and aims at arrow at Eomer's throat
] You would die before your stroke fell.
: [looking at defenders of Helm's Deep
] Farmers, ferriers, stable boys. These are no soldiers. Gimli
: Most have seen too many winters. Legolas
: Or too few.
: My lady... Eowyn
: Lord Aragorn... where is he? Gimli
: He fell.
: It's true you don't see many Dwarf-women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for Dwarf-men. Aragorn
: [whispering to Eowyn
] It's the beards. Gimli
: And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no Dwarf-women, and that Dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground!
: Which is, of course, ridiculous.
: [to a Warg
] Bring your pretty face to my axe.
: Whatever luck you live by... let's hope it lasts the night. Legolas
: Your friends are with you, Aragorn. Gimli
: Let's hope they last the night...
: [upon seeing the atmosphere in Edoras
] You'll find more cheer in a graveyard.
: [out of breath
] I'm wasted on cross-country! We Dwarves are natural sprinters, very dangerous over short distances.
: [failing to see over the wall
] What's happening out there? Legolas
: Shall I describe it to you? Gimli
] Hmm? Legolas
: Or would you like me to find you a box?
[during the Battle of Helm's Deep, Gimli has killed an Uruk-Hai warrior
: Legolas! Two already! Legolas
: I'm on seventeen! Gimli
: Huh? I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me!
[kills another one
: [shoots two more arrows
[sounds of trees 'speaking' is heard
: Gimli, lower your axe. Legolas
: They have feelings, my friend. The elves began it, waking up the trees, teaching them to speak. Gimli
: Talking trees. What do trees have to talk about, hmm... except the consistency of squirrel droppings?
[after falling off from the horse
: That was deliberate, it was deliberate.
: [of Orcs
] Their pace has quickened. They must have caught our scent. Hurry! Legolas
: Come on, Gimli! Gimli
: Three days and nights pursuit. No food, no rest. No sign of our quarry, but what bare rock can tell!
[from extended version
: Final count, forty-two. Gimli
: Forty-two? Oh, that's not bad for a pointy-eared elvish princeling. Hmph! I myself am sitting pretty on forty-THREE. Legolas
: [takes out an arrow, and shoots the Uruk Gimli is sitting on in the stomach
] Forty-three. Gimli
: He was already dead! Legolas
: He was twitching. Gimli
: He was *twitching* because he's got my axe EMBEDDED IN HIS NERVOUS SYSTEM!
[rattles the handle of his ax; the Uruk's arms and legs twitch
[after Legolas has shot and killed a Warg heading toward Gimli
: But that one counts as mine!
: [exhausted from running
] Keep breathing. That's the key. Breathe.
[scene from extended version
: This new Gandalf is more grumpy than the old one.
: What business does an Elf, a Man, and a Dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly! Gimli
: Give me your name, Horse-master, and I shall give you mine. Eomer
: [gets off horse
] I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground. Legolas
: [prepares bow and arrow
] You would die before your stroke fell.
[Rohirrim point spears at Legolas
: [signals for Legolas to bring down his weapon
] I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Gloin, and Legolas of the Woodland Realm. We are friends of Rohan, and of Theoden, your King. Eomer
: Theoden no longer recognizes friend from foe. Not even his own kin.
[takes off helmet
: Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company are those loyal to Rohan, and for that we are banished. The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there they say, as an old man hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip past our nets. Aragorn
: We are no spies. We track a party of Uruk-Hai, Westward across the plain. They have taken two of our friends captive. Eomer
: The Uruks are destroyed. We slaughtered them during the night Gimli
: But there were two Hobbits! Did you see two Hobbits with 'em? Aragorn
: They would be small. Only children to your eyes. Eomer
: We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burned them. Gimli
: Dead? Eomer
: I am sorry.
: Hasufel! Arod! May these horses bear you to better fortune than their former masters. Farewell.
[puts on helmet, gets on horse
: Look for your friends. But do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands.
: Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Let justice be done upon him! The Mouth of Sauron
: My master, Sauron the Great, bids thee welcome. Is there any in this rout with authority to treat with me? Gandalf
: We do not come to treat with Sauron, faithless and accursed. Tell your master this: the armies of Mordor must disband. He is to depart these lands, never to return. The Mouth of Sauron
: Ahh, old Greybeard. I have a token I was bidden to show thee.
[Pulls out Frodo's mithril vest and throws it at them
] Frodo... Gandalf
: Silence. Merry
: No! Gandalf
: Silence! The Mouth of Sauron
: The halfling was dear to thee, I see. Know that he suffered greatly at the hands of his host. Who would've thought one so small could endure so much pain? And he did, Gandalf, he did.
[pause; Aragorn rides towards the Mouth of Sauron
] The Mouth of Sauron
: And who is this? Isildur's heir? It takes more to make a King that a broken Elvish blade...
[Aragorn cuts off the Mouth of Sauron's head with one stroke of Anduril
: I guess that concludes negotiations. Aragorn
: [to Gandalf
] I do not believe it! I will not!
: He's suffered a defeat, yes, but... behind the walls of Mordor, our enemy is regrouping. Gimli
: Let him stay there. *Let him rot!* Why should we care? Gandalf
: Because ten-thousand Orcs now stand between Frodo and Mount Doom. I've sent him to his death. Aragorn
: No. There is still hope for Frodo. He needs time... and safe passage across the plains of Gorgoroth. We can give him that. Gimli
: How? Aragorn
: Draw out Sauron's armies. Empty his lands. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate. Eomer
: We cannot achieve victory through strength of arms. Aragorn
: Not for ourselves. But we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves. Legolas
: A diversion. Gimli
: Certainty of death, *small* chance of success... What are we waiting for? Gandalf
: Sauron will suspect a trap. He will not take the bait. Aragorn
] No, I think he will.
[in a drinking game
: It's the Dwarves that go swimming with little, hairy woman.
: I feel something. A slight tingle in my fingers. I think it's affecting me. Gimli
: What did I say? He can't hold his liquor.
[Gimli passes out
: [to Eomer who is watching
] Game over.
: They had no honor in life. They have none now in death.
: [to the corsair ships
] You may go no further! You will not enter Gondor. Captain
: Who are you to deny us passage? Aragorn
: Legolas, fire a warning shot past the bosun's ear. Gimli
: Mind your aim!
[Legolas aims; Gimli knocks the bow as he shoots and the arrow kills the bosun
: Oh! That's it, right! We warned you! Prepare to be boarded!
[the corsairs laugh
: Boarded! By you and whose army? Aragorn
: *This* army.
[the army of the dead charges through him and onto the ships
[after Legolas single-handedly takes out an Oliphant and its drivers
: That still only counts as one.
: Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf. Legolas
: What about side by side with a friend? Gimli
: Aye. I could do that.
: Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?
: Well, this is a thing unheard of. An Elf would go underground, where a Dwarf dare not. Oh, I'd never hear the end of it.
: I feel like I'm back at the Green Dragon. Merry
: [through a mouthful of food
] Mm. Green Dragon. Pippin
: A mug of ale in my hand, putting my feet up on a settle after a hard day's work. Merry
: Only, you've never done a hard day's work.
[They laugh; Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli ride up. Merry stands and gives an exaggerated bow
: Welcome, my lords, to Isengard! Gimli
: You young rascals! A merry hunt you've led us on, and now we find you... feasting and... and *smoking.* Pippin
: We are sitting on a field of victory enjoying a few well-earned comforts.
[Merry blows a smoke ring
: The salted pork is particularly good. Gimli
] Salted pork? Gandalf
] Hobbits. Merry
: We're under orders from Treebeard, who has taken over management of Isengard. Treebeard
: [as they walk toward the tower
] Hroom, young Master Gandalf! I'm relieved that you've come. Wood and water, stock and stone I can master, but there's a wizard to manage here. Locked his tower.
: There's plenty for the both of us, may the best Dwarf win.
[Aragorn readies to take the Paths of the Dead. He leads his horse towards the entrance and passes by Gimli, who stops him
: Where do you think you're going? Aragorn
: Not this time, Gimli. This time you must stay.
[Legolas walks up to them, leading his horse
: Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of Dwarves? Gimli
: You may as well accept it. We're going with you, laddy.
[Aragorn is looking toward the paths of the dead, when Gimli interrupts
: Aragorn, let's find some food.
: That road there... where does that lead? Legolas
: It is the road to the Dimholt, the door under the mountain. Eomer
: None who venture there ever return. That mountain is evil.
: What kind of army would linger in such a place? Legolas
: One that is cursed. Long ago the men of the mountain swore an oath to the last king of Gondor, to come to his aid, to fight. But when the time came, when Gondor's need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of the mountain. And so Isildur cursed them, never to rest until they had fulfilled their pledge. Who shall call them from the gray twilight, the forgotten people?
King of the Dead
: Release us. Gimli
: Bad idea. Very handy in a tight spot, these lads, despite the fact they're dead.
: Your treachary has already cost many lives. Thousands more are now at risk, but you could save them Saruman. You were deep in the enemy's council. Saruman
: So you have come here for information. I have some for you.
[he reveals his palantir
: Something festers in the heart of Middle-Earth. Something that you have failed to see. But the Great Eye has seen it. Even now he presses his advantage. His attack will come soon. You're all going to die. But you know this don't you, Gandalf?
: You cannot think that this Ranger will ever sit upon the throne of Gondor. This exile, crept from the shadows, will never be crowned king. Gandalf does not hesistate to sacrifice those closest to him, those he professes to love. Tell me... what words of confort did you give the halfling before you sent him to his doom? The path that you have set him on can only lead to death. Gimli
: I've heard enough."
: "Shoot him. Stick an arrow in his gob.
[Legolas goes to do so
: No. Come down Saruman, and your life will be spared. Saruman
: Save your pity and your mercy; I have no use for it!
[he fires at Gandalf, who emerges unscathed from the flames
: Saruman, your staff is broken.
: [to Frodo
] If by my life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword... Legolas
: And you have my bow. Gimli
: And *my* axe. Boromir
: You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done.
[Aragorn tosses Sam over a gap, and then sets his eyes on Gimli
: Nobody tosses a Dwarf.
[Gimli leaps, but is balancing off the edge, so Legolas grabs his beard
: Not the beard!
: Not the beard!
: Hurry! Frodo and Sam have reached the eastern shore.
[Aragorn does not move
: You mean not to follow them. Aragorn
: Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands. Gimli
: Then it has all been in vain. The fellowship has failed. Aragorn
: Not if we hold true to each other.
: We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some Orc. Gimli
: [upon entering Moria
] Soon Master Elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the Dwarves. Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone.
[the Fellowship is walking through Lothlorien
: They say that a great sorceress lives in these woods. An Elf witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell... and are never seen again.
: Well, here's one Dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox.
[Elves suddenly appear, covering them with arrows at point-blank range
: The Dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark.
[Goblins breaking the doors
: Let them come. There is one Dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath.
: You are full of surprises, Master Baggins.
: If anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I note they're not, I'd say we were taking the long way around.
: Dwarf doors are invisible when closed. Gandalf
: Yes, Gimli, their own masters cannot find them, if their secrets are forgotten. Legolas
: Why doesn't that surprise me?
: [upon leaving Lorien and Galadriel
] I have been dealt a wound beyond all healing, for I have looked the last... upon that which was fairest.
: Henceforth I will call nothing fair unless it be her gift to me. Legolas
: What was it? Gimli
: I asked for one hair from her golden head... she gave me three.
: Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction; none can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the ring, Frodo. Boromir
: [Frodo puts the ring on a stand for all to see
] So it is true. In a dream, I saw the Eastern sky grow dark. But in the West, a pale light lingered. A voice was crying, "The doom is near at hand, Isildur's Bane is found."
[reaches for the Ring
: Isildur's Bane... Aragorn
: Boromir! Gandalf
: [speaking the words engraved on the Ring
] Ash Nazg Durbatuluk, Ash Nazg Gimbatul, Ash Nazg Thrakatuluk, Agh Burzum-ishi Krimpatul.
[the light darkens and the air rumbles; Boromir backs away from the Ring
: Never before has anyone dared utter words of that tongue here, in Imladris. Gandalf
: I do not ask for pardon, Master Elrond, for the Black Speech of Mordor may yet be heard in every corner of the West! The Ring is altogether evil. Boromir
: is a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not use this ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe. Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him. Aragorn
: You cannot wield it. None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master. Boromir
: And what would a Ranger know of this matter? Legolas
: This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance. Boromir
: Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir? Legolas
: And heir to the throne of Gondor Aragorn
] Sit down, Legolas. Boromir
: Gondor has no King. Gondor needs no King. Gandalf
: Aragorn is right. We cannot use it. Elrond
: You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed. Gimli
: Then what are we waiting for?
[He strikes the ring with his axe; the axe breaks, leaving the ring intact
: The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. The ring must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this. Boromir
: One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. The great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten-thousand men could you do this. It is folly. Legolas
: Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The ring must be destroyed! Gimli
: And I suppose you think you're the one to do it? Boromir
: And if we fail, what then? What happens when Sauron takes back what is his? Gimli
: I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an Elf! Never trust an Elf!
: Speak words we can all understand! Haldir
: We have not had dealings with the dwarves since the dark days. Gimli
: And you know what this dwarf says to that? Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul!
[I spit upon your grave!
: That was not so corteous.
: [about a mumakil
] I don't have an axe big enough for this one.
: The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. The way is shut. Gimli
: Malice lies heavy in the air.
: A foul creature of the south! Gimli
: This is more welcome than this Dwarf deserves.
The Mouth of Sauron
: But I have a token I was bidden to show thee. Gimli
: Frodo's Mithril vest! Poor hobbit must be dead! Aragorn
: I shall give you a message for your Master!
[a bear appears before Gimli
: Oi! It's a bear! Gimli
: [the bear changes to a form of man
] 'Tis a man-bear! Beorning
: You needn't fear me, Dwarf. I smelled Orcs about, and changed for a hunt. Gimli
: We could use your help. Join us, and we'll give them a fight worthy of a tale!