Emperor Palpatine
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Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)
[Vader brings Luke before the Emperor and hands him Luke's weapon]
Darth Vader: His light saber.
The Emperor: [to Luke] Ah, yes. A Jedi's weapon, much like your father's. By now you must know that your father can never be turned from the Dark Side. So will it be with you.

The Emperor: [In the throne room, Luke is watching the Imperial fleet attack the Rebels from the huge throne room window] As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!
[the Emperor hits the comlink switch on his throne]
The Emperor: Fire at will, Commander!
Moff Jerjerrod: [In the Death Star's firing room, a group of hooded Imperial gunners starts priming the Death Star's superlaser - a device so advanced it can be trained on capital ships, such as the Rebel aircraft carriers. A series of tones signify that the weapon is ready] Fire!
[a second gunner hits a switch, and a huge laser beam roars down a firing shaft. The outer surface of the Death Star shows a huge laser dish start to develop, and then a titanic laser beam moves out from the Death Star's superlaser. It hits the Rebel Calamari Cruiser 'Liberty' and vaporizes the huge carrier in less than a second]

Darth Vader: A small rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Endor.
The Emperor: Yes, I know.
Darth Vader: My son is with them.
The Emperor: Are you sure?
Darth Vader: I have *felt* him, my master.
The Emperor: Strange that I have not. I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Vader.
Darth Vader: They are clear, my master.

The Emperor: And now, young Skywalker... you will die.

[Aboard the Death Star, The Emperor's shuttle is greeted by hundreds of Imperial troops and officers. As the last of six red-robed Royal Guards exit the shuttle, both Darth Vader and Moff Jerjerrod kneel in reverence at the foot of the boarding ramp as the Emperor himself emerges]
Darth Vader: Rise, my friend.
The Emperor: The Death Star will be completed on schedule.
Darth Vader: You've done well, Lord Vader. And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker.
The Emperor: Yes, my Master.
Darth Vader: Patience, my friend. In time, he will seek *you* out, and when he does, you must bring him before me. He has grown strong. Only together can we turn him to the Dark Side of the Force.
The Emperor: As you wish.
The Emperor: Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Darth Vader: He will come to me?
The Emperor: I have foreseen it. His compassion for you will be his undoing. He will come to you and then you will bring him before me.
Darth Vader: As you wish.

The Emperor: [to Luke] The Alliance... will die. As will your friends. Good, I can feel your anger. I am defenceless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!

The Emperor: Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends, up there on the sanctuary moon, are walking into a trap, as is your Rebel fleet. It was *I* who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.

Luke: Never. I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You've failed, your highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
The Emperor: [angry] So be it... Jedi!

Darth Vader: What is thy bidding, my master?
The Emperor: Send the fleet to the far side of Endor. There it will stay until called for.
Darth Vader: What of the reports of the rebel fleet massing near Sullust?
The Emperor: It is of no concern. Soon the Rebellion will be crushed and young Skywalker will be one of us. Your work here is finished, my friend. Go out to the command ship and await my orders.
Darth Vader: Yes, my master.

The Emperor: I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call *me* master.
Luke: You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father.
The Emperor: Oh no, my young Jedi. You will find that it is you who are mistaken, about a great many things.

The Emperor: Come, boy, see for yourself. From here, you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant rebellion.
[Luke's eyes go to his lightsabre]
The Emperor: You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.
Luke: No.
The Emperor: It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your father, are now *mine*.

The Emperor: [to Luke] Good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you!

The Emperor: If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed!
[shoots Luke with Force lightning]
The Emperor: Young fool... Only now, at the end, do you understand...
[the Emperor shoots at Luke with more Force lighting]
The Emperor: Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side.
[shoots Luke with another burst of Force lighting]
The Emperor: Now, you will pay the price for your lack of vision!
[shoots more Force lighting]

Luke: Soon I'll be dead, and you with me.
The Emperor: [laughing] Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your rebel fleet? Yes, I assure you, we are quite safe from your friends here.
Luke: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
The Emperor: Your faith in your friends is yours!


Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Supreme Chancellor: I hope you trust me, Anakin.
Anakin Skywalker: Of course.
Supreme Chancellor: I need your help, son. I want you to be the eyes, ears, and voice of the Republic. Anakin, I'm appointing you to be my personal representative on the Jedi Council.
Anakin Skywalker: Me? A Master? I'm overwhelmed, sir. But the Council elects its own members. They will never accept this.
Supreme Chancellor: I think they will. They need you, more than you know.

Supreme Chancellor: [about the Jedi Council] They don't trust you Anakin.

Supreme Chancellor: I know what's been troubling you. Listen to me. Don't continue to a be a pawn of the Jedi Council! Ever since I've known you, you have been seeking a life of great significance, far more than any Jedi.
[turns his back on Anakin]
Supreme Chancellor: Are you going to kill me?
Anakin Skywalker: I would certainly like to!
Supreme Chancellor: I know you would. I can feel your anger. It give you focus... makes you stronger.

Anakin Skywalker: I'm going to turn you over to the Jedi.
Supreme Chancellor: Of course you should. But you can't be sure of their intentions.
Anakin Skywalker: I will learn the truth of all this quickly.
Supreme Chancellor: You have much wisdom, Anakin. But if I were to die, all the knowledge you seek about the true nature of the Force will be lost with me. Learn the power of the Dark Side, Anakin. The power to save Padmé.

Supreme Chancellor: Be careful of the Jedi, Anakin. Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any Jedi. Learn to use the Dark Side of the Force and you will be able to save your wife from certain death.
Anakin Skywalker: What did you say? How do you know that...?
Supreme Chancellor: Use my knowledge, I beg you.
Anakin Skywalker: [igniting his lightsaber] You're the Sith Lord!

Mace Windu: The oppression of the Sith will never return! You, my lord, have lost!
Supreme Chancellor: [speaking as Darth Sidious] No... no... no! YOU WILL DIE!

Supreme Chancellor: [Anakin cuts off Dooku's hands ending the battle. Anakin catches Dooku's lightsabre and ignites it and puts both lightsabres to his neck] Good, Anakin, good. Kill him.
[Dooku looks at Palpatine in shock]
Supreme Chancellor: Kill him now.
Anakin Skywalker: I shouldn't...
Supreme Chancellor: Do it!
Anakin Skywalker: [Anakin decapitates Dooku] I couldn't stop myself.
Supreme Chancellor: You did well, Anakin. He was too dangerous to be kept alive.
Anakin Skywalker: Yes, but he was an unarmed prisoner.
[frees Chancellor Palpatine]
Anakin Skywalker: I shouldn't have done that. It's not the Jedi way.
Supreme Chancellor: [stands up, rubbing his wrists] It is only natural. He cut off your arm, and you wanted revenge. It wasn't the first time, Anakin. Remember what you told me about your mother and the Sand People.
[sound of sand people screaming in as if Anakin can still hear their death]
Supreme Chancellor: Now, we must leave before more security droids arrive.

Supreme Chancellor: Remember back to your early teachings. "All who gain power are afraid to lose it." Even the Jedi.
Anakin Skywalker: The Jedi use their power for good.
Supreme Chancellor: Good is a point of view, Anakin. The Sith and the Jedi are similar in almost every way, including their quest for greater power.
Anakin Skywalker: The Sith rely on their passion for their strength. They think inward, only about themselves.
Supreme Chancellor: And the Jedi don't?
Anakin Skywalker: The Jedi are selfless... they only care about others.
Supreme Chancellor: [looking a little frustrated] Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis "the wise"?
Anakin Skywalker: No.
Supreme Chancellor: I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith who lived many years ago. He was so powerful and so wise that he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying.
Anakin Skywalker: He could do that? He could actually save people from death?
Supreme Chancellor: The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.
Anakin Skywalker: What happened to him?
Supreme Chancellor: He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, and then one night, his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic that he could save others from death, but not himself.
Anakin Skywalker: Is it possible to learn this power?
Supreme Chancellor: Not from a Jedi.

Mace Windu: In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you're under arrest, Chancellor.
Supreme Chancellor: Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?
Mace Windu: The senate will decide your fate.
Supreme Chancellor: [now speaking as Darth Sidious] I AM the senate!
Mace Windu: Not yet.
[the Chancellor/Darth Sidious rises slowly, and his lightsaber snaps to his hand from his sleeve]
Supreme Chancellor: It's treason, then...
[ignites his lightsaber and leaps over his desk to attack]

Mace Windu: [has Palpatine subdued] I'm going to put an end to this, once and for all!
Anakin Skywalker: You can't. He must stand trial.
Mace Windu: He has control of the senate and all the courts. He is too dangerous to be left alive!
Supreme Chancellor: [exhausted and disfigured] But, I'm too weak. Don't kill me.
Anakin Skywalker: That's not the Jedi way. He must live.
[Windu ignores Anakin, still intending to kill Palpatine]
Anakin Skywalker: I need him!
[Windu raises his lightsaber]
Anakin Skywalker: NO!
Supreme Chancellor: [Anakin draws his own lightsaber, cutting off Windu's arm, then Palpatine electricutes Windu] Power, unlimited power!

Supreme Chancellor: [to Anakin] Once more, the Sith will rule the galaxy. And, we shall have peace.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: [as he and Anakin walk into a room and find Chancellor Palpatine in a chair] Chancellor.
[bows]
Anakin Skywalker: You all right?
Supreme Chancellor: Count Dooku.
[Anakin and Obi-Wan turn around to and see Count Dooku with two Super Battle Droids]
Obi-Wan Kenobi: This time we'll do it together.
Anakin Skywalker: I was about to say that.
Supreme Chancellor: You can't be any match for him, he's a Sith Lord.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Chancellor Palpatine, Sith Lords are our specialty.
[he and Anakin take off robes]
Count Dooku: Your swords, please. You don't want to make a mess of things in front of the Chancellor.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You won't get away this time, Dooku.
[he, Anakin, and Dooku ignite lightsabers and fight]
Count Dooku: I've been looking forward to this.
Anakin Skywalker: My powers are double since the last time we met, Count.
Count Dooku: Good. Twice the pride, double the fall.
[fights more]
Supreme Chancellor: [as Obi-Wan falls and gets back up, running toward Dooku] Get him!
[Dooku chokes Obi-Wan and throws him down the stairs]


Sith Apprentice (2005)
Count Dooku: And now, I would like to perform a dramatic piece of work from Professor Tolkien.
[clears throat]
Count Dooku: Ther-
The Emperor: Stop!
[audience gasps]
The Emperor: Look, I may be evil, but even I don't go up against that guy's copyright lawyers!

[Darth Vader takes out his lightsabre, but it is blue instead of red]
The Emperor: Lord Vader! Red.
[Darth Vader presses a button on his lightsabre, and it changes color]
Darth Vader: Sorry, master. Always happens.

The Emperor: Jar-Jar...
JarJar Binks: Me-sa fired?
The Emperor: No. You-sa fried.
[the Emperor shoots electricity out of his hand and vaporizes Jar-Jar]

The Emperor: My name is Darth Sidious and I now utterly control this galaxy. Recently I summoned those with the darkest hearts to come to Coruscant for the chance to win the dream job for any bad guy. They have faced many challenges and many have already been defeated, leaving only these four, the best of the worst.

The Emperor: Now these final four will go head to head in the most demanding job audition ever. Only one will get the job of a lifetime. Only one will prevail to become my Sith Apprentice!

The Emperor: But I have to address one issue. You Jar-Jar!
JarJar Binks: Mesa?
The Emperor: Yes! Despite being an idiot, despite failing at nearly every task, despite being disliked by nearly everyone, you have managed to make it almost to the finals. I cannot let this go on. I cannot imagine you working at my side.
JarJar Binks: But wait! Mesa gave you complete control of the senate. Yousa have ultimate power now because of mesa.
The Emperor: Yes, that was a brilliant gamble on your part. I never understand how you pulled that off. But your usefulness to me has ended. You performed that task thinking you were doing good. I just can't condone that. I am! Evil you know!

The Emperor: You have your assignments. Do not disappoint me. Now go!

The Emperor: Excellent, You have done well, Lord Vader. You truly are the Dark Lord of the Dance.


Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Palpatine: Master Jedi, may I suggest the Senator be placed under the protection of your graces.
Sen. Bail Organa: You really think that is a wise decision during these stressful times?
Padme: Chancellor, if I may comment, I do not believe...
Palpatine: The situation is that serious? Oh, but I do, Senator. I realize all too well that additional security might be disruptive for you, but... perhaps someone you're familiar with. An old friend, like... Master Kenobi.

Mas Amedda: This is a crisis. The Senate must vote to give the chancellor emergency powers. He can then approve the creation of an army without a vote.
Palpatine: But what senator would have the courage to propose such a radical amendment?
Mas Amedda: If only Senator Amidala where here.

Palpatine: You don't need guidance, Anakin. In time, you will learn to trust your feelings. Then, you will be invincible. I have said it many times, you are the most gifted Jedi I have ever met.
Anakin: Thank you, Your Excellency.
Palpatine: I see you becoming the greatest of all the Jedi, Anakin. Even more powerful than Master Yoda.

Palpatine: I will not let this Republic, which has stood for a thousand years, be split in two. My negotiations will not fail.
Mace Windu: If they do, you must realize there aren't enough Jedi to protect the Republic. We're keepers of the peace, not soldiers.

Palpatine: Master Yoda. Do you really think it will come to war?
Yoda: The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is.

Palpatine: And as my first act with this new authority, I will create a grand army of the Republic to counter the increasing threats of the Separatists.

Palpatine: It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic. Once this crisis has abated, I will lay down the powers you have given me!


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Zillo Beast Strikes Back (#2.19)" (2010)
Chancellor Palpatine: I've got a bad feeling about this.

Chancellor Palpatine: Doctor, a word if you please.
[hands over a data pad]
Chancellor Palpatine: Your new orders.
Dr. Sionver Boll: [shocked] What is this? You want me to clone the beast?

Chancellor Palpatine: Nothing is truly indescribable.

Dr. Sionver Boll: It's scales are remarkably strong and light. If we could examine their composition, we might be able to synthesize them to reinforce our clone armor.
Chancellor Palpatine: And what is stopping you?
Dr. Sionver Boll: We need to remove the scales first. It's very difficult, not to mention painful.
Chancellor Palpatine: Would it not be more efficient to simply kill the beast?
Mas Amedda: Kill it? Are you sure?
Dr. Sionver Boll: Chancellor, I must protest. Besides being the last of its kind, this creature may be intelligent.
Chancellor Palpatine: I find that hard to believe. It is, after all, just an animal.
[Zillo beast growls]
Dr. Sionver Boll: It didn't seem to like your comment.
Chancellor Palpatine: I applaud your high moral stance, Doctor. After all, principle is in short supply these days. However, every passing minute of warfare brings countless deaths, deaths that could be prevented once the beast's secrets are unlocked. If there is anyway to hasten that process, it is our moral duty to explore it.
Dr. Sionver Boll: I serve at your pleasure, Chancellor. I'm just not sure where to begin. The fact remains that the beast is indestructible.
Chancellor Palpatine: Nothing is truly indescribable, Doctor. Wasn't there something in Malastare fuel that affected the beast?
Dr. Sionver Boll: It weakened the Zillo, yes, but...
Chancellor Palpatine: Excellent. I suggest you start there. Doctor, you need to find a way to kill that beast, or we shall replace you with someone who can.

Chancellor Palpatine: I should have known secrets do not stay secret for long around here.
Padmé Amidala: Isn't that precisely the point of a democracy?
Anakin Skywalker: Of course, in wartime, some things must be kept secret, even from the people, so as not to aid the enemy.
Mas Amedda: It is unfortunate that the beast must die, Senator. But the greater good demands it.
Padmé Amidala: How is killing the last of a species, in secret and without debate, good for anyone?

Chancellor Palpatine: A democracy is only as strong as the people who comprise it. At present, the people I am charged with protecting are dying faster than I can count. It is my moral imperative to take action. Anakin, is it not worth the life of one savage beast to give our brave troops the advantage they need to win this war?

Chancellor Palpatine: I should have known secrets do not stay secret for long around here.
Mas Amedda: Isn't that precisely the point of a democracy?
Anakin Skywalker: Of course, in wartime, some things must be kept secret, even from the people, so as not to aid the enemy.
Padmé Amidala: It is unfortunate that the beast must die, Senator. But the greater good demands it.
Mas Amedda: How is killing the last of a species, in secret and without debate, good for anyone?


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Lawless (#5.16)" (2013)
Mas Amedda: You summoned me, Chancellor?
Chancellor Palpatine: Prepare my ship.

Darth Sidious: [to Maul] Remember, the first and only reality of the Sith. There can only be two. And you are no longer my apprentice. You have been replaced.

Darth Maul: Have mercy... please, please!
Darth Sidious: There is no mercy.
[Shocks Maul with force lightning]
Darth Sidious: Do not worry... I'm not going to kill you. I have "other" uses for you.
[laughs manically]

Darth Maul: Hmm, I sense a presence... a presence I haven't felt since... Master!
[Darth Sidious enters the room, Maul kneeling before hm]
Darth Maul: Master.
Darth Sidious: I am most impressed to see you have survived your injuries.
Darth Maul: I have used your training, Master. And I have built all this in hopes of returning to your side.
Darth Sidious: Hmm... how unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.
Darth Maul: Master?
Darth Sidious: You have become... A RIVAL!

Darth Maul: [defeated] Have mercy. Please... please!
Darth Sidious: There is no mercy.
[Electrocutes Maul with Force lightning]
Darth Sidious: Do not worry. I'm not going to kill you. I have... *other* uses for you.


Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Senator Palpatine: There is no civility, only politics.

Chancellor Palpatine: And you, young Skywalker; we shall watch your career with great interest.

Queen Amidala: Our people are dying, Senator. We must do something quickly to stop the Federation.
Senator Palpatine: To be realistic, your Majesty. I think we are going to have to accept Federation control for the time being.
Queen Amidala: That is something I cannot do.

Queen Amidala: Senator, this is your arena. I feel I must return my mine. I have decided to go back to Naboo.
Senator Palpatine: Go back? But your Majesty, be realistic. They'll force you to sign the treaty.
Queen Amidala: I will sign no treaty, Senator. My fate will be no different to that of our people.

Senator Palpatine: Fellow Senators, Honored delegates. A tragedy has engulfed our system which started right here with the taxation of Trade Routes.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Children of the Force (#2.3)" (2009)
Darth Sidious: [via hologram] I need test subjects. Choose four children and bring them to Mustafar. I will take care of them.
Cad Bane: Kidnapping innocent children? Seems like a small time crime for the likes of you...
Darth Sidious: Among the children of the Jedi, there are no innocents.

Darth Sidious: There there, child. Soon you will cry no more.

Darth Sidious: I foresee an army of Force talented spies in my service. Trained in the Dark Side to peer into every corner of the galaxy from afar. And my enemies will be helpless against such vision.

Chancellor Palpatine: I understand you made an important arrest in the plot to destroy the Jedi. To think a simple bounty hunter could create such a plan...
Anakin Skywalker: I believe someone else, someone much more powerful was behind this. And I don't think it was Dooku.
Chancellor Palpatine: Oh? And have you any clues as to who it may be?
Anakin Skywalker: Not yet, Chancellor.
Chancellor Palpatine: [pats him on the shoulder] Have patience, my boy.


Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode II (2008) (TV)
Darth Vader: Welcome my master! The Death Star construction is proceeding...
Emperor Palpatine: [interrupting Vader] Yeah! Great! Fine! Whatever. That flight was a fucking nightmare man. My stupid tray table broke and I ended up with a gallon of coffee in my crotch; it was like dunking my wang in hot lava. Something you have some experience with I guess, huh? Right?
Darth Vader: [shamefully] Yes...

Darth Vader: [pointing to a black suitcase with a white stripe that is passing by Vader and Palpatine on a luggage conveyor belt] Is that yours?
Emperor Palpatine: No! For the hundredth time, that's that same stupid black bag. Mine dosen't have a stripe. It's like that stripey bag is mocking me... Fuck you stripey bag.

Emperor Palpatine: Well, my suitcase is gone; sacrificed to the airport guards. Now I'm here for two fucking weeks with one fucking robe. Ohh! Now it's sticking to me like a wet Kleenex.

Emperor Palpatine: [as a surfboard is passing by him on the Death Star luggage conveyor belt] Wow, for real?


Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (2008) (VG)
Darth Vader: He is dead.
Emperor Palpatine: Then he is now more powerful than ever. He was meant to root out the rebels, not give them hope. His sacrifice will only inspire them.

Emperor Palpatine: You are all traitors to the Empire. You will be interrogated. Tortured. You *will* give me the names of your friends and allies. And then you will die.
Bail Organa: Our deaths will only rally others.
Emperor Palpatine: Your very public and painful executions will serve as an example to the rest of the galaxy.
[alarm goes off]
General Rahm Kota: There may be a rebellion yet.
[a display screen shows a holographic image of Starkiller approaching the observation dome]
Emperor Palpatine: Lord Vader, deal with the boy.

Darth Vader: [as Starkiller stands next to him] The Emperor's fleet has arrived.
Darth Vader's Secret Apprentice: You have lured the Emperor to us... When do we strike?
Darth Vader: I did not summon him.
[the Emperor enters the room from behind them. As Starkiller turns, Vader activates his lightsaber, stabbing Starkiller]
Darth Vader: His spies followed you here.
[He deactivates his lightsaber. Starkiller falls to the floor in pain. The Emperor approaches them]
Darth Vader: What is thy bidding, my Master?
Emperor Palpatine: You have forgotten your place, Lord Vader. By taking this boy as your apprentice, you have betrayed me. Now, kill him, or I will be forced to kill you both.
Darth Vader's Secret Apprentice: [Gasping in pain, looking up at Vader] M-Master... we can defeat him together!
Emperor Palpatine: Strike him down and prove your loyalty to me!
[Vader pauses, then grabs Starkiller, throwing him against a wall with the Force. The Emperor cackles]
Emperor Palpatine: Yes, yes! Kill him, Lord Vader!


"Robot Chicken: 1987 (#2.6)" (2006)
Emperor Palpatine: [to Darth Vader on the phone, regarding the Death Star's destruction] Build another one? Oh yeah, that's real fucking original! And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you? You got an ATM in that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your 7-foot-2 asthmatic ass back here, or else I'll tell everyone what a whiney bitch you were about Padamamay or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is!
[pause, aside to senators]
Emperor Palpatine: Oh jeez, he's crying!
[goes back to phone]
Emperor Palpatine: Hey, hey, hey, come on don't do that, just... look, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap right now. Death star blown up by a bunch of fucking teenagers, you know? I didn't mean to snap. Just get back here. Okay, okay, bye. I... ye... I... I love you too.

[Talking to Darth Vader on the phone; yelling throughout]
Emperor Palpatine: Huh? What do you mean "they blew up the Death Star"?
[Listens to the reply]
Emperor Palpatine: Fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Emperor Palpatine: Who's "they"?
[Listens to the reply]
Emperor Palpatine: What the hell is an "Aluminum Falcon"?

Emperor Palpatine: So I threw the senate at him... the whole senate! True story.


Robot Chicken: Star Wars (2007) (TV)
Palpatine: [on the phone with Darth Vader] Vader! How's my favorite Sith?... Whoa whoa whoa... whoa, whoa. Just - slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck! FUCK!... Who's "they"?... What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?
[sighs]
Palpatine: OK, OK, so who's left?... Are you shitting me?... Well, where are you?... Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal?... Oh, you must smell like... feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon... Oh, oh, oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet!... Do you - do you have ANY idea what this is going to do to my credit?
[phone beeps, he sighs]
Palpatine: Hang on, I've got another call.
[switches line]
Palpatine: WHAT? I'm very busy right now!... Oh! Oh, well - well, where are they going?... Oh, all right, uh... just get me a turkey club... Um, coleslaw, I guess. I'm not even gonna eat it... Well, what are you getting?... See, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye - what?... Oh, uh, Cherry Coke. Thanks.
[switches line]
Palpatine: Sorry about that.
[sighs]
Palpatine: What?... Oh, oh, "just rebuild it"? Oh, real fucking original. And who's going to give me a loan, jackhole, you?... You got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here, or I'm going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Padama-may or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is!...
[covers receiver]
Palpatine: Oh, jeez, he's crying!
[giggles, then into phone]
Palpatine: Hey, hey, hey, hey. C'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just - just. Look, you know, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap right now. Death Star blown up by a bunch of fuckin' teenagers, you know? I didn't mean to snap.
[makes "jack-off" motion]
Palpatine: Oh, uh - just get back here. OK. OK. Bye. I... um... I...
Palpatine: [whispers into phone] I love you, too.

Luke Skywalker: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Palpatine: Your faith in your friends is yours.
Luke Skywalker: Not my faith in yo momma...
Palpatine: What was that?
Luke Skywalker: I said yo momma's so fat, Jabba the Hutt said DAAAAAMN!
Palpatine: Well, your mother is so ugly she put the 'ug' in 'ugnaught!'
Darth Vader: Ohh, yo momma fight!
[Cut to next scene. Luke and Palpatine are on stage in front of a crowd]
Luke Skywalker: Yo momma's so stupid, she spent all day saying 'am not' to R2!
Palpatine: Your mother is so fat, that Ben Kenobi said 'That's no moon, that's yo momma!'
Luke Skywalker: Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Jar Jar came with pickles pickles!
Palpatine: Your mother is so stupid she, she thinks, uh, that lightsabres come with fewer calories!
[Music cuts. Crowd fallls silent]
Palpatine: You know, cause it's 'lite,' and it's got less calories... and it's good for your body, ummm... anyway that's how stupid your mother is...
Luke Skywalker: Yo momma's so stupid she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!
Crowd: Luke wins!
[Darth Vader throws Palpatine into the reactor core]

Zuckuss: How do you plan on putting down this rebellion everyone's talking about?
Palpatine Parody: By shooting it with lightning! That's how I solve all my problems! And then afterwards I shall eat pudding.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Pursuit of Peace (#3.11)" (2010)
Chancellor Palpatine: Members of the Senate, please, please...
Senator Aang: How dare they?
Zion Paulness: They attack, and now they want peace?
Padmé Amidala: Chancellor Palpatine, may I remind the senators that the peace proposal was made prior to their assault.
Senator Aang: That only highlights its insincerity.
Halle Burtoni: Chancellor Palpatine, in light of this unprovoked attack on Coruscant and the vulnerabilities it raises, I propose the Republic purchase an additional 5 million clone troopers.
Bail Organa: The Republic is already operating in deep debt. How do you propose we pay for these additional troops?
Halle Burtoni: My people are drafting an emergency appropriations bill that would raise funds...
Padmé Amidala: From the Banking Clan?
Halle Burtoni: Yes, of course. Do you have an alternate means of paying?
Padmé Amidala: One alternative might be to stop the war, not escalate it.
All Senators: Traitor! Traitor!
Padmé Amidala: Whoever attacked the power grid wants us to continue to fight. It's a calculated attempt to destroy the peace process. Not everyone in the Confederacy wants this. I know this for a fact.
Mee Deechi: You have Separatist friends, Senator?

Chancellor Palpatine: Isn't it remarkable that one can have all the power in the galaxy and yet the words of a single senator can sway the thoughts of millions?
Mas Amedda: What do you plan to do about this?
Chancellor Palpatine: For now, we must adhere to the principles of our democracy. We must let the wheels of the Senate turn.


"Star Wars: Clone Wars: Chapter 25 (#3.5)" (2005)
General Grievous: You're mine, old man.
Supreme Chancellor Palpatine: I'm not afraid of you. You wouldn't dare harm the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Whatever would your masters say?
General Grievous: You're lucky they want you alive!

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine: This selfless sacrifice will be long remembered in the archives of the Jedi order.


"5 Second Movies: Star Wars: Episode III (#1.25)" (2008)
Anakin Skywalker: I'm happy.
Palpatine: No you're not.
Anakin Skywalker: You're right.
Anakin Skywalker: [Anakin slaughters all the Separatists] I hate you!
[Darth Vader is born]
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Boy did I bet on the wrong horse.


Star Wars: Battlefront II (2005) (VG)
Emperor Palpatine: [upon entry] Your master has arrived!


"Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales: Crisis on Coruscant (#1.2)" (2015)
Narrator: Ended, your reign is, Chancellor. Or should I call you, Emperor? Or should I call you, DARTH SID...
[Yoda gets blasted by force lightning]
Narrator: AAAAAAaarrgh!
Emperor Palpatine: Yes, yes! We all know that now!


Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Darth Vader: [kneeling before Emperor Palpatine's hologram] What is thy bidding, my master?
Emperor Palpatine: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
Darth Vader: I have felt it.
Emperor Palpatine: We have a new enemy. The young Rebel who destroyed the Death Star. I have no doubt this boy is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker.
Darth Vader: How is that possible?
Emperor Palpatine: Search your feelings, Lord Vader. You will know it to be true. He could destroy us.
Darth Vader: He's just a boy. Obi-Wan can no longer help him.
Emperor Palpatine: The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.
Darth Vader: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.
Emperor Palpatine: [intrigued] Yes... He would be a great asset. Can it be done?
Darth Vader: He will join us or die, master.


"Family Guy: The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire (#4.5)" (2005)
[Cleveland considers killing Quagmire with a baseball bat, while Meg, Chris, Stewie, Lois, and Emperor Palpatine watch]
Emperor Palpatine: Good. Let the hate flow through you.
[Lois pushes him to the ground and kicks him]
Lois Griffin: You're not helping!


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Zillo Beast (#2.18)" (2010)
Chancellor Palpatine: [via hologram] That may be the only way we shall get this treaty signed, and rest Master Windu's conscience.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Nightsisters (#3.12)" (2011)
Darth Sidious: [via hologram] I would hate to think you are training your own Sith apprentice to destroy me...
Count Dooku: Never! My allegiance is to you and you alone.
Darth Sidious: Then you must prove it. Eliminate her.
Count Dooku: She's my most trusted...
Darth Sidious: [interrupting] I said: eliminate her!
Count Dooku: [bows his head] As you wish, my lord.


"Star Wars Rebels: The Siege of Lothal (#2.1)" (2015)
Darth Vader: I believe the apprentice of Anakin Skywalker lives and is in league with the rebels.
Emperor Palpatine: Are you certain?
Darth Vader: It was her.
Emperor Palpatine: This is an opportunity we cannot let pass. Skywalker's apprentice could lead us to other lost Jedi.
Darth Vader: Such as Kenobi?
Emperor Palpatine: Perhaps, if he lives. Be patient my old friend. For now, dispatch another Inquisitor to hunt them down.
Darth Vader: As you wish, my Master.


Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
Darth Sidious: Soon the Jedi will not only be at war with you, Count, but the Hutt clan as well.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Hostage Crisis (#1.22)" (2009)
Orn Free Taa: Oh, why do I have to go to the jail for this?
3D: Move it.
Chancellor Palpatine: Sorry Senator, but everyone has a job to do.


Star Wars: TIE Fighter (1994) (VG)
Emperor: The Empire is on the verge of success. Soon peace and order will be restored throughout the galaxy. Even now our capable forces led by Darth Vader are striking back at the Rebel insurgents.


"The Nostalgia Critic: The Star Wars Holiday Special (#2.54)" (2009)
Emperor Palpatine: Go out to the command ship and await my further Bea Arthur-related orders.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Sacrifice (#6.13)" (2014)
Darth Sidious: We have failed to break Master Yoda. He is strong. We will need more time if we are to defeat him and the Jedi.


"Star Wars: Clone Wars: Chapter 24 (#3.4)" (2005)
[an Ithorian Jedi has just destroyed a corridor by yelling]
Shaak Ti: Ithorians. Four throats. Quite powerful.
Supreme Chancellor Palpatine: So I've heard.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Holocron Heist (#2.1)" (2009)
Darth Sidious: [via hologram] As I was saying, Bounty Hunter, I have need of your services.
Cad Bane: I'm listening.
Darth Sidious: I need a Jedi... Holocron.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Duchess of Mandalore (#2.14)" (2010)
Chancellor Palpatine: Let us commit our military might to defending the Mandalorian people.
Duchess Satine Kryze: Defending? You mean to occupy our home. You would trample our right to self-determination.
Chancellor Palpatine: We mean to save your people.
Duchess Satine Kryze: You will turn our planet into a military target, which will bring the war to us. Mandalore must remain a neutral system.


"Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Senate Murders (#2.15)" (2010)
Padmé Amidala: After all that, we lost.
Chancellor Palpatine: I know this decision was most unexpected. I myself don't support it, but democracy must stand.
Padmé Amidala: Of course. You are right, Chancellor.
Chancellor Palpatine: Actually, given recent events, perhaps it is for the best. How can we justify fortifying our security here in the Senate if we don't also provide reinforcements on the front lines? You see, the victory of the clone army, for now, is the only thing that can lead us to peace.


Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II (2010) (VG)
Emperor Palpatine: [final lines] A great day Lord Vader. Today marks the death of the Rebellion and a new order of peace for the Empire. There is but one last detail to take care of. Do you take me for a fool? Your feeble schemes to overthrow me using that pathetic clone of your apprentice were pitifully obvious from their inception. Now Skywalker, you will die.
[Vader ignites his light saber, but is shocked to death by force lightning]
Emperor Palpatine: Captain Sarkli.
Captain Sarkli: My liege?
Emperor Palpatine: Take your troops and destroy the clone.


Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005) (VG)
Darth Sidious: Excellent work, my apprentice, there are none who appose us, the galaxy is ours now.
[he produces a lightsaber]
Darth Sidious: Your new weapon, Lord Vader.
Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader: [Vader stabs Sidious] No! The galaxy belongs to me!